Williams was acquitted of the misdemeanor charges of lewd and lascivious behavior and indecent conduct charges and blasted prosecutors for going after him simply because he's black, pointing out that the white captain sucked a boob or two on the boat as well, and nobody's charging him 300 bucks.

The trials of fellow Vikings Fred "Double Donger" Smoot and Bryant "Salad Bar" McKinnie have yet to begin, though they are facing the same charges as Williams was. Wait ... shouldn't Smoot be charged with two counts?

Ex-Viking Guilty On One Count, Not Guilty On Two [Minneapolis Star-Tribune]

Anyway, Vikings Daunte Culpepper and Moe Williams have asked the charges filed against them regarding the Lake Minnetonka incident be dropped because of racial bias against them, claiming that other people on the boat who were white were not charged. They claim the (white) captain of the boat "touched a woman's exposed breast with his mouth while he piloted the boat." Which, by the way, is exactly what happened on our boat trip, minus the captain, exposed breast and "woman."

To remind you of the full charges in the case, both Culpepper and Williams were accused of receiving lap dances ... and that was about it. (The real fun involved Fred Smoot and Bryant McKinnie.) These are lighter "offenses," we think, than trying to drive a boat with a boob in your mouth. We agree with the two Vikings and encourage Minnesota authorities to arrest the captain as well, so that he, and the woman, might tell their testimony. Slowly.

Culpepper Raises Race Issue In Boat Party Charges
The Full Report On The Sex Boat [Deadspin]

Two of the four players indicted in the whole Lake Minnetonka double-dong fiasco pleaded not guilty yesterday to misdemeanor charges and have "demanded a jury trial." To repeat the initial charges for each player, Culpepper is accused of "getting a 'lap dance' from an unidentified, naked female," and McKinnie, getting his money's worth, "picked up a naked woman, placed her on the bar in the lounge and commenced to perform oral sex on her ... at a different time during the evening, [witnesses] saw Mr. McKinnie along with three other unidentified males received oral sex from four women while the men were seated in deck chairs on the boat." Yeah, beat that rap. Why deny it? Hell, pay the freaking fine, take the pats on the back from teammates and go on your way.

Moe Williams, the third Viking indicted, is in court today. Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy.

Culpepper, McKinnie Plead Not Guilty To Charges In Boat Party [Minneapolis Star-Tribune]

(Update: Fred Smoot has now plead not guilty as well. To blatantly steal from commenter MTD: Best. Exhibit A. Ever.)

Some blogger we've never heard of but will be checking out from now on named "Zembla" has combined two of our favorite stories of the year — the Vikings sex boat and the Miami Hurricanes' scary dorm rap — and created a mashup, wondering what the Seventh Floor Crew would be like if Vikings were involved.

Bryant McKinnie: "Big Nick" (who "slings dick"). Bryant McKinnie is 6'8, 343 pounds, so he's got the "big" part covered. Despite the myriad of sex acts detailed by the Seventh Floor Crew, Big Nick is the only one to discuss cunnilingus. As McKinnie is the only Viking accused of picking up a naked woman, placing her on the bar, and performing oral sex on her, this seems like the perfect match.

We appreciate any Baseball Prospectus-esque discussion of sex boat/dorm gangbang shenanigans, so we're pretty big fans.

Lake Minnetonka And The Seventh Floor Crew [Zembla]

• Fred Smoot is officially a defensive genius... first time in history a DB has been able to cover two receivers. — import
• Fred Smoot the mastermind behind Cover 2. — DynaMo
• Weird thing is, Culpepper got up a minute through the lap dance and Brad Johnson replaced him. Everyone thought the lap dance was far more entertaining/satisfying after Duante took off. — BadClown
• the only way this could possibly be anymore entertaining is if mike tice was pacing the deck with clipboard in hand relaying sex acts to his players..."ok smoot, with mckinnie down up front, you're the back door bandit on the next play." — Large
• I've seen my share of terrible things on the internet, but there is something inherently dry-heavy about the Bryant McKinnie part of this story. Those strippers should just be thankful Kleinsasser was not on board. — David Gilmore

Honestly, we've been laughing about these all day. Wanna be a member of the party? Drop us a line at tips@deadspin.com and tell us why you can rock the house.

The Full Report On The Sex Boat [Deadspin]

Fred Smoot: Was seen holding a double-headed dildo and moving the dildo while each end was inserted into the vagina of two women who were lying on the floor near the lounge area of the charter boat. After a period of time, one of the women got up and Mr. Smoot continued to manipulate the dildo inside the other woman.

Daunte Culpepper: Got a "lap dance" from an unidentified, naked female. During this "lap dance," Mr. Culpepper placed his hands on the naked buttocks of the female dancer.

Moe Williams: [Williams is witnessed] in the area by the downstairs bathrooms receiving a "lap dance," which involved the "dancer" dancing bare-breasted and Mr. Williams with his hands on and touching the breasts of his female partner.

Bryant McKinnie: [McKinnie is witnessed] pick up a naked woman, place her on the bar in the lounge and commence to perform oral sex on her. ... At a different time during the evening, [witnesses] saw Mr. McKinnie along with three other unidentified males receiving oral sex from four women while the men were seated in deck chairs on the boat.

So now you know. Some conversation topics for all your holiday parties this weekend.

Vikings Charged In Bawdy Boat Case [The Smoking Gun]