Actually, there were a few good costumes submitted in this batch and some of you definitely get an A for effort. Some others get a G for "Geez, you're not even trying!" We also have a few costumes from actual professional athletes just to prove that famous people can be just as uncreative and boring as the rest of us.

But hey, we can't all be born with a Hollywood makeup crew at our disposal or the body of a video game character now, can we?

After explicitly ignoring our warning, this fellow decided to go ahead and "salute" the scandal of the year. I'm not sure how wise that was, but one thing is certain...
... anytime you have to put the name of your costume on the front so that people know what the heck it is, you know you've really picked a winner.
Also, it attracts the drunk football gals. [Spotted in Madison, WI. Photos by Andrew B.]
Fortunately, after walking around St. Louis in his Matt Holliday costume for five minutes, Scott S. had enough people throwing baseballs at his crotch that he no longer needed the duct tape.
Who does reader Jonathan G. think he is?
Young Will Gerard of Champaign, Illinois, went as Junior Bruce Weber. Sadly, he died of a brain aneurysm after arguing with a 9-year-old referee over a mini-Snickers.
A different Will G. sent us another Kenny P. Well, he does have a way with the ladies.
I'm not even sure Jason D. meant to submit this as a costume ... unless it's "Kid Who Lives His Whole Life Without Ever Rooting For A Winning Baseball Team." Frightening, indeed.
Adam says his "friend brie is a dead nba ref that's what she gets for fixing game." If you say so. A kneecapping would have sufficed.
Janna S. turned herself into a USC Song Girl then turned that into a zombie. That's the sickest costume I've seen yet. For shame!
Lilia B. also went with the zombie cheerleader theme. She claims she's a Texas fan going as a bloody Okie State backer. That's great, but maybe she should use a napkin when eating french fries.
Andy F. is disqualified for submitting a picture from two years ago and labeling it "me as third-string Neckbeard Orton, with Pat Foley." Oh, Andy. Matt Foley was the motivational speaker played by Chris Farley, who also played Todd O'Connor on "Bill Swerski's Superfans." That looks more like Pat Arnold (played by Mike Myers) ... unless that's actual Blackhawks play-by-play announcer Pat Foley under that get up. In that case, bravo.
"A friend of friend" of Jamie B. dressed as Theo Fleury. Gee, and I wonder why childhood sexual abuse isn't a more popular costume?
Alex Q. is the reason we now have instant replay during apple bobbing contests.
That's supposed to be the real Antoine Walker in Miami Beach dressed as "a guy who can't afford a Halloween costume because he gambled away $50 million." Pretty convincing actually. [Photo sent by Javier F.]
What are these Utah Jazz players supposed to be? Oh, I get it! The Clippers! Very scary. [More photos @ SLC Dunk]
Chicago Blackhawks Jonathan Toews and Adam Burish started the weekend as Dumb and Dumber.... [Not Qualified To Comment]
... then their costumes got really stupid. Actually, that's Burish on the left and Patrick Kane as Scottie Pippen. (No, it's not technically blackface, but if you can't see why white people painting their skin black as part of a joke is problematic, then I can't help you.) [Chicago Now]
Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian ran into their doppelgangers—a slutty cat suit girl and a rejected Muppet. [Friends of the Program; Don't ask me why the faces are painted.]
Yep. Pretty sure that's NOT a costume. [Photo sent by Erinn C. Seen in Ybor City, Tampa]
Finally, the winner of our Sports-O-Ween "contest" is our own FatNakedMoleRat. Anybody who not only recognizes their resemblance to King Hippo, but embraces it, deserves a medal in our book. Bravo, sir.

•People Magazine is reporting that Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian are getting back together. Sources say Bush took a look at Lamar Odom, and realized he could do a lot worse.

•Despite our collective desire to will some playoff races into existence, the actual results are not cooperating. The Braves finally lost, and the Tigers salvaged a doubleheader split. That means your entertainment options this week are preseason NHL, the WNBA Finals, and killing yourself.

