Ellis found himself at the center of one of the most pointless controversies of the off-season. The cast of characters: Ellis, a 300-pound bulldozer; Pete Carroll, USC head coach and feel-good granola guru of California football; and Tim Krumrie, Bengals coach and ex-lineman from the days when men were men and "Last Call" had to be enforced with multiple taser blasts.

Krumrie was at USC's Pro Day, putting the prospects through their paces in black cowboy boots and blue jeans; he left his chaps and spurs back at the Hotel Middle Aged Tough Guy. In Krumrie's hand-fighting drill, defenders like Ellis must stay in good football position while swatting Krumrie's hands off their shoulders and hips. The drill is easy at first, but it's hard to keep your knees bent and hips low while resisting the advances of a 47-year old Sam Elliot impersonator, and portly defenders quickly get gassed. The drill continues until the prospects drop from exhaustion and Krumrie's manhood is reaffirmed. Carroll seethed through the drill at USC, worried perhaps that Krumrie might misalign his player's chakras or damage their self-esteem.

Ellis performed very well in this dubious exercise, humoring Krumrie for several minutes after his teammates face-planted. He also ran a 5.02 40, benched 225-pounds 36 times, and weighed in at 297 pounds. When he's in shape (which is now), Ellis has great strength and stamina, and his fireplug-shaped body makes him a great run stuffer and pocket collapsor. Ellis was very productive in 2007, with 8.5 sacks and 12.5 tackles for a loss, so he has a lot more to offer than size and space-eating ability. He also gets high marks for leadership and character, which may have helped him push through the burn while fending off Krumrie.

In the end, Ellis helped his draft stock at Pro Day, and the Saints are getting a fine defender in the middle. Trouble is, they needed a cornerback more. Our Football Outsiders Game Charters watch every single millisecond of every game, and they take note of things you can't find in traditional stats. For example, they list who was covering every receiver who catches a pass so we can better evaluate defensive backs. So if Marvin Harrison caught a 10-yard pass against Dunta Robinson, our charters make a note in a spreadsheet like this: Harrison, short left, 10 (D. Robinson).

Here's what a typical spreadsheet looks like for the Saints defense:

Galloway, deep middle, 25 (Uncovered)
Galloway, short left, 10 (Still uncovered)
Galloway, short right, 15 (Not a single Saint in the frame)
Galloway, short left, 18 (Could have parked an AirBus on Galloway's head without harming a Saints defender)
Hilliard, short right, 8 (Galloway was uncovered deep, but Garcia's arm was tired)

The Saints finished 32nd in the NFL in DVOA against #1 receivers, by a huge margin. They needed defensive backs, and not just the kind you grab during moments of free agent weakness (Randall Gay and Aaron Glenn). Yes, a good line can help the secondary. But so can a good secondary.

Ah well. Ellis is rich, Carroll's reputation as the Deepok Chopra of college athletics was further reinforced. And Krumrie's needs, whatever they might be, were sated for another year, which probably makes all of us a little safer.

Speaking of The Flying Dutchman, he had himself a game — a team-high 27 points on 7-for-11 shooting — but he was also a big grumpy-puss all night long, scowling around and screaming at his invisible friend (Herr Gefartenalldertimen) once after he threw the ball out of bounds. Dirk may have the trophy, and he may be in all the history books, but he sure doesn't act like an MVP, does he?

And how about the Little General? After watching his team get sliced and diced by Paul in Game 1, Avery Johnson chose to double-team the tiny point guard early and often in Game 2. That strategy ... didn't work. Paul had 6 points and 8 assists in the first quarter, he had a double-double by halftime (12 points, 10 assists), and by game's end he had become the first player in NBA history (as far as I know) to have at least 30 points and 10 assists in his first two career playoff games. If you didn't just say "wow," I'll assume Agent Smith just popped out of the Matrix and made your mouth disappear.

Paul got some bigtime backup from David West (27 points), Peja Stojakovic (22 points, 5-for-7 from three-point range) and Tyson Chandler (10 points, 11 rebounds, 3 blocked shots). Meanwhile, Nowitzki's fellow starters looked too razzle-dazzled by Paul to do much of anything: Jason Kidd shot 3-for-10 and had 8 assists; Josh Howard scored 10 points and also went 3-for-10; and Erick Dampier had an Oliver Miller-like 6 points and 6 boards. The only bright spot for Dallas was the bench play from Jason Terry (16 points, 4 assists) and Brendan Bass (19 points, 8 rebounds). The Hornets now lead the series 2-0. Game 3 is on Friday.

Super. Man. More super than man. Dwight Howard had his second 20-20 game of the playoffs with 29 points and 20 rebounds, cradling the Orlando Magic in his mighty arms and flying them to an exciting 104-103 win over the Toronto Raptors. I now believe a man can fly.

After the game, Howard talked about his all-consuming need to defend truth, justice and his team's playoff hopes. "It was tough to come back and play the same way I played the first game. But one of the things (coach Stan Van Gundy) has put in my head, and (assistant coach Patrick Ewing), is just trying to play as dominant as I could on both ends of the floor. Since the last game, the only thing on my mind, when I go to sleep, when I wake up, at the gym with the guys, is to dominate."

And that's just what he did, with the Raptors playing the role of the gimp. Not that Chris Bosh submitted meekly and without a fight. The mightiest dino had 29 points and 10 rebounds, which was good, but he also missed a 19-footer with 1.9 seconds that would have won it, which was bad. Now, you might be thinking, "Bosh put it up from 19 feet out to win it ... is that really the best shot they could have gotten?" And that would be a good question. But Bosh had a rationale for his desperation heave from the perimeter.

"I knew I was going to have space. The time before I drove to the basket and I didn't get the call. I didn't want to put it in the referee's hands. I wanted to get a clean look — I felt like I did a decent job. I got a decent look and just missed the shot." If by "decent look" he means "I could kinda sorta see the basket," then he's absolutely right. But whether or not it was a good shot, the end result is the same: The Raptors are down 2-0, and that's a pretty deep tar pit for an extinct lizard to crawl out of.

Orlando got 18 points a piece from Jameer Nelson and Rashard Lewis, and Hedo Turkoglu added 12 points and 9 rebounds. Toronto's Jason Kapono had a "Return To Jurassic Park" performance with 20 points. (It's about time, Jason.)

Jason Voorhees would be impressed. Chee-chee-chee ah-ah-ah! Just when you think they're finally dead and buried, the Spurs crawl out of their maggot-encrusted graves, slip on a hockey mask and go back to hacking and slashing the competition. Meanwhile, Phoenix keeps rising from its own ashes seemingly for the express purpose of getting killed by the Spurs over and over and over again ... Groundhog Day-style. And I think I just set a new two-sentence record for unrelated references.

The Suns slipped on one of the Gorilla's banana peels and fell into a 2-0 hole after last night's 102-96 loss. Phoenix ran out to an early 14-point lead behind quick starts from Amare Stoudemire (33 points, 7 rebounds, 3 blocked shots) and Shaq (19 points, 14 rebounds, 4 blocked shots), but their defense couldn't — if you can even call it that — couldn't stop, contain, or even sort of slow down Tony Parker (32 points, 7 assists) or Manu Ginobili (29 points). Toss in a little Tim Duncan for good measure (18 points, 17 rebounds), and San Antonio's titanic trio accounted for 79 of their team's 102 points.

