I was at the Lions-Browns game last Sunday and it was a treasure trove of customizable weirdness. Unfortunately, all I had was my lousy cellphone camera and no interest in asking people to stand still for me so I could take a picture of their back. There's no explanation—especially the truth—that wouldn't make you look like a deranged loser in that situation, so my contributions are not all they could be. No regrets.

On a related note, I've noticed a trend whereby someone spends a lot of money on a jersey of their favorite player, only to later find out that this player is horrible. So in a sad attempt at vengeance/recycling, they use duct tape or markers to customize it again. It's often a form of protest against the fact that they contributed $100 to the career of someone terrible. Also, there were a surprising number of Brady Quinn jerseys on the numerous Brown fans who drove up from Toledo to Ford Field. So I put two and two together and got a lot of No. 10 jerseys with "QUEER" taped over the nameplate in our near future. It's the circle of clothing.

Anyway, on to Part V. Previous editions below.

Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV

Part Buckeye, Part Brown ... All Sweatpants.
Here's my photo skills at work. That's a Dre Bly jersey with the name crossed out and "Who?" written next to it in black tape. Why not Bert Blyleven?
Again, you can't make it out, but the nameplate reads "Quarterbacks of the Century" and contains four numbers. The best part is that Boomer Esiason can just assume No. 7 is him.
No idea.
Now you've taken a perfectly good Vikings jersey and ruined it twice. [Submitted by Kent O.]
These are allegedly British Patriot fans in London—sort of like Jewish Saints fans in Tel Aviv?—but they sure have a knack for this. (And by "this" I mean looking like yobs.) [Submitted by Jessica H.]
Does this guy need smaller shoulders or more back fat? I bet cheesesteaks would help. [Submitted by Jeffrey R.]
The jersey so nice she spilled beer on it twice. [Submitted by Joe E.]
Believe it or not, this photo isn't doctored. The kid wears that black thing on his face everytime his parents make him put on that stupid jersey. A last name like Stinkbutt is not an easy thing to live with. [Submitted by Dan]
But where are The Balls? [Submitted by Mitchell C.]
How many times have we told you.... do not be That Guy. [Submitted by Jon L.]
What did I just say? [Submitted by Julia A.]
Ok, now you're just being difficult. [Submitted by Jonathan S.]
I don't care what anyone says, the Superbad references will remain relevant for decades. [Submitted by Chad H. - @ Kauffman Stadium]
I think we would have figured it out without the shirt. [Submitted by JBrad]
What do you think he said to the bachelorette party as he passed? Oh to be a fly on that inflatable penis. [Submitted by Ben D.]
No one likes a show off. [Submitted by Neil M.]
I heard Babe Ruth actually tried to put that on his jersey once, but the letters were made out of bacon so he ate them in the on-deck circle. [Submitted by John S.]
If you say so ... [Submitted by Mahalvy]
Yeah, Phil Rivers does seem like an Ike and Tina fan. Or an Ike fan, anyway. [Submitted by Mahalvy]
You know what most jerseys need? More reading! [Submitted by Luke B.]
And scene.... [Submitted by Ryan I.]

In this edition, a tribute to Koko the Monkey, more bad duct tape, boozehounds, straight pimpage and, as usual, lots of lovable fat guys. If you see more custom greatness out there, send the (good) pictures with the subject: "Custom Jersey." And if you missed our previous renditions of the series, here are the links.

