With Ashley Judd in his team's rooting section and Erin Andrews practically in his lap, this North Caroliona fan can only pray to the battery gods that his camera phone lasts for the duration of Tuesday night's Kentucky-UNC game. I'd be willing to bet that not too many of his photos were of Tyler Zeller.

All props to March to Madness for this photo, who also notes that Tar Heels center Zeller broke two bones in his wrist during the 77-58 UNC victory, and had surgery Wednesday afternoon. Not that this guy noticed.

UNC won 77-58, which must have been very traumatic to miss Judd, who is well known for a 1996 quote concerning the Tar Heels. When offered a North Carolina jacket on a cold morning on a movie set, she said: "I'd just as soon freeze to death."

More photos at World of Isaac.

More bad news for Kentucky: They're 0-2, and got drilled despite the fact that UNC was missing the injured Tyler Hansbrough. Worse news for North Carolina: 7-foot freshman Tyler Zeller, Hansbrough's replacement, suffered a wrist injury in the second half and had to be taken to the hospital for X-rays.

No. 1 North Carolina Rolls To Home Victory Over Kentucky [USA Today]
Ashley Judd Watches her Wildcats Lose To North Carolina [World Of Isaac]
Thompson, No. 1 Tar Heels Roll Past Kentucky 77-58 [Associated Press]

* * * * *

Second Half

11:06 — So hey, that's all for tonight, but thanks to the five of you who read everything I typed. Including the following word: clothespins.

11:04 — The most esoteric reference at the end for Vitale was Lionel Ritchie, which was a pretty solid stream of consciousness to get there. Also, he said tonight is why "North Carolina is uno number one." I highly recommend the #1 combo at Uno. Cheese pizza and breadsticks. Mmm.

58 77

11:02 — Yeah, Zeller looks like his hand bent the incorrect way.

10:59 — Tyler Zeller gets fouled rather mightily by Ramon Harris. As Zeller struggles to find the rest of his facial organs, we're reminded that his brothers were good basketball players too. This is the Tinkerbell Theory in that if you talk about a player's dossier enough, he'll get better via audience participation.

10:58 — Somehow. SOMEHOW. Vitale sneaks in a Tim Tebow mention with under three minutes in the game.

10:57 — By the way, Deon Thompson fouled out with 20 points and 8 rebounds.

10:55 — You think I have it bad? Kansas is leading Florida Gulf Coast University 81-39 with a few minutes left in the game. Good thing that wasn't on TV.

10:54 — The cameras bravely found Ashley Judd among, somehow, UNC fans. Apparently she made a pact that if Obama won North Carolina, she would sit in the students section in this game.

10:50 — Silly foul there by Ed Davis. What kind of lapse in cranial judgment would you call that, gang? Live blog timeout.

51 68

10:47 — Shulman: "Digger has 78 teams in the tournament and you have 12 teams in the top five." Because of that, Shulman among the top three broadcasters I've ever watched.

10:45 — A letter from Mike Krzyzewski to Michael Jordan. When does that go on eBay? Either way, get your paint and stamp MJ's name like you mean it.

10:42 — Not like it's going to happen, but in actual game scoring news, Kentucky is 13 points away from a tie.

10:40 — Vitale gave Obama an "average" rating of basketball ability, probably the most condemning review of hoops skills ever doled out by Dickie V. in the last 20 minutes

10:38 — Still awaiting a mental breakdown. At this point just seeing one might convince me to mark it. Hell, hearing Tom Petty's "Breakdown" might elicit me to mark it.

46 64

10:34 — Also, Vitale has great things to say about his co-worker, Dan Shulman, who's one of the best. Everything's a good thing. Even badness is good because it makes good things gooder.

10:33 — Everybody's good with this character. Expect some huge praise for SIU-Edwardsville if this thing goes to overtime.

10:32 — If you didn't notice that, Vitale had three degrees of compliments:

1. Pittsburgh. They're good because they beat:
2. Miami of Ohio. They're good because they played well against
3. UCLA. If he would have mentioned John Wooden, it'd be the rarified four degrees of compliments. Currently HDTV does not support such complexity of laudatory commentary.

10:31 — "Will this be the year" that a non-major school makes it to the Final Four? I guess it's already been handed down from above that George Mason has always been a legendary basketball powerhouse.

10:28 — Derek Jeter doesn't need to be a spokesman for a deodorant. It's not like if he forgets to cover up his sweat smell, he won't have a threesome.

39 55

10:25 — Have two nouns not in the game ever been mentioned more in a 2-hour span? Tyler Hansbrough and VMI are sure getting their audio's worth.

10:23 — Breaking update: I am a horrible person. The black "K" on the uniform is for Bill Keightley, longtime UK equipment manager, who passed away in March.

10:20 — I need a timeout to compose myself.

31 45

10:17 — A twist: the Rays WERE mentioned. But it took Dan Shulman, not the Tampa native, to knock the bingo spot down. WE ARE ONE "MENTAL BREAKDOWN" FROM THE FIRST EVER BINGO, PEOPLE.

10:16 — The latest on Hansbrough's injury, here's Erin Andrews. Her first words: "Again, just to reiterate..." Stay tune for the latest same report in ten minutes.

10:15 — Understanding the reference, can UNC's Wayne Ellington still be nicknamed, albeit off-the-cuff, "Duke?" Or is this a Dick Vitale pajama fantasy?

10:13 — Again, in case you didn't know, Kentucky played VMI in their first game. (Spoiler: VMI was the WINNER!)

10:12 — Tyler Zeller was called for a foul of Not Being Tyler Hansbrough.

10:09 — Erin Andrews was rather taken aback by Coach Gillispie's "spirited" speech, little of which she can evidently repeat. Here's to hoping the compound swear words were plentiful. A rumor that one of the words was "fuckhammer" would make my evening.

Halftime Entertainment Video

[speechless, twitching, shivering, a bit sleepy]

First Half

9:52 — The first half ended in the exact same minute this bag of Baked Ruffles just became empty. It's a sign.

25 41

9:48 — Wait. Did they just say Dick Vitale's going to broadcast an NBA game? The fuck? Am ... am I dead?

9:46 — Kentucky: 17 turnovers, 21 points. The entire team already has a double-double in the first half.

9:45 — VMI is getting so many mentions, you'd think Mike Krzyzewski was named their new head coach.

9:42 — UNC is clinging to that somethingteen lead as we reach the next media timeout. Media includes liveblogs. This break is taken specifically for me. I'm honored.

21 38

9:41 — Southwest Baptist beat Utah, causing Vitale to Google where the school was located.

9:39 — Dickie V. wants college players to stay for three years minimum in college, because he hates parity and wants Kansas, Duke, UNC and UCLA in the Final Four every year.

9:37 — Erin Andrews reports on Roy Williams finding out about three players coming back for another year, and imagining what it'd be like for UNC if they weren't here. God, they'd be, like, sixth. Terrifying!

9:35 — And a longer 3-point line. En fuego. Vitale: "look at all those lines!" Yes, there are two. HOW CAN YOU KEEP TRACK OF THAT MANY?

9:33 — Pedroia. Count it.

9:31 — Enjoying the eight-minute timeout break, they are.

15 31

9:30 — Okay, Ed Davis had a crazy slick save out of bounds, that turned into a 3-point bucket. Even I, made of cardiac stone, can appreciate that.

9:27 — Lookit that. Kentucky's only down 11. I say that with a thick streak of optimism that this game won't devolve into what Hansbrough had for lunch Thursday. (Spoiler: Greek salad!)

9:26 — Also, Marcus Ginyard is a UNC player who is out with an injury. CUE THE STORIES ABOUT HIM!

9:23 — Out of the TV timeout, back to talking how awesome it'd be if Tyler Hansbrough wasn't injured. (Spoiler: very awesome!)

9:20 — Jodie Meeks' 3-pointer out of the break narrows the lead by 15.8 percent. Sure makes it sound monumental, don't it? They're still down sixteen.

