King talked with the league's President, Michael Huyghue, who had this to say:

He said the chances of a UFL team signing Michael Vick to play the 2009 season are "98 percent.'' Strange percentage, but that's what he said.

"Michael's not going to be able to walk right back into the NFL,'' Huyghue said. "He's going to need some kind of buffer before he signs in the NFL, and we'll be able to provide that for him.''

Vick is scheduled to be released from prison in July of 2009. Just in time for the proposed start of the UFL season in September of 2009. Vick would be banned from playing in the CFL so long as he's banned from the NFL. This rule was implemented by the CFL in August of 2007. CFL teams also have small salaries with a team cap of around $4 million. Why is that significant? The UFL is planning on teams having a $20 million dollar salary cap and quarterbacks could make between $1 and $4 million a year. Most importantly, a bankrupt Mike Vick would be free to play as soon he's released from jail since the NFL suspension rule doesn't apply to the UFL.

So the UFL could then package Vick and their new league to television networks. The UFL would have a marketable star (albeit a hugely controversial one) and television would have a reason for people to tune in. This is where it gets interesting. Who would be interested in televising the UFL? The NFL now has deals with ABC/ESPN, NBC, CBS, and Fox. Would the NFL be okay with these networks (and their many subsidiaries) giving any air-time to an upstart league that kicks off on Friday nights? Generally not. At least not in the past with competing leagues.

But, what if the UFL gives a fig leaf to the NFL's new personal conduct policy? They can kick guys out of the NFL without having to worry about their ill-defined policy being challenged by the NFLPA in court. Plus, they don't have to worry about the monopoly charge because they can point to the UFL. The NFL can then ship their vagabond players out of the league with year-long suspensions, allow them to rehabilitate their images elsewhere, and then bring them back when their "sins" have been cleansed. Which would be perfect for a player like Vick. As if all this weren't enough, the UFL could serve as a farm-league of sorts now that the NFL's European football experiment has given up the ghost. Something to keep in mind as America's most famous prisoner continues to serve his time.

Vick could play pro football in 2009 [SI.com]
Peter King: Vick could play in 2009 [SportsbyBrooks]

Peter is just the sweetest guy, and he can just indulge his id at any point. ... So the food comes. And this is PK: He said, "I really need to talk to an African-American assistant coach. A guy who really should be a coach in this league, to talk about the percentage of black head coaches in the league. I need to talk to somebody like Ted Cottrell."

His phone rang 30 seconds later and it was Ted Cottrell, and he takes the phone call, and as he takes the phone call, the food arrives. And Flem had gone outside to talk to his wife on the phone, so Peter sees Flem's pizza, and you can see him thinking, "How do I ask the question so Ted will speak for a long time?" So he reaches over, and he grabs two whole pieces of Flem's pizza, eats them in two bites. It was the most staggering thing I had ever seen.

So PK stuffs his face while conducting phone interviews. Makes you wonder what he's swallowing when he's chatting up Brett Favre.

Josh Elliott Calls Morning SportsCenter ESPN's Acknowledgment of the Blogosphere [FanHouse]

I think in the interest of full disclosure, I want to report that my daughter, Mary Beth King, has taken a PR internship with the Seattle Seahawks for the season. It's going to sound hollow to say I had nothing to do with it, but I didn't. She applied without telling me. New family rule: Mary Beth does not share conversations with Matt Hasselbeck or Mike Holmgren with her father.

That's refreshing that King didn't have anything to do with landing his daughter a job but isn't there a conflict of interest, at some level, still there? And does a "new family rule" precluding any Seahawk talk around the King family dinner table really eliminate it?

What's left out of this column is what exactly Mary Beth will be doing in the PR department. If she's refilling water jugs and doing other mindless work, it's probably not a big deal. But if she's mailing out press releases or involved in promotional events directly related to the Seahawks organization, it's a bit slippery, especially given that Mary Beth is central figure in many of King's columns. Granted, King will be smart enough not to slyly sneak in a little blurb about Lofa Totupu's Adopt-A-Kitten drive or whatever, but, in some ways, it'd probably be best to keep Mary Beth's daily activities out of MMQB until after she's completed her internship.

Peter King: MMQB [SI]

As we're all too painfully aware, Brett Favre asked for his release from the Pack yesterday and, as happens anytime Favre so much as flosses his butthole, PK has an update on the situation up within minutes, even though it's basically recapitulating al that he assumed would happen before.

Favre's first choice is the Vikes, because his former quarterback coach and current pally Darren Bevell has the unenviable task of being the offensive coordinator under Brad Childress in Minny. But we know the real reason is that he wants to haunt Big Fatty Drew.

