Yes, the show that Salisbury once hosted (and also Carmen Electra, Bill Nye and the Sklar brothers) is returning to ESPN this June.

ESPN has made BattleBots an offer: BattleBots will hold a Collegiate BattleBots Championship, featuring robots built by students enrolled in institutions of Higher Education. The Collegiate BattleBots competition will air as a series on ESPNU and ESPN2. This competition will be open to Colleges and Universities, and Student Teams who are enrolled in institutions of Higher Education. This will be a middleweight (120 pound) competition as governed under the current BattleBots rule set — But, BattleBots is allowing an additional 40 pounds to be added as bonus weight, thus making the total weight 160 pounds! So get creative.

That's just mean: That's like firing Stuart Scott and then bringing back "Teammates." We are sorry, Sean.

(But seriously, though: "Battlebots" rules. We can't wait.)

ESPN & BattleBots: Gearing Up For College And Pro Competitions [BattleBots]

We know how that casual fan feels; it seems insane that Salisbury really worked for ESPN for 12 years. And now he's gone, replaced by Cris Carter, who at least will have the decency to keep his cell phone photos to himself.

The ultimate irony about Salisbury's departure is that, deep down, he always knew he wasn't prominent enough of a player to have his role at ESPN either. It seemed to gnaw at him, and drive him.

"I'd grown tired of being punished for not being an NFL superstar. Analysts who don't work as hard as me, don't prepare as hard as me, and don't have my resume were making more than me just because of their ability to throw or catch a football.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciated the opportunity ESPN gave me, but they had capped my ceiling. There was only so far I could go there."

There was always a dopey, jock lunkheadedness to Salisbury that you almost had to enjoy; as Daulerio famously said, the man's the mayor of Miami, and every room he's in. We can't say we'll miss his analysis, exactly, but we will kind of having the doltish chap to bat around every once in a while. We look forward to seeing Salisbury's next move ... and well as Lil' Sean's.

Salisbury Says Parting Ways With ESPN Was Mutual [Los Angeles Times]

By the way, the first final four matchup with be posted Wednesday, the day after Christmas — yes, we're working — and the second final four matchup will be posted on New Years Eve. We're working then too.

No. 3 Seed Pac Man Jones
Introduced the phrase "Make It Rain" to a nation of grateful white people.
Scared his family.
Missed out on watching Vince Young play quarterback this season.
Didn't rassle, darnit.

No. 6 Seed Sean Salisbury
Displayed his photographic skills.
Accidentally said "Jew."
Met The Balls.
Established a Web presence.

So, who makes the Final Four?

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All we know is that we're in love with them both.

No. 6 Seed Sean Salisbury
Displayed his photographic skills.
Accidentally said "Jew."
Met The Balls.
Established a Web presence.

No. 11 Seed Rick Ankiel
Returned.
Amazed.
Inspired.
Absolutely nothing else happened whatsoever, nope.

So, vote, kids.

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The site is called "Sean Big Mouth Salisbury," and Big Sean is throwin' down. As the site puts it: "As Sean so eloquently states on a regular basis, "Nobody puts Baby in the Corner! GO BIG MOUTH OR GO HOME!!!" Totally! The page features a Blair Witch-esque Web cam video of Sean, looking kind of tired but Ready To Talk Some Football!

The video makes us sad, actually, and a little part of us wants to leave him alone. The site is in honor of Salisbury's late father, inspiring Salisbury's "CANCER BLOWS" shirt, and we couldn't agree more: Cancer DOES blow. But Sean's video, uh, probably should have been screened by somebody.

But don't worry: If you think you can't handle all the excitement, you won't have to deal with it for much longer. The site is free for now, but on October 7 — that is to say, Sunday, it's a "premium" site. So you'll be able to pay for the privilege. Get your credit cards ready.

Sean "Big Mouth" Salisbury ["Official" Site]

(UPDATE: The site has been shut down "for administrative reasons." Does this mean the pay site won't be ready by Sunday?)

The SSW. Or, as it's known in longhand, the Sean Salisbury Wisdom. The SSW represents the I Formation I Ching, the consensus of the football punditocracy, the "Let me tell ya something about this here game" obviousness that the Pigskin Pee-Wee Herman and the rest of the phony-tough, kicker-hating, horse-laughing "experts" who conspire to build the consensus of the SSW bark from the teevee 28 hours or so a day during the week.

