About Last Night...

It's Deja Vu In The NBA Playoffs

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who is mourning the Suns today. When he's not being bummed out, you can find him hating the Spurs at Basketbawful. Enjoy!

I feel like we've seen this before, Part I. Well, Dirk Nowitzki and his Mavericks got the playoff matchup they wanted...and five games later, they're once again on the outside looking in. Surprise, surprise.

Tim Duncan, With Emotion AND 3-Point Range

Revisiting Kevin Johnson's Harold Reynolds Defense

Free Darko On San Antonio-Phoenix

We're looking at every NBA Playoff series through the eyes of both Free Darko and Basket Bawful. Here's Free Darko's look at the San Antonio Spurs-Phoenix Suns series. Your author is Dr. LawyerIndianChief.

Rollin rollin rollin, we ain't slept in weeks. That's how the entire NBA feels about this whole Shaq-to-Phoenix thing. The universe is ill at ease. The weather patterns have shifted. A subtle tremor has rippled throughout the land, from the electricity in Steve Kerr's vibrating chair, to the tofu crumbs in Phil Jackson's beard, to the Buffalo nickels in Mark Cuban's moneybin. Since arriving in Phoenix, Shaq has been bad, he's been good, he's been fast, he's been slow, he's been important, he's been self-important, he's been a dick, he's been a comedian. And not a damn bit of his regular season hijinks matter now.

The NBA Playoff Shakedown Continues...Airplane!-Style

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who will never get over Nacho Grande! When he's not quoting 80s comedies, you can find him flossing his teeth at Basketbawful. Enjoy!

I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you. And the Suns' two big fellas came through. Amare Stoudemire finished with 21 points on 8-for-13 shooting and Shaq - fresh off his one-game mini-vacation - scored 16 points and grabbed nine rebounds as the Suns went to San Antonio and knocked off the champs, 96-79. The Big Returner had eight of those points in the fourth quarter when the Spurs doggedly (and foolishly) refused to double-team him. Said Shaq: "I told them that if they play me single coverage, let me make them pay. I'm still the baddest 36-year-old ever created." (Ahem. Karl Malone begs to differ.)

Who Knew Hondas Were So Roomy?

It's April Fools In The NBA, Starring The Western Conference Playoff Race

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who just crumpled up his "Western Conference Playoff Position" spreadsheet and ate it. When he's not trying to make heads or tails of this crazy playoff race, you can find him running suicides at Basketbawful. Enjoy!

It's good news, bad news for the Phoenix Suns. Here's the good news: They overcame a 22-point second-quarter deficit to beat the Denver Nuggets 132-117, thereby tying the Lakers for the Pacific Division lead (although the Lakers have the tiebreaker) and pulling to within one game of the Hornets and Spurs for the top spot in the Western Conference. It was the third-best comeback in franchise history, and it helped them reach the 50-win mark for the fourth straight season. Now here's the bad news: Mike D'Antoni used only seven players (D.J. Strawberry's 36-second cameo doesn't count), and the Suns play again tonight in Denver for the second game of their back-to-back series with the Nuggets. Oh, and since the loss dropped the Nuggets from a seventh-place tie to the ninth spot in the conference standings (i.e., out of the playoffs), I'm guessing they're going to be very motivated and the Suns are going to be very tired...especially since Grant Hill is out with what the Suns' team report described as a "hidden groin problem." (Someone hid his groin? Those sick bastards.)

Shaq's New Diesel

Kevin Johnson's Mayoral Campaign May Have Hit A Snag

Honda Prelude Not Built With Shaq In Mind

Cleveland Fans Rejoice, Suns Fans Weep. For Today, Anyway.

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who blah, blah, blah-diddy-blah. Who cares, right? When he's not forcing you to read useless factoids about himself, he's doing it to a completely different set of readers at Basketbawful. Enjoy!

