It's the Oakland A's vs the Minnesota Twins. A's trying to clinch the series at home ... did you hear that? The A's can win a playoff series today!

Your pitching matchup is Brad Radke for the Twins and Danny Haren for the A's.

And your live blog begins after the jump. Play along with us in the comments, and email us if you have anything you want to add. Enjoy. It's going to be updating in real-time today, so it should be more fun.

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Anyway, it's not raining in New York City right now, so we're ready to go. It's the New York Yankees against the Detroit Tigers, Game 2. And look: A-Rod has been stretching all night and is ready to go!

Your starting pitchers are Justin Verlander for Detroit and Mike Mussina for New York.

And your live blog begins after the jump. Play along with us in the comments — we're still posting those at the end of each half-inning — and email us if you have anything you want to add. Enjoy.

(UPDATE: The live blog is actually working in real time now! So come on in! We swear!)

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Regardless, we're back at it today: It's the Oakland A's vs the Minnesota Twins. Difficult loss for the Twins yesterday, and we would say an A's win today could put the Twins in a hole of which there is little escape ... but these are the A's. We'll believe they'll win a playoff series when we see it.

Your pitching matchup is Boof Bonser (yes!) for the Twins and Esteban Loaiza, who presumably didn't drive to the game, for the A's.

And your live blog begins after the jump. Play along with us in the comments, and email us if you have anything you want to add. Enjoy.

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Bottom Of The Ninth Inning

Huston Street is in. If he gets the first guy, this wills hut down fast, we suspect. And he does. Fly to Bradley ... one down.

Strikeout. We feel kind of bad for Twins fans: We really do. Bat-Girl's going to be inconsolable; she might even torture some Legos.

Jason Bartlett, of all people, is the last hope. And he dinks — we don't think we've used "dinks" yet — a single to right. Luis Castillo .... 3-0 count ... 3-2 ... ball four! Tying run at the place ... and it can only be one time of year ... you know it ...

It's Puntober!

Full count ... popped up! That's all ... and that's totally all for the Twins. That should be an extremely fun flight to Oakland. But hey: Aren't all flights to Oakland fun?

A'S 5, TWINS 2

Top Of The Ninth Inning

You know what might possibly make Twins fans more suicidal? That's right: Insurance runs! Nick Swisher leads off with a double, and Marco Scutaro — just say the word, OHHH!!!!! ... Scu-Scu-Scutaro! — coudl bring him home. Look! The Twins have remember they have Joe Nathan! He's just warming up, though. Scu-Scu-Scutaro grounds Swisher to third. And now Nathan is coming in.

From a reader: How come no one has mentioned how much Marco Scutaro looks like Scott Baio??? This is an egregious oversight. Indeed! Bob Loblaw!

WILD PITCH! Another run scores. We don't mean to imply that the Twins are toast, but there are buzzards being vivisected by the Metrodome's air conditioning system.

Joe Nathan doesn't look so hot, which is probably because he plays for the Twins, who, at his rate, will be hit by buses as soon as they leave the dome. Kotsay doesn't hit an inside-the-parker this time, fouling out. To the ninth. Twins are over. Poor kids.

A's 5, Twins 2

Bottom Of The Eighth Inning

The Twins have hit the ball hard twice, and they've both been right at A's infielders. The Metrodome looks extremely unhappy. And sounds awfully quiet. Time to get The Wave going again.

Torii Hunter strikes out on a pitch he had about as much opportunity to hit as the did catching that ball earlier. He hears some boos. Difficult to blame them.

A's 4, Twins 2

Top Of The Eighth Inning

Our correspondent: "I wish I could adequately describe the atmosphere in here. shocked, sullen and denial come to mind." We think he's being nice.

Frank Thomas struck out, and we're actually were taken aback by that. By the way, had he been running on Kotsay's hit, he'd just now be arriving at third base.

A's fans: Has Eric Chavez always swung at pitches a foot over his head? We've seen him do that about four times today.

