Despite this sequence here where Phil Dalhausser did his best impersonation of Mr. Met, the U.S. men's team of Dalhausser and Todd Rogers came from behind to beat Brazilians Marcio Araujo and Fabio Magalhaes and give America a sweep of Beach Volleyball gold medals. And you'll be happy to know that the men's celebration was just as silly and contrived as the women's the day before. Hmm, how did they ever do it without Bush there patting them on the ass? The Americans won 2-1 (23-21, 17-21, 15-4), giving the U.S. three of the four men's gold medals since the sport was introduced in the 1996 Games.

• Decathlon News! Bryan Clay became the first American since 1996 to win the decathlon, finishing with 8,791 points, including 522 in the 1,500 meters. Andrei Krauchanka of Belarus took silver at 8,551, and Leonel Suarez of Cuba was third in 8,527. Can you name the American who won in '96?

• Bolt Wins No. 3. Jamaica won the 400-meter relay in 37.10 seconds, with Usain Bolt, who ran the third leg, getting his third gold medal. Asafa Powell, Nesta Carter and Michael Frater are are the rest of the team. The time is a world record. Trinidad and/or Tobago won the silver, and Japan took the bronze.

• Michael Phelps Is A Poor Sport. Just look at his shameful treatment of second-place finisher Milorad Cavic at the conclusion of the 100 butterfly.

• Baseball Been Berry Berry Good To Them. Cuba made us look like the San Diego Pades, hitting four home runs in a 10-2 slaughter. Baseball won't be part of the 2012 Games in London, and may not be reinstaed after that either. Undefeated Korea rallied to defeat Japan 6-2 on Friday for the right to face Cuba in the gold medal game.

• U.S. Beats Tiny Landlocked Nation In Water Polo. Tony Azevedo scored three goals and Merrill Moses stopped 16 of 21 shots to lead the U.S. over Serbia 10-5 and advance to the gold medal match against Hungary, an 11-9 winner over Montenegro in the other semifinal. The U.S. clinchjed its first water polo medal since 1988.

So is this the Japanese, softball version of the Miracle On Ice? In the most significant achievement for a Japanese female since O-Ren became head of the Ikuta Clan, Yukiko Ueno scattered five hits to lead Japan over the U.S. 3-1 in the gold medal game. What? (Checks notes). It was the Americans' first loss since 2000 — 22 straight games — in a tournament in which they had outscored opponents 60-3.

And it's not like they'll get a chance for revenge anytime soon: Softball will not be part of the 2012 Games in London; ironically due in part to the Americans' domination of the sport. Crystl Bustos' homer provided the U.S. with its only run, and now, sadly, she will not be able to achieve her dream of adding an "a" to her first name. While the U.S. team considered committing seppuku, the Japanese of course celebrated in the traditional way, by levitating their star player and leading her out of the stadium like a Macy's Thanksgiving Day balloon.

• U.S. Beats Brazil In Soccer. Dogs And Cats, Living Toether ... Mass Hysteria. This just in; the U.S. women's soccer team — now officially labled as "scrappy" — beat Brazil 1-0 in overtime for the gold medal. Carli Lloyd's left-footed shot to the far post from outside the box won it in extra time. Brazil had beaten the U.S. 4-0 in the 2007 World Cup, so this was a surprise.

• Doh! ... Doh! Both the U.S. men's and women's 400-meter relay teams dropped the baton at key moments on Thursday — although I suppose that anytime during the race would qualify as a key moment — and once again we miss out on some gold medals. Darvis Patton and Tyson Gay misconnected on the final pass in preliminaries, and then Torri Edwards and Lauryn Williams did the same thing for the women's team.

• Hero Worship. Good piece by NBC's Alan Abrahamson on Michael Phelps' friendship with Stevie Hansen, a young boy who was stricken with cancer. Definitely worth a look.

• Why The Long Face? Four Olympic athletes banned for doping. Oh, did I mention they're all horses?

