Don't be too alarmed — it's only three seconds of pretty standard grunt-heavy missionary sex on the bathroom floor, nabbed by this citizen journalist who, along with many others at Dallas Stadium last night, witnessed this display. My friend, who was at the game, said many Cowboys fans were startled by the odd noises coming from the Hall of Fame box level bathroom stall, where a couple clad in Michael Irvin jerseys were "totally banging" at the end of the 4th quarter when the Cowboys had pretty much wrapped it up. The commotion soon became very, very public and many fans equipped with cellphone cameras ran into the stall to snap pictures. Luckily, our guy had video and stuck his hand over the stall like a true professional voyeur and caught a a few mighty thrusts during Irvin on Irvin.

After the couple was finished (my friend says this was done via hand, for some reason — so old school) the two people walked out from the bathroom and were greeted by raucous applause. One onlooker yelled "See you on YouTube!" and the happy man graciously replied "Bring it on!" Of course he did.

Now, whether Jerry Jones will take it upon himself to fuck-proof the roomy Hall of Fame bathroom stalls from here on out is yet to be seen, but since he has Cowboys cage dancers and plenty of other carnival-like attractions going on, a little public fornication probably won't faze him too much.

Dallas Cowboy Stadium, ladies and gentlemen — fun for the whole family.

A fan who wrote a complaint letter to the Cowboys was offered this semi-contrite note from the organization along with some more party passes. The letter also reveals that "the only reason so many party passes were sold for Sunday's game was to break the attendance record." You don't say.

Hi Michael,

I sincerely apologize for the problematic experience you and your family endured on Sunday. In order to help make the situation right, we can offer you a refund or comp party passes to another game this season.

If you would like a refund, Ticketmaster will issue the refund for your party pass purchase. Please contact them at 1-800-653-8000. We have communicated with Ticketmaster, and they are aware of the refund process for this event.

If it helps at all, the only reason so many party passes were sold for Sunday's game was to break the attendance record [the Cowboys deny writing this part of the letter]. I can assure you that only 1/3 of that amount of party passes will be sold for each game going forward...10,000 max instead of 30,000. That was a one-time deal for the grand opening of the stadium .

Sincerely, Dallas Cowboys Football Club

There you have it: Jerry Jones is sorry for his Texas-sized hubris and the hellish environment he created by deliberately overselling party passes. So to make up for it, how 'bout some more of those party passes?
Cowboys Offer Refund, World's Worst Excuse (Updated) [Blue Star]

Roughly 29,999 of the 30,000 people who paid $29 to wander around Cowboys Stadium on Sunday night were left disappointed by the fact that crowded concourses, blocked access, and long bathroom lines meant they paid $29 for standing room tickets to a TV. Those were the lucky ones. Many folks didn't even get inside, because they were under the mistaken impression that a "ticket" gives you access to an event and not just access to the "plazas outside the party decks" which are not actually inside the stadium. Fine print!

As this video helpfully demonstrates, the vast majority of Party Pass holders only got a view of the other Party Pass holders. And naturally, the swarm of Texas-sized asses clogging the entrances, concourses, concessions and seats belonging to actual ticket holders created such chaos that the fire department gave up trying to control them and officially declared jungle law.

There was one fan who defended the passes to the Dallas Morning News—all you had to do was show up 5 hours early!—but another poo-pooed his theory and eloquently put things into perspective for all the angry Cowboy backers.

"Absolute Disaster. That's it. Concession lines were way too long, bathrooms were overcrowded, it reminded me of the Superdome after Hurricane Katrina.

Without all the death and rape, of course!

Fortunately I was with three other guys that are 6'4" 250 lbs. so we were able to push our way through crowds. I talked to countless people who got there hours ahead of kickoff only to be bullied out of the way with no view of the field.

Interesting. Were these the same people bullied by your friends or are we talking about a different group of pushy jerks?

Did they let the party get too big at Cowboys Stadium? [Dallas Morning News]
Jerry Jones on the Party Pass [Dallas Morning News]
Video of The Dallas Cowboys Party Pass Area [YouBeenBlinded]

You haven't seen the owner of the Cowboys pick his nose until you've seen it on a giant 160-by-72 foot high definition video screen. Such fidelity! Such vivid colors! Man, that schozz just leaps out you! Don't raise that scoreboard one inch, because the man paid his money and everyone deserves to see boogers in all their over-sized pixeled glory. That thing makes snot on your iPod Nano look like snot on a Sony Watchman.

Add that pick to Tony Romo's three and Dallas is 0-1 at home. But man did it look sharp!

Jerry Jones Caught Picking His Nose At New Cowboys Stadium [Sports Rubbish]

* * * * *

Monday means Work. Glorious Work to make our Revolution strong! Report slackers to your local party office.

The Cowboys insane video scoreboard and it's special teams abilities will be a hot topic of broadcaster conversation at every Dallas home game (and some away games) this year, so bloggers—as is their wont—have been forced to invent a drinking game. A brief selection from the rules:

6. One shot if the broadcast cuts to Jerry Jones' uneasy face after Andy Lee punts the ball into his scoreboard.

7. Two shots if Coach Mike Singletary looks amused with Andy Lee punting the ball into the scoreboard.

8. One shot if any broadcaster makes an analogy between the new Cowboy Stadium and the Death Star.

It might not be that fun, but I guarantee you'll be passed out before halftime.