Juan Rincon shuts down the A's, striking out the side, and the Twins have six outs to bring in two runs, or, at the very least, get their fans to stop doing The Wave.

A's 4, Twins 2

Bottom Of The Seventh Inning

All right, we're still flabbergasted by what Torii Hunter just pulled. He had zero chance of catching Kotsay's hit, and he had to have known that. Did he think he could fly? He might singlehandedly make Billy Beane's shit work in the playoffs.

Justin Duschererererererererererrrr is into the game, and he just struck out Luis Castillo. That's three K's looking for scrappy Luis.

OK, the Twins fans just did the Wave. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A's 4, Twins 2

Top Of The Seventh Inning

The sidearming Twins guy gets Jay Payton to start. We're not quite ready for Jay Payton to be playoff force. Mark Ellis singles to left, and Jason Kendall is in. If he played for a team other than the A's, he might bunt.

Instead, he hits into a fielder's choice. You know, Kendall has really been hit by a LOT of pitches for someone who hasn't been around nearly as long as Craig Biggio. We have always prided ourselves on our ability to be hit by pitches, even when we're just sitting on the couch.

Pitching change. Dennys Reyes. Did he get skinnier? Or are we confusing him with someone else? Mark Kotsay is the designated lefthanded batter.

Holy crap: Torii Hunter just did something incredibly, diabolically stupid. Kotsay loops one to center field, and Hunter tries to dive and grab it. He misses it, it goes to the wall and Kotsay comes all the way home with an inside-the-parker. And that, friends, was as bad a postseason mistake as you'll see someone make. You'll see it about a million times in the next 24 hours.

A's 4, Twins 2

Bottom Of The Sixth Inning

Look, it's a Boof/John Bonser fansite! We bet he doesn't get that if he's still John. So that's something.

Michael Cuddyer finally gives Twins fans something to do: He shoots a homer over the left-field wall, and the lead is cut in half. We think Loaiza doesn't have much time left.

And he probably should have been pulled right there: Justin Morneau ties it with an upper-deck shot, and Loaiza is toast, free-spirit necklace or not. Ken Macha muppets out to replace Loaiza, and look, they make big sound in Minneapolis!

With all the momentum in Norse land at his back. Torii Hunter swings and pops out to right on the first pitch. In for Oakland is Kiko Calero, and at this point, we have to remind that the Cardinals traded him, Danny Haren and top prospect for Mark Mulder, who so hurt he looks like the Boxing Helena lady. Awesome trade. We don't need starting pitching and bullpen help at all.

Calero, just to taunt us, shuts down the Twins 1-2 after the two homers, and then walks Jason Tyner, which sounds like the name of a child in a Christmas special. Tyner steals second base, and now Jason Bartlett, the scared boy from yesterday's game, tries to garner the Twins' first hit with someone within 180 feet from home plate.

Bartlett strikes out. We be tied.

Twins 2, A's 2

Top Of The Sixth Inning

Our poor reader at the Metrodome is slowly starting to lose his mind. It's not particularly fun to witness, particularly in the format of digital text.

Jay Payton hits a two-out single. In center field right now, just beyond the "fence," is the world's largest jug of milk. It's there, even though ESPN continues to be part of the anti-milk conspiracy and not tell us about it. TELL THE TRUTH, ESPN!

Nick Swisher pops up, and to the bottom we go. And by "bottom, " we mean "end."

A's 2, Twins 0

Bottom Of The Fifth Inning

OK: ENOUGH WITH THE COFFEE TALK. If you're not watching the game, Sutcliffe, O'Brien and Karros are still talking about this stupid incident in the dugout in which Milton Bradley might have accidentally spilled coffee on Loaiza. This is not a big deal. Loaiza is fine. Bradley will do far crazier things, we assure you.

Luis Castillo chops a two-out infield single, and Puntober is the tying run. He hits homers about as often as Jason Kendall does, though.

Jeez, Punto dove into first base again. STOP IT. And suddenly, it's Joe Mauer as the potential leading run. And so handsome, that boy.

