Conference championships also lead to the absurd concept of divisions. Which leads to the even more absurd concept of divisional championships. Often (as with this year's Big 12 South and many years of the SEC East) the divisions arbitrarily divide the strong and weak teams. If the two or three best teams all come from the same division then you have a pointless match-up of one good team and one weaker team. By virtue of geography or whatever other arbitrary system of division exists (I'm looking at you ACC), the bst teams don't even play. Even better is the conference championship rematch—when one team that has clearly been superior all year gets to play the team everyone knows they're better than yet again. Only they have everything to lose and the team they're playing has nothing to lose. And all of this doesn't even consider the end of rivalry games that used to be huge. For example when I was growing up Tennessee and Auburn was a classic contest. Now? It's relegated to the dustbin of rotating divisional opponents. On to the previews.

USC (-33) at UCLA- I know, I know, the Pac-10 teams play nine conference games so they shouldn't have to play a conference championship game. I disagree. Either every league should play them or none should. But the ninth game is why the Pac 10 has an entire conference slate this week while most conferences are already finished. The most enticing aspect of this game is the red jersey for one timeout trade that Pete Carroll is working. What's astounding to me about this entire gambit is that there's an NCAA rule about this. You could have given a hundred intelligent college football fans the NCAA rulebook and none of them would have thought of what the penalty should be if one team wears the wrong color uniform. Ever. Yet the NCAA, in their infinite wisdom, has considered this eventuality and the penalty that should ensue if this rule is broken. Score one for the NCAA! Determine an adequate way to crown a champion? Fail. Discipline a team for wearing the wrong color uniform? Pass. That's awesome.

Cincinnati (-7.5) at Hawaii- Top sign you never expected your team to advance to a BCS bowl game. Or, perhaps, any bowl game at all: You schedule a trip to Hawaii as your final regular season game. Can you imagine being a Cincinnati fan, giving up six months of going out to bars in northern Kentucky for a good time, and then finding out that you've blown all your money on a trip to Hawaii when you could have saved up and watched your team in the Orange Bowl?

Missouri v. Oklahoma (-17)- I'm hoping Missouri wins just because I think Texas deserves to play for the championship. Which they would have been doing under the SEC tiebreak rules. (Instead of rewarding the division championship to the team that is highest ranked in a three-way tie, the SEC team has to be more than five places ahead of the team that they lost to in the final BCS standings.) Of course now the Big 12 is going to take the time to reexamine their own rules. In the meantime Oklahoma plays Missouri. Question, what if this game was awful and Oklahoma won by a point on the final play of the game. Is there anyway that Texas could re-jump Oklahoma without playing? If so, wouldn't this be perfect?

Boston College v. Virginia Tech- It's truly rare that you get a straight pick'em in a championship game. So embrace this game for what it is, an evenly matched game for a trip to a BCS bowl. Where the winner will lose to someone. This is a rematch of an October game between the two teams which Boston College won 28-23. It's also a rematch of last season's conference championship game won by Virginia Tech. Which was itself a rematch of a regular season game in 2007. Confused yet? All of that to say the teams have now played four times in a 14 months. Boston College leads 2-1 but lost the all-important conference championship game.

Alabama v. Florida (-10)- We got into a discussion the other day about whether an undefeated team from a power conference who was ranked number one in the country had ever been a double-digit underdog on a neutral field. I couldn't think of anyone. Let me know if you can. Basically what this means is that Vegas is going to favor Florida over anyone. (Yes, even Oklahoma or Texas.) As well they should. Florida hasn't won by less than 28 since their loss in the final week of September to Ole Miss. Meanwhile, interestingly enough, Alabama and Florida have only played twice this decade. So there's not a lot of history to go on between these two teams. Could this, please Lord, be Tim Tebow's final SEC game? Has Percy Harvin already played his final SEC game? Time will tell. Until then, I'll be throwing up before this game starts. And really drunk by kickoff. The only thing worse than your own team going 5-7 is your two most hated rivals going 23-1 on the season.

1. Texas eliminated Missouri from the national stage on Saturday. The Horns were up 35-3 at the half and all those Missouri fans who were convinced that Texas might have a figurative hangover after Oklahoma were busy wondering if Chase Daniel was literally hungover. Three weeks ago I anointed Daniel the Heisman Trophy winner. Maybe that was a bit premature. Now everyone knows Colt McCoy is going to win it. Which probably means he won’t. The void in the Heisman race this year is gargantuan.

2. Maryland beat Wake Forest 26-0. If there is a less consistent team in America than Maryland, I haven’t seen them play all year. Lose to UVA by 31 when you’re favored by 14, beat a top 25 Cal team that you’re double digit underdogs to, lose to Middle Tennessee State by 10, and now bounce back from being shutout to shutout the top team in the ACC. There are no words. I’m picturing a bleary-eyed Ralph Friedgen sitting in front of film from this season’s games,Twinkies flying over his shoulder at warp speed, saying over and over again, “If I just watch long enough it will all make sense.” No, it won’t Coach. It never will.