The 60 Million Dollar Man had 23 points and 10 assists, but the Suns got next to nothing from Grant Hill (zero points, 0-for-1), Leandro Barbosa (zero points, 0-for-7) or Raja Bell (8 points, 2-for-7), and that's not going to cut it. Not that the Spurs bench was lighting it on fire, but at least Michael Finley scored all of his 8 points in a 10-0 third quarter run that helped the old guys take control for good. Advantage: Spurs. In more ways than one.

No offense to the Chargers, but couldn't New Orleans use those home games a little bit more than San Diego? Particularly just a couple years after the Saints practically played every game on the road anyway? One Saints fan puts it a little stronger.

Now, you are taking a home game away from the Superdome, the Shrine, the Sacredome, the fans who gave you the loudest game in NFL history? Way to build that goodwill, fuckers.

It does seem like a strange decision, doesn't it? Having the Buzzsaw be the host for a Mexico City game makes sense, but New Orleans the home team in London? Hmm.

Eff You, NFL [Ashley Morris]

The book's case against Bush is built heavily on the testimony of one man, Lloyd Lake, who is at the center of the controversy. Lake, a convicted felon whose past in examined in the book, allegedly provided or arranged for hundreds of thousands of dollars in benefits for Bush and his family, much of which went directly to into the hands the USC football star. Lake goes so far as to claim that Bush was the one lobbying to further the partnership in clear violated of NCAA regulations. He says Bush had to convince him to follow through, urging, "Let's do it," in a face-to-face meeting.

I would suggest picking up a copy just so that you'll have something to read to your kids at bedtime.

YOU: "In February 2005, Bush asked for and was given $13,000 — by Lake — for the purchase of a car, a 1996 black Impala SS."
BOBBY: "Was it a fast car, daddy?"
YOU: "Yes. And Reggie wanted to upgrade the car and received another $4,000 from Lake for a new stereo, tinted windows, and high-performance tires and rims."
BOBBY: "That's called 'pimping,' right, daddy?"
YOU: "Yes."
BOBBY: "Will you read it to me again?"

Coincidentally or not, the Falcons chose the same day to say that they'd like to talk with Pete Carroll about their coaching vacancy. At any rate, it's all a lot more interesting than the BCS title game.

Carroll reportedly has no interest in the Falcons' job. Huh. Can't imagine why not.

First Glance At The Dreaded Bush Book [Los Angeles Times]
AP: Falcons Want To Interview Pete Carroll [USA Today]

Everyone keeps forgetting this game had no playoff implications whatsoever, but oh well, Browns win! Joy! Joshua Cribbs took one to the house, Jamal Lewis rushed for 128 yards and Mr. Brady Quinn made his long-awaited NFL debut. All together now, "Let's Go Colts!" (What?) Browns 20, 49ers 7

Miami allowed 316 yards passing by Carson Palmer, gave up a touchdown on a fumble return and fell to 1-15 on the season. Welcome to Miami, Bill! Bengals 38, Dolphins 25

THREADJACK. The Houston Texans are no longer a losing football franchise. /THREADJACK. Andre Davis' two TD returns came on consecutive kickoffs, which made him the first player this season to accomplish the feat in the same game. Odds are he'll be the last, too. Texans 42, Jaguars 28

Excuse me while I Apple+C something Suss wrote last week: "It's that time of year again when the Eagles are out of the playoffs, Donovan McNabb plays well and people lay off the 'maybe someone else should quarterback mantra.'" There. That was easy. Eagles 17, Bills 9

Favre extended his consecutive starts streak to 253 games, threw three touchdowns, and then handed the ball to some guy named Craig. And he did it all in a pair of Wranglers. Packers 34, Lions 13

Goodbye, sweet Vinny. Panthers 31, Buccaneers 23

Redman — Redman! — set a career high with four touchdown passes as the Falcons rode three fourth-quarter touchdowns to "upset" the Hawks in ATL. Said Redman post-game: "Bigger they come, harder they fall / That goes for, knuckleheads, MC's, pussy walls and all" Falcons 44, Seahawks 41

Yep, it'll be all-Vick, all-the-time this evening, which is the sort of thing that happens when you have two below-average teams. Sure, we could make some sort of argument that the Saints need a win tonight to keep their playoff hopes alive, but no one's really buying that. We think they should just eliminate the middle man and put Roger Cossack in the booth for the whole game.

Anyway, yeah, football.

The passing numbers for David Carr and Vince Young are very similar. Proceed as normal. Titans 13, Panthers 0

Detroit aims to go 2-0 against the AFC, and it looks like that will happen. As for the Broncos ... hey look. Patrick Ramsey. How about that. Lions 16, Broncos 0

Green Bay's monstrous 6-0 lead was blown in the final seconds of the first half, when fantasy player angerer Larry Johnson scored. Chiefs 7, Packers 6

Say goodbye to that winning record, Washington. Mark Mangino and Kellen Clemens found a way to score points in the first half.Jets 17, Redskins 9

There's Nothing Funny To Say About Any Of These Games
Buccaneers 10, Cardinals 3
Falcons 14, 49ers 7
Chargers 7, Vikings 7
Bengals 14, Bills 13

Not only are the Saints now 0-3, but they've lost Deuce McAllister for the year and the whole season is beginning to appear lost. (Though we're not exactly scared of anyone else in that division either.) You can't blame the fans; they wouldn't even leave a burning bar, lest they miss any of the pivotal game. But Drew Brees is looking awful, and basically, the Saints look like a team that everyone has figured out. Saints fans were booing last night; those are the Saints we remember!

Meanwhile, Vince Young can apparently throw the ball, and the AFC South looks like the most fascinating division in the NFL. And we've run out of things to say about what was, ultimately, a rather dull game between two teams that, oddly, seemed mismatched.

Mainly, the Saints look like they need to save their season; they've got a bye next week and could be looking at two weeks off at 0-3. That won't be a pleasant experience. Meanwhile, Vince Young hasn't had his Big Monday Night Football moment yet; doing it in New Orleans would be a nice touch.

Enjoy the broadcast crew; you might remember, there was a bit of a tragedy in New Orleans a couple of years ago. Prepare for regular reminders.

The Colts hammered the Saints in the NFL opener last night — and hey, isn't it great to see John Mellencamp back on our sports broadcasts again? — and David was the main offender, with Peyton Manning seemingly purposely picking on him. The game was noteworthy not necessarily for David's flailings as it was for the Colts' defense dominance of the Saints. We were expecting something along the lines of 41-31. We hope the Saints pick up their offense again, or they're gonna end up really disappointing those fans without homes, who are putting all their emotional health and well-being into whether or not Drew Brees can throw touchdowns.

