The first one actually happened two weekends ago in Westland, Michigan, where John Glenn High (trailing by one after an earlier missed extra point) lined up for a final play, game-winning field goal against Canton Plymouth. Plymouth heroically blocked the kick and all its players ran to the sideline in celebration ... but the ball never passed the line of scrimmage, nobody covered it, and the refs never blew the whistle. So holder Tony Wilton picked up the ball and jogged uncontested into the endzone. Touchdown. John Glenn wins. Dang.

Then last weekend, Greenville High (the No. 6 team in Pennsylvania AA) had a fourth-and-goal at the 1, with four seconds left in tie game against Oil City. Instead of trying a chip shot field goal, they opted to run it ... and then fumbled the QB-RB pitch. Oil City picked it up and ran 96-yards for the game winner. That hurts.

I'm not sure if either of these tops the craziness from Vermont last month, but at least everyone in the whole world has the opportunity to watch these mistakes and decide for themselves who should feel the worst. (P.S. Thank you, Mom and Dad for never splurging for that video camera.)

Glenn beats Plymouth on 'miracle' finish [Observer]
HS Team Blocks FG in last Seconds...Loses Game [Bob's Blitz]
Team wins on 96-yard fumble return on final play [Rivals]

This series will run on MONDAYS this year. Again, consult the initial post if you'd like to help us out with this.

ONE:

This fine young man was found in this state at about 8:45 a.m while tailgating for the annual Michigan-Michigan State game. A game which our friends in Ann Arbor would lead you to believe doesn't really matter, since MSU is not their rival. But I digress. Thousands of Walmart Wolverines descend on East Lansing every other year for this game. Every college-aged kid that knows someone enrolled at Michigan State will be making the trek to see how tailgating is really done, and with the hopes that they can participate in some couch burning or tear gas breathing. Year after year it never fails that hundreds, if not thousands of Chippewas, Cardinals, Bulldogs, Lakers, Broncos, Wolverines and the high school siblings of all of the above flock to East Lansing to participate.

Sometime around 8:00 am this young lad was seen stumbling around several tailgates, before coming to rest against a van. After an exchange with the owner of the vehicle, and some angry words from the young man's friend, the two stumbled away to drink more. Not 45 minutes later, after coming up for air from shotgunning a beer, my eyes were drawn to this young lad apparently sleeping on a van across the narrow parking lot from our tailgate tents.

Drawn to him like a bat to light (or is it moths?) several of us at our tailgate went to observe the beast in his natural habitat. After many pictures were snapped, including several onlookers posing next with him some semblance of humanity prevailed and someone called 911. Making their first run of the day, East Lansing's finest paramedics exited the vehicle saying only to us, "Is he a Michigan fan?"

After the young man was woken up by an onlooker just prior to the paramedics getting to him just 20 feet away, he tried to run, but apparently his brain did not tell his legs as he ate it and bloodied his nose against the van, all the while vomit trickling down his face and jacket. Some of it had even pooled in the folds of his excessively sagging pants. After the impromptu photo shoot the paramedics strapped him to the stretcher loaded him in the back and allowed MSU Police to write him his well deserved and hard earner Minor in Possession Ticket.

TWO:

This story comes from East Lansing this past weekend during the Michigan v. Michigan State game. An enjoyable tailgate preceded a Spartan victory, and by most standards was a pretty good day up to that point. The most noteworthy event from the tailgate was a friend being ticketed for urinating in public. After the game a number of people post up at our friend's apartment to rest, eat, and watch the Tigers choke away the division. Around 6:30 the decision is made and drinking commences once again, while plans for the night are formulated. Around 8:30 we make our way to the bar, with plans to head to a party afterwards. At this point it is known to all that one of our friends is real messed when he accosts a bicyclist and challenges him to a fight for no apparent reason, liter of Rich and Rare in hand. The biker is pissed but knows better seeing 10 of us and his only his gay self on a bike. Some point during the trip the intoxicated fellow and a few others in our group meet up with some broad, while the rest of us go to bar.

Periodically through the night we receive texts and pics of the hammered one's status, and eventually we learn that he had to be escorted back to our friend's apartment, where he is passed out in his bed butt naked. Why he was naked, I have no idea. Most likely he puked all over himself. After a long and uneventful night that included spotting TJ Duckett with a pretty nerdy entourage, we headed back to our friend's apartment to call it a night. There we find our friend, naked, caked in vomit, and evidence of projectile vomiting on the walls, sheets, and pillow. Someone writes "insert here" with an arrow pointing to his bare ass. Another draws a penis on his face. A good laugh is had, but is quickly interrupted when the dude snaps to, jumps to his feet and starts punching the wall. He is screaming "okay motherfuckers!" over and over. He chases us out of the room and into the living area. We are pretty much stunned at this point. He gets right into one of our friend's face and starts punching the wall all the while yelling "motherfucker!" Then he beelines for the door, trips, and knocks his girlfriend over. He runs out and we each ask each other what the fuck just happened. We then realize there is a naked man running through the streets of East Lansing, and that he will most likely be arrested shortly. Some set out to find him, I sat on the couch and laughed hysterically.

A short time later he is found in the apartment's laundry room, passed out leaning on a windowsill. His girlfriend cleans him up, while he gives us death stares, clenching his fist. We contemplate sleeping in one hour intervals, and hiding the knives. The next morning we survey the damage. There is blood on the walls, but no holes. We are convinced the guy has a broken hand, but to our surprise he just has no skin on his knuckles. We expected some of that explosive rage to spill over into the next morning when he saw the dick on his face, but he was cool and had a good laugh.

THREE:

This one is a combination FAILGATE/SOFTBALL Failure without the softball. A bunch of my friends and I were fortunate enough to score tickets to an early December Philadelphia Eagles game against Seattle in '07. The birds were going through a mediocre season; sitting at 5-6 with AJ Feeley at the helm. Needless to say, our mission that day was to get shit faced and yell obscenities at our unproductive back up QB.

