Actually, there were a few good costumes submitted in this batch and some of you definitely get an A for effort. Some others get a G for "Geez, you're not even trying!" We also have a few costumes from actual professional athletes just to prove that famous people can be just as uncreative and boring as the rest of us.

But hey, we can't all be born with a Hollywood makeup crew at our disposal or the body of a video game character now, can we?

After explicitly ignoring our warning, this fellow decided to go ahead and "salute" the scandal of the year. I'm not sure how wise that was, but one thing is certain...
... anytime you have to put the name of your costume on the front so that people know what the heck it is, you know you've really picked a winner.
Also, it attracts the drunk football gals. [Spotted in Madison, WI. Photos by Andrew B.]
Fortunately, after walking around St. Louis in his Matt Holliday costume for five minutes, Scott S. had enough people throwing baseballs at his crotch that he no longer needed the duct tape.
Who does reader Jonathan G. think he is?
Young Will Gerard of Champaign, Illinois, went as Junior Bruce Weber. Sadly, he died of a brain aneurysm after arguing with a 9-year-old referee over a mini-Snickers.
A different Will G. sent us another Kenny P. Well, he does have a way with the ladies.
I'm not even sure Jason D. meant to submit this as a costume ... unless it's "Kid Who Lives His Whole Life Without Ever Rooting For A Winning Baseball Team." Frightening, indeed.
Adam says his "friend brie is a dead nba ref that's what she gets for fixing game." If you say so. A kneecapping would have sufficed.
Janna S. turned herself into a USC Song Girl then turned that into a zombie. That's the sickest costume I've seen yet. For shame!
Lilia B. also went with the zombie cheerleader theme. She claims she's a Texas fan going as a bloody Okie State backer. That's great, but maybe she should use a napkin when eating french fries.
Andy F. is disqualified for submitting a picture from two years ago and labeling it "me as third-string Neckbeard Orton, with Pat Foley." Oh, Andy. Matt Foley was the motivational speaker played by Chris Farley, who also played Todd O'Connor on "Bill Swerski's Superfans." That looks more like Pat Arnold (played by Mike Myers) ... unless that's actual Blackhawks play-by-play announcer Pat Foley under that get up. In that case, bravo.
"A friend of friend" of Jamie B. dressed as Theo Fleury. Gee, and I wonder why childhood sexual abuse isn't a more popular costume?
Alex Q. is the reason we now have instant replay during apple bobbing contests.
That's supposed to be the real Antoine Walker in Miami Beach dressed as "a guy who can't afford a Halloween costume because he gambled away $50 million." Pretty convincing actually. [Photo sent by Javier F.]
What are these Utah Jazz players supposed to be? Oh, I get it! The Clippers! Very scary. [More photos @ SLC Dunk]
Chicago Blackhawks Jonathan Toews and Adam Burish started the weekend as Dumb and Dumber.... [Not Qualified To Comment]
... then their costumes got really stupid. Actually, that's Burish on the left and Patrick Kane as Scottie Pippen. (No, it's not technically blackface, but if you can't see why white people painting their skin black as part of a joke is problematic, then I can't help you.) [Chicago Now]
Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian ran into their doppelgangers—a slutty cat suit girl and a rejected Muppet. [Friends of the Program; Don't ask me why the faces are painted.]
Yep. Pretty sure that's NOT a costume. [Photo sent by Erinn C. Seen in Ybor City, Tampa]
Finally, the winner of our Sports-O-Ween "contest" is our own FatNakedMoleRat. Anybody who not only recognizes their resemblance to King Hippo, but embraces it, deserves a medal in our book. Bravo, sir.

He was remarkably ineffective all day on Sunday, despite getting to throw into the Bengals secondary. He basically got away with not one, but two interceptions on his team's final drive. His last pass of the day was a terrible wounded duck that no NFL quarterback should ever be proud of. Yet, somehow it turned into a 87-yard touchdown, the longest last-minute, game-winning touchdown in NFL history. He even created a Gus Johnson sighting! And Kyle Orton, boo-booed finger and all, is 1-0.