9:20 — Timeout, Kentucky. "I've seen better passing in Ultimate Basketball." (Christ, that game was hard.)

6 25

9:19 — HEY STOP STEALING THE BALL AND DUNKING, I CAN'T TYPE THAT FAST.

9:19 — Another Kentucky turnover. I'm going to cut that sentence into my clipboard.

9:17 — Now Kentucky gets a steal, and somehow relays it to Patrick "Pat" Patterson for a dunk.

9:16 — I'm having trouble counting the UK turnovers. Afraid it'll put me to sleep.

9:15 — Hey! The Wildcats doubled their points. Good on them.

9:11 — TV timeout. At least it's still within two touchdowns.

2 15

9:10 — UNC finally makes a mistake and blows a fastbreak layup.

9:09 — Gah. "Dancing With The Stars." I knew I was forgetting something. But "dancing with Erin Andrews" certainly qualifies for the hotness square.

9:08 — Deon Thompson forcefully stuffed Roman Harris's attempt at points. I'm going to pretend the blue uniforms are Butler jerseys in the hopes that this game is close.

9:06 — They're already bored with this 8-2 rout that they're talking about when Hansbrough will return. Good thing nothing else is happening in the arena tonight except for the healing of muscle tissue.

9:05 — Six points for UNC and it we haven't even played two minutes of gametime yet. UNC and VMI for the national championship?

9:03 — And Kentucky's uniform has the "K" a different color than the rest of the lettering why? Because UCLA started it?

9:02 — Sure was nice of Kentucky to make their warmup unis out of discarded golf polo shirts. Recycling!

8:56 — Wuh-oh. Shulman and Vitale showed up with the same haircut. Also, a Vitale editorial: college basketball is very good. Note: the views and opinions expressed by the analysts do not necessarily represent the opinions of ESPN and its family of networks.

8:55 — Correction. Bob Knight just yelled "Yokohama Sea Lions." He is giving it his all.

8:50 — Rece Davis: suit. Hubert Davis: suit. Jay Bilas: suit. Digger Phelps: suit. Bob Knight: comfy green sweater. I know he he has a naturally deadpan personality, but it sure looks like Bob Knight would rather be fishing.

Pre-Game Babble

Yes, that photo up there is Rasheed Wallace in his early fighting days. My, how he's grown up since.

Will the game be interesting? Who the hell knows. These programs are 1-2 in most wins all time in NCAA history, so for a college game in November, this is as marquee as it gets. The Department of Homeland Security is issuing a Film Noir Montage Code Red for this game. Adolph Rupp's name might come up.

Anyways, Hansbrough may be out for the game, but the history of both teams will be the storyline here. Tar Heels blog Carolina March basically says the same thing, although ... wait ... "Aye Zigga Zoomba Zoomba Zay?" THAT's your tagline? That's OUR tagline. (Sort of.) No, BGSU predates 1950, so I hereby demand half of UNC's national championships be transferred directly into Bowling Green's record books. Thank you in advance.

Projected Starting Lineups

North Carolina

G Ty Lawson, offspring of a notable NFL cornerback
G Wayne "Menthol" Ellington
F Danny "The Patch" Green
F Deon "Unfiltered" Thompson
C Tyler "Reasonably-Minded T" Zeller

Kentucky

G Michael "Sky" Porter
G Jodie "Delk" Meeks
F Patrick "Mashburn" Patterson
F Perry "Tayshaun" Stevenson
F Ramon "Bowie" Harris

Bingo Card

This will also be my first time live blogging a Dick Vitale-broadcasted event, whom you may remember was the inspiration for Thought Bingo. So this one required a ton of randomness and almost prompted another exponential layer of squares, giving us 36.

LATE ADDITION: Storming The Floor wanted me to include "Kentucky's neon-blue checkerboard uniforms," which I must say is not only a good idea, but also my first bingo request. So consider this a wild card space. If this one is mentioned, close your eyes and throw a dart at the computer screen. Mark off wherever it lands.

Seriously, VMI at home? It's the second straight year the Wildcats have laid a gigantic goose egg in their home opener and it is not an encouraging sign for Billy Gillispie. Meanwhile, Psycho T jumped into another pool or something and will miss his second straight game with a dusty crotch. You're paid to be gritty and fearless, big guy, not sit on the bench and wave to your girlfriend in the band. If, indeed, you even have a girlfriend, which I highly doubt at this point, especially after seeing this high school yearbook portrait. Were the lasers unavailable?

(Seriously though, I shouldn't judge—we all have one of these pictures in our past, don't we? So let he who would voluntarily put his or her own senior portrait on the internet, cast the first comment.)

Anyway, since you have been undoubtedly stuck at work, sleeping, or both. Here's what happened so far—Memphis beat UMass, then got Xavier Henry (the top prep in the nation and brother of Tiger C.J. Henry) to give them his verbal commitment live on SportsCenter. St. Mary's suddenly became everybody's tournament "sleeper" team, Hawaii held off a pesky Idaho St. team and then Dick Vitale gave the entire Big East an automatic bid.

Also, 93-year-old Hall of Fame coach Pete Newell politely passed away on Monday as a final tribute to ESPN's dedicated coverage. Talk about always putting the sport first.

Up next: Drexel is finishing off Penn right now, then Kansas begins its title defense against Iowa at noon. What's that? Lady Jayhawks and Lady Hawkeyes. Oh. Very sneaky, sis.

There's lots more after than and and someone is actually live blogging the whole thing, just because they can. Can you hear the footsteps, Suss?

Sure, it's tough to actually watch most of this hoopsgasm, but I applaud the effort to give a nice big celebratory shove-off for the college basketball world. Twenty-four straight hours of hoops coverage is the kind of thing that Barack Obama would support in this new administration and who are you to stand in the way of hope?

College Basketball Scoreboard [Yahoo]
ESPN TV listings [ESPN]
Hansbrough to miss Kentucky game [SBR Forum]
Virginia Military Institute tops Kentucky, 111-103 [AP/Google]
Henry a perfect fit at Memphis [ESPN]
Former Cal coach Newell dies at 93 [ESPN]
ESPN Marathon of Hoops Live Blog, Part II [Rush The Court]

P.S. As a special treat, I updated the lame-ass Deadspin hoops preview with a few more teams. Don't say I never did anything pointless for you.

UNC is the first unanimous preseason No. 1 in the history of the AP poll. (Which as you all know is never wrong. Last year's preseason poll accurately predicted the Final Four teams.) They return all five starters, the top six scorers, and the player of the year Tyler Hansbrough, who is also a unanimous preseason All-American. The non-conference schedule presents few roadblocks, a rebuilding ACC is prepared to lay down for them, and all signs point to Roy Williams finally winning a title that's completely his.

They're so good, they don't even play exhibition games—they practice against other Division I teams, and they win presumably, because how could they not? (This is thanks to another phantom NCAA rule that's no one knows about or understands.) So congratulations to your 2009 NCAA Champions! It's was a great year, wasn't it?

I’ll never figure out the NCAA [The Vig]
Preseason AP Poll + Preseason All-Americans [Yahoo]

If you think this video's blurry, how do you think that asshole that got his helmet blown off feels? That's what I thought, sucka.

'Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water' and 'The end of the Miami/UNC game was Oregonstateesque' - Andre Ware had been waiting all game to bust those out.-Ahp9

Just saw the first ever 9 point swing on 1 play. A 97-yard touchdown throw for Indiana called back for holding in the endzone, which was a safety for Michigan State.—Chilltown [Ed: wouldn't that be an 8-point swing?]

I just saw two miami backup QBs give a synchronized hand motion play call.  I must be on more drugs than the hurricane secondary. —Zombie Jesus X [Ed: Just saw three QBs do it for Indiana against Michigan State, and "only one of those was the real call." Wonder which one?]

Speculation on background of Rutgers flipping-the-bird kid:

• Major: Animal husbandry.

