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New York, 12:04 AM
Fri Dec 18
20 posts in the last 24 hours

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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of VegasWasteland VegasWasteland
    12/15/09

    In reply to Mailbag: Getting Old Blows
    ...I'll have those sessions where I just wipe and look and wipe and look and I can't ever seem to get to that end-goal "white wipe" that lets you know all the poop has been dismissed. Those sessions are awful.

    Drew- Have you ever expeienced the joy of the PBM (Perfect Bowel Movement) aka Phantom Shit? You take the longest dump imaginable, wipe and come up clean as a whistle, then you stand up and the poop has magically disppeared without a flush? Downright magical.
     Reply
    lukeoneil47 promoted this comment VegasWasteland was starred VegasWasteland was unstarred
    Image of lukeoneil47 lukeoneil47
    12/16/09

    @VegasWasteland: that's called throwing a perfect game.
     Reply
    lukeoneil47 was starred lukeoneil47 was unstarred
    Image of TT-Zop TT-Zop
    12/15/09

    In reply to Mailbag: Getting Old Blows
    I do indeed run the faucet and then turn it off without ever placing my hands under it, which is pure evil, when you think about it.

    When you think about it, your hands are cleaner than your dick, so I should be washing my dick every time I touch it, not my hands

    /this argument did not work with my wife
     Reply
    twoeightnine promoted this comment TT-Zop was starred TT-Zop was unstarred
    Image of twoeightnine twoeightnine
    12/15/09

    @TT-Zop: Where are you sticking your dick?
     Reply
    twoeightnine was starred twoeightnine was unstarred
    Image of Pete Gaines Pete Gaines
    12/15/09

    In reply to Mailbag: Getting Old Blows
    It's not quite getting laid at an airport, but when I was 20, I chatted up a hot 30-something woman at a Midway Airport bar (I was using my fake ID) and ended up going out to her Volvo in the parking garage to smoke weed. That was a good day.
     Reply
    Pete Gaines was starred Pete Gaines was unstarred
    Image of ScientificMapp ScientificMapp
    12/15/09

    @Pete Gaines: A 20-something girl got drunk in the seat next to me on a Tuesday morning flight to Las Vegas and started showing me naked pictures of herself on her cell phone (yes I was encouraging her a bit). About 20 minutes before we landed she tried to get me to follow her into the bathroom to bang her, which I politely declined. She started throwing up over Wayne Newton's house.
     Reply
    ScientificMapp was starred ScientificMapp was unstarred
    Image of twoeightnine twoeightnine
    12/15/09

    In reply to Mailbag: Getting Old Blows
    Hands down the best place to use the bathroom if you're out in public is Borders or Barnes and Noble. There's never anyone in there, they're always clean because it's nothing but nerds using them and they're always discreetly placed in the back of the store down a little hallway.

    If you ever need to take a shit while at Fisherman's Wharf in San Fran, walk two blocks to the B&N. I took a nice 30 min dump there and avoided the cauldron of AIDS.
     Reply
    twoeightnine was starred twoeightnine was unstarred
    Image of Bobby Big Wheel Bobby Big Wheel
    12/15/09

    In reply to Mailbag: Getting Old Blows
    Urine's cleaner than you think. Mostly just excess salts and water. In World War I it was sometimes used as bactine on the battlefield. Piss away in the shower.
     Reply
    Bobby Big Wheel was starred Bobby Big Wheel was unstarred
    Image of SponsoredbyV8 SponsoredbyV8
    12/15/09

    @Bobby Big Wheel: 100% sterile leaving your body.
     Reply
    twoeightnine promoted this comment SponsoredbyV8 was starred SponsoredbyV8 was unstarred
    Image of Sports-Pun Sports-Pun
    12/15/09

    In reply to Mailbag: Getting Old Blows
    ..if someone sees your feet facing the opposite way under the stall door, they might be alarmed.

    I feel they'd be more concerned by the fact that you're removing your pants entirely to even get into that Tantric Toilet position..
     Reply
    Sports-Pun was starred Sports-Pun was unstarred
    Image of ScientificMapp ScientificMapp
    12/15/09

    In reply to Mailbag: Getting Old Blows
    I don't want to tell my son someday that his mother was killed because of a Lexus commercial starring a gigantic fucking holiday bow

    It's better than Scott Peterson, who would tell his son that his mother was killed right before he went out for a gigantic fucking holiday row.
     Reply
    ScientificMapp was starred ScientificMapp was unstarred
    Image of Phintastic Phintastic
    12/15/09

    In reply to Mailbag: Getting Old Blows
    I try and time my poops so I don't miss anything.

    For the last time, get a fucking DVR Drew.
     Reply
    Phintastic was starred Phintastic was unstarred
    Image of ArkansasFred ArkansasFred
    12/15/09

    In reply to Mailbag: Getting Old Blows
    You can only buy Cadbury Crème Eggs at Easter

    Thankfully. Those things are like chocolate covered cum. Barf.
     Reply
    dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac promoted this comment ArkansasFred was starred ArkansasFred was unstarred
    Image of CumaeanSibyl CumaeanSibyl
    12/11/09

    In reply to Sitters Vs. Standers – The Great Wipe Hope
    It makes more sense for women to sit: 1) we always* sit,
    2) we always have to wipe, and
    3) we can easily reach between our legs from the front.

