If you — or your "client" — would like to be included in an upcoming "Interviews Of A Lifetime," please contact either myself or Deadspin HQ for inquiries.

DS:Now. Have you made up with the Boston fans? I remember when you left to sign with the Angels, it was a little contentious.

FL:You know what happened? When the new ownership took over the Sox, the first thing that they did was give me a call, and they wanted me to be in the Red Sox Hall of Fame. And that would have never happened under the old regime. I was kind of persona non grata with that group - same as Rick Burleson, Carlton Fisk and a few other guys, which kind of grew as the years went on. For me personally, it was just a bad situation and these guys made it right and I'm very grateful to the existing ownership of the Sox for giving me that opportunity to go back to the fans again.

Speaking of fans...how do you feel about one fan in particular, Bill Simmons? He just absolutely loves you.

Ummmm...I don't recall that name, but should I know him?

The Sports Fella? The columnist for ESPN? Really? You don't know him? He, like, worships you?

Oh! Wait a minute! I know where this is going. Yes, I do know him! Yes, I do know him! Yeah, yeah, yeah! I don't know that we've met more than once, but one time I think it was pretty interesting if it was the right meeting...

The one at the celebrity softball game?

That's the one! Yeah! He's got my baseball card in his wallet!

Did you think that was weird?

Um...I thought it was kind of different. I think I had Farrah Fawcett in my wallet.

It appears that everyone born in New England in the late sixties regarded you as their first honest to goodness man crush.

Here's how it works: My baseball demographic right now is probably people aged 38 and older. And in the years when they're 10-13, those are pretty impressionable years, and any kid who is that age gets interested in music, baseball or anything latches on to you. That's when I was quote-unquote a star, and these kids saw me then. That's my crowd. That's my group.

Yeah, Simmons dressed up as you for Halloween apparently.

Yeah. And that's what happens. It doesn't matter if it's male or female - those are my guys. That's just like I was growing up with Willie Mays. That's when you're impressionable and you begin to like somebody at that age and you like them for the rest of your life.

But you've never spoken with Simmons again after that? He's a pretty legit writer for ESPN now.

I know that, I know that. And ESPN and I parted ways in about '99, so he's post-that, I believe. Yeah, and he's doing some pretty good things and he has a good baseball mind I know that.

Well, how about Peter Gammons? Are you friends with him?

You mean The Commissioner?

No, Peter Gammons.

I know, that's what we call him...

Oh, right.

Come on, man! You should know that. I thought you knew stuff.

I don't. I don't know anything.

But Pete's a great guy. He was the Boston beat writer when I first got there. And Peter Gammons, if you recall, was the first one to make up the back page, the sporting page for the Boston Globe, with all of the statistics and everything you needed to know. That was Peter's deal.

So, you see Peter Gammons more regularly than you do Bill Simmons?

I see Peter when I go back to Boston when I do some games for the Sox. So, I'm there three or four times a year and I bump into Peter for different events. Yeah, so I don't do that with Bill.

So, do you think if you were an athlete in today's media environment, that you could handle all the scrutiny of player's personal lives?

I think I could. I think it takes some of the fun out of the game for the guys because they really can't let their hair down like we did - literally in the 70s, hair was a big thing. I watch guys play and they do all the right things, they still play well, but I don't see laughter. I see it with certain guys, like Manny, but there are no more Bill Lees. There are no characters of the game. They're all homogenized almost, and that's too bad. That's what's fun about baseball. I like to see the individual.

It doesn't seem like it's worth anyone's while to have a personality in this day and age, though, because it could come back and bite them in the ass, though.

It's very difficult because of all the media. At any point you can be seen. I mean, you've got your phones and you can photograph guys with your phones. So, where do you go? I was a fisherman, if I got away from the game for a little bit, I'd go fishing. So, it would just be me and the fish.

Yeah, that's not an interesting photo.

I would've not been very much fun to follow around like that.

Do you think you deserve to be in the Hall of Fame?

That's not really for me to say, but let's put it this way. On the defensive side, I'd throw my glove in there with anybody that's ever played. On the offensive side? You throw out the injuries that happened to me the second part of my career basically, I did some things that people had never done before. Now today, people are doing the things all the time that I started doing, running into walls, those types of things. I really didn't have any holes in my game other than the fact that I couldn't stay on the field for the second half of my career. It was probably a culmination of all the sports that I did as a kid, kind of catching up to me.

