•Not only do SEC replay booths not use HD screens, but they say it's not worth making the switch. Also, that play where Patrick Peterson clearly stayed in bounds? They accidentally DVR'd The Mentalist over it.

•Want to know what makes Sidney Crosby so good? Evgeni Malkin. In the sixth game without the real MVP in the lineup, Sid The Kid extended his point-less streak to five games, and the Pens fell to Boston.

•A four-minute replay review overturned Brad Miller's buzzer-almost-beater, and Denver hung on to top Chicago. Imagine that! The length of the game was extended in order to make the right call, and no one's calling for David Stern's head! You listening, Selig? Of course you're not. You fell asleep halfway through Leno.

•What's Larry Johnson worth? Not moving to the bottom of the waiver wire. No one claimed the, um, expressive RB, and he's free to sign anywhere. Except with the Chiefs. My sources tell me they have no plans of signing him.

•If Mauer, Jeter and Teixeira were hoping their defense would set them apart in the MVP race, well...all three won Gold Gloves. Also, Placido Polanco emerges as a dark horse candidate.

•A judge has blocked North Dakota from changing their nickname from the Fighting Sioux. In these trying times, with two wars being fought, it's just insensitive to name a team the Fighting anythings.

•The Tribune's Rick Morrissey said Joakim Noah would never be a useful player, and promised to eat the column if he was proven wrong. Well...

Okay, maybe they aren't all SEC fans, but this kind of passion does seems to run a little deeper below the Mason-Dixon, doesn't it? This is "Ricky." He is angry. Fortunately, he has a steel chair handy so he can smash things when necessary. When he threatens to drive to Atlanta and shoot a referee in the head over a personal foul penalty—after he fucks the ref's mother, of course—I sort of believe he might do it. Oh, and there's the n-word! Racism, misogyny, and broken furniture? I think that covers everything.

I hate to imagine what would have happened if the Crimson Tide had actually lost this game. Maybe Ricky should not be allowed to watch football anymore. Even though he always dresses nattily for the occasion, I think he has some deeper issues to work out first.

Ricky's Rant [YouTube]
Ricky Is Excited About Alabama Football [EDSBS]

We all know that you can't disseminate anything without the express written consent of Major League Baseball, but the Southeastern Conference's new fan policy seems to suggest that any attempt by people inside the stadium to let people outside the stadium know what's going on would be against the rules. No Twittering. No Facebook photos. No YouTubes. Nothing. If your friend wants to know the score, he can read the paper the next day.

A conference spokesperson explains that the goal is "to keep as many eyeballs as possible on ESPN and CBS," because why would I actually watch a football game on TV when I can read about it from 90,000 morons on Twitter? ("ZOMG. Tebow jst jumped passd again! Lol!") The idea that grainy online videos from the third deck are competition for ESPN broadcasts is ludicrous, of course, and no one is actually going to be roaming the stands snatching cellphones from Twitter users. (I hope.) But the SEC is so paranoid that their "brand" will be diluted by some futuristic technology they don't understand, that they're drawing the line right now. You want a ticket, you play by our rules—rules that we might decide to change at any moment. If this makes conference officials seem old and out of touch, that's because they are.

However, I will gladly surrender any and all free speech rights given to me by the First Amendment if it will make SEC fans stop talking about football.

For SEC, tech-savvy fans might be biggest threats to media exclusivity[St. Petersburg Times]

After days and days of guessing, it turns out that Spurrier was jerk coach who didn't vote Tebow to be All-SEC First Team quarterback. Of all the ...! Thank goodness, it was all simple misunderstanding. You see, Spurrier didn't even fill out his own ballot. The director of football operations filled out the ballot and then Big Steve signed it without even looking.

