This is actually one of the least brutal ones. Fittingly, Every Day Should Be Saturday and Lt. Winslow contributed to this. We're now scared to leave the house, or drink extra-strong cough syrup.

FootballLOL [The Great Barstoolio]

After briefly scanning through some of the site's previous entries, it's obvious that some of you clever wordsmiths could do wonders with posts like "Asian Muscle Part Two" or "Pure Canadian Muscle: Autumn Rady"

And, maybe, if you're lucky you could branch out into some of the other sites, like "Shemuscle.com" and "Girlsgotlegs.com" , which are guaranteed to haunt your dreams for all eternity.

So, if you've been searching for that unique opportunity that would combine your love of blogging with your love of, oh, nude ladies with calve muscles the size of a baby's head, then this is perfect.

Editor Lori Braun says the perfect candidate will be able to churn out 5-6 posts per day, be creative, and can be of any particlar sexual orientation. She says you don't have to be a lesbian. It's not even preferred! In fact, most of the women who are featured on her site(s) are surprisingly straight as a ruler. So, straight hetero males interested in fitness and/or making fun remarks or just ogling sporty celebrities or females who have overly-defined musculature are welcome. (Paging, Christmas Ape...)

Interested parties should email editor Lori . Immediately.

WTF [Gawker]

(Photo: Shemuscle.com)

Patrick Tribett of Ohio was nabbed for "abusing harmful intoxicants." Hey, at least he huffed in team colors. (That one was from The Smoking Gun, actually).

Mugshotdujour.com
It Ain't Just Paint [The Smoking Gun]

The team is made up of 11 dwarves (average height: 4ft.) who travel Brazil playing youth teams in an effort to raise awareness for dwarfdom through their stubby-legged soccer prowess.

And just like their full-sized contemporaries, these Brazilian soccer little people also take on nicknames. The Gigantes star player, Cazemiro Ribeiro, is known on the field as "Vagner Love," which just sounds completely distasteful when affixed to a dwarf.

The pictures throughout the story in the Daily Telegraph remind me of a nicotine patch-induced dream I had one time. Enjoy.

Brazillian dwarves who are giants of football [Telegraph UK]
Dwarf Soccer Team Becoming a Big Hit in Brazil [SBB]

"It's a family event and there will be children there," a police spokesperson told the New Zealand media, asking the 70,000 fans expected at the event to show "a sense of decency." While some New Zealanders told the national media that they would prefer to see more emphasis on the rugby and less on some fans' "self-serving exhibitionism," the sudden attack on the two-day tournament's long-established dressing-up culture left others reeling. Participants are long-used to seeing men in drag and women dressed as sailor girls or policewomen on the terraces for the tournament, said critics who called police fashion prudes.

New Zealand fans are none too happy about his, and plan to protest the event. How does this effect us? I'm not sure, but suddenly I have the urge to load a slingshot with kiwi fruits and go hunting for squirrel.

New Zealand Rugby's "Mankini" Fans Protest Ban [Yahoo Sports]
Police Crackdown On Sevens Tournament (Plus Photos) [New Zealand Herald]

As most of you know, today is my last day writing for Deadspin. Thanks to everyone for putting up with my NBA Closers, weekend nonsense and drunken Nightmare Ant posts over the last couple of months. I sincerely appreciate all the best wishes I've read in the comments and received via e-mail. Truth. I'm going to print them out and roll around in 'em ... naked.

Of course, I also want to thank Will for trusting me with the Gawker log-in info — password: hankypankiel — and allowing me write whatever the hell my cold, little Canadian heart desired. I really can't thank him enough for this opportunity, though I'll try hard if I ever meet the guy. (Sager bombs and karaoke!)

And with that hurried "goodbye," I'm done. Take care, everyone, and you'll be hearing from me around these here Internets soon enough. Bye!