Now that Boston has won two World Series recently, do you feel like they're now the most annoying fans on the planet?

It's a little different when you're the lovable loser - now the Cubs have that mantra. But Boston's like bullies now. Because they've won, and the Yankees, even though they're always contenders haven't won in a while, and all of the sudden, Boston is the team to beat. And I don't know if they know how to wear that hat.

So you notice the shift in fandom?

Oh, absolutely. But, you know, there were a lot of people following the Sox when I was playing. I mean, we didn't have a "Nation." It might have been a couple of counties.

Do you think "The Red Sox Nation" is retarded?

It's pretty supportive. I was at a game in San Diego and there were more Red Sox fans there than Pads fans.

Did the crazed Nation people tackle you?

No, they were very polite about it. Like, "Hey, Freddie. What are you doing here? Why are you in San Diego? Why aren't you in Boston?" They were just fans. I really have a good time with the fans. I don't shy away from them like I did as a kid.

But no fan came up to you showing off a baseball card in his wallet or telling you that they dressed like Fred Lynn for Halloween?

No, no, no. Nothing like that. Ha! That was weird, the card was all worn down, like it'd been run through the washing machine or something. It wasn't pristine. The wallet had seen its better days to - he probably got the card and the wallet around the same time.

And you never stayed in touch with Simmons, that's a shame.

You know, no, we never exchanged information. I don't think I even had email back then. He can always contact me through my website.

Do you think you'd go fishing with him?

You never know. If somebody offers me a fishing trip, I'm pretty easily coerced into doing that.

So you would go fishing with Bill Simmons?

I might!

How about you just go fishing with me instead?

There you go.

Alright, I think that's enough...

You don't want to talk about anything else? About why I'm here?

I got it, I got it. MLB.com "Rookie of the Month", sponsored by Gillette, blah, blah, blah. It's all right here in the press release.

Yeah, they have a website, MLB.com/Gillette. And what I think's neat about is the fans are voting. I think this is a big thing and I tell you why: Not only are fans voting for this but I think it's going to be an avenue for young people to vote. Because let's face it, young people are the ones that are going to be online.

You don't say....

Yeah. They are. If you told my dad about a website, he'd go "What's that? Is there a spider in the room?" So this is an avenue to get young people involved with baseball at a primary level. The fact they have a say into who's going to win these awards. Plus, they could win some pretty cool things...a trip to the All-Star game, a trip to the World Series. I mean, these are pretty cool things, right? I mean, Gillete's a great sponsor, and I'm glad they've partnered up with MLB.com...

Speaking of Gillette, what was the worst shaving experience you've ever had in your life?

Uh...it was the first time I ever shaved. Because I didn't know what I was doing and every guy when they're 15 wants to shave even if there is nothing there. And I kind of attacked myself a little bit roughly and in those days....oooooh...the razors. There was nothing there to prevent you from slashing yourself.

But now with Gillette razors, that doesn't happen...

Yeah. That was not a Gillette product I slashed myself with.

Have you ever tried the Gillette manscaping product?

You know what? I use the Fusion.

Ah, yes. "The Fusion."

Yeah. There's about 6,000 blades in there and you can't go wrong.

Do you shave your whole entire body?

No, no, no....I don't do that. I'm from California, but I don't do that.

That's a different generation. I'm actually shaving myself right now.

Oh...oh, no. Oh, oh. I'm glad this is not a picture phone.

Me too.

So, as much as Jay Glazer presents himself as "a jag-off from Brooklyn," it's a calculated approach, and it's one he's mastered to create the brand that is Jay Glazer. Right now, Jay Glazer The Brand has made himself into one of the most plugged-in reporters working the NFL beat. Today, Jay The Brand is the face of Subwayfreshbuzz.com, starring in a goofy NFL draft-themed webisode with former fat guy Jared and draft day darling Chris Long. He dedicated 30 minutes to talk to Deadspin between 3 and 3:30. He was a surprisingly great interview. So for his time and effort, please go watch his weird Subwayfreshbuzz.com thing. You know, he kind of earned that. I trimmed the fat on this interview, but it's still long as Santonio Holmes. Take it with you to the bathroom and enjoy all the Spygate goodness.

If you — or your "client" — would like to be included in an upcoming "Interviews Of A Lifetime," please contact either myself or Deadspin HQ for inquiries.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—--

AJD: So, are you busy with the draft stuff right now?