Part I
Part II
Part III

For all the people about to leave a disparaging comment ... he's talking to you. [Submitted by Rael]
Okay, this is ridiculous. "Be alert for bats"? Unless Rico from Staten Island is about to club him from behind with a Louisville Slugger, I think he's safe. [Submitted by E. Blum @ Yankee Stadium]
Still the best Blue Jackets player of all time. [Submitted by Ben S.]
In all fairness to this guy, I'm sure he did not make this himself, but rather pulled it out of a fake can stuffed inside a 30-pack. [Submitted by Paul S.]
It's not "zero zero." It's "oo." [Submitted by Zain I.]
As in ... "oo ooh ah ahh." [Submitted by Ben D.]
Mike O., please.
I'm really starting to think that some people don't like Brett Favre. [Submitted by Charles D.]
Can't forget the extra dose of this pimpin'. [Submitted by Rob B.]
The extra T is for a double dose of these Tasty Tacos. [Submitted by Adam B.]
I'm confused. Is that what the hat is made out of? [Submitted by Pat F.]
I guess this doubles as a Sports-O-Ween entry (for the love of god, stop sending those in), but I don't see blackface so I can't tell for sure. [Submitted by Scott K.]
You know what? Sometimes you just gotta say what everyone else is thinking. [Submitted by Nick S.]
You'll notice that this guy is wearing a Patriots hoodie under his "Favre4Ever" jersey while attending an American football game in London. Clearly a Tory spy. [Submitted by John M.]
See, cause Pat Tillman was in the Army Rangers. Get it? [Submitted by John O.]
Okayyyyyyyy.... [Submitted by Mark V.]
You know, rhinos are among the most dangerous land mammals. [Submitted by Robert G.]
Let's not get ahead of yourselves, Jacksonville fans. There's a good chance the NFL won't even let you draft next spring. [Submitted by Jan L.]
Well, it's hard to argue with a shirt. [Submitted by Rick M., seen in Chicago]
Why aren't all mobs this good at brand awareness? [Submitted by Eric M.]
All right, I give up. What the hell does this mean? [Submitted by Josh H.]
He's a real wiredout man. Sitting in his wiredout land. Making all his plan to ... wire ... out ... something. I guess. [Submitted by Nick M.]

Hockey Canada announced yesterday that the team will wear the green jerseys at next year's world championships as a tribute to the CFL's Saskatchewan Roughriders, which would be akin to the USA's squad wearing purple in honor of the AFL's Milwaukee Mustangs.

Specious justifications aside, you might have noticed that green isn't one of the colors on Canada's flag. This has a few people upset.

"Pretty much the stupidest idea ever. So the crowd will be in red and white but the team will be green?"

"Great idea: use Canada's junior hockey team to honour a football team with 23 Americans on its active roster.
That'll be sure to capture the spirit of Canadian hockey."

"Why didn't anybody tell me the Toronto St. Patricks were making a comeback?"

"Well the other colour is yellow and they couldn't go with that as it conotates cowardice."

"If we make the gold medal game whoever we play will respect us about as much as dirt. In our red and white thats a simbole of power and superiority we might win because our opponents will be rolling around on the ice laughing"

It's breaking down to the point where commenters are trashing the newspaper's site for flagging "colour" as a misspelling. There's some serious Canadian pride on display this weekend, so avoid your local Tim Horton's and TD Banks should riots break out.

Canada Unveils Green Jersey [Globe and Mail]

Volumes One and Two of our custom jersey showcase were fun, but now things have stopped being polite and are starting to get real. Like really, real. Bragging, insults, racism, homophobia, alcoholism, terrible penmanship. This round has it all. No topic is so taboo that someone won't try and pay the NFL Shop to put it on a shirt. Behold this terrible peek into the psyche of a troubled nation.

And once again, if you've got more, keep sending them in. This bad medicine is what I need.

The jersey itself is fantastic—whatever it means—but I'm more interested in his friend, who is apparently riding a cooler. Now THAT'S some serious customization.

[Submitted by Dunstan D.]
This is our second run-in with "Schuster" who is apparently a multi-sport star. New England really knows how to produce winners.

[Submitted by Kegan L.]
Far too many of these involve some variation of a Favre jersey. When Wife of Favre gets in on the act, you know you've jumped the shark.

[Submitted by Adam W.]
Finally, a Jet fan is rewarded for wishful thinking. Actually, I guess five interceptions against the Bills is more of a gift than a reward.

[Photo by Marianne O'Leary - @ 2009 NFL Draft]
Well, that's one way to reduce, reuse, recycle.

[Via JoeSportsFan]
And that's another. Come on, guys. You saved enough paper route money to buy a shirt once, you can do it again.

[Submitted by John L.]
Politics, Favre, bad Sharpie work, unnecessary apostrophes, and the jersey is inside out. It's perfect. And I still don't understand it.

[Submitted by Joe S. - seen in Minneapolis.]
Yeah! And what's up with the stupid cheese things they wear on their heads?

[Also submitted by Joe S. in Minneapolis.]
[Submitted by Frank G - "Here's 2 custom jerseys I spotted at the recent Jets/Pats game. I also feel that with the first one, it should be noted that it wasn't merely just an anti-favre statement with duck tape and a sharpie, but he also managed to make a myriad of "what's a dickfour" jokes... the best of which was when someone's not-too-football-savvy girlfriend asked him something along the lines of "Who's the Dick Four?" or "Who's Dick Four?" and he seemlessly responded "The dick's for you babe."]

Then they totally did it right there in the stands, right? That HAS to be how the story ends, right?!
I don't ... what?