Majerus kept telling [former Utah player Michael] Doleac that he needed to keep six inches between himself and his opponent in the post. When Doleac was caught shortly after leaning on his man, the coach erupted. "'Jesus f###in Christ, Doleac! When a guy catches the ball in the post, you gap him six inches!'" Doleac recalls Majerus yelling. "Then he turns to the guys sitting on the baseline and says, 'Six f###in inches,' and he says, 'the size of the average white dick!' and pulls it out."

With the possible exception of the hotel wrestling scene in Borat, that is the very last thing on Earth I'd ever want to see. But I guarantee you that I'll be gapping my man six inches from now on. I'd suggest you do the same.

(The Nightmare Fuel tag drops dead, is carted off the court on a stretcher).

Rick Majerus Loves Being Naked [Larry Brown Sports]

Something showed up on his bottom, and as you can imagine, it wasn't pretty:

Brian McNamee told federal authorities last summer that Roger Clemens developed an abscess on his buttocks about the same time that McNamee said he was giving him steroid injections during the 1998 season, according to a lawyer with knowledge of details of the case.

For McNamee And Clemens, A New Dispute [New York Times]
Controversy Over Clemens's Steroid Use Becomes Pain in the Butt [Steroid Nation]

I'm pretty sure that these aren't what they'll be using in the Beijing Olympics; the actual suits will look more like this, no doubt. These were from Beijing's swimwear fashion show on Thursday, which is all part of China's push to make Beijing one of the big players in the world fashion industry. Can China achieve world swimwear dominance, and oppress Tibet at the same time? That would be quite a feat.

Sexy Swimsuit For 2008 Beijing Olympics [Ah Boon]

Named after revolutionary war general 'Mad Anthony' Wayne, for whom Wayne County, Michigan is also named, 'Nightmare Ant' — or 'Mad Ant' as he's known in some circles — is all fucking business. He enjoys weight lifting; crashing picnics; and making you piss your bed.

He "pretends" to be the official mascot for the Pistons and Pacers' developmental league team: the Fort Wayne Mad Ants, but it's all just a front. 'Nightmare Ant' is Deadspin. He is your overlord. Sleep tight, kids.

(Um, I have no idea what's going on here. I'm just gonna stop. Enjoy your Saturday night.)

You'll have to swing by NBC to see all twelve of the Gladiators pics and bios, but be forewarned: Hellga's not even close to the scariest looking female of the bunch. (My early vote goes to Fury. Yikes!)

And oh, that male Gladiator Wolf we kept hearing about? He actually looks like a wolf! I cannot wait for this show to start!

American Gladiators Bios [NBC] (via We Are The Postmen)

Each of the creatures is distinct and special - both in personality and in appearance. One is big, gentle and shy . . . one is small, mischievous and outgoing . . . and one is a natural-born leader with a passion for protecting the environment. All three are mythical creatures with roots in local legend. One is a sasquatch. One is a sea-bear. And one is an animal guardian spirit. They are all, to say the least, unique.

And, for the first time ever, there will be an official "mascot sidekick" — an Olympic character that didn't make the final cut, but will play on the practice squad, as it were.

A fourth character was selected as a 'mascot sidekick.' "We never intended to have a sidekick," said Gardiner, "but Mukmuk was so cute and such a perfect friend to the other characters that we had to keep him!" So history was made - the Vancouver Games is the first to have an official mascot sidekick.

Translation: Mukmuk is gay.

Looks like I'm going to need plenty of aspirin over the next two years.

Vancouver2010.com
The Honor Of Olympic Mascots Is Restored [Everything's Corner]

We showed this to Daulerio over at Philly Mag via IM, and we had the following conversation:

AJ Daulerio: Holy shiiit.
Will Leitch: I know!
Will Leitch: It's like the worst PSA of all time.
Will Leitch: I've watched it, like, six times.
AJ Daulerio: It really is. I mean, it was bad enough in the beginning and then it just takes this hard left turn.
AJ Daulerio: They should've had the oven fall on top of her too.
Will Leitch: And then a dog comes and starts gnawing on her face.
AJ Daulerio: And then the busboys start raping her.
Will Leitch: And then someone blows up the restaurant.