Madden Got It Wrong [The Goose's Roost]

It's the Colts-Saints tonight, which means you're going to see a lot of pregame footage of Peyton Manning on "Saturday Night Live" and Reggie Bush hanging out with David Beckham, back when David Beckham could walk. As KSK introduces us to tubby Colts fans, we enjoy that the American Sport Of Bloodlust begins its season in the royal palace of Indianapolis.

An actual game tonight. Have fun out there.

The thing about this division is that there are three teams who have the feel, to us, like ones that are going to implode this year. But they can't all implode, we suppose.

Some picks!

• AJ Daulerio: Saints, Falcons, Panthers, Buccaneers.
• Kissing Suzy Kolber: Saints, Panthers, Buccaneers, Falcons.
• Robert Weintraub, Slate: Saints, Panthers, Falcons, Buccaneers.
• Matt Pitzer, USA Today: Panthers, Saints, Falcons, Buccaneers.
• Aaron Schatz, Football Outsiders: Saints, Buccaneers, Panthers, Falcons.
• Sports Illustrated: Saints, Panthers, Buccaneers, Falcons.
• DEADSPIN: Saints, Falcons, Panthers, Buccaneers. No matter what happens, deep down, Mr. Mexico's problems might end up helping more than they hurt. Eventually. Long time from now.

As always, we know nothing.

Your author is Alex Balk, editor of Gawker.com. His words are after the jump.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-

Last year in this space, I suggested that, seeing as the city of New Orleans was still a giant, sodden bowl of disaster that showed no signs of imminent repair, it might be a little frivolous to focus on the game of football, no matter how exciting it might be. Well, the city's still a mess two years after Katrina, but the Saints went all the way to the NFC Championship game last season, so fuck New Orleans: We're going to the Super Bowl, baby!

Overconfident? You might think so, but hear me out. This is more or less exactly the same team that, barring their inability to keep the Bears from scoring monstrous amount of points on that snowy Chicago eve, could have been last year's victim of the superior AFC in the big game. The season came as a surprise to everyone, even the players. This year the expectations are higher, but not only are these guys ready to meet them, they're more than able to exceed them. Assuming they have the same luck staying injury free as they did last year (granted, a big if), it's hard to see them not going all the way. Coach Sean Payton did a hell of a job making all the parts mesh and knowing when to stay out of the way. Brees showed the kind of confidence a championship-caliber quarterback needs to get the job done. And does anyone doubt Reggie Bush will only get better?

And consider this: As far as they went, this is a team that only won 10 games last year. I always used to piss and moan about the Steelers making the playoffs every year because they played in football's weakest division, so they were spotted at least six wins to begin with. Now that the NFC South has claimed that dubious distinction ... whatever, works for me! In fact — and here comes the most outlandish, jinx-inducing speculation I'll make, hoping that by actually saying it out loud there'll be some kind of double-reverse jinx property that comes into effect somehow — if the Saints manage to beat the Colts in the opener, it's not impossible to see them running the table on the next 14 games (the schedule is just that soft), which would see them facing the Bears in the final game of the season, where Lovie Smith will doubtless want to rest whoever has finally replaced Rex Grossman at QB. Yes, that's right: The Saints could go 16-0 this year.

Now that probably won't happen, but it is not at all irrational to expect 12 or 13 wins out of this team, which should be good enough for home field advantage throughout the playoffs. So when the inevitable rematch of last year's NFC Championship game occurs, it's gonna be in the Superdome. And the Saints are GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL, BITCHES!

Once there, of course, they'll be blown out by whoever wins the AFC, but whatever, you take what you can get. Maybe after the game is over we can start worrying about New Orleans the city again. Until then, it's gonna be a hell of a season.

Canal Street Chronicles points out that the words "New Orleans" don't show up a single time on the team's official site. (The Packers taught us how to properly link to team sites.) We don't see conspiracies in the omission, more just typical bad marketing. But just in case, go ahead and check the metatags for "San Antonio."

Hey Tom, You Forgot Something! [Canal Street Chronicles]

In a promotional photo shoot with Reggie Bush and the New Orleans Saints, David Beckham definitively illustrates, once and for all, the differences between football players and soccer players.

If that's not enough, try this one, after the jump:

Nothing says badass linebacker tackle than a ridiculous blonde dye job. It'll be fun to have Beckham here. Really.

Beckham Plays The Yanks At Their Own Game [UK Daily Mail]

So how did this happen? It's bound to come out sooner or later, so submit your guesses now. Our research shows that it usually involves trying to sneak in an unauthorized friend, as has happened in the past with Luke Wilson, and Johnny Drama.

So, Reggie Bush banned from the Playboy Mansion, and Gary Busey still free to roam the premises. Thanks for your time.

Banned! [New York Daily News, via The Wizard of Odds]
Luke Wilson Got Banned From The Playboy Mansion [The Darkhat]

(UPDATE: A Playboy rep emails us and says Bush hasn't been banned from the Mansion. WHEW!)

Anyway, it looks like they now have Bush on tape accepting a crapload of money and gifts.

According to multiple sources in an ongoing Yahoo! Sports investigation, nearly $280,000 in cash, rent and gifts was allegedly given to Bush and his family. Lake and Michaels both said in August 2006 that they planned to file a lawsuit against Bush. ... If the NCAA rules that Bush received extra benefits during his playing career at USC, he could be ruled retroactively ineligible. Since some of the benefits date to the 2004 season, the Trojans' national championship that season could be rescinded. USC could face further NCAA sanctions and Bush's 2005 Heisman Trophy could be in jeopardy.

This is ultimately more damaging for USC than it is for Bush, who could lose his Heisman Trophy but, uh, kind of has bigger fish to fry right now. Though we think that if they do decide to take away his trophy, it might be funny if they had to chase him for it.

Tale Of The Tapes [Yahoo! Sports]

But don't fret, Saints fans, because ABC26 New Orleans TV news correspondents Liz Reyes and Glynn Boyd were on the scene at Soldier Field on Sunday, and they had your back. Their report on other indignities that Saints' fans had to endure from the Chicago faithful included taunts of "Where's FEMA?" and "You from New Orleans? Too bad you didn't drown!" But the highlight came during an interview with two female New Orleans fans, which went like this:

"They have not been very nice ... (in background: "Super Fucking Bowl! Super Fucking Bowl!") ... We're so proud of what the Saints have done for the city of New Orleans, we owe them everything ... (Bears fan jumps into camera shot, yelling "Super Bowl! Super Bears!" Woman pushes him in the face) ... Don't hug me!"

Our favorite part: Boyd then yells at the Bears fan, "Come on, Gov!"

Despicable Bears Fans [ABC26]
Rex Grossman, Like Jim McMahon, But Without The Sunglasses And Headband [Deadspin]
'Worst' Banner At Playoff Game [MSNBC]

• Mega Bears. Some thoughts on todays game, while my wife is online trying to find something semi-reasonable in terms of tickets for the Super Bowl ... Didn't see Good Rex today. He was more of 'eh' Rex. He was making good reads and decisions, but his accuracy just wasn't really there. But he didn't turn the ball over — and didn't really come *close* to doing so — and sometimes, that's all you need your QB to do.