•Felix Jones will miss at least next week's game with a sprained knee ligament, which should mean the Cowboys will have to throw a lot more. That sound you just heard was Champ Bailey getting hard.

•With the local papers not even bothering to send writers on every road trip, the Los Angeles Kings sign away the Daily News beat writer to cover the team for their official web site. This is just how China covers its hockey teams. I think.

•Rams LB David Vobora will be suspended after testing positive for PEDs. And will you hear about it anywhere else? No. That's because the truth is no one cares about steroids in sports except for crusty old baseball writers and the French when an American is winning their race.

•A Brooklyn kennel is offering a season pass for football fans who want to drop their dogs off on Sundays to watch the games. Well, most games. When the Raiders are playing, they give you the option of watching a dog take a shit for three hours in lieu of watching JaMarcus Russell.

•Chad Pennington in January: "That's kind of the secret to being a comeback player — you have a good year, you get the award, then you get hurt... and then come back the following year and get the award again."

•Ben Roethlisberger was pulled out of practice after his lineman rolled up on the back of his leg. If it turns out to be a serious injury, I fully expect to see the Boston papers claiming this season shouldn't really count. Right, guys?

•Another day, another world record for Usain Bolt, this time in the 200m. Honestly, if we doubt all outlandish baseball numbers, and that's in a sport where strength is only a small part of the skill set needed to succeed, why do we get excited over track records?

•Documents on FSU's cheating scandal will be made public after a judge's ruling that will "rip the heart out of the NCAA." The NAIA is waiting to swoop in and eat their heart, thereby gaining all their power.

•A Vick goes back to jail for a probation violation, but it's Marcus Vick, so you won't see teams eagerly awaiting his release. Which is a shame, because it's only a 20-day sentence, so he'll be sprung in time for opening night.

•Because no UFC heavyweight champ has every defended their title more than twice (seriously), you might want to tune in for Brock Lesnar's first defense against Shane Carwin.

•If you subscribe to the Jessica Simpson theory of a certain type of woman ruining a player's productivity, you might want to stay away from Reggie Bush this year. Apparently he's back with Kim Kardashian.

•After Gary Sheffield was denied a contract extention, he demanded his release and was benched last night. The Mets said they won't cut him, but if they really want to punish him, they ought to give him that extention.

•And here's why mascots should be banned:

Kardashian's rep told Us Magazine that the couple split up in a mutual decision.

"Nobody cheated," a source close to the couple says.

Cheated? I don't recall ever asking about someone cheating. What are you hiding, Kim? Apart from two giant scoops of coffee ice cream down the back of your dress? No word yet on whether or not Bush will retain any kind of visitation rights to Kardashian's army-engineered levee of lovin'. But he'll have more than enough time to ruminate over what went wrong as Pierre Thomas gets 25 carries a game this upcoming season.

I'm going to be honest here. I find Kardashian unreasonably appealing. And I find the fact that she's clearly a self-centered, utterly vacuous human being even more of a turn-on. If you're married like me, and a tramp like Kardashian shows up on the TV, your wife will invariably turn to you and say, "Oh my God! What a skank!" And you'll nod in agreement and feign a look of consternation. But the whole appeal of Kim Kardashian is her inherent skankiness. She's perfected uppity skankiness on a level I find rather impressive. Even if she does need Photoshop to take gravity away from all her photo stills. The fact that she got plowed on camera by Ray J and then leaked it publicly only ENHANCES the guilty pleasure of it all.

So wish these two kids good luck as they arrive at the mutual decision to go start banging the shit out of other people. I wonder if Kim is broken up about this whole thing. Let's check her Twitter feed.

Gym time! Whose coming with me? about 8 hours ago from web

Nope. That ass is now open for business.

