Should we be worried about Ray Allen? A long offseason can occasionally mess with an athlete's head and I'm a little concerned that the pressure of a life without basketball has finally gotten to him. Like in a "head into the jungle and become the messianic leader of a violent doomsday cult" sort of way. Maybe Ray Ray needs a hug?

Oh, there was a face painter at his son's birthday party? Well, that still doesn't make it right.

Ray Allen is Officially Bored This Offseason [RedsArmy]

* * * * *

It's Wednesday. You're gonna die.

Cleveland sent a message—even though they don't send messages—by destroying the Celtics in an (almost) completely meaningless regular season clock burner. Boston, playing without Kevin Garnett, will still finish second in the East and still won't have home-court advantage if and when they run into the Cavs in the playoffs. But depending on your interpretation of the 31-point blowout, the defending champs have been humbled by this passing of the torch ... or for the first time all season they have been given a reason to give a crap.

When the Cavs reserves pushed the lead to 30, James, Mo Williams and Delonte West boogied together during a timeout as Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" pumped through the arena. The trio wasn't shy about things as they mugged for TV cameras to the roaring crowd's delight.

At the other end of the floor, the Celtics sat stoically while watching the Cavs' clown around.

"I'm always going to remember that," Ray Allen said. "If I beat a team, as happy as I may be in victory, I'm always going to stay humble and always remember that there's another day. We play each other too much. Those are great motivational thoughts for me."

Allen was also thrown to the floor by Anderson Varejao earlier in the game and responded with a timely elbow to the groin, so you know at least one Celtic is pissed off. LeBron James tried to defuse the situation—even though he was clearly talking trash the whole game—by saying his team wasn't trying to send a message because they already know they're awesome and the NBA is all about respect.

"We're not trying to disrespect any team or show up any team," he said. "We're all professionals. If you take it as disrespectful, then you got to do something about it."

Right. Because nothing says "professional" like backhanded insults and dancing to Rick Astley.

Cavaliers clobber Celtics 107-76 [AP]
Cavaliers ace a late-season test, while frustrated Celtics just get testy after 107-76 blowout [Cleveland Plain Dealer]
Celtics beaten but not bowed [Boston Globe]
Ray Allen's Elbow To The Varejaos [You Tube]

(*Yes, Pearl Harbor was on cable this weekend. Why do you ask?)

It's just like a Whitney Houston song. Only cool. Ray Allen has had a hard few weeks since his jump shot left him for Jason Kapono. There have been tears. There have been regrets. One night, Ray-Ray was so upset he brushed and flossed his teeth only seven times before going to bed, and his early morning finger-tapping sequence — all five, then the middle three, then finally his middle finger — was all out of whack. But now that his jump shot has returned from its little tryst, Ray's Obsessive-compulsive Disorder is back on track...and so is his game. And that sound you just heard was a collective "Hallelujah!" from his coaches and teammates.

Allen scored a playoff-high 29 points on 9-for-15 shooting — including 5-for-6 from over the rainbow — and he hit a Charles-Barkley's-ass-sized shot with a minute to go to fend of a furious Piston rally that had cut a huge Celtic lead to one. And thanks to this blissful reunion, Boston won 106-102 and is now a single game from returning to the NBA Finals for the first time since those halcyon days when shorts were so short that an overly enthusiastic dunk might expose a random testicle. Wow. Didn't know I was going there...

Kevin Garnett had 33 points (his playoff-best for this year) and Kendrick "The Beast" Perkins played like it, going off for career playoff-highs in points (18) and rebounds (16) ... which Detroit coach Flip Saunders to say: "Perkins is eating us up." (Should we change his nickname to "Pacman"? Or is that taken?)

The Celtics' honor roll continued with Rajon Rondo (7 points, 13 assists, 4 steals) and Paul Pierce (13 of his 16 points in the first half, 5 rebounds, 6 assists). And it's a damned good thing that all their starters played so well, considering they got a sum total of 3 points from their bench (including a Super Mario! from Eddie House).