102-year-old pensioner Nora Hardwick poses topless and becomes one of the oldest women ever to appear in a nude calendar. The former councillor, from Lincolnshire, became Miss November to raise cash for her local football team, Ancaster Athletic.

Wait'll you see Miss December.

Granny, 102, In Nude Calendar [The Sun]

(UPDATE: Not surprisingly, de la Hoya's people are claiming the photos are fake. We still have our doubts.)

Channeling the pictorial subtlety of Jeff Reed, an anonymous German soccer player had such team spirit, he decided to carve his team's crest into his, um, "man mane." The coat-of-arms, as you see here, is a little too intricate for just one patch of pubic hair, so he just did the little waves in the yellow portion.

For more information you can read the accompanying German article, featuring a larger picture of the shaven crest (thank God). With nothing else to say about this, I threw the article into Babelfish. All I really learned is that the pubic hair region lies between the belly and the "Lenden," that the waves in the coat-of-arms represent deer antlers, and the German phrase for "pubic hair" roughly translates to "shame hair."

While I can't imagine who would want to draw attention to one's pubic hairdo, in the end, I suppose there are worse logos to carve there.

Der Intimrasierte Mann [W.W.F.U.]
VfB-Wappen als Intim-Rasur [Bild.T-Online.de]

On seeing this photo, my first reaction was to dive in and rescue the little girl from the terrifying, giant rat. But no, evidently it's a squirrel. This is how the Visalia Oaks (Class-A California League) described their mascot, when they were advertising for someone to wear the suit:

"Chatter, a lovable squirrel is the face of the Oaks in the ballpark and at many community events around Visalia. The Oaks' #1 squirrel, Chatter hangs out with kids, fans and likes baseball. What will your personality add?"

Um, lawsuits?

But thankfully I was not chosen. Whoever is in there is now delighting fans with his loveable antics, which must be a pure joy to watch. Hmm, I wonder ... how many people do you suppose Chatter has murdered? Wait, what's that sound? "Chatter? Chatter ... NO!"

Following the jump: You, too, can win a red Swingline Stapler ... and the thrill of mustache competition!

Fun promotions this week:

• Case Of The Mondays. Monday, July 30. Brevard County Manatees (Class-A Florida State League). In what I believe to be a stroke of pure genius, every Monday at Space Coast Stadium is Case Of The Mondays, in which one lucky fan wins not only a case of delicious Coca-Cola, but also treasured items from the film Office Space. Included will be a miniature red Swingline Stapler, an Initech Coffee Mug, a 'PC Load Letter' sticker for your office's printer, some 'flair' and other stuff. So if you could just go ahead and come on down to the park on Monday, that would be greeaaat.

• Syracuse's Best Moustache. Sunday, July 29. Syracuse Chiefs (Class-AAA International League). Chiefs staff will scour the stands for awesome mustaches, and four finalists will be chosen for a mustache face-off during the eighth inning. Plus, Sal Fasano autographed bats, and $1 moustaches painted onto your child's face! It all culminates with the crowning of the Finest Mustache In All Of Syracuse winner, whom Bush will then try to appoint to the Supreme Court.

• Awful Night V. Tuesday, July 31. Altoona Curve (Class-AA Eastern League). Among the awful events this night are the mascot race which has no finish; a dry slip-'n-slide, and the ever-popular and frustrating helium balloon toss. And be sure to stop by the snack bar for a liverwurst-and-whipped cream sandwich. Plus, sporks will be given away, and there will be a post-game "Laaser Show" which will consist of Altoona Curve staffer Jon Laaser dancing with glow sticks. [Thanks to Benjamin Hill]

• Best Of Borat Night. Wednesday, Aug. 1. Fort Myers Miracle (Class-A Florida State League). This seems somewhat late to me (you may as well have a Salute to Anchorman Night), but what the heck, I'll play along. "I like sex! Is nice!"

• Simpsons Night. Thursday, Aug. 2. Lake Elsinore Storm (Class-A California League). Not only is it Simpsons Night, but it's also Thirsty Thursday (Woo Hoo!). One beer per customer (DOH!).