Update: The Pack have told Favre he's welcome to come back as a backup, but they're not releasing him. Peter King immediately starts bounty on Aaron Rodgers.

As we've mentioned, Peter King has been an outstanding NFL reporter for a long time, but it wasn't until he started writing regularly for the Web that he became such a big star. We have to respect him for losing weight for the occasion.

And look: We almost made it through a whole Peter King post without mentioning Brett Favre. So close.

So: Do you like the Peter King? Do you not like the Peter King? Let us know.

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

Others have pointed out the resemblance of King's MMQB ramblings to Larry King's old USA Today column, but we'd never noticed, until Food Court Lunch pointed it out to us, that he more closely resembles The Onion society columnist Jackie Harvey.

Here's a King and a Harvey, side-by-side.

Awesomeness, Billy Joel's
[At the Superbowl]: "Great combo of anthem (Billy Joel) and flyover. The four fighter jets appeared to be about 20 yards over the top of the stadium. Amazing. Prince, Schmince."

"Congratulations to piano man Billy Joel for his induction into the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame. Billy, with such classic records as The Nylon Curtain, Storm Front and River Of Dreams under your belt, when it comes to rocking and rolling, you're far from an 'innocent man.'"

They've got a lot more examples; it's really quite striking.

Peter King Is Jackie Harvey [Food Court Lunch]

It's a rather compelling read, actually; whatever your thoughts on King, he has always known his football. Here's a couple fascinating tidbits from the story, including his 10 things that would fix the league (he's always liked his top 10 lists):

Problem #10: The game has no character and almost no color.
Solution: Do a better job marketing the players.

Comments: Here's the actual first line of Peter's final solution for the NFL..."Follow the NBA's lead." When's the last time you heard that advice? Yikes. But that's as good a line to end with as any. The NFL is king of the hill now. 13 years ago? "Be more like the NBA." Classic.

It's a fascinating read, and not just for the lack of references to King's colonoscopy.

Old SI Review: December 6, 1993 [10 Cent Freeze Pops]

So we heard word the other day that SI.com had been preparing a mention of our friends at Kissing Suzy Kolber, basically mentioning their take no prisoners, fan-friendly approach. It was a complimentary bit, which is certainly why it was killed, most likely because of Peter King.

Why does everyone's favorite NFL beat guy dislike the KSK guys so much? Well, back in July, the gang posted pictures of Peter King's daughter, taken from her Facebook profile, that might have implied she was somewhat intoxicated. Quite an uproar ensued, and ultimately, KSK caved and took the photos down. King, perhaps understandably, was still not pleased, and may have put the kibosh on the SI.com mention.

The question is: Who's right? Come with us as we listen to both sides and try to come up with a reasonable moral solution.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-

"It's unbelievable that Kissing Suzy Kolber would post a photo of Peter King's daughter. She is a private citizen who deserves to remain that way. What kind of weirdo would go looking for photos of a guy's daughter, for crying out loud, and then post them to the Web? Peter King is just a guy doing his job, and they go out and post embarassing photos of his kid."

"Please. Calling Peter's kid a 'private citizen' is pushing it, don't you think? He's mentioned her countless times, the school she attends, the sports she plays, even the dorm she lives in. The only reason they knew where to find those photos was because Peter had given them a road map. If he had never written about her, they would have never known to look for the pictures. He made his own bed."

"I repeat: This is the guy's daughter. You think he's happy that she has a Facebook profile with drunk pictures? No one would care about those photos if he weren't in the public eye, and they're using his daughter to settle imaginary scores with him. I mean, that's a free column: If they really don't want to read about his surgeries or field hockey, they don't have to. Going after him for that is just petty. No one has chained them to their computers."

"First off, Peter King is an excellent football resource who is required reading for any real fan. But it's not just that: His television career really took off not because of the magazine, but because of the Web column. The reason he became so popular is because he opened up his world (and his writing) to an online audience. You have to take the good with the bad on that; the Web's a tough place, and if you start talking about your life as if it is somehow lived in public, you open the door for all aspects of it to be looked at. Oh, and, by the way, it's not like they sneaked into his daughter's dorm and snapped those pictures of her. She had them taken, and she posted them to the Internet. She clearly wanted someone to see them."

"But these are just anonymous dudes — 'Unsilent Majority?' 'Captain Caveman?' 'flubby?' What the hell is that? — tossing pictures up on the Internet without any accountability. There's nothing you can do back to them, because they hide behind the closed door of pseudonyms. There's no appreciation, no standing up for what they say; people know what they know about Peter because he has the guts to back up his own words. And Facebook is also a private site that's meant only for friends and associates; they went into a site they weren't supposed to have access to."