Considering their defense got shelled (51 percent shooting for Boston), and they got gangbanged on the boards (42-25), the Pistons were lucky to even be in the game at the end. But after building a 17-point third-quarter lead, the Celtics pulled out the prevent defense they used in Game 3 with similar effect: Detroit went on a 21-8 fourth quarter run that cut the lead to four with just under five minutes to go. Rodney Stuckey — who hit a big three-pointer to draw the Pistons within one with 1:22 to go — accidentally hit a foul shot he meant to miss (so Detroit could get it back) with about 4 seconds left. You really should have seen the look on his face; it was classic. KG then finished things off with a couple free throws.

Chauncey Billups led the Pistons with 26 points and 6 assists. Rip Hamilton, who strained his right elbow in the closing ticks, had 25 points, 6 assists, and 6 turnovers. And Rasheed Wallace added 18 points and his sixth technical fouls of the postseason (Said 'Sheed: "A lot of those foul calls, cats were flopping and falling all over the floor!").

Game 6 is Friday in Motown.

• Try The Veal. "You can see my knowledge of (Dwyane Wade's) game — we were able to limit him to his season high points of 32." Ladies and gentlemen, Stan Van Gundy. Hedo Turkoglu scored 27 points and Rashard Lewis added 19 as Orlando handed Magic coach Stan Van Gundy's former team, Miami, its Eastern Conference-leading 10th loss. Bitch.

• A Complete Shitfest. The Nuggets mustered a season-low point total (81), shot 35 percent (28 of 79) and committed 18 turnovers against Houston last night. And guess what? They lost. Badly. To make matters worse, Kenyon Martin strained his right knee late in the first half and did not return. He'll be tickled and probed for evaluation in Denver on Sunday. McGrady scored 35 as the Rockets snapped a six-game losing streak.

• Fantasy. In the immortal words of Ol' Dirty Bastard, "Yo! Atlanta, Georgia, are you in the house?" Josh Smith scored 10 of his 16 in the fourth to help the Hawks — CAW! — erase a 21-point deficit against the T-Wolves. Final score: Atlanta 94, Minny 87. Smith added eight rebounds, five assists, five blocks and three steals.

Well, New England, anyway. He recounted the tale of working out at a gym in Cromwell, Connecticut, recently off a free pass from a friend ... and then being kicked out of the place by the owner.

Allen had ended his workout and was sitting down having his customary protein shake when he noticed a man he assumed was the owner - Lou Soteriou - having a back-and-forth with employees. The owner requested a word with Allen shortly afterward.

"I got up and walked back there and when I walked around the corner he was standing there waiting for me with this look of disgust on his face like I stole some money from him," Allen said. "I extended my hand to him to say, `How ya doin'. I'm Ray. Nice to meet you.' And he just had his hand on his hip. He didn't even offer to shake my hand. `Did I do something to offend you?' because I wasn't trying to take any money from him. I didn't take any money from him. So he goes on this rant about who gave you a pass to come in here. So I said, `One of your employees gave me the pass. I'm a guest.' "He said, `Why don't you just buy a membership like everybody else? I have a business here to run. I don't give any free handouts. I have a business to run here.' ... He was yelling at me like I was one of his kids or something, but once he said that he walked out the office, just walked away from me. I said, `I'll never come in your gym again.' He was like, `Don't come back.'"

Amusingly, after all this bad press, the owner of the gym chimed in in the comments this morning, saying, "Contrary to your report, Mr. Allen did not extend his hand to me; and I can assure you, as common courtesy, I would of course shake a person's hand if extended to me." Regardless: Welcome to New England, Ray!

Ray Allen Takes Good With The Bad [Hartford Courant]

(UPDATE: We feel obliged to clarify our point here: EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN BOSTON IS RACIST. Sorry, just wanted to make that clear.)

That said, some thoughts. Because our opinions are worth nothing, which makes them as valuable as everyone else's today.

• We found ourselves surprised that so many in Seattle were against the Ray Allen to the Celtics trade. You've got Kevin Durant for the next so-many years; why have a guy like Allen hanging around? Gotta be good for Allen, too; lots more threesome opportunities in Boston. (Link NSFW)

• We always find the trades on draft night more fun anyway. Zack Randolph to the Knicks? That's a lot more enjoyable to play with than Jared Dudley in Charlotte.

• Honestly, it was mostly just a night for the Pacific Northwest. We'd totally move there if they had a subway.