See if this (alleged) story sounds familiar. Broadway and a friend are at a club. The friend—Cameron McGuire, who plays "United League Baseball" if that even exists—hits on someone else's girl. Words are exchanged with another gentleman. Broadway is not satisfied. So he (naturally) removes his shirt, "takes a running start" and punches 25-year-old Ivan Pinney in the face, breaking his orbital socket, cheekbone, nose, and detaches his retina.

To be fair, it's not clear if it was Broadway's flying punch that did all that damage or if some of it might be because McGuire kicked the dude in the head after he went down. Either way, the gruesome hospital pictures prove that Pinney's injuries are all too real. (Fans of Softball Failures will be impressed, but the queasy probably won't want to click here.)

Oh, and he was not the only victim of Broadway's wrath. Pinney's lawyer claims that in the ensuing brawl, Lance "punched several women, knocking one out." Not bad, when you consider that Broadway only punched out nine batters all of last season. I think these pro ball players need better friends and relatives.

Woodlands Man Sues After Former Major-Leaguer (Allegedly) Assaults Himls [Houston News]
Earlier: The Backup Catcher, The NBA Journeyman's Wife, And The Gropey Grandpa
[Photo: AP file]

Nothing good happens in Scottsdale, Arizona. And absolutely nothing good happens in a Scottsdale casino. That's where Green met post-op transsexual Angelina Mavilia in early 2009, according to her lawsuit.

They went back to his condo, where Green, 27, assaulted her, she charges. He then got "extremely agitated and threatening," according to court documents, and warned: "This never happened. You'd better not tell."

This is not how I recall The Crying Game ending. Mavilia is asking for $10 million. It is curious that the suit took a year to file — and no criminal charges were ever sought. But if we're going to bust Ben Roethlisberger's hump for dabbling with the crazy hotel help, you're damn right we're going to cover it when someone gets sued by a transsexual.

NFL player Eric Green forcibly sodomized transgender New Yorker Angelina Mavilia, her lawsuit claims [NY Daily News]

In 2007 Ellen Massey was sitting in the upper deck for a game against the Phillies, and if those two variables weren't flashing warning signs, I don't know what are. Enter Timothy Cassidy, who the lawsuit doesn't name, but the Post does, perhaps in an attempt to shame him into trying Flirty Girl Fitness.

Massey's all like "your beer vendors should have known he was drunk, so you're to blame he shattered one of my vertebra like a Cheeto Puff."

But the Mets are all like, "he's a huge fatty boombalatty, and you should have seen him coming, so you're to blame too.

And then Cassidy was like, "this d-bag Phillies fan behind me was making fun of me for using my BlackBerry and he's the one who pushed me."

So we're like "with Citi Field's 8-dollar beers, and no more impossibly steep upper deck that makes it feel like you're climbing a ladder, this lawsuit is a relic of a simpler time, and we should cherish it while we can." And so we do.

Amazin' blame game [NY Post]

Holy shit, was there any greater moment in your school days than seeing a kid get hit full-on upside the head? Just recalling the sound of that red rubber sphere bouncing off a human skull gives me a semi-chubby. But 12-year-old Shane Reese doesn't find it so nostalgic. Last year he was sitting in the bleachers during gym class due to some recent dental surgery, when a stray ball smashed up his bridgework.

Yup, he wasn't even in the game, and he still got owned. God I love dodgeball.

Soccer balls were flying all over the place," said Shane's lawyer Mark Weinberger. "There was an issue of lack of supervision."

Yup, that's dodgeball.

New York City has offered Reese's parents a $20,000 settlement to make it all go away. But is $20,000 enough to make up for the shame of being the kid who ruined gym class forever? Not to mention the shame of not being very good at dodgeball.

Injured Kid Hits School In Dim Gym Lawsuit After Dodgeball Accident [NY Daily News]

There hasn't been a serious competitor to the Madden franchise since NFL 2K5. That's because EA signed a deal to license the NFL's intellectual properties, meaning real teams and players could be used in Madden — and nowhere else.

That means the only other options for gamers are failures like All-Pro Football 2K8 and Blitz: The League II, both with fictional teams and players. And who wants fictional players?

No one, says a judge. And that could mean that EA's deal with the NFL is exclusionary, and therefore a possible antitrust violation. So, if you're one of the millions of people who bought a Madden game since 2005, keep your eyes peeled. As this moves through the courts, you could have the opportunity to pretend like you were personally hurt by this, and make a little money.

