I was prepared to break out my camera in hopes of capturing memorable footage of angry rivals. Unfortunately, Alabama's fair-weather fans have not sustained the rich tradition of literary invention found throughout the south; their cheers consisted mostly of several hundred iterations of the 'Roll Tide' call and response chant, which were parried weakly by War Eagle chants that grew more dispirited as the afternoon wore on.

But! I did find out this very interesting fact. Did you know Pam Tebow travels the south speaking at a variety of pro-life events every year, telling her inspiring story of how Tebow wasn't even supposed to happen? This probably isn't news to fans of 40 Days For Life, or the volunteers at Necole's Place, but I wondered if Tebow Nation was up to speed on Mom Tebow's extracurriculars. There's even a no-trade clause with God, which is why Tebow has to call his work against Bama today "preaching" and quite possibly why he won't make it to the combine.

So I've been up to my elbows in pro-life propaganda all day trying to find if I was breaking big news or just retreading something reported and tossed years ago. AND THEN THE GAME STARTED. I'd been thinking all day it was at 7 (yeah, yeah). So, hastily, here is the best prognostication blogging's Illuminati can provide: Alabama will jump out to an early lead. Rock on with your SEC Championship Open Thread.

This is 99, btw.

[Image: Tom Landry's Evangelical Comic (courtesy YM's awesome resident graphic novelist Eli Valley)]

Alrighty, folks. That wraps up my third week as Saturday Daddy. I hope you had as much fun reading as I did writing - granted, I was huffing whippits all day and drinking vodka all day, but hopefully what came out of my addled mind was at least amusing.

I assume many of you are on your way to a Halloween party, going trick or treating (give it up - you're too old) or turning off all of the lights in your house to avoid the little bastards in your neighborhood. If that's the case, be sure to keep your television on - we've got Game 3 of the World Series, four college football games (USC at Oregon & Notre Dame vs. Washington State count among them), as well as a bevy of classic horror movies to scare the pants off us (Night of the Living Dead on AMC and the scariest movie of all-time, Footloose, on VH1 - yikes!).

Oh, about the "scaring the pants off us" comment: I haven't been wearing pants all day. Isn't that just awful? But hey, you're the one reading the writing of a pantsless man, so put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Either way, consider this your open thread to discuss sporting events, virgin sacrifices or anything else you twisted Satanic fucks have planned for the evening.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Barry Petchesky's on duty tomorrow. Treat him well - he'll probably be coming down off a wicked sugar rush.

Happy Halloween, everyone. Look out for candy apples and razor blades. The dead cats hanging from poles shouldn't be much of a threat, though.

Have fun, kids. Have a drink on me. Don't send me a bill, though.

On CBS, we got Tennessee at Alabama, and since Lane Kiffin is involved, anything could happen. Alternatively, you could watch Boston College at Notre Dame, although I have no idea why you would want to do that.

Depending on where you are in the country, world or solar system, you will be watching either #13 Penn State at Michigan (45%), #11 Oregon at Washington (19%), Clemson at #10 Miami (19%) or Oklahoma at #25 Kansas (17%) on ABC.

Enjoy. Allow me to remind you once again, liquor makes everything better. Except for field sobriety tests, I guess. Just ask this guy who got busted for a DUI in northern Minnesota last year driving the below "vehicle."

That chair is ten kinds of awesome.

CBS.Arkansas at Florida

NBC. USC at Notre Dame

ABC/ESPN.This is where it gets confusing. Please refer to the below coverage maps to see which game you wish you were watching instead of the one being broadcast in your area.

44% get the Minnesota-Penn State game? That's a big "meh" for most of you, I reckon. By the way, did anyone else see catch Holly Rowe shoveling snow during her report on College GameDay on tWWL this morning to illustrate that yes, it was real snow and not some optical illusion? As a Minnesotan, I have to question Holly's form. She's going to blow out her knee if she keeps that up. Well, maybe not her knee, but I suspect she'll be blowing something before this day is over.

I am no great college football mind, so I'll spare you any in-depth analysis of those games except I believe the teams that have an easier time scoring have a pretty good chance of winning the game.

You know, rethinking this, I suppose you could have simply turned on your televisions to see what game you will be watching. Man, you people are lazy.

Have fun, kids. Should be a good time.

Due to various commitments, including actually attending a few games, this is the first Saturday all season that I've been able to park myself on a couch for a full day of semi-amateur football watching. And what am I rewarded with? Not a lot. Purdue-Minnesota? Arkansas-Auburn? West Virginia-Syracuse? Maybe I should go back to bed.

I guess I'd go with Virginia Tech-Boston College or Georgia-Tennessee if you can find them on your idiot box. (We're still waiting for a bona fide Lane Kiffin meltdown and this seems likes a good a time as any, right?) Good to see that neither CBS nor ABC could be bothered with an early afternoon game. I really needed to catch up on my Power Rangers.

College Football in HDTV Listings [HD Sports Guide]
ESPN TV Guide [ESPN]

Thomas Edward Brady Jr. will play his first real football game in twelve months, which means this season—unlike 2008's unholy abomination—will actually count. The prophecies have spoken of the "offense that will not huddle" and how the father of a handsome child shall smite that enemy with accurate mid-range passing. Joy unto the world for all days! It's almost like I had forgotten how to breathe and he is the giant asthma inhaler that will clear the bronchial tubes of my soul. Yes. I believe that metaphor works.

Then after after that—Chargers at Raiders! I predict that Tuesday Morning's America will have had such a good night's sleep, the health care crisis will be solved before lunch.

Knee injury behind him, Tom Brady determined to return Patriots to glory [Boston Herald]
Brady finally confirms Bundchen's pregnancy [SF Gate]

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The world is yours, readers, so open thread your brains out below. Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin and the greater Boston area. Some one still loves you.