In effect, Kurbanov has been sentenced to time served; is disqualification from the tournament deemed to be punishment enough. The infraction occurred with 17 seconds left in the third round, which Kurbanov trailed 12-6. The one on the left is Kurbanov, the biter, and the one on the right is the bitee, Shynaliyevon. The great part was that Evander Holyfield just missed seeing it; Holyfield was at the arena for much of the card, but left just before the bite.

• Sand And Fury. Phil Dalhausser and Todd Rogers of the U.S. dominated 21-11, 21-13 in the men's beach volleyball semifinals over 15th-seeded Renato "Geor" Gomes and Jorge "Gia" Terceiro of Georgia (no Russian invasion jokes, please). They advance to Friday's gold-medal match against fourth-seeded Marcio Araujo and Fabio Magalhaes of Brazil.

• Girls, We Need To Talk To You About Your Flair. One of Spain’s synchronized swimming teams was disqualified Wednesday for wearing waterproof lights. Andrea Fuentes and Gemma Mengual wore lights that were embedded in their swimsuits. Quote: “It got very sophisticated because obviously the battery doesn’t last long and then we had to look at circuits and interrupters, so we have been working on it around two months with a crack team. It looks a bit like Christmas lights. This is a very conservative sport…their excuse is that you cannot have accessories on your swimsuit, but the lights were sewn in. If you use those standards, sequins are a type of accessory”.

• Bustos, Bustos Golly. Crystl Bustos mania has reached fever pitch in Beijing, as her three-run homer in the top of the ninth clinched a 4-1 win for the Unites States over Japan, sending the Americans into the softball gold medal game. The game was scoreless after the regulation seven innings. Caitlin Lowe drove in the first run in the ninth. It was the Americans' 22nd straight Olympic victory.

• Introducing BMX Bike Racing! The crashes are what makes it fun. Tommorrow's course: The Great Wall of China.

• How would you like to be a 41-year-old woman that everyone introduces by saying, "This is 41-year-old Dara Torres." Suck. Torres, who actually did some sideline reporting for NBC in their XFL coverage back in the day, has some experience with being a freak, and nearly capped off her Olympic comeback with gold. She missed Germany's Britta Steffen by 1/100th of a second in the 50-meter freestyle final. The silver is Torres' 11th Olympic medal. Nice going, mom.

• Raphael Nadal won Spain's first-ever gold in men's tennis, beating Fernando Gonzalez of Chile. He will officially dethrone Roger Federer as the world's number one ranked men's player on Monday. Federer lost to James Blake (USA! USA!) in the quarterfinals.

• Oh, and the Willams sisters kicked the shit out of everyone to win gold in women's doubles.

The Cuban Dream Team rolled the U.S. in baseball, 5-4 in 11 innings on Friday, sending our friendly island neighbors well toward their way to a fourth gold medal in five years. We're now 0-2 1-2, but still alive, wishing that Bud Selig would have scheduled a two-week August break in the majors so that all of our Cubans could play theirs. Then we'd show 'em.

Of course, the way Cuba won was kind of lame. The newly adopted extra-inning rule calls for, starting in the 11th, runners to start on first and second and teams can start at any point in their batting order. Yes, like in softball. The rule got used for the first time Friday, twice. In the other early game, China earned its first ever Olympic victory with an 8-7 win over Taiwan in 12 innings. In a metaphor of what was soon to come, Jayson Nix fouled a ball off his left eye to start the bottom of the 11th for the U.S.

• Hot Chile Comin' Through. So the men's tennis final is the matchup you've all been waiting for; Fernando Gonzales of Chile vs. Rafael Nadal or Novak Djokovic. James Blake, who upset Roger Federer on Thursday, came up short in the semis, 4-6, 7-5, 11-9. Then in the true spirit of the Games, he accused Gonzales of cheating. Blake said that Gonzales failed to admit the truth about a disputed point two games before the finish. "I've spoken all week about how much I've enjoyed the Olympic experience, how much I love the spirit of it," Blake said. "That's a disappointing way to exit the tournament, when you not only lose the match, but you lose a little faith in your fellow competitor." Actually Blake will play for the bronze medal on Saturday. Somebody should tell him.