Only to be proven wrong on Sunday.

See, the best thing about the NFL is its sheer unpredictability, especially for the nation's bookmakers. Things we take for granted in Week 1 are usually rendered absurd by Week 4, because no league adapts and changes so quickly, thanks to injury, overcoaching and the essential mediocrity of most teams.

Think about the number of iterations the Colts went through in the SSW before winning the Super Bowl and earning Peyton Manning the occasional commercial opportunity. There were the opening night questions about the offense when they struggled to beat the Giants, then the 9-0 start when their ass was essentially crowned, then the stretch when seemingly every fullback dive play went for 60 yards against their porous defense, then the playoff run when they were supposed to be sledgehammered by the Chiefs, then the Ravens, then the Pats. Then came the Big Game™, when they would pass the Bears silly. Of course, none of it turned out as the SSW would have it.

The SSW isn't always entirely wrong — it gets thrown the occasional apatosaurus bone like the one Fred and Wilma dine on at the end of the opening credits. Take the Raiders last season—once the initial SSW (Art Shell is a "real Raider" who will install some discipline to Moss, Porter and the rest of the wild bunch) was shown to be fatally flawed on opening night, the SSW corrected to "they suck," which was an understatement, if anything.

So the mission of this season is to track the whiplash of the SSW as the season progresses, and to ensure those triumphant declarations from Friday aren't flushed down the memory hole on Monday. So without further ado...

PREVIOUS SSW

The Colts Super Bowl win was a mirage; their lack of depth on defense and at running back will cause a Super hangover.

NEW SSW

Hey, how come the Colts defenders get to play with jetpacks? Does Manning have an endorsement deal for those too?

PREVIOUS SSW

Sexy Rexy Grossman is the only thing holding back the Bears from another Super Bowl run.

NEW SSW

Maybe they shouldn't have let Thomas Jones go. At least Mike Brown got in his annual quarter and a half before going back on IR.

PREVIOUS SSW

Drew Brees + Reggie Bush > NFC South + Army Corps of Engineers.

NEW SSW

Did The Man blow a hole in the Saints secondary as well as the 17th Street Canal levee?

PREVIOUS SSW

Vince Young is a Madden cover jinx waiting to detonate.

NEW SSW

Just give VY a few live bodies and he'll get you a W.

PREVIOUS SSW

Tony Romo will be spending a long season looking back fondly at the bobbled PAT in the playoffs as a high point in his career.

NEW SSW

Romo seen intently watching MTV Awards in the locker room to scout next celebrity babe conquest

PREVIOUS SSW

Baby Bro Manning likely to come apart under Cyclops-like intense stare of Tiki Barber and the rest of the NYC media.

NEW SSW

Baby Bro Manning likely to come apart under 300 pounds of brute force on his shoulder.

PREVIOUS SSW

The ManGenius will scheme and study and strain and scarf Skittles on his way back to the playoffs.

NEW SSW

Sure could have used Pete Kendall against that Pats front seven. And didn't you ever practice against a guy returning a kick from eight yards deep?

PREVIOUS SSW

Joey Harrington's manage-the-game style ("white guy") of QBing will prove more effective than the wild freestyling style ("black guy") of Michael Vick, at least enough to get the Falcons 7-9 wins.

NEW SSW

Joey's actually worse than Tarvaris Jackson?

PREVIOUS SSW

Donovan McNabb is healthy, Bryan Westbrook is healthy, Jevon Kearse is healthy — look out, NFC.

NEW SSW

Is Vai Sikahema still active?

PREVIOUS SSW

Brett Favre isn't finished by a long shot — now that he has a solid defense behind him, the Pack are a dark horse in the NFC.

NEW SSW

If the solid Packers defense can overcome Brett Favre, the Pack are a dark horse in the NFC.

PREVIOUS SSW

LaDanian Tomlinson is by far the number one fantasy running back.

NEW SSW

LaDanian Tomlinson is by far the number one fantasy quarterback.

PREVIOUS SSW

Brady Quinn will be the starter in Cleveland by the end of the season, ready or not.

