No fewer than three citizen journalists were close enough to the action at the Devils-Rangers game last night to catch these two boisterous New York gentlemen being politely removed by security. The lesson here is that you will never do anything embarrassing for the rest of your days that will not be captured on video and placed on the internet.

The good news is that Rangers won, 5-2. It was only the third time in 101 meetings that they have faced a Devils goalie who was not named Martin Brodeur. Not that these boys were around to see it or anything.

Devils Security Takes on Rangers Fan In Jersey [Hugging Harold Reyonlds]

Cherepanov was not actually signed to an NHL contract and therefore is "technically eligible to be drafted again" even though he is "technically" dead. The Rangers feel that entitles them to a second-round compensation pick in the 2009 entry draft. That's ... fair? But I think it's the touching and compassionate way that the Rangers have addressed the issue that really drives home the pain that Alexei's death has caused.

"It seems now as if that phrase is unintentionally precluding the deceased from being included as eligible for compensation. We understand that this is a sensitive issue, but with all due respect to Alexei's family and his memory, he is technically eligible to be drafted again next year.

We are not attempting to capitalize on a tragedy, but there would be no question regarding the Rangers' right to a compensatory pick if Cherepanov had been revived and survived the incident and were on life support ... If an unsigned player sustained a massive injury on or off the ice, the drafting team would get a compensatory pick."

See? Even if this 19-year-old kid was merely stuck in a persistent vegetative state, the Bruins would still probably draft him and then everyone would agree that New York deserves redress. Everyone just deals with grief in their own way.

With all due respect ... that's kinda fucked up.

RANGERS SEEK PICK FOR LATE PROSPECT [NY Post]
Report: Rangers seek draft pick in wake of Cherepanov's death [ESPN]

Meanwhile in Stockholm, Ottawa and Pittsburgh split their two games series, a 4-3 OT win to the Penguins in game one and 3-1 to Senators in the other. Dany Heatley has three goals so far for the Sens, earning him the title of Champion of European NHL Scoring. All four of those games were sold out too, making this whole European vacation a raging success—unless these teams lose 7 of their first 10 games the way the Ducks did last season after they opened in London. In which, case screw you, Earth, and your stupid rotation. But otherwise, look for many more across the pond games in coming seasons, because ... why the heck not? Hockey pucks are certainly more welcome than Robo-Jason Taylor.

Now hockey fans (and yes, it may not seem like it right now, but we count ourselves among that group. The NHL just doesn't make it easy for us) must sit patiently and wait for the real season kick off on Friday. That's plenty of time to find a way to freeze over your backyard kiddie pool.

• Rangers Czech in with win, [NY Daily News]
• Senators: Losing their looks [Sportsnet]
• NHL Capsules [AP]
• Trips abroad can help forge team ties [Yahoo]

We hooked you up with a little preview yesterday, with some links for your amusement. There are eight games on tap for you puck heads today, so enjoy. Feel free to hang out here and trade jabs all afternoon. Just clean up after yourselves...I'm not mopping up any blood. UPDATE: There is a live blog going on over at Going Five Hole starting at 11:45.

12:00pm ET — Rangers at Lightning [CBC (HD),RDS (HD),NHLN-US,MSG (HD),SUN]
2:30 pm ET — Penguins at Senators [RIS,CBC (HD),NHLN-US,FSN-P (HD)]
4:00 pm ET — Islanders at Bruins
7:00 pm ET — Red Wings at Maple Leafs [Leafs TV]
7:00 pm ET — Wild at Canadiens
7:00 pm ET — Flyers at Devils
7:00 pm ET — Blues at Thrashers
10:00 pn ET — Kings at Coyotes

Surprise! It's Hockey Season! [Deadspin]

He started his internship on Monday, and he's already digging in.

Observers say he's involved in all sections of the magazine, including features and accessories, and attends edit meetings. And while Avery pulled down $2 million last year with the Rangers, he's earning minimum wage for his time at Vogue, a magazine spokesman confirmed, denying speculation Avery was being paid $5,000 for his summer job.

You know, we're not sure why those are different: A minimum wage job for the summer is probably gonna be around $5,000, if not a little more. But nevermind that. We hope this means the inevitable bitchfights around the typical fashion magazine office now involve an actual dropping of the gloves. We want the next Vogue cover model to be toothless, and sporting a mullet.

