Well, they're both Spanish, for one. And that's all I've got. But for whatever reason, they make L.A.'s unlikeliest couple since O.J. and Nicole Carter and Lee Shaq and Kobe Khloe and Lamar.

When Gasol was traded from Memphis, Domingo pushed the L.A. Opera company to reach out to the big man and make him feel welcome. Now Domingo regularly attends Laker games, and Gasol goes to the opera (even when Domingo isn't performing).

I admire him a lot for his devotion and the passion that he dedicates," Gasol said of Domingo, adding that the tenor has put a positive face on Spain and is now doing the same for Los Angeles.

Domingo, for his part, suggested a parallel between his and Gasol's chosen vocations.

"A team like the Lakers, all the team plays hard, because they know they are the best, at this moment, they are the champions, no?" he said. "The same comparison is that when you are in an important position within the world of music, well, all the world hopes for the best. That is to say, the people don't come if they are not content. It's the same level. When you have the responsibility, at this height, you have to work very hard to give it."

I'm still waiting for the Times' story on Ron Artest's friendship with the late Wesley Willis.

The Lakers' Pau Gasol Gets An Opera Assist From Placido Domingo [LA Times]

But wait! Maybe Mark Madsen is not weeping. No, in fact he's reminiscing about that joyful day in 2001 when he stole America's heart with his clumsy clompity-clomping on stage during Shaq's victory rap. To Dana Belevedere, no less, who asked Madsen if he had any idea of how much he was embarrassing himself on stage:

"No...In fact, the only thought that went through my head was to tone it down and not be too flamboyant."

Success?

*****

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Big brown beavers, activate.

PHOTO: MARK RALSTON/AFP/Getty Images

Spanish news site, Soitu's article suggests that the international media are making too big of a deal of the "slit-eye" photo. Their article commences: "What began as a simple graceful photo to wish luck to the Spanish basketball team in the Olympic Games has finished with accusations of racism and discrimination in the foreign press."

Yes, of course, a simple, graceful photo.

The fact that this photo exists isn't a huge surprise. Basketball players aren't renowned for their worldly perspective. What's unique about this photograph is that it ran in two of Spain's biggest newspapers. As an advertisement for a courier service, no less. And not one single person in Spain thought it was the least bit offensive. Only when other countries saw the photograph did it become an issue. Put it this way, what would have happened in America if the U.S. Basketball team posed for these photos on behalf of Fed Ex? Yeah, thought so. The Spanish press doesn't think these photos are a big deal, but the rest of the world disagrees.

¿Te parece ofensiva esta foto? [Soitu]
Spain basketball team add victory to insult against China [The Guardian]

Hellllllo! I’m Doctor Neil Clark Warren, founder of eHarmony.com. I’ve been a clinical psychologist for over 35 years and have written nine best-selling books on building successful long-term relationships, all of which say basically the same thing. I’ve helped millions of fat, goofy, otherwise undatable people all across the country find their one true love, or at least their one person to grudgingly settle into long-term congress with.

I’ve helped women seeking men. I’ve helped men seeking women. I’ve helped black men seeking white women (is there any other kind?). I’ve helped archbishops seeking altar boys. I’ve helped pilots seeking bartenders. I’ve helped rapists seeking mute people. The list goes on and on!

I’ve even helped myself! Thanks to my patented 29-dimension personality test, I found the one true love for me! Isn’t that right, little Emily?

Emily: Help! The creepy doctor man keeps me in the attic and makes me wear a bonnet all the time! And he’s NOT a real doctor!

Ho ho ho, she is a PEACH! But I want to tell you now about my most successful matchmaking triumph of all. It’s the kind of match that would make Hodel from “Fiddler on the Roof” wet her burlap panties with vicarious excitement! It’s the story of how I found long-lasting companionship for NBA superstar and rough anal sex enthusiast Kobe Bryant.

You might think that finding long-term companionship would be a relatively easy endeavor for the best basketball player on planet Earth. But you’d be wrong! We had Kobe take our free 29-dimension personality test. If you’re not familiar with the test, here are the first two questions:

1) Are you reasonably attractive, white, straight, under the age of 35, in possession of no criminal record, make more than $50,000 a year, and are a desirable person who has simply had bad luck in love and can therefore help boost our success rate for PR purposes?