You know what this means, right? The legendary integrity of preseason awards balloting has been compromised forever. Not voting for Tim Tebow is the moral equivalent of slapping an orphan in the face with a drowned kitten (even though no one anywhere has ever given a shit about the preseason All-SEC awards.) So naturally, Spurrier had to stumble through a pathetic rambling thumbsucking apology. He owed it not just to Tebow, but to all the little Tebow-Manicas out there who were crying into their Tebow Flakes because their hero was insulted — humiliated! — by his non-unanimous receiving of an honor so important that the people charged with determining the winner can't even be bothered to write names on a piece of paper. I am so happy that this travesty of justice has been rectified.

Now that he has his 11th crucial vote, Tebow can finally "get married."

Spurrier confesses he didn't vote Tebow All-SEC [Atlanta Journal Constitution]

Last week saw the announcement of the preseason All-SEC team, and there were three unanimous selections. Tebow was not one of them. Despite the lack of natural disasters prophesied should this come to pass, it's started quite the Arthur Miller-quality search for the one coach who left Tebow off his ballot.

Tebow received 10 of 11 possible votes (a coach can't vote for his own player), and with SEC Media Days currently underway, the journos have done all they can to smoke out the rat.

Every single coach scheduled to meet the press today publicly stated that they had voted for Tebow, so we can check four names off our list. The remainder are set to face the music over the next two days, and are certain to be asked about it off the bat. Secret ballot indeed.

Interestingly, suspicion has descended on Lane Kiffin, despite him being the first to publicly state he backed Tebow, calling him "a real special kid" who will be "a great NFL quarterback." As if it couldn't get more theatrical, Kiffin's is the very last press conference scheduled, where he's likely to be faced with the other 10 coaches' denials.

The lesson here is that the South takes their college football way too seriously. I doubt Tebow himself even noticed:

Brooks, Mullen say they voted for Tebow [ESPN.com]

Mullen, Brooks also proclaim innocence in TebowGate [Miami Herald]

If you watch the full story, you can see Irwin try to blame it all on LSU fans—who the Razorbacks play in the College World Series tonight—but there are several southern schools represented among the rabble. No need to discriminate, Mike!

Reporter Gets Overtaken During Liveshot @ College World Series [YouTube]

The guy has not coached a single conference game—or head coached any college game for that matter—but he's already managed to tick off at least three league coaches, called one of the them a cheater (erroneously), been accused of cheating by another, and publicly shamed a recruit's grandmother. Not a bad start.

You already know about last week's accusation that Florida coach Urban Meyer "cheated" to try and win a recruit that he eventually lost to Tennessee. Turns out that calling a recruit when he's on another school's campus is totally legit and Kiffin had to apologize. (Not a great way to make friends, but who can keep all those regulations straight anyway?) But that wasn't the only cell phone shenanigans he's been was involved in.

Another report says that when the recruit in question, Nu'Keese Richardson, was attending a Vols basketball game (against Florida, natch) during his visit to Knoxville, he got a text from his high school coach. Kiffin allegedly took the phone and began texting the coach—while pretending to be Richardson—saying that he'd made a decision. (The coach did not learn of Richardson's true decision until signing day.)

He also told fans that the 19 recruits UT added in the 2009 class were "far below the standards we have here" and that Marlon Brown, a top player leaving the state to attend Georgia, wanted to be a Volunteer, but "his grandmother would not let him come." So up yours, Granny.

That should help his ongoing feud with Georgia coach Mark Richt, but Kiffin's more obvious target is Florida. The Vols have won their annual matchup just four times since 1992 and zero times since Meyer took over the Gators, so is all this gamesmanship—Kiffin has already predicted a win in Gainesville this year—simply an effort to rally the troops and put a spark back in the rivalry? Or is Kiffin out of his mind to be tempting the Wrath of Tebow?

Remember, this is a guy who is coming off a spectacular flameout during his one brief head coaching stint and he did voluntarily agree to work for the Raiders, so it is possible that the man is certifiably insane. Of course, that may be just what the doctor ordered for Tennessee. There are some mitigating circumstances, however, that lead me to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I would not bet against this guy just yet.