3. With 6:46 remaining in the third quarter Penn State was tied at 17 with Michigan. Nittany Lions fans were starting to wonder if they were going to find a way to lose to the worst Michigan football team in the history of the university and then they scored 29 consecutive points and covered the huge spread. Am I the only person who pictures Joe Pa giving the Russell Crowe Gladiator speech during a television commercial break? Via the sideline phone no less. How much would you pay to hear Joe Pa say, “At my signal, unleash hell.”

(It takes a while but the best single line of moviedom in the past ten years will come up eventually. Damn copyright lawyers ruining clips for the rest of us.)

4. Georgia outlasts Vandy 24-14. This game was ugly. And I know because I was nauseous and attempting to take a nap while watching this game from my car on Saturday afternoon. Earlier I’d spent the day touring the Thomas Wolfe home in Asheville. Don’t ask. But isn’t it amazing how teams can drop off the national radar so fast? Georgia is number 7 in the BCS standings and you’d think they’ve lost three games already. That will probably change beginning this weekend at LSU, but still, how have they disappeared so quickly?

In case you're wondering how the Gators are getting ready for the Cocktail Party, here's a rap about the awesomeness of beards from Gainesville. Every time I want to hate Florida fans, they go and pull off something amazing like this. Work your way through the opening half-minute and wait for the rap to begin. It's truly outstanding. As an added bonus watch for Joakim Noah, Al Horford, and Taurean Green to make cameos. Seriously.

5. On Friday Boise State beat Hawaii 32-7 to get to 6-0. Remember Boise State head coach Chris Petersen? You should. He’s about to become the hottest commodity among young head coaches in the country. Their only win by less than 13 was over Oregon at Oregon. They’re #15 in the country and will be favored to get to 12-0. Can they crash the BCS again? Oklahoma hopes not.

6. Texas Tech is 7-0 and still has played no one. Why can’t my team ever get a starting schedule like this to artificially inflate our expectations? But that’s all about to change. Starting this week Tech goes to Kansas (where they’ve opened as an early underdog), then they get Texas and Oklahoma State at home before a nice road trip to Oklahoma. Christ, is the negative karma from going to law school finally catching up with Mike Leach?

7. LSU proved they can win a big night game on the road. Unfortunately for them, this win means their home game against Georgia will now be an afternoon game for CBS. Somehow Les Miles will find a way to blame Matthew Stafford for this insult to the honor of the Bengal Tigers. Meaning I'm glad I'm not Matthew Stafford.

8. Remember how USC was favored by 43 on the road? Yeah, they covered by 26. 69-0 was the final. Washington State’s really clicking on all cylinders now. Can you imagine being a Washington State fan, putting money on your team, and then having to watch this debacle?

As if that weren't bad enough, word is the entire Washington State dance team fled Pullman to become Mark Sanchez's harem. Only Sanchez dropped them off in Sacramento because they weren't hot enough for LA.

9. Oklahoma's Sam Bradford threw for 468 yards against Kansas. What’s more, the Sooners put up 674 yards of total offense. How is that even possible with the new clock rules? Seriously, 674 yards. You’re thinking, they must have thrown the ball on every play. You’d be wrong. They passed 56 times, but they also ran the ball 44 times. Meaning they managed to run 100 offensive plays. The average team in college football is averaging about 64 this year. How did this happen? Especially because Kansas ran 72 plays themselves. It wasn’t like they turned the ball over on the first play every time. I have no idea how this game featured 172 plays. Anyway, Oklahoma won 45-31.

10. Ohio State eviscerated Michigan State. Meaning it might well be another twenty years before Michigan State gets to go back to the Rose Bowl. But they can still beat Michigan this weekend, right? State fans are kicking dirt clods outside their UP Winnebagos. Right? Meanwhile, Ohio State and Penn State decides the Rose Bowl for the Big Ten before November is even here.

11. UVA upset North Carolina in overtime. What if Al Groh won the ACC this year? Your world is spinning in reverse right now, isn’t it? UVA is now 2-1 in conference and has a chance to take over the Coastal Division lead with a game at Georgia Tech this weekend.

12. The first BCS standings are out. Texas and Alabama are in the top spots. Not for long. I personally guarantee a loss for Alabama this weekend in Knoxville. It’s happening. Write it down and remember who told you first. In fact, wager your life savings on the Alabama favored by 6 line. That worked very well for everyone who took my advice on Texas Tech-Nebraska. As a consolation prize in advance, this lovely Alabama girl has lost her top. Oh my. She must be cold.

