Yes, Vikings safety Dwight Smith was cited for sticky icky icky possession after his vehicle was stopped for impeding traffic at a downtown intersection Thursday night. Good news though: He wasn't busy banging some chick in the back seat. He's learning!

The official police report:

Officer saw the listed vehicle impeding the traffic lane in front of the listed business. An air horn was sounded to get the vehicle moving. The vehicle did not clear the traffic lane. Office got out to identify the driver and issue a Citation. Officer smelled the strong odor of Marijuana coming from the vehicle. The driver, Arrested Person 1 (AP-1), admitted he just got done smoking some Marijuana. Citations were issued to AP-1. Evidence was properly inventoried.

Stoned people are awesome.

Vikings Safety Dwight Smith Cited For Small Amount Of Marijuana [TwinCities]
Dwight Smith's Police Report [CelebStoner]
Dwight Smith Has Seen 'Unfaithful' [Deadspin]

That led to Myers allegedly punching his wife outside a Boston bar last night, leading to his arrest on a domestic violence charge. Police showed up after a 911 call and saw severe swelling on the left side of her face — he used his pitching hand — and she said he had punched her. He was arrested on the spot, and he was released on $200 bail ... paid by his wife.

Phillies Ace Arrested In Boston On Domestic Violence Charge [Boston.com]

(UPDATE: Myers has a past as a boxer and is also into karate. Nice.)

"The officers went there to investigate and saw the guy sleeping in a chair in front of the store," Gallagher said. "When they shook him to wake him up, he jumped up and started fighting. They wrestled with him, ended up arresting him and charged him with battery on police, resisting an officer and disturbing the peace. He appeared to have been drinking."

That sounds exactly like my weekend, except I didn't fight any cops and I've never even seen a Winn-Dixie.

I'm giving Verdon the benefit of the doubt on the cop fight—who knows how an officer in Louisiana might treat a gigantic black man passed out in front of a grocery store. But how the man ended up asleep in from of a Winn-Dixie to begin with, I just can't imagine. His weekend must have been better than mine.

Oh, and Saints WR Donte Stallworth had just been arrested the day before and charged with having expired tags on his Bentley and resisting arrest. Building a lot of good will in the community, those Saints.

Another Saint in trouble [Times-Picayune]

Anyway, Pearl's having all kinds of trouble with his Volunteer charges these days. Two of his players were arrested for possessing 15.2 grams of crack cocaine. That's a lot of crack, enough that police could charge them with intent to distribute.

Despite jokes that the crack cocaine could explain Pearl's sweating problem, this isn't inherently Pearl's fault, though it's hard to imagine, say, Dean Smith coaching guys busted for crack. But we're going to enjoy watching him squirm anyway. We won't lie to you: If we could choose an Official Deadspin Villain, it would be Bruce Pearl. And again: We know it's not fair, and we don't care. Hating Bruce Pearl was a notion we understood long before we understood "fairness."

Pearl s 'High Standards' Put Players Futures In Doubt [Nashville City Paper]
Putting The Rock Back In Rocky Top [Taylor Bunts]

It is with a tinge of sadness, but no surprise, that we note Rider's arrest on Thursday in Marin County, Calif., for kidnapping and battery. Bail was set at $2 million. The guy of whom UNLV coach Jerry Tarkanian said was "probably the most talented player I have ever coached," who averaged 29.1 points per game his senior season at UNLV in 1992-93, never had the NBA career most would have predicted. Or maybe he did.

Drafted by the Minnesota Timberwolves in 1993, Rider started his pro career with a bang — by showing up late to his first practice. What followed in six-plus seasons in the NBA was a series of arrests, fines and suspensions. He bounced from the Timberwolves to the Trail Blazers, Hawks and Lakers, leaving in his trouble of every sort imaginable. He was suspended in 1999 for going into the stands during a game with the Golden State Warriors. He was arrested for gambling, for assault, for drugs, you name it. While with the Trail Blazers, he threatened to have a reporter killed. Then he did the same to teammate Dikembe Mutumbo. He was arrested more than once on allegations of rape. By 2001, finally, mercifully, his career was over. It ended almost comically, with Rider a no-show for the first two days of training camp with the Denver Nuggets — getting to the Pepsi Center right behind the Ringling Bros., Barnum & Bailey Circus, which was playing there for the weekend. Yes, he was beaten to practice by elephants.

So yeah, compared to that, Ron Artest is the banker dad from Mary Poppins. And let's hope he stays that way.

Former NBA Player Isaiah Rider Arrested For Kidnapping [San Francisco Chronicle]

Actually, it's not "solicitation," exactly; it's "patronizing a prostitute," which we don't think means saying things like, "No, no, I really think the acting career is gonna turn around for you, really, I do." The district attorney said the term "actually fits the crime even better - it refers to the completed act," and, well, there went our breakfast.

The hooker's name is Jill Russell; despite what that picture might lead you to think, she is not believed to be related to "Felicity" star Keri Russell.

Neagle Reaches Plea In Vice Case [Denver Post]

• "Cabrera is embroiled in an incident ..."
• "Accused of lambasting a patron after an argument ..."
• "Cabrera is accused of becoming physical when Carlos Agreda disembarked his car ..."
• "'I understand that of all the people there I was probably the most recognizable, and maybe that's why I'm being included without having any responsibility whatsoever in said incident.'" (Actual quote from Cabrera.)
• "Agreda said Cabrera ultimately turned his verbal ire toward him."