JG: Oh, it's nuts. It's nuts Everybody calls constantly and you've got to try to figure out who's telling you the truth, and who's not, who's trying to smokescreen ya — for the most part, they don't smoke-screen me as much like they do some of the other guys. But you still have to make sure somebody's not smoke-screening you or when somebody's blatantly trying to tell you the truth then you have to check out WHY they're telling you the truth ... yeah, it's nuts. But fun, though.

You seem to developed a reputation as the go-to guy for a lot of people in the NFL. You piss Chris Mortensen off on a daily basis. How did you develop that reputation?

JG: I go about my business differently than others — I don't go for the scoop, I go for the relationship. I'm not trying to sit up here like I'm holier than thou, but that's what I do, and I probably report two or three percent of what I know and the other stuff ... well, you have to look at it like you're an information broker. Other guys will get a scoop and then burn somebody for that scoop. They're looking at it short-term, like "let's break this right now," even though it might burn this guy or piss this guy off. But I look at it and say, "If I burn this guy here, there's probably ten [stories] I'm going to lose." Let me never, ever screw anybody, and I'll continue to get the scoops. I'm not gonna get every scoop, Mort's not gonna get every scoop, Peter King's not going to get every scoop, Adam Schefter's not going to get every scoop — that's not how it happens. It's just a fact of life. The Favre thing was based on relationships that I've built for a long time, and I got it from a couple of guys that really nobody ever gives the time of day to. That's the other thing: You can't just go to the head coaches and the GMs and the star players — you have to go to everybody. Some of the biggest scoops I get are from the practice squad players, you know who are just a bunch of strokes, just like I am.

But how long does it take you to develop those relationships?

JG: Ah...my whole life. I have some guys that I've been friends with since I started in this league and they say to me, "You are absolutely the same jag-off you were the first day we met you." Before I was doing this, I was bartending in Brooklyn. I try to take kind of the same approach in dealing with people and attitude as I did when I was doing that. I act the same way toward my grandmother, or the commissioner of the NFL, or Warren Sapp —- doesn't matter who you are.

I think people realize that there are so many B.S'ers in this business, so many posers, that...one of the best compliments I got was from my ex...who said this to me at one point...

Not Miss New Jersey, right?

JG: Well, yeah, actually, that's who that was.

Ah...bummer?

JG: Yeah, yeah. Anyway...She asked, uh, Warren Sapp or somebody at the time, "Why do you all call my boyfriend — she was my girlfriend at the time — 24-7?" And Sapp or whoever said, "Because he's the only guy in our lives without a vested interest. He doesn't care about anything and he doesn't care about pissing us off." I thought that was pretty nice.

Do you think that approach is the way you have to be in this type of media landscape right now?

JG: It's just the way I am. Doing this thing with Jared and Chris Long at Subwayfreshbuzz.com, they'll tell you...I'm off. I'm off, man! I admit it , I'm somewhat demented. And I'm blessed with this kind of wacky personality...

Wait, what do you mean you're "off?"

JG: I mean, I'm demented, I'm just off, you know what I mean...different. I'm not your normal, conservative reporter.

I heard there were rumors other media organizations were trying to lure you away from Fox? That you were scooping everybody else so much that it was just becoming embarrassing for other media outlets.

JG: I haven't heard that one. I read somewhere that somebody was, but I've never had anything or saw anything like that happen. I can't see anything like that happening, Fox treats me great. They got a couple of pretty good shows, like American Idol, so I think they do okay...

But it is nice to be thought of that way. You go to the NFL owners meetings and your competitors and some of the owners will come up to you and go, "Hey, you know, you've had a great year, you've had a monster year." I've told the story that when I did get my hands on the Spygate video, Mortensen texted me that day and said "Good job, A-hole." Peter King, he was in Afghanistan or Iraq or wherever he was and he comes up to me at the owners meeting and he says, "I knew you had it over there. I'm proud of you." It's nice to hear that from your competitors. For years, me and the other reporters we hated each other. I had nothing in common with them, they had nothing in common with me. They didn't like the way I went about my business because, you know, I go about it by building relationships. And they'll [other reporters] be like, well, " You're not objective." And the difference is, because I have a relationship with these guys [my sources, NFL players] I can tell them anything. I mean, I've called guys out and told them to their faces, "Man, you suuuuck all of the sudden." Where as if another reporter says that to a player, that player will cut them off forever.

And you've never tried to contain that approach in anyway?