Ah, no reflection! (Crosses fingers). As Photoshop Disasters points out, Mr. Bush seems to be a vampire. Ms. Kardashian turned up on Jorge Sedano's 790 The Ticket radio show in Miami recently, and while she didn't address this photo specifically, she did say that she "loved the pictures," and that she expects Bush's Saints' teammates to "tape them to his locker" very soon.

But Kardashian did address other photos of her, sans Reggie, which appeared in Complex Magazine recently, in which someone Photoshopped the living daylights out of her thighs.

"Um, I mean I am definitely a fan of airbrush, but as far as your everyday stuff I don't think, you know, that anyone should do it now. There are all these programs you can do and I see my friends taking pictures and fixing their noses and fixing stuff before sending a picture out. But I think that it's really unrealistic and that's why I posted it on my site first. Just to say, you know what? I'm not perfect, I have a little bit of cellulite and who cares?"

She also addresses the "controversy" on her blog:

So what: I have a little cellulite. What curvy girl doesn't!? How many people do you think are photoshopped? It happens all the time! At the same time as this Complex shoot, I was gearing up for my fitness DVD and you should see my thighs now!!! Haha! This all motivates me to stay in the gym because my goal this year has been to get in better shape and tone up! Hard work pays off!

Animal New York, however, reports that the unretouched photo that originally appeared on the Complex site was quickly replaced with the Photoshopped version, and then even that was taken down. Oh, and that report that Kim and Reggie were making it rain at a party at Miami's Fountainbleu Hotel on March 14? She says she wasn't even there.

"I don't know. I wasn't there … it was my sisters and Reggie, they were in Miami and I was at home in bed with the flu. I have no idea what they were doing, I think they were definitely having a good time and partying and Reggie's birthday was the next day. That's not really Reggie's personality but that sounds like Khloe's personality."

Multiple sources seem to dispute this, however. And Reggie's birthday is March 2, not March 15, so maybe she's talking about a different incident? Sheesh. Thanks for reading all of this. Let us never speak of Kim Kardashian again.

GQ: Kim Kardashian's Bloke Is A Vampire [PsD]
The Saint And The Sinner [GQ]
Kim Kardashian Is Proud Of Her Thighs So Stop Vomiting [AnimalNewYork]
Kim Kardashian Talks About Reggie Bush And Making It Rain [Sports Radio Interviews.com]
Complex Covers Up Cover Girl Kim Kardashian [AnimalNewYork]
Yes, I Am Complex [Kim Kardashian Blog]
No Stopping Kim [New York Post]

This isn't surprising. Schlereth exposed a truth that's been glaringly obvious to most people who watch football: Bush is the second coming of Tecmo-era Eric Metcalf, but is still considered an elite "running back" for being a high draft pick and his pseudo-celebrity status from dating Kim Kardashian. His sprained knee came into play last night as he avoided contact, ran out of bounds, cost his team three yards and then spent the rest of the night with his arms folded on the sidelines. Hey, he tried.

But Schlereth — who's suddenly become default tell-it-like-it-is-guy on NFL Live — glowered when Neil Everett pressed him about why Bush was a non-factor last night: "Reggie Bush is not a good football player." He can't block. He can't get tough yards. He's a glorified punt returner, etc.

The problem is — Reggie Bush is a star for ESPN. So is his girlfriend. But Bush is also productive on the field, so there's plenty of reasons to put him on the air. ( Like it or not, Bush has more than 1,100 all purpose yards, 9 touchdowns this season. ) So it's a little odd that Schlereth unloaded on Bush so mercilessly last night after Bush went out with another knee injury. Here's an opinion: Schlereth's a former player — a tough one— and being forced to talk about Bush because he makes more compelling television isn't ever going to go over well. Unless Reggie Bush plays like Adrian Peterson (or even Pierre Thomas) for the rest of his career, he'll never get any respect on ESPN NFL Live segments as a football player. So to sum up: Reggie Bush: Not a good football player; great hamster caretaker.

"Both of those kicks are supposed to be out of bounds," Childress said, "and when you say to somebody kick the ball out of bounds, that's what you expect to happen. That's what I expect to happen with a professional football kicker."