2) If the answer to Question 1 is “No,” please stop taking the test and go die alone. If the answer to Question 1 is “Yes,” do you like spicy food?

Some have called this test “rigorous,” or “needlessly intrusive,” or “clearly being used as an information hording device for sending out credit card direct mailers.” But my test is the scientifically engineered to match YOU with the person whose test answers are kinda the same as yours. After Kobe took our test, those 29 personality dimensions proved to be rather challenging for selecting a proper teammate. Usually we keep these under wraps. But, since Kobe clicked “I agree” on the Terms of Use page, presumably without actually reading the Terms of Use, I can do whatever the fuck I want with them. So here are Kobe’s 29 main characteristics:

• Moodiness
• Selfishness
• Bossiness
• Assertiveness
• Callousness
• Dismissiveness
• General assholishness
• Sadism
• Emotionally distant
• Uncontrollable temper
• Desire to be center of attention
• Periods of eerie silence interspersed with bouts of surprising sexual aggression
• Desire to take ride up “Avenue B” despite bedroom partner’s objections
• Badmouths teammates and loved ones at the drop of a hat
• Creepy compartmentalization skills that border on multiple personality disorder
• Bloodthirsty ambition that may cause him to one day bludgeon Paul Dano to death with a bowling pin
• Mama’s boy/Lothario thing inherent in all Italian-bred men
• Bad Pennsylvania driving habits
• Desire for commitment without any personal responsibility
• Immature belief that any wrong can be set right via the bestowing of material objects
• Big fan of that whole Madonna/Whore complex
• Obsessive cleanliness
• Somehow manages to look even unhappier when smiling
• Passion for hunting little Mexican girls
• Smacks lips when eating
• Cannot maintain erection unless own highlight reel is playing in background
• Intense curiosity about street life stemming from identity crisis over middle class upbringing
• Affinity for rum runners
• Personal insecurity manifested in repeatedly jumping over strange objects on camera

Quite the personality. And not an easy person to find the right match for! Right, Coach Jackson?

Phil Jackson: Kobe is someone I would describe as “mercurial,” which is just a fancy way of saying someone is a dick. He’s very guarded. He’s very reluctant to let anyone into his inner circle. But if you do manage to make it into that inner circle, then he’s very, very loyal. Unless you disagree with him, in which case he’ll kick you to the curb. I’ve tried many times to get through to Kobe. I helped him win three championships, but that didn’t seem to work. Then I bitched about him in public, which also didn’t work. I even tried making him read “The Kite Runner,” because that’s the kind of condescending thing I do with people. I tried pairing him with any number of teammates: Shaq, Lamar Odom, Tyronn Lue… for some reason, none of them worked out. It’s very hard to find the right teammate for Kobe, because he doesn’t really like other people. At all.

Indeed. After analyzing Kobe’s test results, our eHarmony computer suggested that his perfect match was none other than Richard Ramirez, the Night Stalker.

But Richard was already in a relationship. Then we asked those closest to him what THEY thought Kobe was looking for in a running mate. We even asked his wife, Vanessa.

Vanessa: FUCK YOU! Fuck you! How dare you write about Kobe! You didn’t say you were writing an article! Fuck you! You fucking bitch! You have no romantic ethics! Fuck you! You bitch! Look at this man, children. THIS IS WHAT A LITTLE FUCKING BITCH LOOKS LIKE!

This was proving to be our most difficult eHarmony match of all. We soon expanded our search to big cities like Chicago and Phoenix, with little luck. But, just when we thought all hope was lost, we found a little miracle in Memphis, by way of Barcelona. Pau and his lisping Catalonian accent were in a failing relationship.

Pau: I thon’t know what I dith wrong with grizzly bear. I play harth every night. I thcore. I rebounth. I maintain lovely head of hair. But grizzly bear keep growling at me, thaying “Growl! Everyone in Tennethee think Thpaniard is queer!”

It was a perfect match. Here was an eager, talented player, with no qualms about being a total doormat. It was a classic case of opposites attracting. Where Kobe was bossy, Pau was subservient. Where Kobe was selfish, Pau was deferential. Where Kobe liked raping people, Pau didn’t mind the occasional mid-bang fingerplug. That’s a European for you! All it took to bring them together was a little luck and the one GM dumb enough to think Kwame Brown isn’t a total piece of shit.