You know who isn't 1-0? Gentleman Jay Cutler, the fella whose temper tantrum sent Orton to Denver in the first place. Jay did not get away with an interception on his attempt at a game-winning drive. There were also three other occasions where he did not get away with it either. That's his career high for interceptions and a loss against a division rival. And more crying.

So Denver, which looked like a season-long soap opera in the making, is sitting pretty this Monday morning while the Bears may be wondering what they have gotten themselves into. And the forgotten, unwanted Kyle Orton—by not tripping over his own feet and ruining everything—is the one who got them there. (Yes, it was pure dumb luck, but that's the best kind of luck.) When even NPR (i.e. Socialist HQ) is talking about you, know you had a good day.

Bizarre Ending in Cincinnati Sees Broncos Top Bengals 12-7 [NFL Gridiron Gab]
It's Always Sunny in Denver… [Bronco Talk]
Kyle Orton Mistake Gives Broncos The Win [Predominantly Orange]
Wacky TD gives Broncos 12-7 win over Bengals [NPR]
Brandon Stokley nearly kills Gus Johnson [Outside The Boxscore]
Jay Cutler's hot head, cold hand hurt Bears [Chicago Tribune]

* * * * *

Here are some other big winners, who did not win quite as big:

Drew Brees: Six touchdown passes! Against Lions? Oh, that's good too I guess. [Who Dat Dish]

Kim Clijsters: Lost in all the ball-in-throat-stuffing death threats? Kim Clijsters kind of kicked Serena Williams' ass. Then she won the whole shebang-a-bang at the U.S. Open. Good job, Mom. [NY Daily News]

Dan LeFevour: Central Michigan's four-year starting QB broke Byron Leftwich's MAC career yardage mark, then nailed down a signature win that will get him free drinks in the Lower Peninsula for the rest of his life. Boy, I sure feel bad for the chumps who blew that game! [Some MAChole]

Tony Romo: No Jessica, No T.O. Life is significantly sunnier in Dallas. [AP]

Rich Rodriguez: NCAA investigation or no, as long as Charlie Weis has a job, Rich Rodriguez is going to be okay. [Detroit News]

The Broncos won their final preseason game—a pivotal matchup against the Cardinals that signifies absolutely nothing— despite not having the services of Cowboy Kyle Orton who injured his dialing finger in the last game. He was reduced to being just an observer. An interested observer. A very interested observer. Or maybe just a confused one?

Ironically, that's the face most Bronco fans make everytime Kyle Orton drops back to pass. "Yeeesh!"

Broncos' backups salvage finale [Denver Post]

* * * * *

It's Friday. Grab your headbands and neckerchiefs so we can get this over with.

Shanahan still had two years left on his contract with Denver when the team fired him in January, giving him plenty of time to golf with Steve Spurrier. Woody Paige reports—seriously, he actually reported it!—that Shanahan has a clause in that contract saying that he will continue to earn his $7 million salary, provided he doesn't find another coaching job or say anything in public that might disparage the Broncos. Geez, I would have spent a whole year not talking about the Broncos for half that!

Admittedly, it's very difficult to watch Kyle Orton quarterback any team without hurling a string of expletives at anyone within ear shot, but for that much cash I'm sure he'll manage. As long as Woody doesn't rat him out first.

He told a friend privately that the Broncos have added some talent, and he expects them to be better this year. He told another friend privately that the Broncos made a mistake by trading Cutler for Kyle Orton.

Shut up, old man! We're talking $7,000,000 here—don't you dare blow this!

Paige: Shanny enjoying time from the grind [Denver Post]
If Mike Shanahan stays quiet, he'll get $7 million this season [Shutdown Corner]

According to the Sun-Times:

The Bears acquired quarterback Jay Cutler today for No. 1 draft picks in 2009 and 2010, a No. 3 pick this year and Kyle Orton, the Sun-Times has learned.