Mauer hits it hard, but Eric Chavez makes an excellent stop and throws him out. Still no runs. This is starting to feel like the the Red Sox-Cardinals World Series. We hate it when we're reminded of that.

A's 2, Twins 0

Top Of The Fifth Inning

Yes! THESE are the necklaces! Baseball players are so silly.

Nick Swisher hammers — dammit, that verb again — a double to lead off, and John Bonser looks nervous.

A run! And it's Scutaro again. We really like us some Marco Scutaro. A double into right gives the A's the lead, and, uh, you know, the Twins probably need to start manning up. Ha. That's funny. The verb manning is the same as Manning, yet the mean the opposite. Or something. Dunno. 1-0!

By the way, we're told Peter Gammons mentioned Deadspin on Quite Frankly last night, but — shockingly! — we didn't watch it. Don't suppose anybody recorded it, did they?

Jason Kendall gets an RBI the only way he can: Not hitting the ball out of the park. He chops — chops! — a single to left, and it's 2-0 Oakland, and the Metrodome has a decidedly different feel than it did during the 1987 World Series. Which SUCKED, by the way.

Milton Bradley flies out to end the inning, and the clock is ticking fast on the Twins now.

A's 2, Twins 0

Bottom Of The Fourth Inning

A note from a reader on the necklaces:

About the A's necklaces that everyone seems so capitvated by: some Twins are wearing the same necklaces, except they are red and don't show up as well. They must be something provided by Major League Baseball. Maybe for the playoffs?

We doubt this is true, but if MLB is giving out necklaces for their players to wear in the playoffs, we are never buying a used car from Bud Selig again.

A reader who is actually at the Metrodome Blackberrys us: I think this game is at 1 today because its just as boring as my day job. boof is throwing too many pitches, we're not hitting again, and we can't keep frank off the bases. at least milton bradley has a monopoly on batting .000. seriously how did we lose to these guys yesterday?

Because neither of these teams can score. It's like watching the Cardinals if they didn't have Pujols. The A's have Frank Thomas, and the Twins ... well, they have Phil Nevin.

Dave O'Brien looks like he has gained about 15 pounds since the World Cup. Two-out single by Justin Morneau, and then another hit by Toriii Hunter, and we have the potential of — really — a run.

Nope! Ground out.

Twins 0, A's 0

Top Of The Fourth Inning

Frank Thomas, man ... he hits a one-out double. (It was a ground rule double, which is how he made it to second base.) Maybe Thomas will turn into Tito Landrum — remember him? — and play for three consecutive World Series winners in three different years. (If he goes somewhere else, that is.) Anybody else looking forward to seeing Thomas play first if the A's make the World Series?

Chavez lines one off John Bonser — which is now what he will be called — who picks it up and throws him out. He's a little shaken up, so he's taking some warmup pitches. Bonser is 6-foot-4, 260 pounds, and still changed his name. This is driving us crazy.

Jay Payton lines out to Tubby Castillo, and we're still scoreless.

Twins 0, A's 0

Bottom Of The Third Inning

Twins manager Ron Gardenhire is always pretty relaxed and jovial; he keeps making jokes while Sutcliffe and company "interview" him. As mentioned yesterday, we don't think this would be our attitude.

God, Loaiza has another of those ridiculous necklaces that apparently every A's player has. We know Billy Beane likes to keep matters loose, but come on: They should be ashamed of themselves.

Loaiza sets the Twins down in order, as our boy Puntober slides into first. We don't think the Twins were ever taught anything in spring training.

Twins 0, A's 0

Top Of The Third Inning

A reader points out something: Isn't one team supposed to wear a white jersey and the other a dark jersey? Of course, it's possible that the both teams are wearing white jerseys, and the smog inside the Metrodome is making them look odd on our set.

Mark Ellis strokes — we haven't used the verb "strokes" yet ... "New York City cops ... New York City cops ... New York City cops ... ain't too SMAHHHHHHT!" — a single into left, and Jason Kendall comes up. Isn't it strange that Kendall hits a homer, like, every two years? He's not this tiny guy. David Eckstein hits five or six homers a year. It seems really odd, right?

