In the cleverly-titled column, "City of Brotherly Love? My butt!", Wells hits all the main points one desires to touch on when ripping on Philadelphia ("It's not Brotherly Love in that town - it's Brotherly Hate." - zing!), although to his credit, he managed to show some restraint and refrained from discussing how Philadelphians once booed and threw snowballs at Santa. He does not, however, quell any stereotypes regarding the typical Philly fan, so apparently, the Yankees - and any broadcaster, for that matter - better be ready for the onslaught.

Wells relays a story about how fans called Cal Ripken a homo when the TBS baseball studio crew were doing a broadcast from Citizens Bank Park during the playoffs.

When I was in Philadelphia earlier this postseason with Cal Ripken Jr., Dennis Eckersley and Ernie Johnson for TBS, we got booed. We were just doing our show out in center field and people were walking by saying "You fat piece of [bleep]. . . . Tell Cal he's gay. . . . Ernie Johnson sucks."

I'm like, "Who the hell are these people?" We've got no part of baseball.

We're doing the game and TBS stuff and these Phillies fans are just f-bombing us to death.

How dare they, right? Wells does maintain that there are "true good fans in Philly who are respectable and do the right thing," the bad apples "take away from the good fans they have there, because I think Philadelphia does have some good fans." Aw, that's nice. I'm sure the residents of Philadelphia who aren't mouth-breathing mongoloids appreciate his deference.

Overall, it isn't a bad column given that I didn't even know that David Wells knew how to read, let alone write. I'm thinking Pulitzer!

City of Brotherly Love? My butt! [New York Post]

Video - Phillies Fan Dry Humps NBC Philadelphia's Claudia Rivera [Bob's Blitz]

That's not a misquote or some gotcha journalism, either. Sixty-five campers, all African-American or Hispanic, arrived at the Valley Swim Club in lovely Huntingdon Valley, where they were scheduled to make weekly trips for the summer. Some of the campers claim they were asked what they were doing at the club, but they still stayed for an hour and afterward, the club's president was "apologetic" for his members' whispers. Just a few days later, though, the campers' membership check was "refunded," which meant they were no longer welcome. Then came a statement from the club — not an out-of-context sound bite, mind you, but a poorly-worded, written defense:

"There was concern that a lot of kids would change the complexion … and the atmosphere of the club," John Duesler, President of The Valley Swim Club said in a statement.

To be fair, changing the grounds' atmosphere can mean a lot of things. For a small club, the blitz of 65 children might have been overwhelming. Or, the kids were minorities and everyone freaked out.

Naturally, the Daily Kos is all over the story, piecing together relevant excerpts from all of Philadelphia newspapers (they still exist!) and radio stations. But why read digital ink when you can read the local blog The New York Times linked to this morning?

The Valley Swim Club is a nice Sunday morning jog from my house, and the type of people who make up the membership are the ones who joined to get away from all the Negroes who might pollute the city pools. So this story is not surprising. What's surprising is how surprised everyone seems to be that this actually happened. Obviously they don't read black blogs. And they certainly don't keep up with the racism chasers. If they did, they would realize that we can't keep up. Racism is all over the place, and chasing it is becoming just too damn hard.

Holla at the folks at The Valley Swim Club and let them know that in the age of Obama even little Negroes should be able to swim in peace.

Word?

Montco swim club accused of racial discrimination [Philly Inquirer]
Pool Boots Kids Who Might "Change Complexion" [NBC Philadelphia]
Valley Swim Club: Day Two [Daily Kos]
I thought black folks couldn't swim [The Field Negro]

Hickey's brain was gone. His body was destroyed. Even if he miraculously popped out of his week-long coma, the odds of him living, walking or thinking the same were slim. Thankfully, everyone was wrong.

And Hickey lived to tell (and write) his remarkable journey from near-death to glorious, vengeful life. Which is most unfortunate for the person who ran him over:

I'd like to be all Buddhist about it and let the lesson center on how precious life truly is. How being a kindhearted person pays unimaginable dividends when push comes to near-death shove. And how karma will do the dirty work for me.

That's all true, but edited down for public consumption. I'm sure you can handle the raw answer to that question: The driver had better fucking hope the police catch him first, because if I do - and believe me I will - I'll string him up by his balls. Then, after kicking every last one of his teeth into the street, I'll ask him how he'll run away from assault charges now. I'll close with spitting in his fucking face as he cries, "Why did you do this to me?" The Jersey Curb Sandwich seems too harsh? Fine. Being the spiritual badass I am, I'll be content to just publicly humiliate him, day after day, for the cowardice of refusing to take accountability for his actions.

Welcome back.

Dead Man Talking [Phillymag]

Simers' main point was that Philadelphia, for its pugnacious reputation, is still a city of perpetual losers and should not be feared. That's fine. T.J. Simers has a job to do. Of course, the testy Philadelphia fans played right into it and inundated the poor old hack's email account with obscenity-laced responses. Admittedly, I've lashed out at columnists over the years who've taken the oh-they-booed-Santa cheap shots Philadelphia. I once wrote Charlotte Observer columnist Tom Sorensen a thoughtlessly cruel email prior to the 2003 NFC Championship game against Carolina. I made fun of his hair, Rae Carruth, wished illness upon his family members — all that stuff. Sorensen went to that game and saw the worst of the worst of Philly fandom as the Panthers and Ricky Manning, Jr. smoked the Eagles 14-3. I believe his wife was heckled or had beer chucked on her or something. So his column the day after both gloated and condemned the fans for their unruly behavior and wished 100 years of loserdom upon us. (It kind of worked so far. Tom Sorensen can curse your city for life, apparently.)

So this is my suggestion: I'd love to know the worst Philadelphia fan experiences from those who've either attended games in the city or written a negative story about Philadelphia only to have their email boxes bursting with angry responses . You know, "typical Philly" stuff. Might as well get it all out now and in one location. It'll be a fun thing to look at next week as the series moves to LA and will give columnists in Boston or Tampa a jump-start on their own anti-Philly columns should the Phillies make it to the World Series. (Fingers crossed. Not a jinx. )

Email me with your vileness: ajd@deadspin.com

Of course, these jerseys will be on the racks at Philly-area Modell's Sporting Goods within the next week. Just in time for prom season.

Stephen Colbert Attempts to 'Tongue the Crack of Liberty' [The 700 Level]

To make matters worse, the judge admonished the living situation at the Reid home, stating that they are "definitely a family in crisis" and likened the Reid home to a "drug emporium." Honestly, this judge is a cock. Regardless if he's right or wrong, these "kids" are 22 and 24-years-old. They're men. Drug-addled idiots, mind you, but still men. So, dressing down the Reids in a roomful of reporters is unfair, a little showy, and inappropriate. Especially during Cowboys week.

The Sad, Sad Saga of the Reid Brothers Continues [Fortress of Pillows]

Philadelphia is home to the least attractive people in the United States, a survey of visitors and residents showed on Friday. For unattractiveness, Philadelphia just beat out Washington DC and Dallas/Fort Worth for the bottom spot. Miami and San Diego are home to the most attractive people, the poll found.

Philadelphia: So many dogs, so little time. Pittsburgh, of course, dodged a bullet when this guy retired.

I always thought that Eagles fans wore bags over their heads because their team was losing. Hmph. Live and learn.

[Yahoo News]