Back when I wrote that I couldn’t wait to watch the BYU-TCU game, I meant it. Completely. But what I forgot was that I’d be on the road in a hotel room. I don’t know why it is but hotels have the most erratic cable channel selections known to man. If you’re anything like me you’ve found yourself lying on a bed, flipping through the channels, gradually getting more and more desperate as you realize that despite the fact you can buy a porn movie called, Ugly Chicks And Guys with Small Dicks (also known as the state of Ohio summed up in seven words) the hotel doesn’t carry something like ESPN 2. Back in 2004, I went to a friend’s wedding on the same day as UT at Ole Miss. (This was in the days back when my team was decent.) You haven’t seen anger until you’ve gone back to your hotel room and realized the hotel doesn’t carry ESPN 2. Unless, that is, you’ve ordered a porno movie for $14.99 and it’s soft core. So I was pretty much resigned to the fact that Versus wouldn’t be included in my cable’s television package. Then, miraculously, it was. So I got to watch BYU at TCU. And now we know that BYU is done for BCS purposes thanks to their 32-7 loss that was never close. Most amazing stat of the game? BYU rushed 28 times for 23 yards. That TCU run defense is unbelievable. So now we start the one-loss team handicapping. Because this year’s BCS Title Game isn’t going to feature any undefeated teams. Count on it. Here’s a breakdown of the 9 most interesting games coming up this weekend.

Georgia Tech (-2) at Clemson- This line moved from Clemson favored by 2 to Georgia Tech being favored by two after the Tommy Bowden firing. So does this mean Bowden’s brilliance is worth four points to Clemson? That would seem to be the case since nothing else changed. If so, the Tigers might as well cancel the rest of the season. By the way Mark Schlabach of ESPN.com pointed out to me the other day that Clemson is starting a student manager at right guard. How is this even possible?

Do you really blame Clemson’s C.J. Spiller for bailing on this game with a pulled hamstring? I don’t think I’d even bother returning to the team if I were him. He has nothing to gain. Just go ahead and put your name in the NFL Draft and see what happens.

Ohio State (-3) at Michigan State- Michigan State hasn’t beaten Ohio State since 1999 yet everywhere you look Michigan State fans are beating their chests, pissing on gray sweater vests, and bragging because they don’t go to Western Michigan. (Honestly, this might not be that different than usual.) Michigan State is quietly 3-0 in the Big Ten and hasn’t lost since their season opener at Cal on August 30th. If Michigan State can win this game then their season finale at Penn State will decide the Big Ten Championship. Book it. Which would be great for Michigan State fans since they haven’t been to the Rose Bowl since…1988. Wow.

Kansas at Oklahoma (-20)- Oklahoma rebounds from their loss to Texas by bringing in Mark Mangino and company. Kansas has been quietly winning since their only loss to South Florida on September 12. Given that they’re twenty point underdogs this has impressed no one. I don't even know what to write about this game either. So here's a picture of Mark Magino. Enjoy.

Southern Cal (-43) at Washington State- This line opened with USC favored by 42 on the road and went up. Up! People looked at this line and thought, I can get Washington State at home and 42 points or USC on the road effectively starting off down 42 points. And everyone went with USC. So now you get 43 points in a road game. This has to be the most a team will be favored by on the road this season, right?

What’s also ridiculous about this? USC is favored by 43, yet the over/under on this game is only 55.5. You might be asking yourself, how has Washington State’s defense done in the Pac-10 so far? They’ve given up 66, 63, 66 to Cal, Oregon, and Oregon State respectively. UCLA put up just 28. What about margin of defeat? They’ve lost by 63, 49, 25, and 53 in the Pac-10 this season. So, yeah, I think I’d take USC too.

Miss. State at Tennessee (-7.5)- The over/under on this game is 37. That’s insane for a college game, one of the lowest of the year. Sadly, I think I’d still take the under. I’m taking my 9 month old son to this game on Saturday at Neyland. This will be his first college football game. He’s really excited. Or not at all. I’m already worried about the damage to his football fan psyche that is likely to ensue from watching a game this bad.

(Tennessee's season in one succinct image. Courtesy of blogger Loser With Socks)

Michigan at Penn State (-25)- Penn State has only won once in their past ten against Michigan. Now they’re favored by 25. That spread offense is awesome. So revolutionary. Do you think there are Michigan fans right now who are wondering how in the world they kicked Lloyd Carr to the curb in exchange for this? I wish Rich Rod had signed on at Alabama back in 2006 instead of extorting West Virginia and ‘Bama ending up with Saban. I hate you Rich Rod.

Meanwhile, what do Wisconsin fans have to be thinking right now as they stare into the beginning of a long, dark winter? They gave up a 19 point halftime lead to this Michigan team. That boggles the mind. I get the feeling that Wisconsin still hasn’t recovered from that half. In moments of clarity so does Joe Paterno. Of course the other half of the time Paterno is just nervous that Kerry Collins and Ki-Jana Carter are going to end up getting screwed this year.

Leaving off Vandy-Georgia's on me. It was included in my original write-up but not cut and pasted in the article. Yeah, I fucked up cut and pasting, I suck.

Vandy at Georgia (-15)- This spread strikes me as entirely too high given the split games these two have played in the past two years. In fact, barring a fumble late in the fourth quarter Vandy might be 2-0 against the Dawgs the past two seasons.