• First time ever giving the finger in public.

• Girlfriend: No.

• Favorite weekend activity: Driving the mini race cars at the Fairway Golf Center.

• Parents' names: Brock and Tina.

• Grew up in: Franklin Lakes, or possibly Upper Saddle River.

• At least one Harry Potter poster in dorm room: Yes.

You've gotta hand it to Butch Davis. North Carolina hadn't won a game outside of the state since 2002, so scheduling Rutgers — led by a known quantity in his former Miami assistant, Greg Schiano — was a nice way to get back into the win column. T.J. Yates had a banner evening, throwing for three touchdowns in the 44-12 stomping. Player to watch: UNC's Brandon Tate, who caught a 69-yard TD pass and also scored on a 12-yard end around.

North Carolina Shames Rutgers On National TV [NBCSports]
Rutgers Student Gives ESPN The Middle Finger During North Carolina Game [Larry Brown Sports]

In addition to the Dewey, Lawson also was charged with violating the city's noise ordinance for his booming system and driving with a suspended or revoked license.

Lawson should have learned something from his Carolina teammates about the best way to party, which is, of course, roof jumping.

North Carolina's Ty Lawson Charged With DWI [Sporting News]
UNC's Ty Lawson arrested [ABC 11]

The reason the scene in Almost Famous worked so well is because that's the type of thing only a famous person could get away with. We'd stay in school for that too.

The man preparing to jump off the roof into that fantastic above-ground pool is, according to some college hoops bloggers, University of North Carolina point guard Bobby Frasor. He's just having some fun, blowing off steam, as classes wind down for the semester at North Carolina. No harm, really — he's just up to typical college hi-jinx. School's out. For summer. Duhn-duhn.

But, the thing is, Frasor's been "rehabilitating" his banged-up knee which he injured last December 27:

Frasor, who tore the anterior cruciate ligament in his left knee Dec. 27, soon will embark on extended jogs and squatting exercises in an effort to continue regaining leg strength.

He said his quadriceps, in particular, has been a targeted area.

"It's going to be challenging and it'll be a lot of work," he said. "Right now it's just all about strengthening my quad, so that's the big key."

Looks like that quad is at full-strength right now. But just to be safe, it should be known that the pool he's jumping into is full of packages of frozen peas.

Bobby Frasor Is A Golden God [Rush The Court]
Frasor's Rehab Going Well [850 Buzz]

The sad part is that all the autograph hounds camp out here every year on this date, knowing that Roy will have a day off.

And I'm pretty sure that this signature will not count toward her required 15 pieces of flair.

Roy Williams Loves Hooters [Don Chavez]
Roy Williams Enjoys Hooters [With Leather]
NCAA Cuts Hooters Ad From Final Four Program [SportsbyBrooks]

One side of the bracket held the dazzling freshmen, the other side was about upperclassmen. The meeting of the West Champs and the South Champs had the Eye of the Tiger. And the meeting of East Champs vs. Midwest Champs had the Wig of the Jayhawk. Or something like that.

Memphis 78, UCLA 63

I'm sure a headline writer with a schmaltzier sense of humor will make something vomit-inducing out of this one, but I'm just going to say Rose > Love in San Antonio. Memphis guard Derrick Rose is from Chicago, and he pulled out moves reminiscent of a certain Bull in this one. The high-flyer put in 25 points to go with nine rebounds and four assists. Oh, and that included 11-12 FREE THROWS. In fact, the Tigers hit 87 percent last night, but according to the box score, only two players even shot FTs for Memphis.

Chris Douglas-Roberts has the Magna Carta* tattooed on his arm, and he laid down the law in this one with 28 points. Next game, it might behoove the Tigers to get a couple more players involved in the game.

*This is a lie, but I hope my High School History teacher is reading this.

Kansas 84, North Carolina 66

The Jayhawks built a lead in the first half that was so huge even they couldn't choke it away. Still: Give them credit for trying. A 2-2 tie in the opening minute was the closest North Carolina came to a lead, but a flurry of points from Danny Green cut holes in what was once a 40-12 gap. With 11 minutes left in the second half, the Kansas lead was cut to four, but the Tar Heels didn't have enough gas in the tank to seal the deal.

Davidson-killer Sasha Kaun spent much of the game on the bench with foul trouble, allowing Bill Self to introduce his latest hulking white man to the world; freshman Cole Aldrich was impressively cool, scoring eight and grabbing seven rebounds, as well as hitting all four of his free throws. Throw on one of those pencil-thin beards and you got yerself the poor man's Kevin Love.

So, your NCAA Championship game is set. If there were underdogs in this Final Four, these are they; Kansas vs. Memphis for the title. I'll make my official predictions closer to game time, but for now, I think I can confidently say two things. One, John Calipari can get you in a nice Hyundai for no money down, and nobody beats his prices. Two, Bill Self may actually say "Golly!" in a live televised interview. Meanwhile, Roy Williams and Ben Howland will have some time to visit the Alamo.

Getty Images Photo

Now, at last, is the Jayhawks' chance to extract some measure of revenge against Huckleberry Roy Williams, he who doesn't comprehend the enmity, by denying him another title that he couldn't win them. In this likely shootout, a lot hinges on whether the three-man rotation of Sasha Kaun (Sasha Kaun!), Darnell Jackson and Darrell Arthur can help slow stupid-face Psycho T.

Since Ty Lawson's return, the Tar Heels have looked pretty unstoppable. And that might not change if Brandon Rush decides he doesn't need to play all that well at any point in the tournament. But, hey, it's a Final Four game in the Chalk Bracket with more than a modicum of emotion. That'll have to do.

Here's what the kids are predicting on the series of tubes:

Kansas Vs. North Carolina
Jay Bilas: North Carolina.
Seth Davis: Kansas.
Stuart Mandel: North Carolina.
Storming The Floor: North Carolina.
Deadspin: Kansas. Call it a hunch. We're not ready to see Bill Self in a national championship game though.

Memphis vs. UCLA
Jay Bilas: Memphis.
Seth Davis: UCLA.
Stuart Mandel: UCLA.
Storming The Floor: UCLA.
Deadspin: Memphis. No one has looked better the last week. And we were wrong.

So, light 'em up, people.

STF Final Four Capsules

Team: Kansas Jayhawks

How they got here: Beat #16 Portland State, #8 UNLV, #12 Villanova, #10 Davidson

Key player: Pick 'em. Brandon Rush led the scoring against Portland State. Mario Chalmers took over against UNLV. Then it was Rush again vs. Villanova. Sasha Kaun, of all people, saved the Jayhawks' bacon against Davidson. UNC's all-everything Forward Tyler Hansbrough is better individually than any Jayhawk who will check him, so the 'Hawks will have to throw big bodies at him. That means the perimeter defense of Brandon Rush on Danny Green will be crucial. If Rush can limit the long-distance shots and hit a few of his own, Kansas might be able to pull this one off.

Rooting interest: There are no underdogs in this Final Four, so we'll be looking for other reasons to root for these dominant teams. For Kansas players, basketball has been a refuge from personal pain, as illnesses, murdered relatives, car accidents and other difficulties have beset many of the players all season long. It would be nice to see a ray of sunshine. In addition, it's been 20 years since Danny and the Miracles claimed the 1988 crown, and now Mr. Manning is on the Kansas sideline as an assistant coach. That may be just the edge this star-crossed squad needs to get over the hump.

Final Four History: KU's last Final Four appearance came in 2003, when they defeated Marquette by more than 30 points before falling to Syracuse in the championship game. The coach who pulled that off, Roy Williams, is currently sitting on the other sideline. This is the first time Kansas coach Bill Self has made the final weekend with any team.

Team: North Carolina Tar Heels

How they got here: Beat #16 Mount St. Mary's, #9 Arkansas, #4 Washington State, #3 Louisville.