• Windy City Gridiron. Dear America, We're sorry! Really. We really understand that this would have made for a wonderful piece of Americana story. Just straight up Betsy Ross, Apple Pie good for your heart type of stuff. What happened to New Orleans and surrounding areas was tragic on so many levels. Then comes the New Orleans Saints. You went on a run that captured the imagination of even the youngest or most unknowledgable football fans. In all honesty if it wasn't us, we would have been rooting hard for you just like everybody else. The problem is though, we needed it to and you just stepped in front of a steam roller. We love ya, but we are the Bears, the most storied franchise in all of football.

• New Orleans Saints Blog. I can't begin to say what this team has done for the spirit of the people here in New Orleans. Through "hell and high water" our city was on the difficult road to recovery, and making progress albeit sometimes at a big easy pace. Many of our people have not returned, and for many different reasons. While I thought that I loved the city more because I stayed; I now realize that many didn't return for that exact same reason: that they loved the city. Regardless of where we all are now, the success of the Saints this year has been a uniting force that's put smiles back on the faces of many people still grieving the many losses they've faced since August of 2005.

• New Orleans Saints FanHouse. No Cheese for Brees. A poster on Saints Report has the following juicy (and by juicy, of course, I mean completely silly and inconsequential) tidbit on Drew Brees: He orders a pizza from Louisiana Pizza Kitchen almost every week. A friend of mine works there and they say he always orders a sausage pizza with NO cheese. It raises some interesting questions. Is Drew lactose intolerant? Is that really a pizza, if it's missing the cheese? Does a pizza with no cheese look gross, like maybe the face of a bad burn victim? My mind just won't stop racing.

• Monsters of the Midway. February 4th is the date. And guess what? The Bears are already being looked at as the underdogs. According to sportsbook.com, the Colts are currently favored by 7 points. I'm sure the monsters of the midway wouldn't have it any other way.

• Meanwhile, Over At The eBays ... A pair of Super Bowl tickets start at $3,000, and go as high as $18,500, as of Monday morning. Or, how about five together for the low price of $37,500? Hmm, thirty seven large to watch Rex Grossman? Sounds reasonable to us!

Anyway, Da Bears are heading to their first Super Bowl in 22 years, and that's a long time anywhere, and an especially long time for fans as intense as Bears fans. The game was actually a little closer than the score looked — we swear, there was a brief moment in the first quarter when we thought the Saints looked considerably better than the Bears — but it was still definitive. Not that anyone's going to have any faith in him come Super Bowl Sunday anyway, but Rex Grossman did make some key passes, including four on the key drive that put the game away. We are not as down on Sexy Rexy as some others are — you really could have made an argument for him to make the Pro Bowl this year, though that's less because of him and more because the NFC quarterbacks stink — and though he's more likely to throw three interceptions in the Super Bowl than three touchdowns, you couldn't doubt him much in the second half yesterday.

(Though we did find it amusing that he kept wanting to run off the field in the first half, only to have coach Lovie Smith — who is GREAT FRIENDS with Tony Dungy — wave him back on.)

But the Bears are in the Super Bowl; it's all Midwest, baby, all the time. No matter what, someone's gonna need to make sure Tank Johnson is locked in his Miami hotel room.

Super Bowl Bound [Chicago Tribune]

- Special reminder from Rex Grossman and Troy Aikman: Fred Thomas still sucks.

- Bernard Berrian, you are magnificent. Grossman heaved a prayer in his direction along the far sideline, and ... unfortunately, Fred Thomas still sucks. I just hate to see a guy embarrassed like that. 25-14 Bears, and that was large.

- Drew Brees gets drilled by Adewale Ogunleye and that looked like a fumble. A late whistle, and the Bears have thrown the challenge flag. I'm not sure if that was blown dead, or if it can be challenge at all, but we'll see.

- Yep, Bears ball. 26 yard-line, 11 point lead... and there's still 13:03 left to play here, but if they could manage to get a touchdown here, the Bears could almost put this thing to bed.

- Cedric Benson takes the handoff, and he's just going to plow up the middle until he crosses the goal line. He just looks stronger than anyone who tries to hit him. That makes it 32-14, Bears.

- Drew Brees is intercepted by Nathan Vasher, and that will just about seal a Jim Belushi appearance sometime this week on ESPN. There's still plenty of time, I suppose... if the Bears turn it over and have a couple of defensive lapses, it is possible. It's certainly not likely, though.

- The Saints had moved the ball a little bit, until Brees gets buried under the pressure and is called for another grounding penalty, leaving the Saints with a 4th and long with 7:28 to play. 4th and 13, and they have to go. Brees goes deep over the middle, and it hits Danieal Manning in the hands... he drops it (SEE THAT, MARLON MCCREE?!), and the Bears take over possession.

- Injured Bears DB Mike Brown uses a lot of Chap Stick.

- You know something... I think Joe Buck's been pretty decent today. He's really only annoyed me once, and I had the over/under set at 48.

- Thomas Jones cuts one back, all the way around to the other side... and that'll do it. 15 yards and a touchdown, and it's been a thoroughly earned victory for the Chicago Bears today. 39-14, 4:19 to play.

- 2:00 warning, and FOX has broken out the "Super Bowl Shuffle" music.

- It's officially in the books. Lovie Smith's first interview will apparently be with "The Best Damn Sports Show," because, as always, that is the home of champions.

- Since the Saints had to lose, I'm glad it wasn't in the Superdome. That would've been a pretty depressing thing, and it might've been pretty awkward to watch another team celebrate in front of those people.

- And that... is what makes Reggie Bush Reggie Bush. Colston sets a little screen with a slant route, Reggie runs a little wheel route down the sideline, just outruns the coverage and has the ball lofted right onto his chest by Drew Brees... the rest is Reggie Magic. 88 yards, and it feels like the Saints, even though they're still trailing, have this game by the balls right now.

- Three and out for the Bears, and it looks like Grossman is making every throw off his back foot, and they're all sailing on him.

- Great job by Brees on a 3rd and 5 to step up in the pocket and find Mike Karney, who has small hands and smells like cabbage.

- 3rd and 10 for the Saints at the Bears 29... lots of hands on hips on the Bears side of the ball. It's incomplete to the far sideline, and here comes... Billy Cundiff to attempt to the field goal. It's out of John Carney's range. Billy Cundiff's, too, apparently. The Bears remain in the lead, and get the ball back here in pretty good field position.

- Fox is panning the stands for a crowd shot at a pretty innocuous time of the game... nothing at all going on, and yet, a pissed off Bears fan in an Urlacher jersey steps up and gives the camera the finger. In fairness to him, I don't think he realized it was the special DLP cam, nor did he realize that it was "the mirrors." I think he was mad because he was wearing orange pants and a red-and-blue jacket.

- After an excellent punt, Drew Brees is first to throw the ball away twice... and on the second one, he gets called for intentional grounding, and when you do that in the endzone, it's a safety. And that's the right call, there was no one near the area... terrible mistake by Drew Brees.

- I don't want to make Brees' day even worse, but that big stain on his left shoulder... it might be mud, but it could also be that birthmark thing on his face spreading. He might want to have a dermatologist take a look at it.