NEW SSW

Brady Quinn might petition the league to head back to Notre Dame.

PREVIOUS SSW

Powerful Bengals were unlucky to miss playoffs last season.

NEW SSW

The Bengals are unbelievably lucky to be 1-0.

PREVIOUS SSW

Ken Whisenhunt and Russ Grimm will bring professionalism and an old school pound it out style to the desert.

NEW SSW

Denny Green couldn't coach worth a damn either, but at least he offered comic relief.

PREVIOUS SSW

The 49ers could make the playoffs in a poor conference.

NEW SSW

Patrick Willis can't do it all himself. At least Mike Nolan looks good in that suit.

PREVIOUS SSW

The Patriots combine the best elements of the 1962 Packers, the 1975 Steelers and the 1989 49ers, all in one supposedly humble, team-oriented mass.

NEW SSW

Bob Griese to Nick Buoniconti: "Uh-oh. Our annual celebratory champagne toast/mutual jerk-off session might not happen this year. Don't worry — we can always say that we didn't have to steal signs to go unbeaten."

Yeah, that will definitely do it. When you add in his accidental dropping of "Jew," his protest too much rant and new found Balls friendship, we think he's more than qualified. And that's not even accounting for his trenchant NFL analysis!

But is he a Hall of Famer? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Monday morning.

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Ever wonder what drives crusading field journalist Carl Monday? He didn't just pursue the Mike Cooper library case out of thin air; there had to be an underlying force, some childhood trauma, perhaps, which would cause him in later life to obsess over a perfectly ordinary human function. We wonder what that could have been? What psychologically tumultuous event from his distant memory served to push him toward investigative reporting in a trenchcoat? Hmmm.

Actually our little film appears to be too recent to be depicting Carl Monday, we think. But a young Sean Salisbury is entirely possible.

Caught In The Act [YouTube, via Noob]
The Carl Monday Saga [Deadspin]

In other ESPN staffing news, if you're one of the 15-20 people who actually have ESPNU on your cable systems, you're not gonna have former "Dream Job" host Mike Hall to kick around anymore. He's leaving the network to "explore opportunities" in Chicago; maybe he can take Salisbury's spot! Because we never watched "Dream Job" or ESPNU, we're not sure who Mike Hall is, but we wish him good luck anyway.

Sean Salisbury Removed From ESPN Radio Morning Show In Chicago [Sports By Brooks]
Anchor Quits ESPNU In Search Of His Dream Job [Awful Announcing]

This is good news, because we were beginning to wonder if Salisbury had been a successful quarterback at any level. (OK, so he won a Grey Cup. Woo!) Of course, as The Fanhouse points out, it might not be the most altruistic number-retiring ceremony of all time.

He's auctioning off two spots in his annual Sean Salisbury Golf Classic. The proceeds from the auction will go to his former high school's athletic department.

Yes, we see. By the way, if you would like an autographed Salisbury jock strap, just ask him. He's got a few in his pocket.

Sean Salisbury To Have His High School Jersey Retired [The Fanhouse]

Deadspin "correspondent" AJ Daulerio is filing dispatches from the Super Bowl all week. Last night, he hit the motherlode. This is the first of his three tales from a crazed night in which, as this picture clearly shows, he sneaked into the right media party.

No, I did not ask him to take a picture of his junk on his cellphone. No, I did not ask him about "Jew". I was just in awe. Stunned, really, at how many women Salisbury attracts. From dumpy chicks with glasses, to 6-foot model-y types: they all swarmed him. Salisbury was not without female accompaniment for less than 10 seconds at a private party at the Clevelander. Most of the time, they would hug him. "He's soooo tall!" they'd say to each other. Most of the women have probably never watched "NFL Live" before. Or even known about his less than spectacular quarterbacking career. They just knew he was something.

He shook plenty of people's hands. He stirred his vodka tonic — with three limes on a napkin — and he made small talk when necessary. And when he agreed to take a picture with a smiling couple, adoring busboys, giraffe beav, he just requested one thing, as he sternly called over my lawyer Lt. Winslow after he snapped a quick photo of Salisbury getting his picture taken:

"I don't want it ending up on the internet."