Andy Lee Drinking Game [Niners Nation]

GeekBrief.tv posted this longer video about the giant punt-blocking HDTV hanging over the field, but in the course of their visit they also discovered something special—the worst stadium seats imaginable. One is literally behind a cement column. The other sits up against a cement wall that obstructs all of the stadium except for one red zone. I'm not sure which exact seat this is, but there doesn't seem to be any indication on Ticketmaster that obstructed view seats are available or that they are any cheaper than the lowest listed price of $75. ($59 as part of a season ticket package.) The standing-room only morons get a better deal than that, but at least you get a chair.

How bad are these seats? You are in the same room with the world's largest video screen, a massive 160-by-90-foot egoriffic TV built specifically to give fans in the cheap seats a visual reminder that they are actually attending a football game ... and you can't even see that. Unless you've recently had your neck elongated, you are better off watching at home.

So when broadcasters are boasting every Sunday about the 100,000 maniacs feeding the Jerry Jones wishing machine, do you think they will mention the 35,000 (plus two!) fans who are paying money to not watch a football game with their own eyes? Please, sir, may we have some more?

Visiting the Largest HD Display in the World [GeekBrief.tv, via BobsBlitz]
Related: Cowboys' Massive New Stadium Not Big Enough To Play Football In
New Yankee Stadium Preserves Some Of That 1920s Charm

Forty million of those dollars went to the installation of a massive 160-foot long, 90-foot high HD video board that dominates the airspace above the field. And in a surprise twist that no one could have seen coming, it took only one game to learn that an average NFL punter can easily smack the thing on a routine kick. Titans backup A.J. Trapasso hit it in the third quarter of their preseason game last night. Starter Craig Hentrich said he hit it half a dozen times in warmups and estimated that half the league's kickers wouldn't be able to punt normally in that building.

Jones isn't buying that, however. He says the board has "entertainment value" and has no plans to move it higher. (There probably isn't room, anyway.) Plus, Jones is convinced that the only danger is a devious punter with no regard for the laws of football who would intentionally try to hit the thing.

"If you look at how you punt the football, unless you're trying to hit the scoreboard, you punt the ball to get downfield. You certainly want to get some hangtime, but you punt the ball to get downfield, and you sure don't punt the ball down the middle. You punt it off to the side."

"How high is high if somebody just wants to sit there and kick straight up?"

Yeah, why would a punter ever want to kick a ball ... up? That's not the Cowboy way, I tell ya.

Titans kicker exposes problem in Cowboys Stadium [ESPN]
Jerry Jones: The scoreboard isn't budging [Dallas Morning News]

The Dallas Morning News has obtained text messages sent between two city officials in Irving the day after the Cowboys practice facility crumbled during a windstorm in May. They begin by speculating that the "building" was actually more of a "tent" that probably should not have built in the first place. But the Cowboys, believe it or not, have some measure of influence in the Irving area and what the Boys wants the Boys gets.

[Irving City Manager Tommy] Gonzalez called the facility "a big ole tent" that "probably never was structurally sound enough" to hold up against straight-line winds.

"But it was for 'the cowboys'... that's just what my gut tells me," Gonzalez wrote to Brenda McDonald, the city's real estate and development director....

In a message to city staffers the morning after the collapse, Gonzalez said the city would probably receive inquiries about the city's permit process and the structure's soundness. McDonald told Gonzalez she would look into whether proper permitting and inspection procedures were followed.

"I am sure it was – and also know how the D org pushes things thru – thx," Gonzalez wrote back.

"We experienced that 'push' this spring on a stairway up to the new temporary observation booth that they constructed in Valley Ranch," McDonald responded. "It is a model of the suites at the new stadium."

When reached for comment, Gonzalez insisted to the paper that the Cowboys receive no special treatment and they don't put pressure on city employees. However, the Cowboys organization is what as known as a "big swinging dick" around Irving. (Would you even know where Irving was if it wasn't for them?) And this wouldn't be the first time that voters suspected the city of cozying up to the football team.

City Council member Beth Van Duyne said there's been a pervasive perception among residents that the Cowboys and Jones get whatever they want. She has for years said the city and team's Texas Stadium exit agreement too strongly favored the Cowboys. Among other things in that document, city officials agreed not to compete against the $1.15 billion replacement stadium set to open in Arlington this weekend.

"The council may have allowed their adoration of the Cowboys franchise to impact their decision," Van Duyne said.

Now that the new stadium is in Arlington they may be less inclined to help Jerry Jones and Sons, but that won't console the 12 people who were injured—one paralyzed—in the building collapse. The News already reported that "the Cowboys made major structural reinforcements to the facility last year using advice from a man who has falsified his educational credentials and served federal prison time for his role in a violent drug trafficking ring" and then didn't even follow up with the city to have those improvements inspected.

