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jesus rides
Posts Tagged “
Kentucky Derby
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jesus rides
booze
Introducing The Booze Sandwich
So, young Americans, what's your preferred technique for sneaking booze into sporting events? In this day of increased security, one must expand one's horizons and think, as they say, outside the cardboard parallelogram. Witness these enterprising gentlemen and their successful attempt to booze up the Kentucky Derby. More »
let the horse protests begin
It's PETA's World, We Just Live In It
When future generations study the first decade of the 21st Century, the debate of course will turn to the Great Racehorse Protests of 2008. In the wake of the Eight Belles tragedy at the Kentucky Derby, PETA is bringing all guns to bear on the remaining Triple Crown events; planning protests at the Preakness Stakes in Baltimore next week and the Belmont Stakes in New York in June. Should be lots of fun, with counter-protesting and everything. Hey, wouldn't it be hilarious if we could somehow manage to run the OIympic Torch through those two locations as well? More »
a day at the races
Culprit Found In Eight Belles Tragedy. It's Hillary, Of Course
Backing the wrong horse is always deadly in politics, especially when it's an actual horse. Poor Hillary Clinton. How can someone get into trouble just betting on the Kentucky Derby? By making a huge deal about placing a bet on a horse that had to be destroyed right on the track, that's how. Now PETA is firing broadsides at her, as she wonders how she's going to carry a state — Indiana — in which Dee Mirich resides. More »
horse feathers
It's Getting Crowded In Horse Valhalla
Eight Belles is probably in Heaven by now, galloping in fields of clover on four sturdy legs and eating tasty apples. No, I'm not sure which friends she's romping about with up there (a safe bet; one of them is not Christopher Reeve). Down here on earth, though, things are quite unsettled. Who is to blame? Could the tragedy have been avoided? Does anyone know the whereabouts of Jeff Gillooly? More »
kentucky derby
War Emblem Isn't Interested In Breeding; Not That There's Anything Wrong With That
You've probably seen this by now, but, alas, it's still great. War Emblem is tired of the dating scene. Take this farm, for instance; everyone here is such a phony. He'd rather stay in his stall and curl up with a nice Dee Mirich poem, if you want to know the truth. The race horse, who won the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness in 2002, is not exactly fulfilling his stud expectations, according to his handlers. He sired zero foals in 2007 ... the same production as Sir Ian McKellan, and one less than Tom Cruise. More »
kentucky derby
Your One-Stop Kentucky Derby Guide
The Kentucky Derby is this weekend. That's fun! Horses! We don't know a lick about it, so we asked Angelo Grasso, of The Gowanus Rotisserie Baseball Gazette, to preview the race for us. Maybe you can even make yourself some money.
Horse racing embraces two vices that Americans love and sports hate: drugs and gambling. Without them, the sport would be unrecognizable and cease to exist. (This is also true of the NFL; wisely, they're a tad more covert about it.)
More »
steve spurrier
Steve Spurrier Enjoys Oats, Hay, Mounting Mares
For years, SEC opponents have been referring to South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier as a horse's ass. Now, once and for all, he is a horse. And he might just make the Kentucky Derby. More »
david scatino
Today In Poor Gambling Decisions
Among grand, innovative ideas in the annals of gambling on horse racing, this is not one of the better ones. More »
horses that remain above ground
Live From Churchill Downs...
I was under the impression that this thing would be run at around 5 p.m. Not the case, as it turns out ... NBC's coverage starts at 5, but they don't start actually beating the horses until around 6. Somehow, I had forgotten that that a 2-minute requires 6 hours of pregame preparation. More »
horses that remain above ground
None Of These Boys Look Particularly Big Or Bossy
About 45 minutes from now, the Kentucky Derby will get underway, and Barbaro will attempt to defend his crown ... wait, what? Dammit. Oh well. More »
kentucky derby
Grow, Hooves, Grow!
As we approach the biggest horse racing event of the year, the question hangs in the air: Which horse will suffer a fatal injury on the track, inspiring new innovations in interpretive dance? We're going with "Tiago." More »
horse racing
From The Churchill Downs Infield
The outstanding gentlemen at We Are The Postmen attended the Kentucky Derby last weekend, hanging out on the infield and meeting all kinds of fascinating characters. They produced this excellent video about the experience. Our favorites are the Cardinals fan who understands the connection between his team and hard liquor, the lady with the blow-up doll on the Slip n' Slide (really) and, uh, the man lying on the ground in a moment of, oh, we'll call it weakness. More »
kentucky derby
The Kentucky Derby LIVEBLOG!
Since it only takes two minutes, and because it's so goddamn exciting, I decided to liveblog the Kentucky Derby. Let's get to it. More »
horse racing
Horseys Set To Run Fast
Today, my friends, is Kentucky Derby Day. Please bear with me as I attempt to hide my contempt for horse racing. More »
horse racing