Column: SEC coaches wary of Kiffin [Yahoo]
Thank You, Lane Kiffin [The Arena]
Kiffin pretended to be Nu'Keese while texting [Palm Beach Post]

"Finally, we'd like to point out the Facebook effort "Jort-Out Georgia." People think that by looking like white trash, they'll perform better on the field. Trust us, not even kryptonite can stop Knowshon Moreno." But you know what can stop you from having sex? Writing editorials for your college newspaper. Anyway, Jort-Out Georgia is alive and well on facebook here. And I have to say, as lame and gay as the blackout was at Georgia, the jort-out is close to genius. Or close enough to genius to be equated as such when it comes to SEC football. (Note: literacy and ability to count to one-hundred also suffice.)
On to the games.

West Virginia (-4) at UConn- Are the Mountaineers poised to regain their rightful place at the top of the Big East standings or will UConn hang the first conference loss on West Virginia? Right now UConn is 2-1 with the tiebreak over Louisville and West Virginia is the only team undefeated in conference. In the wake of last night's South Florida defeat the Big East race has now been sliced to a six-team affair. West Virginia has won 4 in a row since bad road losses to mediocre East Carolina and Colorado football teams. But all those wins were in Morgantown/Deadwood. Can they step outside of conference and pull off a win? If you're like the rest of us you'll be waiting with bated breath. (Note, by waiting with bated breath, I mean not noticing at all.)

Northwestern at Minnesota (-7)- Who's about to become the hottest coach you've never heard of in college football? Minnesota's Tim Brewster. That happens when you can bring a top 20 recruiting class in despite a 1-11 record and when you start the next season 7-1. Minnesota in the Rose Bowl for the first time since 1966? Don't stop believing Gophers, don't stop believing.

Michigan at Purdue (-2)- Did you know that Purdue was 2-6? I didn't either. This is a high school girl's slapfest. One of these teams is going to finish 2-10. Which one? The one that doesn't win this game.

Miami at Virginia (-2)- All hail your coastal division champion Virginia Cavaliers. Stop laughing. I wrote last week that this was going to happen. Now it's even more likely. Oddsmakers are starting to take note of the Al Groh resurgence; the line moved from Miami favored by 1 to UVa by 2.

Auburn at Ole Miss (-6.5)- Tommy Tuberville limps back to Oxford with a 4-4 record and is almost a touchdown underdog to Ole Miss. Auburn fans are sharpening their knives to lop of off Tubs's oversized ears. Is this in any way justified with his past success? No. Can Auburn attract a better coaching candidate? No. Will this stop them from calling for his head if they lose to Ole Miss? Nope.

Pittsburgh at Notre Dame (-5)- Isn't it amazing how all the criticism of the media love affair with Notre Dame has finally taken hold? There's been virtually no mention of Notre Dame's five wins and they aren't ranked. Wannstedt has had a week to get over the 54 points his team gave up to Rutgers last week. This is just the sort of game Pitt has won under Wannstedt. Or lost by 50. Meanwhile Notre Dame has still not beaten a team with a winning record.

Arizona State at Oregon State (-14)- Is there a media conspiracy that doesn't want to point out that if Oregon State (currently 3-1 in the Pac-10) wins out, they win the Pac-10? You didn't realize they hadn't lost a Pac-10 game since they swamped USC either, did you? The world will be up in arms if Oklahoma slides into the BCS Title game without winning the Big 12. But if USC does it from the Pac-10? No one will even notice.

Tulsa (-7) at Arkansas- The Imma kick the shit out of you former-Arkansas coaching staff victory tour will continue another week. Last week Houston Nutt rolled into Fayetteville and beat his old team. This week Gus Malzahn, Tulsa's offensive coordinator, gets his shot. Tulsa's got the best offense you haven't heard of. They're averaging 625 yards of offense per game and 56.6 points. Averaging. David Johnson, their quarterback, has 32 touchdown passes already. If Malzahn doesn't get a head coaching job sometime soon, there is no justice in the universe.

