Reports are swirling about a feud between Larry Fitzgerald and Kurt Warner after a series of impolitic, armchair-quarterbacking Tweets by Larry's brother, Marcus, who evidently felt Larry wasn't getting the damn ball enough. They've since been taken down but can be found on Tweleted.

The main problem with Kurt Warner's record-setting day, in Marcus' analysis, was that Warner spread the ball around too much:

Marcus maintains that he "was kidding" — but his play calling brilliance is no laughing matter. I predict somebody hires him by week 6.

Marcus Tries To Clean Up His Mess [PFT]

That was, of course, the year the Rams won the Super Bowl with some other guy, and eventually the Pete Best of football went elsewhere. After a whirlwind of teams and head traumata, Green found himself back in St. Louis, playing just a little quarterback for the Rams in 2008 while Marc Bulger regained his ability to not be frightened at the thought of a defensive blitz. Once someone in the Rams front office noticed he was still on the roster, they released him in February, and he made the announcement last night that he's done. What, no one-year Raiders contract?

That has to be quite a cathartic career. He accomplished quite a lot for a football player, and yet he's always going to be known for that torn ACL in 1999, ensuring Kurt Warner would never have to bag another grocery ever ... unless he shopped at Aldi. Green may have thrown for tons of yards and even made the Pro Bowl, but how many MVPs and Super Bowl starts has he had compared to Kurt Warner? Moreover, how fair is it to weigh Warner's career against Green's? Of course it's unfair, and yet I just made that comparison. Think about that.

Green says he wants to pursue a career in broadcasting, something every concussed quarterback wants to do, because they know nothing else than to be the center of football attention by any means necessary. He'll do a satisfactory job, as he always does, until such a day in which Green contracts bronchitis, can't talk, and needs Kurt Warner to perform emergency football analysis.

Former Chiefs QB Green Retires [Kansas City Star]

The Cardinals agreed to Warner's counter-offer of $23 million over two years, with $10 million guaranteed. Warner's agent, Mark Bartelstein, had sought a deal that would rank him with the top five paid quarterbacks in the league at two years, $29 million.

Arizona had offered $20 million over two years, and seemed set on that until Warner visited with the 49ers on Monday. That little junket seemed to break loose the negotiation ice. Indeed, Bartelstein indicated that the 49ers were seroius; willing to pay his client more than $23 million.

Bartelstein said Warner's counteroffer is "clearly below what his market value is out there and the Cardinals know that." He said the offer to Arizona was much less than what Warner could have gotten from San Francisco. "If we were to do a deal with the 49ers it would be substantially more," Bartelstein said.

One sticking point with a move to the 49ers may have been that Warner would not be allowed to throw the football under any circumstances, even to the ball boy. San Francisco fired Mike Martz and will rotate seven fullbacks in a proposed run-oriented attack that would make the 1959 Green Bay Packers look like the were using the A-11.

So, Matt Leinart, anyone? The 49ers want to talk to him, and have sent a late-model panel van driven by a prisoner on work furlough to bring him in for a Friday meeting (traffic permitting).

UPDATE: Egerrin James enthusiastically welcomes Warner's signing.

Report: Cardinals, Warner Agree On Two-Year Deal [NBCSports]
Warner, Cardinals Agree [ESPN]

Why the 49ers would want to pay multiple millions for someone to hand off to Frank Gore is beyond me, but they flew Warner in on a private jet on Monday, drove him around in a stretch Range Rover limo, and generally engaged in other ass-kissing activities (weather permitting). This had the desired effect on the Cardinals.

In response, the Cardinals have raised their two-year contract offer from $20 million to $23 million, the NFL Network reported on Monday. Warner led the Cardinals to the Super Bowl last season, but became a free agent when he didn't re-sign with the club. Warner is apparently seeking a deal worth at least $14 million per season.

That's a good start, now let the haggling begin. Warner wants $29 million, and none of this deferred payment silliness that Manny Ramirez is having to deal with in Los Angeles.

Meanwhile, 49ers quarterback Shaun Hill, who went 5-2 as a starter at the end of last season to help head coach Mike Singletary lose the interim designation, drove himself to Taco Bell in a 2003 Hyundai Sonata.