Asked if Kluwe cannot handle directional punting, Childress shot back, "You know what? If he can't do that, I'll find someone that can kick the ball out of bounds."

Chris Kluwe responded to Childress' comments: "Obviously, I'd love to be able to do it whenever they like, but sometimes it doesn't work out like you want it to." Obviously.

Kluwe signed a huge contract with the Vikings in the off-season making him one of the 10 highest paid punters in the league. But if his job as a punter is no longer secure, Kluwe does have other skills to fall back on. According to his Wikipedia page, Kluwe is "an ex World of Warcraft player. He used to play a level 70 Rogue on the Kil'Jaeden server. He is currently a member of The Flying Hellfish Guild, and now plays with them in the game Age of Conan on the Tyranny Server."

So he's got that going for him.

Childress: If Kluwe can't do it, "I'll find someone to kick the ball out of bounds." [Twin Cities] (via Real GM)

• Life is...Too Short:: Saints running back Reggie Bush takes some time out of his busy day of working out and Kardashianing to kick back at Vegas club Rehab with rapper Too Short. Big Daddy Kane and DJ Quik were probably out rollin' in their 6-4's or something. [NFL Juiced]

• Yeah, Ripken, you suck: Or so says Real Clear Sports, who listed Ironman Cal as #10 on its "Top 10 Worst MLB All-Stars" listicle. An ignominious list if ever there was one featuring the likes of Cesar Itzuris, Freddie Patek and others. Sadly, no Tyler Green. [Real Clear Sports]

• Tiger Woods' niece is also pretty good at this golfing thing: Meet Cheyenne Woods, niece of Tiger. She not only shares her uncle's facial features, but also his golfing ability. Cheyenne has so far in her short career won the American Junior Golf Association Nike Golf Junior, the Big I Junior Classic and two U.S. Kids Golf World Championships. She'll attend Wake Forest University this fall to study, work on her game, and forge her inevitable path to national Swooshdom. [Sports By Brooks]

The book's case against Bush is built heavily on the testimony of one man, Lloyd Lake, who is at the center of the controversy. Lake, a convicted felon whose past in examined in the book, allegedly provided or arranged for hundreds of thousands of dollars in benefits for Bush and his family, much of which went directly to into the hands the USC football star. Lake goes so far as to claim that Bush was the one lobbying to further the partnership in clear violated of NCAA regulations. He says Bush had to convince him to follow through, urging, "Let's do it," in a face-to-face meeting.

I would suggest picking up a copy just so that you'll have something to read to your kids at bedtime.

YOU: "In February 2005, Bush asked for and was given $13,000 — by Lake — for the purchase of a car, a 1996 black Impala SS."
BOBBY: "Was it a fast car, daddy?"
YOU: "Yes. And Reggie wanted to upgrade the car and received another $4,000 from Lake for a new stereo, tinted windows, and high-performance tires and rims."
BOBBY: "That's called 'pimping,' right, daddy?"
YOU: "Yes."
BOBBY: "Will you read it to me again?"

Coincidentally or not, the Falcons chose the same day to say that they'd like to talk with Pete Carroll about their coaching vacancy. At any rate, it's all a lot more interesting than the BCS title game.

Carroll reportedly has no interest in the Falcons' job. Huh. Can't imagine why not.

First Glance At The Dreaded Bush Book [Los Angeles Times]
AP: Falcons Want To Interview Pete Carroll [USA Today]

Hola, putas. It's once again time for the A.J. Daulerio Deadspin Unraveling with your late Friday afternoon dash of tawdry goodness. As you can tell by the above photo, today we'll be discussing Kim Kardashian and her almost engagement to Subway pitchman and Sheldon Brown tackling dummy, Reggie Bush.