Now that Bobby Johnson has announced he's going with McKenzi Adams the question becomes, can Vandy stay close enough to wait for the inevitable Dawg brain freeze and take advantage of it? I don't think so, but I do think the Dores keep it closer than 15. Chris Nickson's only consolation prize is he'll have a lot more time to stare at the cleavage in the Georgia student section. And trust me, that's a lot of cleavage. Also, if you get there earlier enough you may or may not be able to see up the skirts of Georgia coeds from field level.

Virginia Tech at Boston College (-3)- BC has to win this game to stay alive in the Atlantic Division race meanwhile Virginia Tech can open up a commanding lead in the Coastal Division. The teams split two games last year. Is there a more incongruous match-up of conference fans than Virginia Tech Hokie fans traveling to Boston for this game? I don’t think so.

LSU (-2) at South Carolina – Remember after he lost to Vandy when I said Steve Spurrier was irrelevant? He lost the next week to Georgia but he’s won 4 in a row since then. Including two SEC road games. Now LSU is coming to Columbia and we get to see whether or not LSU is truly any good this season. People have forgotten that LSU had to sneak by Auburn at Auburn for their first conference win. Other than that LSU hadn’t played anyone prior to the collapse at Florida. So how will they respond? The world waits with bated breath. And by world I mean Cajuns and people from South Carolina who hate Clemson.

Missouri at Texas (-7)- Yesterday I was at an art museum with my wife (I know, I know) and they had a display of classic photos of Babe Ruth. It’s no secret that Babe Ruth looks nothing like an athlete. But while I was looking at the Babe, I started to think that Missouri quarterback Chase Daniel is the Babe Ruth of this era. Chase Daniel is the only guy I can picture going out and hitting on girls at his college campus and girls not sleeping with him because they don’t really think that he’s really Chase Daniel. I bet he goes out with Warren Buffett just so the Oracle of Omaha can vouch for him and help him pull puss. Warren: "Oh, yes (chortle) this is the real Chase. Let me show you his cash flow potential as an NFL quarterback. (Pulls out cocktail napkin and draws dollar sign piercing a vagina)." Once this happens, he takes the gals back to his throne-bed and has sex while eating drumsticks. This is how chubby boys do it in Texas. Even when they move to Missouri.

(This picture is never going to get old.)

Meanwhile Colt McCoy’s parents have real balls. Because Colt is his middle name. His first name is Daniel. Daniel McCoy and you want to be the starting quarterback at Texas? Not happening. How much has the boldness of naming their son Colt paid off? If he’s Daniel McCoy he’s probably majoring in Human and Organizational Development at Southwest Texas State. True story, Colt McKoy was born in New Mexico. This so troubled his dad that he brought a shoe-box full of Texas dirt and put it underneath the hospital bed to ensure that his son was son was “born over Texas soil.” Now any sane man would give up their state of birth and six years of life to be Colt McCoy out in Austin for a weekend. Hook 'em.

1. Texas is your new consensus number one. Which will surprise a lot of people who haven't been paying attention to the season thus far because Texas lept all the way from number five to claim the top spot. One Shakespeare, William memorably summed up the college football universe by stating "uneasy lies the head that wears the crown." And in the current age of college football this is always applicable. But even more so for Texas. The Longhorns next three games? Missouri, Oklahoma State, and at Texas Tech. So in four consecutive weeks Texas plays the number 1 team (Oklahoma), the number 11 team in Missouri (who last week was number 3), the number 8 team in Oklahoma State, and the number 7 team in Texas Tech. What's that all mean? In one month, Texas plays 4 of the top 11 teams in the country. As if that weren't enough they still have number 16 Kansas hanging out there at the end of their schedule plus a Big 12 Title Game. If Texas wins all these games to get to 13-0 they shouldn't even have to play in the BCS Title Game.

2. What's even more important than losing? Everyone still thinking you're good after you've lost. That's the only way to explain how Florida is already back to number 5 in the country two weeks after a home loss to a below average SEC team in Ole Miss and how Oklahoma is still number 4 in the country after a loss to Texas on Saturday. Oklahoma's next four games are significantly easier than the schedule Texas faces. So if Texas loses one of these games does Oklahoma jump them in the polls or does Texas fall one or two slots only?

Meanwhile, it's looking as if Florida and Georgia will play an elimination game at the Cocktail Party. But if you're a Georgia fan don't you have to scratch you head about the polls now? You were ranked higher than Florida prior to your losses and lost to the number 2 team in the country. Florida lost to an unranked team with no other SEC wins. Both were home losses. Yet Florida is number 5 now and Georgia is number 10? I've argued that Georgia was overrated early in the season, but I don't see how anyone can justify Florida jumping six places after a win over LSU. Basically the Ole Miss loss is already being tossed aside as if it didn't happen. Why? Because the pollsters are all convinced Florida is that good. Even if they lost.