    I don't know of any women who stand, but then I haven't spent much time watching.

    *I exclude those goddamn hoverers who spray piss all over public restroom seats because "eww, the seats are too dirty to sit on." People like you are the reason for that, you filthy bitches.
     Reply
    CumaeanSibyl was starred CumaeanSibyl was unstarred
    Image of IamScarletSimmons IamScarletSimmons
    12/11/09

    @CumaeanSibyl: Do women really hover? I can only imagine that would lead to abs of steel. That or bursting forehead veins due to the stress.
     Reply
    CumaeanSibyl approved this comment IamScarletSimmons was starred IamScarletSimmons was unstarred
    Image of KaiserSoze KaiserSoze
    12/11/09

    @CumaeanSibyl:
    1. You DONT have to sit all the time.... man did not institute that unspoken law.. grannys did.
    2.Wiping is overrated... just shake whatcha mama gave ya and the drip will end. Crook your legs a bit and... VOILA!!
    3. You are correct on that count!! ALWAYS wipe from front to back to avoid infection
     Reply
    CumaeanSibyl approved this comment KaiserSoze was starred KaiserSoze was unstarred
    Image of Who's Cartwright? Who's Cartwright?
    12/12/09

    @CumaeanSibyl: i hope you aren't implying that you wipe #2's from the corn hole to the porn hole?

    gotta be front to back when doing the devil's potty.
     Reply
    CumaeanSibyl promoted this comment Who's Cartwright? was starred Who's Cartwright? was unstarred
    Image of CumaeanSibyl CumaeanSibyl
    12/12/09

    @IamScarletSimmons: Yeah, it's a common way of dealing with fear of dirty public restrooms. Great quad workout, but always leads to spraying. *shudder*
     Reply
    CumaeanSibyl was starred CumaeanSibyl was unstarred
    Image of CumaeanSibyl CumaeanSibyl
    12/12/09

    @Who's Cartwright?: Ew, of course not.
     Reply
    CumaeanSibyl was starred CumaeanSibyl was unstarred
    Image of CumaeanSibyl CumaeanSibyl
    12/12/09

    @KaiserSoze: Sitting is easier all around. They put the seat on a toilet for just that reason. I hear they have products these days to allow women to stand while peeing, but aside from camping trips, I don't see the point.

    Also: ew. The "leftover pee squelch" is second in grossness only to the "poo butt itch" described elsewhere in this thread.
     Reply
    Edited by CumaeanSibyl at 12/12/09 1:39 AM CumaeanSibyl was starred CumaeanSibyl was unstarred
    Image of thetaxman thetaxman
    12/11/09

    In reply to Sitters Vs. Standers – The Great Wipe Hope
    Drew, I just had this conversation with Mrs. Taxman. I strongly urge you to add this as #11 in your list of questions to ask a prospective mate.

    Some things you can't un-hear.
     Reply
    Drew Magary promoted this comment Edited by thetaxman at 12/11/09 7:21 PM thetaxman was starred thetaxman was unstarred
    Image of Shakey Shakey
    12/11/09

    In reply to Sitters Vs. Standers – The Great Wipe Hope
    So why didn't Drew create a poll for this at the end of the post?
     Reply
    Shakey was starred Shakey was unstarred
    Image of Saberhagendaaz Saberhagendaaz
    12/11/09

    @Shakey: Because all the shady sitters would cheat the vote like they did for Baby Mangino.
     Reply
    Edited by Saberhagendaaz at 12/11/09 6:28 PM Saberhagendaaz was starred Saberhagendaaz was unstarred
    Image of Shakey Shakey
    12/11/09

    In reply to Sitters Vs. Standers – The Great Wipe Hope
    Standing is the way to go just for the great angle that's created for spiking the soiled piece of toilet paper.
     Reply
    Shakey was starred Shakey was unstarred
    Image of Greek McPapadopoulos Greek McPapadopoulos
    12/11/09

    In reply to Sitters Vs. Standers – The Great Wipe Hope
    Early in our dating years, my wife walked in on me (as girlfriends tend to do, goddammit) whilst in mid-wipe.

    Jeez, doesn't anyone fucking knock any more?
     Reply
    Greek McPapadopoulos was starred Greek McPapadopoulos was unstarred
    Image of Juancho Juancho
    12/11/09

    In reply to Sitters Vs. Standers – The Great Wipe Hope
    If I'm in a public restroom, I want to spend as little time in there as I can, especially as little time with my ass on the seat (more specifically, on the t.p. in-between my ass and the seat) as possible.

    Also, it gives the Larry Craig-wannabe in the next stall no time to make a move.
     Reply
    Juancho was starred Juancho was unstarred
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