• Shaq has done the impossible. In only three short games, The Big Houdini has magically transformed the 2007-08 Phoenix Suns into...the 2007-08 Miami Heat. Less than 48 hours after scoring 85 points against the Celtics, the Suns - whose previously beautiful and free-flowing offense had been averaging about 110 PPG - scored only 86 in a 30-point home loss to the Detroit Pistons. "It's embarrassing, it's disappointing, it's everything," said a very depressed Steve Nash. "Why couldn't we have had a Devean George to block this tra...I mean, it's no big deal. We'll get it together. We just need more practice. And, you know, a miracle." The Pistons led by 11 points after one quarter and pushed the lead to a whole lot before settling for a 116-86 victory. Rasheed Wallace showed up to work and punched the Suns clock with 22 points (8-for-10) and 8 rebounds. Amare Stoudemire had 31 points for Phoenix, but he got mandangled on the boards (he had only 3).

Phoenix Suns Reveal First Attempts To Clone Shaq

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who would use the power of Mighty Science to clone the pet turtle who died when he was 12, and probably Lynda Carter. When he's not fantasizing about a harem of Wonder Woman clones, he can be found manipulating DNA at Basketbawful. Enjoy!

• You know, it's amazing what we can do with a little blood sample these days. The Phoenix Suns - unsure whether Shaq can stay healthy for the remainder of the season and facing questions about their team depth - have decided to violate the very laws of nature and create several Shaq clones to fill out their roster. Unfortunately, the first attempts went...less well than they'd hoped. The first two clones basically look like white teenagers in Shaq masks. And they each have five asses. But the Suns medical staff has vowed to perfect the process, right after they finish a castle seige with their World of Warcraft guild. In the meantime, the real Shaq made his Phoenix debut with 15 points (6-for-9), 9 rebounds, 3 assists, 2 blocked shots, and 1 dive for a loose ball that wiped out referee David Guthrie. Oh, and he almost killed teammate Raja Bell with an inadvertent elbow. Unfortunately, Kobe Bryant cockblocked the win by scoring 41 points despite his fake pinkie injury and the Lakers won 130-124. But regardless of the final score, Shaq proved he can keep up with the Suns' helter-skelter pace. and showed that he can add a whole new dimension to an already great team. To be continued ...

Angry Shaq's Death Toll Currently Stands At One Shark, Maybe Shawn Bradley

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who once attended a Sports and Literature class with Brian Cardinal but still doesn't know whether Cardinal can actually read. When he's not bidding on game-used Kwame Brown NBA logos - listed as very rare!! - he can be found hiding from Shaq at Basketbawful. Enjoy!

• You won't like him when he's upset. Shaq is straight-up pissed that 71 percent of "people in America" think the Suns committed franchise suicide by trading for The Big Geritol. "You just don't really want to get me upset. When I'm upset, I'm known to do certain things - like kill." Shaq then paused for dramatic effect and said, "Let me put it this way: Have you seen Shawn Bradley lately? Didn't think so." Meanwhile, Phoenix Suns team physician Dr. Thomas Carter said he was "pleasantly shocked" at The Diesel's physical condition. "Because, seriously, I'd heard he was dead," said Carter. "And when I checked the standings and saw the Heat only had nine wins, well, I just assumed the worst."

Does Anyone Have The Heart To Tell This Guy That Nash Isn't American?

The NBA Closer is written by our Canadian weekend maestro J.E. Skeets. When he's not busy scouring the box scores or ordering some violent quiche, he can be heard on The Basketball Jones daily podcast.

• Three-Pointers You Can Believe In. Steve Nash increased investments in infrastructure, energy independence and education in the first half; brought the troops home from Iraq in the third quarter; and scored 15 of his season-high 37 points in the fourth to lead the Suns past the Bucks 114-105. All in all, not a bad Tuesday. Grant Hill returned to the Suns' starting lineup, less than two weeks after undergoing an appendectomy. He had eight points in 27 minutes.