The Bengals have spent years trying to shed the perception that they are nothing but violent, drug-addled thugs who have little interest in playing proper football—-and now that they've done that, they are actually a good team again. I hate to sound like Gregg Easterbrook here, but ... why would you tempt fate like this? Coach Marvin Lewis says that if the team does sign Johnson, he would be nothing more than a fourth-string back up. Why fill such an inconsequential spot with a potential problem child? Because fourth RBs are so hard to come by?

Let's be clear, Larry Johnson wasn't fired from the Chiefs because he called someone a "faggot" on Twitter. He was dumped because he was an aging, unlikeable, not-very-good running back who had become an annoying thorn in his coach's side. The fact that he threw around anti-gay slurs in public was just a convenient excuse for K.C. to wash their hands of him. He was a distraction that an 0-and-whatever team did not need. So why does a first-place team need it?

I don't believe in football gods, but I do believe that guys who wear hats like this should probably stay unemployed.

Source: Larry Johnson expects to sign with Cincinnati Bengals [ESPN]

•Not only do SEC replay booths not use HD screens, but they say it's not worth making the switch. Also, that play where Patrick Peterson clearly stayed in bounds? They accidentally DVR'd The Mentalist over it.

•Want to know what makes Sidney Crosby so good? Evgeni Malkin. In the sixth game without the real MVP in the lineup, Sid The Kid extended his point-less streak to five games, and the Pens fell to Boston.

•A four-minute replay review overturned Brad Miller's buzzer-almost-beater, and Denver hung on to top Chicago. Imagine that! The length of the game was extended in order to make the right call, and no one's calling for David Stern's head! You listening, Selig? Of course you're not. You fell asleep halfway through Leno.

•What's Larry Johnson worth? Not moving to the bottom of the waiver wire. No one claimed the, um, expressive RB, and he's free to sign anywhere. Except with the Chiefs. My sources tell me they have no plans of signing him.

•If Mauer, Jeter and Teixeira were hoping their defense would set them apart in the MVP race, well...all three won Gold Gloves. Also, Placido Polanco emerges as a dark horse candidate.

•A judge has blocked North Dakota from changing their nickname from the Fighting Sioux. In these trying times, with two wars being fought, it's just insensitive to name a team the Fighting anythings.

•The Tribune's Rick Morrissey said Joakim Noah would never be a useful player, and promised to eat the column if he was proven wrong. Well...

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

And Here's One Of Her Emails, Too

Excuse me...

I urge you to provide me proof that embedding was permitted from my YouTube account which I assure you wasn't. That's why I'm not going away until you take down the article and compensate me for the escalating level of slander, now up to almost 18,000 views. Have you even asked Barry how he got it? Because no matter what he says, it will be a lie that he took it legally.

I also did not think I would be outing my full identity with a screen name I selected, "PhillySlide," but all that keeps coming up is "SEDonaldson." Your site will not allow me to fix it. That IS your problem to fix now and I do think that is mandatory. I also don't appreciate you telling me that I will "regret" anything. I do not regret standing up for myself. You should regret having a career where you think it is morally ok to defame people. Your parents would be so proud.

Sarah

And Here's Another Lady You Pissed Off

To whom it may concern,

I was connected to your site through a link in a sports article from Yahoo.com. I was thrilled to see a story featuring a female Jayhawks fan with a beautiful back-piece tattoo. However, I was then disgusted to read some of the comments posted below…

AzureTexan

11:25 AM

Hmmm, a Kansas skank. If she clicks her heels three times with enough force, a ping-pong ball will fall out. #kansasjayhawks Reply

Artie Fufkin

09:58 AM

The frat brother with his letters tatooed on his ankle looks like a pus now. Doesn't mean he won't date rape her later. #kansasjayhawks Reply

Hit Bull Win Steak

09:43 AM

alright, the tattoo I can sort of understand, but was the rhinoplasty to get the Jayhawk's beak really necessary? #kansasjayhawks Reply

I then noticed y'all didn't have any women on staff. I would suggest that if you want a female following and fan base (yes there are die hard female fans out there… Look at Jayhawk Kat) you might want to censor out some of these ignorant comments that perpetuate gender stereotypes.. I am fairly sure this email will not go anywhere and nothing will change, but that does not change the fact that by allowing comments like these to be posted you are directly contributing to gender inequity in sport and reinforcing harmful gender stereotypes. At the very least please keep the female sports fan in mind when running future stories and concerning future content.