• Bobblebelly Of The Moment. El Guapo Night. Nashua Pride (Independent Can-Am League). A reader reports from the heart of the action: "Here's what the Rich Garces "Bobble Belly" looks like. It was given away to Nashua Pride fans as part of "El Guapo Night." Garces came in to close the game with his team up 7-5 in the ninth, gave up a home run on the first pitch, and allowed two more runs to blow the game, which kind of put a damper on things." [Thanks to Mortimer Zeising]

• Bobblefoot Of The Moment. Tuesday, July 31. West Michigan Whitecaps (Class-A Midwest League). Of all his body parts, the great Ty Cobb was most proud of his feet; which he used to spike his opponents with apparent impunity. Now you can recreate the bloody basepath havoc in your own home, if, that is, you are one of the first 1,000 lucky fans to arrive at Tuesday's game against the Peoria Chiefs, where you will receive your very own Ty Cobb Bobble Foot doll.

We need your Minor League tips! Send any photos, game reports, promotion news or notes on squirrel activity to RickChand@GMail.com. And thanks!

Because "ESPN First Take" is a revolutionary step in the world of sports programming, Skip Bayless and whoever the other person forced to sit across from him was were discussing who should win ... the ESPYs. (Television at its finest!) Anyway, Bayless did little but drool over Arizona softball star Taryne Mowatt. Learning that Skip Bayless has sexual urges is terrifying, and caused the Futon Report to come up with this face-melting PhotoShop that we share with you, because, well, we don't want you to sleep tonight either.

Skip Bayless, Stop Talking About Taryne Mowatt Like That [The Futon Report]

Wade Campbell threatened to shoot his son's Little League coach when the 12-year-old didn't see enough playing time, the coach alleges. Police arrested Wade Campbell, 46, Sunday after he called the coach and told him "he was going to be shot down like a dog and that they 'f—-— with the wrong East Sider," according to a criminal complaint charging Campbell with making terroristic threats.

Judging from dad's photo, we can only imagine how lithe, athletic and fleet on the basepaths Campbell's son must be. We're sure he's indistinguishable from Benny Rodriguez in The Sandlot, and this is all just politics, pure and simple. Campbell's son should be playing every inning of every game! This is bullshit, man!

They're Not As Good As My Kid [Twin Cities.com]
First A Tirade, Then A Threat To Shoot Coach, Charges Say [Minneapolis Star Tribune]

Monday is the West Michigan Whitecaps' gigantic, festive Salute to Bubbles, and not a moment too soon. The night will feature two giant bubble machines that will produce more than a million bubbles per hour, and there will be special bubble giveaways before and during the game.

But the main attraction will be an appearance by the clown team of Mr. and Mrs. Bubbles, shown here preparing to drop their pants and fire a rocket, as they say. We've discovered that Mr. and Mrs. Bubbles, who have been entertaining Michigan residents for years with their delightful antics, are members of the Fellowship of Christian Magicians, who describe themselves on their Web site as follows:

We teach how to use the visual illustrations and develop talent for Gospel presentation using sleight of hand, optical illusion, ventriloquism, puppets, balloons, clowning, juggling, storytelling, and other visual arts as they develop for this one cause, visually promoting the Word of God.

The part of the Sermon on the Mount they don't tell you about:

JESUS: So how is school treating you, Billy?
VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY: Not so good. I have to walk 10 blocks to get there.
JESUS: When I was a kid, I didn't think anything of walking several miles to school.
VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY: Well I don't think too much of it either. (Laughter).

Other promotions, the leaders in the Worst Song in the World voting, and a woman who sees dead people, after the jump.

• Worst Music Of All Time Night. Tuesday, June 26. Long Beach Armada (Independent, Golden Baseball League). Though a winner will not be announced until game time, the race for the worst song of all time is coming down to the wire in Long Beach. Voting has been heavy for We Built This City by Jefferson Starship, Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray Cyrus, Mmmm Bop by Hanson, Gerrardo by Rico Suave, Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice, Too Legit to Quit by MC Hammer and Party All the Time by Eddie Murphy, any of whom could win this thing. Get your vote in now!