Don't feel bad guys. Plenty of towns much bigger than Irving have been pushed around by plenty of companies that were way less powerful than the Cowboys. It's like you're part of the club now.

Irving official's text messages cast doubt on strength of Cowboys practice facility [Dallas Morning News]
Money no longer flowing freely for Dallas Cowboys [Dallas Morning News]

Jerry Jones attempted to explain the gag order to some media members last night, and Albert Breer of the Sporting News was among them.

In particular, he was angry over two recent reports. First, he denied ever having players over to his home to discuss Terrell Owens' future with the team. Second, he refuted the report that he and his son, chief operating officer Stephen Jones, were debating the subject and that the son was trying convince his father to cut Owens.

How gagging your head coach is going to keep these alleged lies from coming out in the media is beyond me, but I'm not insane. Wade Phillips obviously had no comment on the gag order itself, but he has expressed interest in a gag of the bacon-flavored variety.

The Sporting News via The Sporting Blog

In other NFL news...well it's actually pretty slow on that front.

• Pat White made his case to be considered as a quarterback at the NFL level with an impressive performance in front of coaches and scouts at the Senior Bowl.

• Brian Schottenheimer has told the Jets that he'll stay on as offensive coordinator after being passed up for the head coaching job. BUT WHAT ABOUT BRETT?!?!

• Finally ESPN has solved the case of what happened to all of that 19-0 merchandise by sending the intrepid Chris Connelly to Nicaragua, and only six months after these guys went. Seriously, what would we do without the bye week edition of NFL Countdown? Kill me now.

Jerry Jones Digs John Legend

That'll super-secure the cowboy vote: Richard Petty, Richard Childress and Cowboy Troy will become the most famous celebrities in the world to back the McCain/Palin ticket today at Lowe's Motor Speedway. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]

Worst. Jersey. Ever.: Paul Lukas of Uni Watch hates, hates, HATES the new Atlanta Thrashers jersey. [Uni Watch]

Jerry Jones doesn't know the definition of the word enabler: Papa Jones blames himself for Pacman's latest scuffle by claiming it wouldn't have happened "had we not had the security with him", which is kind of like blaming yourself for your girlfriend cheating on you because you treated her too great. [SbB]

"Tebow Shanoff"?: Dan Shanoff contemplates naming his new kid after Tim Tebow, luckily thinks better of it. [Dan Shanoff]

Rusty trombones forgiven: The University of Wisconsin marching band will be back on the field for today's game against Penn State after a week off for bad behavior. [The Paper Trail]

"That particular official gets a lot of criticism. He's a highly criticized official in the NFL," Jones told the AP.

That particular official. Chilly, Mr. Jones. This is an overly cruel remark when you consider how hard Ed is taking all of this criticism. Don't the guns fool you — Ed Hochuli is a hyper-sensitive soul, who craves positive reinforcement. I mean, look at the type of music the man listens to when he goes running:

Runner's World: Is there one thing you listen to if you really want to kick-start your run?

ED: If I'm really looking for a pump from music ... I'll setup my iPod with different playlists. I'll listen to the electronic. I got a lot of electronic or trance. That kind of music that has a heavy beat with no lyrics. That's what would be the motivating music, if you will.

Trippy. Maybe Hochuli screwed up that call (and many others) because he's suffering from the long-term side effects of MDMA abuse?

Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones On Ed Hochuli: 'He's a Highly Criticized Official' [MDS' Fanhouse]

The top three teams in the Forbes list were the same as last year: the Dallas Cowboys ($1.612 billion), the Washington Redskins ($1.538 billion) and the New England Patriots ($1.324 billion). The Redskins have the highest estimated revenue and operating income at $327 million and $58.1 million, respectively.

You think only big money has been made in the old days? Way back in 1989, Jerry Jones purchased the Dallas Cowboys for the then exorbitant price of $150 million. That's worked out pretty well also. In another twenty years are we going to be talking about the Cowboys worth over $10 billion?

The Giants and Jets clock in at numbers 4 and 5 in the league thanks to their new stadium. Each is valued at $1.17 billion. According to Forbes the average NFL team is now worth twice what the average major league team is.

NFL average team value over a billion [Yahoo]
Average NFL Franchise Value Over $1 Billion, According to Forbes [Biz of Football]

With the Cowboys recently overtaking the rival Redskins as the most valuable franchise in pro sports, it's no surprise Jones would demand a hefty sum. It's bound to be a shock to 'Boys fans who are more used to the more austerely named Texas Stadium.

"[Marc Ganis, president of Chicago-based sports business consultancy Sportscorp Ltd] said anything above $18 million - which he and other experts said the Cowboys could garner - would reflect 'the Jerry Jones premium.'"

I hope Exxon gets the deal and offers a Jerry Jones premium that's essentially rocket fuel that blows up your car.

Of course, you've got to offset however you can the cost of a stadium with a price tag that has ballooned to $1.1 billion. $20 million though would only match the deals struck with the new Nets arena and Mets ballpark in New York. SOME PREMIUM, JJ!