Oregon at Cal (-3)- Two of the other one-loss Pac-10 teams are playing. What's going to give, Oregon's 278 yard per game rushing attack or Cal's defense that's allowing less than a 100 rushing yards a game. Will this game feature the most weed-smoking per capita on the season? I think so.

Florida (-6.5) v. Georgia- All you need to know about this game comes from ESPN:

Tired of struggling to find enough teachers to staff its classrooms on the Friday before the annual Georgia-Florida football game, the Clarke County (Ga.) School District — which includes Athens, home of the University of Georgia — decided to cancel school altogether.

According to area media reports, 137 teachers last year called in sick the day before the big game, and the district was able to find only 113 substitutes.

School administrators studied the absences over the years and found a pattern — almost twice as many teachers call in sick the Friday before the annual game in Jacksonville, Fla., about 360 miles away, than on an average school day.

Yeah, I can't wait to see this game either. Fuck reading and writing.

Washington at Southern Cal (-47)- The line opened at 43 and quickly moved to 47. Seriously, shouldn't there be a rule that if you're favored by more than 35 over a fellow conference foe that the team you're favored over has to leave the conference for a year?

Texas at Texas Tech (-3.5)- If you're not rooting for Mike Leach to win this game, then you're a communist. If Leach the piriate wins he might get on the team bus, drive to Athens, and allow his team loose to plunder the city. Honestly. I'm just hoping it comes down to the walk-on kicker from 30 yards to win or lose the game. Remember how I keep saying that the winning quarterback of this game has the Heisman locked up? This time I mean it. Colt McCoy has 21 touchdowns, an 81.3 completion percentage, and has thrown for 2285 yards. Graham Harrell has thrown for 28 touchdowns and 3147 yards. In case you've been living under a rock both teams are undefeated. Let the scoring begin.

This is what it has come to: an erudite Alabama fan self-nicknamed "Cowboy" is Phil Fulmer's greatest defender. And Cowboy thinks that Nick Saban might be watching his analysis. Which, given that Saban is all-knowing and all-powerful, He probably is. Find a better mustache than this, I dare you.

Alabama fan rejoices [Roundtable Radio]

1. Texas eliminated Missouri from the national stage on Saturday. The Horns were up 35-3 at the half and all those Missouri fans who were convinced that Texas might have a figurative hangover after Oklahoma were busy wondering if Chase Daniel was literally hungover. Three weeks ago I anointed Daniel the Heisman Trophy winner. Maybe that was a bit premature. Now everyone knows Colt McCoy is going to win it. Which probably means he won’t. The void in the Heisman race this year is gargantuan.

2. Maryland beat Wake Forest 26-0. If there is a less consistent team in America than Maryland, I haven’t seen them play all year. Lose to UVA by 31 when you’re favored by 14, beat a top 25 Cal team that you’re double digit underdogs to, lose to Middle Tennessee State by 10, and now bounce back from being shutout to shutout the top team in the ACC. There are no words. I’m picturing a bleary-eyed Ralph Friedgen sitting in front of film from this season’s games,Twinkies flying over his shoulder at warp speed, saying over and over again, “If I just watch long enough it will all make sense.” No, it won’t Coach. It never will.

3. With 6:46 remaining in the third quarter Penn State was tied at 17 with Michigan. Nittany Lions fans were starting to wonder if they were going to find a way to lose to the worst Michigan football team in the history of the university and then they scored 29 consecutive points and covered the huge spread. Am I the only person who pictures Joe Pa giving the Russell Crowe Gladiator speech during a television commercial break? Via the sideline phone no less. How much would you pay to hear Joe Pa say, “At my signal, unleash hell.”

(It takes a while but the best single line of moviedom in the past ten years will come up eventually. Damn copyright lawyers ruining clips for the rest of us.)