JG: No, no,no, no, no — I'm not the sugar-coating type of guy. I remember one guy who's hooked in tight with Subway also by the way, (authors note: Christ, another plug? For fuck's sake...) was Michael Strahan. And one year I was getting on him hard. I said to him, "Dude, enough of this crap about you getting double-teamed and triple-teamed. You never hear Reggie White complain about this. You don't hear Lawrence Taylor complain about it. You don't even hear Simeon Rice complain about it. Just shut up and deal with it. If you want to be one of the great ones, this is what's going to happen to you. I just haven't seen the effort recently..." And Strahan gets all pissed off and he's like, "Well, I've been wanting to talk to you because I've noticed that your writing hasn't been good recently..." That was a good comeback.

So, do you consider yourself a "writer?"

JG:Uhmmmm... I consider myself a reporter. Whether that's for writing, or TV, or whatever it is. I consider myself a reporter now, but I'm also trying to host a couple shows on Fox, my mixed martial arts show and pro football preview. I try to bring the same approach to those things as I do to reporting...you know, a little demented a little off...

Well, getting back to that whole lack of objectivity thing — some people might call you a jock-sniffer based on the way you get your stories.

JG:Never heard that one. Clearly, I don't kiss their butts. Scott Ackerson, who is a producer at Fox NFL Sunday, he came to the Pro Bowl one year with me. I stay with one of the teams in their hotel, because the rest of the media is like 30 miles away, and all you really do at the Pro Bowl is drink. So, I'm not drinking and driving.

So, Scotty came with me and went out with me and I'm there, holding court, and he goes back and tells people, "It's the damndest thing. It's unbelievable. He has his own little mafia...but the worst thing is, Jay treats them[the players] like crap! He's the one talking more trash than anybody and they just deal with it." I mean, I'm a bastard if anything, not a sniffer.

But don't you think these relationships could backfire at some point? Where do you draw the line between your job as reporter and your "relationships?"

JG: That's the thing of it, you almost have to look at it as the DEA would: Like, we've got this mid-level drug dealer and we can bust him and look pretty good, or we can use him, and get 10 more guys that are bigger. Like, guys know what the deal is. I'll help them, but they know what the deal is. I just did this whole thing with Jared Allen getting traded from the Chiefs to the Vikings. So, the Vikings called me about him, a couple of other teams called me about him, and the thing is, I take Jared Allen to train with me in Mixed Martial Arts at facility in Arizona, so I'm around him a lot, and I let him know about the calls I'm getting, but I hold off on it. Instead of me reporting it as something that might happen, I'll hold off an wait until I can officially get that the Chiefs have decided to trade him to Minnesota.

And you just got that firsthand from him, by virtue of training with him?

JG: Well, yeah, we work out together. Again, I could've reported that a while ago, but I'd rather cultivate it and then as soon as the news broke, he called me up and go, "Post it ... here are my numbers, this is what it was for," etc. and I'm the only one with that information. Here's the other thing, I get a call Monday from somebody with the Dolphins and he's like "We're getting close to Jake Long." And they're like, just hold off for us, hold off for us, we'll let you know and you'll be the first to know. I hold off, and there I am, the first to report it. Have I been burned before? Yeah. Thank God I've been right more often than I've been burned, but it does happen.

Do you have any worries about the Spygate issue if it does eventually end up in front of Congress? Do you worry about being in a Judith Miller-type situation because of your involvement in it?

JG: Well, I got a call from Sen. Specter and he asked me to meet...first off, there was some ridiculous report out there that said I had agreed to hand over the tapes to Congress. I do have the tapes, but am not doing that, nor would I, and if they want to see them, I show them at parties all the time, so they're more than welcome to come over to my house and see them. Me and my buddies will watch them all the time, because the tapes are hilarious to be honest with you....

How's that?

JG: Because it's not just football...it's classic. The tapes go back and forth between... Well, the first part of the tape, the guy recording it , all he's focusing in on are the butts of the Jet City Dancers. He's going from chick, to chick, to chick, and then you see, like, Tom Brady step in and then he'll [the dude taping it] hit the coaches a little bit, but when there's a break? He goes into the stands and then focuses on T and A. It is classsssic. It is like Spygate meets "Girls Gone Wild."

And that's what's on the tapes that everyone's getting upset about? Does that damage the credibility of those tapes at all?