We started out early, leaving for the stadium at 7am to get a jump on the festivities. Perhaps, in hindsight, the first sign of debauchery came soon after our arrival. It became apparent that two of us had forgotten to relieve our bowels and a bee line was made for the nearest portable toilet. I was quite disgusted by this event, as I consider going #2 in a port-o-john a major violation of the human code (I stood in line at a CVS for over an hour at the Phillies parade to do my business). Anyway, after the second guy came out of the crapatory, a female proceeded to open the door, walk in, and, after literally one second, bolted out with a look on her face as if she had just seen and smelled a rotting dead body.

Over the course of the next few hours we met up with another group where we huddled around a fire, fried some meats, and had a generally tame time. Around the 9:30 mark, a friend of mine, we'll call him Matt, started a round of shot guns. And then he started another, and another, and another. I would guess that about eight beers were shot gunned in the span of two hours. While Matt was feeling good, belting out Sixers basketball theme songs, our other friend, we'll call him Byron, was not doing so hot. At one point, Byron decided it would be a good time to run some routes. The first route was a fly pattern and our friend the QB led Byron about 5 yards into the woods where he tripped and landed head first into a pricker bush.

For most people, this embarrassing fall would be a wake up call that maybe its time to tone things down a bit. But not for Byron, he continued to quench his thirst for Natty Light up until it was time to head into the game. We all started to pack things up and make our way for the Linc. About 30 seconds into our walk, Byron called out everyone in our group, challenging them to bring him down. I went first and my 5'8" 155 pound frame was unable to get the job done. This small victory really got Byron pumped up and he was ready for the next challenger. Unfortunately for him, that next challenger happened to be a former all state high school Offensive Lineman. Surprisingly, Byron's initial stiff arm was quite effective, but it only lasted for a few seconds. All the beer muscles in the world couldn't keep him standing upright and he slowly crashed to the ground. He stayed on the ground. He couldn't get up and we all thought he was faking, trying to blame his failure on a made up injury.

Well it turns out he wasn't faking. The poor guy broke his leg and needed surgery to get 6 screws inserted into the bone. I accompanied Byron and the guy that did the damage to the hospital (via police car) where we watched the first half in the emergency room, drinking some left over beers all the while. When Byron went in to be treated we hopped in the first cab we saw to get back to the game. We still got to see AJ Feeley throw three interceptions, including one at the end of the game at the goal line (Eagles lost 28-24)! Byron was released from the hospital before the game ended and met us in the parking lot, but not before embarrassing himself one last time. He hit a patch of ice and did a split with his crutches, much to the delight of the otherwise disappointed crowd.

FOUR:

Around 2001 in my early twenties two high school buddies and I along with my brother in-law took a bus trip to see Notre Dame play USC in South Bend. A friend of my father ran the trip and we leave on Wednesday evening and drive 12 hours straight through the night in a bus full of kegs and Delaware Counties (just outside Philly for your readers) finest white alcoholics. I could give you ten stories about the bus(delaware countians are one step above kenzo's) and the shithole that is Elkhart Indiana where we and the visiting team stayed but in the interest of time I will focus on one 12 hour span involving my brother in-law who is a few years older then me and was supposed to be the more mature member of our party. Its Friday(that's right this drunken episode happens a full day before the game) and the bus drops us off at the stadium at ten in the morning. At that point you can either go to the college football hall of fame or drink. CFHF blows so we decide to go to the Quarterback Club bar (the one with the billboard trashing Weiss recently) and drink as much as we can before the pep rally that night. By noon we're shitfaced. The QB club is similar to any other hole in the wall dive that never fixes itself up regardless of how much cash it makes. My Bro in law ends up playing pool for money with some Indiana locals sporting full mullets and Nascar hats. He's getting slaughtered for $20 a game due to the fact he sucks at pool along with being hammered. The hick opponent has just the 8 ball left and I'll never forget that Benny and the Jets is on the jukebox. That's important because my Brother in law being an asshole drunk leans over and sticks his face right over the 8 ball just as the guys about to hit the cue ball to win the game and sings\screams "BeBeBeBenny and the Jetsss!". The hick is so pissed he drills the cue ball across the table at the 8 as hard as he can and it hits with such force the cue ball hops up and hits my brother in law(who's less then 6 inches above the felt) straight in the face to the extent you can hear it ricochet off his teeth. Somehow the 8 ball goes right in the corner pocket and I witness the greatest pool shot of all time. We fall down with laughter and my Brother in law pays up the $20 while checking to see if he has all his teeth. Believing we are not long for an ass kicking by some locals we decide to go to the campus to see whats going on. Its only 1 PM and we are barely coherent walking across the field hockey fields and all the sudden my brother in law gets a nose bleed, no idea if the cue ball caused it or what. He runs to a conveniently located porta potty to get some toilet paper to clean up with. He comes out of the john believing he's stopped the bleeding and is ready to rejoin society. In fact he has blood smeared all over his face top to bottom and looks like a serial killer after he satiated his blood lust. Picture Mel Gibson in "Braveheart" during the battle scenes with all the war paint on. We again fall down laughing as William Wallace looks at us like we are crazy. He gets pissed and decides to go back to the bar because he's too cool for us. God knows what happened to him after that. My buddies and I go to campus, find a beer garden selling fucking Heineken pounders in the middle of some quad and continue to get our drink on and stare at coeds out of our league until the pep rally starts at six o'clock. Some how some way the great one Wayne motherfucking Gretzky is the surprise speaker at the pep rally. It was every white boys dream. After one of the coolest events I've been to we all file back to the bus and I'm a little worried where my "chaperon" is at since the bus is about to leave for our hotel without him. Luckily we get back on the bus and he's passed out in a seat with a less blood stained face. I shake him awake and scream "Wayne fucking Gretzky!!!" right in his face. Notre Dame and the Edmonton Oilers aren't really synonymous with each other so he refuses to believe us and for the rest of the trip thinks we had the the whole bus in on the joke that he missed Gretzky at the pep rally. That was the last time ND beat USC and my brother in law is now sober so it turned out to be a great weekend for all.