But first, a favorite email from the Oddsmaker experience. This one's from a proud mongoloid mother named Judie from Walnut Grove, California eager to preach the gospel about the fat-tongued heroes we all know and love :

I don't know what to make of your column. I've never read such an unflattering portrayal of people who have Trisomy 21/Down syndrome (not "Down syndrome people") but there's something honest about you. Maybe I saw something of myself in your reluctance to be exposed to children who have Down syndrome (not "Down syndrome children"). Until I had one of my own, that is. Now, 28 years later, I have accepted the fact that the gene for nose-picking must be on the 21st chromosome and I wish that's the worst I'd ever endured with my other so-called "normal" children.

Aw. It's getting dusty in here!

Onto sex tapes. It's still mind-boggling why anyone (especially a woman, semi-famous or not) would ever participate in such an activity if they had no desire for it to some day be viewed by a captive, unzipped audience. For those devoid of any discernible talent, it's an instant career injection. The second biggest? Dating an athlete. The third? Having a backside that could serve as a winter home for woodland creatures. The Kardashian deftly hits the trifecta. If she were to become engaged to Reggie Bush, it would at least give her some meaningful existence. It's much better than only being known as the dead O.J. lawyer's daughter who was backdoor-invaded by a lamprey-shlonged rap star on film.

Surely, there are more Kardashians out there searching for their own Reggie Bush.

So this week, I'm flicking my frenulum, opening a fresh bottle of Hawaiian Tropic, and placing odds on the next sex tape star to nab a professional athlete.

Move your monitors to an obstructed angle before you click this more.

Amy Fisher: 3/1

The lovely Long Island Lolita famous for banging a gorilla mechanic and getting imprisoned after blasting his angry wife in the head is out of prison and ready to cash-in post-clink with her own movie magic, creatively titled "Amy Fisher Uncensored." Now that she's pushing 34, you would have thought Ms. Fisher would be completely beat up, but photos reveal she's actually weathered prison time and the cruel realities of female aging fairly well. No, she's probably not going to get engaged to Reggie Bush, but just because she's lost a little tread on her vulva doesn't mean she still couldn't snag herself some old jock balls. Perhaps Julio Franco?

Jenna Lewis: 2/1

This former Survivor star allegedly leaked her own sex tape in an effort to rewind her 15-minute clock just a little while. It worked, but now that's expired she's aching to get back in public consciousness. She was rumored to have had a thing with fellow Survivor alum and curly-haired soccer knob Ethan Zohn, but she'll have to upgrade there if she's serious about a bounce-back. Unfortunately, soccer stars not named Beckham in America are few and far between. Alexi Lalas should keep his cell phone on all the time just in case. David Hirshey should too.

Carolyn Murphy:

The former SI swimsuit model made headlines a couple years ago when a sultry honeymoon tape of her and her ex-husband began circulating around the web only to be quickly shut down by her lawyers before she could be come a jizz-faced screen-grab icon. Pity. Murphy, now into her 30s and with child-expanded hips, needs something else to save her falling star. She's model pretty, so a young quarterback looking to become the next Tom Brady may want to give her a toss. Tarvaris Jackson needs a trough for his black hog and legitimacy as a number one quarterback, lest he become the next Quincy Carter. This could be mutually beneficial.

Little Timmy Kelly: 1/4

The squeaky voiced singer with mild cerebal palsy and retinopathy brought on by premature birth, was a sporting event staple a couple years ago when he would eek out his stirring rendition of the national anthem to a teary-eyed crowd. Since then, Timmy's life has been hampered by his awkward tween years and the rumors about his various sex tapes. Now, he's more well known more for his impressive analingus ability than his sub-par singing voice and inspirational story. Titles like "Little Timmy's Mexican Splash Down", "Blind Boy Finds the Hole", and "Little Timmy's Rim Job 400" are taking over his life. What could save Little Timmy? Allison Stokke, meet your future husband.

In a promotional photo shoot with Reggie Bush and the New Orleans Saints, David Beckham definitively illustrates, once and for all, the differences between football players and soccer players.