- The Bears give it right back on a three-and-out, and I think it was smart to do that quickly... that way, they get their defense back on the field and they have a chance to score.

- After a Saints punt, it's Rex Grossman's time to get back under center at his own 15. Deep out route by Berrian, and Grossman hits him for a first down.

- Grossman again, this time to Muhammad on a short post, and again, the ball was on the money. That'll going to bring us to the end of the third quarter. Should be an exciting finish. And in case you didn't know what quarter was coming up, Brian Urlacher is holding up four fingers.

- Robbie Gould converts another field goal after Cedric Benson slipped on the previous play. That makes it 6-0 Bears, and it probably should be more.

- Incomplete and 3rd and long, and the Saints will punt once again. But hey, at least no one fumbled. Progress, I suppose. The Bears take possession on the good side of the 50.

- Hey, there's Rex... downfield over the middle to Desmond Clark for a gain of 30. Nice job by Clark to shake the coverage, and the throw from Grossman was beautiful.

- Grossman throws the ball away on third down, and again, Robbie Gould is on. He's hit from 19 and 43... and now 24. 9-0 Bears, and it's time for the Saints to shake off their hangover, or fix whatever the hell is wrong with them.

- After one first down on a Brees scramble, Peanut Tillman breaks up a pass over the middle on 3rd and 3. The Saints have gotten nothing at all going since that Brees-to-Henderson completion on the 2nd play of the game. I'm telling you, it wouldn't be like this if the Saints had the good sense to hang on to the dynamic talents of Aaron Brooks.

- It's the Thomas Jones show on this drive, with three straight successful runs, one of them going for about thirty. 98 Bears rushing yards this quarter.

- Thomas Jones continues to try to wrestle the game MVP award away from Robbie Gould. He's touched the ball on every single play of this drive, which now has us at the 2:00 warning. Of course, they've been here before and failed... Robbie Gould could still be called on.

- He will be, but it will be to add the extra point to the Thomas Jones touchdown. It's going to be 16-0 Bears, and the remarkable thing about that is that they've built the big lead while getting a grand total of one good throw from Rex Grossman.

- Finally, a positive offensive play for the Saints... on a 3rd and 10, Brees finds Colston over the middle for a gain of 29... just over a minute to play in the half.

- Brees keeps the mojo going, finding holes in the Chicago zone and putting the football in the perfect place.

- And on this particular play, that place happens to be on Marques Colston's chest in the endzone. Wow. That's quite a shift in momentum there... instead of going into the half down 16, now they're going in down 9 and feeling like they can do what they want in the 2nd half.

- The Bears run the ball on first down, and get nothing. Rex Grossman starts heading to the locker room, apparently unaware that Lovie Smith wants to run another play. So he gets back under center, takes the snap, and throws the ball about 11 yards out of bounds. Then he takes a knee. No one can accuse the Bears of being unoriginal.

- We'll be back for the second half.

- Joe Buck is currently making his way from the field up to the booth. We all pray for a safe and speedy trip there for him.

- Troy Aikman is narrating the emotional childhood-dreams-to-the-NFC-Championship-Game pregame video. Morgan Freeman, he is not.

- Drew Brees gets things rolling with a nice downfield pass to Devery Henderson. The Bears, according to Troy Aikman are going with a nickel package when Reggie Bush or Aaron Stecker are in the game alongside Deuce McAllister. Also, Drew Brees isn't wearing a glove, and no man's choice of handwear has gotten this much attention since Michael Jackson's "Bad" video.

- A Bears sack of Drew Brees takes the Saints out of field goal range... they punt, well into the endzone, and it's Rex time.

- On 3rd down, Rex Grossman makes a pretty nice play to avoid a sack, and then get rid of the football. Things like that will be the most important things he does today. We remain scoreless.

- Uh-oh... Brees is under pressure, and Brees gets pasted from behind. He coughs the ball up, and the Bears refuse to either handle it cleanly or just fall on it. That gives the Saints a chance to punt it away, and that cost the Bears a bunch of yards. Devin Hester gets a few of them back on the return.

- The Soldier Field grass does not look healthy. I mean, I'm all for playing on grass, and being one with the elements and all that, but... it seems like every game this time of year that's not in a dome or Arizona has a terrible playing surface. Grass is nice, but... so is the ability to stand and run. I don't know. I think it's time to embrace the new turf technologies out there.

- Just like last week, Saints CB Fred Thomas is being picked on. I kinda feel bad for the guy. Every time a ball goes his way, someone says, "Well, they're going at Fred Thomas again, because they think he sucks." Has to be rough on his family.

- Marques Colston makes a catch, but then has it stripped... the Bears are all over this one, with Nathan Vasher picking it up and running. And there's the first reeeeally big play of the game. Good field position for Rex and the Bears.

- Cedric Benson is a moose. He's delivering more punishment than he's taking, every time he touches the ball. I think he'll be a factor before it's over.

- Or, he'll just get stuffed on a 3rd and 1, and leave the Bears in a 4th and 1. They call timeout to decide what they're going to do.

- Check that, it was an official's time for a measurement. The Bears are going to go ... and goddammit, now they do take a timeout. How much time do you fuckers need?

- Joe Buck doesn't like the call, in case you were wondering about his opinion. I guess he'll be assuming the role of game analyst here today. Sweet.

- And they go to Benson again on 4th down... and he looks to have it. Rex Grossman tried to call a timeout before the play, which you just can't do. I don't know if it's a penalty or not, but it is impossible to call two consecutive timeouts. I think a ref told Sean Payton that it wasn't a foul.

- And Rex just blatantly misses a wide open guy in the back of the endzone. Just a terrible, terrible, throw. Bad Rex might show up today, and it might not matter.

- Incomplete again on 3rd down, and the Bears will not bring on Robbie Gould... I suppose you could credit the Saints for their defense, but I don't know... Rex Grossman kinda blew that one.

- Oh, dear... Michael Lewis fumbles the ensuing kickoff, and it's like the Saints are saying, "Hey, we know Rex Grossman sucks... let us help you out." The replay is pretty close here on whether or not the ball was out. We'll see.

- Ruling stands. Bears ball.

- That'll do it for the first quarter. Advantage, Bears.

We know the Saints are the sentimental favorite here, but we think it's important to remember the Bears fan: We're not sure that place could handle more than 21 years between Super Bowls. Oh, no, they're havin' another heart attack!

Here's some picks from around the Web.

• Cool Standings: Saints.
• Football Outsiders: Bears.
• Harmon Forecast: Bears.
• Paul Zimmerman: Saints.
• Peter King: Saints.
• Lil' Sean: Saints.
• Dan Shanoff: Bears.
• Kissing Suzy Kolber: Saints.
• Deadspin: Bears. They have been the best all year, and besides ... we're just not sure we can take two weeks of soft focus human interest stories. We just can't.

A tight one here. Whaddya think?