[Also submitted by Frank G.]
The sad part? That's actually Tim Couch.

[Submitted by Jeff G.]
Tuck me? Tuck me into bed? Oh, how very thoughtful! Such nice fans!

[Submitted by Peter F. - seen "@ the Raiders-Giants game"]
Einhorn is a man?!

[Submitted by model American Jason S.]
Worst Ben and Jerry's flavor ever.

[Submitted by Seth - @ UT-Colorado game]
Have you guys met Schuster?

[Submitted by ... "Munky," I guess. - "This is my wife and I in my study. Too bad I don't had a shot of her name. It says "Bruiser" on the back. hahaha"]
Why is she leaning to the left?

[Submitted by Thomas D. - seen at "a bar outside of Philadelphia"]
Finally, a shirt we can all agree on.

[Submitted by Jeremy S.]
Wait, Cheney is going to be 46? Oh man. I guess I'll hold on to that Halliburton stock.

[Submitted by Sean J. - "At the Red Sox v. Rangers, August 16th. Guy behind us was trying to figure out why Bush was 43, "I guess it's Nolan Ryan's number [34] backwards or something?"]
That's not a lens flare. That's Dale Sr. up in heaven. His head just exploded.

[Submitted by George M.]
I still say he's the hardest Mega Man boss ever.

[Submitted by Kaiping S. - "at the chargers vs ravens game"]
This guy has intentionally broken his arm six times and still can't throw a fastball over 60 m.p.h.

[Submitted by Norman D.]
The classics never go out of style.

[Submitted by Rosco]
A sad reader writes: "I was so excited about the new 49er regime, of Mike Nolan and Scott McCloughan, that I stupidly got this jersey...they went 5-11. Ugh. Feel free to print my stupidity."

[Submitted by Ryan (last name withheld to protect his family)]

[Submitted by Kid Canada - "It's a Montreal Canadiens jersey that says LEAFS SUCK 67 on the back, '67 being the last year the Leafs won the Stanley Cup. How Canadian am I? Not sure if this guy wears the jersey when the Canadiens are playing, say, the Minnesota Wild."]
Um ... are you allowed to do this? Even in Louisiana? I don't like this game anymore.

[Submitted by Noah L. - taken @ LSU-GA game]
I think the empty pitcher also explains why he thought it was a good idea to buy this jersey in the first place.

[Submitted by Matt D.]
Just so we're clear: You're the one with the football jersey expertly tucked into your jeans. Also, you're eating "Chicken on a Stick," so I'm not sure you're allowed to mock anyone at this point.

[Submitted by Katie C. - taken UT-OU game]
"What do I do for a living, little lady? Read the jersey."

[Submitted by R. Bradley]

We're not sure who the jersey artist is or what his relationship is to Wife of Favre, but it seems like she backs the sentiment. So thank you, Ted Thompson, for forcing her husband into a comfortable retirement in a nice Southern climate so that he could then draw even more intrusive media attention into her life and drag her back north to spend a winter in Minnesota. You're real friend, pal!

* * * * *

By the way, we'll have a new jersey gallery later this week so keep them coming. Your funny shirts are my strength when I am weak.

Enjoy Monday Night Football (if you dare) and/or Rockies-Phils. Thank you for your continued support of whatever it is we do here.

In this update to our original gallery—fat guys on motorcycles, more immortal movie characters, and even actual athletes who get their own personalized jerseys (for free!) can't resist the customized joke trend. You never looked so good, kids.