Great fact: Boof Bonser changed his name from John in 2001. We're sorry, but we think that means we are all legally required to make fun of him.

Kendall grounds into a fielder's choice, and we're getting kind of obsessed with his inability to homer. Fantastic play by Justin Morneau leads to a double play, and there might not be 10 runs scored in this whole series.

Twins 0, A's 0

Bottom Of The Second Inning

Sometimes we think it might fun to torture ESPN broadcaster Dave O'Brien by yelling, "hey, it's a soccer announcer!" every time he walks into the park. "I can't win, dammit!"

From a Twins fan about Mauer:

You have to understand that Twins fans love Mauer more than anyone ever except maybe Puckett. This is because he is one of us and in Minnesota we don't really have many famous people. He could seriously run for governor here. Everyone loves Joe. His main endorsement deal is with Land O' Lakes milk! He is an icon here because he is so humble and down to earth (at least thats what we are told). Anyways, we basically cheer him to a fault and are so excited that one of our own is doing well on the national stage that we will give him a standing O for adjusting his cup.

We're with you, but, uh, we don't think it's really that impressive that you would elect him governor, considering some of your past decisions on that front.

Twins go down 1-2-3, and we're cooking again. This series is going to be shorter than a Ronan Tynan ditty.

Twins 0, A's 0

Top Of The Second Inning

Weird: Frank Thomas is already getting Pujols treatment: Away, away, away, away. Put four of those "aways" together, and you get a walk. Which is what Thomas does. We're not sure what he's doing en route to second base can be called "walking," though.

Eric Chavez swings at three pitches over his head and seems awfully confused. Perhaps he has the evil braint disease that afflicts Jim Edmonds. Jay Payton breaks his bat on a single to right, and it's a rally! It's becoming clear that Johan Santana and Barry Zito aren't pitching today.

Nick Swisher strikes out. Wasn't Nick Swisher supposed to be great? Because he's not. Marco Scutaro is batting against Boof Bonser, which means it's obviously playoff time. He fouls out to first, and the Twins scutaro out of a jam.

Twins 0, A's 0

Bottom Of The First Inning

We think maybe Luis Castillo is the same size as Ronnie Belliard, but because he wears the No. 1, he looks slightly fitter. We bet if you slapped him a nose tackle number, like 72, he'd be nice and portly-looking. He strikes out to start the Twins' frame.

It's Puntober! Man, that's the best sign we've ever seen. Puntober! Seriously! They totally did that at home, carted it in the car and brought it inside. That's devotion. Puntober!

Hey, Twins fans: Have they been giving Joe Mauer standing ovations every time he comes up for the first time all year? Ya'll are gonna give that guy a big head. He drills a single into center, and we remind you that yesterday, after doing this for seven hours, we completely ran out of verbs. So, expect some repeats of "drills," "doinks," "plunks" and "hammers." Sportswriting is hard.

Michael Cuddyer doinks/plunks a single into center, and the awesome force of Justin Morneau has a chance to hammer/drill the Twins into the lead. But he, instead, just "swings" and flies out to right field, and a Loaiza disaster is avoided.

Twins 0, A's 0

Top Of The First Inning

Hey, Eric Karros is here. So you know, he did not make a bad joke about Erin Andrews.

All right, we had this newfangled way we were going to do the live blog today, but it's obviously not working, and we're not smart enough to figure it out. So we're gonna go back to the old way.

Boof Bonser's on the mound. We're going to do everything in our power not to make any jokes about his unusual nomenclature. He strikes out Jason Kendall to start the game, and he's kind of making a habit out of this.

One-two-three for Bonser. Quick quick quick. We're never gonna get this working right.

Twins 0, A's 0

Pregame: The good news is that there's no Joe Morgan. The bad news
is that you're getting him for both NYC games tonight. He's actually getting a POLICE ESCORT. That's our tax dollers in motion. Homer Hankies out again. Still a Nazi sign in the top of the Metrodome.
Just like yesterday!

