Unfortunately, GM Kenny Williams can't shed the terrible contracts he took on at the last trading deadline. Earlier this season he took on Alex Rios' five-year, $61 million deal from the Blue Jays. (Rios is currently hitting .192 for the Sox.) This was shortly after trading for a pitcher who was already on the disabled list and has yet to throw a single inning in Chicago. Since Williams traded Jim Thome to the Dodgers on Monday, I guess Jake Peavy can take his time with that rehab thing.

I suppose it is still possible that Chicago could rally and win the AL Central (since no one else seems to want to win it), but the Thome trade is a clear signal to fans that they should give up that dream. The Dodgers on the other hand,also added former White Sock(?) and Diamondback pitcher Jon Garland, so they are clearly going all in on 2009.

A team doing everything possible to win. I wonder what that feels like.

The Sox Surrender, Trade Both Jim Thome and Jose Contreras [Foul Balls]
What, Exactly, Are The White Sox Doing? [Rumors and Rants]

Kevin Towers and Jim Hendry danced all night but in the end there's only one person to blame—Jason Marquis. That's right, the Cubs passed on a chance to land the best free agent pitcher under 300 pounds, because they didn't want to eat more than 50% of Marquis' contract.

Or to hear Peavy's agent put it—the Padres are insane and asked for way to much. The Cubs were pretty much the only option for them to move the pitcher and now Peavy will likely be starting for San Diego on Opening Day. So good job all around.

Padres, Cubs Set To Quit Each Other [Rumors and Rants]
Agent: 'Padres asked for too much' for Peavy [Chicago Tribune]

What else happened today?

• As mentioned before, the Mets got slightly less terrible. The Phillies are unimpressed. [Jets and Mets]

• Does anyone else think that the Nationals offered Mark Teixeira an 8-year, $160M deal as a joke and are secretly praying he doesn't say yes? [Nationals Enquirer]

• Believe me, if there's any player on Earth who understands inflation, it's C.C. Sabathia. [Royals Review]

• How big are the Yankees balls? They paid $160 million to take C.C. away from Milwaukee, then they offer them Melky Cabrera for Mike Cameron ... and ask the Brewers to chip in for Cameron's salary. That's how big. [NY Post]

• And they want A.J. Burnett too. [ESPN]

• Nick Punto finds the free-agent market not to his liking, re-signs with the Twins. [AP/Yahoo]

See also:
• A sneak peek at Omar Minaya's notebook [Updated] [The 'Ropolitans]
• Yellow journalism: Finding leaks at MLB's winter trade show [Big League Stew]

Peavy isn't the only pitcher who prefers the NL, which exempts the designated hitter. Greg Maddux, a friend and mentor of Peavy's, often has quipped that he stayed in the NL for his entire career because he's “not stupid.”

Meanwhile, Peavy has decided to toy with the affections of vulnerable Astros fans as he waits for this thing to play out. He told the Houston Chronicle, while on a hunting trip with Roy Oswalt , and while apparently using Roy Oswalt's cell phone (OMG!) , that he "certainly" would waive his no-trade clause to come to Houston.

That brings to mind two obvious questions: what does a Jake Peavy and Roy Oswalt hunting trip involve? And do they wear Padres unis?

Update: Don't start planning the World Series parade (for 2009, not 2008) yet, 'Stros fans. Apparently, the Cards are also very much in the mix.

Organization feeling out trade offers for Padres staff ace Peavy [San Diego Union-Tribune]

Peavy says he'd waive no-trade clause to be an Astro [Houston Chronicle]

• Does Jake Throw A Spitter? See, to me... the spitter is like a lost dark art. It's against the rules to be sure, but if it were really such a terrible thing, they wouldn't have grandfathered in all of the guys who openly threw spitters after the pitch was banned. And even now, it lives on in the hearts of slightly evil pitchers. Jake Peavy harnessing the unholy powers of hell to do the holy work of defeating the Dodgers. He's like Ghostrider or Hellblazer or Spawn or something. Carry on, young Jake! Work your dastardly magic! [Gaslamp Ball]