3. Four of the top 11 teams in the country are now in the Big 12 South. Meaning, for at least a season, the Big 12 South has eclipsed the SEC East as the toughest single division in college football. Here's a mess for you, what if Texas wins the South via a tiebreak over Oklahoma then loses the Big 12 Title to a two-loss Missouri team. It could easily happen. Then Oklahoma doesn't win their own division title and leapfrogs not only the conference champion but also the division champion to play for the BCS Title? Yeah, absurd.

4. The fevered dream of Northwestern and Vandy in the BCS title game went down to an untimely defeat with the Dores loss at Mississippi State and Northwestern's loss at home to Michigan State. Sing a sad song with me. I suggest Wonderwall.

5. Overheard from a player on the UT-Georgia sideline, "At least we're not Michigan losing at home to Toledo." Fortunately Toledo is not on the UT schedule this season.

6. Some of you took my lock advice Friday and laid money on Texas Tech as a 20 point favorite. Yeah, that didn't work out so well. As Deadspinner Jason emailed late on Saturday night, "You, sir, make a lousy financial advisor. I'm going to hire Ferdinand Williams to break your kneecaps."

(For those of you who don't know, Ferd Williams was a GW basketball player in the 1996 and 1997 season. Judging from his career shooting percentage, it's very likely he'd swing a hammer to break my kneecaps and instead hit himself in the lower lumbar region.)

7. One month ago I got several emails from people who were racist against the state of Utah about how ridiculous my hyping of the BYU-Utah game was. Still feel that way? BYU is up to number 8 in the Harris Poll. Anyone looking at the top ten and betting on an undefeated team emerging from the Big 6 conferences is a fool (or a Penn State fan since they have by far the best shot). Could an undefeated BYU with a top ten win over Utah on the final week of the regular season really not get a sniff at the BCS Title Game?

8. Mike Gundy has Oklahoma State as a player on the national scene. I have no idea what's going to come of this but it can only be good things. Prior to this you'll recall that Gundy is A.) a man and B. 40. Now he's also in the top ten. Does anyone else get the feeling that the interview process for head coaches at Oklahoma State doesn't even include words? Head coaching candidates just walk into the room, pull down their pants, and throw their gigantic balls on the AD's desk. That's the only way to explain how a school can follow up hiring Les Miles with Mike Gundy.

(Because this never gets old.)

9. Ohio State is not going to play for the national championship no matter what they do the rest of the season. They're still pegged in at number 12. There are 5 one loss teams ahead of them and 6 undefeated teams. In the Harris Interactive poll (which is the one that counts in the BCS), Ohio State actually fell to 13. Consider this the retroactive punishment for 2007 and 2008 losses. Come hell (the return of or high water (an 11-1 finish), Ohio State is not playing for the BCS title.

10. Which team has lost the most based upon an upset loss to a mediocre team? How about Virginia Tech? Beat rapidly fading East Carolina (they've lost three in a row) and worst-case scenerio they're number 4 in the country now. Ouch.

11. Finally, in case you missed the Miami-Central Florida game (which, to be fair, we all did), Central Florida brought their own versions of the Ibis to the house. Miami managed to survive the double-fingered bird salute and triumphed 20-14.

Texas v. Oklahoma (-6.5)- According to Texas fans Colt McCoy is the white Vince Young. Their stats are comparable but it's yet to be determined whether their big game heroics and sanity are equally similar. Although rumor has it that Colt has been rolling into Austin bars shirtless and swilling Patron for months. Make of this what you will.

Meanwhile Sam Bradford of Oklahoma has already thrown 18 touchdown passes. Seriously, 18. Colt only has 16. Both men have thrown 3 picks. So their combined touchdown to interception ratio is 34-6. This would be more impressive if either team had played a legit top 25 opponent yet. But they haven't.

Both the Texas and Oklahoma offenses average over 45 points a game while each is giving up less than two touchdowns. In a stroke of mathematical precision that has yet to be noted by anyone in either Texas or Oklahoma both teams average margin of victory is 35.8. So something has got to give. (Brent Musberger made himself a legend by intoning the previous cliche with the proper measure of respect.) Just be careful, this game is set for 12 eastern. Set the damn alarm.

South Carolina (-3) at Kentucky- It's rare you see a line move four points. This one has. After opening as one-point favorites the Cats now find themselves three-point home dogs. I have no idea what this signifies. Except somehow I think Stephen Garcia is behind the magically moving line. I'm expecting him to go all Achilles on us and decapitate Kentucky's quarterback Mike Hartline during warm-ups. Word is he blames Hartline for killing Patroclus. Remember where you heard it first. Unless you're a police officer then...ha...lucky guess.

Nebraska at Texas Tech (-20)- It's even rarer I give gambling advice, but right now take all of the money that you've got left in stocks, cash out (go ahead and take your tax losses), and put it on Texas Tech to cover the 20 point line. Seriously, do it. Nebraska has the defense of a southern Theta at a Dave Matthews concert. Which is to say none. Back the truck up at the sports book. Do it now. Do it. (Not that you still subscribe to peer pressure anymore but if you don't do this then I'm telling everyone that you slept with special sheets to keep your mattress from getting soaked when you still wet your bed at the age of 16.)