JG: Oh, no, no, no,no — because the rest of it, is damaging. Because they go the coaches, to the down and distance, back up to the coaches, back to the down and distance — it couldn't be anymore clear. They focus in on three guys the entire time, it is soooo brazen it's incredible.

So, how long did you sit on that for before you went with it?

JG: Oh, I got the tape that week and showed it that week. The only thing I had to wait for was Fox NFL Sunday. My boss at Fox, I have to give him a lot of credit, they were nervous, they were concerned and I said to them "Guys, I'm not telling you where I got it from, I'm never telling you where I got it from, and if you want to know where I got it from? If that's the problem, than I won't run it." To their credit, they just said "Jay, the NFL is going to launch a major investigation into how you got it..." I said, "That's fine, they'll never find the people. Ever." And thank God because all of the Fox people stood by me. And after that, people thought I was going to lose my job over it because the NFL was calling me and asking me where I got it. To this day, even the producers at Fox have NO clue where I got it from. Nor would I tell them. And I said to them, "If you ever try to make me, I'll lie to ya." I'll die before I tell anybody where I got it from.

Will you go to jail for it though?

JG: Oh absolutely.

So, what's your relationship with Roger Goodell like now?

JG: Roger and I are fine. Roger understood I had a job to do and I didn't mean to put him in a bad position. I mean, people around him are ticked. I called him the morning I got it and said, "Look, I got something big here..." and I told him to just watch it and I'd call him from home and he's was just like, "Ahh....you're killing me." I mean, he knew.

fin

First up: ESPN's Kenny Mayne.

—-—-—-—-—-—-

What made Suzy Kolber's baby?

Kenny Mayne contemplates this question as we sit across from each other a tiny table in the library at the Regency hotel on 61st and Park in Manhattan. He repeats it out loud — slowly — lets it simmer, smirks, then tries to think of the best way to answer it without saying anything too offensive.

"What made the baby?" he repeats, making sure he got the question right.

Yes. What. The Kolber tot is a milkshake baby. So where did it come from?

"That is public knowledge, right?" he asks.

I say, yes, but then I'm not sure. I mean, she's not married, there doesn't appear to be a man in her life, and, as I explain to Mayne, there have long been questions about her sexuality and whether or not she's a lesbian.

Mayne smirks again, the patented Kenny Mayne smirk. He chooses his answer carefully since Kolber is a friend of his and he's seen pictures of the baby and then reminds himself (and me) out loud that he still has to get the baby a present.

"I think Suzy's devotion to her child and wanting to be a mother is what made the baby." Proud of his answer, he smiles.

The reason I'm sitting here in this fancy hotel, at this tiny table, talking to Kenny Mayne is because Kenny Mayne is writing a book. Or has written a book. It's called "An Incomplete & Inaccurate History of Sport," and it hits bookstores April 22. We set up this interview the day before; he agreed to meet and said he'd be wearing blue. He was. The book is comprised of short little chapters outlining everything from tackle football to orienteering, with some factual elements, generously sprinkled with bone-dry, here's-what-I-think riffs that may or may not have anything to do with the chapter titles. There are pictures and crude illustrations by his young daughters.

Bottom line: if you love Kenny Mayne, you'll love the book. If you don't like Kenny Mayne, you'll hate it. If you have no idea who Kenny Mayne is, the book will be as enjoyable to read as an Icelandic car insurance policy.

Here is some information gleaned from our two-hour conversation:

• This is a fancy-ass hotel he's staying at, and Kenny Mayne seemingly knows every single person who works there. We pause a few times during the interview so he can acknowledge busboys, waiters, hostesses and various other hotel employees. Others spotted at the hotel in the lobby? Diane Sawyer. Colin Powell. Oh, and the black piano-playing dude from Melinda and Melinda who ended up boinking Chole Sevigny. (Ed. Note: That would be Chiwetel Ejiofor, and he's actually pretty awesome.)

• He was paid a little under six figures to do "Dancing With The Stars."

• He read his Media Approval Rating and was impressed at how well thought out the comments were.

• He read one-quarter of "God Save The Fan" in the bookstore. (Ed. Note: Buy it, dick.)

• He has recently re-upped his contract with ESPN — but he won't be doing SportsCenter this time around.

• He jokingly asked for a signing bonus during the negotiations. He did not get it.

• He owns a 2.5 percent share of a 4-year-old racehorse.

• When there are important, real world stories to be done on ESPN, Bob Ley is called in. That's what happened on 9/11. Mayne says "Yeah, they call in the general." Bob Ley is "the general."