Sweet, it's Sutcliffe! Let's get out there with George Clooney and start solving that thing.

So, here we are, preparing for the playoffs to begin. We're taking a deep breath, because we forget just how long October really is. We're about to be very worn out. And this is the beginning of it.

It's the Oakland A's vs the Minnesota Twins. You've seen the predictions, so it's probably time for this thing to just start already.

Your pitching matchup is Johan Santana for the Twins and Barry Zito for the A's.

And your live blog begins after the jump. Play along with us in the comments, and email us if you have anything you want to add. Enjoy.

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Bottom Of The Ninth

So we're really just blown away that we're about to do a live-blog about a Cardinals playoff game that Chris Berman is broadcasting. We are absolutely asking Gawker Media for a raise ... this is sadistic.

Wow: So Milton Bradley is absolutely going to fucking kill the Metrodome roof later. Michael Cuddyer hit a dopey flyball to right field, but Bradley never saw the ball. It landed in for a triple. Justin Morneau does Bradley a favor by hitting a ridiculous line drive right at him; one out, Cuddyer does not score.

That second homer for Thomas looks nice right now: Hunter just grounded out to score Cuddyer, but there's two out for ... jesus, is Rondell White up again?

A fly ball to center ... that's it! Pretty monster win for the A's, beating Santana and taking home-field. A reader who's had the Metrodome right now sends us this report:

"its pretty bad when you're at a playoff game and you want to leave early because your manager has gone brain dead once again when the playoffs start. lets recount his mistakes so far...

- starting nevin over tyner (a "pirahna" that gets on base a lot at the bottom of the order)
- running jesse "I give up first batter hits" crain out there against the hurt but then not trusting him against something call scutaro.
- not moving runners over
- having a guy with no knees try to steal early
- many more

omg the roof still works"

But not enough, friend. Some Billy Beane shit just worked. And now ... half hour until the Cardinals and Berman. Awesome

FINAL: OAKLAND 3, MINNESOTA 2

Top Of The Ninth

Jesse Crain, who runs one hell of a business journal, is in for Santana, whose supposed dominance has been neutralized already.

And then Frank Thomas, who is downright disgusting right now, hits a huge homer deep into left, and now it's 3-1. That was a pretty tough pitch to hit, actually. And Huston Street looks on from the odd Metrodome bullpen.

Joe Morgan always sounds so sad when he says things like, "That's just the way The Game is now." Oooh ... he's about to go on an anti-A's rant! He's attributing their new success — that is to say, the fact that they're "currently winning" — to Ken Macha. If this is 3-1 Twins, it would be because of the terrible fundamentals. But you knew that.

Nick Swisher shows off those fundamentals by drilling a double off the Hefty. That's all for Jesse Crain and his business journal. Reliever Neschek guy gets a strike out, and to the bottom of the ninth we go!

NEWS FLASH, KIDS: The broadcaster for the Cardinals-Padres game is .... CHRIS BERMAN!

How did he even get there from Philadelphia so fast?

Jesus.

A's 3, Twins 1

Bottom Of The Eighth

Jason Bartlett more than makes up for his muffed double play earlier by drilling a double into left field, and here we go. Zito's looking tired, and Justin Duscherscherscherscher is warming up. But we're not ready for that now. Why? Because it's PUNTOBER!

Ooh: Bartlett was just about picked off second base, which would have been an even worse error than his actual error. Wethinks Mr. Bartlett is kind of nervous about this playoff business. Luis Castillo picks a bad time to not reach base, grounding out to third and not moving the runner over. One out.

Ha. Bartlett just almost made another stupid running mistake, inexplicably stopping in between second and third on a grounder to second. He's going to wet himself any second.

Joe Mauer flies to left, and it's still a one-run game. That's probably it for Zito too. He doesn't have that dumb blonde streak in his hair anymore, does he?

A's 2, Twins 1

Top Of The Eighth

Jason Kendall is so slow. One out. You know, we'd like to take a moment to admire Joe Morgan's restraint in not mentioning Billy Beane yet. You know it's just killing him.

