•The teams look a little different, but the result was the same; UNC topped Michigan State in a rematch of the national championship. Yes, I know a game this early in the season means nothing, and yes, I know every team remotely worth a damn will have their chance in three months, but god damn, basketball's system is so much better than the BCS.

•Perhaps wary that their top secret disciplinary rules have been leaked, the NHL suspends Alexander Ovechkin two games for his knee-on-knee hit.

•Pacquiao-Mayweather will go down in either Vegas, New Orleans or at the new Cowboys Stadium, and will happen as early as March 13, in order to get it in before Pacquiao runs for Congress in the Philippines. Forget the titles in seven weight classes; Manny is going for wins in the two most corrupt professions on earth!

•Roy Halladay says trade him this offseason, or he won't approve any deals. So let's see: get a couple ML-ready young stars now, or have a season of Doc and only a couple compensatory draft picks in return. I wonder which the Blue Jays will choose? (Note: this is only a sarcastic question because J.P. Ricciardi is no longer in charge).

•In a matchup against his old team, Mike D'Antoni's Knicks lost to the Suns despite apparently scoring more points in a 48-minute span. I don't care what the box score says; the Knicks can't have beaten Phoenix by 27. This has to be a misprint, and I'm not going to be like that "Dewey Defeats Truman" paper.

•••••

Today's a big day for Sportshumans the world over: the 2009 SHOTY tourney begins a little later on. Vote or die.

•It's not another "Natinals," but rather Pedro forgetting to button up. Also Charlie Manuel forgetting to take Pedro out early enough (that sounds familiar). The Yankees even the series, sending it to Philadelphia. Hey, at least we're not seeing another sweep this year. (Thanks to reader Jay for the screenshot.)

•Vince Young will be back behind center on Sunday. Best case scenario, he replaces LenDale White as the rusher who'll spell Chris Johnson.

•The first AP poll is out, and Kansas is your overwhelming number one. But more fun is seeing who barely snuck in. Old Dominion and Holy Cross received one vote apiece. What, they're letting Nancy Lieberman-Cline and Bill Simmons vote now?

•The Big Lead has a good read on Jozy Altidore's stunted development. It's troubling, and with Charlie Davies likely out next summer, he's a more crucial piece than ever. For those of you who are confused what I'm talking about, it's soccer. Just move on.

•North Carolina takes down No. 13/14 Virginia Tech on a last-second field goal. It's been two and a half years...is it okay to not root for Va Tech now?

•Fifty thousand St. Louisans step off the ledge; Albert Pujols says he wants to be a Cardinal for life. Still, when people want to be somewhere for life, they sign long-term contracts like the ones the Cards have repeatedly offered. Just saying...

•Proving that Angelenos dole out their fandom based on how close to the playoffs each team is, here's a poll from the LA Times where USC comes out on top as LA's favorite team

•Finally, from Fail Blog, we bring you the only seat at Neyland Stadium that has a seatback:

Poor North Carolina freshman Andrew Madlon. He flew too close to the sun on wings of stupid.

Andrew Madlon, a freshman at the University of North Carolina, found himself crowd surfing on Franklin Street after the Tar Heels' semifinal victory Saturday over Villanova. "I was sort of up there for five or 10 seconds, and the crowd just ran out and I got dropped into the bonfire," he recalled.

Madlon's right forearm landed on the hot coals. "I actually didn't think it was that bad at first," he said. He had second-degree burns. Dirt from the coals lodged in his skin, leading to an infection that required surgery and a type of biological Band-Aid made from pig skin.

Yeah, this wasn't even the result of Monday's championship game victory over Michigan State; Madlon was out of action after the semifinals. And now he has a pig arm. It's sad, really.

More amusing photos here ... UNC students are mesmerized by fire!

Student Burned In Franklin Street Bonfire [WRAL]

I'm not good at estimating crowds, but there must be at least 200 people down there on the intersection of Franklin and Columbia. (Give or take 30,000.) Street signs were destroyed, things were set ablaze, and high-voltage infrastructure was heroically scaled. What is it about mobs that makes them lose all sense of judgment and good taste? ("See that light pole there? I should be on top of it!")

And can someone please explain fire jumping to me? Where is the rush there?

Anyway, I'm glad that we've just accepted that this is par for the course in any town, following any major sports victory. It can't be explained or justified in any way, but as long as these celebrations stay one level short of ritualistic murder, it's all good.

And despite the "relative calm" up north, Spartan revelers still managed more arrests and more fires this weekend. Face! (No tear gas, though, sadly.) Say what you want about the East Lansing police force—they are persistent.

Fans celebrate in Chapel Hill; 10 taken to hospital [Charlotte Observer]
Franklin Street: The Celebration [Daily Tar Heel]
Cheers, no tears [State News]
10 Heels Taken to Hospital; 21 Spartans Arrested [The Jock Itch]

Now that his career is over and he's got his national championship, everyone must now take a position on his relative worth as a college basketball player. The four-year senior seems like an endangered species these days and the four-year starter is an even more rare bird, so players like Psycho T are at the very least unique. But does longevity alone make him good? If he was truly the best college player of the last 20 years, why is he even still in college?