Key Player: Tyler Hansbrough. The Naismith Award winner for player of the year in college basketball has made even the haters give a little grudging respect. He never takes a play off, and he is capable of turning to the jumper when his inside game struggles. However, getting his hand on every rebound in the vicinity gives him ample chances to score, and when he scores, the Tar Heels win.

Rooting Interest: UNC went through a difficult stretch in the mid-season to get here. When guard Bobby Frasor went down with a torn ACL, that was a harsh blow. Then Ty Lawson, who was taking some of Frasor's minutes, was out for seven games with a sprained ankle. Magical leprechaun Roy Williams used all of his pixie dust to keep the dadgum Tar Heels in it, and even a home loss to Duke didn't faze his club. They just went back out and returned the favor in Cameron to end the season. Plus, it's just difficult to root against a head coach who says "Doggone."

Final Four History: Carolina's last Final Four was in 2005, the year they won it all. That was Roy Williams' first championship game win, but he had the benefit of four trips to the final weekend with Kansas before he ever took the Carolina job, including two Championship game losses. And lest we think that Coach Roy owns his opponent, it was Bill Self and the Illini that knocked Williams out in the Sweet 16 in 2001.

PREDICTION: CAROLINA. If this were all about runnin', gunnin' guard play, Kansas might have the edge. But Sasha Kaun, Darnell Jackson, and Darrell Arthur will have their collective hands full trying to pin down Hansbrough. Rush or Chalmers will have to have an out-of-body experience from behind the arc to pull this one off.

Team: Memphis Tigers

How they got here: Beat #16 Texas-Arlington, #8 Mississippi State, #5 Michigan State, #2 Texas

Key player: We love the old-school style of first team All-American CDR as much as the next guy, but point guard Derrick Rose is difference between this team and the two Memphis teams that were stopped in the Elite Eight. Rose has elevated his game late in the season in the scoring department and gives the Tigers not only an elite point guard to control the tempo, but a go-to man down the stretch when the game is on the line.

Rooting interest: Memphis has to be the Cinderella (or Rumpelstiltzkin ) team of the Final Four, right? Well, actually no, any team that goes 37-1 and spends five weeks at #1 can't seriously be considered a Cinderella. The only reason that they are even considered an underdog is fact that everyone and their brother had the Tigers crapping out two weeks ago and that the other three teams in the Final Four have a combined 48 Final Four appearances between them. Want a better reason to root for Memphis? Seeing the reaction of old, white sports reporters having a collective heart-attack while watching a Memphis team that couldn't give two shits about fundamentals or free throws cutting the nets down will be well worth it.

Final Four History: Memphis doesn't have nearly the pedigree of a UCLA or North Carolina, but it has made appearances in two other Final Fours, which is alot more than many teams can claim. In 1985, the Tigers ran into Rollie Massimino's miracle Nova squad and fell in the semifinals. In 1973, the Tigers advanced all the way to the championship game, where they were defeated by the Bill Walton-led Bruins.

Team: UCLA Bruins

How they got here: Beat #16 Mississippi Valley State, #9 Texas A&M, #12 Western Kentucky, #3 Xavier.

Key player: The easy choice here would be to go with Mr. Chest Pass Kevin Love as the key player for the Final Four, as he has no doubt been in first four games, leading the Bruins in scoring each time Thing is, Love is going to get the Bruins at least 20 and 10 as long as he steps on the floor. The key to UCLA advancing to the championship game will whether or not anyone in the recently inconsistent supporting cast steps on the offensive end to help him out. In particular, Josh Shipp can't play with his head inside his ass like he did against Texas A&M and Xavier, scoring a combined five points in those two games. The Bruins will need Shipp to be a viable outside threat if they hope to beat Memphis and UNC/Kansas.

Rooting interest: Sure, UCLA has more champions and Final Four appearances than any team in college basketball, but this UCLA team is fast on its way to becoming the Buffalo Bills of college basketball if they don't win the NCAA Championship this season. The past two seasons, UCLA's season ended after facing the Florida Gators. With Joakim Noah and the rest of that Gators squad scattered around the NBA, the Bruins have no excuses this season. So unless you want Berman picking UCLA to win the national championship for the next 12 seasons like he did with the Bills and the Super Bowl, root for the Bruins to get it done this year.

Final Four History: The Bruins under John Wooden kind of owned the 1960s and 70s, making the Final Four in all but one season from 1962 to 1977, and winning the whole thing 10 times in the process. Want to know the team that stopped that UCLA run? Idaho State, which knocked off the Bruins 76-75 in the Round of 32 in 1977. Bet you didn't see that coming? Bruins also reached the Final Four in 1980, 1995, 2006 and 2007, so you can guess that they Bruins are pretty used to this whole thing by now.

PREDICTION: UCLA. This one is probably going down to the wire thanks to the athleticism of Memphis, but the Bruins are way overdue for a complete game on both offensive and defensive ends, so we'll go with them in a tight one. The Bruins defense will not allow the same kind of easy shots that the Tigers got against Texas and Josh Shipp can't stay in a shooting slump forever. Also give the Bruins the edge in the hunger factor, as the Tigers' season was probably made when they advanced to the Final Four, while the Bruins will be viewed as a colossal failure if they don't cut down the nets this season.

Money quote:

Roy is so tortured about being hated by KU fans, but, like most egomaniacs, Roy wants it both ways, to be loved by one divorced fan base while being married to another, no matter what happened in between, and hence all his moaning about those dadgum great things he done for the good people of Kansas. Roy's got some weird personality disorder — he MUST be admired and remembered the exact way that HE wants to be remembered. It's the same quote over and over ad infinitum: "I gave my all, and no one appreciates me anymore..." Well ... a) it was your job to give your all, for which you were paid like an oil baron and fawned over like a rock star and b) just be a man with your decision and quit crying about it like a sixteen year old girl whose ex-boyfriend won't return her calls anymore after she ran off with the JV quarterback. It's ridiculous. I'm tired of the media and talking heads portraying KU fans as this whining group that has no right to feel about the guy the way they want to. All these articles wouldn't dare criticize or at least point out that Roy is emotionally off his rocker, also, and just because he won a bunch of games at KU he deserves to be let off the hook for being a jack ass about the whole UNC thing. KU fans are being absurd? I think it's the other way around.

Does raise the stakes a little bit; we're certainly looking at the situation a little differently. That's about as compelling a case as we can imagine.

The funniest thing about this interview is that, of course, Roy Williams really did leave for Kansas just more than a week later. Which everybody pretty much figured, which is why Bonnie Bernstein asked it. That brought Bill Self to Kansas, which brought Bruce Weber to Illinois, which ... well, nobody but us really cares about Southern Illinois' coach.

Since everyone will be talking about this all week, we thought we'd go ahead and just remind of the video, considering they won't be able to show it. Which is a shame. Shit is such a better word from flip, honestly.

That's Not Very Nice [Rush The Court]

Naturally, this means we're getting the media ordained championship game we deserve, with Psycho T and KevLuv giving hope to all the big white people who really, really try on every possession.

Guuuuhhhhhh

East Region (Charlotte) Champion: North Carolina
Regional Most Outstanding Player - Tyler Hansbrough
North Carolina 83, Louisville 73

Louisville had this one tied with 10:21 left, and then UNC cranked up the defense again and started to inch ahead until it was all over. Say what you want about the excessive white-boy love (and Bilas love) of Hansbrough, but the guy does what it takes to get Carolina in the win column, and this tournament has been pretty much the same story. Hansbrough had 28 points and 13 rebounds, which included hitting jumpers from the top of the key as well as his usual flailing inside garbage points. Roy Williams now gets to sit back and wonder if he'll be facing fellow Carolinians Davidson in the Final Four, or his old team Kansas.