Thank you for your time,

Liz J. Titus

I Miss You, Too, Philly

So what the fuck? the bigwigs in New York keeping you down from talking shit? I speak for every Philadelphian who read this site and enjoyed the hell out of your writing on the way to being "THE WORLD FUCKING CHAMPIONS" . Talk some shit big boy. Or aren't you really in charge of the site. Sixers beat the Knicks, Birds sent the Giants back up the turnpike with their tails between their legs and now we have a shot to even it up and you ain't a smart ass? Council Rock pussy, Neshaminy '79 says stand up to those New York Gawker fucks and say I'm Philly and I'm Proud!!

Hope to see some better shit-talking tomorrow on the verge of game seven. AND STILL, THE REIGNING WFC's, THE PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,

Mike G.

If Anyone Needs A Brazilian Football Or Soccer Coach

Good Afternoon,
I'm Oilson Silva, live in the city of Curitiba in Brazil.
I am looking for an opportunity to work with football or soccer in the United States of America.
play soccer since I was 11 years.
Currently I'm 27 years old with a great knowledge of football.

I got this address by searching the Internet.
I'm sorry if I'm being inconvenient.
I hope you can help me!
Thank you!
I look forward to a response!

my phone is 41-xxxxxx

And If You Need Assistance Finding These Jobs, Contact Tommy Craggs

Hey Tommy great article, my name is mike im 17 and i just wanted to tell you that im a huge fan of the broncos and a bigger football fan in general but i wanted to ask you how a person would go about trying to get a coaching job in the NFL im really interested.

Thanks again, Mike

And We've Also Started To Get Larry Johnson's Mail

Larry,read the news-report that stated you are suspended from playing because of a remark concerning homosexuals...I urge you NOT to recant or take back your statement even if it cost you your job....God made Male and Female,and never made an in between sex...The whole country is fearful of the homosexual-lesbian coalition...Talk show host,Politicians and many pastors are bowing to this vile sickness called gay....Your stand against this behaviour is correct...God warned of such sexual sin and called it sodomy...All three major religeons condemn such behaviour...Brother Johnson,stand up for your belief and never bow to homosexual-lesbian sin....you may lose your job,but,never lose your character or compromise your integrity... Prophet H Walker(overseer)
True Light Pentecost Church

Oh, Aren't You Clever

Hey A.J.,

So I'm walking to the train tuesday morning and I find out that the neighborhood cat "Suede" has gone missing. Is there any chance you guys can forward this to Psycho T so we can get Suede home. If he can bring Sarah back to that irresponsible black girl, then I think he can find Suede.

Thanks,
Chubs P.

Yes, David Stern Is A Huge Fan Of Nazi Shark

Apparently David Stern reads deadspin. All rejoice.

On the Dan Patrick show David Stern said they can't do anything about Tim Donaghy's book. He hasn't read the whole book. "I have read the excerpts that were on Deadspin," Stern said.

•At least one of the six umpires was actually paying attention, but bad calls wouldn't have made a difference anyway. Cliff Lee was nigh unhittable, and Philadelphia takes the opener.

•Had your fill of high-and-mighty Pennsylvanians yet? Sidney Crosby had a hat trick by the second intermission, and the Penguins have the best record in the east. But don't expect to hear about it from the fans; they can't hop on while their Steelers bandwagon is still moving.

•The Chiefs suspend Larry Johnson for two weeks, which is really just one game and the bye week. Normally teams are loathe to lose the production from their star, but I'm not sure they'll notice his 2.7 yards per carry when it's missing.

•Maybe it's foolish to panic after two games, but...maybe LeBron should start panicking after two games. His triple-double goes for naught as Toronto sends the Cavs to their first 0-2 start since his second season.

•Orlando Thomas: not dead! Which is good. He's still battling ALS though, which isn't good.