Video Game Buyers Seek Class Cert. In EA Suit (Subscription required) [Law360]

New York police say Christian Dudley shot himself in the knee. (He says he was robbed and shot in the back and the bullet lodged in his knee, but there's no other entry wounds.) And while they're not pressing charges, he's suing for $1 million for emotional distressed because they compared him to Burress.

As soon as I went into the precinct and I had the cuffs on they said, 'Oh, is this Plaxico?'" Dudley said. "And then when I was in the cell, while they processed me, they called me Plaxico, making fun of me."

Gerald Cohen, Dudley's lawyer, says the football star's accident planted the seed for cops' allegations.

"It is outrageous," he said. "They created this cockamamie theory with no evidence."

So Plax's name is now code for a specific crime of stupidity. Humiliating, but it could be worse. See:

•Being Christie-Whipped
•Taking a Davenport Dump
•Bagging a Brooke Hundley

Cops Compared Me With Troubled Ex-Giant Plaxico Burress, Says Shot Teen [NY Daily News]

I'm pretty sure that anyone who worked for CBS Sports during the 2004 Super Bowl is either dead, retired, or already in jail for far greater crimes, yet somehow the network, the government, the Third Circuit Court of Appeals, the Supreme Court, the U.N. Security Council, and the Galactic Senate continue to fight it out. Even Fox is somehow involved and they weren't even showing the game. This is officially the dumbest legal fight of all time and it's pretty much guaranteed to never end.

CBS was fined $500,000, the Third Circuit said that was nonsense, the Supremes said, "nuh-uh" and the FCC is mad because the network had the magical "seven second delay" technology, yet didn't anticipate that a former Mouseketeer could be so randy. The horror. I don't even remember who played in that game—I want to say the Bills?—let alone what Janet Jackson's breast looks like, so perhaps the national scars have healed enough that we can fire all these lawyers and get on with our lives.

FCC To Further Investigate Janet Jackson Super Bowl Reveal [Broadcasting & Cable, via Gawker]

Apparently Doc Gooden is failing in his attempts to mentor the area kids:

In a lawsuit filed last week in federal court in Newark, three Millburn High School students contend Newark Bears president and co-owner Thomas Cetnar berated them, cursed at them and then booted them from the ballpark after they failed to stand for the song during the seventh-inning stretch.

"Nobody sits during the singing of 'God Bless America' in my stadium,'" Cetnar bellowed during the June 29 incident, according to the suit. "Now the get the (expletive) out of here."

The teens — Millburn High seniors Bryce Gadye and Nilkumar Patel, both 17, and junior Shaan Mohammad Khan, 16 — argue the treatment and their ejection violated their rights under the Constitution, along with federal and state public accommodation laws and state law against discrimination. They're seeking unspecified damages.

What these rebellious boys obviously need are some extra large, Sarah Palin-approved flag pins to wear on their lapels. That'll learn 'em!

[NJ.com]

Perhaps the only reason we even know that Alex Rodriguez, David Ortiz and Sammy Sosa failed drug tests back in 2003, is because federal prosecutors working on the BALCO case seized the records and urine samples from baseball's testing program, including the information that linked test results to individual players. Their investigation was only supposed to cover the 10 specific players linked to BALCO, including Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi and Gary Sheffield (who have never been publicly linked to "the list"). They took it all and now they've been scolded for it.

The player's union sued and yesterday the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco (i.e., dirty hippies) ruled that the seizure was illegal and therefore prosecutors may not use the evidence in court, in the BALCO case or any future trials. It could still go to the Supreme Court—since there are larger issues at stake about searching electronic records—but if they reject the case or uphold the ruling, the samples and the data may finally be destroyed.

Too late to save the players who have already been named, of course, and since the list has already been seen by numerous lawyers, rumors and revelations will continue to persist. And all so the Justice Department could nail Barry Bonds on a perjury charge. (Which happened six years ago, by the way, and they still haven't prosecuted him.) So this has been a great use of everyone's time.

Appeals court bars feds from using pro baseball players' steroids test results [San Jose Mercury News]

You see, just because Lisa Mayfield told NASCAR that her stepson is tweaked out on meth, that doesn't automatically give him the right to say she kills people. (Unless she does kill people! But that's why we have judges, right?) She's seeking compensatory damages and punitive damages, plus other "relief as the court may deem just and proper."