One thing that people do seem to agree on, is that they don't like him. He's goofy looking, people like Dick Vitale won't stop praising him and he's from Missouri! What's not to hate? But he's not just a "scrappy white guy" in the mold of Duke's carousel of "character." He's probably a better athlete than the man he's so often compared to—Christian Laettner—although maybe not as versatile. He's more decorated than anyone since Laettner and he (usually) came up big when it counted. (Four-and-oh at Duke and three ACC titles.) He scored 18 points in the championship game last night and you probably barely realized he was there. I think everyone has to grudgingly agree that the guy has some skills.

Yes, he looks like a Muppet, but a Muppet who can play basketball.

A Heartfelt Tribute to Psycho-T [Seth Curry Saves Duke]
Shanoff's WUC.: Awful Game, Awesome Champ [Sporting Blog]
Well, He Got His Title [Rumors and Rants]
Regarding Tyler Hansbrough's Legacy [The Big Lead]

The frustrating Michigan State team returned—the team that beats itself with bad decisions and worse shooting. They didn't lose a lot this season, but when they did lose, they lost bad and tonight was no exception. I guess the Spartans did better than they did in the December matchup, but not much. They were out of this game four minutes into it and I guess they didn't give up, but they certainly never had a chance. Sigh.

Make no mistake, though—North Carolina is awesome. With everyone on board, they were one of the most complete teams you will ever see. They made winning look effortless. Even if Michigan State cuts their turnovers in half and makes a few more threes, they probably still lose by 10. Obviously, we all would have preferred a more competitive final, but this outcome was inevitable from the first practice way back in October.

So the best team won, Michigan will go back to being a depressed and lonely place, and I just hope that somewhere in the student ghetto of Cedar Village, thousands of drunkards will refrain from embarrassing the Michigan State name one more time. Try to keep the fires under control, kids ... it's a school night.

SN on streets of East Lansing: "Everyone appears to be in good spirits." [The State News on Twitter]

Second Half

12:09 — [wipes tear from eye] There's just something about One Shining Moment that draws all the remaining cynicism from my lower intestine and converts it into dreams and rainbows for babies with AIDS. Despite the horrible game, I am at peace. No worries, though. I will continue to seek out petty annoyances, build them up internally, and let them flush out in the form of Deadspin's next live blog. Until then, comrades, please tell Sandy I said "WHEEEEEEEEEE!"

12:05 — Awkwardest music transition in sports broadcasting history: peppy basketball band music to Masters coverage piano melody. And now ... SHINE ON.

12:00 — IT'S MIDNIGHT AND I DON'T HAVE A SHINY SHINY MONTAGE YET.

11:58 — I'll give North Carolina this. With all those walrus-vomit-colored championship t-shirts that have come out over the years, it was nice of them to simplify with a blue "1" and an NC shield-looking thing.

11:51 — Oh, you think I'm done, bitches? We still have a fuckin' tear-jerking montage to sit through!

11:50 — Gleh. The important thing is that unemployment has ABSOLUTELY NO CORRELATION to basketball. (Exception: Billy Gillispie)

11:48 — I think I just saw Hansbrough's Elated Face. I will now be flaccid for the next 72 hours.

11:46 — GO CRAZY, SANDY! GO CRAZY!

72 89

11:45 — UNC calls a timeout to sub in the "fan favorites" for the "actual fan favorites, you know, the ones that scored all the points this season."

11:43 — I don't know what I did to deserve the presence of Idong Ibok on the court, but there he is.

11:37 — No, Jim Nantz, this was not their chance to revitalize the Michiganian economy. Have you seen Raymar Morgan's plan to create new jobs? "Just have everyone put on a mask like mine?" How is that a viable solution?

11:35 — The camera pans to the UNC bench. Look at them. Ha! Know what they all have in common? That's right, they're all ... immune to sickle cell anemia.

11:33 — It's not that people are outraged over spending 50 cents without getting a bun. It's that, without bread, people can actually taste how terrible a hot dog really is.

11:31 — I think Mr. Kellogg said something about Michigan State having to cut the lead to 10 points by this time. It's now 15 with the Heelies possessing the ball. Goodnight, Mid-Michigan!

65 80

11:28 — I will say this. MSU has not relented in drawing contact and shooting free throws. That's what's kept this game from being, well, over. If it was over, I'd be asleep by now. This is the cross Big Ten basketball has to bear.

11:24 — Stay tuned for an all new NCIS in which, just like this game, they nail the criminal 10 minutes in and then you get to watch 50 minutes of lawyers doing paperwork.

11:21 — And Gutsbrough moves up the all-time NCAA tournament career scoring list. Not sure where they keep that list. Probably in a safe place.