(Mike Leach will make you one rich ass dude. Trust me.)

Tennessee at Georgia (-12)-- As you're reading this I'm somewhere in the backwoods of Georgia on the Tennessee team bus. If the Vols allow a punt return for a touchdown you'll probably be able to hear me squealing on the television contest. In what might be a Deadspin first, email me if you're driving back from Athens to Nashville. I don't have a ride home since the team is returning home via plane. This is not a joke.

Oklahoma State at Missouri (-14)- This is one of three games that Missouri could potentially lose in the regular season. The other two are at Texas and against Kansas on the final week. They probably won't lose this game but it should be entertaining as hell. Oklahoma State's under the radar. If they can score in the 40's, they won't be after this weekend. Regardless, Chase Daniel and Warren Buffet's album is so going platinum when it drops next week.

Arkansas at Auburn (-17)- How bad is Arkansas? Auburn hasn't scored more than two offensive touchdowns in the SEC this year and they just fired their offensive coordinator, yet they're favored by 17. I'm really just mentioning this game so I can link Tony Franklin clearing out his office. Which they filmed in Alabama. Well, of course they did.

Penn State (-5.5) at Wisconsin- Sooner or later Wisconsin's fans are going to turn on the band and blame their sexual misconduct for all the team's misfortune. But that's in the future. Six quarters ago Wisconsin fans believed they were headed to the Rose Bowl. Now, they're just hoping not to end up in the Motor City Bowl. Yeah, the college football tides turn in a hurry.

Meanwhile this is game 2 of Penn State's march to the BCS Title game. Win and it's looking like their road game at Ohio State will decide the Big Ten title. Lose...and it's still looking like their road game at Ohio State will decide the Big Ten title.

LSU at Florida (-6)- Just once I'd like to see the world through Les Miles colored glasses. Nothing in life is uncertain to Les Miles. He's the least doubting man in America. As a consequence he's fearless. That's the only way to explain his success. Hemingway said, "The world breaks everyone and afterward many are stronger at broken places." I disagree, the world has never broken Les Miles. And it never will.

Conversely, the world breaks Tim Tebow after every game. He cries, he mopes, he swears fealty to an angry God. Last year LSU fans got Tebow's phone number, this year, they're gunning for his football life. Which they cleverly informed the referees. Meaning LSU gets flagged for at least two late hits in the first half. The resulting points from those drives will probably be enough to make a difference.

Each week more signs appear behind the stage at ESPN's College Gameday. Some are original and funny (Knowshon Crossing sign with his leaping outline), some are entirely inside jokes (let's make a sign with our friend's name on it and hold it up for three hours early in the morning), and some are deemed offensive and are destroyed by ESPN heavies. Which brings us to the sign posted above, "Lou Holtz Spits, Mark May Swallows." It comes to me via reader Pete and he says, " By 10:05 AM ESPN had already confiscated it and broken it apart, but it did set off quite a commotion the few minutes it was up."

So now you know if you're interested in trying to sneak your sign past the heavies at ESPN, you're out of luck. Unless that sign says, "Lee Corso is a penis", then you may survive for a little while. I've always thought that Gameday doesn't take advantage of this signage enough. For instance, what if they actually made Desmond Howard do something, anything worthwhile on the show, and put him to work selecting the five best signs of the day and bringing them on set for the final segment? Or the top three signs? Actually, given his sense of humor Howard might not be the best choice. But wouldn't this be a great idea? To acknowledge all the fans who show up early in the morning and scream and yell and make the show such a success. Granted "Lou Holtz spits, Mark May Swallows" is not going to make the cut, but for original signs with good humor, wouldn't it be cool to encourage the creativity? Instead of, you know, taking a college kid's sign and breaking it up after deeming it offensive. (Offensive is a stretch here anyway, Lou Holtz does spit and Mark May does swallow...sometimes, or he would die.) Could Pete have gotten away with, "Lou Holtz Expectorates and Mark May Ingests." I think so.

I want to know which ESPN guru is in charge of deciding whether a sign is offensive or not. I'm picturing this bespectacled guy sitting in front of a large HD screen on the Gameday bus, television images reflected off his glasses, laptop in lap, and googling sign phrases with laser-like focus. Then he has like fifteen guys dressed entirely in black (the ESPN shockforce), snaps his fingers, and Gino Torretta goes outside and wreaks havoc. Either that or they borrow David Pollack from CBS and send him out to say, "Golly gee, y'all should have known better," and Pollack throws the signs down and then skips from one side of the sign to another, smiling at you all the while, as he destroys your sign.

Anyway, if you've ever wondered whether ESPN brings the muscle to break down offensive signs, now you know. On to 8 other things I noted from this week's games.