4. Georgia outlasts Vandy 24-14. This game was ugly. And I know because I was nauseous and attempting to take a nap while watching this game from my car on Saturday afternoon. Earlier I’d spent the day touring the Thomas Wolfe home in Asheville. Don’t ask. But isn’t it amazing how teams can drop off the national radar so fast? Georgia is number 7 in the BCS standings and you’d think they’ve lost three games already. That will probably change beginning this weekend at LSU, but still, how have they disappeared so quickly?

In case you're wondering how the Gators are getting ready for the Cocktail Party, here's a rap about the awesomeness of beards from Gainesville. Every time I want to hate Florida fans, they go and pull off something amazing like this. Work your way through the opening half-minute and wait for the rap to begin. It's truly outstanding. As an added bonus watch for Joakim Noah, Al Horford, and Taurean Green to make cameos. Seriously.

5. On Friday Boise State beat Hawaii 32-7 to get to 6-0. Remember Boise State head coach Chris Petersen? You should. He’s about to become the hottest commodity among young head coaches in the country. Their only win by less than 13 was over Oregon at Oregon. They’re #15 in the country and will be favored to get to 12-0. Can they crash the BCS again? Oklahoma hopes not.

6. Texas Tech is 7-0 and still has played no one. Why can’t my team ever get a starting schedule like this to artificially inflate our expectations? But that’s all about to change. Starting this week Tech goes to Kansas (where they’ve opened as an early underdog), then they get Texas and Oklahoma State at home before a nice road trip to Oklahoma. Christ, is the negative karma from going to law school finally catching up with Mike Leach?

7. LSU proved they can win a big night game on the road. Unfortunately for them, this win means their home game against Georgia will now be an afternoon game for CBS. Somehow Les Miles will find a way to blame Matthew Stafford for this insult to the honor of the Bengal Tigers. Meaning I'm glad I'm not Matthew Stafford.

8. Remember how USC was favored by 43 on the road? Yeah, they covered by 26. 69-0 was the final. Washington State’s really clicking on all cylinders now. Can you imagine being a Washington State fan, putting money on your team, and then having to watch this debacle?

As if that weren't bad enough, word is the entire Washington State dance team fled Pullman to become Mark Sanchez's harem. Only Sanchez dropped them off in Sacramento because they weren't hot enough for LA.

9. Oklahoma's Sam Bradford threw for 468 yards against Kansas. What’s more, the Sooners put up 674 yards of total offense. How is that even possible with the new clock rules? Seriously, 674 yards. You’re thinking, they must have thrown the ball on every play. You’d be wrong. They passed 56 times, but they also ran the ball 44 times. Meaning they managed to run 100 offensive plays. The average team in college football is averaging about 64 this year. How did this happen? Especially because Kansas ran 72 plays themselves. It wasn’t like they turned the ball over on the first play every time. I have no idea how this game featured 172 plays. Anyway, Oklahoma won 45-31.

10. Ohio State eviscerated Michigan State. Meaning it might well be another twenty years before Michigan State gets to go back to the Rose Bowl. But they can still beat Michigan this weekend, right? State fans are kicking dirt clods outside their UP Winnebagos. Right? Meanwhile, Ohio State and Penn State decides the Rose Bowl for the Big Ten before November is even here.

11. UVA upset North Carolina in overtime. What if Al Groh won the ACC this year? Your world is spinning in reverse right now, isn’t it? UVA is now 2-1 in conference and has a chance to take over the Coastal Division lead with a game at Georgia Tech this weekend.

12. The first BCS standings are out. Texas and Alabama are in the top spots. Not for long. I personally guarantee a loss for Alabama this weekend in Knoxville. It’s happening. Write it down and remember who told you first. In fact, wager your life savings on the Alabama favored by 6 line. That worked very well for everyone who took my advice on Texas Tech-Nebraska. As a consolation prize in advance, this lovely Alabama girl has lost her top. Oh my. She must be cold.