For his part, Mayfield The Younger is standing by his words, but still hasn't filed his wrongful death suit accusing her of killing his father, like he said he would. The "basically a whore" thing is more a judgment call, I guess.

Jeremy Mayfield of NASCAR sued for civil damages by stepmother Lisa Mayfield [ESPN]

Sypher filed a complaint with the police department's sex offense unit, if that helps paint a picture for you. However, since prosecutors have determined that the claim lacks sufficient evidence, the exact allegation will probably never be known. Depending on how much you want to know about Pitino's nighttime activities that may or may not be a bad thing.

The case against Sypher, however, continues. So who knows what crazy stories will come out of that? In case you've lost track, her lawyer quit and her accused accomplice has rolled over on her—after she literally rolled on him apparently. Lester Goetzinger had been charged with aiding and abetting Sypher's attempted extortion, but he says she came over to his house, sexed him up, and then convinced him to leave threatening voicemails for Pitino. Classy. Goetzinger made a deal with prosecutors after determining that Sypher threw him under the bus. Also classy!

But Sypher is not done yet:

"I'm furious," Sypher told WLKY televison station. "If the investigation was thorough like it should have been, they would have found out what they needed to carry out this case. I'm not done yet."

I just said that!

Complaint against coach Pitino won't be prosecuted [AP]
Attorney: Sypher Seduced Client Into Pitino Plot [WLKY, via]

The woman is Heather Langendorfer, owner of Atalanta Athletic Ware and the inventor of some kind of "running skirt" that is both stylish and not revealing enough for your typical perv. Her website advertises the gear with the slogan "Does this skirt make my butt look fast?" She recently discovered that Nike was selling a product with a very similar catchphrase, even though she held a trademark on hers. That's so unlike them!

To be fair to Nike, they may have been inspired by Langendorfer, but they created something that's totally not the same. Nike is selling t-shirts that say "Does this shirt make my butt look fast?" See the difference? It's probably a little complicated for someone like you that doesn't have an advanced degree in marketing, but if you can't see how that's not trademark infringement, then you'll be getting a call for Nike's lawyers.

Langendorfer should win the case, provided she has a large team of highly-skilled copyright lawyers and an endless supply of cash. Wait, she doesn't have that? Oh ... then enjoy your new Nike Butt Shorts™.

Does This Lawsuit Make My Butt Look Litigious? [SF Weekly]

Three years ago, a small company called SportsFuzion saw an opportunity. They convinced the Basketball of Hall of Fame to sell them "exclusive worldwide rights to the Hall of Fame's trade names, logos, trademarks, designs, and photos for use in sportswear." At the time, those rights didn't seem that valuable, because who buys a hat that says "Hall of Fame" on it? But SportsFuzion, was thinking ahead because they knew that in three years Michael Jordan would be in the Hall of Fame, and people will buy anything even remotely associated with Michael Jordan.

So, they took their idea—and their licensing rights—to Nike and made their pitch. And Nike passed. Michael Jordan and the Hall of Fame isn't really going to work for Brand Jordan. Thanks, but no thanks.

Then two months later, the Hall of Fame suddenly decides they don't want to be in business with SportsFuzion. They want to renegotiate their contract. Oh, and look at that ... Nike is now selling their own Jordan Hall of Fame gear! Yes, in a shocking turn of events, one of the richest companies in the world had gone behind the back of a smaller, weaker competitor and cut them out of their biggest deal ever. That almost never happens.

Does SportsFuzion have a case? Does it matter? Because this is not a inspiring sports movie, I'm going to say it doesn't. The money they could have made in a fair deal would have been lost in Nike's couch cushions, but you don't become the most powerful sports company on Earth by sharing. So yeah, sorry, SportsFuzion. That's what you get for thinking too much.

Full press release on the lawsuit below:

NIKE and the NBA Basketball Hall of Fame Sued for Fraud and Other Claims by SportsFuzion Over Michael Jordan Products

Boston, MA, June 24, 2009 – SportsFuzion, Inc., a sportswear company and the exclusive licensee of the Basketball Hall of Fame's sportswear has filed a lawsuit in Norfolk Superior Court in Massachusetts against NIKE, Inc. (NYSE: NKE) and the NBA Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame alleging breach of contract, tortious interference with contract, fraud, and other counts for general and punitive damages. The lawsuit comes after NIKE and the Hall of Fame conspired to eliminate SportsFuzion by manufacturing, marketing, and selling sportswear related to Michael Jordan's upcoming Hall of Fame induction. Since 2006, SportsFuzion has been the owner of the exclusive worldwide rights to the Hall of Fame's trade names, logos, trademarks, designs, and photos for use in sportswear.