The Bears receive the Broncos' fifth-round draft pick this year.

Wow. Anyway, obviously, this also marks the end of the brilliant (for us) Kyle Orton era in Chicago. But lucky for him the winters are quite nasty in Denver as well, so the Neckbeard could possibly return.

Bears get their quarterback in trade with Denver [Chicago Sun-Times]

"I'm still the same guy," Orton said. "I'm still a fun guy and like to hang with my teammates. It's not like I'm trying to live in a hole or anything. But [I] certainly have to be careful and not put myself or my family in jeopardy."

Besides football and his family, Orton has another reason to play it a little safer in his latest stint as starting quarterback — his burgeoning left-leaning political aspirations.

Still, Orton enjoyed watching last week's Democratic National Convention, even though he missed Barack Obama accepting his party's presidential nomination because of the Bears' exhibition finale in Cleveland. And occasionally, Orton's social conscience screams too loudly for him to ignore it.

Orton emceed an Earth Day event at Lincoln Park Zoo that combined two of his passions: rock 'n' roll and global awareness. A few weeks earlier, Orton also served as a celebrity spokesman for a statewide initiative asking residents to turn off lights for one hour to raise awareness about climate change.

Given the candidates we have running for political office this year, is it that far-fetched to imagine a country one day led by the likes of Kyle Orton?

Kyle Orton Is A New Man [Chicago Tribune]

Perhaps it's both fitting and fateful that this announcement comes while Deadspin is in the middle of Hall of Fame nominations. Orton was an inaugural member of the esteemed Hall of Fame class of 2006. God is with him.

Monday is dead and gone. More nominees tomorrow plus two more NFL season previews, college previews, and assorted cultural ephemera from this thing they call "sports."

A.C. was good. Thank you for asking.

And, of course, thank you for your continued support of Deadspin.

Quarterback derby is over for now as Orton edges Rex for starting spot [Chicago Sun-Times]

Also, Rex Grossman has won the starting quarterback job — for the first day of practice. There was a coin toss at a Wednesday morning quarterback meeting. Kyle Orton called it, but Grossman won it and will run with the first-team offense Wednesday.

The really surprising thing here is that the coin wasn't picked off.

Right now every Chicago Bears fan has a single, solitary tear rolling down his or her cheek. And no one blames you at all.

Williams agrees in principle, Grossman wins coin toss to start [Chicago Tribune]

The Sex Cannon will be back for the Bears too, which means there's a possibility they'll be battling it out for the starting spot next year. No offense, Rex, but who beat the Packers last year? Who provides us with so much joy every year? Orton shouldn't just be the starting quarterback for the Bears, he should be the starting quarterback for EARTH.

Rumors And Rants has a great Orton shot compendium, by the way.

Party Time In Chicago [Rumors And Rants]

Since the Bears put Orton back in the starting role, they're 1-1, and he has outplayed playoff quarterbacks Tavaris Jackson (maybe) and Brett Favre. Yesterday wasn't inherently pretty, but who cares? Orton probably should have had three touchdowns, on a ridiculously cold day. (Illinois is bone-chilling right now.)

The local paper here even ran a column endorsing Orton to take over the starting spot next season. No Griese, no Sex Cannon, no McNabb. Orton. Doubt the man at your own peril.

Possible captions:

• Don't tase me, bro

• If you've ever been too drunk to fish ... you may be a redneck

• See, if you'd stick to your 12-point maintinence program, eh, then we wouldn't have to jump-start you like this. Oh, no, you had to do it your way... you think you know everything, eh.

• Zero charisma

• KYLE ORTON'S DAD: I work my whole life, I don't apologize to take care of my family. And I refused to be a fool dancing on the strings held by all of those big shots. I don't apologize for that. That's my life. But I always thought that when it was your time that you would be the one to hold the strings. Senator Orton. Governor Orton. Something.
KYLE: Another pezzonovante.
KYLE ORTON'S DAD: Well, there wasn't enough time, Kyle. There just wasn't enough time.
KYLE: We'll get there, Pop. We'll get there.