Ten other things that stuck out this weekend:

1. Does anyone else feel like the Terrelle Pryor run with one minute left against Wisconsin was the first of many such plays that will leave opposing Big Ten fans ripping out the hair on their "bad-ass" goatees? Pryor scored at half speed. The most dangerous thing about Pryor right now? He never seems to be in a hurry. The game is already slow enough for him that he can control the pace. Witness Wisconsin’s rushing defenders who have to move slower because they’re worried about rushing past him and giving up a big play. Yep, he's a true freshman and he’s already dictating the speed of the game.

It’s uncanny. There are 80,000 opposing fans screaming at him, his team has to have a touchdown on a final drive, and he trots into the end zone on a quarterback keeper without being touched. It’s Vince Young-ian—before Vince Young went crazy. Also, and this is key, VY was a redshirt freshman by the time he started playing significant minutes and he didn’t start outright until his redshirt sophomore season. Pryor’s already there and he’s a true freshman. It’s enough to make Ohio State fans want to burn incense in Maurice Clarrett’s honor because thanks to his getting shot down by challenging the NFL’s three-year draft rule, the Buckeyes are guaranteed three years with Pryor. Hell, maybe by the time he leaves they'll have done the impossible...beaten a single SEC team.

2. Alabama doesn’t walk on water. At least not when they play Kentucky. If Kentucky’s quarterback doesn’t drop the ball in the end zone, Alabama might lose at home to Kentucky for the first time in the history of the two football programs. Instead they managed to hang on for a 17-14 win. On the papyrus scrolls bearing images of his victories that must be lain down before He takes a single step, in the Book of Saban this win will be called, "The Immortal Conquest of the Bluegrass."

3. Penn State survived their first of four consecutive tests to determine whether Joe Pa can become the first senile BCS Champion with a workmanlike 20-6 win over Purdue. The offense wasn’t as impressive as they had been but the defense was even better. Can they win on the road at Wisconsin this weekend? Joe Pa thinks so. Of course Joe Pa thinks Wisconsin is actually in Florida, so that's a bit of a geographic challenge.

4.Tennessee beat a sub-par MAC team 13-9 en route to rolling up 225 yards of total offense. What’s the worst thing about this? On the drive back from the game, I found myself thinking, “We played pretty well.” And we beat a MAC team by 4 at home. Awesome.

5. Virginia beats Maryland 31-0 even though Maryland was favored by 14 points. That’s a 45 point swing vs. the spread. College football—making oddsmakers jump off buildings since 1895. If anyone knows of a website that lists the largest swings in outcome every year, I’d love to see it. For instance a few years ago Louisville went down to South Florida favored by 28 and lost by like 40. The difference between the spread and the result was over 60 points. This would be a superb and cautionary ad for the NCAA to put together to try and discourage people from gambling on their games.

6. FSU triumphed over Miami after almost blowing a 24 point lead and Illinois came into the Big House, went down 14-3 and then outscored Michigan 42-6 in the final three quarters. Long live the Zooker. Death to the Zooker. In somewhat related news, Chris Weinke just had sex with his 4,000,032nd Florida State undergrad.

7. USC bounced back to crush Oregon. In the process of destroying Oregon in the fourth quarter, USC ensured that they are the only Pac-10 team ranked in the top 25. Lending further credence to my suggestion that the Mountain West Conference take out newspaper ads proclaiming their eventual conference champion the Pac-10 champ as well.

8. The Big 12 demonstrated there’s a severe gap between their top 4 and everyone else. Texas Tech, Oklahoma, Missouri and Texas went on the road for conference games and won by 30, 32, 35, and 24 respectively. And these aren’t deceptive margins. None of these games was ever close.

