NBA Writer Wants To Yank His Crank To Wolves Owner's Wife

For the second straight NBA draft lottery, the sports media couldn’t keep its collective dick in its collective pants. Last year, Bucks owner Wes Edens had his 18-year-old daughter, Mallory, represent the team at the lottery, and sportswriters jizzed all over their computer screens. This year there has (so far) been… » 5/20/15 12:15am Wednesday 12:15am

ESPN's New Hire Says Global-Warming Fears Are "Intellectually Dishonest"

ESPN is a sports media conglomerate that largely, intentionally operates under the conceit that sports exist within a vacuum, untouched by the outside world except for instances in which the outside world intrudes on the sports universe. It’s a fallacious conceit, but it has some unintended positive consequences. Its… » 5/19/15 3:50pm Tuesday 3:50pm

Report: Bill Simmons Won't Be Appearing On Any ESPN Platforms

When ESPN president John Skipper announced that he would not be renewing Bill Simmons’s contract last week—four months ahead of his current contract’s expiration date—a lot of people were left wondering how Simmons would spend his last few months as a lame-duck employee. According to Sports Illustrated’s Richard… » 5/15/15 1:35pm 5/15/15 1:35pm

How To Employ Bill Simmons

Bill Simmons’s ESPN legacy is much bigger than his byline. Over the last six years, he has conceived of the acclaimed documentary series 30 for 30 and launched ESPN’s high-quality sports and entertainment offshoot, Grantland. Soon he won’t have either. But he’ll always have the thing he’s best at (and no, that’s not… » 5/12/15 1:21pm 5/12/15 1:21pm

Bill Simmons Is A Shitty Writer

So last week, ESPN canned Bill Simmons. And now everyone’s doing the fun thing where we speculate about where he will end up for the next phase of his career. Where’s ol’ Bill gonna go? Fox? Turner/Bleacher Report? NBC? A boutique startup underwritten by a messianic venture capitalist with a boner for the NBA? Who’s… » 5/11/15 12:22pm 5/11/15 12:22pm

TV Reporter Says LeBron Shot "Turned The Lights Out" On Bulls' Season

We’re no strangers to the occasional bit of hyperbole in these parts, but reporter Tony Zarrella from Cleveland CBS affiliate WOIO really took it next level tonight as he claimed “The lights literally, literally just went out here in United Center and probably on the Chicago Bulls’ season as well.” » 5/10/15 7:12pm 5/10/15 7:12pm

MLB Net's Heidi Watney Powers Through Pukey Quick Pitch Broadcast

Several of you wrote in last night to express concern for MLB Network’s Heidi Watney, who appeared to be crying while calling highlights on last night’s Quick Pitch broadcast. Watney’s one of the few bright spots on an otherwise dopey, Harold Reynolds-dominated talent roster at the baseball net, so we were worried… » 5/09/15 10:41am 5/09/15 10:41am

The Ballghazi Takes Are Back, And They Are More Insane Than Ever

Yesterday, Ballghazi reached its stunning climax when Ted Wells—the lawyer tasked by the NFL with finding whether or not the Super Bowl-champion New England Patriots intentionally deflated balls below regulation pressure to make it easier for quarterback Tom Brady and his teammates to grip and throw—found out that,… » 5/07/15 2:50pm 5/07/15 2:50pm

The Cavaliers Should Have Thought A Little Harder About This Promo…

During last night’s playoff game against the Chicago Bulls, the Cleveland Cavaliers showed the video below, which was removed from the team’s Vimeo page this morning, on the in-arena jumbotron. The premise of the skit, which is supposed to be a Dirty Dancing spoof, is that a Cavs fan physically harms his Bulls fan… » 5/07/15 10:13am 5/07/15 10:13am