As this court knows, it was determined just last weekend that the New Orleans Saints will play in the National Football Conference Championship game—the first such game in the franchise's forty-year history—against the Chicago Bears in Chicago, Illinois on January 21, 2007 at 2:30 pm. In order to accommodate all fans, including the great majority of the jury pool, the parties involved in this case, and in order to ensure a full jury pool will appears on the first day of trial, Defendants request that the beginning of trial be pushed back two days to January 24, 2007....Defendants request an expedited hearing of this motion so all parties have time to plan accordingly."

A splendid idea, and you know what? They should suspend all relief efforts for the weekend too. Oh, they've kinda already done that.

Saints Postponement Document [Deadspin] (PDF)

(Originally spotted by the WSJ blog.)

With all the drunk quarterback pictures floating around these days, of Rex Grossman and Ben Roethlisberger and Kyle Orton, we thought it wasn't quite fair that Drew Brees remained so free and beloved by everyone other than his mother.

So, here's a modest New Years picture of Brees. It's not the best one, but everyone else has already posted the Eli Manning karaoke pictures, and we felt like we needed to somehow respond, however lamely.

Eli Manning: Karaoke Star In A Football Player's Body [SlamOnline]

As if Eagles fans hadn't suffered enough after their loss to the Saints on Saturday — we think they're taking it hard, too; we still haven't talked to Daulerio — there's this video, which features a rather inspired Saints fan taking it to Eagles boosters outside the Superdome. Mocking them openly is one thing; doing it to the Rocky theme, well, that's just mean.

Gov. Blanco, of course, made her fair share of mistakes after Hurricane Katrina — chronicled by our friends at Wikipedia — and still deals with the aftermath of Katrina every day. Not to say that she doesn't have the right to enjoy the winnings of a football team, but the more the Saints win, the more we hear of their ability to heal a devastated city. We like the Saints, but they are a football team; New Orleans is not going to rise or fall on whether or not Sean Peyton can neutralize the Bears' front four. Not that we'll be able to tell that in the next seven days.

And by the way: We've seen just about enough of Saints owner Tom Benson parading around with his stupid umbrella. You know that the second this guy can move this team, he will, public statements (and potential Super Bowl) aside. We've never liked his little umbrella act in the first place, and now it seems even more fake and wrong.

But other than all that ... uh ... go Saints!

Who Dat? [The Fanhouse]

- And we're going to pause here at the beginning of the 4th quarter to honor the Punt, Pass, and Kick champions. The 12/13 year old female champion is like 6 feet tall. The guy in the same age group thinks he's a player. He's eyeballing the 14/15 year old girl like a piece of meat.

- I think if you put those kids together on a team, they'd beat the winner of Seattle/Chicago tomorrow.

- A rainbow pass from Garcia to Reggie Brown, and a nifty little run from Brian Westbrook get the Eagles into the redzone. Jeff Garcia, no matter how this thing ends, has played pretty well today.

- Great job defensively by the Saints on that third down. Well read by the linebackers, and it's a loss of two. The Eagles have to settle for three, which puts the onus on the Eagles defense here. Akers is good from 24, and it's 27-24, Saints.

- Whoever's calling plays for the Eagles has two guys standing on either sides of him with big white towels stretched out, trying to hide their signals. They look like injured players, the guys who drew this dream assignment.

- The Eagles force a quick three-and-out here, with 9:36 left to play. Eagles take possession at their own 37 yard line.

- But the Eagles can't get anything going, either. Three and out. A couple of defensive stops in a row here, when it seems like we haven't had one in forever. The good news is that they didn't waste a lot of time with their failure. Still 8:20 to play.

- 3rd and 9 here, 5:49 to play... Brees just missed Terrence Copper over the middle. Stop here would be big for the Eagles.

- But they don't get it. Drew Brees hits Marques Colston in the hands with a little slant... why the corner is playing off at that point, I have no idea. But that clock keeps running. 5:12 to go.

- Another first down with about 4:10 on the clock... they allow another first down, and they're done.

- AND OH MY DEAR LORD. A little pitchout from Drew Brees to Reggie Bush goes right through Bush's hands, and the Eagles are on top of it. Just a lack of focus there by Reggie Bush, probably looking ahead to the running lane before he had the ball wrapped up. Huuuuge break for the Eagles. 3:18 to go, and a first down for the Eagles.

- 3rd and 10 for Jeff Garcia and the Eagles. He scrambles, gets it off... and it's incomplete. Couldn't protect him. And at the 2:00 warning, it's a 4th and 10 for the Eagles. Deep breaths...

- Five wide, blitz is on, and Garcia goes over the middle... COMPLETE. Incredible throw... and... ah, Christ. False start. Never happened.

- So the Eagles punt now on 4th and 15, when they just went for it on 4th and 10. I can't stress enough what a great throw that was by Jeff Garcia. 1:48 left to play, Saint ball at their own 22.

- 3rd and 1 for the Saints. One yard... and the glory of Jeff Garcia may be gone forever.

- And it's Deuce McAllister, your MVP on the day... and he has it. I think there may be a little bit of alcohol consumed in New Orleans this evening. Go out there and earn yourselves some gold and black beads, ladies.

- Eagles tackle Shawn Andrews is done for the day... which is not good news...

- Or maybe it is. That little bolt of green and white running down the screen right now is Brian Westbrook, and they're not gonna catch him. Defensive breakdown there, and another Eagles quick strike gets them in the endzone. 21-13, Eagles.

- Reno Mahe's getting an erotic massage on the sidelines. A trainer's got a towel over his ass, while he's in there, kneading him like a loaf of pumpernickel. Mahe's got his face down on the table, so I can't see it, but... I bet it's smiling.

- Duece McAllister gets into the endzone on heart and balls. He looked to be dead at about the four, but he keeps his legs driving, the guys behind him kept pushing, and they just pushed harder than the Eagles. Back to within a point... 21-20, Eagles.

- Jeff Garcia hits Brian Westbrook over the middle, and Westbrook drops it... Garcia gets up yelling, "FUCK." Which happens about 182 times a game, but when I see it, it makes he happy. It's the small things in life.

- Eagles forced into a punting situation, despite good field position... Saints ball, 1st and 10 at the 15, halfway through the third quarter.

- Reggie Bush coughs one up, but Terrence Copper saves the day by diving on the fumble. Hooo... that was fortunate. He was the only Saint within five yards of the ball.

- The Saints had the ball down to the 30, well within David Akers range for a field goal... but a penalty and a sack gets them back to about the 50. Unfortunately for the Eagles, D'hani Jones was busy committing illegal contact on a receiver, nullifying the sack, giving the Eagles five yards instead... a swing of 15 yards, and an automatic first down. And on the next play, Deuce McAllister gets the Saints down to the 10. Huge, huge penalty on D'hani Jones.

- Deuce McAllister on the screen... and a shoulder fake left Jeremiah Trotter with broken ankles. Moose Johnston yelled "YES!" when he crossed the goal line. I don't think he's supposed to do that. But it's 27-21 Saints, and it's started to look a little bit here like the Eagles defense just won't be able to stop the Saints offense. Or at least Deuce McAllister.

- A couple of consecutive first down passes for Jeff Garcia, as the Eagles look to get back on the scoreboard here. That's the end of the third. Tension.