1. Someone finally stopped Tim Tebow on a 4th and 1 shotgun sneak. That team was Ole Miss. Prior to this stop, South Carolina, Tennessee, Georgia, and Ole Miss had all been victimized by the Tebow fourth down sneak leading to victories. It was believed by many, much like the four minute mile, that this play simply couldn't be bested. And then Ole Miss stopped it. A Houston Nutt coached team stopped it. Wow.

When this final score was announced at UT-Auburn, there was a roar throughout the stadium. A roar so loud that the Florida guys with their sleevless t-shirts and the Florida girls with their bingo wings, felt a sudden chill of air on the backs of their exposed arms. Here's the play.

Note how Ole Miss sends every single player storming into the center of the line. There isn't a single player more than two yards from the line of scrimmage. If Florida goes play action here, they win. Or even with the Tim Tebow jump pass.

New theory: Florida can't handle the rural SEC schools. Ole Miss has won two in a row in the Swamp, Miss. State sent the Zooker packing, and Auburn's owning of the Gators is well-chronicled. There's something about cows that spells Gator disaster. Otherwise how to explain the incongruous site of Ole Miss fans mocking the Gator Chomp with a derogatory chop of their own in Gainesville.

2. Wisconsin blows a 19-0 lead at Michigan and loses. As if that weren't bad enough this was the biggest second-half comeback in Michigan stadium history. That's 500 games. This is one of those losses where if you're a Wisconsin fan you find yourself sitting outside in the fading light staring off into the coming darkness thinking, "No matter what happens, Michigan is always going to be better than we are at football. Always." Michigan had 5 turnovers and only 21 yards of offense in the first half. And they won.

Wisconsin had an undefeated team, was favored, and choked away the second half. How painful was it? Wisconsin scored on a two-point conversion to tie the game but was penalized and failed on the second attempt.

3. Tennessee quarterback Jonathan Crompton is the worst quarterback in my life at UT. He was 8-23 for 67 yards against Auburn. To say that this game was an atrocious display of football is insulting to the word atrocious. From UT giving Auburn a defensive touchdown by failing to execute the always complicated handoff, to Auburn's quarterback, Chris Todd, having the arm strength of a girl's power puff quarterback, this thing was epically bad on every level.

How bad? Auburn's fans booed their team while they were leading in the fourth quarter. How bad part two? Jonathan Crompton's entire quarterbacking skill seems to consist of throwing the ball really hard. He didn't complete a pass for the final 20 minutes of the game. At one point, though, he did manage to throw a three-yard slant pattern 400 miles an hour. No one on earth could have caught this thing. Yep, he's Ricky Vaughn. My book is going to be awesome. It might just end up being an itemized roster of how much money Jonathan Crompton has cost me.

There was no joy in either fan base aw we left the stadium. Everyone looked like they'd just witnessed an execution.

4. Duke beats UVa 31-3. Meaning that Duke, Northwestern, and Vanderbilt are a combined 12-1 this season. The only loss among the three? Northwestern beat Duke. All three are likely to go bowling. As if that weren't enough ESPN's College Gameday just announced yesterday that they're coming to Vanderbilt for the game against Auburn this weekend. Seriously, Vanderbilt is hosting College Gameday. Any Tennessee fan who said that losing offensive coordinator David Cutcliffe wouldn't hurt was a fool. Duke is probably 1-3 without him, UT is 3-1 with him. Anyway, the big news here is that Vanderbilt becomes the smartest school since Williams-Amherst to get College Gameday. I'm expecting signs that are so insulting, biting, and smart that ESPN isn't smart enough to note their sublime subterfuge. Don't disappoint me Vandy, don't disappoint me.

5. Alabama eviscerates Georgia. Much to the chagrin of Georgia fans, I've been one of those people who has been saying all along that Georgia was overvalued relative to the other teams in the SEC. But even I was shocked by this outcome. 31-0 at the half? Imagine how bad it would have been if Georgia hadn't blacked out the stadium.

What's the only thing worse than watching your team lose 14-12? Having to drive back across the whole state of Alabama and listen to Crimson Tide radio announcer Eli Gold have 48 orgasms on the radio.

Here's Eli, pictured above. By the way, can Alabama fans back me up on this, is Eli the only radio announcer on the Crimson Tide broadcast capable of speaking in sentences? Everyone else he had on-air with him just spoke occasional words and then uttered sounds after. How did they select these guys? Worse, who did they beat out? Eli Gold sounds like a Shakepearean actor and his co-workers sound like stand-ins for the missing link.

6. Oklahoma is your new number 1 team after the dust setlles on Saturday's results. The Sooners dispatched TCU 35-10. Four of the top ten lose. Alabama slides in at number 2 after their pasting of Georgia. Three teams from the Big 12 join two from the SEC. Anyone who tells you they have any idea what the hell is going to happen for the rest of the season is a damn fool. Survival is the operative word. Are we headed towards another two-loss national champion? Perhaps.