• The Write Stuff. Quiet if you please, I'm trying to read Natasha Kai's tattoo. The Flyin' Hawaiian, as she's called, headed in an extra-time goal, giving the defending Olympic champion United States a 2-1 win over Canada in women's soccer. The win put the U.S. in the semifinals. Brazil beat Norway 2-1 earlier Friday. Also, Japan beat China 2-0.

• Zorro Curiously Absent. France won the team gold medal in men's epee fencing, beating Poland in the title bout. The French trio of Athos, Porthos, and Aramis Jerome Jeannet, Fabrice Jeannet and Ulrich Robeiri won 45-29 in the gold medal bout. Poland took the silver, and Italy won the bronze.

Michael Phelps this. Michael Phelps that. What, no love for Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor, possibly the most dominating force in the Olympics this decade? The Americans clobbered Cuba on Tuesday in straight sets to all but assure hem a spot in the medal round, and really, was there any doubt? The only crisis the pair is likely to encounter in Beijing has already been resolved; the loss of Walsh's wedding ring. Relax everyone, it's been found. Bush was on his hands and knees with a flashlight all the previous evening combing the sand.

Walsh and May-Treanor, the gold medalists in Athens, beat Dalixia Fernandez Grasset and Tamara Larrea 21-15, 21-16 for their 103rd consecutive victory. The Cubans, ninth-place finishers in both Athens and Sydney, fell to 1-1.

Walsh is married to fellow pro Casey Jennings.

"I didn't know I was superstitious about it until I lost it," said Walsh, who had already called her husband and asked him to have another made so he can bring it to China when he comes out on Thursday.

May-Treanor, who is married to Florida Marlins catcher Matt Treanor, does not wear a ring when she plays.

But anyway, you still gotta like Brazil (possibly NSFW).

• Phelps Wins Gold No. 3. Ho Hum. Michael Phelps took gold in the 200-meter freestyle, lowering his own world record at 1 minute 42.96 seconds. That makes him three-for-three, and brings him to nine Olympic golds in his career; tying him with three others for most ever. Check in on the Phelps Tracker for further details.

• U.S. Men Are Sprightly, Fabulous. The U.S. men's gymnastics team started strong, faded and had to settle for bronze, but that's it's best result in years, so it's all cool. China won with 286.125, Japan was second with 278.875 and the U.S. slipped past Germany 275.850 to 274.600. "Hogannnn!" Raj Bhavsar, the alternate who took injured Paul Hamm's spot on the team, got the team off to a solid start on rings with a score of 15.325, equaling his score in Saturday's qualifying. He followed on vault with a 16.125, just slightly off his qualifying score of (16.175). On parallel bars, his score of 15.575 slipped only slightly (15.625). Jonathan Horton scored four of the best team scores in five events. In the first three events, he posted the team's best show on rings (15.625) and vault (16.20) and second best score on parallel bars (15.625).

• Pull! Glenn Eller, a 26-year-old from Katy, Texas, who attended Auburn, set an Olympic record, hitting 190 of 200 clay targets on his way to winning the gold in men's double trap competition. Good shootin', Tex.

• Empowered Women. No one can touch us in softball either, by the way. The U.S. began its bid for a fourth straight gold medal with an 11-0 win over Venezuela, setting an Olympic record for runs scored in a game. Jennie Finch threw four no-hit innings and Caitlin Lowe had an inside-the-park homer as the U.S. won its 15th straight Olympic game and dispatched the Venezuelans in five innings due to the run-difference rule. Venezuela now must give us half of their oil, per the pre-game bet.

• More Swim Gold. Aaron Peirsol won the men's 100-meter backstroke, defending his title with a world-record time of 52.54 seconds, lowering his old mark of 52.89 set at last month's U.S. trials. Teammate Matt Grevers earned the silver in 53.11, added to the gold he won for swimming the preliminaries of the 400 free relay. In the women's 100 back, Natalie Coughlin of the United States became the first woman to ever defend her title in the event, winning with an American record of 58.96.

• Take That, New Zealand. The American women scored the fastest goal in Olympic soccer history (40 seconds), for those keeping track of stuff like that. Final: U.S. 4, New Zealand 0. We're on to the quarterfinals.