Attention tailgaters. It's a long season so please help us with this project and send along any and all shady stories, ridiculous videos, and photos from your tailgating experiences from this season. Or last season. Or 1952. Just make it funny/sad/gross/shocking. Email to tips@deadspin.com. Subject: FAILgate

The Hall of Fame is literally just a hallway in the back of Cobo Center, a place that most Michiganders avoid like Fort Wayne. (The only thing useful that ever happens there is the Detroit Auto Show.) Because there is no building and (obviously) no money coming in, the directors must have mistakenly believed that did not have to file taxes for the last three years, so now they're under investigation by the state Attorney General's office. Four board members, including the Chairman, resigned last week as a result. So now, their genius idea to escape financial ruin is to sell the bronze plaques that honor the state's greatest sports legends.

Of course, if you sell the bronze plaques then you don't really have a Hall of Fame, do you? You just have a hallway. Then again, that's more than most business in the state of Michigan can say these days. That poor, poor state.

Michigan Sports Hall of Fame sidelined by debt [Detroit Free Press]

Included in the list were Cleveland Browns wideout (and blog expert) Braylon Edwards, Kid Rock, some random reality show people, and ESPN's Belvedere-chugging "First Take" host, Dana Jacobson. MLive.com was at the event and noted that Edwards didn't come to play nice - especially with poor Dana:

Sometimes girls would play. They weren't very good, but the unwritten rule was always to let them shoot. Most in this game followed that code, allowing the two girls, Jacobson and Haglund, as well as Faris (not a girl, but he was on Project Runway, so that should tell you his basketball skill level) to shoot unimpeded when they had the ball. Well, Edwards wasn't playing nice and as Jacobson launched a shot, Edwards threw it back across halfcourt, allowing someone on his team (I think Terrell) to get a breakaway layup.

They also had a chance to snag Jacobson for a couple of quick questions, including this one about her unique relationship with blogs:

MLive: You had really weird incidents with blogs, any hard feelings carrying over from that?

DJ: Nope. No. No.

Stirring. Unfortunately, no photos of the after party surfaced at this point. I'm sure here and Kid Rock just got along famously at that thing.

Field trip to Curtis Granderson's Celebrity Shootout [MLive]

1." Did they block the Lions game out again?" (I say I have no idea that I'm from Nashville and just landed in Michigan.) "Oh well, it doesn't matter. Fuck the Lions. I'd rather watch whoever else is playing anyway."

2." The Lions are up 17-0? Damn. Wonder how long it will take them to lose that lead?"

3. "Do you care if we change the channel for just a sec. to see what they're saying about the auto bailout?"

4. "You're from Tennessee? I wish Rodriguez would move to Tennessee and die."

5. "Did you know Ford had to buy the Thanksgiving game tickets this year because no one was buying them? They're selling them to employees for $30 each. I heard no one is buying them even though that's less than half what they actually cost. Boy, when I was a kid that Thanksgiving game was the best."

So be thankful you aren't a sports fan from Michigan. And if you are a sports fan from Michigan? Yeah, sorry, you're screwed. On to the college football round-up.

Oklahoma toasted Texas Tech. Just one day after I announced I had a crush on Mike Leach. This game was kind of like going for a piss, opening the bathroom door, and seeing your crush ski-poling two random guys she met at a fraternity party. Even still, in the great "Will it be, Leach, Brian Kelly, or Lane Kiffin as the next UT coach-debate?", I'm with Leach.

Also, Brent Musberger attempting to pronounce Beyonce's name during the promos for the American Music Awards should put an end to the old-announcers attempt to read promos business. Just put it on the screen. Also, was I the only person who thought that while he discussed the Beyonce mispronunciation Herbstreit was thinking, "I could bang Beyonce if I wanted to." It was the subtext of the entire conversation.

Finally, granted Texas Tech got destroyed, but all they need is an Oklahoma loss on the road at Oklahoma State and they win the tiebreak over Texas head to the Big 12 Title Game. Win that and wouldn't it be hard to put Texas in above them in the BCS Title Game?

Washington State wins in overtime over Washington. The only thing better than a game between two teams who have combined for one win? An overtime game that ends with one team missing a short field goal and the other team making one.

Penn State contributed to the continued collapse of Michigan's self-esteem by beating the only decent team in the state. We've spent enough time on this. Congrats to Penn State on their first Rose Bowl in 14 years. Condolences on Joe Pa announcing he's returning for a 44th season. Meanwhile, Michigan was destroyed by Ohio State to put a merciful end to their season. The Terrelle Pryor Rich Rod picture will never die.

Charlie Weis is a genius! Did anyone else see the snowballs that someone threw right after the missed field goal at the end of Notre Dame's loss to Syracuse? Was this supposed to be a celebratory snowball? Because somehow that snowball bursting open when it landed on the field was the perfect metaphor for the Weis era at Notre Dame. Well, okay, not as good of a metaphor as Weis getting wrecked on the sideline against Michigan, but close.

Also, how many more years does NBC Sports have to pretend they still have a sports department by showing Notre Dame games? Remember back when NBC Sports had the NBA and the NFL? Doesn't that seem like it never happened now? I know NBC has Sunday Night Football, but there's something about their sports coverage that seems wistful for 1988. Even down to the dark, Seinfeld-esque color schemes in their telecasts. Not as wistful as Notre Dame fans are for 1988 or in believing that Urban Meyer will leave Florida to come be their coach, but close.

Tennessee beat Vanderbilt despite passing for only 22 yards. We didn't complete a pass in the entire first half. Four different people played quarterback for Tennessee. Only one of them completed a pass (unless you count Jonathan Crompton's interception on his only pass attempt). There's no existing film from UT's games back in the 1930's. Now, at least I have an idea what the offense would have looked like in person.