• Is He Cheating?. Is he cheating? Is it just a coincidence that the 3 fingers that grip the ball have a mysterious substance on them? Or does Jake Peavy wipe with his pitching hand? YOU decide. I clipped video of the final out of the game and subsequent poopy-finger shot. It seems Peavy still has an awful lot of movement on his last pitch. [Bugs and Cranks]

• Padres' Peavy Denies Using Pine Tar On Hand. "It's just dirt," said Peavy as he looked at copies of the pictures. "I pick up dirt. I mean, come on. I mean, seriously. That's funny to me, seriously." He later added, "If anybody wants to check me for anything I'm doing at any time, they're more than welcome to. I promise you that." [Los Angeles Times]

Sunday's games:

• Royals' Road Rules. Hear ye, the Royals are 4-2! Brett Tomko pitched five shutout innings and Alex Gordon had a two-run single as KC beat Minnesota 3-1 to finish their road trip 4-2. The Royals won only three road trips all of last season.

• Yankees Celebrate Diversity. Chien-Ming Wang threw a four-hitter through six innings, Hideki Matsui had a two-run homer and Joba Chamberlain and Mariano Rivera closed out the win as the Yankees prevailed over the Formerly-Known-As-Devil Rays, 2-0.

• John Smoltz Is Back, Kids! John Smoltz returned from a back injury and went five scoreless innings, with Mark Teixeira getting a two-run homer, as the Braves beat Johan Santana and the Mets 3-1. Although only 3-3, Atlanta has scored 40 runs over its first six games.

• Your Giants Update. Reliever Keiichi Yabu is out with blurry vision and corneal abrasions after the rubber tube he was using to do arm exercises became unhooked from his locker and snapped back, hitting him in the face. Outfielder Randy Winn is also out with a bruised right ankle, which he injured with his bat on a backswing. Meanwhile, the team has discontinued recorded music between innings and will instead use a laugh track. Oh, on Sunday it was Brewers 7, Giants 0. Today is Opening Day at AT&T Park!

• Your Dodgers Update. Brad Penny had a not-so-great first inning on Saturday against the Padres (giving up four runs on six hits), and Rockin' The Ravine thinks it knows why: "Taking another look at Dodgers.com, apparently Penny went to warm up in the bullpen a half-hour before the game started, but there wasn't a catcher there. So he tried to get an usher and then a member of the grounds crew to warm him up, but they both declined. He finally found a Dodgers fan in the stands who played catch with him from the fifth row. Are you kidding me!? Is this little league?" [Rockin' The Ravine]

In all fairness, Klondike bars are a messy ordeal. But after Kenny Rogers' mysterious shmootz in the 2006 postseason which magically enabled him to be the only Tigers pitcher to effectively throw the ball to any base, one has to wonder if Peavy's getting performance-enhancing stains from the same dealer. Then again, it's April.

If you need a closer look:

I'm going with turkey gravy. It's just too delicious to not be the alibi.

Because now sports reporters at college newspapers take drunk athlete photos and post them to their blogs.

The scene: The DI Sports Bar Crawl is underway at Joe's Brewery and things are just starting to get exciting on the poles. Then, a phone call was received from a friend of a friend of DI on-air reporter, Jon Stiffler in fact, who said Jake Peavy, Roy Oswalt and Brad Penny — three of the National League's most dominant pitchers (Peavy, my favorite player/hero being the 2007 NL Cy Young winner) — were at KAM's fraternizing with the UI student body.

We don't see anything wrong with this, of course — Peavy and company don't look particularly drunk (though they can find the ladies!), and it's mostly a breathless Holy Crap Look Who's At Kam's! — but it does seem to make some sort of shift, somehow, we're not sure how.

Oh, and we love the first sentence of the piece: "The DI Sports Bar Crawl is underway at Joe's Brewery and things are just starting to get exciting on the poles." Christ. College. Nothing like it.

I Met Jake Peavy At Kam's [Daily Illini Blogs]

Nothing wrong with this picture — save for the shirt, of course — but we really were due for one of these, lest we forget our mission to infect the sports world with a nasty case of the Voyeurs.

By the way, we think this would be cooler if Peavy were wearing the Padres camouflage uniforms.

Peavy Hits The Bottle [HotFoot]