Nick Punto just made our first highlight film play, jumping aginst the wall left-field foul wall and making the catch while getting his spikes caught in a batting practice screen and having about three beers spilled on him. Do you think he'll change his uniform? Or will he just play with the stink of beer on him.

Someone ruins it with a sign that says Puntober. You know, in baseball, every month is Poontober.

A's 2, Twins 1

Bottom Of The Seventh

We haven't commented on the site about this, but we absolutely do not understand these Holiday Inn commercials with Joe Buck. How are these supposed to persuade us to sleep in a Holiday Inn? Joe Buck is actually the least annoying person in those commericals, and it's not even close. Even if the commercials were funny — they're not — we still wouldn't even slightly get the point. Our least favorite is the bizarre one about the guy who wants to touch Buck's throat when he talks. Seriously. That's a hotel commercial.

Zito zips through the first two guys, but then Rondell White gets all crazy on us and hammers a high fastball over the left-field wall, and it's 2-1. No extra innings! Cards at 4!

Phil Nevin, who is making more than $10 million this year and was once almost traded for Ken Griffey Jr., pops out, and it's a one-run game.

A's 2, Twins 1

Top Of The Seventh

To clarify: Earlier we thought that the C in the Twins stood for "Club." The reasoning behind this, which know seems idiotic, was that it was, like, "The Minnesota Twins Baseball Club" or something like that, and it was a holdover from a time when people wore monocles. Obviously, this was very wrong, and we're, well, we're kind of fucking stupid sometimes. Excuse our French.

Frank Thomas singled to right field and just about got thrown out at first base. He was jogging toward the end, because he's old and fat, and it almost cost him, as they say. We wonder if Frank Thomas has ever dived into first. We doubt it.

Jason Bartlett just made an error that could cause all kinds of trouble; Eric Chavez hit an easy double play ball right to him, and he muffed it. Nobody out now, rather than two. A's could absolutely bust this open.

OK, Joe Morgan is awful. He has decided that the fact that Johan Santana patted Bartlett on the back after his error somehow makes him some sort of champion hero or something. We can't quite do the "observation"justice. With one out, Swisher, on a 2-0 pitch, swung and miss on a patented mean-and-nasty changeup that was such a great pitch that Swisher actually started laughing. He gets his revenge by working a walk, and now the bases are loaded for former Brooklyn Cyclone Marco Scutaro.

And he almost does, ripping a line drive to center that's caught by Torii Hunter. If any human other than Frank Thomas were on third base, it's a run. But Frank Thomas is on third base, and he almost got thrown out on a single to right. Bases loaded for Mark Ellis. He falls behind 0-2 but works it back to a full count ... and here we go ... dopey little fly ball to left, it's caught, it's still 2-0.

A's 2, Twins 0

Bottom Of The Sixth

Zito's curveball is so cool. It always looks like a ball to us, even when it's in the strike zone. The chubby Castillo reaches for the third time today with a one-out single. The crowd wakes up. We still remember, when we lived in St. Louis, when the Twins were offering season tickets for $98. For $98, it almost seemed worthwhile to get the tickets but still live in St. Louis.

Joe Mauer, with two outs, shows bunt but misses the pitch. We know that Mauer is supposedly dating some model or something, but we never understand how baseball players "date" anyone. What, she's hanging around Minneapolis? She's waiting for him to call from road trips? Doubt it. For six months out of the year, baseball players, single and married, are dating no one and they are dating no one. Everyone is aware of this, yes?

Mauer walks, and the tying run is at first with two out. Michael Cuddyer, if that's his REAL NAME, grounds to short to end the inning, and it's 2:33 and we're in the seventh inning.

A's 2, Twins 0

Top Of The Sixth

This just in: The "C" stands for cities: Twin Cities. Good to know!

You know, at this rate, we're actually going to have time to use the bathroom between games. Which is nice. Because that's important.