We've read this story four times, and we still have no idea what happened. How can someone accuse you of lambasting them?

Cabrera Cited In Scuffle [Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel]

Honestly, we can't imagine this would be much of a story — cops said they weren't going to charge either player had they not lied about their names — if it didn't take place in Utah, where people freak out every time a (black) player coughs. The Salt Lake Tribune actually has a story this morning where they talk to various local psychologists to try to determine why, heavens, players might have possibly lied to police officers. Jazz fans are so great. Please trade Ron Artest here.

Two Jazz Rookies Cited [ESPN]
Utah Jazz: Truth, Consequences [Salt Lake Tribune]

It started out as a routine traffic stop along the Tollway in Plano, Texas. "I thought you looked familiar," a policeman tells Irvin on the tape. But it went quickly downhill from there. "I've got some bad news for you," the officer said. "You have some warrants out for your arrest."

Officers had learned that Irvin had a warrant out for his arrest for apparently failing to pay a traffic fine. While searching his car, police allegedly found a drug pipe with a plastic bag containing marijuana residue. The officer made a point of letting his dashboard camera record his find.

There's a slideshow of images, a grainy video and, aw jeez, all kinds of fun, really.

Essentially, on November 7, the Bears had some sort of barbeque where, lo, alcohol was being served. Thing is, though, the barbeque was being held at a firing range, where the team was a guest of the FBI. (Ahem.) Athletes being athletes, after shooting for a while and then some boozing up, offensive linemates Fred Miller and Olin Kreutz got in some sort of tussle. Fortunately for the rest of us (and, specifically, the FBI), they didn't shoot each other; Kreutz picked up a five-pound weight and smacked Miller across the jaw with it, breaking it. (Miller's jaw is wired shut, and he's apparently lost 15 pounds already because he can't eat solid food, like, say, a raw steak.)

And now the FBI is investigating the incident, which sounds like a bigger deal than it is. And Miller's supposed to play next week. And he and Kruetz are buddies again. And all is hunky-dory. Which just begs the question: Did Orton booze it up at all?

Miller-Kreutz Fight Under Investigation [Aurora Beacon-News]

Urbina, who had been investigated for his part in a machete maiming and torture incident, has been formally charged with attempted murder by Venezuelan police. He has insisted that he had little to do with the actual incident, which is a good angle to take. Because we have to say, were we charged with attempted murder anywhere, we'd probably prefer it not be in Venezuela. Even if we were a local hero. Just our preference.

Start Learning How To Spell His First Name [Student Of The Game]
Do Not Steal From Ugueth Urbina. Seriously. [Deadspin]

After four hours, it dawned on the mixed doubles they were going to be drug tested the following week by the athletic department and they decided to call her coach. But before the coach could arrive, the young lady smoked some more crack.

This totally happened to us one time, though instead of "tennis player," insert the word "typist," and instead of "crack," type "Twizzlers."

Blotter [Charleston City Paper]

Now, we're not saying that athletes catch breaks in this regard — particularly Gooden, whose ability to avoid jail time is even impressing O.J. Simpson right now — but when we die, we want to come back as an athlete. We will be able to roam the countryside, pillaging like a freaking madman.

Oh, we're also told that Gooden wore a navy suit with a purple shirt, making sure he met the new, controversial felon dress code set down by David Stern.

The team had its fourth arrest of "the last few years" when freshman linebacker Rey Maualuga was arrested on suspicion of misdemeanor battery after punching a guy during a campus party. Coach Pete Carroll — whom blogger Boi From Troy says has "discipline has his No. 1 weakness" — was demoted to the Trojans' service team. (OK, we don't know what a service team is. Sorry.)

In other people getting arrested news, former Colts/Bears/Steelers quarterback Jim Harbaugh was arrested for drunk driving over the weekend. Thus ends your outpouring of good news for the day.

USC Looking Like Late '90s Miami [Boi From Troy]
Harbaugh Arrested For DUI [Sign On San Diego]

We don't have much to add here, since drunk driving isn't inherently funny and, from all accounts, Droughns didn't have a Bob Huggins-esque meltdown on video, and he doesn't have a history of violence or debauchery. (Which is good, because if he did, and the Browns cut him, Nick Lachey would have to write a long column blasting the team for not supporting him, a la Huggins.) We will say, however, that every time we're in Cleveland, we have an urge to drink too.

Droughns Arrested, Charged With DUI [Cleveland Plain-Dealer]

The best part about this was the rest of the press corps, all gathered around for the press conference. They pretty much just sat there and let Wallace take the whole thing over, watching him pepper Williams with questions while they hungrily eyed the food spread in the corner. Meanwhile, Williams was his usual self; in the Wunderlic-failing world of the NFL, he's a soulful free spirit, though out here in the real world, he'd just be another eight-year grad student who is insistent about the strength of hemp-made rope and keeps lecturing us about Art Bell.

Ricky Williams Returns [CBS News]

The details appear to be that Johnson had been "dating" the woman, and when she popped by the bar, she saw him with another "date." This being 2005, after seeing her, Johnson sent her a text message saying to meet her downstairs, and the tussle occurred then.

We would be more willing to give Johnson the benefit of the doubt here — the woman making the allegations already disputes some parts of the police report — if he didn't have a history of this sort of thing; in December 2003, police said he slapped his girlfriend and threatened her with a handgun. But hey: This time he just sent a threatning text message, rather than a threatening gun. The kid, he's learning.

Chiefs RB Accused Of Assaulting Woman In Bar [KC Star]