- And Aaron Stecker drops it. Brees did some nice work with his feet, rolled out, bought some time, and put it on the money for Stecker... no dice. Here comes John Carney, for a challenging 23-yarder. It's good. 6-0 Saints.

- I was about to type that there was absolutely no chance that the Eagles could convert that 3rd and 9... and then Jeff Garcia goes deep and finds a wide open Donte Stallworth, double-moving the pants off of Saints CB Fred Thomas. Wide open, perfect throw, and suddenly, the Eagles lead. Fred Thomas is going to need some help out there.

- Right after the first touchdown of the day, FOX comes back with the first "This is Our Country" commercial of the day. I don't think that's a coincidence. And if the number of viewings of that commercial has to equal the number of touchdowns, then I'll go back to a touchdown-free afternoon. Gladly.

- 3rd and 7, the Saints with a nice little drive building... they go with a draw play to Reggie Bush, an odd call on the 3rd and 7, but it works. 1st down Saints, at the Eagles 30.

- The Saints are inside the 10, and here comes another touchdown. I can feel it. The give to Reggie Bush, he bounces it around the opposite end... and he's in. Impressive work from Reginald Bush, and we've got a virtual shootout on our hands now. 13-7, Saints. 5:19 left in the quarter. Solid drive by the Saints.

- 3rd and 11 here for the Eagles, crowd making a lot of noise... Saints blitz, Garcia holds tough in the pocket and gets the ball to Reggie Brown. Great job on the blitz pick-up by the Eagles line, and Fred Thomas, again... that didn't look good.

- Another 3rd down, another blitz, another great job by Garcia. This one to Hank Baskett. There are times when Jeff Garcia looks really, really good. Eagles at the Saints 20.

- Oh, Brian Westbrook... that's not good. Perfectly set-up screen by Jeff Garcia, but Westbook took his eyes off it. Sure touchdown, if he could have just held on. Ouch.

- LJ Smith gets it down inside one on the next play, though... I don't know if he was able to stretch it out across the goal line or not; FOX doesn't have a great angle on it. Moose Johnston keeps saying Smith is down, though, when I don't think Smith is down yet.

- There will be no upstairs review, though... eh, maybe Moose was right. Brian Westbrook's going to make it moot point though, by going over the top on the dive. Good height on that leap, Westbrook... 14-13 Eagles after the Akers extra point, :50 seconds left. Been a nice first half of football.

- :44 on the clock, and Sean Payton is not going to take knees. A sack on second down, though, is probably going to change his mind.

- Maybe not. Timeout, Saints.

- Sacked again, though... and the Eagles call timeout with :24.

- Steve Weatherford, Saints punter, is about to get his shit blocked, but he tucks and runs, and ends up with a first down. That almost worked brilliantly for Andy Reid. But, like all the pregame analysis said... Steve Weatherford is the key to this game.

- :08, Saints at the Eagles 45... incomplete, and they'll have one more shot at it. The Hail Mary is up... OHHHH! Oh. Damn. That was in Marques Colston's hands, but it was just popped out. Yikes.

- DirecTV and FOX salute a guy who lost his home in Katrina, but bravely kept working anyway, to get DirecTV customers "up and running." That's great and all, but hey, DirecTV, how about giving the guy a few fucking days off? Maybe a little extra vacation time? At least a free month of HBO...

- Geez. Tony Siragusa just did that little thing on the field like he was doing a wrestling interview. He's pointing at the camera, snarling, speaking emphatically... "Someone's gonna win tonight, and someone's gonna lose, but the memories are gonna live FOREVER... so call your cable company and buy the pay-per-view! Tonight! In the steel cage!"

- Oh, Reggie Bush just got killed. Biggest hit of the playoffs, by far. Just lifted him right up off the ground, ass-over-tea-kettle. Reggie Bush might not be okay.

- Reggie Bush is okay, as it turns out. He misses a play and gets back in there. 3rd and 10 for the Saints, and the pressure gets to Brees. They'll punt.

- The Eagles will do the same... it looked like Donte Stallworth had a pretty good chance to catch that 3rd and 10 throw from Jeff Garcia.

- Deuce McAllister is a horse. He pounds it up the middle, bowling over people between the tackles. If Shawn Consindine has a personal highlight reel, that's not going on it. The young man was trucked.

- The drive stalls on a couple of incompletions, and here comes John Carney for a field goal. I'm getting just a little bit tired of all the fucking field goals today. I've said "fuck" in this post twice already. That's how much it irritates me.

- And I've gotta go capture video of that t-shirt that was just shown... and here we go:

- I hope she's in some kind of a long-distance relationship with the "West Fuckin' Virginia" guy.

- Tony Siragusa has a team of guys set up to simulate an offensive line, and then some guy playing a defensive end, too. Are these fans? Siragusa's entourage? Camera crew guys? Who's manning the cameras?

- Puntpuntpuntpuntpunt

- Brees deep along the left sideline for Devery Henderson... complete. Best throw of the day so far, and Henderson just beat the corner with pure speed. Brees cooperates with a perfect throw.

- But the quarter's going to end before they have a chance to punch it in to the endzone. That's five touchdown-free quarters. Come on, Saints, let's end this.

The New Orleans Saints have been a nice, inspirational story since that little precipitation problem they had a couple years back. Yes, God owes New Orleans a huuuge apology and a giant squeegee, but hopefully his way of contrition doesn't involve a Saints victory Saturday night. That would completely ruin my smoky evening at the Boathouse in Conshohocken (former home of Ruffhouse Records. Fu-Gee-La-La...) where I'll be watching the game.

Remember? There is a football game this weekend. However, if the Saints win, the NFL will in some way take some credit for saving the broken city. Just bear in mind that the Superdome is only a symbol of hope and renewal to some people; to others, it's still the "hot, crowded building where I stayed for 10 days eating diaper sandwiches and using my dead grandmother as a cot." Even though there is no time for such dreary sentiment, when there is football, Fox will make sure that, regardless of what transpires on the field, you — safe, dry football fan — will not forget that a little less than two years ago, Naw'lins was almost Atlantis.

So this week, I'm putting on my FEMA windbreaker, building a boat out of a pizza box and garment bags, and placing odds on some of the ways Fox and the NFL will go about referencing the Katrina tragedy throughout Saturday night's Eagles/Saints game.

Let's boil some craw daddies, after this jump.

Zydeco Musical Interludes: 1/5

Nary a gamebreak would be satisfactory unless it had generous amounts of horn, accordion and washboards to accompany Fox's football robot. Instead of running in place, or loosening up its neck, I'm suspecting they'll have it doing a Mamou Jitterbug instead. It'll be a subtle reminder that even though part of the area is still a massive grave, everybody's still festive when they hit the Big Easy — especially animated robots.

One-on-One Interviews About the Magical Season: 1/4

Prior to the game, Fox will have sit-downs with Sean Payton, Joe Horn and Reggie Bush about what it means to be a part of this team, this year, and how it has affected the city. They'll talk about how winning is more meaningful to them. How each victory is a gift to a once joyless town. How each touchdown becomes more important and is a statement on humanity. And most important, how Sean Payton's downfield offense matches up against Jim Johnson's blitz happy defense.