A reader writes in about Rondell White and Phil Nevin:

"Lest your commenters question the venerable Ron Gardenhire's managing, Phil Nevin and Rondell White have good track records against Zito—clearly the best of any on the Twins' roster. Zito has an excellent history against the current Twins' lineup. I was worried about the matchup before, and now I'm afraid that we have no hope as long as Zito is in this game.

Nevin is 5/17 with 3HR's
White is 5/14."

Oh ... so THAT'S why they're on the team.

Jason Kendall flies out to center for the first out. Mark Kotsay is about to strike out for the third time today ... nope! He actually singles, first guy in 11 to reach.

Hey, look, Erin Andrews is here! Hi, Erin! This game has so quickly that she hasn't had time to do any "reporting." And then Milton Bradley grounds into a double-play, and she doesn't even get to finish her sentence. We're really paying any attention anyway. Human interest thing .... I was talking to so-and-so before the game ... the key is the ... sorry, we blacked out again.

A's 2, Twins 0

Bottom Of The Fifth

It's Ken Macha's turn to talk to Miller and Morgan. He looks like a muppet. Though sometimes we think all older men look like muppets. We might have some issues there.

Justin Morneau hits the ball the hardest that any Twin has hit it today, but Mark Kotsay makes a running catch in deep center for the first out. Toriiiiiiiiii Hunter had a much better year than we thought he did. To think we used to confuse him with Jacque Jones. He pops out to center, and there's two down, and we're realizing that LOTS of A's have idiotic necklaces.

If you had Rondell White in the "who breaks up the no-hitter pool?" well, you win. And you have extremely silly pools. It's a double to right, and here's Phil Nevin, who is the DH because putting him in the field is just being mean. This is his first postseason game. We think he's more a factor in that than simple luck.

Hey, look, he popped out. Home run in an elevator shaft!

A's 2, Twins 0

Top Of The Fifth

You realize it's only 2:10, right? We're already almost halfway through. This is like a Greg Maddux game. Santana gets Swisher to pop out, and Scutaro to ground back to him, and we think he might have done it with one pitch.

Little help from anyone who knows (and we're sure someone does): Is the "C" in the Twins hat supposed to stand for "Club?" Because that's dumb.

Groundout. Five pitches. Ten in a row down for Santana. There should almost be a discount for fans.

A's 2, Twins 0

Bottom Of The Fourth

Luis Castillo earns his second walk of the game and is bunted to second by Nick Punto, who idiotically dives into first base. (Something we agree with Joe Morgan on!)

At this point we should probably mention that Zito is throwing a no-hitter. Jay Mariotti would probably think we personally jinxed him there.

Joe Mauer keeps the no-hitter going by grounding out to second. Michael Cuddyer, who has a profoundly stupid name and somewhat less stupid but still stupid face, pops a flyball to left, and that's all. Zito has thrown more balls than strikes and still has a no-hitter. We love the Twins.

A's 2, Twins 0

Top Of The Fourth

Frank Thomas just misses his second homer: He curved it just foul. Frank Thomas is still pretty big. Does he still have that stupid earring? Anyway, he flies to right for the first out.

Santana then strikes another guy out, and then the inning's over in seven pitches, and we didn't even have time to write more than this because this is the most number of words we can type in seven pitches.

A's 2, Twins 0

Bottom Of The Third

Morgan and Miller are interviewing Twins manager Ron Gardenhire in the dugout. We cannot imagine how much managers must hate this. It has to be their least favorite part of having games on ESPN, along with "having to listen to Berman make rhymes about my name for an hour." Gardenhire is much more polite about this than we might be. Can you imagine them doing this to Bobby Knight? Fly out by Rondell White, who is still alive.

Wait ... the Twins start Phil Nevin? We will confess that we did not know this. This is the playoffs, correct? Phil Nevin, right? Starting.

Twins shortstop Jason Bartlett has the 90210 sideburns, which is kind of sweet, really. He flies out to center, and this game is flying by. More time for Cardinals baseball!