West Region Champion: UCLA
Regional Most Outstanding Player - Kevin Love
UCLA 76, Xavier 57

The Bruins are in the Final Four for the third straight season, which any perceptive basketball fan knows is a dicey proposition, because it means "shouldn't you have, like, won a championship by now?" This season, Florida no longer stands in their way, so Ben Howland might never have to hear that talk. If the Bruins are going to do it, they might want to hurry up. Phoenix MOP, Kevin Love had 19 points and 10 rebounds, and is making himself a hell of a lot of money right now. He seems completely unfazed by the pressure of this tournament and was seen goofing around shooting (and making) half- and full-court shots during a practice. Xavier was able to trade buckets in the first few minutes, but after that it was all UCLA.

SUNDAY PREVIEW

#2 Texas vs. #1 Memphis 2:40 pm
This is a tough one to call. Both teams will be facing the perception that they come from the weakest bracket if they make the Final Four, but I imagine that provides a lot of motivation. I will say one thing for Memphis - even if they lose this one, at least they avoided the ugly upset most of us predicted for them. Losing to the #2 team in your region is not an embarrassment. Texas relies pretty heavily on D.J. Augustin, but he seems equal to the task, and I'm sure he'd love to play a Final Four in the state of Texas. Memphis saw a lot of production from their big dogs in a rout of Michigan State, and may be ready to make it three #1 seeds in San Antonio.

#10 Davidson vs. #1 Kansas 5:50 pm
You know Davidson's story: Curry shoots the lights out, Richards gets him the ball, and the undersized Lovedale grabs the crucial boards. For Kansas, it's the usual talent and the recent streak of being unable to reach the Final Four under Bill Self. Here's what Self is facing, pressure-wise:

• Facing a hugely popular Cinderella team
• Could get beat by a #10 seed
• Two #1 seeds are in San Antonio already, Memphis could make it three
• He plays the last game of the weekend
• If he wins, he gets to play his predecessor, Roy Williams
• If Mark Mangino can win an Orange Bowl, what's your problem?

That about sums it up. And you wonder why the guy's going bald.

Psycho T and his band of Tar Heels haven't seen a great deal of tight competition thus far in the tournament, but then they've been the beneficiaries of a near-home court advantage or so goes the drummed up storyline between Rick Pitino and Roy Williams. It is those two coaches who are coming in with equal tournament resumes - a national title, coupled with five Final Four appearances as well as eight in the Elite 8 - meeting for the first time in March.

One of these 1 seeds has to go down, right? Better if it's the one who loses to the team I had going to the tournament final. AlsoImaMarylandalumandIhateUNC.

West (Phoenix) Region

UCLA 88, Western Kentucky 78

When Darren Collison fouled out with 5:30 left, a whole lot of people started to believe that the Hilltoppers could win this thing. Of course, thereafter, the Bruins put a foot on WKU's neck and ended that talk with a quickness. In the moral victory column, the Hilltoppers gutted out a big comeback and had a chance to win at the end. Tyrone Brazelton had 31 for the Toppers, while Kevin Love and Russell Westbrook both notched points/rebounds double-doubles for the Bruins.
Xavier 79, West Virginia 75

Incredible game. WVU was behind by double figures in the first half and gritted its way back into it in the second. Bodies were hitting the ground like a Sopranos marathon. And when regulation ended with a tie and the extra period started, it was perfect March basketball. A shockingly wide-open shot when X inbounded the ball with just two seconds left on the shot clock sealed the deal, but for good measure, the Mountaineers started bricking free throws. Josh Duncan was Xavier's rock once again, scoring 26 and hitting nine of his ten free-throw attempts.

East (Charlotte) Region

North Carolina 68, Washington State 47

I have cast this as Unstoppable Force vs. Immovable Object for several days now, but I conveniently forgot that Roy Williams' teams are always capable of playing some D themselves, and that tipped the balance in this one. That and three-pointers. Not that UNC's 33 percent from the arc was mind-blowing, but in the early going, Tyler Hansbrough couldn't get untracked. As soon as the outside shots started to fall (Danny Green 3-5), Psycho T started doing his thing, and ended up leading the Tar Heels with 18 points and 9 rebounds.

Louisville 77, Tennessee 60

David Padgett is everything that is right about College Basketball, people. At least, that's what Jay Bilas would have us believe. What I can't figure out is, when he meets our other dorky white savior in the next round, who do we root for/genuflect in awe of? Anyway. Bruce Pearl threw Smiths at the Cards all night long, and it didn't make much difference in the outcome. Louisville's Jerry Smith had 13, as did Andre McGee. And Terrence Williams brought the oohs and aaahs with his athletic 12. By the way, Derrick Caracter (9 points, 5 rebounds) says he's going pro. Good luck with that, Chief.

Western Kentucky tried to sneak up on UCLA last night and darned near pulled it off, but the real news was Louisville, which blasted Tennessee and looked like a team that couldn't possibly have lost to Seton Hall. The only team that looked better than them was ... well, North Carolina, which, by their standards in this tournament, slacked off by only winning by 21.

We are sad, however, to see Joe Alexander and West Virginia gone. With a little more eccentricity and Jamiroquai style, he coulda been the next Pittsnogle.

NORTH CAROLINA TAR HEELS

1. He Got Served. His intense weight room workouts earned him the nickname Psycho T, and his predilection for pedicures has led some to call him a sissy. But it's Tyler Hansbrough's dedication to the ping-pong table that has earned him true notoriety. The Sporting News and Sports Illustrated national player of the year, who loses more contact lenses than he does loose balls, has brought with him to Chapel Hill the Texas-style version of table tennis. The rules are simple: the first player to lose two consecutive points has to remove his shirt, and the winner gets to hit the ping-pong ball as hard as he can ... right at the loser's bare chest.

The off-campus apartment Hansbrough shares with teammates Bobby Frasor and Marcus Ginyard has a ping-pong table in the basement (along with a Wii that has a full Rock Band set-up). And when the Princeton tennis team was recently in Chapel Hill, getting a tour of the Dean Dome, Hansbrough challenged the teams' co-captain to a game of table tennis in the basketball players' lounge. Hansbrough, despite having virtually no backhand, won.

2. Perhaps he has a point. Roy Williams is a legend in North Carolina. But his sentiments about the state's most-watched tournament are akin to blasphemy. When the Heels' head coach was asked in 2004 about the ACC Tournament, he responded: "Do I love the tournament? No. I don't love the tournament at all." Williams downplayed the event last week, saying, "It's a great cocktail party and a big party for all the fans." Then, hours after winning the ACC Tournament on Sunday, he continued to disparage the conference tournament, saying what he really wants to win is the NCAA's event.

Maybe ol' Roy has a point: the Heels' last two NCAA championships - in 1993 and 2005 - came in years when they didn't win the ACC Tournament. And the team's success in the ACC event hasn't been a predictor of their performance in the NCAA tourney: Of the past six times they won the conference tournament - 1989, 1991, 1994, 1997, 1998 and 2007 - they made it to the Final Four "only" three times.

3. Preserving the mold. Heading into the NCAA tourney, the Tar Heels are looking to replicate both the full-throttle style and championship success of the 2005 national-title team. Speed merchant Ty Lawson continues to channel and shift Raymond Felton into an ever-higher gear; Wayne Ellington is every bit as dangerous and streaky a threat as Rashad McCants; and ultrafocused star Tyler Hansbrough is doing his best Sean May impersonation ... and then some. Piecing it all together, however, is the new-jack Jackie Manuel: defensive stalwart and resident noise-maker Marcus Ginyard. Arguably the best on-ball defender in the ACC and perhaps the nation, the starting wing player and fourth-string point guard not only has served as the squad's stopper, but has helped his Heels overcome the early-season loss of second-stringer Bobby "Fraser-Frase" Frasor; the seven-game absence of injured starter Lawson; and the well-meaning-but-often-shaky ways of former third-string senior Quentin Thomas.