"Yeah, it's so 'private' that they were able to easily hop on and grab them. You know how hard it is to get a photo off Facebook? RIGHT CLICK. Surely, if his daughter is smart enough to post photos to her site, she knows this. As for anonymity and transparency, it's a lot easier to contact one of those guys than it is to contact Peter King. Email one of them, and email Peter King, and see which one gets back to you first."

"You're a dick."

"No, YOU ARE."

So, folks, whaddya think? Who's right? We're eager to hear your thoughts in the comments, anonymous or otherwise.

When ESPN's Tom Jackson shot down Michael Irvin's "Manning vs. Manning" commentary last week with the moderately offensive "Are you retarded?" question, a few were a little taken aback.

Yes, Jackson could've been more sensitive by calling Irvin "mentally challenged," or "a mongoloid" or, even better, attempted to make his comment more complimentary, like, by calling him the much more inspirational "fat-tongued hero."

But, retard it was. And aside from The Internets, it seems to have been overlooked greatly by much of mainstream media. Maybe it was glanced over because of Jackson's quick and seemingly sincere apology — or maybe it was understood that his insensitive remark was merely playful banter. Or maybe, just maybe, the shackles of political correctness have finally been removed from NFL analytical debates. For the sake of this week's column, let's assume that's the case.

So, I'm ironing my Chris Burke jersey, strapping on my safety helmet and setting odds on the next exchange of thoughtless insults we're bound to see this season in upcoming weeks.

Steady your drool cups, it's time to jump.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—--

Bob Costas insults Peter King: 8/1

Topic: Should Mike Shanahan bench Jake Plummer for Jay Cutler?

"I say, no, Bob, because remember that Plummer's the guy that led this team to the AFC championship last year. I say, if you bench Jake, you're pretty much sending a message to the team that you're folding up the tents on the season if you go to Cutler this early."







"Well, it's obvious, Peter, that your love for Jake Plummer is based solely on the fact that he's one of the only quarterbacks in the league that has yet to have sex with your daughter, Mary Beth."








"Excuse me..."












"You heard me. I clicked on her My Space page and now my finger has Chlamydia. Onto the AFC North..."

Mike Golic insults Mark Schlereth: 6/1

Topic: Fact or Fiction: Is Reggie Bush a lock for rookie of the year?

"Fact. Charley Casserly single-handedly set this franchise back about 10 years when he picked Mario Williams. Reggie Bush is the most explosive offensive player to come into the league since Barry Sanders and could very well be the guy that makes the Saints a perennial Super Bowl contender for years to come."

"Fiction, you misguided Mexican. Reggie Bush has played exactly four games in the NFL and already people are making him out to be Jesus Christ. You've got burritos for brains if you think Bush will even be the best running back to come out of this year's rookies, let alone the best overall."

"Hey, I was born in Alaska..."

"Well, then, I'll personally take your mother on a dogsled ride in my pants if Bush wins Rookie of the Year, okay, Nanuk? FICTION."

Shannon Sharpe Insults Dan Marino: 4/1

Topic: Chad Johnson's End Zone Celebrations

"Hey, I'm all for having fun out there. It's just this 'Me, me, me' stuff that gets a little tired. It undermines the other 10 guys out on the field who busted their butts to get you in that end zone."

"Come on, Dan?! You Italian, right? You telling me Italians don't get excited? Tell me you didn't get excited when you was little and your Moms would come out with that big, ol' bowl of spaghetti and salami and shit for Sunday dinner?

"I don't understand what that has to do with anyth...?"

"I'm. Just. Saying. That. Italian. People. Like. To. Dance. Too. I betchoo if I had a tray of cannolis in front of me right now you'd be doing motherfuckin' back flips."

Sean Salisbury Insults Merril Hoge: 1/5

Topic: Who will win the NFC North?

"I know things aren't going well now, but if you put Aaron Rodgers under center, this is a team that could easily run the table. Rodgers might be the best kept secret in football and under the tutelage of Favre, he could do lots of things — especially with a deep threat like Koren Robinson and the addition of Vernand Morency in the backfield, this is a potent offensive team. And if they don't do it this year, my money's on the 2007 Packers to go 16 and 0 on the way to victory in Super Bowl 42."

"Exactly how much lead paint was in your mother's tit when she breast fed you?"

(Shakes head. Laughs.)

"Every time you speak, I take this pen and stab myself in the thigh underneath the desk to stop myself from choking you."

(Shakes head. Laughs.)

"Honestly, I hope you get face cancer and eaten by a rabid cheetah."