Reporting For Duty [Women's Wear Daily]

Perhaps next time Jaromir Jagr should Czech his trash talking at the door (PUNTASTIC BURN!!!!) as the not quite Mario Lemieux-level Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin helped to erase a 3-0 Rangers lead to give the Pens a 1-0 series advantage. Jagr had a chance to tie in the waning moments, but clanged it off the goal post. Fellow former Pen Martin Straka got the scoring started, followed a slightly high deflection by Chris Drury and not at all detestable Sean Avery. Straka drew a critical interference call late in the 3rd period that set up the winning goal off Malkin's shin.

• Good Morrow, Sir. Brenden Morrow had two goals, including the game winner in OT to open the Stars series with the Sharks, who now lose home ice advantage after needing seven to take out Calgary. Morrow already has five goals in these playoffs, eclipsing by two his previous career high.
• John H. McConnell, 1923-2008. The majority owner of the Blue Jackets passed away yesterday, casting further uncertainty over the future of the franchise. The Blue Jackets had one of the best expansion seasons in league history in 2000, but failed to live up to the expectations the following year. McConnell was the rare owner to apologize to fans after not meeting expectations.

From Paul's First Letter To The Russians: So the Prophecy according to Bettman didn't come together exactly. The free will of the orange-clad mortal Joffrey Lupul in DC Tuesday night may have altered a few plans. The first of many playoff battles between the league two great young talents, Sidney Crosby and Alexander Ovechkin, just got pushed off until the next testament.

But what's the point of a good Christian fable when Hockey Jesus and his gym class rival lace them up for seven long games? Where's the damn intrigue? The hellfire and the damnation? In a battle of Good vs. Good, Good's probably going to pull it out, even if the victor may be a Geico caveman every now and then.

You want a good story? You're going to need Evil in the Conference Semis.

Enter the New York Rangers. Even though the Commish couldn't get a dream matchup of his two marquee stars, it never hurts to have the league's biggest TV market alive and well in Round 2. After dispatching the Devils in a quick 5, the Blueshirts have been waiting patiently to cast the first stones at Marc-Andre Fleury, the only unbeaten netminder of this postseason. The obvious storyline to gravitate towards would be that of Jaromir Jagr, who spent his early years winning games and avoiding barber shops in Steel Town. He's back to remind you yinzers where he came from. And to stay off his lawn.

But here's the crazy thing. While New York postseason stories are often about just one star player, this Ranger squad actually plays like a complete team. Other than Michal Rosival and Marc Staal, everyone's ice time stayed below 20 minutes in Round 1. And every player not on that dreadful fourth line put the plus in plus/minus. Coach Tom Renney saw his team dispatch New Jersey as a unit, making it easy to fill in the same lineup card each night.

OK, someone fire up the organ. Crank that hymn.

It's true that Ottawa didn't exactly bring their 'A' Game to Pennsylvania, but even if they had, the Pittsburgh Penguins were ready for them. When a team plays dominant hockey, when every battle in the corner comes up in their favor, the stars of the team tend to work on the little things. Hockey Jesus, for example, worked on his passing; his 6 assists have him tied for the league lead. Jordan Staal started winning face-offs once more. And Gary Roberts would like all his fellow members of the Class of 1984 Entry Draft that the reunion will be held at the Radisson in Murraysville once the playoffs are over.

Sure, this is all nice analysis. But you were saying something about a Holy War?

Oh, right. Sean Avery's a New York Ranger, and is the complete opposite of the salvation Crosby's offering to bring the hockey world. Here his is modeling his trademarked Punch Me in the Face Eyewear. Available at concourse fan stands everywhere, as well as NHL.com Shop.

Prediction: Penguins in 7, Avery with 23 PIM.

Two years ago, the Rangers got swept out of the postseason by their Deviled foes, and their revenge came in New Jersey despite the Devils scoring a goal off one of the Rangers' faces (video?). The Devils got their last laugh by ... having their goalie not shaking Sean Avery's hand. Oh ... snap?

"I shook everyone's hand, everyone but one," Brodeur said without mentioning Avery by name. "I don't care how he feels about it."

I'm sure they'll patch things up by the next time they play.

Marty Brodeur: No Shake For Sean Avery [NY Daily News]

(Screengrabbery via The Sports Hernia)

No. 4 New Jersey Devils (46-29-7, 99 Points; Beat the Lightning last postseason before getting ass-whupped by Ottawa) vs. No. 5 New York Rangers (42-27-13, 97 Points; Swept the Thrashers before losing to Buffalo in what someone upstate probably considered "The Battle of New York.")