Pau: I’m tho happy now. Every night like a thlumber party. Only the party host getsth really mad at me for beating him on Nintentho and dethides to lock himthelf in hith room and not talk to me. Lo quiero!

It just goes to prove that there’s a special someone out there for everyone. All YOU need is a $50 registration fee and the willingness to not dig too deeply into your partner’s sordid past. It’s another eHarmony triumph of love!

• Those leprechauns sure have a dirty mouth. Lebron James thinks Boston's Celtic Pride runneth over, since the C's talk more trash than your average sanitation worker. "They're up there. Them and the Pistons. Sometimes it can get annoying, but they can back it up." Know who else can back it up? Bruce Willis. Yippee-ki-yay mother fucker! Anyway, King James stuck his foot in Boston's mouth with an almost triple-double of 33 points, 9 rebounds, and 12 assists. Zydrunas Ilgauskas also made his feelings known on the matter with 21 and 10 as Cleveland edged Boston 114-113. Ray Allen had 24 points for the still KG-less Celtics.

• Respect our authoritah! After Mike Dunleavy Jr. and friends shot almost 70 percent in the first half, Gregg Popovich was all like, "Hey bitches, we're the defending champs, yo!" The San Antonio defense then came out and kicked Indiana in its collective man region . The result: A 9-point third quarter for the Pacers and a 116-89 blowout for the Spurs. Tim Duncan, who enjoys the beauty of interpretive dance boogied his way to 19 points and 15 boards, while Manu Ginobili got his funky chicken on with 15 points and 7 assists. Danny Granger scored 15 for the Pacers, who also got 14 a piece out of Dunleavy and Travis Wiener. I mean, Diener.

• Okay, maybe they aren't better without Agent Zero. After Washington won back-to-back games against the Celtics a few weeks ago, everybody started talking about how nasty and gritty they are on defense (without Gilbert Arenas) and how efficient and unselfish they are on offense (without Gilbert Arenas). Surprisingly enough, this caused fans and writers across the country to pose the following shocker of a question: Are the Wizards better without Gilbert Arenas? The short answer: No. The long answer: Very no. Last night, the magicians choked up a 12-point lead in the fourth quarter by missing 15 of 20 shots, clanking all 10 of their three-point attempts, and turning over the ball seven times. Seriously, the captain of your high school chess team would have done a better job scoring at the Playboy Super Bowl Party. Not surprisingly, the 76ers won 101-96 behind Andre Iguodala's menacing stare. (Oh, he had 20 points, too.)

• Bear trapped! You really don't expect a team to win when it gets a combined 60 minutes of playing time out of Darko Milicic, Kwame Brown and Brian Cardinal. And the Grizzlies didn't. But man, they came a lot closer than anybody thought they would. Mike Miller poured in 32 points and Rudy Homosexual-Last-Name added 21, but the Bucks pulled their hoof out of the trap for a 102-97 win thanks to the hot-shooting Mo Williams and his 32 points.

Bad idea. Very bad idea. Rocky 5. Michael Jackson's marriage to Lisa Marie Presley. Selling Babe Ruth to the Yankees. Aerosol cheese. New Coke. Opening Al Capone's vault. Leisure suits. New math. The eight-track tape. Michael Jordan's baseball career. Smell-O-Vision. The Maginot Line. Ishtar. Spray-on hair. Thong underwear for men. The Edsel. Spandex clothing in plus sizes. These historic blunders will one day pale in comparison to "Shaq to Phoenix." Actually, scratch that. They already do.

Anyway, these days, they have celebrity figurines to serve as the peasant ... and one of those "celebrities" is the Grizzlies' Pau Gasol. That's really the figurine. They also have one for Thierry Henry and Ronaldinho. You can find some more here, including President Bush, Sherlock Holmes, Salvador Dali and, obviously, the Pope.

The Grizzlies promotions staff needs to get on this, stat.

Nothing Says Christmas Like A Defecating Pau Gasol [100 Percent Injury Rate]

I'm going to go outside now, but if you live in or around the Washington, D.C. area — and I've been told half of you 'Spinners do — make sure to head down to the Barry Farms Recreation Center at 7 p.m. tonight to catch what many are billing the game of the summer: All Daz vs. 3rd Eye, starring Gilbert Arenas and Kevin Durant. That's the rumor at least. Shoals is excited.

And oh, yeah, Barry Bonds. Homeruns, baseball, records, etc., etc....