Leveraging Michael Jordan's highly anticipated Hall of Fame induction, NIKE will release its Air Jordan Hall of Fame (HOF) Collection into the market this summer. NIKE recently launched a major campaign to promote these products. This campaign includes the website www.getyourbasketballon.com featuring several videos of the fictitious character – Leroy Smith – who supposedly inspired Michael Jordan to greatness. It is estimated that NIKE could sell over $100 million of Michael Jordan Hall of Fame products worldwide.

Beginning in 2005, legal teams for SportsFuzion and the Hall of Fame spent nearly a year negotiating the exclusive worldwide licensing agreement. More than three years ago, SportsFuzion created the concept and a detailed marketing plan around a product line for Michael Jordan's induction into the Hall of Fame. "In 2005, I knew that Michael Jordan's induction would be the biggest event in the Hall of Fame's history and, like his impact on the NBA and the game of basketball, this product opportunity was enormous," said Andrew Mirken, president and co-founder of SportsFuzion.

"SportsFuzion was built around my love and passion for basketball and my admiration for Michael Jordan," said Mirken, who has coached high school boys' basketball for almost 20 years. "Having the opportunity to work with Michael Jordan and all of the great athletes in the Hall of Fame was the dream of my lifetime. Having NIKE and the Hall of Fame go behind our backs to cut us out of the deal has become my worst nightmare."

After entering into the exclusive worldwide license agreement with SportsFuzion, senior level executives at the NBA helped arrange numerous meetings for SportsFuzion with Adidas/Reebok, Mitchell and Ness, and others in hopes of product partnerships being formed. Beginning in the fall of 2006, SportsFuzion met multiple times with top executives from Brand Jordan. After being provided with a copy of SportsFuzion's agreement with the Hall of Fame and after being educated about the opportunity, NIKE turned SportsFuzion down. Among the NIKE executives that considered SportsFuzion's proposal were Howard White, VP Sports Marketing Brand Jordan, who, on November 21, 2007 wrote SportsFuzion saying, "I just wanted to let you know that we've looked at the opportunity with the Hall of Fame from all angles. Our marketing people have looked at it along with our product team. At this time the team feels that it's not an opportunity that we can make happen. We really appreciate the time and consideration that you've given us here in Brand Jordan with Michael going into the Hall of Fame but we've explored every opportunity and at this current time there isn't a fit."

Two months later in January 2008, the Hall of Fame contacted SportsFuzion to "renegotiate" its contract. "It became clear to us that NIKE wanted to do a deal directly with the Hall of Fame and that meant the Hall of Fame had to get out of their agreement with us," said Steve Barlow, co-founder, lead investor and SportsFuzion Board Director. "It was a complete surprise when the Hall of Fame told us they did not understand the totality of the rights they granted our company and that our agreement was not good for the Hall of Fame. Nike's recent Michael Jordan Hall of Fame launch was a total shock to us because we had financed and built the company around this exclusive licensing agreement, and always operated in good faith. We sensed something unethical was in the works – and unfortunately we were right."

SportsFuzion, Inc. is a Massachusetts-based sportswear company that owns the exclusive worldwide rights to the Basketball Hall of Fame's trade names, logos, trademarks, designs, and photos for use in sportswear. SportsFuzion is represented in this matter by Fish & Richardson, the largest intellectual property law firm in the world.

# # #

Las Vegas golf-course developer, Ken Jowdy, is accused of taking more than $25 million from investors to build a resort in Mexico, only instead of actually building anything, they guy just spent the money on parties for him and his friends. Oh, and his friends are Joe Morgan, Roger Clemens, Reggie Jackson and Pete Rose.

The losers in this scenario included many ex-Rangers, Islanders and Devils including Bryan Berard, Michael Peca, Mattias Norstrom, Chris Simon, Steve Rucchin, and Rem Murray, and current Cup carrier Sergei Gonchar. The winners? The friends who got six-figure no-show construction jobs and anyone who likes to stick stuff in Roger Clemens' ass. According to the lawsuit, Jowdy gave Brian McNamee a job as a personal trainer and put "a Clemens gal pal named Adrian Moore, described as a 'regular party attendee who was close to Clemens,' on his payroll 'as a personal favor'" to the Rocket. (That's New York Post-speak for "they were doing it.")