• Petrol-Palooza Gas Giveaway. Monday, June 25. Birmingham Barons (Class-AA Southern League). On this day ticket prices will be identical to the price of a gallon of gas (general admission = regular unleaded), and one lucky fan will get a $250 gas card courtsey of Napa Auto Parts. Fill 'er up with excitement! Offer not good for Tony LaRussa!

• Nothing Night . Monday, June 25. Lake Elsinore Storm (Class-A California League). The team's staff honored this promotion last season by doing absolutely nothing at the ballpark, so I assume that this year's event will be the same. No PA announcer, no mascot, no concessions, nada. Enjoy.

• Garrett Fahrmann Tribute Night. Wednesday, June 27. Fresno Grizzlies (Class-AAA Pacific Coast League). Tired of honoring celebrities such as Bob Barker, Kevin Federline and Cher, the Grizzlies will instead pay tribute their own VP of operations. The game will include a special behind the scenes look at Fahrmann's rapid ascent from humble beginnings as a farm kid from rural Iowa to a position of power with a Class-AAA team. Also, anyone with an Iowa ID will be admitted free.

• Mike Tyson Ear Night. Thursday, June 28. Fort Myers Miracle (Class-A Florida State League). Free facial tattoos? Discount admission for those with partially missing ears? I have no idea. If you go, please write and tell me what happens.

• Salute To The Pickle. Tuesday, June 26. Mahoning Valley Scrappers (Class-A New York-Penn League). On this magical night, the first 1,000 fans to enter Eastwood Field will receive their own pickle. Plus, there will be pickle-related activities before and during the Scrappers' game with the Jamestown Jammers. Could any event be more truly American? The terrorists hate us for our pickles.

• Connection Beyond With A Real Medium. Thursday, June 28. Trenton Thunder (Class-AA Eastern League). Teresa Liza Pell sees dead people ... and for $68 she will let you talk to them. "The Thunder will welcome acclaimed spiritual medium, Marisa Pell, to Waterfront Park for an evening of communicating with spirits from beyond. The Thunder will host this special Connection Beyond Gallery Event in the Yankee Club and Conference Center at Waterfront Park." Gerald Ford? Is that you? [Thanks to Ted Kerwin]

• Player Of The Week. Deik Scram, West Michigan Whitecaps (Class-A Midwest League). Scram was the MVP of Sunday's Midwest League All-Star Game, but I picked him because I like his name. A close second was Robert Moron, GCL Phillies (Class-Rookie, Gulf Coast League).

• Bobblehead Of The Moment. James Whistler Bobblehead. Lowell Spinners (Class-A New York-Penn League). Lowell-born James Whistler, the world-renown painter and etcher, received many accolades during his lifetime. But the artist perhaps best-known for the painting Whistler's Mother now has his biggest tribute of all; a bobblehead doll in his honor. On Thursday, June 21, 1,500 fortunate fans at LeLacheur Park received one of these beauties. If you have one, we'd appreciate a photo that is larger than this.

And speaking of the Spinners, don't forget that Laces Out With Stephen Gostkowski Day is Sunday!

We want your minor league tips! Send info on upcoming events, photos, or messages from the beyond to RickChand@gmail.com. And thanks!

Reader "Genie," who runs an outstanding photo blog at The Inadvertent Gardener, was at the Cedar Rapids Kernels minor league game and witnessed the Insight Vision Eyeball race.

The premise is the same as the sausages in Milwaukee and the Presidents in Washington: Different-colored eyeballs race each other. Green, brown, blue and — mercifully not pictured — red. If we were a player and these were dancing between innings, we'd refuse to take the field.

The folks in charge of the 2012 Summer Olympics in London released their logo yesterday and it's ... uh ... a major Tetris disaster? A sketch Picasso made on a bar napkin while drunk? No one seems quite sure.