•The Buccaneers name first round pick Josh Freeman their starter, because what's the point of benching your talented young QB when you're not winning anyway? Apparently the Titans also have a young rookie they should be starting, one Vince Young. Haven't heard much about him.

•Finally, it's been making the rounds all day: the behind-the-back touchdown pass.

Johnson has been "barred from team activities" while they "investigate" his alleged use of anti-gay slurs against Twitter and other real media types. However, when you play in Kansas City ... is that really a punishment? Johnson, meanwhile, apologized to anyone who cared to listen "for the words I used." The yelling and the insults? That's all good, but he really should have chosen a different term of non-endearment.

"I regret my actions. The words were used by me in frustration, and they were not appropriate," he said. "I did not intend to offend anyone, but that is no excuse for what I said."

Well, that was to be expected. Now we just sit back and wait for the inevitable trade/deactivation/release. There's no point in him ever playing for the Chiefs again, but maybe his dad could use a new assistant. Like that guy in Rememeber The Titans!

Chiefs RB Johnson apologizes for gay slurs [Yahoo/AP]

P.S. But he was (maybe) nice to a little kid once, so forget all that other stuff you're heard. [Jocklife]

Despite Johnson's heroic 49-yard effort on Sunday, his team got waxed by the Chargers. So he did what any athlete would do in Fall 2009, he fired up the old Twitter to let the world know that his coach is a buffoon. (Way ahead of you, LJ.) Everything sic, by the way:

"my father got more creditentials than most of these pro coaches. … google my father!!!!!!!"

"My father played for the coach from "rememeber the titans". Our coach played golf. My father played for redskins briefley. Our coach. Nuthn"

Actually ... is that even an insult? I'm not sure if knowing someone who had a movie made about them makes someone else qualified to be an NFL coach, but if the point is that you can't do much worse than Todd Haley has in his first year ... then point taken, I guess.

But Larry wasn't done there. He decided to get into it with some other people on the internet that he doesn't even know. And maybe call one of them a fag.

Jared Launius: Interesting comments by Larry Johnson ( @toonlcon ) about "coaches." Hey LJ, is it Haley's fault you fall when D-Linemen blow on you?

Larry: "@jaredlaunius Sorry ur a cornball n ur mom birthed u broke. But I'm cakn patna. While u work or school for 5 dollas n hour. Ha!"

Jared Launius: "Apologies. His Twitter alias is @toonicon whatever the hell that means. Probably something about spitting in women's faces."

Larry: "@jaredlaunius think bout a clever diss than that wit your fag pic. Christopher street boy. Is what us east coast cats call u."

And still more:

"@DrewK30 got nuthn to do wit hiring my father. But u wouldn't know cuz u don't play either so keep on the sideline lil gril n cheer."

"@KD2407 then don't reply then. Still richer then u. Keep goin. Come play our game ooops forgot u can't."

It seems Larry's arsenal of comebacks pretty much consists of "I'm richer than you," which is admittedly quite persuasive. Let's see what else is on the Twitter Scandal checklist. Twitter feed turned to private and/or deleted? Check. Player's agent confirms that it's his feed, but tries to mitigate the damage? Check. So I guess all that's left is a fine and a fake apology before the week is out? And I don't know ... about eight or nine more losses for the Chiefs? (That probably would have happened regardless.)

However, when you consider that Johnson has not punched or spit upon anyone this season (that we know of!) and has refrained from recording any terrible rap songs, I'd say 2009 has been pretty successful.

Chiefs RB Larry Johnson Starts War of Words with Fans on Twitter [Arrowhead Pride]
LJ's Twitter page rips Haley, uses homophobic slur [Yahoo]
LJ's rant, the apparent shots at Haley, and what it all might mean for the Chiefs' locker room [KC Star]
Larry Johnson's dad has some advantages over Todd Haley [PFT]

UPDATE: Johnson in an effort to make the hole he's digging even deeper, tells Kansas City reporters entering the locker room on Monday to "Get your faggot asses out of here." Lovely. [PFT/Arrowhead Pride]

Last time Johnson popped up on this site he was part of a Deleted Scenes porno fantasy of some reckless emailer from upstate Pennsylvania. Prior to that, he was in the midst of an image-makeover after it seemed for a while any female he came within two feet from was slapping an assault charge against him. Johnson plead guilty to some, not guilty to others, but is ready to move on in a world free from Herm Edwards and the pressure of being a number two ranked fantasy running back. Oh, and he found his soulmate in wacky hattedness in Chili from TLC but I have not been keeping up on whether those two have made the leap to full-time coupledom.