(more after the jump)

The Clevelander is a cheesy Margitavilleish type club downstairs, and its upstairs, "VIP" section is about the size of a modest New York City apartment, wall-to-wall white, and held a "private" party last night with, oh, 35 people. Michael Irvin huddled in the corner with a bodyguard who was a Big Black doppelganger. Stuart Scott, dressed in his best fratty tan and white stripey, chatted up the few people who would come up to him and "Boo-yaaaa" and then awkwardly shook their hand. Bears defensive end Alex Brown drank Cranberry and vodka and even did the kamikaze shots that were bought for him by some very excited Bears fans.

But Salisbury held court. Salisbury is the mayor. Salisbury is the real balls.

He is a tall guy, and he's got that swagger. It's not a young guy swagger. It's that former athlete, gym teacher, asshole-type machismo. He makes wry smiles at the women who approach him and will let the ESPN fanboys come up to him, but he looks them in the eye and he makes sure that they're legit and not trying to do anything crazy, or gay, or just out and out annoy him. He gives a two second Eastwood wince to every single guy that comes up to him in that way because, tonight, guys, it's for the ladies — but he'll shake your hand, accept the accolades about how "great a job" he does at ESPN.

But if you don't have boobs, it's gonna be a brief chat.

But he was paranoid about pictures (why???) and made sure every person that wanted their photo taken with him seemed to have good intentions. I was a little paranoid about approaching him with Winslow since Salisbury had already scolded him — and the bouncers were already doing us a favor, so it wouldn't be wise to cause any annoyance and risk getting tossed. So we took the Deadspin camera and handed off to another person who agreed to get the photo with Salisbury. I walked up behind him and politely asked for a picture with him. He gave me the Eastwood, but I had the perfect trump card.

"It's for my fiancee. She would kill me if I didn't get a photo with you."

He couldn't turn that down.

He gave me the smile. He put his arm around me and waited for the photo. I jutted out the mustache has much as far as I could and waited for the flash.

"No internet", he repeated again after it was over, and we pounded fists and I walked away and he went back to the bar, to the next woman in line, and spent the rest of the night just being Salisbury and constantly checking his phone to see where he'd end up next.

Oh, there is more to this evening, which shall be shared later — Irvin's suit, Alex Brown's explanation of his Miami fistfight, and, most stunning, Stuart Scott's text message booty call.

Come back. It'll be great.

Mainly, Salisbury is saying that he clearly said "chew" and nothing close to "Jew," which, if you've listened to the audio, seems specious at best. (Don Imus played the clip on his radio show this morning and said what any reasonable person would think, that he said "Jew." And Don Imus knows everything!) The thing is, once we listened to the tape, we were rather far from convinced that it was some sort of anti-Semetic rant; to us, it just sounds like a verbal slip, a guy talking live on television who got stuck between two words and said the one in the middle. So we'd all be willing to let it die, but Salisbury just won't allow it, hollering to anyone who will listen — not many people, mind you — that he never, ever said "Jew." (This interview in the Chicago Tribune probably isn't helping.) The wise thing here would be to simply say "hey, I'm on live television, and it's hard, and sometimes I talk too fast, and the word 'Jew' came out when I was clearly trying to say something else." Or, you know, just let it die. We had let it go, simply putting out the audio and letting everyone decide for themselves. But the more Salisbury screams "I never said 'Jew," the more we fear he's starting to protest too much.

In other words ... maybe it's time to sit a few plays out, big guy. We don't think most people believe you hate Jews. The best way to make sure that stays the case is probably to stop mentioning it for a while. If you stop, we'll stop. Deal?

Salisbury Denies he Used Slur [New York Post]
The Salisbury Audio: Decide For Yourself [Deadspin]
His Side [Chicago Tribune]

(You can find Salisbury's audio rant about this right here.)

You know what many people say they heard, and you've heard ESPN's official response. Well, now you can decide for yourself: Pro Football Talk has audio of Salisbury's "analysis" on NFL Live.

So listen for yourself, and make your own decision.

Salisbury Audio File [Pro Football Talk]

Describing Peyton Manning's calmness in the second half:

"No need to panic. We'll nip. We'll tuck. We'll go. We'll crunch. We'll Jew. We'll do it all and they nickel and dimed them and Peyton made the play when it mattered."