"It won't be to be everybody's taste immediately but it's a brand that we genuinely believe can be a hard working brand which builds on pretty much everything we said in Singapore about reaching out and engaging young people, which is where our challenge is over the next five years," said Sebastian Coe, London 2012 chairman.

Yep: That logo is totally what the kids like. We can't wait to see what the Olympic mascot looks like. We're guessing this.

London Unveils Logo For 2012 Games [BBC Sport]

(And the anti-logo contingent is already petitioning)

Presenting the only minor league mascot which is potentially lethal when not cooked properly! Yes, it's Blowie, who represents the Columbia Blowfish of the Coastal Plain League. Five dollars for a field level box seat is a small price to pay for his appealing antics, with extra dividends later when the kids can't sleep due to night terrors. But here's the beauty part: Unlike that elitist Hollywood jerk SpongeBob SquarePants, Blowie is available for birthday parties, keggers and fraternity hazings! Just fill out this handy Blowie Appearance Request Form (pdf), and you're on your way. As spelled out on the form, however, please note:

• Detailed directions to your event are required. Blowie cannot access Mapquest.

• Cost is $55 per hour, with any appearance outside a 30-mile radius of Capital City Stadium costing an additional 44.5 cents per mile.

• "Please provide the mascot with an appropriate and private dressing area (no bathrooms!)."

• Blowie needs your fax number, for some reason.

Well, that's it; have fun. And remember, Kids love Blowie!

This week in minor league promotions:

• Tribute To Cher. Tonight, Fresno Grizzlies (Triple-A, Pacific Coast League). It was a close race, but Sonny Bono's former wife and performer of the timeless hit Half Breed has won the team's Famous Fan contest, which pitted five notable Fresno natives in an election decided by Grizzlies fans. Coming in a very close second (and our hands-down choice) was Dave Seville, creator of Alvin and the Chipmunks. Also in the running were Joanna Kerns (Growing Pains) and Fresno mayor Alan Autry, who played Bubba Skinner on the In The Heat of the Night television series. The Grizzlies will pay tribute to Cher throughout tonight's game, whatever that means.

• World Record First Pitch Attempt. Saturday, April 28, Brevard County Manatees (Single-A, Florida State League). A veritable conga line of hurlers will traipse onto the mound at Space Coast Stadium to try and break the record of 5,906 ceremonial first pitches before the game with the St. Lucie Mets. Gates open at 6 a.m., so come on down! (Cincinnati mayors strongly discouraged). [Thanks to Benjamin Hill].

• Feeding Frenzy Monday. Monday, April 30, Clearwater Threshers (Single-A, Florida State League). For a $10 ticket it's all-you-can-eat snack bar action for the Threshers' game vs. the Fort Myers Miracle. I don't know about you, but I can eat a lot ... and three days gives me plenty of time to get to Florida. The bell tolls for thee, Threshers promotional budget.

• Bobblehead of The Moment: Get your tickets now for Patrick Mannelly Bobblehead Night, set for Saturday, July 7, when the Schaumburg Flyers (Independent Northern League) pay tribute to legendary Bears' long snapper Patrick Mannelly. He's an Atlanta native who played his college ball at Duke, so we're as confused by this as you. [Thanks to Jim Ulrich].

• Hero Of The Week: The Peninsula Pilots (Coastal Plain League) are asking for help for their friend Kevin Eadie, who has been their bat boy for the past five seasons. Kevin, 12, suffers from Niemann-Pick Type C, which is a neurodegenerative brain disease that strikes primarily in early childhood. Funds are being sought for accelerated research on the disease, for which there is currently no cure. Donations and wishes of support can be sent to the Kevin Eadie Trust, the National Niemann-Pick Disease Foundation or the Ara Parseghian Medical Research Foundation. The Pilots have set aside Aug. 12 as Kevin Eadie Night at War Memorial Stadium, which gives you plenty of time to make plans to head out to Hampton, Va., to lend your support. Hey, it'll also give you a chance to check out Pilots first baseman Ernie Banks!