Oregon State is a win over Oregon away from their first Rose Bowl since 1965. Lucky for the Rose Bowl that game would be a rematch. This is perfect. Anyone who favors a college football playoff should root for the Rose Bowl to get screwed every year. The bastards think their single game is more important than the rest of college football. Enjoy.

Maryland controlled their own destiny in the and got waxed by Florida State; Miami had the Atlantic Division wrapped up and got destroyed as well. Now I think Boston College controls their own fate. So if they beat Maryland, they're in. But if they lose Florida State is in. So at least there's some finality there. Same with Virginia Tech, win and they're in. Swell, a rematch between two teams that were better last year. To see who gets waxed by another team in the BCS.

Cincinnati and Brian Kelly are headed to the BCS provided they can get the win over Syracuse. Did anyone else think Erin Andrews was slamming the Cincinnati fans every time she did a sideline report. At least twice she pointed out that the fans weren't excited enough. I think this was her revenge for being sent to a night game in Cincinnati in November.

Utah beat BYU and is now 12-0. They're up to number 6 in the BCS standings. What's the route to the BCS Title Game for Utah? I'll tell you. Alabama loses to Auburn, Florida loses to Florida State then beats Alabama in the SEC Title Game. Oklahoma loses to Oklahoma State, Texas Tech loses to Baylor, and Texas loses to Missouri in the Big 12 Title Game. Then, I think, Utah would play USC for the BCS Championship. See, Ute fans, the BCS is an infallible and fair system. You've got a shot too!

You know how it is, one moment you’re drinking beers as fast as you can to try and make the memories of Tennessee’s loss to Wyoming disappear and the next moment you look up and watch Texas Tech score touchdown after touchdown against Oklahoma State. Touchdown after touchdown without their players being touched. I’ll admit it, it was breathtaking, I couldn’t speak. Like being 14 all over again and watching Steve Spurrier’s Fun ‘N Gun offense move up and down the field. One moment I’m contemplating committing hari kari with a bayonet attached to the end of Davy Crockett’s musket and the next minute, I’m imagining the Tennessee River outside Neyland Stadium as one glorious fusillade of pirate ships. Black pirate flags taken over by orange, women dressed in orange-pirated finery-cutlasses sheathed in their orange garters. Maybe even a coach (you, Mike, you!) on the sideline wearing a coonskin cap. It could happen, I'm not just dreaming.

Maybe it’s because we’re both lawyers. Or because we both like pirates. Either way I can tell, I just know, that we’re made for each other, Mike. I didn’t know it in the past. Oh, there were hints, like the Michael Lewis article for the New York Times , our mutual affinity for Daniel Boone, and the fact that you graduated from law school and realized you didn’t want to really be a lawyer. Or even the fact that the first book I ever got specially ordered was Look Out for Pirates.

I’d been obsessed with the book for months, checking it out over and over again at the local Goodlettsville Library. Finally my mom ordered it for me as a birthday present. From Walden Books at Rivergate Mall. Ordering books back in those days was a big deal. I still laugh at all the people who complain about Barnes&Noble and Borders killing independent booksellers. Please. When I grew up Walden Books was the only bookstore within twenty miles of my house. They had like forty-five books in the entire store and 18 of them had to do with cooking. (The other 27 were Bible reading-guides.) Getting a decent book was a laborious process. After weeks of asking your mom if the book was here yet, you got a telephone call, your book had arrived!

That day I walked into Rivergate Mall in Goodlettsville, Tennessee positively giddy with excitement. There it was, my very own book. Wrapped in brown-paper behind the desk. The employee handed it to me and I ripped it open. The glorious blue cover, the swords, the pirates, the sunken treasure. It was all pretty spectacular. Just like your offense Mike, just like your offense.

And now, I can’t help but hope we’ve come full circle. I’m rooting for you to lose Mike, but it’s nothing personal. Come Saturday night I’ll be hunkered down in front of my flat-screen television. I’m cutting out pictures of you and drawing hearts on them, Mike. My wife won't let me put them on the ceiling but I'm keeping them in a trapper-keeper by my nightstand.

Oh, and I’m not wearing any pants during the game. I hope you don’t mind. Pants are just so constricting. You’re the dreamiest, Mike, the dreamiest.

Would you be mine, could you be mine, won't you be, my pirate?

Coughs.

I might have gotten a little carried away there. On to the breakdown of the rest of the most intriguing games of the weekened.

Michigan at Ohio State (-21)- Rich Rod doesn't want to you watch this game. He thinks you suck because you care so much about a stupid football game. Why don't you go repair cleft palates or circumcise babies or give all your time and effort to ending the discord between Sunnis and Shiites in Iraq? That's what Rich Rod does every morning. As soon as he finishes internet hunting with the click of a mouse (I have no idea why but I'm convinced Rich Rod is big on internet hunting), he hops in a plane, flies to Africa and spends the day digging wells in the fetid heat. Without even taking his malaria pills. And all you people want him to do is win football games? You sicken Rich Rod, sicken him.

Seriously though, wouldn't it be great if Michigan boosters filed suit on behalf of West Virginia to try and enforce the original West Virginia contract and send Rich Rod back to Morgantown? Even if the suit immediately got dismissed because there was no privity of contract, I think this would be a great move by a Michigan-fan lawyer.

Washington (-7) at Washington State- Signs your football team is in disarray: your most hated rival comes to your house to play, they have not won a game all season, have fired their coach, and...Washington is still favored by a touchdown. That's low, really low. You know what's lower? Washington has a bye week after this game before they play Cal. So the entire team has to sit around for another week and wait to finish out the season by getting the shit kicked out of them. Remember when the bully yelled he was going to kick your ass just as the bus pulled away to begin Thanksgiving break, and then you spent all of Thanksgiving terrified because you knew the bully meant it? Washington's bye week before Cal is the college football version.