This is the last thing you see before you drive your car into the wall of the Big Dig. [Submitted by Marshall S. - "on the 55 freeway last night (Oct. 9) on our way to Angels Stadium."]
No idea... [Submitted by Meg]
This jersey is included here not for the slur—again, when you put this on your back, you are now describing yourself—but for the duct tape that takes the pathetic to a whole other level. [Submitted by Jeff H.]
"Don't give me this 'olé' bullshit." [Submitted by Jody C.]
When you think about it, is this really an insult? [Submitted by Cameron F.]
Gee, you'd think the First Lady could score better seats. [Submitted by Ricardo]
Truth in advertising. The guy definitely has a helmet painted on his head. [Submitted by Phil G. - "taken at Colts - Seahawks game"]
You know, there aren't a lot of folks left these days willing to criticize international terrorism via t-shirt. Thank you, sir, for your courage. [Submitted by John T. - "Snapped this from my terrible seats during the Redskins thrilling 9-7 win over the Rams in week 2."]
Andthendropoffacliffanddieafierydeath
IhateyousomuchexceptforJimEdmondshe'sokayiguess. [Submitted by Boose, in St. Louis]
According to the submitter: "This was taken at a Mets/Cards game in august of '08. At one point, they played "Enter Sandman" over the PA and this guy totally lost his shit." Wow. That is a surprising detail! [Submitted by Chris H.]
Almost there.... [via]
There we go. Taking it biblical was exactly what we needed here. [Submitted by Cameron D. - no, not that one.]
It's a shame. With just a slight adjustment that could have said "Wicker." [Submitted by Dale N.]
Did you ever wake up in the morning and say to yourself, "You know what? I need to make a permanent tribute to a terrible movie that no one ever talks about or even remembers fondly and then wear that on my back." Yeah, me neither. [Submitted by Ryan W. - "at the Phillies-Rockies game"]
No sign of Laser or Blazer? [Submitted by Aryeh]
The good thing is that we now know Garrett Atkins' clubhouse nickname. At least, I hope that's Garrett Atkins and not their new closer, Manami Hairyfatkins. [Photo via Denver Post]

We asked for more and you delivered. People just love funny t-shirts! It's like in the DNA of America. The only think we love more than humorous clothing are pooping jokes. And if we can somehow celebrate both at the same time? Well....

Yes, that was Najeh Davenport's number. Add it to the wall. (Right next to the Bettis FatHead.)

Previously: The Best (Or Worst?) Personalized Jerseys Of The Year

* * * * *

Thursday. Welcome to October. I've got a good feeling about this one.

The Favrebag seemed to generate a lot of interest from readers, as the last couple of days have seen a flood of submissions of fans who just couldn't resist the opportunity to wear their sense of humor on their back. Fashion-comedy genius or a waste of good polyester? You decide.

Keep sending more and we'll add them to collection. (Also check out Puck Daddy's "Jersey Fouls" for more shirt-based awkwardness.)

This one gets points for difficulty, because it requires both partners to be in sync for the joke to work. Sadly, it loses points because the people behind them are trying to eat nachos. [Submitted by reader Arthur]
Unnecessary capitalization. YEs! yES! YES! [Submitted by Brent]
Eh. That's not so drunk. (Nice helmet though.) [Submitted by Shannon]
Hey, Utah! Get me two. [Submitted by Andrew, Taken at Eagles-Chiefs game in Philly]
Celebrating the greatest moment in White Sox fan history. Plus, elder abuse is always good for a chuckle. [Submitted by Alex - "Taken at the 9/25 Sox-Tigers game"]
This is more confusing than Kordell Stewart's career. [Submitted by Zach - Taken at Bears-Steelers game, Week 2]
It took a long time, but being a Steve Bono fan finally pays off. [Submitted by Sully]
Don't ask me.... [Bangin Panger]
Again, I'm not really sure who we're talking about anymore. [Submitted by John]
When Stinky Met Pujols
Truth In Labeling?
No Autographs, Please. Mr. Hellraiser Has A Plane To Catch
There's 60% chance that this guy is actually named Hingis and a 40% chance that this is actually an NFL Europe jersey. Either way, it's still confusing. [Submitted by JNP - no other info]
And that's the bottom line, because I stole this from Drew Bledsoe's closet. [Submitted by John S. - "walking into the TD Banknorth Garden in Boston for the 10th anniversary of WWE Smackdown, of course."]
Sigh.... [Submitted by Brendan]
The Legend of Najeh Davenport will live forever. [Submitted by Ben]
No idea... [Submitted by Meg]
This jersey is included here not for the slur—again, when you put this on your back, you are now describing yourself—but for the duct tape that takes the pathetic to a whole other level. [Submitted by Jeff H.]
"Don't give me this 'olé' bullshit." [Submitted by Jody C.]
When you think about it, is this really an insult? [Submitted by Cameron F.]
Gee, you'd think the First Lady could score better seats. [Submitted by Ricardo]
Truth in advertising. The guy definitely has a helmet painted on his head. [Submitted by Phil G. - "taken at Colts - Seahawks game"]
You know, there aren't a lot of folks left these days willing to criticize international terrorism via t-shirt. Thank you, sir, for your courage. [Submitted by John T. - "Snapped this from my terrible seats during the Redskins thrilling 9-7 win over the Rams in week 2."]
Andthendropoffacliffanddieafierydeath
IhateyousomuchexceptforJimEdmondshe'sokayiguess. [Submitted by Boose, in St. Louis]
According to the submitter: "This was taken at a Mets/Cards game in august of '08. At one point, they played "Enter Sandman" over the PA and this guy totally lost his shit." Wow. That is a surprising detail! [Submitted by Chris H.]
Almost there.... [via]
There we go. Taking it biblical was exactly what we needed here. [Submitted by Cameron D. - no, not that one.]
It's a shame. With just a slight adjustment that could have said "Wicker." [Submitted by Dale N.]
Did you ever wake up in the morning and say to yourself, "You know what? I need to make a permanent tribute to a terrible movie that no one ever talks about or even remembers fondly and then wear that on my back." Yeah, me neither. [Submitted by Ryan W. - "at the Phillies-Rockies game"]
No sign of Laser or Blazer? [Submitted by Areyh]
The good thing is that we now know Garrett Atkins clubhouse nickname. At least, I hope that's Garrett Atkins and not their new closer. [Photo via Denver Post]
This is the last thing you see before you drive your car into the wall of the Big Dig. [Submitted by Marshall S. - "on the 55 freeway last night (Oct. 9) on our way to Angels Stadium."]