If a clip shows that Salisbury didn't make the comment — and it still seems awfully unlikely to us, frankly — we'll be ecstatic to point everyone in that direction. But it's all over the Web right now, and we felt the best way to handle it was to solicit a clip. So, this is that solicitation.

Something To Think About While Watching Sean Salisbury [Deadspin]

(UPDATE: Michael Rand over at Randball gets calls returned from ESPN, and they've released a statement on this.

Their official statement is that Salisbury said "Chew," not "Jew." That sounds potentially reasonable ... but we still have no video.)

Sean Salisbury took a picture of his penis with his cellphone, and then showed it to women around his office. We feel we could say this a thousand times, and it really wouldn't be enough.

By the way, from Sean Salisbury Online, on the "NFL Women's Page:"

Women enjoy playing all types of sports and enjoy being fans of many sports that they may never have played; such as football. Research shows that women would enjoy football games even more if they knew more about the rules and nuances of the game.

You know what else they like? Cellphone pictures of Lil' Sean. Obviously.

Something To Think About While Watching Sean Salisbury [Deadspin]

(By the way, it's not just The Big Lead who has this anymore; we've confirmed it ourselves, and Mike Freeman from CBS Sportsline — a noted Bristol basher — has written of it as well. It happened. We must now adjust to our new reality.)

We don't mean to harp on this, but, seriously, Harold Reynolds has to be feeling pretty good about his lawsuit against ESPN right now. Rumors have always floated around that Reynolds had a tendency to get a little handsy — though not any more than Mike Tirico and some others — but he was officially/unofficially fired for an "inappropriate hug" of an intern at a Boston Market. Inappropriate hug? Sean Salisbury took a picture of Lil' Sean and showed it around the office! Expect that to show up in the next Reynolds lawyer's filing. Well, a mention of it: Hopefully not the actual picture.

If Sean Salisbury Asks You To Look At His Phone, Don't Do It [Deadspin]
SeanSalisbury.com [Official Site]
Sean Salisbury's Penis Pump [Joe Sports Fan]

(Note To Inside-ESPN Tipsters: We have always appreciated your kind forwards in the past; after all, you did alert us to the underground. But if you have this photo, please do not send it to us. We will not run it, and we really don't want to see it. We thank you in advance.)

The NFL analyst who shall not be named that took a picture of his penis with a cell phone camera and has shown it to numerous, uncomfortable women, then was suspended by his network for it. Absolute true story. Please make sure to clean off the mirror when you are done with it.

First of all, you can relax, because I don't have the photo. Also, thank God it was Salisbury and not Berman, because those "You're With Me, Leather" t-shirts might have had to look completely different. And I doubt that they'd have sold very well.

I'm also wondering what Harold Reynolds could have done that was much worse than this. What did Reynolds do, run around showing people pictures of Peter Gammons' junk?

TBL Investigation: That was Easy. We Found that Perverted NFL Analyst That Was Suspended [The Big Lead]
Guess the Suspended, Perverted NFL Analyst [The Big Lead]
Pro Football Talk Rumor Mill [ProFootballTalk.com]
Take a look at this year's All-Selfish team [CBS Sportsline]

We don't mean to be snobs here, but, if this video is to be believed, there are human beings on the planet who are listening to Sean Salisbury talk about his investment strategies.

It's Salibury against the Jets' Jonathan Vilma and — of course — the Giants' Michael Strahan. Watching the video, and Salisbury try to talk about "measured investing," inspires a reaction similar to what one must feel watching a chicken attempt to type.

All-Star Bowl [SmartMoney]

Dear Josh,

I like this website because it s a website. It goes out day after day and just does the things that web sites do. When it s online, it s online. It s probably one of the best websites in the National Football League. The way you just grind out columns week after week, going hat on hat with some of the big issues shows how you can just flat out execute. Keep up the good work.

-Mark Schlereth

Other cards from Stephen A. Smith, Stuart Scott, Sean Salisbury and even Steve Phillips. We're still waiting for ours to arrive.

Holiday Wishes From ESPN [Joe Sports Fan]

Sean Salisbury says good morning! This day's gonna be great!

Sean Salisbury Online [Official Site]

Sean Salisbury Online [Official Site]