The 9th Ward Dance Team: 4/1

What better way to show support for the people of New Orleans and help with the revitalization program than to showcase some of the culture which blossomed in the face of tragedy? These brave women passed the time waiting for federal aid by working out dance routines on their dilapidated roofs. This Fox halftime show was brought to you by "Stomp the Yard," in theaters now!

Moose Johnston's Anecdotal Musings: 5/1

Johnston's job this weekend is to add color to the game in support of Dick Stockton's commentating, and what better way to do so in New Orleans than to give proper perspective and analysis about the field of play?

Stockton: "Pass complete to Colston at the 38 yard line where he's pushed out of bounds..."

Johnston: "Yes, Dick, and it should be pointed out that where Colston caught that ball, that area was where many victims reported seeing various sexual assaults and robberies at gunpoint when they were forced to stay here against their will during the rescue efforts. Goose, you were down there before the game? Can you tell us a little more about that?"

Remember: If the Saints win, there are no longer any issues with New Orleans' reconstruction after Katrina. Worth keeping in mind.

• Cool Standings: Eagles.
• Football Outsiders: Saints.
• Harmon Forecast: Saints.
• Paul Zimmerman: Saints.
• Peter King: Saints.
• Lil' Sean: Eagles.
• Dan Shanoff: Eagles.
• Kissing Suzy Kolber: Saints.
• Deadspin: Eagles. We sense a last-second field goal by David Akers, and we also sense that the world might be comin' to an end, Mal.

Let's see your picks down below, if you're up for such machinations.

Pretty solid Saturday night matchup, too. You've got the Falcons, who spent part of the week fighting rumors that Michael Vick would play running back, and the rest of the week being embarrassed by their head coach, who said he'd like to leave and take Ty Willingham's job at Washington.

And then you have the Cowboys, who were last seen on primetime television getting dickwhipped by the Saints, necessitating a bounceback game tonight from QB Tony Romo. And maybe, just maybe, tonight will be the night when Terrell Owens decides to knife Terry Glenn in the shower, because snitches get stitches.

And of course, there are big playoff implications, too, since there are only three teams in the NFC that have been eliminated from playoff contention. The Cowboys can clinch a playoff spot this weekend if they win and the Vikings lose while the Saints also win. Or, they need the Vikings to lose while the Panthers also lose, or... actually, just forget it. If they make the playoffs, someone will tell you.

The Falcons can't clinch anything, though, and right now, they're on the outside of the playoff bubble. They're tied for a wildcard spot with the Giants and Eagles at 7-6, but they both have tiebreakers over the Falcons.

News And Notes From Week 14 In The NFL ...

• When Bill Simmons mentioned in his column this week that he considered Drew Brees a better choice for SI's Sportsman of the Year than Dwyane Wade, we thought he was bonkers; perhaps too much VH-1? Even if Brees has had a great year and contributed to the general sense of rebirth at the Superdome — well, for the white fans with tickets and, you know, homes anyway — we had a difficult time imagining him worthy of the award for three good months with not even a guaranteed playoff spot. (If he had broken his leg the week after the magazine came out, no one would remember why he had ever been chosen; that's our point.) Anyway, after last night's ridiculousness in Dallas, we aren't quite sure what to make of anything anymore. The Saints curb-stomped the Cowboys last night, 42-17, and frankly they could have scored 60, had they wanted to. The Cowboys had been the hottest team in football, and the Saints ... jeez, the Saints, man, wow. Sean Payton, your presumed coach of the year (and former replacement player, lest we forget), looked like a guy who had coached the Cowboys the last couple of years, and the Cowboys had an overwhelmed, Zook-ian vibe to them. We're not ready to say the Saints are the likely NFC Super Bowl candidate, but they play like they did last night, they'll beat anybody.

• If this were baseball, you could hold out hope that the Colts were the NFL's Cardinals, a team that will limp into the playoffs with one of its worst rosters and catch fire at the right time. But say what you will about Jeff Weaver and Jeff Suppan, but at least those guys could at least trip a guy to stop him from running. The Colts look like they're toast, folks.

• Not that the Patriots are gorgeous right now either; Tom Brady threw for 78 yards yesterday and the Pats were shutout. These teams are unlikely to even make it far enough to have another playoff faceoff.

• We think it's rather awesome that Shawne Merriman, after missing four games because of steroids, is still the favorite for NFL Defensive Player of the Year. The NFL, it's the best.

• Every time we watch Vince Young do something amazing again, we feel pretty stupid about ever getting so worked up about Ron Mexico.

• Edgerrin James has rushed for 100-plus yards two straight games now, enough to make him forget his a Buzzsaw. The Seahawks, by the way, yipes; they're just like the Colts and Pats, playoff relics likely to slip in but not likely to last long.

• From The Mighty MJD Smorgasbord: "Michael Strahan is in a new Subway commercial with Jared, one that ends with them sharing a hearty belly laugh, and I'd like to tell you something about the forced chemistry between the two, and about how it's a weird, uncomfortable, commercial... but I can't. I completely buy that Strahan and Jared are pals. Nothing in the world makes more sense to me."

• Can Reggie Bush string together consecutive good games?
• Will Tony Romo ever do anything other than be awesome?
• After Dallas was nice enough to take some Katrina refugees, if the Saints beat them, will they make New Orleans take them back?
• Did you know that Sean Payton coached Tony Romo in Dallas?

If Payton had his way, Romo would be in New Orleans right now. But when he called Dallas to inquire about his availability, Parcells told him to "lay down on the couch and have some warm milk." But warm milk is gross, and Payton went out and signed Drew Brees, which has worked out okay, too.

The kickoff is at 8:15 on NBC. Hang around and enjoy the game with fellow Deadspinners.

Cowboys-Saints for more than bragging rights [Miami Herald]

The poor soul unfortunate enough to have been caught in the extreme closeup lens of a Getty Images photographer last week, seen here, is New Orleans Saints defensive tackle Hollis Thomas, who yesterday was suspended for four games by the NFL for violating its steroid policy.

Thomas says the substance he tested positive for, clenbuterol, is a key part of his asthma medication; he does not deny using it — it is banned — but said he didn't realize it was in his prescription asthma drugs. (You know, all the kids we knew with asthma in school were always about 50 pounds and wearing coke-bottle glasses. Asthma's moving up in the world, we see. Good work, asthma!) The Saints are appealing the suspension, though it's difficult to see where they could go with it; Thomas admits using the drug, and even though his reasons might be absolutely justified, the rule is the rule, and it is banned.

Steroid Nation looks at the drug itself and thinks something weird is going on; if clenbuterol is truly only a cortical steroid — ones usually used in asthma inhalers — it shouldn't transform into an anabolic steroid, which means there's no real reason for it to be banned. But they're still researching the claim over there. Regardless, it doesn't look like a Merriman situation here; just an unfortunate one, no matter what happens.

Thomas would be available for the playoffs, were the Saints to make it. We'd suggest hiding from the guy with the camera extremely close to his face.

Saints' Thomas Out Four Weeks Due To Steroid [Steroid Nation]
Saints DT Tho