At Devils home games, there's a fairly common chant in the cheap seats: "Rangers Suck," followed quickly by "Flyers Swallow." On the occasion of this latest installment of "The Battle of the Hudson," and with the Flyers lurking in the conference playoffs as well, we feel it's necessary to examine this observation from the Devils' faithful and determine who, exactly, gets it worse: The Rangers or the Flyers?

Taking into consideration the explicit sexual connotation of the chant, the Flyers appear meant to be the more demeaned of the two teams, reaching a punctuated level of emasculating finality. But the swallower, at least to us, infers someone who has reaped the rewards but hasn't put in the effort; someone, for example, who picks up the bowling trophy without ever having seen a pin go down.

The sucker, as it were, infers someone who has put in the work but does not reach finality or reap any reward. True, the inherent homophobia in the chant makes the sucker as humiliated as swallower; but isn't there something more noble about the workmanlike symbolism in the Rangers' sucking rather than the privileged insinuation of the Flyers' swallowing? Especially if the work is the reward for the Rangers. Or, as Pearl S. Buck once said: "To find joy in work is to discover the fountain of youth."

OK, considering the chant, perhaps using a quote with the word "fountain" may not have been appropriate. Or a quote from someone named "Pearl," now that I think of it.

Key Match-Up for New Jersey: Any Devil against Jaromir Jagr. Ever since the days of Scott Stevens concussing anyone he could lay a shoulder into, the Devils have always had an effective game-plan against Jagr. Whether it's Jay Pandolfo or John Madden or Colin White or David Clarkson, New Jersey will flat out piss Jags off - might like they did when these teams last met in the postseason, and Jagr injured his arm trying to punch Scott Gomez in the back of the head. If the Rangers are going to win, they need Jagr to not be the streaky headache he's been in the regular season.

Key Match-Up for New York: Sean Avery against any Devil. Everyone's favorite asshole has already stirred the pot against Marty Brodeur, Zach Parise and Clarkson this season. Avery scrapped with Clarkson yesterday, in fact. He's not scoring much these days, but Avery certainly knows how to get under your skin and get you off your game. He could be the most annoying thing New Jersey's seen since gay governor jokes.

Worst Case Scenario for New Jersey: The series goes six games, preventing the Devils from setting a franchise record with four sellouts in the first round of the playoffs. (I kid, I kid.) Oh, and four words: Starting Goalie Kevin Weekes.

Worst Case Scenario for New York. Chris Drury fails to conjure up any postseason magic, Lundqvist is outplayed by Marty, and Jagr says "fuck this shit" and gets on a plane for Omsk by Game 3.

Well, If You're Going To Twist My Arm: Devils in seven. I have tickets to Game 2 in Jersey. Yes, I'm already warming up my vocal chords.

Vital YouTubeage: Teach your children well...even if they're Islander fans:

No. 4 Anaheim Ducks (47-27-8, 102 Points; Current keepers of the Big Silver Thingy) vs. No. 5 Dallas Stars (45-30-7, 97 Points; Wasted three Marty Turco shutouts and lost to Vancouver in Round One)

Has another team gone from somewhat acceptable Stanley Cup champion to completely loathsome as quickly as the Anaheim Ducks? I mean, besides the 1995 Devils?

Seems like just yesterday we were happy for Teemu Selanne on the occasion of his first Stanley Cup; joyful that the Bros. Niedermayer were able to drink from the same silver chalice; happy for J-S Giguere for winning the big prize after dealing with the difficult birth of his newborn son early in the playoffs; and generally in awe of everything George Parros.

Fast forward a season, and Selanne and Scott Niedermayer are lazy veterans whose procrastination and eventual success may lead to a rewriting of the NHL rulebook; the Ducks are viewed as a collection of physical brutes, led by perhaps the most talented thug this side of Tupac in Chris Pronger; heck, even Parros's mustache doesn't turn the key anymore.

Meanwhile ... hey, remember when everyone was about to hand Dallas the Stanley Cup after the Brad Richards trade? Well, since then, he's been outscored (12 points) by both of the forwards who went to Tampa Bay - Jussi Jokinen (18 points) and Jeff Halpern (14 points). The Stars are also missing defenseman Sergei Zubov, which would really hurt if they had a chance in hell of winning the Stanley Cup this season.