We want your minor league tips! Send info on upcoming events, photos, or sushi recipes to RickChand@gmail.com. And thanks!

"I think (fans) are going to love it, and I think America is going to see a side of Pat Summitt that they haven't seen in a long time."

Pearl has been going on and on about this to the point where anything short of Summitt showing up in a Madonna cone brassiere, nailed to a cross and firing rockets from her nipples is going to be a letdown. Pearl went topless in his January stunt, which was frightening enough, and of course led to the university installing exit signs at Thompson-Boling Arena in a larger font. As for Summitt's mysterious plans, as long as underwear is included we should all be OK.

Summitt To Do Some Cheerleading? Maybe [MSNBC]

I really went back and forth on whether or not I should post this. If it was any more explicit, I wouldn't have. You can't see any ding-dong here. There are four of these clips (be sure to check out Tim rubbing lotion on his ass in clip #2) on YouTube, and why they exist or how they got there, I haven't the foggiest idea. I just thought I'd pass it along.

It does call into doubt Will's headline from earlier this week, though: "Tim Hardaway Wants Only Straight Men To See His Penis." I think deep down, whether he can admit it or not... Tim Hardaway wants everyone to see his penis.

Tim Hardaway Naked In The Locker Room - (3 of 4) [YouTube]

Over at The Fanhouse, The Mighty MJD posted this video of a Seton Hall fan — we think that's Seton Hall — coming up with an inventive and terrifying way to distract a free throw shooter. We think after seeing this, we'd just try to avoid being fouled all together.

The Most Effective Free Throw Distraction In NBA History [The Fanhouse]

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. You can check out the whole shebang here (there are 8 pages of these). I'm not sure how to feel about the one in the middle there. It wreaks all sorts of havoc into Rex's image as the sex cannon.

Super Bowl XLI Surprises [SomethingAwful]

An aside: There were originally four mascots, but tragically two were shot by the Gestapo while trying to cross the Alps.

From UEFA.com:

The twin mascots are due to make their "match" debuts on 11 October, when Austria host Switzerland in a friendly in Innsbruck. The day before the game, the twin mascots will be "christened" in Innsbruck. Their names will be chosen by football fans in Switzerland and Austria, who will be able to vote between 27 September and 8 October for one of the following pairs of names:
• ZAGI and ZIGI
• FLITZ and BITZ
• TRIX and FLIX

Didn't make the cut: Retch and Kvetch; Pixie and Dixie; Siegfried and Roy.

Euro 2008 Mascots Unveiled [UEFA.com]
Can't Sleep — Mascot Will Eat Me [I Dislike Your Favorite Team]

Those suffering from persistent night terrors — frightening disorders of the sleep from the darkest corners of the psyche — should not watch the above video. We were deeply disturbed by it, and are now unable to eat, or dress ourselves to go out. We blame The Realests, which today links to an AOL Michigan Sports Blog post on Wolverines' defensive end Alan Branch. But after only a couple of graphs things go horribly wrong, and we get the presentation you see above.

We have no proof, but we suspect this is what Terrell Owens was watching just prior to the 911 call.

Alan Branch Crushes Oponents, The Dance Floor [AOL Michigan Blog]
Realest Of The Week [The Realests]

Each of the Five Friendlies has a rhyming two-syllable name — a traditional way of expressing affection for children in China. Beibei is the Fish, Jingjing is the Panda, Huanhuan is the Olympic Flame, Yingying is the Tibetan Antelope and Nini is the Swallow.

Sadly, Yingying was imprisoned briefly for distributing pamphlets on the Chinese government's systematic suppression of Tibetean culture. But he has be re-educated, and all is fine. We had some other notions on Beijing mascots which didn't make the cut (welcome Googoo, the Internet censorship Ox), but fortunately the blog Wanbro has a better take on it than we do. So, enjoy.

Five Friendlies Unveiled [Wanbro]
The Official Mascots Of The 2008 Beijing Olympic Games [2008 Beijing Olympics]
Oh, Sleep Well. We DARE You [Deadspin]