As Ginyard's role increased throughout Lawson's lengthy ankle rehabilitation, Carolina benefited from his individual play and managed to improve as a defensive unit — long seen as the program's Achilles heel following Williams' return to The Hill. And though Ginyard may not have a posse, he does have a protege. The Archbishop O'Connell High School alum is a friend and mentor of elite prospect Kendall Marshall, a sophomore point guard for the Arlington, Va., school who already stands 6-foot-3 and has verbally committed to be one of Roy's Boys after graduating in 2010. The Prep Stars Recruiter's Handbook — based in Chapel Hill, appropriately enough, and published by former UNC All-American Dennis Wuycik — ranks Marshall as the 15th best sophomore in the country. The young lefty is no Ginyardian ball-hawker just yet, but he excels in the passing game and in shooting the trey. The slight-and-sleek Marshall has two more years to strengthen his frame and game before taking the torch from Ginyard and running with it.

The Dookies in Krzyzewskiville would expect nothing less from their hated archrivals. — Matt Viser and Brian Styers

WASHINGTON STATE COUGARS

1. RAW Rochestie Junior guard Taylor Rochestie (pronnounced RAW-chess-tee, more on this later) is a great personification of what makes the Cougs. He is unconventional (a lefthander, like his coach Tony Bennett), judicious yet generous (in the tournament his assist to turnover ratio is 3.5-1, in the regular season led the team in assists; also, in an unprecedented move, gave up his scholarship for the 08-09 season to incoming recruit Marcus Capers), unathletic yet effective (a certain west coast sportswriter "He resembles an intramural player until he burns you), as well as lethal (leads the team in 3 point/free throw percentage). The talented Mr. Rochestie took the road pretty much never traveled to Pullman. Born in Santa Barbara, Rotchestie first attended Tulane and proceeded to ball it up, earning Conference USA all Freshman Team honors in 04-05. But then an injured Rochestie watched as on Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast, destroying sizable portions of New Orleans, including the Tulane rehab facility. This forced Rochestie to exile in Texas, where he began seeking a transfer. That January Rochestie transferred to Washington State, where he was originally recruited but was not offered a scholarship. After sitting out the 05-06 season Rochestie worked himself into lineup last year, and has shown marked improvement since. Enough to be named a candidate for this years V-Foundation Comeback Player of the Year. But enough of the seriousness: A common "please put me on tv" sign at Friel Court this year was "show me your chesties." I have also heard the sophomoric utterance of "Taylor Raw-Testes", which I will not dignify with a response.

2. Can You Hear, Can You Hear The Thunder? Another junior who has emerged is Aron Baynes, Australian-Ass-Annihilator. The meaty Kiwi delivered a solid season for the Cougs, averaging 10.3 points and 5.9 rebounds per game, as well as providing the WSU faithful with the basketball equivalent of a lineman running back a fumble 80 yards for a TD. So far on the Cougars tourney run Baynes has had a great offensive game, where made 9 of 9 field goals against Winthrop, and defensively against Notre Dame, where he managed to slay the Giant Harangody as well as pull down 11 boards. But there is no rest for the Aussie as he goes against the UNC front-line, who are shorter/slighter than Mr. Baynes, but far more quick and agile. If it does come down to a slugfest down in the trenches, I'll put my $10 net worth on the Bayne(s)-Train (he might have a knife). Baynes has a background playing rugby. If Baynes can translate that aggression into keeping opponents off the offensive glass, the Cougars will continue to dance.

3. Good/Bad Things About Pullman. Informed Deadspin reader, if you ever find yourself extremely lost and or accepted into WSU here are some things you should know.

GOOD THINGS ABOUT WSU
*Bear Facility, nuff said.
*Zen Staircase, legally graffiti'd staircase, in the art department building, it puts you at peace.
* Sellas, so good, so cheap, so much.
* The com program.
* Just say "go cougs" to everyone, you'll be the most popular person in town in 20 minutes.
* Glenn Johnson, man, myth and legend.
* Nice change of pace from living in western Washington, avoiding these kind of white people.

WHATS NOT SO GOOD
* For as long as Daven Harmeling (sounds like its spelled) plays at WSU, he will have the most mispronounced name in college basketball.
* Every attempt at art, is a failure...
* Running into these kinds of white people.
* I wouldn't trust the sushi.....
* Edward R Murrow, famed Cougar grad, lied on his resumes, saying he went to Stanford. — Brian Tesch

Washington State vs. North Carolina, 7:27 pm Thursday

#4 Washington State Cougars

Last Weekend: Defeated #13 Winthrop 71-40, defeated #5 Notre Dame 61-41.

How Washington State Got Here: Defense to make the gods weep. When Winthrop got uppity and scored 29 points in the first half of the teams' first round meeting, the Cougs slammed the door on them, allowing only 11 thereafter (two treys, one dunk, a jumper, and one free throw, if we're counting). Notre Dame got one more point, but did it with less efficiency, shooting 24 percent from the floor.

What the Sweet 16 Means to WSU: Happy days are here again. The Cougs played for a national championship in 1941, losing to Wisconsin. But back then, there were only eight teams in the dance, so they've technically never been to the Sweet 16. This achievement means that young Tony Bennett was the right hire, and if Wash State is wise, they'll come up with whatever it takes to keep him around.

Chances to Reach San Antonio: Eesh. In any other region, probably excellent, based on that lockdown D alone. But Wazzou face their Bizzaro-selves in the Tar Heels, who have yet to score less than 100 points in any game they've played in this tournament. And if they get past the Heels, it's more of the same with Louisville or Tennessee.

#1 North Carolina Tar Heels

Last Weekend: Defeated #16 Mount St. Mary's 113-74, defeated #9 Arkansas 108-77.

How North Carolina Got Here: Absolute domination. Their two games - in particular the 108-77 destruction of Arkansas - were a complete team effort. Everyone played to their capabilities, and Arkansas, a good team, seemed shell-shocked from the get-go.

What the Sweet 16 Means to UNC: The real tournament begins. With their talent level and the expectations of Tar Heel fans everywhere, anything less than the Final Four would be considered a failure.

Chances to Reach San Antonio: If the Heels play like they did against Arkansas, their chances could be near absolute. If they play like they did during the regular season...their chances are substantially less than absolute. Every team they face is a Final Four, perhaps even Championship-caliber, from this point on. Carolina's had a tendency to get behind early in their ACC games. So far they've managed to escape with wins in all but one of those games (Maryland). If they do that in the Charlotte regional, over even let their opponent hang around too long, they could be watching the Final Four from home.

Louisville vs. Tennessee, 9:57 pm Thursday

#3 Louisville Cardinals

Last Weekend: Defeated #14 Boise State 79-61, defeated #6 Oklahoma 78-48.

How Louisville Got Here: In waves. At least, that's how they came at opponents. The Cards under Rick Pitino have the type of talent-laden bench that signals elite status, allowing the team to appear perpetually fresh and rested as they toy with lesser opponents. Eight players logged double-figure minutes vs. Boise State, and that number went up to nine in the savage, back-alley beating of the Oklahoma Sooners.

What the Sweet 16 Means to the Cards: Another shot at history. The Cardinals are rarely mentioned with the all-time programs, but they are no strangers to the Final Four or the National Championship. Rick Pitino aims to remind us all that this ain't his first rodeo, either.

Chances to Reach San Antonio: It's going to be tough. The East is deadly this year, but there isn't much of a talent gap between the four remaining teams. In that respect, the Cards have as good a chance as anyone. They'd probably like to see a little more out of David Padgett to get them over the hump.

#2 Tennessee Volunteers

Last Weekend: Defeated #15 American 72-57, defeated #7 Butler 76-71 (OT)

How Tennessee Got Here: White-knuckled. The Vols had to crank up the defense over the last six minutes of their game against tourney virgins American in order to advance, and then Butler took them to the limit in the second round until fouls claimed two of the Bulldogs' best players. At least we know they can play tough now.

What the Sweet 16 Means to the Vols: Us against the world. It's an old coaching chestnut, but it's got to be working for Bruce Pearl. Tennessee felt like they deserved a #1 seed, but they got stuck in the toughest region instead. Now they play a loaded Louisville team just to get to the Elite Eight. Oy vey.

