Yep, Mr. "I'll Be Up In My Room Masturbating" has become an unofficial Leinart advisor. At least in a PR sense.

"As quarterbacks, we're kind of in our own little fraternity, and he was probably the greatest one to ever play," Leinart said of Montana. "So if I have questions on this or that, or plays, or how to deal with the pressure or anything - on the field or off the field - I know he definitely is there to help me out."

As the lone Buzzsaw booster, we are hopeful than Joe Montana can rub off on Matt Leinart; the man could use someone positive rubbing off on him.

Wait, perhaps that was poor phrasing.

Oh, and we can only assume part of Montana's advise is not to get married.

Leinart Has Golden Shoulder To Lean On [Arizona Republic]

What's perhaps most troubling than this whole entire suit is the fact that Montana has the penmanship of a teenage girl. It's almost surprising to not see little smiley-faces inside the dotted i's.

Joe Montana Is Looking Good, Suing [With Leather]

There's only one solid way to relax: attend the Madden Bowl party in Scottsdale, Arizona. One caveat: NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY! A clearly shaken photographer tells the story:

I took three photos of Montana for my Madden Bowl recap story. I then turned away to check my work, surprised to find the football icon missing from the last photo.

It only took a second to realize where he'd gone. Montana was behind me, bumping into me to get my attention. Startled, I turned to see a stone-faced Joe who looked at me with disdain before asking, "Do you have a fucking problem?" I politely shook my head, and said I didn't know that I wasn't allowed to take pictures of him.

But this rather quite surprising. A party with Dennis Rodman and Chris Berman in attendance, and Montana's the one who takes the anti-camera stance.

Joe Montana Gets Up In Our Grill [GameDaily]

We were the talk of the hospital," Rusty Real said. "The nurses kept asking my wife if she was really going to let her husband name him ESPN. She said, 'Oh, yes.'

Yes, the talk of the hospital now, but parents like these never seem to grasp the big picture. Like, what if 12 years down the road the kid happens to suck at sports? What trama will be induced when, while at the free throw line in the big high school game, the opposing team's fans start chanting the ESPN theme? And what if, God forbid, he actually ends up resembling Chris Berman? In fact, there's always the outside chance ... naw, forget it. Berman's never even been to Mississippi.

Actually the whole thing could have been a lot worse. His middle name could have been "Mobile."

Parents Name Baby After ESPN, Joe Montana [MSNBC]

Let's see. There was the Saturday, January 21 memorabilia signing at Caesar's Palace with Pete Rose, the place's regular occupant. And then, in a couple of weeks, you'll be able to see him with other San Francisco luminaries at the Cow Palace, signing whatever you put in front of him. (Except for NFL Super Bowl MVP items.)

We're not going to give out any information about any athlete's kids here ... but we will say that game that Montana had to rush home to catch Super Bowl weekend? It's a good thing Montana was at that one, because he definitely missed one when he was hanging out with Pete in Las Vegas.

Sign With Joe Montana And Pete Rose [Stars Live 365]
Checking In On Our Man Joe [Deadspin]

Still some questions out there, though. From a reader:

I can't get past something. I know his older son goes to a private Catholic school in California, and both girls go to Notre Dame. So it would make sense is the youngest went to a private Catholic school too. If he's in Junior High (which I think he is) then he probably attends the school right near his brother. Anyway, What Private Catholic Junior High School is going to schedule a basketball game on Super Bowl Sunday? I looked it up and the older son's school did have a game on Friday, although I couldn't find his stats.

We don't mean to go after Joe, who is still one of our favorite players, even if he hasn't always been this great family man. But something about this story still smells fishy. The San Francisco Chronicle, which originally reported the story, isn't exactly full of hacks; if they say they had a league source, they did. And Montana's urge for cash is well-documented. Anybody heard anything? We'll be the first to vindicate Montana too, if need be; we just want to make sure it's all checked out.

By the way, that's a picture of Montana with underwear on his head. It's amazing the crap you can find on the Web.

Joe Montana, Family Man [The Hater Nation]
Joe Montana Loves His Family [Deadspin]

Will: Response to your story: Joe Montana was in Detroit for Super Bowl activities on the Wednesday, Thursday and Friday prior to the game, but always had planned to return home before the weekend to be with his family. He fulfilled his promise to attend son Nathaniel s basketball game on Friday night, and son Nicholas game on Sunday, and then be home with his family to watch the Super Bowl.

The statement is meant to refute league sources that said Montana was all about the cash. So, if this is all settled, Montana is going to be up in his room masturbating. You won't disturb him.

Montana Chose To Be With Family [San Francisco Chronicle]
Joe Montana on "Saturday Night Live" [WAV Source]

(A hearty thanks to our always brilliant commenters for the Montana on SNL joke.)

As most of you have probably seen already, Montana reportedly turned down the opportunity to be with other Super Bowl MVPs last night because the league wouldn't meet his $100,000 asking price for an appearance fee. Terry Bradshaw also didn't show up, though we have a feeling that had something to do with Kathy Bates.

We're not sure what's going on with Montana, but clearly something's up. For years, we thought Montana's hesitance to join the TV gaggle of talking heads was something admirable, maybe a rare desire for a human being to spend at least a wee bit of time out of the public eye. But now we're thinking that maybe he just didn't want to get paid for actually doing work; he wanted to get paid simply to appear. And now that he's back around so much, we're wondering if anyone will pay him to disappear, again.

Montana Turns Down Star-Studded Get Together [San Francisco Chronicle]

But no. Montana was talking about actual high blood pressure, which he apparently has. More specifically, he was discussing Lotrel, a high blood pressure drug that Montana, not surprisingly, has an endorsement deal. At no point was this deal mentioned; the host (not Dana) just said, "How did you deal with the pressure of the Super Bowl?" and Montana said, essentially, "Lotrel!"

We know that the only reason anyone goes to the Super Bowl is to promote something ... but along with that ridiculous FedEx ad, is Montana, like, hurting for money right now or something?

Cold Pizza [Official Site]