You see, it seems when Johnson legally changed his name last August, he wrote it out on the name-change form as "Ochocinco", instead of "Ocho Cinco". So instead of a cool, two-word nickname, the NFL says he's stuck with the one-word handle, which is doomed to be repeatedly mispronounced by Dick Stockton as "Awk-hotchin-ko".

The NFL explained its decision in typical humanoid fashion:

"It's his legal name," AFC information manager Corry Rush said Thursday.

Rush then immediately went back to re-checking the spelling of "Roethlisberger" for the 9,000th time in his tedious, soul-destroying career.

You may recall that part of the reason Ochocinco wasn't allowed to use his new name last year was because Reebok would have been stuck with all the "Johnson" Bengals jerseys they had already produced. I'm not sure whether he has time to change his name again before Reebok makes this year's batch. If not, be prepared to read pretty much this exact same story next year, when the league forces the Bengals' wideout to wear an "Ogho Gingo" jersey, because "his 'c's really look like 'g's."

Bengals receiver has yet another name [Yahoo Sports]

• Just Call Him Hanging Chad. The Cincinnati Bengals deactivated receiver Chad Ocho Cinco for tonight's game against the Steelers, so adjust your fantasy rosters accordingly. The reason: Violating a team rule. That takes in a LOT of territory, especially when you're talking about Ocho. But that's all the team's saying. T.J. Houshmandzadeh will get even more catches, I suppose. [NBCSports]

• Oh Sweet Merciful Baby Jesus, Make It Stop. Speculation has resumed about Brett Favre's retirement plans, according to the New York Post, which writes: "This offseason figures to contain plenty of drama surrounding Favre's future." For his part, Favre says he "has absolutely no idea" if he's coming back. [New York Post]

• Role Model, Indeed. Spotting a homeless man outside of a Cinemark Theatre in Dallas, Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo paid for the guy to come inside and sit with him and a friend for the movie. The featured selection? Role Model. Bonus quote: Romo, who confirmed the story but didn't want to elaborate, waved Doc over to sit by him and his friend. Doc sheepishly mentioned that he hadn't showered in a few days. "Don't worry about that," Romo said. "I'm used to locker rooms." [Dallas Morning News]

• X-box, Here I Come. Terrell Owens reports flu-like symptoms, Dallas Cowboys excuse him from practice on Wednesday. This can't be considered bad news for the 49ers, who play the Cowboys on Sunday. [Star Telegram]

• Driver's Father In Trouble. The father of Green Bay Packers receiver Donald Driver was involved in an altercation with Houston police on Wednesday and is in the hospital, family members said. Police said Driver was arrested for outstanding traffic warrants and was found to be "unresponsive" upon his arrival at jail. Paramedics transported him to the hospital, they said. Key graph from story: As they beat him and forced him to swallow something, the officers told Marvin Driver Jr. he was "going to see Jesus," according to relatives and community activist Quanell Evans, who identified himself as Quanell X.

Bulluck doesn't like Ocho Cinco. He prefers "Oucho Cinco," a reference to the receiver's shoulder problems.

"He's going to be on camera all day," Bulluck said, half-joking. "His shoulder … I don't expect him to run too many shallow crosses. I'm putting it out there for him to bite it, and I know he will."

I can't wait until Ocho Cinco takes the bait and responds. I suggest he add his own vowel, "Who is Keth Bullucko?" Killer.

Bulluck wishes Bengal well...for now [Tennessean]

On another note, checking out the other name change requests in the file has me laughing out loud. Parents can be so mean.

Chad Ochocinco's Name Change Documents Claim 'No Ulterior Purpose' [FanHouse]

Sorry, Chad: Even in Washington, you can't put Ocho Cinco on the back of your jersey.