• He has a weird accent that sounds vaguely Canadian.

• He has a notebook of quips that he's used on SportsCenter.

• Snoop Dogg blurbs his book, but he's never smoked herb with him even though he's had plenty of opportunities.

• He loves Pearl Jam and is attending their concert on June 27 with Neil Everett.

• He has not seen "Two Girls One Cup." After I explain to him in graphic detail of what it is, he simply says, with a wide-eyed expression, "Ah, I don't know if I'd want to see that..."

• He admits that "Who's Now" was not his "favorite thing ESPN has ever done."

I tell him that sometimes he seemed bored doing SportsCenter, and ask him if that was done intentionally.
"That was actually a criticism of one of the [ESPN] bosses. That doing something in a deadpan way may come across like that," he says." But I don't think I'm bored, I just think it's funnier if I don't laugh at my own joke, ring the bell, or announce, 'Okay, I'm going to say something funny now.'" And he is a funny guy. He considers himself a creative, cerebral-type guy, who has aspirations of being Christopher Guest, more than being a glorified sports news reader.

Mayne hedges a little bit when asked about his future with ESPN by saying that he plans on fulfilling his contract the next two years, but he does envision a life outside of the WWL.

"If I had my druthers, I'd not work and just make independent films," he says. "But I like the position I'm in with ESPN right now and the security so we're not quite there yet." (He does not come off pretentious when he says this. However, it is noted, that when typed out, it does appear pretentious. I assure you it's not.)

But what about the environment at ESPN? The big, corporate overlord seems like it would be creatively stifling, especially with those inter-office memos. He's evasive — except about the memos.

"Yeah, I'd like to know who your sources are on that. They seem to get to you guys rather quickly. It's probably somewhat amusing to the rank-and-file employees to see our inter-office memos posted five minutes after they're distributed. I can understand how our bosses wouldn't like it. Norby probably doesn't love it."

Now, onto more pertinent matters: Salisbury. Mayne says he was completely thrown off-guard when they let Salisbury go, but he does offer that the timing of Cris Carter hopping on board almost as soon as NFL Live went under, may suggest that ESPN brass new Carter would be available. He said he had no knowledge of Salisbury's firing prior to when it happened and had only heard about some of his, um, "problems" from what he read online and in the paper. (Mayne is not a big drinker and says he hasn't been drunk in seven years. This is probably why he didn't hang out with Salisbury very much. We have two Cokes at the hotel, which cost $13.01. Told you it was a fancy hotel.)

"I thought Sean did a great job when he was there. I also thought Sterling Sharpe did a great job when he was there. I liked Michael Irvin when he was there and then, of course, they replaced him with Emmitt Smith..."

Right. Emmitt. What do you think of Emmitt, Kenny?

"I think he's a great dancer. Great guy. I think he's getting a lot better on television..."

Loosely translated and interpreted: As a current employee of ESPN, Emmitt Smith is a great dancer.

We get back to the book for a little bit. One section that stands out is when Mayne talks about one of his many Rock N' Jock softball appearances. He talks glowingly about being on a team with a teenage Jessica Biel. In the span of 50 words in the book, he mentions this fact at least three times. I imply that he didn't hide his attraction to her that well.

"Well, I think I also said that she could be my niece...she was 18, 19 at the time."

Right, but did you have a boner?

"She was a young, attractive lass. I think it's okay, when she's an, uh, older person that you could mention something like that in the book."

Right, but what if she grew up to be a beast? Would you mention it then?

"No. Then it wouldn't be bragging rights. She was a good contributor to our team."

Translation: boner.

Throughout the conversation, it's obvious that the on-camera Kenny Mayne is remarkably close to his real-life persona: self-effacing, weird-thinking, droll. Outside of a couple of "shits" and one "give a fuck" he doesn't curse. He's in that rarified air of the sports entertainment industry of, essentially, being paid to be himself. He's well aware of what this interview would entail ("You're trying to get me to say something "saucy" about my co-workers"), but chose to participate anyway. He is hopeful that the book does well, and he's more than willing to do anything possible to ensure that it does sell well. He says the publisher has earmarked 40-50 thousand as a success and he's frustrated by how low the number is. "I want to sell a million. And all the publishers were kind of patronizing me, saying, yeah, good luck with that. I could conceivably just stick it on the shelf and just not care — but wouldn't you rather succeed but not succeed?"

Go ahead. Help him succeed