Michigan State at Penn State (-15.5)- Penn State wins the Big Ten with a victory here. Is it just me or since the Iowa loss is it like Penn State doesn't even exist anymore? If you'd told Penn State fans before the season started they'd win the Big Ten, they'd have been ecstatic. Now, they're kicking snow drifts and hoping that Iowa kicker dies of lockjaw.

Meanwhile, Michigan State might be the only bright spot in the entire state of Michigan. The auto companies are imploding, Michigan and the Lions are a combined 3-18, AI isn't working for the Pistons, it's fucking cold, and no one has enough money for Christmas. And now the Spartans are going to get kicked in the teeth as a prelude for Thanksgiving. I can't wait to arrive on Sunday afternoon.

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati (-6)- Last night while I was watching Georgia Tech rush for 472 yards, 472! (They passed for 46. That stat-line is like something from 1954. If you're Miami do you just burn the tape from this game?), I kept seeing the score for Pitt and Cincinnati flashing on the screen. For about five minutes I thought this game was taking place on Thursday Night and I was trying to figure out how I'd missed this fact. Then I remembered the NFL was back on Thursdays again and that for six weeks out of the year Rich Eisen was relevant. (Isn't it funny how much the NFL Network overhypes the Thursday night game after it's over? It's the only reason the network exists. It's really kind of pathetic. They remind me of the kid I knew in elementary school who took a family vacation to Fort Campbell, Kentucky and spent the next year telling everyone stats about Fort Campbell.)

Anyway, Cincy wins the Big East if they win this game. Lose and the championship will come down to Pitt.-West Virginia. The internet is alive with rumors that Brian Kelly will be the new coach at UT. I don't buy it. But if he is, here's a tip for the rest of the SEC, we just hired a coach who married a woman named Paqui. Do with this what you must.

Tennessee at Vanderbilt (-3.5)- Vanderbilt has never been favored over Tennessee in recorded history. I'll be there writing a book. Another fun fact, Tennessee and Ohio State are the only two schools to never have lost 8 games in a football season. Vandy is favored to make this the worst season in the history of Tennessee. Yep, this is my life.

Oregon State at Arizona (-2.5)- Oregon State's march towards their first Rose Bowl since 1965 continues...maybe. Don't you know that Mike Riley stays awake at night watching film from their opening game of the season, a 36-28 Thursday night loss at Stanford? Win that game and all he'd have to do is split his final two to end up in the Rose Bowl. Oregon State has won 8 of the last 9 over Arizona. Can they make it 9 of 10? The 'Hoff hopes not.

Florida State (-1) at Maryland- If Maryland wins they retain control of the Atlantic Division. If they lose...who the fuck knows. Remember when you played little league and every kid had to bat? Even the kid who used his baseball cap as the fin on the shark he made out of dirt in the dugout? Yeah, whoever wins the ACC is officially this kid in the BCS.

Utah (-7) v. BYU- True or false, Utah is the Beehive State? Utah is currently #7 in the BCS and can complete a perfect regular season with a win over BYU. Something they haven't done since 2005. You'd think this will get them in the BCS. Hopefully against Cincinnati. So ESPN can do the math and realize they just paid $20 million for this game. That's more than Pam Ward's penis cost.

Texas Tech at Oklahoma (-6.5)- I can't wait to watch this game. No matter what happens you know this game is going to be entertaining. Bradford and Harrell, Crabtree and Iglesias. It's like Christmas in November. Only with more alcohol and less pants.

But, before we get to the weekend's six most interesting games, a bit more on USC-Oregon State. I hope you got a chance to watch. Thank God for Thursday night football. Otherwise this game would have kicked off on whatever crappy Fox affiliate carries the game, you'd have seen a score update sometime around 11 and started madly flipping through your cable channels to find out whether or not you even got the game. Only to find out that you don't get the station. Or if you did get it, you'd already be out the bar wallowing in your own team's loss or celebrating their victory. Thanks to the Thursday broadcast we at least had the opportunity to watch what went down.

Games like this are what make college football the most unpredictable sport in America. Oregon State was a 25 point underdog. In the entire NFL season there won't be a 25 point underdog. The crowd was out of control, Oregon State got a couple of good breaks (a would-be interception turns into a touchdown pass with four seconds left in the first half?) and USC proves their mortal.

Why do I enjoy watching and writing so much about college football? For the way momentum takes over the game. College players are held sway by the powers of their emotions much more than professional players. And a huge part of that is college crowds. Did you see how crazy the Oregon State students were? It was a mosh pit that featured a football game. There's a purity to this sporting emotion, a fullness to the hate. I firmly believe that Oregon State students hate USC. Their perceived arrogance, their perfect tans, their sunglasses, their fake breasts, their jock-itch, their Song Girls, and their constant ESPN-fellation. So much distate is manufactured for public consumption these days that I just don't believe most of it. When it comes to college games, I believe it.

It's rare that I watch a sporting event featuring teams I don't care about and think, "Man, I wish I was there." Last night I wished I was in Corvallis, Oregon. Corvallis. Forget pointing to Corvallis, I couldn't even point to the correct region on a map of Oregon. And neither could you. But last night, I wish I was there. And so do you. Anyway, here's your primer on the six most intriguing games of the weekend

UConn at Louisville (-2.5)- Apologies to the UConn fans who have been emailing asking how I haven't noted UConn's inexorable rise to Big East dominance. UConn's 4-0 but looked bad against Baylor last week. Louisville is 2-1 since their debacle at home against Kentucky. Why is this game worth watching? Because the line jumped out at me and because last year's game featured that immortal called fair-catch that turned into a punt return touchdown. This play was the difference for last year's UConn win. Anyway, this is another strange UConn line. Louisville is favored even though they haven't done much of anything this season. Does UConn have the strangest lines of any team so far this season? I think so.