9. Chase Daniel is going to win the Heisman unless he gets injured. Go ahead and write this in stone. It’s the gospel truth. Daniel looks like he’s playing a video game. And, be honest, if he showed up to play in a weekly football game with your buddies, no one would pick him for at least the first ten picks. Then, you’d probably put him on the line and tell him to run five-yard outs while your accountant friend got to play quarterback. Eventually you’d give him one snap at quarterback and he’d throw a 70 yard touchdown pass without even taking a step. Then, at halftime he’d disappear for ten minutes and when he came back your accountant’s girlfriend would be pregnant.

10. Vanderbilt beat Auburn for the first time since 1955 on Saturday. Auburn played their usual, choke you out football, going up 13-0 and then refusing to adopt such modern offensive plays as the “forward pass” and the “toss sweep.” Instead, they were content to wait for Vanderbilt to self-destruct and give them the win. And it almost worked.

Play of the game? Vanderbilt back-up quarterback Mackenzi Adams is on a second down quarterback sneak and has just broken into the open field. If he keeps going and gets the first down all Vanderbilt will have to do is take a knee. Instead, and inexplicably, he drops the football. It bounces behind him and lays tantalizingly on the field. Then, he runs back and covers it. In the past five decades, that ball would have been scooped up and returned for a touchdown. But not this year and not on Saturday. As the second best College Gameday sign said, “The Geeks shall inherit the turf.” Although, to be fair, the best sign of the day (in an otherwise weak class) was, “My butler went to Auburn.” Succinct, arrogant, devastating and self-mocking (I’m sure the student’s butler really went to Miss. State). Well played Vandy, well played.

The annual Auburn-LSU showdown lived up to the hype last night, as redshirt freshman QB Jarrett Lee found Brandon LaFell with an 18-yard touchdown pass with just over a minute remaining. That strike proved to be the difference, as the sixth ranked Tigers pulled out a tough road win, and now have dreams of a national title dancing inside Les Miles's dome.

The win by LSU snapped Auburn’s streak of six straight victories at Jordan-Hare Stadium against Top 10 teams.

With the winner of the Auburn-LSU game having gone on to take the SEC West title in six of the past eight seasons, this was obviously a biggie.

"We have all seen Jarrett throw and play, and just getting him comfortable on the field and with the calls – that was really the issue," Miles said Saturday night. "You watch him out there and you could see that he was having a lot of fun. He certainly plays and enjoyed the competitive times."

LSU didn't just use an aerial assault to win, their running game was on point as well. Charles Scott, the 233-pound running back, bruised Auburn defenders as he rushed for 132 yards. Scott became the first LSU back to gain over 100 yards in Auburn's house.

Saturday night's other big winners: Fresno St, Georgia, Texas, Wake Forest, Texas Tech, Utah, Boise St., Florida, and Michigan State (in spite of Charlie Weis and his laptop).

(Quick reminder: Send any and all tips here. 'Preciate it.)

Dear Auburn Student,
I wanted to remind each of you about the importance of your support for our team and displaying character this weekend when L.S.U. fans and other guests arrive this weekend. First, please join me by agreeing to demonstrate your support for, and not criticism of, our football team. That means no booing! Remember, the team isn't trying to lose the game—the players work hard all spring and during fall camp to be ready to compete in the S.E.C. Let's show our appreciation for their hard work by encouraging them with loads enthusiasm! Secondly, help me show the world what I get to experience everyday: that Auburn men and women are special, dedicated, loyal, fun loving, bleed orange and blue, are compassionate, and demonstrate good will to others, even our competitors.

ESPN Game Day will be in town this weekend and we need everyone to come out and show them how much we support our team. Let's show Chris Fowler, Kirk Hebstreit, Lee Corso and Desmond Howard true fan support and loyalty for Auburn!

The nation will be watching the next two weeks (ESPN, CBS next week), and lets remember to have a great time, enjoy the weekend's activities, watch our language and behavior, and display class, taste, and character in everything we do. I have every confidence you will.

War Eagle!!