Warner Arrives For Visit With 49ers [San Francisco Chronicle]
Nervous Cardinals Raise Offer To Warner [NBCSports]

I mean, just look at the photo. Does this look like a man who would toy with my team's emotions just to gain a couple of extra bargaining chips? His agent, Mark Bartelstein, would like to point out that there is an invisible halo hovering above Warner at all times.

"People assume things are being done to create leverage and that's not true," Bartelstein said. "Anyone who knows Kurt Warner knows that's not the moral plane he operates under. He would never do something to create leverage."

However, "some feelings have been hurt," according to Bartelstein, who said that Warner was disappointed that he has to go through free agency. He's seeking a two-year contract for $29 million, and the Cardinals offered $20 million over the two years. WWJD?

The 49ers are taking this seriously, even if Warner may not be. The team flew him to San Jose on a private jet, where he and wife Brenda then transferred to a black limo for the ride to the Santa Clara practice facility.

My vote? Negotiating ploy. Why would Warner go to the 49ers, who got rid of Mike Martz so that they could give more emphasis to the running game? Sorry Will.

Let's Not Get Too Excited About Warner [San Francisco Chronicle]
Warner Comes Calling [San Francisco Chronicle]
Warner Watch Begins [Sacramento Bee]

Not saying that the last play by Warner was or wasn't an incomplete pass, but did officials actually look at the replay? Couldn't God have thrown a red flag from the heavens? [YouTube]

For the second time this week, we have gotten the email chain about "Kurtis The Stock Boy and Brenda The Checkout Girl." It's the kind of thing you might read in a "Chicken Soup For The Arena Football Player's Soul" and it's popping up in inboxes and message boards all over the Western world this week. Here's some exceptts::

In a supermarket, Kurtis the stock boy, was busily working when a new voice came over the loud speaker asking for a carry out at register 4. Kurtis was almost finished, and wanted to get some fresh air, and decided to answer the call. As he approached the check-out stand a distant smile caught his eye, the new check-out girl was beautiful. She was an older woman (maybe 26, and he was only 22) and he fell in love.

Let's skip ahead to "KURTIS" and "BRENDA"'s first date, where she explains that she can't go, because she has two kids and the baby sitter canceled.

To which Kurtis simply said, "Well, let's take the kids with us." She tried to explain that taking the children was not an option, but again not taking no for an answer, he pressed. Finally Brenda, brought him inside to meet her children. She had an older daughter Jessie, who was just as cute as a bug, Kurtis thought, then Brenda brought out her son, Zachary in a wheelchair. He was born a paraplegic with Down Syndrome.

Kurtis asked Brenda, "I still don't understand why the kids can't come with us?" Brenda was amazed. Most men would run away from a woman with two kids, especially if one had disabilities - just like her first husband and father of her children had done. Kurtis was not ordinary - - - he had a different mindset.

Are you crying yet? It goes on like this....

When her son needed anything Kurtis would take care of him. When he needed to use the restroom, he picked him up out of his wheelchair, took him and brought him back. The kids loved Kurtis. At the end of the evening, Brenda knew this was the man she was going to marry and spend the rest of her life with.

Those two crazy kids got married and had five more babies of their own. Have you figured out ... the rest of ... the story?

So what happened to Kurtis the stock boy and Brenda the check-out girl? Well, Mr. & Mrs. Kurt Warner now live in Arizona , where he is currently employed as the quarterback of the National Football League Arizona Cardinals and has his Cardinals in the hunt for a possible appearance in the Super Bowl. Is this a surprise ending or could you have guessed that he was not an ordinary person.

OMG I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING! WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE THIS STORY ANY BETTER?

Both Brenda and Kurt are active born-again Christians.

Yes, this email is not without a purpose, but surely it made the rounds before, when Kurt was leading the Rams to two Super Bowls. There's long been talk that his inspiring story will become a movie someday, but the real tragedy is that this cheesy email actually shortchanges the Warners, because almost all the details are incorrect and not as interesting as real life.