11:21 — Suton's elbows. Baby pandas eating your babies. DO NOT PROSECUTE THEM.

11:19 — With seven-and-a-half minutes left, I see no better time to start automatically fouling. That way foulouts will force Idong into the game.

11:16 — Look, a Vince Carter sighting! Wave to him, Canada!

11:13 — Oh, the quietly developing battle, beyond American Cars v. Foreign Cars and Apple vs. PC is Every Freaking Investing Company vs. Every Other One. Too bad TD Ameritrade got first pick in the playground draft. Sam Waterston just sweats integrity. He makes me want to talk to Chuck, but only to say "Up yours, carpetbagger!"

53 72

11:11 — "Maybe if they can make a couple of threes..." A gaudy qualifier, Clark Kellogg.

11:10 — It's free throws the rest of the way for MSU. That is the other bright spot. Just like the sunroof in the new Ford Focus. Ford: They're Cars™.

11:08 — Boy, the Spartan faithful sure remain vibrant in this game. Though, in all fairness, there is nowhere else to go that doesn't end in a good ol' shivving.

11:05 — Goran Suton's elbows are apparently considered federally protected baby pandas.

11:00 — As we go to break, perhaps Sparty can hem the shorts of all the UNC players in the huddle, resulting in 12 technical fouls and 24 free throws.

46 65

11:00 — Oh, never mind.

10:59 — THEY'VE CUT IT TO 16! HELEN WOULD LIKE A RASPBERRY DAIQUIRI!

10:56 — Eyelids. That's the problem. Tyler Hansbrough lacks eyelids! Will any lovelorn and/or goth girls donate theirs for a transplant?

10:53 — This seems like as good a time as any to put in Idong Ibok. I have some jokes in my Bindle of Wit ripe and ready for it.

10:51 — If you're just joining us, it's a VERY CLOSE GAME AND YOU SHOULD STAY PUT. Any scores you see on the TV and/or Internet are merely typographical errors and will be fixed at the end of the game.

41 61

10:50 — Oh, c'mon. Lawson bogarts his eighth pass in wild, unpredictable fashion. Well, nine, if you count Sandy's heart.

10:46 — So here's a fun* experiment. Try and guess at what point in time UNC will have scored as many points as State will the entire game. I'm saying "12:14" and "66" points.

* - Okay, YOU think of something better to do. Wait, no, DON'T LEAVE ME.

10:45 — And we're back to game action, however that's defined today.

10:41 — Wouldn't hurt just to have Bird and Magic play one-on-one for 20 minutes. Wait, who am I kidding? I'll just play Magic Johnson's Fast Break.

What To Look For In The Second Half

Will Sandy find true love? Will Helen get her feet rubbed? And featuring special guest star, Dr. Joyce Brothers.

Halftime

Now's the time to potty, smoke, stretch, scratch, and measure the distance between East Lansing and your place of residence, so as to calculate how long you have until the blaze reaches you and everything you live. Then enjoy our halftime edu-tainment.

First Half

34 55

10:21 — A quick game of NCAA Indoor Tennis breaks out, and ... that's the half. As much as I love the company ... holy shit, save yourselves. I'll letcha know if this bastard becomes interesting. I mean ... KEEP WATCHING HIT F5

10:20 — It's a three on zero! And ... oh, nobody picks up Ellsworth. SANDY NEEDS A LOZENGE!

10:16 — The State defense forces a timeout as Ty Lawson falls victim to the "Moe Howard" stance.

10:14 — The Mentalist is on Tuesday night, it seems. See, if you read Deadspin comments, this is new information for you.

10:14 — Well, look at this. A coupla stops in a row, and the lead's down to 18.

10:12 — Y'know, maybe Michigan State needs their own loud cheering lady. Perhaps that's what'll spur a comeback. We'll give them "Helen." You can't hear her, but just pretend.

10:09 — And with that timeout, here's to seeing if we can get the font right this time.

25 48

10:07 — SANDY CANNOT CONTAIN HERSELF! (Seriously. It's like they don't know she's there.)

10:05 — A pass slips through MSU's fingers. So much for the Canola Oil timeout gambit.

10:04 — Re: big font. Look, occasionally I'm just trying to cater to Deadspin often-overlooked nonagenarian demographic.

10:02 — Oh, sure, the ONE TIME Sandy is mum.

10:00 — Just the kind of news Lansing needed! Raymar Morgan, the one with the mask, goes down for the count. Clap hard, Lansing! Clap as hard as you can to bring him back to life!

18 38

9:56 — I can't help but think that all these offensive rebounds are the difference in this game. As opposed to all those offensive rebounds my college girlfriend slept with.

9:54 — A goaltending call on Heartsbrough, keeping the lead at a svelte 20 points, pushes the momentum in the Spartans favor, the way that Wile E. Coyote's umbrella pushed away those boulders.