Other winners included the "porn stars, escorts, strippers [and] party girls" who were flown for the lavish "bacchanalian revelry" that Jowdy used to woo his baseball party pals. The hockey goons weren't invited.

From one angle it makes sense: If you want to throw crazy sex parties to impress your famous "friends," you can't be stealing from those friends. So you have to target a different group of gullible millionaires to finance your orgies with the first group. On the other hand, if you're going to steal money from rich athletes, why would you go after NHL players? You don't see jewel thieves breaking into trailer parks, do you?

Plus, why would anyone want to impress Joe Morgan? (For the record, Joe says: "It's unethical to use my name when I never went to any of those parties, nor was I involved in any other activities." (His name came up in the lawsuit, but so noted.)

According to the filings, Jowdy lavished attention on the baseball players "under the guise that these individuals would eventually purchase real estate" in the planned resorts, called Diamante Del Mar and Diamante Cabo San Lucas. But, the ex-major leaguers never expressed any interest, according to the suit.

Specifically, the suit states, "Clemens and even his wife were vocal and adamant that they would never purchase" the property.

"Nevertheless, Jowdy continued to provide - and these individuals all continued to accept - gratuitous, extravagant private air travel, five-star hotel accommodations, luxury home rentals, unlimited food and beverage expenses, golf tournaments and lavish parties several times a year over a three-year period," the suits allege.

Baseball players: "We may not like you, but we'll take your free stuff."

NHLers: Our Cash Was Blown on MLB Porn Party [TMZ]
GOLF RESORT DEVELOPER BILKED NHL STARS: SUIT [New York Post]

La Russa and Twitter settled their lawsuit, which the Cardinals manager brought against the microblogging service for macro damages, including emotional distress worth more than 140 characters. But, you see, the lawsuit wasn't about naysayers (or parodists) being critical of La Russa, or about the four — four! — followers who noticed, or the fact that experts doubted the suit's merit. This was about the law.

"There is a law against improperly using a person's name without authorization and it wasn't authorized," La Russa said. "You can't sue everybody for criticizing you, but it seemed like that was the perception. It was improper use of the name, but it's been settled."

It's going to cost Twitter a probable donation to La Russa's ARF and his legal fees — which, of course, the skipper would not have accrued had he not sued in the first place.

UPDATE: Twitter, through its blog, is denying that the suit has been settled:

Reports this week that Twitter has settled a law suit and officially agreed to pay legal fees for an impersonation complaint that was taken care of by our support staff in accordance with our Terms are erroneous. Twitter has not settled, nor do we plan to settle or pay.

With due respect to the man and his notable work, Mr. La Russa's lawsuit was an unnecessary waste of judicial resources bordering on frivolous. Twitter's Terms of Service are fair and we believe will be upheld in a court that will ultimately dismiss Mr. La Russa's lawsuit.

What's more, the Twitterati folk seem to be using this particular case to launch a new feature: verified accounts. From now on, certain people will have super-duper-special seals to denote their authenticity. That select group of celebrities includes "public officials, public agencies, famous artists, athletes and other well known individuals at risk of impersonation," like this guy.

La Russa, Twitter settle lawsuit [AP]
Experts say La Russa's Twitter suit was long shot [AP]
Tony La Russa Is Not Laughing At Your Satire [Deadspin]
Not Playing Ball [Twitter Blog]

Erin Andrews appeared on ESPN Radio in Milwaukee this week, and naturally she was asked the typical question about whether she reads her own press. Unfortunately, it seems that she does:

It's kind of difficult to not. If anything lately it's kind of been like I have people that do that for me obviously just to look out for me and make sure everything is ok.

"There's been situations where stuff that's been false has been written. We've kinda had to take action on our own. Whether it's my agents or lawyers or stuff. It's kind of hard to stay away from it. I'm not as obsessive I think about it as as I was about it when I first started. It's amazing that people can write the stuff that they write and not be held accountable for it. Can you imagine if you and I went on air or on the radio and said some of the stuff that these people get away with. We'd be fired. It's unbelievable."

Yes, it is unbelievable. (Gulp.) Anyway, if you were thinking of starting another scurrilous rumor about Erin Andrews ... just don't. You can't afford it. Or at the very least, send it to Drew and not me.

Erin Andrews Suing Sites Over Sex Tape Rumors? [Brooks]
Erin Andrews On Erin Andrews [Sports Radio Interviews]