Arkansas at Texas (-27)- Arkansas fans are sitting in their outhouses, tearing pages off the old Sears and Roebuck catalogs repeating over and over again, "Bobby Petrino is an offensive genius," "Bobby Petrino is an offensive genius,", "Bobby Petrino is an offensive genius." Which makes them all sort of sound like elementary school kids saying they don't believe in the Bell Witch while they turn around in circles in front of a mirror. (Did people only do this in the South?) The theory was that a reflection of the Bell Witch would appear in the mirror. Anyway, what do both of these scenerios have in common? Merely saying the same thing over and over again, doesn't make it so. Arkansas is the worst team in the SEC by a wide margin. Should be some fireworks. Unfortunately for Arkansas, they couldn't refuse to reschedule this game after Ike.

Marshall at West Virginia (-15)- If Bill Stewart found a way to lose this game would he survive the night in Morgantown/Deadwood? I don't think so. What's more, I think it would turn into one of those The Wire-esque murders where everyone in the whole stadium knew what happened, why it happened, and who the shooter was but no one would talk. Come Sunday morning a few weary souls just trudge up the muddy hillside overlooking town and pound in an old wooden cross, say a few words ("A lifetime ago, Bill Stewart beat Oklahoma. Them was the days.") and life moves on. But, surely, surely, Bill Stewart isn't going to follow up road losses to East Carolina and Colorado with a home loss to Marshall, right? West Virginia fans would respond if they weren't so busy digging out their end-times shelter and restocking it with pork and beans.

Tennessee at Auburn (-6.5)- The reason I'm in Birmingham is to head over to this game. Going to Tennessee games is becoming like Chinese water torture. You know the drip of watery failure is coming, you're just not sure when. Will my team fumble inside the five, get a punt blocked for a touchdown or allow a punt-return for a touchdown, false start on a key third down play or jump offsides on a key third down play, there are so many questions and so few answers. Having said all that, anyone who has a clue what's going to happen in this game is a fool. The only certainty is it's going to be like two bingo winged Florida chicks kissing, painful yet you cannot look away. True story, former Auburn offensive coordinator Al Borges was at last week's LSU game and sat in the stands quizzically staring down at the field. Thinking, "You fired me for this?"

Wisconsin (-6) at Michigan- Michigan and Tennessee's lockstop of college football awkwardness continues for yet another season. These programs are mirror images of one another. As I've said before, Michigan and Tennessee are to college football what dry humping is to sex. Both teams get you worked up and excited and then, inevitably, let you down and leave you chafed. There's a really good double entendre here with the spread offense but I'm just not seeing it. Anyway, Wisconsin is the last, greatest hope of the Big Ten not named Terrelle Pryor.

At some point Michigan has to recognize that their defense isn't that bad and stop forcing the offense to give away points running an ill-suited scheme, right? Just to keep the games close. Probably not, but they should. If you're a Wisconsin fan this line being so low is a bit alarming. You're having your best season in a decade, Michigan is having their worst, and Michigan is still only a six point underdog?

Alabama at Georgia (-6.5)- Georgia fraternity guy riding through campus in his Toyota 4-Runner discussing the game: "Oh My Fucking God, Georgia is wearing black! Woof, woof! Oh My Fucking God, Georgia is wearing black! Woof, woof. Turn up the Dave Matthews, dude. Oh My Fucking God, Georgia is wearing black!"

Did you hear that Georgia is wearing black jerseys? That's huge. They're having a blackout. Which is different than keeping black's out of the game. That would limit the offensive explosiveness. Hopefully no one makes the latter mistake in a show of excessive blackout glee.

Without a doubt this is Saturday's best game. If Georgia wins they're number one in the country, if Alabama wins do they have a legit argument that they should be number one in the country? Maybe. But, remember, Alabama's strength coach thinks Georgia's wearing black because they're going to a fucking funeral.

(It's at the 1:04 mark and is kind of hard to hear. Not so hard to hear that Mark Richt hasn't run with this and been appearing dressed entirely in black for his press conferences.)

Strength coaches are the craziest bastards connected to sports. Seriously, they are. Usually you don't get to hear what they say because it's so graphic even 18 year old football players are like, "Man, I don't think he should have said that."

1. Charlie Weis and Tom Brady go down in consecutive weeks with knee injuries. Remember that horrible movie Final Destination where death stalked all those kids? I think they even did a sequel. Is anyone else starting to think that's what Spygate is like? Weis getting wrecked on the sideline was just like that kid stepping in front of the bus and getting killed as he tried to cross the street. If I was Bill Belichick, I'd have my head on a swivel next week.

2. Does anyone else have one single friend who's approaching 30 and keeps going out to the same bar you've been going out to for the past 8 years and still runs the same pick-up a girl offense, only now it's not working at all? My friend Kelly is a Michigan grad and spent Saturday watching Michigan attempt to run the spread offense. He's argued with me that it was time for a change of offensive philosophies. Then, he pointed to our friend, standing alone and woefully adrift in front of a live band, and said, "See, the old offense just isn't working anymore." This would have been more effective if Michigan had looked the least bit competent, but, even still, the analogy is almost perfect. At least none of my friends are the only guy at the bar with a gray goatee. It's been my experience that gray goatee is always there. If you haven't noticed this then you might be the guy at the bar with the gray goatee. Condolences.

3. Post-game interview where Jimmy Clausen stares down the camera directly and made your blood run cold. I'm trying to figure out why this is making me so uncomfortable and then it hits me: Jimmy Clausen is Draco Malfoy. If you have no idea who Draco Malfoy is, email me and you can have my balls. You deserve them.

4. Friday night, while you were out drinking and forgot about the game like I told you would happen on Thursday, USF's freshman kicker nailed a 43 yard field goal to beat Kansas. This was the game of the weekend and you forgot about it even though you spent all day Thursday trying to remind yourself not to forget. You suck. See, alcohol does kill brain cells.