If that's not enough, try this one, after the jump:

Nothing says badass linebacker tackle than a ridiculous blonde dye job. It'll be fun to have Beckham here. Really.

Beckham Plays The Yanks At Their Own Game [UK Daily Mail]

So how did this happen? It's bound to come out sooner or later, so submit your guesses now. Our research shows that it usually involves trying to sneak in an unauthorized friend, as has happened in the past with Luke Wilson, and Johnny Drama.

So, Reggie Bush banned from the Playboy Mansion, and Gary Busey still free to roam the premises. Thanks for your time.

Banned! [New York Daily News, via The Wizard of Odds]
Luke Wilson Got Banned From The Playboy Mansion [The Darkhat]

(UPDATE: A Playboy rep emails us and says Bush hasn't been banned from the Mansion. WHEW!)

Anyway, it looks like they now have Bush on tape accepting a crapload of money and gifts.

According to multiple sources in an ongoing Yahoo! Sports investigation, nearly $280,000 in cash, rent and gifts was allegedly given to Bush and his family. Lake and Michaels both said in August 2006 that they planned to file a lawsuit against Bush. ... If the NCAA rules that Bush received extra benefits during his playing career at USC, he could be ruled retroactively ineligible. Since some of the benefits date to the 2004 season, the Trojans' national championship that season could be rescinded. USC could face further NCAA sanctions and Bush's 2005 Heisman Trophy could be in jeopardy.

This is ultimately more damaging for USC than it is for Bush, who could lose his Heisman Trophy but, uh, kind of has bigger fish to fry right now. Though we think that if they do decide to take away his trophy, it might be funny if they had to chase him for it.

Tale Of The Tapes [Yahoo! Sports]

Turns out, though, there's some pretty damning stuff in there, including actual credit card receipts from potential managers traced back to flights given to Bush's family; the ultimate estimate — if somewhat high, judging from the story — given to Bush and his family is about $100,000. If it's all proven true by the NCAA — and particularly if there's some sort of hazing involved — Bush could lose his Heisman and USC could even lose its national championship.

That's an explosive possibility, though we've never understood the idea of taking away titles retroactively, like they did with Michigan. We know Michigan lost one of its Final Fours, or something similar, but only in some book somewhere; we don't know who took their spot, and since we were watching, they won it in our memory, which is the only thing that really matters in the sports world. USC fans can scare themselves, but it's not real: Even if Reggie Bush received money and they take away hardware and fictional titles, it still all happened, and you still all enjoyed it. Honest.

Cash And Carry [Yahoo Sports]
A Trojan Talks Himself Through It [The Dar Speaketh]

Well, now they're setting their scopes on the sports world, and they're reporting today that Saints rookie running back Reggie Bush might have been involved in a beatdown of maybe-current-girlfriend Nia Long's ex. (Whew. Long identifier.) Last month, a man with Long pounded her ex, Massai Z. Dorsey (whoever the hell that is) right in the middle of a Los Angeles mall. And now TMZ is saying it was Reggie Bush.

Though, after the incessant ESPN Mobile commercials of the last month — still an improvement over the "crazed stalker guy" — maybe Dorsey was just going to draft Larry Johnson.

Could Is Be Nia Long And Reggie Bush? [TMZ]

Details on the deal are not yet available, according to Len Pasquarelli, but it's believed that Reggie's getting considerably more than #3 pick Vince Young, but not quite as much as #1 pick Mario Williams. RealFootball365 reports Bush is getting $300,000 less than Mario Williams.

So everyone in New Orleans can be happy now, except for, you know, all the people still affected by Katrina, and Deuce McAllister. Reggie's expected to show up for training camp sometime today, holding a sign that says "I'm right here, dickhead."

Not surpisingly, Bush and New Orleans avoid ugly holdout [RealFootball365]
Bush agrees to six-year deal with Saints [ESPN.com]
Bush Agrees To 6-Year Deal With Saints [WRAL.com]