9:53 — Gak. 23-point lead. 29 minutes left. How about I switch over to the A's-Angels game at halftime?

9:49 — Sure was nice of Radford to fill in for those first 10 minutes while Michigan State ran out and satisfied their Qdoba jones. Now, how about a good game here? Sandy's seat is becoming moister by the minute.

9:47 — [Fixes font. You saw nothing.]

11 24

9:42 — Phew. After all that flotsamming and jetsomming, the Heels still retain a double-digit lead over the Honda lawnmower.

9:40 — Chris Allen will now try those "free throws" all the kids are doing. His major: Computer Engineering. NERD! He makes 1 of 2. score++; //never forget the semicolon

9:39 — Danny Green picked up back-to-back fouls, which is the silver lining in Michigan State's game. Just like the new silver trim on the sporty new Chevy Silverado. American Cars for American-Looking Folks™.

9:38 — The lead is already 15 points. Probably wasn't a wise move to start Zach Miner for this game.

9:36 — This is unreal. After a UNC basket, Ty Lawson rapes and/or pillages the inbounds pass, and eventually the possession leads to more points. Sandy approves.

9:34 — That screaming lady catching the telecast microphone? For simplicity's sake, I'm going to call her Sandy.

9:32 — Meanwhile, GM takes the lead with the "rally cap" hat commercial. Remember, wear your hats inside out and not backwards, because that's what Detroit gangs are prone to do.

7 17

9:31 — State's rushing their shots, but the Heels are rushing them better, it seems. It's getting uglier than a Hansbrough O-face.

9:29 — It wouldn't hurt CBS at all if they lowered the volume of everything else but the announcers and that screaming woman in the 14th row.

9:28 — Fouling Tyler Hansbrough carries a $25 fine in Chapel Hill. UNC's props their lead up to five points.

9:26 — 3-point tradesies. "Dibs," "not it" and "back cuts" are still up for grabs. 5-3 Heels.

9:25 — And the Heels break the scoreboard cherry 14 seconds in. Not sure if that's legal in Michigan.

9:24 — And there's the tip ... oh, jump ball. Still tied, then.

Telecast

9:18 — OH NO TWITTER IS DOWN WHO DO MY FAVORITE CELEBRITIES HAVE WINNING THIS GAME?

9:14 — Please don't mention "destiny" as a factor in the game. Makes it sound so ... final. Why even try boxing out?

Pre-Game Babble

They just had to schedule this the same night as Opening Day, didn't they? Judging by the Tigers-Jays score, maybe that was a wise move.

Anyways, let's get right down to the action. Here's the analysis you won't get anywhere else. Everyone thinks Chevrolet is going to walk away with the victory tonight, but I don't know. Those Ford guys are really scrappy. Especially their used cars. Yes, everyone is going to point to the rout last December in car sales, but it's a very different ballgame today. It will be closer than this double-digit profit margin everyone's talking about, but I still think Chevrolet, with the combination of Howie Long and that terribly irritating little red-headed girl, will pull out the victory tonight.

I'm live blogging a two-hour car commercial, right? I mean, I assumed that's why it's in Detroit. And for what it's worth, I had my bracket all wrong. I had Chrysler, Honda, Saturn, and Rickshaw, Inc. as my Cinderella team.

By the way, in my haphazard Mateen Cleaves research, I discovered that he's still trying, God bless him. Tell Khalid El-Amin he still has my Vertical Horizon poster.

The ELP are girding for unbridled mayhem tonight whether Michigan State pulls out a win over North Carolina in the championship game or not. They're deploying about 230 officers on the streets of East Lansing. Lowering expectations is a game that this department plays well; here's what they described as "peaceful" following Saturday's MSU win over UConn:

People were arrested for a variety of offenses, including throwing objects, indecent exposure, attempted arson and assault. Several couches were set on fire shortly after MSU's win, but were quickly extinguished.

Authorities say several couch fires were extinguished in the 500 block of Stoddard. They also responded to reports of students hanging off street lamps.

By comparison, there were only 24 arrests made in 1999 in what CBS News described as "a riot" following the Spartans' loss to Duke in the semifinals.

What can stem the mayhem this time? Don't worry, everyone; Mitch Albom is doing all he can to dampen the mood:

It will not save us. No basketball game can do that. No matter who wins Monday night, Tuesday morning the jobs still will be gone, the factories still silent and empty, the houses still for sale or abandoned altogether. The out-of-town media who see a national championship tonight at Ford Field as some uplifting salve for downtrodden Detroit are a bit misdirected.

My big question in all of this: Where the hell is Robocop?