5. South Carolina and Georgia. I listened to this game driving back from UAB-Tennessee on Saturday. It was impossible to find for at least an hour. Why are football game so impossible to find on the radio? Anyway, biggest question of the day, why is Spurrier shuttling in Stephen Garcia at all? I don't get this. Smelley is on his way to throwing for 300 yards and you bring in a redshirt freshman who has already been charged with 19 felonies since he arrived on campus. Including keying a professor's car? He proceeds to take two sacks. Mind-boggling.

6. Biggest upset of the week: Maryland over Cal. Cal was a 16 point favorite. Maryland lost to Middle Tennessee state last weekend. Yet, get a 12:00 kickoff rolling, get Cal's players out of bed at roughly 4 in their morning their time, and things can fall apart in a hurry. Why don't Pac-10 teams insist on later kickoffs when they travel all the way across the country? This is the only thing I'd be concerned about the contract. Write it in there and then sign. Or set the return game for 1 in the morning east coast time. But even that isn't really effective because college kids would prefer this anyway. So, basically, if you're from the west coast you have to refuse to play in this game.

7. Speaking of MTSU, you probably haven't seen how Kentucky's game against MTSU ended because it was on something called the Big Blue Network and Tim Couch was taking a break from having sex fourteen times on Saturday to call the game. In fact, when you watch the footage below you'll note that the Big Blue Network managed to miss the actual tipped-ball catch. Setting the scene, less than thirty seconds remain and UK is leading 20-14. They've lined up to attempt a field goal that will ice the game. Enjoy.

Kentucky fans still haven't recovered from this. Almost LSU redux. I still have no idea how the Kentucky db reacted so quickly to make this tackle inside the one. Thankfully the camera man wasn't responsible for deep coverage.

8. One note on the UT-UAB game, for the first time in my life the UT crowd booed players. Up until five years ago you didn't hear booing of any sort at the game. No matter what the result was. And there were some bad results. Both Jonathan Cromption and tight end Luke Stocker (whose hands appeared to be made of granite and lack finger extensions were loudly booed during the third quarter). I don't get this at all. Anytime you boo college athletes, I think it's incredibly stupid. But the booing of college athletes in the second game of the season during a game they're winning? That's Florida Gator fan-level cluelessness there. Is it spreading?

9. The Mississippi State-Auburn game finished with a 3-2 score. That's only happened six times in college football hstory and only once in the past 50 years. It was televised on ESPN-2 and redefined the term "slugfest." If you've ever wondered what football in 1932 looked like, you should have watched this game. But here's the deal, Sly Croom made the dumbest decision of the week. Why in the world did he choose to go for a 4th and 15 late? When his offense hadn't even converted a single third down of any distance all game? Especially when he had the opportunity to try and pin Auburn deep and allow his defense to go for either another safety or at least force Auburn to punt from their end zone? This decision was baffling to me. It's fairly rare you see a coach make a decision this dumb. Ever.

10. UCLA gave up 59 points to BYU. Two weeks ago my team lost to UCLA. This week we play Florida. I can't explain how unsettling this is. I know the transitive property doesn't work in sports, but, still, uh oh. By the way, if you're doubting whether or not USC is going to run the table in the Pac-10 this year, Arizona, Arizona State, Washington State, Washington, Stanford, Cal and UCLA all lost non-conference games this weekend. And Oregon needed overtime to beat the 6th or 7th best Big Ten school, Purdue.

11. Vandy is now 3-0. They beat Rice behind the fleet feet of their white running back, Jared Hawkins. The white running back is the story of this year's college football season. Michigan has one, UCLA started one, and I'm sure there are others. Of course two of these three teams looked inept on offense, but I'm sure that's just a coincidence. Yep, 2008 is the year of the white running back. But, lest we all forget, injury to fat men on your football team, are just a play away. And if this happens, college kids will reenact the injury.

And Charlie Weis knows all about professionalism. Professionalism is calling Michigan players thugs, refusing to answer questions from the media, blaming your predecessor for your own personal failings, and reacting to any question that doesn't deify you as a personal insult. Man, aren't we all just incredibly lucky that the man holding down civility in America today is Charlie Weis? Seriously, though, not accepting apologies? What is this, the third grade?

Exclusive? Weis Accepted Apology Letter From Trey Wingo, Refused to Accept One From Dana Jacobson [The Big Lead]

Or at least 4 million dollars worth of West Virginia. Which, to be fair to mgoblog, is only 64% of the state.

After tons of legal manuevering (which all lawyers know means lots of huffy emails and angry telephone calls; those .4's add up in a hurry), Rich Rodriguez has agreed to pay the full buyout clause of his contract to West Virginia. And by Rich Rodriguez has agreed to pay what I actually mean is, the University of Michigan has agreed to pay most of it.

Rodriguez will pay $1.5 million, spread over three years, beginning in 2010. U-M said it will pay the balance of the sum, $2.5 million, immediately and cover Rodriguez’s legal fees later.

Awesome, there goes my wife's contribution to the Michigan athletic fund.

In other news, call me crazy, but I believe this Michigan story actually broke today. Fist pump! (above the waist)

U-M will pay $2.5 million of Rodriguez's $4 million buyout [Detroit Free Press]

It's enough money to buy the damn state [mgoblog]

Way back in 1997, student managers brought it to Lloyd Carr's attention that those witty rascals at Northwestern were stealing signals from the Michigan offense. Well, okay, maybe not so much stealing signals as noticing what a single player was doing. Perhaps this explains the memorable Northwestern upsets of Michigan in 1995 and 1996. But, three years later, come 1997, Michigan was on to that trick.

"In 1995 and '96, Hansburg said, all he had to do was watch U-M center Rod Payne, a one-handed snapper who apparently placed his opposite hand on the ground for a running play and on his thigh for a passing play.

When the Northwestern coaches pointed at the ground or the sky, All-America linebacker Pat Fitzgerald spread the word on the field."