More on the Hail Mary Kid later, but first a field report from La Crosse, Wisconsin.

So I'm with some friends at Oktoberfest in La Crosse, Wis. For those not from the flyover states, it's a festival of public drunkenness in which people try to prove they are the biggest drunken asshole in a sea of 100,000 drunken assholes.

We were at a bar Saturday night and this guy walked in, complete with a Jared Allen-type mullet. Obviously I had to snap a picture with my phone.

A different guy I work with (also from Wisconsin) has continued to maintain he doesn't care about Favre on the Vikings. Today he simply updated his Twitter with "Favre: Go to hell."

I can only guess how Sunday's events impacted mullet/jersey guy, but yeah, Wisconsin isn't taking this well.

-Elliot, Minneapolis, Minn.

It reminds me of the immortal words of Alec "Genuine Class" Guinness, who said: "Who is the bigger d-bag? The d-bag or the d-bag who announces to the world that he is a d-bag by writing in on the back of his shirt? Or Brett Favre?"

* * * * *

Speaking of Wisconsin, I think my blood is 40% cheese right now. Welcome to Monday in the flyover states.

Spotted at Sea-Tac (maybe?)—a devil-may-care Seahawks fan advocating for his team to install Pinhead at quarterback. Judging by the team's post-Hasselbeck options, that might not be a bad idea.

Or maybe this guy's last name really is Hellraiser. The teasing he must have got as a child .... before smiting his playground enemies with brimstone.

[Photo from reader Michael K.]

* * * * *

Wednesday is here. Go get 'em.

The history of the Colorado Rockies is not that long, but they do have several cherished heroes whose names conjure happy memories of past glory. Mark Holliday. There was that Canadian guy. Dante.... I want to say Jenkins?

But the best hitter in Rockie history is, of course, the one and only Tim Hleton. Or is it Tom? Eh, it doesn't really matter. When you're sitting at that altitude, everything is a little fuzzy.

[Photo via Reader Brad]

* * * * *

Whadda ya know? It's Saturday. Time to break out all nonsense I'm too proud to post during the work week. If you got anything on your mind just let me know.

Check out this poor guy's description:

Things used to be so good in Carltown, when I lived by myself and had my jerseys hanging wall to wall. Then I got a girlfriend. We moved in together. Things were not so good in Carltown anymore. We got a new place together called Cathyville. The jerseys are not allowed on the walls anymore. The jerseys are not allowed in the closets anymore. We are no longer to speak of Carltown.

Minnesota Wild Jersey XL NEW NEVER WORN NHL [eBay]

And although we had to go to a different site, we even found something for Cubs fans. Yes, if Steve Bartman had been clutching a Holy Bear instead of trying to catch a foul popup, the curse may have been lifted two years ago.

And remember, as it was written numerous times in Second Corinthians: Returns of $250 or more are subject to a 20% restocking fee.

John Three 16 Hockey Jersey [Christian Throwback Jersey.com]
Baseball Holy Bear [Catholic Supply.com]

"What makes our jerseys unique is that the locker tag on each jersey is inscribed with the scripture Philippians 4:13, 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'"

So remember, even as Oral Roberts is getting the piss beaten out of them by Memphis in the first round, Jesus will always be a No. 1 seed.

Home of the Jesus Jersey [Heavenly Jerseys]
Get Some King Of Kings Bling [Deadspin]