MSU Die-Hards Revel In Saturday Win, Gear Up For Monday Night [Detroit Free Press]
East Lansing Police: 60 Arrested In 'Peaceful' Celebration [Lansing State Journal]
EL Police Brace For Title Game [Lansing State Journal]
Pride Not Pity Should Be Detroit's Finals Legacy [Detroit Free Press]

For as image-conscious as the NCAA is, and as much as they freak out about sports betting, it's a wonder that they haven't prohibited their chattel from engaging in gambling, or gamboling for that matter. It's even more of a wonder that ol' gosh-dang Huckleberry Hound Roy Williams doesn't seem to have a problem with it. In college, a football-playing friend of mine was scared shitless of being seen in a casino during trip to Las Vegas for a University of Kansas away game against UNLV because it would reflect poorly on the school and on him. Ty Lawson, given the DUI and the gambling, evidently has not given such thought to his image.

Photos: Ty Lawson Gambling On Craps In Reno [Busted Coverage]

Of course, you probably didn't need the picture and headline to guess that the hulking figure in question was Tyler Hansbrough. Psycho T. The Great White Pope. (That's not a typo.) The man, the myth ... the Claymation legend.

I don't know who put together this delicious Play-Doh tribute to North Carolina's greatest champion or how many man hours it took to create it, but I'm just glad there's an internet on which to share it. You should tell your grandkids about this someday.

Ty Hanosaurus Rex [YouTube]

2) Special Ed Because of injuries and suspensions, bench production has been a bit thin. The exception is skinny Ed Davis, a defensive presence and rebounding machine. Against LSU he had more minutes, points, rebounds, and blocks than starter Deon Thompson.

3) The guards smell blood In each of UNC's losses, the opposing backcourt went off and carried the team to victory. That drooling sound you hear? Guards dreaming of shooting down Hansbrough's last shot at a title and becoming the next great Carolina villain. — SPS

GONAZGA BULLDOGS

1) Rock Chalk, Ex-Jayhawk Gonzaga has been using 6' 9" wing/guard Micah Downs in the starting lineup lately, bringing former starter Steven Gray off the bench—this gives the Zags 3 starters (Downs, Daye, Heytvelt) over 6' 8"— opponents don't usually counter with that kind of size in the lineup, and it presents matchup problems, especially when Downs spots up behind the arc. Downs last played for Kansas under—small world—current Carolina coach Roy Williams.

2) It's like an entire team of Euros Gonzaga lives and dies by the three point shot—and seven guys on the team are legitimate long-range threats, including Daye and Heytvelt, the bigs. All five starters plus Gray have more than 20 3pt makes on the season; Bouldin leads the team in this category with 55 (through the regular season), and Heytvelt, Bouldin and Daye all shoot 40% or better from 3pt range. The guards are all >35% 3pt shooters, and each have over 120 3pt attempts. In the tournament, Pargo and Bouldin each made 3 triples against Western Kentucky. Tight perimeter defense tends to free up Daye and Heytvelt inside—witness their 60+ percent shooting against Akron.

3) Playing while maimed Gonzaga has been down at the half in each of its tournament games, by 3 to Akron, and by 2 to Western Kentucky. In each case, Gonzaga rallied in the second half to hold off their opponents, while coping with rectal tearing and straining from the half-time speech. Coach Mark Few lost his eyebrows at halftime against Akron, prompting a collection to be taken up in Spokane for restorative surgery. — Johninho

(NCAA buckets. Duh.)

Today has pretty much been a snoozer as far as basketball action is concerned. That may all change tonight during the NCAA's evening sessions.

Purdue vs. Washington, 5:40 PM, Portland. You gotta fight! For the right! To get demolished by UConn next week!

North Carolina vs. LSU, 5:45 PM, Greensboro, NC. The North Carolina schools' annual NCAA tournament tour of North Carolina's arenas continue. Will Hansbrough ever close his mouth and/or get a rebound? Tune in to find out!

Oklahoma vs. Michigan, 5:50 PM, Kansas City. Will Michigan avenge their 1976 Orange Bowl loss to Oklahoma? Tune in to find out!.

Gonzaga vs. Western Kentucky, 8:10 PM, Portland. Chicago sports radio host Dan Bernstein has a theory that every year in the NCAA tournament, one of the Cinderella teams has red jerseys. Is Western Kentucky this year's Crazy Red Team? Tune in to find out!

Duke vs. Texas, 8:15 PM, Greensboro. Tonight, we are all Texans. Hook 'em, Horns!

*****

Hey, hey, hey.

So here we go with North Carolina vs. Radford. I'm glad you've decided to point your Web browsers here this afternoon. If you're anything like me, it probably took everything you had to pull yourself away from the Florida Panthers flasher video - I've watched it about 100 times now and have it bookmarked just in case this game gets boring.

If you're like me and don't know a damn thing about the Radford Highlanders, here's some info from the Inter-scapes. The Radford Highlanders were the Big South champs and have won 12 of their last 13 games. This, of course, means they'll end the season having won 12 of their last 14. They dominated the Big South on their way to the conference title, but otherwise haven't really played anyone - much less beaten anyone of note this season - losing to Wake Forest by 22 and West Virginia by 35.