Key Match-Up for Dallas: The Stars' power play against the Ducks' kill. If Dallas has a prayer of winning this series, it needs hang goals on that Anaheim defense whenever it can - especially with the Ducks missing scorer Corey Perry and having a second line that fluctuates between being pointless and worthless. Anaheim's kill was 12th in the League; Dallas went 9-for-23 on the power play in its five wins over the Ducks this season and 0-for-15 in its three losses. I'm no math major, but...

Key Match-Up for Anaheim: Chris Pronger's elbow against any player whose head is about that height. Pronger just finished his suspension for trying to break a Ryan Kesler scissor-lock by slicing off Kesler's leg with his skate. Please recall last postseason, when Pronger was suspended twice for violent infractions against smaller players. This does not bode well for Mike Ribeiro.

Worst Case Scenario for Dallas: After a one-postseason reprieve, Marty Turco's five-hole once again becomes as well-trafficked as the Lincoln Tunnel.

Worst Case Scenario for Anaheim. The offense is non-existent, Marty outplays Giggy and Pronger has another "episode" that derails his postseason.

Well, If You're Going To Twist My Arm: Ducks in six. Turco's good for a couple of wins, but Anaheim's physical advantage is too much for the Stars. And Dallas losing the first round is, at this point, a rite of Spring.

Vital YouTubage: Trying to win a truck with a parody of "The Office." Needs less Duck, more Schrute.

More Arnie/Ducks photos found here.

And that's good, 'cause Avery's looking a little cheap compared to his honor. Avery was linked to Maison de L'Amour (House of the Dirty Fucking, if I know my French) the "madam's midrange prostitution service, farming hookers out to Manhattan hotels for $500 dates. High-rollers went to her Wicked Models service, where prices started at about $1,200 and went upward of $3,900."

Oh, so you're pulling in $1.9 million a year and you can't even get a decent hooker? Some "Animal" you are.

"I feel sad, when you're sad ... I feel glad, when you're glad ... If you only knew, what I'm going through ... I just can't smile without..." Oh, sorry — you see, along with being your humble hockey Closer, I'm also a hockey fan. One whose favorite team is now 0-7 against the Rangers this season, and is in such a late-season collapse they might as well play the rest of their home games at Shea Stadium. Ah well, sunshine and rain: At least Ovechkin's alive and the Leafs are finally dead. Have another donut, Marty...

All right, that was a little harsh. It's not your fault, Chubs, because we both know the Devils aren't even in the conversation this year if you didn't save their bacon at every turn. And the game-winning goal in last night's 3-2 loss at MSG was a fluke by Nigel Dawes of the Rangers: Chris Drury's pass attempt was kicked out by Brodeur as Dawes was taken down in front of him; the puck went off of Dawes's shoulder and rebounded back over the goal line, moments before Dawes himself crashed into the net. (Dawes has scored four of the Rangers' 14 goals against Marty this year, which is just nuts.)

Again, it was the kind of goal a team surrenders when its season is swirling around the porcelain like last night's Taco Bell. I raised the New York Mets/regular season collapse concept about the Devils earlier; the analogy isn't perfect, because the Devils were never the paper champions the Mets were, but this palpable sense of a rapidly decomposing season is a shared experience. And this Devils team's offense — coming to the back of a milk carton near you — is reminiscent of the most frustrating kind of losing baseball team: The ones who you watch strand on a runner on second base with one out in the sixth inning, and you're absolutely certain that'll be their last best chance to put a run on the scoreboard for the rest of the night.

So, in summary: My fan-hatred of the Rangers is now at postseason levels, the Devils third-best offensive option is their third-line checking center and they're five points away from missing the playoffs. Weeeee, hockey!

The Battle for the Bottom. Capitals fans: Don't forget to include Karri Ramo on your holiday card list this year. The Tampa Bay goalie's sleepy reaction to Alexander Semin's rocket shot from the face-off allowed Washington to tie the game. (Tampa was rather jobbed on the icing call to set it up, sending Tortorella into angry Fonzie mode.) In overtime, Ramo flopped around like a salmon on a pile of lingonberries (yea, Finland!) looking for a loose puck, allowing Tomas Fleischmann to score into an empty net for a 4-3 Capitals victory. Ovechkin loved this win...almost as much as how his girlfriend smells.