Johnson seems downright giddy in these photos, probably because new Chiefs GM Scott Pioli's generous additions to the offense will mean LJ won't have to carry the ball 987 times this season, most likely saving him from being a Rascal-bound invalid by age 35.

LJ Buying Big Bottles Of Champagne To Get Ladies Liquored Up [SBB]

The lawsuit accuses Johnson of negligence, assault and battery, intentional infliction of emotional distress and negligent infliction of emotional distress for the incident at Club Blonde, in which he is said to have spit a drink in Stewart's face, and added the fun quote: "Im going to kill your boyfriend."

"This is not about money," said Kirra N. Jones, Stewart's attorney. "My client has worked her way through school. She's in the Air Force, National Guard. She's a hardworking student and this really came as an unfortunate incident in her life. But you know what? She's a fighter. She's willing to be the person who finally makes Larry Johnson answer for his repeated bad behavior."

Johnson already had a court date on Dec. 5, in which he is accused of assaulting another woman. But he has a more immediate problem, namely the New Orleans Saints, who will no doubt welcome him warmly after his four-week layoff.

Forecast for Kansas City the rest of the month: Small dark cloud hovering over Herm Edwards, with chance of intermittent shitstorms.

UPDATE: Arrowhead Addict reports that the pose shown above is from the Women of KU calendar from 2006, at womenofKU.com. They also say that the woman is "allegedly" Ms. Ashley Stewart.

Larry Johnson Got Sued [The Worldwide Leader]
Woman Sues Chiefs RB Larry Johnson Over Bar Spat [International Herald Tribune]

And I promise not only to the fans, not only to teammates, players, coaches, GMs and my own family that I do anticipate seeking help to get better as far as getting my life on track, knowing what I want out of this life, not necessarily football, and just work as hard as I can not only being a good football player but obviously being a son of the National Football League, a son of my own family, hopefully a brother, a future father, future husband.

[I will work hard] to get my life back on track and know that I and I alone put myself in these critical situations and environments to where things don't come out favorably to me. All I can do is promise to you guys and to people who are watching that as a man, I'm still growing and as a man everyone makes mistakes."

Lots of mistakes, in Johnson's case. This is the fourth time he's been accused of assaulting a woman in five years, which shows a terrifying pattern of behavior that he obviously can't control. And with that track record, it's safe to assume that there have been more incidents like this that haven't had police involvement. If the Chiefs are really serious about hard-lining after this latest one, they should cut him the rest of the year. Go get your head right, Larry, and figure out if you can control this crap. The Chiefs aren't going to be any worse without him.

Larry Johnson Benched again but it sorry for making it rain [Shutdown Corner]

From the Kansas City, Mo., police report, as obtained by the ironically-titled blog Arrowhead Pride:

When the victim found her friend, the friend told her "LJ" wanted to say something to her ... the listed victim stated the suspect then laughed and stated "All I wanted to tell you is that I'm going to kill your boyfriend." The victim replied by saying "OK." The suspect then stated "I'm going to [fuck] his world up because I can't [fuck] yours up." ... The victim then stated she backed away from the suspect thinking that the conversation had ended when the suspect took a drink and sprayed the victim with the drink by spitting it in her face."

So to recap, Johnson has been involved in four alleged assaults involving women; has been suspended by the Chiefs for breaking team rules (he sat out Sunday's game against the Titans, the team saying that the suspension has nothing to do with this latest incident); sang a bizarre anti-Chiefs rap on MySpace last year in which he referenced his contract dispute with the team; and, most notably of all, has disappointed Stephen A. Smith.