The match-up to watch will be Tyler Hansbrough on the inside versus Radford big man Artsio "the Best of Belarus" (seriously) Parachouski. Radford's offense revolves around the big Belarusian, so if he can have some success against 2008 AP Player-of-the-Year Hansbrough, it could make this game slightly interesting.

As for North Carolina, it looks like Ty Lawson will be sitting out with a toe injury. Even without him, the Tar Heels should have enough firepower to make this nothing more than a warm-up for LSU. I mean, Hansbrough is no Eric Montross, but I hear he's pretty good. Besides, they've gotta win, otherwise the President is going to be pissed.

As an aside, how do you injure your toe? Nasty toenail clipper accident? Tripped and fell while doing a field sobriety test? Kicking a dog dressed in an Florida State shirt?

What? I can't be the only one who has a wife who dresses their dog. I told the wife that she could dress the dog, but only if it was in a Detroit Lions jersey, I never thought she'd find one, but lo and behold, she did. Because I haven't embarrassed myself enough already, here's the video of it chasing a football. I swear, she catches much better than Mike Williams ever did.

So anyway, I've got the CBS feed fired up on low quality so it stops buffering constantly. It's a little blurry and reminds me of college days, drinking a 40 of King Cobra then heading to the basketball game at Eastern Michigan. After Earl the Squirrel left, it was the only way to douse the pain and help deal with the memory of our last trip to the tournament...but I digress.

Let's get to the game.

2:55 p.m.
I thought this game was supposed to start at 2:50. Now CBS is saying 3:01. Enjoy Northern Iowa/Purdue in the meantime. Booooo.

3 p.m.
Woo hoo, the game is starting! Geez, I think I see like ten fans in red down there in the crowd. North Carolina is basically playing a home game here in Greensboro.

I just saw a commercial for Coke Zero with a bald Kansas fan painted blue. It brought back horrible memories of the Watchmen. I could have gone the rest of my life without seeing radioactive blue dong. Glad I wasted $10 on that.

3:03 p.m. UNC 6, Radford 0
Ellington scores on a breakaway right off the tip nine seconds in.

And another steal and two. UNC up 6-0, that didn't take long.

18:00/firstUNC 6, Radford 3
And the comeback starts, Radford hits a 3!

They've committed four turnovers in the first three minutes though. I think it's time for the Highlanders to slow it down a bit.

16:30/firstUNC 11, Radford 5
Art the Belarusian hits his first shot from the baseline and the announcers got his name right on the first try. I'm shocked.

Hansbrough counters a jumper from inside, tying J.J. Reddick as the ACC all-time leading scorer. Woop-di-do. None of that matters without a title.

16:08/first UNC 11, Radford 9
Radford forces another turnover and scores on the break to come within two.

Reddick drives and damn near gets pulled down from behind. He's going to the line and has a chance to break the scoring record. I was kind of hoping he'd do it on a fast break of something so we could just get it over with and not have to hear too much about it. With him standing at the line, I'm sure the drama will build. Will he make it? Will he not? I'm on the edge of my seat.

14:43/first UNC 13, Radford 11
Hansbrough did it and gets a standing ovation from the home crowd but Radford comes down scores to stay within two.

The Highlanders take the ball away again but get called for traveling for the second time in the game. What do these guys think they're in the NBA?

And another turnover by UNC. This isn't looking so good for the Tar Heels.

13:15/first UNC 19, Radford 14
Kenny Thomas shoots a three from a mile out. Wait, that was an inside pass to Art but it gets knocked out of bounds by UNC. Radford inbounds the ball and hits a 3. How long until they get tired out?

By the way, could someone get Hansbrough a bigger jersey for crying out loud? He looks like Taylor Twellman.

BTW, just in case you missed it, the MLS kicks off today!!!

11:39/first UNC 26, Radford 16
Wayne Ellington hit a three to score his tenth point of the game. Then Danny Green hit another three off of a Radford turnover. Carolina is starting to take control. If this keeps up, I don't know what I'm going to do with the rest of the afternoon. Let's go Highlanders!

10:05/first UNC 28, Radford 18
Radford finally scores, but Carolina is on a 15-7 run.

Hansbrough hits another free throw after getting fouled in the lane. The crowd, of course, goes wild. I swear, there are like ten people wearing red in the entire building and four of them are guarding Tyler Hansbrough.

Hansbrough doesn't know it, but Reddick is going to call to congratulate him after the game. OMG OMG OMG.

6:46/first UNC 34, Radford 22
Turnovers, errant passes, people tripping over each other. This game is sloppier than an Alpha Gamma Delta girl on dollar beer night.

5:00/first UNC 40, Radford 27
Art the Belarusian (I can't spell his name) has his shot blocked and Carolina turns it into another two. Apparently he's only been playing basketball for five years. He's like a Eastern European version of The Air Up There. Hansbrough is dominating this match-up. Who saw that coming?