This internet legend has already been chronicled by Snopes.com, which breaks down the inaccuracies and points out how the true story is even more sad and inspiring. Brenda was never a checkout girl. She met Kurt when he was still in college and before his career took its unfortunate turn for the worse. (She actually stuck with him, despite his many football failures.) They were together five years before they got married, not one. Her son, Zachary, is actually her oldest child and he doesn't have Down's Syndrome. His birth father dropped him on his head when he was an infant, leading to brain damage and blindness. (The trauma of that incident let to the father leaving Brenda, while she was pregnant with her second child.) Also, left out: the tornado that killed Brenda's parents in 1996; the spider bite that cost Kurt a tryout with the Bears; and Brenda's first career as a freakin' Marine. This family craps perseverance.

So, yeah ... their story is pretty awesome—which is why I just assumed that everyone had already heard it before. But I guess maybe your great aunt just got her first MacBook so you should probably send it along just to be safe.

IF YOU, AS I DO, THINK THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL STORY, PASS IT ON.

Kurt Reply [Snopes]

The Steezer:

I have an extra special take on this topic. I am the daughter of a Methodist minister. Her father? A Presbyterian minister (and yes, I said “her.” My mom’s a minister. Isn’t that “neat.”). I spent 18 years of my life going to Sunday School and church every week. Preacher’s kids generally either follow their parent’s footsteps or take a big dump on them. I landed somewhere in the middle … I lead a pretty noble life minus the binge drinking, cursing, and questionable decision-making in my love life.

I have heard both my mom and grandfather talk on numerous occasions about how “wonderful” it is when athletes gesture towards Jesus or talk about Jesus or get wicked tats depicting Jesus. I roll my eyes. When I see or hear it, it looks like part of the show. It’s going through the motions. Did they point toward the sky as they left the strip club and say “Thank you God for putting Fancy in my lap!” Probably not. But if you score a touchdown and somehow insinuate it was only because of your hard work and practice that makes you some kind of a villain.

Don’t get me wrong though. I believe in God. I believe in living a good life. But I also believe that ultimately all of us are subject to a greater balance; for every good thing that happens in someone’s life, they pay the price in another way. Examples:

Tim Tebow:
Good: Superman-esque quarterback
Bad: Thinks jorts are cool

Kurt Warner:
Good: Super Bowl bound
Bad: Weird looking wife

Deion Sanders:
Good: Could play both ways
Bad: Terrible reality sitcom on Oxygen

Tony Dungy:
Good: Record-setting coach
Bad: Had to look at Peyton Manning’s smashed-in face every day

Vince Young:
Good: Best. College. Quarterback. Ever.
Bad: Nothing … okay, may be a tad crazy

So that’s my philosophy on religion. To answer the other part of the question, do I think God is a sports fan, I think he probably is. I think he keeps f-ing up the BCS system every year so we’ll wise up and get rid of it. I think he keeps the Cubs from winning the World Series because it’s already too cold in October in Chicago for him to brave the trip. I think he keeps Boston sports teams near the top of the charts because he fears the brutality of Southies. And I think he keeps Charlie Weis fat because it makes him funny for all of us to look at.

— The Steezer is a Texas Longhorn fan living in Washington D.C. who hopes Sam Bradford’s crabs start healing soon.

—-—-—-

Jess Mac:

Dear God, it's me, Jess.

First off, I'm sorry I spent four years at a Catholic college drinking whiskey and eating calzones rather than going to church, class, or, you know, HELPING people. I'm sorry that at Friars basketball games my friends and I would chant "Je-sus! Je-sus!" during a Providence run. I'm sorry that we made fun of the Friar mascot for looking vaguely, and irrelevantly, like a frightened Asian boy. Additionally, I'm sorry the college decided that positioning a twenty-foot-tall inflatable Friar behind the basket at home games was a good idea. I think they can redeem themselves if they turn it into a Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man Friar when opponents are at the line.

I'm sorry Tim Tebow won't stop calling you, that must be really annoying when you're trying to play Rock Band or smite people. I'm sorry that after having virtuosos like Da Vinci and Michelangelo render your likeness in resplendent masterpieces, Kurt Warner decided to break out his 96 pack of Crayolas with the built-in sharpener and draw you as Buddy Christ. Speaking of which, I'm sorry that Kevin Smith cast as a lady that dated Uncle Joey as you in "Dogma."

