Much like his reliever brethren Todd Jones, former Yankee Kyle Farnsworth took the news that he was traded to Detroit for Pudge Rodriguez yesterday with the stoicism of a Navy Seal. He realizes the business of professional baseball doesn't allow for emotional attachments and that success in this game requires one to compartmentalize overwhelming feelings of loss and present yourself in a public setting (especially with reporter's ramming tape recorders in your grill and the camera lights blinding you) with dignity and honor. Or not.

As difficult as Farnsworth's 2 1/2 seasons in New York have been, the 32-year-old reliever emerged from the meeting with his eyes glassy and his lower lip trembling. He briefly broke down in tears while discussing the trade with reporters, saying, "I had a good time here, so it's tough."

Hugs, Kyle. Your camo underwear and gun collection will be missed in the Bronx. The Yankees shed themselves of their inconsistent reliever in favor of yet another former MVP in Rodriguez, who will be a major upgrade at the position in both leadership and performance. Also? Pudge is not much of a weeper.

Trade deadline today, kids. So we'll probably see more of these outbursts throughout the day.

(Editor's note: Apologies to those who've read this twice. Me dummy. Thank you for your patience.)

Yanks bid fond farewell to Farnsworth [MLB.com]

Alas Poor Farnsworth! [Bronx Banter]

Kyle Farnsworth, pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth himself, is profiled in the New York Daily News as ... as a master baker.

"We have a bake-off every year and the kids are the judges," says Shayla Pert, his fiancée. "He always wins; I think he pays them. He's a great baker. He's Betty Crocker. He makes the best peanut butter cookies ever."

Yep. Kyle Farnsworth, quiet, reserved, refined family man. Totally. We absolutely believe that.

OK, Dugout crew: Your turn. We're all waiting.

Grand Theft Farnsworth [The Dugout]
Kyle Farnsworth's Softer Side [New York Daily News]

When you combine this with Peter Gammons' recent report than baseball players are buying the iPhone like crazy, well, you've got an instant classic Dugout. The premise: Baseball players were having enough trouble typing as was.

Gammondorf: Yoi can type pretry well if you spend enougj timw typing yourt message. That last sentence toik me 25 mimutes.

pr0ff3ss0r_f4rnsw0rth: Htf is franswirth mclane supoosed to talk loke a jaded basass if it uppertcases all my thoights and wishers.

It makes sense, though, that the iPhone would be the way Manny Ramirez would truly be able to communicate his deeper nature.

The Star-Studded iPhone Spectacular [The Dugout]

(Photo via Seeking Alpha.)

Reliever Scott Proctor, one of the main offenders, has the exact same idea. He burned all his equipment — save his uniform — after the Yankees' loss on Saturday.

"I did it before in Triple-A when things were going bad, just to change it up," Proctor said after the impromptu barbecue. "Nothing to it. I feel great right now. If I throw up about eight zeroes in a row right now, it'll make me feel even better."

It didn't help yesterday, and we can't say we like the odds down the line either. The good news, though? Kyle Farnsworth always likes it when something's on fire, along with shiny objects and things that jiggle.

Scott Proctor Is On Fire, But Not In A Good Way [Just Call Me Juice]

In this week's key playoff players drawings, we get the aforementioned Walker, Randy Johnson shooting laser beams out of his eye and Kyle Farnsworth beating a poor Astros senseless. As always, a lunacy-filled good time.

Key Players [Naver]
Cartoonist Delivers Big Hit With Baseball Series [Korea Times]

This flame-thrower not only has a temper... he also has a serious weakness for the ladies and booze. Word is that he's gotten a few of his "lady friends" pregnant and practically lives at the bars. We here at On The DL fear all his drinking has killed most of his brain cells. When two fans sent him a letter asking for autographs, this player responded back — complete with misspelled words and first grader-esque grammar. Instead of partying and trying to score chicks, perhaps Mr. Wildthing should go back to school and sober up.

The answer? On the DL says it's Braves closer Kyle Farnsworth, which would explain why the guy has a tendency to throw 100 mph fastballs in very different places than they were initially intended. Well, at least he's not Bobby Cox and punching his wife.

I'm Ok, I sWaRe... [On The DL]
Athletes Unmasked: Todd Walker [Deadspin]

(Tomorrow: Our biggest name yet, revealed.)