3:30/first UNC 44, Radford 30
Radford turns the ball over for the 11th time and Danny Green gets a put-back to extend the Carolina lead. Radford came back down the floor and hit a three to stay within sniffing distance.

Did you know that a ninja stole the Coca-Cola recipe and gave it to the Coke Zero people?

1:00/first UNC 51, Radford 32
Apparently UNC is the second-highest scoring team in the nation. None of the other teams made the tournament. What a useful stat. Thanks CBS!

Halftime UNC 53, Radford 34
If it weren't for the big RADFORD across the front of their jerseys, I would think Carolina was playing the Washington Generals. Don't count on that first 16-1 upset happening here, unless Hansbrough and Ellington suddenly catch Jim Calhoun's cancer (what, too soon?)

BTW, I think with a minute or two left, Radford had a white-out on the floor. No wonder they're getting smoked.

Start of the second half UNC 53, Radford 34
I know this is a blowout, so we'll do our best to keep this interesting. Wait, I meant to say I'll do my best to keep this interesting. I need to stop reading Leitch's old posts.

Also, why is Matthew Abaddon from LOST doing the halftime report?

19:00/second UNC 55, Radford 36
It didn't take long for Radford's turnover woes to continue. Art the Belarusian throws it out of bounds ten seconds in.

Thirty seconds later, a rebound literally bounced off of Art and went in. At least something went his way today.

18:00/second UNC 62, Radford 38
Thomas throws up an airball from damn near 30 feet out. Radford, down 21, is just trying anything to get back in it.

Did you know that Eastern Michigan University's athletic teams used to be known as the Hurons?

17:05/second UNC 66, Radford 38
Hansbrough just got thrown to the floor but hit both his free throws. It may be time for Roy Williams (the Carolina coach one) to take him out.

Did you know that the guy who makes Rip Hamilton's mask is an EMU alum?

15:55/second UNC 71, Radford 42
Danny Green hits another three from the corner to put Carolina up 31. On the other end, Art the Belarusian gets fouled by the other Tyler (Zeller) and hits both of his free throws.

For those of you counting, the announcers have no mentioned the fact that Art has only played ball for five years seven times.

Did you know that Radford was known as the Women's Division of the Virginia Polytechnic Institute until 1964?

13:00/second UNC 78, Radford 44
Ellington scores his 20th point of the game on a wide-open shot. Someone may want to guard that guy.

Did you know that UNC's student radio station, WXYC, provided the world's first Internet broadcast?

Holy crap, I think I just saw Darko in a commercial for American Airlines.

11:00/second UNC 81, Radford 46
Joey Lynch-Flohr finally hits a shot. He's been boxed out on what seems like his previous 100 attempts. The Radford faithful go nuts as the Highlanders pull within 35.

Did you know that Jayma Mays from Paul Blart: Mall Cop and Epic Movie is a Radford alum?

10:00/second UNC 83, Radford 46
Hansbrough re-enters the game and the announcers say Roy Williams is probably looking at this game as "a practice situation". That's gotta be good for Radford's morale. Have a fun bus ride back to Virginia.

Did you know that Radford center Artsiom Parakhouski, who is from Belarus, has only been playing basketball for five years?

8:00/second UNC 87, Radford 50
Danny Green pushes teammate Hansbrough out of the way, grabs a rebound and earns a double-double. A few seconds later, Hansbrough and his tiny jersey takes a seat on the bench.

Did you know Radford's official seal has a bee hive on it? There is no explanation for why on Wikipedia. This makes no sense to me.

7:00/second UNC 90, Radford 52
Davis is sent to a line by a guy who looks like my 13-year-old cousin (Phillip Martin).

Did you know that, in general, a dog's mouth has fewer germs and bacteria than a human's mouth?

6:00/second UNC 94, Radford 53
Wow, I just woke up to see Larry Drew part deux toss an alley-oop to the Other Tyler (Zeller). Nice shot! Carolina up by 41.

Did you know that nearly 25 percent of the Belarusian population was killed in World War II and 20 percent of its territory was contaminated by Chernobyl?

Wow, that was depressing. Not as depressing as this game, though.

2:00/second UNC 99, Radford 56
The other Tyler (Zeller) hits a turnaround jumper in the lane to take the lead back to 40. Meanwhile it seems Maryland is up on Cal. It seems like the ACC is living up to the hype.

Did you know that Ypsilanti, Michigan (home of Eastern Michigan University) has a ridiculously falic-shaped water tower? Here's a picture. Rumor is, if a virgin graduates, it'll crumble. I tried my best to not allow this to happen.

1:00/second UNC 101, Radford 58
Mike Copeland dunks to get the Tar Heels over 100. Do we get a free taco or something?

Final UNC 101, Radford 58
And the game mercifully ends. Usually this is the point in the day where I'd go home and take a nap while the wife makes dinner. I won't be able to sleep though, since I spent all afternoon with this snoozefest.