Wait, that's it? When I heard Northwestern and stealing, I was picturing the Manhattan Project of thievery, the Patriots of college football. Maybe some whale sonar, a few pink dolphins on the sideline, Wilbon from the press box via morse code, something. Meanwhile all Michigan had to do to was stop Rod Payne (one-handed snapper is right up there with putting from the rough in terms of sporting term awkwardness) from not giving away the play for, I don't know, one time in three years? Write it down folks, attention to detail like this is how you end up the winningest program of all time in college football.

Anyway, in glorious detail the Detroit Free Press manages to lionize the student managers who got to the bottom of this complex mystery. It's every slow white man's dream to be affiliated with a national championship and be photographed in the Heisman pose while holding a coaching headset. Trust me, I know why the student manager sings.

This story reads like young adult fiction.

"At home games, Datz and Mike Youtan, a senior from southern California, worked the opponents' sideline as ball boys, keeping their mouths shut and staying out of the way.

Until the fifth game."

Dum, dum, dum.
How 2 ball boys stopped opponent's signal stealing, saved U-M's 1997 title [Detroit Free Press]

Blah blah blah. I don't know, I mean, is it more offensive that he's actually dead now or more offensive when he was alive? Remember when Anthrax had to deal with this in 2001? Did they fold when their ironic nickname became a bit too real? Not a fucking chance. (Ecnahcgnikcufaton!)

I understand that Bo's death was very traumatic for these guys, but come on , now — even if you're a fake punk band that sings dopey songs about Ohio State football it still requires you to have some semblance of a penis.

DS Now Named Bastard Sons of Woody [DeadSchembechlers]

Chuck Norris is at the Texas game promoting the "World Combat League." - Tom Fornelli

Vandy's head coach looks like a more-in-shape Burt Bacharach. - Brandon Picchierri

Vandy's QB is holding on to his balls too much. - Ronnie P

Chris Speilman on teaching kids how to catch: "You take a football, and you start firin' that ball at the kids' heads, in their faces, their hands come up and they learn to catch a ball with their hands." - Hoya01

Chad Henne's parents dared him to get a tattoo in 8th grade, so he did. That's ... healthy parenting. - derekjw203

Can somebody please tell me if the Florida State/Miami is going to be nationally televised? If only ESPN would tell us... - j.p.

Grambling State has a Mystikal song in the background of their promotional school commercial. - Danks

Idaho: The only major college football played in the state of Idaho that's not on a blue field. - William

The color analyst in the Grambling/Hampton game (I don't know who it is) compared the spread offense to the Northwestern offense and the departed Randy "Williams." No effort to correct it. Nice job, nameless announcer. - GrudensBrother

Update: The analyst in Brian Kinchen, an LSU grad who caught 55 passes for the Ravens in 1996. The LSU part may explain it all. - GrudensBrother

Steve Breaston still plays for Michigan? Holy shit. Does he have his law degree yet? - big daddy drew

Sign seen on ABC's pregame: "Brady Quinn plays the skin flute." - Matt from Ohio

Just wanted to do a follow up on the Michigan fans supposedly making MSU fans hold up the signs that spelled GO BLUE in the Izzone. I talked to multiple people who were at the game and even a few who were in the Izzone who did not see or hear anything about the signs. Also, upon further review it really looks like the photos are altered by photoshop. No one else has reported anything like this happening either. Just wondering if it is actually true.

From looking at the second photo (notthe first one, which was enhanced), it looks like it may have been true. But who knows what goes on in Michigan?

Those Lovable Michigan Scamps [Deadspin]

Well, according to more than one Deadspin tipster a highly involved(and evolved) prank was executed on the MSU student body over the weekend during Saturday's Michigan State/Michigan basketball game. Some students at the University of Michigan posed as Big 10 interns to distribute cards to unsuspecting Izzone darlings which were supposed to say "GO STATE." Instead, they said "GO BLUE".(The above picture is what it was supposed to look like.) One of the pranksters has given us full detail of how this time-consuming, maniacal prank was executed. Apparently, 625 members of the MSU student body held up the phony cards at one point, dumbfounded by the cruel Punk'd-like ruse set upon them:

"A ton of planning went into this (I spent a hell of a lot more time on this over the last week or so than I did on schoolwork), so I was a little disappointed with the actual outcome. We didn't have them hold the cards up for long enough, which made it tough for people in the arena to figure out what they said before the students took them down again. The cards weren't big enough, but that was because of cost reasons. And finally, you can tell in the pictures that a few people in the U moved around, and they completely mangled our E."

Damn E's. Read the full report after the jump and look at the actual picture, which, unfortunately, don't showcase the prank very well. Just read the Green sections on the high res picture and you can figure out what's going on. Kind of.

A few friends and I tricked the Izzone (MSU's student section) into holding up a card stunt that said "GO BLUE" before yesterday's game.
I snuck into the Breslin Center with 3 other UM students about an hour before the gates opened posing as Big Ten interns. We got in through an access tunnel and past a security desk without having to say a word.

When we walked out onto the court there were already a few doze Izzone members there passing out their materials. We talked to them
for a few minutes, letting them know about the Big Ten promotion that
was going to happen; they were all pretty excited, to the point of
offering to help us pass out the cards. We passed out 625 cards in
total. During the National Anthem, 625 Michigan State students held
up cards that they thought spelled out "GO STATE"...unfortunately for
them, it was "GO BLUE." A ton of planning went into this (I spent a hell of a lot more time on this over the last week or so than I did on schoolwork), so I was a little disappointed with the actual outcome. We didn't have them hold the cards up for long enough, which made it tough for people in the arena to figure out what they said before the students took them down again. The cards weren't big enough, but that was because of cost reasons. And finally, you can tell in the pictures that a few peopl in the U moved around, and they completely mangled our E.

Regardless,I still feel that we owned the Izzone.