Chances to Reach San Antonio: Depends on whether that alarm clock finally went off or not. The Vols won't be able to run the Cards out of the gym or wear them down with depth and talent, so it's time to simply want it more. And if they pull it off, there's more of the same on the other side. Tough draw.

Bruce Pearl's troops just frittered around enough to give the East Region its one shot of intrigue; Louisville, Washington State and especially North Carolina have looked dominant so far. How awesome have the Heels looked? Roy Williams actually admitted after the win yesterday that "we looked doggone good today." For God's sake, someone put a leash on that guy! He's out of control! (All together now: At least he finally gives a shit about North Carolina right now.)

Meanwhile, Louisville is one of the few teams we've seen in person this year ... and they lost, to Seton Hall. (This had the added humiliation of having taken place in Newark.) So where did that come from?

More to the point, though: Anyone who picked North Carolina to win the whole thing has to feel rather positive right now. So, Heels fans can all relax and just enjoy The Truth About Duke right now.

NORTH CAROLINA TAR HEELS

1. Look Out.North Carolina enters the tournament as the No. 1 overall seed and prohibitive favorite. Their path to the Final Four would start in Raleigh and move all the way to Charlotte. (Jim Boeheim on PTI Monday: "Does Carolina even need to get out of bed to advance?") They are peaking at the right time, with their ACC tournament championship capping a strong stretch in which the Heels won their final six ACC games by an average of 17.5 points. Point guard Ty Lawson is fresh, back from injury, and the rest of the team is as healthy as you can hope for. And Tyler Hansbrough is still, presumably, yelling at his muscles to "lift harder!" and, when they refuse, subjecting them to ping-pong punishment. Anything short of a Final Four berth would be something of a disappointment. Luckily, UNC will win the NCAA Tournament.

2. Blood Bracket. The bracket is set up for what would be two dream Final Four matchups for any blue-blooded Carolina fan. With Kansas #1 in the Midwest, UNC could face Roy Williams's old team in the semifinals, in an environment that surely will cause the dag-nabbed coach to, finally, give a shit. That's happened before; in 1991, Kansas beat UNC in the national semifinal; in 1993, UNC returned the favor. But looming as a possibility beyond that is the Holy Grail of college basketball What-Ifs, the ratings bonanza that might save CBS no matter how badly their fall series tank, the event that would cause Dick Vitale's tonsils to rip free from his throat and flee to Canada: a potential UNC-Duke matchup in the championship game. (Ed. Note: UNC-Duke is actually the Finals pick of this site's humble editor.) We can't even begin to express the amount of anxiety that would cause us, imagining Duke and its coach, Satan-Rat-Spawn, beating the Heels in the biggest game of their lives. Luckily, UNC will win the NCAA Tournament.

3. A Doherty Year. 2001-2002 was a great year for ACC schadenfreude, as the Heels went 8-20 under coach Matt Doherty and missed the tournament for the first time in 27 years. That disaster led my friends to coin the phrase "a Doherty year" to describe a period in your life when, in the midst of a long tradition of success, everything goes to shit, only to return fairly quickly to previous levels of quality. Our own personal Doherty year was 1995-1996. For Duke's lacrosse team, it was 2006. Queen Elizabeth's was 1992. It's possible that for Eliot Spitzer, it's 2008, or it's possible that things will never get better, making this less a Doherty year than a, say, Art Shell year. Matt Doherty's safely out at SMU these days, leading the Mustangs to a 10-20 record in his second year. Luckily for us, Roy Williams is our coach now, as we abandoned Matt Doherty like he was an Enron stock certificate dipped in herpes. Luckily, UNC will win the NCAA Tournament. — Dan Kois

MOUNT ST. MARY'S MOUNTAINEERS

1. Fun facts about your Mount St. Mary's University Mountaineers. Mount St. Mary's University was founded in 1808, making it the oldest independent Catholic college in the United States. It's located in Emmitsburg, a tiny mountain town in Central Maryland just south of the Mason-Dixon Line. The Mount (and yes, that's really what they call it) has been co-educational since 1972 and has seen a sharp spike in impure thoughts in the ensuing decades. According to my friend John, a 2002 grad, a popular saying around campus is, "Mount. It's not just a school. It's a verb." Basketball-wise, the most famous alumnus is former Bullets, 76ers, and Bucks guard Fred "Mad Dog" Carter. The Mount (18-14) gained the third tournament berth in school history by winning the Northeast Conference tournament. Strong efforts from the Mountaineer bench powered the team down the stretch, as the reserves notched at least 39 points in each of their last three games.

2. Hooked on a Phelan. If you have any familiarity with the Mountaineers, it's probably because of their former coach, the legendary Jim Phelan. He coached at the Mount for his entire 49-year career before retiring in 2003 with 830 wins (fourth all-time) in an NCAA-record 1,321 games. He guided his teams to 16 Division II tournament appearances, reaching the Final Four five times and winning it all in 1962. Phelan has received the honor of having the Mount's home court named for him; the NEC Coach of the Year award and the collegeinsider.com National Coach of the Year award also now bear his name. His trademark was an ever-present bow tie, and he kept a set of ninja throwing stars in his breast pocket, which he used to intimidate referees and gain favorable calls for his team. I may have just lied to you.

3. They Don't Burn Couches in Emmitsburg. The Baltimore Sun's recap of the NEC tournament final in Fairfield, CT notes that an unspecified number of Mountaineers fans celebrated the victory by storming the court post-game and ... throwing confetti. The reporter fails to describe the manner in which the fans threw the confetti. Were they tossing it in the air and letting it rain gently down? Or were they firing it at the Sacred Heart players and fans in an aggressive and taunting fashion? Personally, I approve of the injection of small-time whimsy into what is becoming an overdone and unimaginative expression of euphoria by college hoops fans. But I suppose Storming The Floor will have the final ruling on the matter. — Kevin Brotzman

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The East region gets the title of this year's "Region of Death." Not only does the East contain three teams that were considered for a #1 seed until early last week, but whoever plans on toppling top-seeded Carolina will need to do so in either Raleigh or Charlotte.
Yeah, not seeing Wazzou bringing enough fans to even out the Carolina crowd in Charlotte.

The region also boasts mid-major powerhouses in Butler, South Alabama, George Mason and Winthrop that can wreak havoc on the likes of Tennessee, Louisville and Billy Packer. Will Carolina cruise to San Antonio? Will Pitino change suits if the Cards are down at halftime to Boise State? Can George Mason be this year's "George Mason?" Who knows, but we'll gladly provide previews and pretend like we know what we're talking about.

1 North Carolina vs 16 Coppin State/Mount Saint Mary's (Raleigh)
Instead of the play-in game, shouldn't we just combine both Coppin State and Mount Saint Mary's and let them play with 10 guys against UNC's five? Wouldn't that be a blast? We'll support anything that keeps Fang Mitchell in the tournament.
The Pick: North Carolina

8 Indiana vs 9 Arkansas (Raleigh)
Man, the Dakich era is off to a rousing start, isn't it? Since taking over for Kelvin Sampson on February 3, the Hoosiers have lost to the likes of Minnesota and Penn State, slipping all the way to an #8 seed. Still, we like Eric Gordon to go off for at least one big tournament game before his IU career ends this weekend.
The Pick: Indiana

5 Notre Dame vs 12 George Mason (Denver)
This game looks like it has the potential to be the trendy upset pick of the year (along with Siena over Vandy). The Cinderella Patriots, playing in the traditional 12-5 upset game, get to play an Irish squad that can look very ordinary outside of South Bend. Mason also has an experienced big man in Will Thomas who can possibly shut down Gody. Yeah, we're going with the Irish too. We'll save the upset pick for Siena.
The pick: Notre Dame