7. Don't look now but BYU is going to cause some major BCS headaches. They moved up to number 8 and only play one top 25 opponent for the remainder of the season (at home against Utah on the final week of their regular season) With all the attrition up top could BYU end up in the title game? Yeah, they really could.

8. UConn took down Louisville to go to 5-0 and reach the top 25 at 24 with fellow top ten crasher South Florida from the Big East. Which brings us to a second crazy thought, could BYU and South Florida end up in the national championship game? Looking at both of their schedules they'll be favored to be undefeated come season's end (with the possible exception for USF's season finale on December 6th at West Virginia). Fans would demand a playoff then, right? Right?

We're powering through the top 25 as the college football season looms closer and closer. We'll finish off with Georgia on Thursday just before kickoff later that night. First up today is Missouri, brought to you by blogger Big Head of Mizzourah.net .

Being a Mizzou fan gives us a specific right; the right to be confident, yet afraid that the sky will fall on us at any moment, and more than likely it will come in a shitty city like Ames or Waco. Like the first time I went in to a strip club and it was Asian pregnancy night, it's embedded in the mind. It's a Missouri thing- Don Denkinger screwing the Cardinals (although it benefited the Royals), Adam Vinatieri booting a forever long field goal to win the Super Bowl against the Rams, Carl Peterson being 18 seasons into his own 5-year plan to take the Chiefs to the Super Bowl, George Brett going apeshit about a bat that was stickier than Jules' afro in Pulp Fiction...it's just a Missouri thing. We have come to acknowledge it. We saw it last year when we shit the bed in Norman on a fumble, and then got routed in the Big 12 Title game. Then again, Oklahoma is a good team. It more than likely happens when we play less than stellar teams. It's what we do.

This year is no different. Even though we are ranked in the top ten of all publications (6th AP/7th USA Today/4th SI/6th Phil Steele), we're still waiting for this team to turn into a pumpkin. Does the SI jinx kill us? We are confident that it won't...but yet as a Mizzou fan, we expect something to go awry at some point. We know a 12-0 or 11-1 season is a decent possibility, but wouldn't be surprised with 8-4 or 7-5. It's what we do. The rug gets pulled out from underneath our Missouri sports fandom every year, unless you're a Cardinals fan (we sold our souls to the devil a long time ago. See Leitch for a deeper explanation).

The 2008 team has been expected to be the Mizzou team that had the best shot at winning the Big 12 for awhile. All the pieces have been in place for a run in 2008 since about 2006. Last year was great and all, but Mizzou is even better this year. We lost a few of the pieces of the puzzle, but Gary Pinkel has been able to fit some new players in that gained a lot of experience last year. The defense is the best in the Pinkel era, but lets be honest; it all starts with quarterback Chase Daniel.

Chase is a great representative of the people of the Show Me State; chip on the shoulder, a little chubby, and can grow kick ass facial hair in his free time. Sure, he's not actually from Missouri, but nobody gives a shit...he's a Missourian. Jeremy Maclin and Daniel are a dynamic duo, and are so good, they could kill each other's Heisman votes. Being a Mizzou fan, we expect the greatness of two of our stars to kill the hype on each other's greatness. It's what we do.

As far as our rivalries go, we really only have two; Nebraska and kansas. Some may argue that we have four by adding Oklahoma and Illannoy in the mix, but for it to be considered a 'rivalry', you need two things; back-and-forth balance of competitive games, which we don't have by getting dominated by Oklahoma for years, and the mere fact of actually giving a shit about the other team, which we don't against the Illini. Illannoy, as you may get from the nickname, has basically been a little brother kind of pest to Mizzou. They are a team without a true rival, and they decided that they would become our rival. Basically a bullshit, made up rivalry to appease their fan base.

Tiger fans have always considered Nebraska and kU the teams of mass hatred. Nebraska for all the ass beatings that we incurred and Nubs fans claiming they did it with class, followed by many years of close games until we finally started to pull through. The hatred reached a boiling point with the whole Flea Kicker thing in 1997. kU is hated because they are kansas. It all goes back to William Quantrill and Bleeding Kansas, but Deadspin isn't a place to drop hints to the repeats of Win Ben Stein's Money.

We hate kU enough to never acknowledge them with a capital-'k' when referring to them. Of course, last season threw a Phillips 66 station worth of gas on the fire with the game at Camerohead and the birth of Sodd Reesing (see picture above), but this year has already been turned up to an 11 with the release of kU's "Big 12 North Co-Champion Trophy". The trophy has caused a little bit of an uproar among Mizzou fans because of the 36-28 win in the Armageddon game last year, and the fact that we went on to the Big 12 Title game, not the Squawks.

For once in my tired, pathetic, college football loving life, my team has expectations to do well. Everywhere I've turned all off-season, everyone has pimped the Tigers. Do we 'Eight Belles it', and go down in the backstretch of the season? Or instead, does our six-foot, chubby hero wearing the #10 save the day? Speaking for all Tiger fans, we are banking on the second option. Expect the worst, but going all-in for the best. It's what we Mizzou fans do.