Sports Illustrated will launch later this month "various video programs exclusively on SI.com," according to Terry Lefton in this week's SportsBusiness Journal. SI Managing Editor Terry McDonell said, "Our programming has to go deeper than just personalities. Our charge is to take the magazine experience and making it an every day/every hour thing on SI.com." Peter King will have an NFL-insider segment on "King's Corner;" Bob Costas and Jeff MacGregor will host "Jump The Q," which will "showcase the two in an informal setting discussing the sports issues of the day;" and Paul Zimmerman will be featured in "She Says, Z Says," where he will "offer his weekly NFL picks with SI swimsuit models who are avowed football fans." King and Costas will also star in a yet-untitled webcast on the "lighter side of sports."

First off, we can all agree that Bob Costas and Peter King just don't get enough camera time. But more to the point: Dr. Z and swimsuit models??!! Wha? We're not quite sure what to do with that. Probably cry a little.

"Here's the deal, Peter King: we're tired of you writing about the details of your life in your otherwise very enjoyable NFL column. ... Honestly, your column has become an insufferable, scattershot, imperious bore. Regular readers of Monday Morning Quarterback have now been subjected to your coffee habit, your green tea habit, your TV show preferences, your massive airport bowel movements, your torch-carrying for post-Katrina New Orleans, your complaints about coach seating on airlines, your correspondence with deployed servicemen and the goings-on of your family, most notably your athletic daughter Mary Beth."

(UPDATE: Apparently, King missed the deadline.)

(SECOND UPDATE: The KSK guys have caved; they've taken down the two posts. Probably for the best.)

But anyway, that's not the most horrifying mental image your sports pages bring you today anyway. From Peter Gammons' Sunday blog, about Roger Clemens' "training habits:"

All the Team USA pitchers — and pitching coach Marcel Lachemann — were in awe of Roger Clemens. But one thing they weren't ready for was Clemens taking that Icy Hot that pitchers rub on their shoulders and arms and spreading it over his upper thighs and private parts. "He doesn't want to get comfortable on the mound," says Jake Peavy, who tried the same trick Friday night in Phoenix.

That's right, folks; Roger Clemens spreads Icy Hot on his crotch. This explains so, so much.

Peter Gammons' Blog [ESPN Insider]
Peter King's Monday Morning Quarterback [SI.com]

We think this is an outstanding notion, this "binkie." It does seem that all sportswriters seem to have one, their person that they won't stop celebrating as great, facts, their eyes and the opinion of everyone else on the planet be damned. For Whitlock, it's George. For the late Ralph Wiley, it was Eric Davis. For Peter King, it's (obviously) Brett Favre. Jayson Stark has a thing for Curt Schilling (and, somehow, Doug Glanville). Rob Neyer kisses the ground Billy Beane urinates on. Bill Simmons, typically, has a non-athletic celebrity as his binkie: Jimmy Kimmel.

We love this game. Who's your favorite sportswriter binkie? The comments are open, folks. We're curious to see what you've got.

Whitlock Roasts Himself, But Mostly Roasts Irvin [Deadspin]
Sugar, Mr. Poon?

Selections from the most recent Monday Morning Quarterback column:

• Carolina. Weird, unusual. But dominating.
• The CBS in-game football music. It's awful. You guys have to change it. I'll beg if I need to.
• I'm so odd I'm asking for bobbleheads for Christmas, and my kids look at me like I'm a very strange man.
• Charlotte's a nice, growing, comfortable downtown. Very nice. Good walking city too.
• House withdrawal. Missed it last week. Feel my pain?

Honestly, would a single one of those lines be out of place in a Larry King column? We're full expecting a "Look up a picture of 'class' in the dictionary, and you'll see a picture of Kurt Schottenheimer" sentence any day now.

Peter King Archive [SI.com]
I Am Fucking Insane [The Onion]

And even worse: this week's column makes the following Larry King-esque reference:

If Craig Biggio's not a Hall of Famer, I'm Twiggy.

Sheesh. Pete's out of control. Mr. King, sir, the movie is called "The Best Little Girl In The World," and it stars Jennifer Jason Leigh. Rent it. We're just watching out for you.

Monday Morning Quarterback [SI.com]

Remember Big Dawg? The wide-bodied Cleveland Browns mascot with the flabby dog mask?

Got his stomach stapled. He's gone from a Bernese Mountain Dawg to, well, just about a greyhound. The Dawg weighed 539 at the time of the stapling, a year ago. He's down to 249. That's a 290-pound loss. He wants to get to 190.

When Cleveland Browns fans are getting stomach-stapling surgery, we're through the freaking looking glass here.

Monday Morning Quarterback [SI.com]