4 Washington State vs 13 Winthrop (Denver)
Washington State got a very favorable #4 seed for a club that doesn't have an impressive win since beating USC on February 9. Don't get me wrong, we love the rec-team-looking Cougars as much as the next guy, but they got a huge break by the committee. This Winthrop team isn't as talented as the one that defeated ND last year, but they do have a victory over Miami (FL), which has to mean something. Look for this one to go down to the wire in a low-scoring affair.
The pick: Washington State close

6 Oklahoma vs 11 Saint Joseph's (Birmingham)
Ah yes, another upset that everyone will have penciled in. An experienced Hawk team gets a break by drawing an inexperienced and beat-up Sooner club. Hawks will pull this one out as long they remember that they play 40 minutes in college basketball, not 38.
The pick: Saint Joseph's

3 Louisville vs 14 Boise State (Birmingham)
The Cards dropped to a #3 seed after an early exit in the Big East tournament and now must face another wacky sports team from Boise State. Much like their trick-play loving football counterparts, the Broncos made the Dance by defeating New Mexico State 107-102 in triple overtime. Still, don't expect any Fiesta Bowl miracles here. The WAC was terrible this season, and Statue of Liberty plays will often result in a traveling violation in basketball.
The pick: Louisville

7 Butler vs 10 South Alabama (Birmingham)
The first of three mid-major contests features a Butler team that should feel slighted by a low seeding and a South Alabama squad that got very favorable seeding for a team that just lost at home to Middle Tennessee State. The Bulldogs may be lacking in the quality wins department, but the leadership of A.J. Graves, inside game of freshman Matt Howard and overall awesomeness of Philly product Mike Green should put Butler over Team USA.
The Pick: Butler

2 Tennessee vs 15 American (Birmingham)
I know that Tennessee probably has more athleticism between its team managers than AU, but I think that the Eagles can keep it close for a while at the very least. AU ranks sixth in nation in three point shooting and can stay in the game if they can control the tempo. Those are all very big ifs, but it would be enjoyable to see an enraged Bruce Pearl rip his shirt off.
The pick: Tennessee

Some East Region Superlatives...
Dark Horse for Final Four: Louisville
Dark Horse for Sweet 16: Butler
Best Opening Round Game: Butler-Team USA
Best Potential Game: Tennessee-Louisville
Round of 32: North Carolina over Indiana, Notre Dame over Washington State, Louisville over Saint Joseph's, Butler over Tennessee (had to pick at least one freakin' upset)
Sweet 16: North Carolina over Notre Dame, Louisville over Butler
Elite Eight: North Carolina over Louisville
Regional Champ: North Carolina

2. Blood Bracket. The bracket is set up for what would be two dream Final Four matchups for any blue-blooded Carolina fan. With Kansas #1 in the Midwest, UNC could face Roy Williams's old team in the semifinals, in an environment that surely will cause the dag-nabbed coach to, finally, give a shit. That's happened before; in 1991, Kansas beat UNC in the national semifinal; in 1993, UNC returned the favor. But looming as a possibility beyond that is the Holy Grail of college basketball What-Ifs, the ratings bonanza that might save CBS no matter how badly their fall series tank, the event that would cause Dick Vitale's tonsils to rip free from his throat and flee to Canada: a potential UNC-Duke matchup in the championship game. (Ed. Note: UNC-Duke is actually the Finals pick of this site's humble editor.) We can't even begin to express the amount of anxiety that would cause us, imagining Duke and its coach, Satan-Rat-Spawn, beating the Heels in the biggest game of their lives. Luckily, UNC will win the NCAA Tournament.

3. A Doherty Year. 2001-2002 was a great year for ACC schadenfreude, as the Heels went 8-20 under coach Matt Doherty and missed the tournament for the first time in 27 years. That disaster led my friends to coin the phrase "a Doherty year" to describe a period in your life when, in the midst of a long tradition of success, everything goes to shit, only to return fairly quickly to previous levels of quality. Our own personal Doherty year was 1995-1996. For Duke's lacrosse team, it was 2006. Queen Elizabeth's was 1992. It's possible that for Eliot Spitzer, it's 2008, or it's possible that things will never get better, making this less a Doherty year than a, say, Art Shell year. Matt Doherty's safely out at SMU these days, leading the Mustangs to a 10-20 record in his second year. Luckily for us, Roy Williams is our coach now, as we abandoned Matt Doherty like he was an Enron stock certificate dipped in herpes. Luckily, UNC will win the NCAA Tournament. — Dan Kois

From Freeman's column:

The media loves Tough Whiteness, too. Never mind that college basketball is full of blue collar, intense African-American players with more desire than ability. And forget the fact that Hansbrough is an excellent, highly skilled athlete, more Larry Johnson than Rudy Ruettiger. None of that matters. The media sees the tough white guy with the bloodied nose, scrunched up face and Hannibal Lecter mannerisms and falls in lust. Bill Raftery is an admirable professional who is one of my favorites to watch. He's extremely talented, but during a timeout in one North Carolina game, he said "watching Tyler Hansbrough listen is special." What? No, seriously, what?

Please forgive me if I stay out of this debate and just continue eating this melba toast. I hate controversy. But I will say that Sportsline may be rethinking their little "Tell Mike your opinion" link below his byline.

Media Crazy (In Love) With Psycho T [CBS Sportsline]

We can't imagine Duke feels too bad today; they split the series, after all, and this team clearly isn't going down in the first round to Virginia freaking Commonwealth.

The real highlight of the game, of course, was hearing broadcaster Dan Shulman being forced to apologize for the "Speedo Guy" that ESPN had been showcasing all weekend.

See, now, ESPN, this is what happens when you try to have fun; everyone just gets offended. Tough spot to be in.

The night before the series finale of The Wire, it's great to be treated to the whitest spectacle in college basketball, UNC versus Duke. The ACC regular season title is on the line for the fifth time in the series' history, which means the Cameron Crazies will have their rote chant sheets ready with all sorts of biting apercus to shout at Tyler Hansbrough. What were their thoughts last night when Coach K enjoined them to "concentrate on winning and being creative and supportive of our team." Video of Ratface's pep talk after the jump:

If Big Daddy Drew is to be believed, that's a subtle dig at the Jews! Right? Right?

Naturally, one must be on their best behavior when the Brothers Manning are expected to be in attendance.

Enjoy the game and go meteor.

Vitale returned from his throat surgery last night for the Duke-UNC game, and we were reminded once again how much we absolutely cannot stand him ... and how much we had missed him. Some people might go a bit overboard on this — "Vitale's return - with that first in-depth, technical analysis you can only get from Vitale, the diagnosis of a play that begins and ends with "Ohhhhhhhh!!!!" - sounded like one of the classics. Dylan singing "Like a Rolling Stone." Lennon doing "Imagine." Vitale shouting "Super! Scintillating! Sensational!" — but it's impossible to deny that a Duke-UNC game would feel different without Vitale's signature brand of screaming, idiocy and Duke fellatio. All of college basketball would. Those who say Vitale is owed a considerable amount of credit for college basketball's explosion over the last 15 years sound correct to us: When our Illini team of 1989, with Nick Anderson, Kenny Battle and Kendall Gill, busted out, it was Vitale whose voice we would all imitate while playing basketball in the back yard. "The Flying Illini, Baby!"

Of course, we were 13 years old, and 13-year-olds are stupid. Vitale is a guy that's vital to the game, and we're happy he's back, doing what he loves. It's not quite right without him. We're still not taking the TV off mute.

Grating? Sure, But It's Great To Hear Vitale's Voice [Northwest Herald]

Duke Basketball Report says today is like Easter Sunday, but we'd go with Halloween: A bunch of doofy people in masks pretend like they're hurting each other. As you'd probably guess, The Truth About Duke is fired up for the game. But we're still a little worried about Dick Vitale. Of all the games to return with, it's this one? He might lose it before he even has it back.

Next Up, UNC [Duke Basketball Report]