How-ev-uh, the teams the Capitals are chasing just aren't that into losing right now. The Bruins — despite losing spark-plug Chuck Kobasew for 4-to-8 weeks with a broken leg — used a nice veteran goal from Glen Murray on the power play to beat the Leafs, 4-2; remaining tied with Philly, two points ahead of Washington for the last playoff berth, with both teams having a game in-hand on the Caps. But more importantly for the rest of the hockey world: Boston officially ended "Operation: Cock-Tease" last night for Toronto. "Another failure. It sucks," said defenseman Bryan McCabe; I'm sure he'll recycle that line when the Leafs start adding bodies to the locker room in the off-season.

The eulogies for the beloved Leafs continue to pour in. Around the Harbour offers a musical tribute to hating Toronto. The Renegade Librarian takes the controversial stance that McCabe may, indeed, be the one that sucks. And Eyes on the Prize has perhaps the most graphic celebration of the Leafs' blowing; they included this image, which is our own tribute to the steadfast dedication of the Toronto fan:

Turco = Thug. I wish those stat wizards at the Elias Sports Bureau could tell us the winning percentages for teams whose goalies take a four-minute high-sticking penalty in overtime, because I'm guessing they're pretty fucking low. Marty Turco nailed Joe Pavelski in the mug just 1:15 into overtime; Pavelski then drew another penalty, a hook on Trevor Daley, and Joe Thornton scored his second goal of the night to top Dallas, 3-2. "[It was] nothing short of dumb. There's no excuse. Whatever I was trying to do, it doesn't matter," said Turco in a candid postgame assessment.

The win gave San Jose 102 points and nearly wrapped up the division title. Mike Chen gets out the checklist for the San Jose Sharks, and discovers that they've addressed every single criticism thrown at them this season. Which makes them the favorites to win the Stanley Cup ... until Patrick Marleau starts playing like blit meat in the postseason.

In Other Life-Altering Action Last Night. Sidney Christ returns to Earth, plays 20 minutes and doesn't earn a point in the Penguins' 3-1 win over the Islanders, which put Pittsburgh in the conference top spot. Jarkko Ruutu plays nine minutes and has a goal and two assists. And hamburgers eat people. ... OK, so that 3-2 loss to the Thrashers might have crushed the Panthers' playoff hopes. But if you're going to hit the greens early, might as well be in Florida, right? ... Buffalo topped Ottawa in the skills competition, 4-3. More importantly: Did you know that whenever Mike Fisher scores at home, the Senators play a Christian rock song written especially for him? ... Oh, and Los Angeles and Phoenix played a game and had a result. ... If the playoffs started today, the Penguins would be beginning their sweep of Boston while Steve Downie and Riley Cote would be trying to figure out which Habs forwards to headhunt.

Puck Headlines

* There's plenty I'd like to change about the NHL. But expanding the Stanley Cup Playoffs to 20 teams ranks somewhere between cleaning the ice with a mule-drawn zamboni and swapping out sticks for stale baguettes. [Yahoo! Sports!]

* "The stealth inclusion of short-printed UD Black preview cards has created some great excitement around 2007-08 Upper Deck ICE Hockey." Meanwhile, the fucking '89 Griffey rookie in a sealed factory set that was going to put my kid through college is worth bupkis. Thanks, sports card market crash...thanks a lot. [Sports Card Forum]

* A rather touching story about pond hockey friendship between Dale Hawerchuk and Scott Arniel. Much better than a touching Rather story by the "Kenneth, what is the frequency?" mugger. [The Whig Standard]

* Non-sports item of the day: As a huge "X-Files" geek (before it became teh suck), this poster will hang right next to the UFO/"I Want To Believe" one in my Mulder-esque office hovel. [Ain't It Cool]

* They might be tournament favorites, but the Michigan Wolverines are shivering like frightened kittens in a cold rain about facing North Dakota again. [Goon's World]

* Finally, Mirtle put together a rather interesting list of the top forwards and defensemen that draw penalties. Crosby leads the list with 3.1 penalties drawn per 60 minutes; Sean Avery and his stupid big mouth draw 2.4 penalties. His sample was no doubt too miniscule, so Peter Forsberg didn't make the cut. But it's pathetic dives like this one against the Canucks this week that have nerds on the HF Boards wondering if he's a victim of "the earth's magnetic force."

Clare, get a Flyers chant going on while I'm gone.

Nent-nent-nen-nen-nent.

Courtney Prince, the Rangers City Skater who had the suit going against MSG, has settled her case.

The Garden vigorously fought the allegations, rejecting an $800,000 deal proposed by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and questioning Prince's mental health in court papers.