A's 2, Twins 0

Top Of The Third

Santana just struck out Jason Kendall again. We know Kendall gets on base and everything, but for a guy who has played with Pittsburgh and Oakland, it sure seems like people talk a lot more about him than perhaps he's earned. Is he really good pals with Gammons or something?

Kotsay goes down, so that's now six strikeouts for Santana, which are fascist. Funny stat: Santana's last 21 strikeouts have been swinging strikeouts. We're not sure what that stat means, really, but we're still oddly intrigued by it. And now Milton Bradley grounds out to short, and zip zip zip.

A's 2, Twins 0

Bottom Of The Second

While waiting for this live blog to just UPDATE ALREADY — we swear, we're writing this in real time; the Gawker servers are just taking a lifetime to get things moving. By the time you see this sentence, it'll be Thursday.

And Zito looks awesome, dispatching the Twins with eight pitches.

A's 2, Twins 0

Top Of The Second

We know it has been a year and a half now, but we will never stop finding it amusing that Frank Thomas was beamed in via satellite during the Congressional steroid hearings — featuring Mike Foley, by the way — and no one remembered that he was there. He just sat there, a head on a screen, bored. And he takes out his frustration by pounding a changeup over the left field wall, and we have our first run of the playoffs.

Eric Chavez is wearing a ridiculous green necklace thing; honestly, no athletes have worse fashion sense than baseball players. Probably because so many are white. Anyway, Chavez becomes Santana's third strikeout victim, if you can call such an event worth of "victim" status.

Jay Payton doinks — we would argue that a bat hitting a ball is the only sound in sports than can be conceivably called a "doink" — a single to center field. We can never figure out if Jay Payton is any good or not. Nick Swisher flies out to center field, but then Marco Scutaro — a guy whose presence and name make us so happy that Berman isn't doing this game — drills a double to left field, and holy crap, folks, it's 2-0 A's. And Johan has suddenly forgotten how to pitch. His last home loss was August 2005, ESPN tells us. And there's trouble now.

Mark Ellis strikes out, and look, there are runs!

A's 2, Twins 0

Bottom Of The First

Luis Castillo is a little fatter than we realized. He's not Ronnie Belliard fan, but he's got some oomph on him. And he takes a leadoff walk. And here we go. There is much white cloth being waved in Minneapolis.

Morgan just used the term "manufacture runs." And with that, we remember why sometimes the playoffs drive us nuts. Nick Punto is batting, but his job is mostly to take pitches so Tubby Luis Castillo can get thrown out trying to steal second. Which is exactly what happens. And then he flies out to right.

Joe Mauer, who is from Minneapolis in the same way that Jerome Bettis is from Detroit, grounds out, and it's scoreless. It is without score.

Twins 0, A's 0

Top Of The First

You know, it occurs to us that we don't know a single thing about Johan Santana. We know he plays in Minnesota, and they're not that tabloidy over there, but seriously: We couldn't give you a single piece of biographical information about Santana. His name is Johan. That's the most intriguing thing we can give you.

God. The homer hankies. We hate the homer hankies. By the way, that weird guy a while back who insisted there was a swastika in the roof of the Metrodome? ESPN just showed a shot looking up at the dome, and we think we saw it. Fucking Mel Gibson.

Jason Kendall just swung and missed dramatically, flinging his bat in the air, and there's one down. You're gonna need that, buddy. Mark Kotsay is up next, and he's a guy we've never had a single thought about other than the one we just had. Which is that we'd never had a thought about him. And then he strikes out too. At least he still has the bat.

Speaking of throwing things, it's Milton Bradley! He grounds out to shortstop, and the inning is over. Don't expect four paragraphs every half inning. Lots of baseball today.

Twins 0, A's 0

Pregame

Welcome! This is a tasty pre-Cardinals platter off the HHH dome. It's really quite quaint that the Twins don't have a corporate sponsorship for their dome. That's not the Humphrey estate paying for that, is it?

Your broadcast team: Jon Miller and Joe Morgan. Did you know he's in the Hall of Fame? Well, he is: He's in the Hall of Fame.