I know you don't really care who wins in a given game, as long as everybody ends up ok. Well, except for Tom Brady apparently. You were probably just cutting the Patriots down to size after the hubris-filled 07-08 season since pride IS one of the seven deadly sins. Morgan Freeman told me so. But still, I'm sorry you thought it was a good idea to let a 9-7 team get to the Super Bowl. You're not going to hear the end of it from Cardinals fans praying for a win, or more realistically, praying not to get killed, but you brought that on yourself.

But what I'm really sorry about, God, is that Visanthe Shiancoe didn't think to put a Bible verse on his dong before he decided to reveal it to the world. Think of the publicity!!

— Jess Mac is currently in Boston, waiting for a large, gruesome lightning bolt to smite her for this.

—-—-—-

J-Money:

By all accounts, Kurt Warner is a good guy. A great one, even, which seems to jive with the fact that his career has been doublestuffed with the kind of improbable Good Fortune rarely seen outside of Kevin Costner flicks. He's been swaddled in three different jerseys during his G-rated success story but the one constant has been his supersized devotion to Tha' Lord. During the season, he's quick to credit Mister Jesus with every touchdown, the numbers in the win column, and for guiding his wife toward a hairstyle that wasn't borrowed from Ivan Drago. In the offseason, he hands a chunk of his paycheck to the church, builds playground equipment out of his own bones, and carves prosthetic limbs for armless orphans so they can clap their hands when they sing hymns.

A few years ago, I stalked K-Dub to Ricky Proehl's charity golf tournament. It was the summer after the Rams Super Bowl victory had been etched on the Lombardi trophy and everyone in the free world was familiar with Kurt's improbable trip from "Paper or Plastic?" to the Pro Bowl. I stopped him in front of the clubhouse, we chatted for a few minutes and he signed my jersey, neatly writing "Matthew 6:33" beneath his signature, a verse that means "You'll feel guilty wearing this when you're calling the 49ers fan behind you a cockdragon."

But all of that — the scripture quoting, God daps, and inability to get dressed without the help of a pair of animated bluebirds — is part of his personality. His postgame interviews may border on tent revivals but it's genuine, not just spiritual showboating, and that makes it a bit more tolerable. A TINY bit.

Next Sunday, he won't be the only one jabbing a finger toward the heavens after a successful slant route. It's a fact that as the games get bigger, so do the onfield gestures. Nobody raises their hands to the sky in August 'cause not even God gives a shit about the preseason; that's when He vacations with Mary J. Blige. Regardless of who gets a confetti shower and an embroidered shirt after the Super Bowl, Kurt is still going to be thanking the Lord for lead blocking. And for liking him more than Jon Kitna.

— J-Money writes much longer at The Typing Makes Me Sound Busy and much shorter at twitter.com/gordonshumway.

—-—-—-

Cameron Frye:

Jesus, or the notorious G.O.D., could probably care less about Kurt Warner. Kurt, you're not in the Super Bowl because of Jesus — you're there because the West sucks and they needed a team to represent your division. If a group of retarded helmet kids had a better record than the Cardinals, they'd be there. But you do have Matt Leinert there — so you're not that far off. Jesus had as much to with your success as he did when Mystikal wrote 'Shake Ya Ass'. Actually, that's not true. We all know J.C. was a big ass man.

Growing up Catholic, I've had my suspicions on whether or not there was a God. I mean, if there was a God, Tom Brady would have played the entire season (and be going to the Super Bowl) instead of gallivanting around with Giselle and a bum knee and talking to Canadian radio shows about his homemade aspercream. If there was a God I wouldn't have gone to my prom stag and woke up naked & hung over from a night of binge drinking Parrot Bay in some seedy motel room next to someone else's date. And most importantly, do you honestly think Jesus would let a team with a 9-7 record participate in the Super Bowl? If you want me to be convinced there is a higher power, let Leinert play next Sunday; then I'll believe there's a God and know he has a sense of humor too.

— Since Cameron Frye's firing for talking about cocks and roman war helmets on Deadspin, she's since become born again and can be found preaching the gospel of David Krejci on cameronfrye.com

—-—-—-

Denise Karl:

Church and State, God and Country, Piety and Pigskin? Why not? The Lord’s Prayer was read on the White House steps during the inauguration of our new President. Statesman invoked blessings from the heavens for our country and president. And if anyone can use a few blessings, it’s Barack Obama.