How The Bears Finally Found Orton [The Sports Hernia]

The Vikings somehow beat the Bears last night in one of those games that resemble cute Pop Warner contests; everyone's running the wrong way and throwing it to ridiculous places, but somehow, some lovable scamp with his helmet on backwards and a jersey that hangs over his feet ends up stumbling into the endzone. You're happy for them, they won, that's great ... but seriously, when does the varsity come on the field.

Much salutations to our man Kyle Orton, however, who was his usual mildly efficient, mostly inoffensive self. He looked like the best quarterback on the field to us.

Thus officially ends any playoff chances the Buzzsaw had, by the way. Fortunately, they have two easy games in the last two weeks to drop them down the draft board next year. 8-8 would be nice, though. As for the Vikings ... anything that allows us to see Purple Jesus for a couple more weeks is fine with us.

Deadspin Hall of Fame Kyle Orton has the hopes of a needful nation in his hands; we have this wild dream of Orton throwing for 300 yards in each of the next three games and causing a full-blown QB controversy in Chicago this offseason. Donovan McNabb? Please! It's Neckbeard time.

Above is a rooting section all set to go in the Metrodome tonight, and we can only hope the MNF cameras catch them. It's all Orton, all the time. Let's get out there and show the support the man needs.

More after the jump, of course.

Deadspin Hall of Famer Kyle Orton is back where he belongs: As the Bears starting quarterback.

Kyle Orton will start at quarterback for the Bears on Monday night against the Vikings, coach Lovie Smith announced.

The 5-8 Bears have only a slight chance of making the playoffs, and playing Orton is a sign that they're starting to look toward next season. Orton's last game action was the 2005 season, when he started 15 games as a rookie after Grossman broke his ankle in the preseason.

The prodigal son ... RETURNS!

Deadspin Hall Of Famer Kyle Orton [Deadspin]

Yes, as any Broncos fan can tell you, Brian Griese is not savior. Only through the lens of Rex Grossman could Griese be considered any sort of legitimate starting quarterback; Denver brought in Jake Plummer to take over for him, and you might remember how that turned out.

We don't know why people are focusing on Griese so much. As you all know, only one man deserves the mantle of Chicago Bears starting quarterback:

The time has come, Coach Smith: Do the right thing.

Careful What You Wish For, Bears Fans [Signal To Noise]

Well, because the world is full of wisenheimers, some guy wrote in and requested Bears third-stringer Kyle Orton come to his class at the University of Illinois and "drink a ton of beer and get completely obliterated." The NFL, perhaps in not the best of decisions, responded quickly.

Dear Mr. X,

Thank you for your interest and participation in the NFL's "Take a player to School" sweepstakes. We regret to inform you that you and your request have been deemed ineligible. The contest is reserved for children 6-13 who have an interest in bringing their favorite NFL player to their school. Your request to have Kyle Orton of the Chicago Bears come to the University of Illinois to, in your words: "Drink a ton of beer and get completely obliterated" has been denied. Due to the nature of your request we have ruled that you are older than the stated age limit and that your specific request is against all the moral values for which the NFL stands. Thank you for your interest and we hope you continue to support the NFL and your community.

Sincerely,
NFL Properties LLC and Marden-Kane Inc.

"Against all the moral values for which the NFL stands?" Anybody tell Coors Light that?

Anyway, we wouldn't lose too much sleep about the denial, Mr. X. Champaign's not that far from Chicago; he'll surely make it down there eventually.

Take A Player To School Day [NFL.com] (thanks to The Stogie Guys for the heads-up on this.)

(UPDATE: Sadly, it turns out this is not real: This is one of those Internet jokes that went too far. It's a blasted shame.)