Two weeks after the Garden agreed to pay $11.5 million to settle a suit by former Knicks exec Anucha Browne Sanders, arena honchos also bit the bullet in the Prince case.

We can't imagine how bad this case would have been. We mean, Prince is actually an attractive woman; we assume the charges would have been even more salacious. Shame, pity, really.

MSG Settles Sexual Harassment Suit [New York Daily News]
Lawsuits: Rangers' Way Vs. Knicks' Way [Randball]

The face-off between the hockey clubs from New York State's No. 1 and No. 2 cities set the stage Monday for a possible friendly wager between Mayors Byron W. Brown of Buffalo and Michael R. Bloomberg of New York City. But when Brown's office called to set one up, Bloomberg's office declined. "I hope Mayor Bloomberg's reluctance to wage a bet is not a sign of his lack of confidence in the Rangers' chances against the Sabres," Brown said.

No, we suspect that it's a sign of a lack of quality items for Bloomberg to include in the bet. So let us intercede. Buffalo can offer a case of chicken wings and a Chuck Schumer For President t-shirt. Bloomberg can then put up two of the following:

• A dozen Taco Bell rats.

• A pair of tickets to the Spider-Man musical.

• Don Imus microphone and used Levis.

• Coleman ice chest filled with black snow.

• "I'd Do Her" campaign button.

• Can of heat balm once used by Mookie Wilson.

Of course there's also the possibility that Buffalo has absolutely nothing that Bloomberg would want.

Hockey Frenzy Rachets Up To Next Level [The Buffalo News]

But we didn't expect it to come to this: MSG is claiming that she's suffering from "hypersexuality."

In the sweeping counterattack, Garden attorney Melissa Rodriguez said Prince's behavior "is not surprising as she suffered from bipolar disorder, a classic symptom of which is hypersexuality."

The skaters claim Prince pretended to simulate sex on the ice during one practice and regularly coached skaters to appear more "fuckable." She also grabbed other skaters' breasts and used explicit terms to describe their anatomy, the skaters said.

God, aren't lawsuits just the best? They really bring out the best in everyone.

Hockey Cheerleader And Her Passion For Sex [WBRS Sports Blog]

You know who doesn't like them, though? Goaltenders.

Rangers goaltender Henrik Lundqvist declined to move and used his stick to whack the squeegee Kelli Higgins, 23, was using to push the snow into a pile during the first TV timeout, knocking the butt end of the squeegee stick into her stomach. "I said 'Excuse me' maybe two or three times," Higgins said. "He didn't move and didn't say anything, so I gave up and went around him. The tip of my squeegee kind of hit the tip of his stick. I don't know if he thought I did that on purpose or whatever, but he took a big windup and slashed the squeegee pretty good. It startled me a little bit. It didn't feel great, but I wouldn't say I was injured or in a ton of pain. I was shocked."

And then it got worse:

The Ice Girls alternate jobs, and Chanel Benson, 19, had the squeegee during the second TV timeout. This time, a linesman told her to clean around Lundqvist, 24, but not in the crease or the net. As she was leaving the ice, Benson skated near the boards in front of both benches, which are separated only by a panel of glass located at the center red line. "All of a sudden, my back got wet," said Benson, who was wearing a standard outfit of pants and top that leaves the midriff area exposed. "I believe one of the Rangers players who was sitting along the wall spit on my back. It had to be on purpose because I wasn't directly in front of anyone to spit and not realize I was there."

You know, you have to be rather fired up and grouchy to spit on an Ice Girl. We mean, come on now.

Ice Girls Want Rangers Called For Slashing, Spitting [Newsday]

Hockey blogger James Mirtle points us to a story involving New York Rangers rookie Ryan Hollweg. Apparently, says the New York Daily News, Hollweg urinated on some lady's feet over Memorial Day weekend.

The details, just to quote from them:

"I went up to him and started talking to him about the Rangers," says a 25-year-old female fan, who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "Then I noticed something dripping on my feet and I thought he was spilling his drink. But then I realized he was urinating. Most beers aren't that warm." She added that Hollweg had been drinking, but up to that point had been a perfect gentleman and was "speaking coherently."

Considering hockey players, from what we can tell, are able to withstand unthinkable brutality and just smile and barely notice the pain, we just assume that none of them, in fact, have nerve endings. So he probably had no idea what he was doing.

Hollweg's Unfortunate Outing [James Mirtle]
Leak To Press Is Bad Pee R. For Ranger [New York Daily News]