Think of it this way, wasn’t our little country founded by a bunch of scared, hungry immigrants who fled their own lands because of religious oppression? Doesn’t every one of our nation’s most sacred documents and most famous speeches contain some sort of spiritual recognition of bequest? So why wouldn’t we see it in the greatest American past time; sports. We’re religious peoples. Okay, a MANY religion religious peoples. I don’t necessarily mind seeing a player spike a touch down and drop to his knees and throw his hands to the heavens as long as it only lasts a brief moment.

But seriously, wouldn’t it be freakin’ amazing if there was a little equality? We have equality in everything else, why not religion too? How about someone doing a post-game presser and thanking Satan for an amazing tackle that splays a player out unconscious? Wouldn’t that be awesome? “Thank you oh Dark Lord for laying waste of my opponent.”

Or how about thanking Mercury for the speed to run a race past 3,000 non-believing runners. “I’d like to thank Thor for the power of the Gods that I might press that 800 lbs and not crush my spinal column.” What happened to those religions? They were fun. No, we’re down to just a few popular deities.

Put your hand in your pocket and pull out a dollar. Does it not say “In God We Trust?” Maybe it should say “In God We Believe”? We’re told to be thankful for the little things that come our way each day. Sometimes those little things are the things we have worked our lives to achieve: a home run, a touch down, a game winning goal. When we have faith in something other than ourselves, we remember to thank something higher.

It’s not a bad thing.

— Dee Karl 7th Woman NYI Blog Box Crew http://7thwoman.blogspot.com/

• Super Bowl Prop Bets: An Analysis. Over-under on length of time it will take Jennifer Hudson to sing the National Anthem: 1 minute, 57 seconds. [Stock Lemon]

• Citizen Soldier Indeed. NFL will not allow the military color guard to stay and watch the Super Bowl. This news is going over well as you might imagine. [The Thunder Run]

• Steelers Fans Getting Cocky? What? One blogger lists 10 reasons the Steelers cannot lose the Super Bowl. What a rebel. [Five Tool Tool]

• Super Bowl XLIII As Predicted By Madden 09. The surprise isn't that the Steelers win or that Roethlisberger throws three TD passes, but rather that the Cardinals cover. [First Cuts]

• Coo-Coo For Kurt: Confessions Of A Bandwagon Cardinals Fan. "Am I a long-suffering 'Zona fan? No. don't have a Neil Lomax throwback or a homemade tattoo of their less-pissed looking logo. My loyalties toward the Perching Birds of Arizona didn't begin until My Beloved Kurt Warner™ started taking the snaps every Sunday." [The Typing Makes Me Sound Busy]

• Fun Steelers-Cardinals Facts. Yes, one day long ago, the Cardinals and Steelers played as the same team. [Steelers Today]

• Steelers Fan Mocks Cardinals Fan. We Never Could Have Seen This Coming. "The Cards have been around for 60+ years and have tortured three different cities with their sad and pitiful ways. The most recent victim has been Arizona, where the Cards have finished in the bottom third of the league on a regular basis since moving there in 1988. They’ve done nothing but maintain a position as the doormats of the league until this year. And now their fans don’t how to react." [Nice Pick, Cowher]

• Mmm, Mmm It's Norwoodlicious. Bills lose Super Bowl yet again, courtesy of Campbell Soup. [Chunky.com]

When Warner came out of nowhere to lead the St. Louis Rams to the Super Bowl in 1999, Brenda was his partner in crime. Partly because of her backstory—Brenda was a divorced former Marine with two kids, when she met Kurt, who was working as a grocery store stock boy—and partly because when the team later struggled, she had a habit of calling radio stations to complain about the media and the Rams coaches. (Although that did earn her a radio show at one point.) Her short and spiky gray hair and loud, frequent clapping made her seem almost like Warner's mom than his wife, and it made both of them the butt of many jokes.