If it seems like we've been down this road before, well of course we have. Johnson is a talented running back whose moral compass is certainly lost or broken, a curious state of affairs when one considers the strong support he's had from both his father, Larry Johnson Sr., and his college coach, Joe Paterno. While Johnson's story is not in Michael Vick or, God forbid, Lawrence Phillips territory just yet, doesn't it feel as if that's where things are heading?

Larry Johnson: 'I'm Going To Kill Your Boyfriend' [Arrowhead Pride]

Mottram, being a dutiful Interwebs reporter, asked him about his watch. The following exchange ensued:

ME: Seriously, man, how much was that watch?
LJ: About 300?
ME: Dollars?
LJ: Thousand. They only made three of them in the world.
ME: $300,000? I'd have to spend 10 years worth of pay to buy that.
LJ: Or you could deal crack and get it in three weeks.

God we love Larry Johnson. We had no idea crack dealers made so much. The more you know ...

Larry Johnson Encourages Me To Deal Crack [The Sporting Blog]

To remind, here's what the song says:

Can I come back? Can I come back? And if ya'll don't pay my money I ain't never comin' back. So fuck dat. They say should I be scared cuz Pri-Ho (presumably Priest Holmes) coming back, he embarrassing himself. So I'm a say it, I'm a leave it like that. Cuz I'm the n____ runnin this mutherfucker here.

Fuck Carl Peterson, the GM is running it. They see me. They want to treat me like I'm running it. I wouldn't give a fuck if I'm not coming back. I'd rather play for another team because I'd rather be a running back.

Johnson says not only that it's not him (which is possible), but that it's just some random person impersonating his voice (which isn't). There are pictures of Johnson all over the site, and the band members even point out, as if to "clarify," that even though Johnson does rap with the group, he's not a full-fledged member.

Johnson can claim it's not him on that audio, even though he has connections with the group, pictures of himself on the site and the voice sounds amazingly like his. He can pretend that it's just random people doing Larry Johnson impersonations. He can even say he doesn't know anything about it. But he's lying.

Larry Johnson Is Straight Gangsta [100 Percent Injury Rate]

But a reader from Portland brought up something that actually kind of freaked us out a bit: The eerie similarities between Mariah Carey's career and that of former New York Knicks luminary Larry Johnson.

We know, we know, this is a little Simmons of us, but we still found it amusing. Check out our readers breakdown of the two after the jump.

U2 Overshadows Mariah Carey At The Grammys [New York Times]

—————————————————————————

Have you ever noticed the strange parallel career arcs between Mariah Carey's and Larry Johnson's? Seriously.

They both jumped on to the national scene in 1990 as 20-year-old phenoms — Carey with her self-titled debut album ("Vision of Love", etc.) and Johnson as a juco transfer who led the Runnin' Rebels to an NCAA title. Their careers were in the "white-hot" phase for the next eight or so years. Then they began to slide at the same time. After some physical breakdowns (LJ's back, Mariah's head), the wheels came off, whereupon they both completely stuck it to their employers on the way out the door.

That's the thing that first made me notice the connection: Within three months of each other in 2001-2002, both LJ and Carey received virtually the same eye-popping payoff — $29 million — to NOT ever work for their employers again. (Despite repeated efforts, I have thus far failed to negotiate a similar severance package from my employer.)

Another way to look at it is that EMI basically paid Carey $50 million to record one album for them, "Glitter", which totally flopped.

(Yes, the comparison breaks down when you note that Carey has had a big comeback, and LJ is, well, I guess he's just out there paying child support.)

The other connection between these two people, of course, is that I despise them both.

The details appear to be that Johnson had been "dating" the woman, and when she popped by the bar, she saw him with another "date." This being 2005, after seeing her, Johnson sent her a text message saying to meet her downstairs, and the tussle occurred then.

We would be more willing to give Johnson the benefit of the doubt here — the woman making the allegations already disputes some parts of the police report — if he didn't have a history of this sort of thing; in December 2003, police said he slapped his girlfriend and threatened her with a handgun. But hey: This time he just sent a threatning text message, rather than a threatening gun. The kid, he's learning.

Chiefs RB Accused Of Assaulting Woman In Bar [KC Star]