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Carlos Zambrano Mows Your Hitters Down

Tuffy — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 22:28:07 EDT

A game that was merely a whisper this morning has turned into a primal scream from the massive Cubs ace, Carlos Zambrano. Awash in a sea of Cubs blue at Miller Park in Milwaukee, Zambrano roared back tonight from a forced vacation due to rotator cuff soreness and an August well under his best to secure the first Chicago Cubs no-hitter since 1972 and perhaps the first to occur in a third-party ballpark.

Drayton McLane's boys in alternate home red (as they were the putative home team) fairly well laid down, providing Zambrano with 13 ground balls and 10 strikeouts in a contest Houston management had no taste for as long as it was in Milwaukee. However, the Astros bowed to external pressure (aka Lord Selig) and accepted the Milwaukee location, much to the chagrin of Astros fans and every email we received on the topic today from Cubs and Astros fans alike.

Alfonso Soriano's leadoff homer provided all the offense Zambrano would require. The Cubs pounded on Randy Wolf in the third like Randall Simon-on-oversized-sausage in the third for good measure, though.

For Houston, a six-game winning streak collapses in exile and a day game awaits in just a few hours. For the Cubs, their magic number shrinks to seven with the dual Brewers losses in Philadelphia Sunday.

And for Zambrano, concerns about overworking a rather hefty man just coming off desperately needed rest may still arise, but he never seemed to labor for any of his 110 pitches and only walked one.

Nationals Minor-Leaguer Allegedly Corrupts Youth in the Back of His Car

Tuffy — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 17:45:17 EDT

This charming young fellow is 25-year-old Garrett Guzman. He enjoys long fly balls out of the park, walking to first base, piña coladas, and a per diem over $25. (Or so we assume. He is, after all, a minor-leaguer in the Washington Nationals system, playing in Harrisburg, PA.) We have also received word that Mr. Guzman may have an affection for teenage girls. He has been accused by authorities of having relations of a sexual and incredibly illegal nature with a 15-year-old girl twice between July 15th and August 1st, both times in his car after picking her up.

However, he has only been charged with misdemeanor corruption of minors, so he should be back on the field of play shortly. After all, his s... what's that? He's not very good? Demoted from AAA to AA? Well, screw him. Does anyone have Paul Lo Duca's number?

No one with the Nationals organization has any comment because it's the weekend and they had plans in the Hamptons and they're hoping the hurricane or some other sports story or an alien invasion saves them from having to make public comment Monday. He didn't use steroids, right?

(Note to WHP-TV, who reported the story Friday night: It sounds very odd to refer to Elizabethtown, the town where the acts allegedly occurred, as "E-town". Maybe save that one for a county fair story?)

Police: Nationals minor leaguer had sex with teen [Atlanta Journal-Constitution]
Senators player facing sex with minor charges [WHP-TV]