However, now that Kurt's career has been resurrected yet again, Brenda has been nearly absent from the spotlight. The family isolation cameras that longingly gaze at loved ones in the stands have all but ignored her on this Arizona playoff run and she has studiously avoided nearly all press. The family has never been closer—they have seven kids now—but perhaps a better understanding of PR and image management led to a conscious effort to keep her out of the news and off the back of his detractors.

Most shocking of all, however, was the makeover she underwent at some point in the last few years. Her image was as ubiquitous as Kurt's was during the St. Louis glory days, but recent pictures of her are very hard to come by—which is a shame because ... she's kind of a babe. Let's just the say the crew cut was not her most flattering look. If she wanted to escape the competition for "most annoying sports spouse," that's one way to do it.

Oh, I'm sure a soft-lit profile will show up somewhere in the Super Bowl pregame show, but the stereotypical image of the angry, manipulative wife is long gone. I sure do miss that tough old broad.

Warner’s Family Accepts Bounty and Burden of Football [NY Times]
Warner Get Emotional With Wife Following Game [Real GM]
When Did Brenda Warner Stop Looking Like Ivan Drago And Start Getting Hot? [Busted Coverage]

As you can see, God apparently resembles a homeless backpacker. I saw this guy hitchhiking last weekend; I gave him a ride to Modesto and he cured my pink eye.

Warner: "So, I was drawing a picture of God, but it came out more like Jesus. So why don't we stick with that being Jesus." Kurt, you are an artist with the football; with the pencil, not so much.

Kurt Warner Draws God, And It's Not A Pretty Picture [StLog]
That's Good, But I Asked You To Draw Godzilla [KSK]

Actually, that video is from a few years ago, but that doesn't make it any less entertaining. We like his little friends; maybe one of them can play wide receiver this weekend.

Kurt Warner Loves Christian Cartoons [Jen's Free Throws]

• Adam Vinatieri. This is due, in part, to Vinatieri being from freaking South Dakota.
• Kurt Warner. Before he became unable to walk down the street without falling over, Kurt Warner was once quite a good quarterback.
• Warren Moon. Also, one of the most accomplished wife beaters never to be drafted, along with Ike Turner.
• Dick "Night Train" Lane. This is Mark Madsen's nickname too, by the way.

So, you know, there's hope for you yet, Lucious!

Top 10 Undrafted Players In NFL History [Hall Of Fame Magazine]

So since we've been in the Midwest this week, we've appreciated the primal pleasure of a good political attack ad. Most of the races in New York aren't close, so everyone's all nicey-nice in their ads. Not so in Missouri, where there's not only a brutal Senate battle between Jim Talent and Claire McCaskill, but also an Amendment about stem cell research on the ballot. We're not going to get into details, because politics gives us a headache, but the point is, Michael J. Fox, rather deep into his Parkinson's now, filmed an ad for McCaskill that has proven damaging, so Talent has enlisted, in response to Fox's ad ... some athletes to have his back.

We love when athletes get involved in politics, because it never seems like they quite understand what's going on, but this ad has the virtue of timing on its side: Its main speakers are Jesus Christ (well, Jim Caviezel, anyway) and Game 4 World Series starter Jeff Suppan. Of course, Mike Sweeney and Kurt Warner are in there too, and that can't help the cause much.

Anyway, see if you guess which are the athletes, and which are the actors.

This news segues nicely with the apparent decision to start Matt Leinart next week — which hasn't been confirmed by Dennis Green — after Kurt Warner's impersonation of a baking sheet last week. The real question for Leinart now is: Does the University of Phoenix offer courses in ballroom dancing?

Report: Leinart Will Get Start [East Valley Tribune]
Cards Sell Naming Rights To New Stadium [Arizona Republic]

(UPDATE: Well, looks like Butterbrain is back now.)

We do not want to overstate this, but this is the move that guarantees a Super Bowl for the Buzzsaw — and we mean next year.*

And look: Other Buzzsaw bloggers agree. Eleven-win season? Please. We're going 16-0!

Kurt Warner Signed [Arizona Cardinals]

* Your esteemed author has been predicting his beloved Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals to reach the Super Bowl every season since he was five. Part of his contract with Gawker Media calls for one "Buzzsaw Heading To The Super Bowl!" post a month. And this is it.