So Carolina marches on and Radford takes their gift bags and heads home. Enjoy the bus ride!

2) The Fresh Factor In 2005, when the Tarheels won their fourth tournament championship they were led by a core of upperclassmen, but talented freshman forward Marvin Williams also played a crucial role. Marvin's most memorable shot capped a furious comeback against Duke in the Dean Dome, but he also scored the go-ahead tip-in in the closing moments against Illinois in the Championship game. This time around, Carolina's led by a quartet of upperclassmen, but with another freshman forward, Ed Davis, playing a vital role. Davis, like Williams before him, is second on the team in rebounds per game, but he also leads the team in blocks (1.8 per) while only averaging 18 minutes a game. His father, Terry, played ten seasons in the NBA with four different teams (Marvin's dad played in the NAIA). Davis may be the most athletic player on the roster and like Williams could be drafted higher than all of his more tenured teammates, possibly after winning a ring ... again, like Williams.

3) Be Quick, But Don't Hurry Not since Neil Fingleton's back has an injury been as closely monitored in Chapel Hill as Ty Lawson's big toe. Lawson leads the nation's 2nd highest scoring team, while maintaining the nation's 3rd highest assist/turnover ratio (3.3). With Lawson in the lineup the Heels were held to less than 80 points only four times this season, but with him hurt Carolina scored 79 or fewer in three straight games. Most importantly, all but one of the team's losses came with the team scoring less than 80 points (in regulation). While Lawson leads the charge (the other Ty leads in charges taken), all of the UNC guards: Bobby Frasor, Larry Drew II, Wayne Ellington and forward Danny 'Tiny Dancer' Green boast an A/TO ratio of better than 1.5, but in the team's four losses the collective ratio drops to -0.91. If Lawson is able to play effectively, Carolina has a chance to capture their 5th tournament championship. If not, he'll likely become the 5th point guard in school history, joining Phil Ford (2 times), Steve Hale, Kenny Smith, and Derrick Phelps to suffer an injury that short-circuited a legitimate shot at cutting down the nets.

Bonus Fact: Assistant coach Steve Robinson graduated from Radford in 1981. He was twice a basketball captain and is a member of the school's Hall of Fame. No word on whether or not he'll be wearing a Radford sticker during the game. — Colin Hoggard (Amphibious Sports Duo)

RADFORD HIGHLANDERS

1) Family Ties Radford head coach Brad Greenberg was hired at Radford in 2007. For three years prior to his ascension to head man, he was top assistant to his brother, Seth, whose Virginia Tech Hokies fell off the bubble this year. It wasn't a very big move for Brad, however. The two schools are a whopping nine miles apart.

2) Finish Strong The Highlanders had a rough start to the season, starting out 5-9 with losses to teams of varying strength, all the way from a 20-point drubbing from lowly William & Mary to a 34-point drubbing at West Virginia. Once Big South play began, however, Radford was on point, losing just three games and running the table in the conference tourney to end up at 21-11.

3) He Had a Bit Part in Rochelle, Rochelle The key to Radford's surge this season has been the developing post play of Junior transfer Artsiom Parakhouski. The 6'10", 240-lb. center is a native of Minsk, Belarus. His (erotic?) journey has taken him to such exotic locales as Twin Falls, Idaho, where he starred at the College of Southern Idaho, and now to Radford, Virginia, where he's putting up 16 points per game on a variety of moves, including stickbacks that result from his 11+ rebounds per. People who struggle with his first name simply call him Art. — Eric Angevine (Storming The Floor)

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Hansbrough made a controversial defensive stop in the final seconds as top-ranked North Carolina beat the Hokies 79-76 in the Atlantic Coast Conference Tournament. But even before Tech coach Seth Greenberg could begin complaining about preferential treatment by the officials (although he did throw his coat), Hansbrough was running off the court. Confusion ensued.

After A.D. Vassallo missed a 3-pointer that would have forced overtime, Hansbrough sprinted toward the tunnel near the North Carolina bench. He ran into a group of cheerleaders, who steered him toward the proper Georgia Dome exit. "Yeah, everybody's laughing about that," Hansbrough said. "I knew it was the wrong tunnel, but I came back out, I saw some friends in the front row laughing about it. Everybody (on the team) was pointing and laughing. I said, 'OK, whatever.'"

Greenberg was less jovial when perusing the stats. Virginia Tech was called for 20 fouls, North Carolina 14. The Hokies never reached the bonus during the second half.

"I guess we foul and they don't," Greenberg said sarcastically.

NCAA Tournament not yours, VT.

Your ACC Tournament lineup: Wake Forest is playing Maryland now, teddy-bear lovable Duke takes on Boston College after that. UNC vs. Florida State tomorrow in the first semifinal. Duke-Maryland in the other semi? Get out your Scheyer big heads!

UNC Survives BC, But Not Without Controversy [NBCSports]