Dr. Johnny Green, '85
Office of the Dean of
Students
Suite 3248
Auburn University Student Center
Auburn Univ., AL 36849
Phone: 334-844-1304
greenjr@auburn.edu

Oh, and LSU fans should probably heed this warning as well since many of them will be in attendance this weekend. Let's keep this SEC rivalry on the up-and-up. Again, no booing.

This is an ominous sign for the rest of the teams on the Gators' schedule. Thus far in two Gator games Harvin has caught one pass for 12 yards and run five times for 27 yards. After being touted as a Heisman candidate by his own Heisman-winning teammate, Tim Tebow, Harvin was eased back into the offense. Which might be one reason why the Gators looked so tentative on offense against Miami. Now he's healthier than he's been since 10th grade.

Since Florida and Tennessee play so early in the season both teams try and disguise what they're actually going to do on offense and defense in their opening games. It's one of many reasons why fans hate each other, we have no clue what to expect. This disguise reared its head most prominently when Tennessee saved their prowler defensive package until the final game of the regular season in 2001. Just to break it out in time for Florida.

Now Percy Harvin, "a hell of a toy" in Urban Meyer's world, is poised to spring forth, fully healed from his April surgery. In the meantime, Harvin, as evidenced by the above photo, has managed to make muscles where muscles don't even seem capable of growing. (His cheek bone muscles are ripped. What?) This means Florida's offense is going to look completely different than it has so far. Hopefully it won't get as bad as last season when Harvin ran 9 times for 75 yards and caught 4 passes for 120 yards. Unfortunately, I'm afraid it might be worse. Especially if UT's mustang package rears its ugly head.

Gators' Percy Harvin healthy, ready to cut loose [Ocala Star-Banner]

1. Charlie Weis and Tom Brady go down in consecutive weeks with knee injuries. Remember that horrible movie Final Destination where death stalked all those kids? I think they even did a sequel. Is anyone else starting to think that's what Spygate is like? Weis getting wrecked on the sideline was just like that kid stepping in front of the bus and getting killed as he tried to cross the street. If I was Bill Belichick, I'd have my head on a swivel next week.

2. Does anyone else have one single friend who's approaching 30 and keeps going out to the same bar you've been going out to for the past 8 years and still runs the same pick-up a girl offense, only now it's not working at all? My friend Kelly is a Michigan grad and spent Saturday watching Michigan attempt to run the spread offense. He's argued with me that it was time for a change of offensive philosophies. Then, he pointed to our friend, standing alone and woefully adrift in front of a live band, and said, "See, the old offense just isn't working anymore." This would have been more effective if Michigan had looked the least bit competent, but, even still, the analogy is almost perfect. At least none of my friends are the only guy at the bar with a gray goatee. It's been my experience that gray goatee is always there. If you haven't noticed this then you might be the guy at the bar with the gray goatee. Condolences.

3. Post-game interview where Jimmy Clausen stares down the camera directly and made your blood run cold. I'm trying to figure out why this is making me so uncomfortable and then it hits me: Jimmy Clausen is Draco Malfoy. If you have no idea who Draco Malfoy is, email me and you can have my balls. You deserve them.

4. Friday night, while you were out drinking and forgot about the game like I told you would happen on Thursday, USF's freshman kicker nailed a 43 yard field goal to beat Kansas. This was the game of the weekend and you forgot about it even though you spent all day Thursday trying to remind yourself not to forget. You suck. See, alcohol does kill brain cells.

5. South Carolina and Georgia. I listened to this game driving back from UAB-Tennessee on Saturday. It was impossible to find for at least an hour. Why are football game so impossible to find on the radio? Anyway, biggest question of the day, why is Spurrier shuttling in Stephen Garcia at all? I don't get this. Smelley is on his way to throwing for 300 yards and you bring in a redshirt freshman who has already been charged with 19 felonies since he arrived on campus. Including keying a professor's car? He proceeds to take two sacks. Mind-boggling.

6. Biggest upset of the week: Maryland over Cal. Cal was a 16 point favorite. Maryland lost to Middle Tennessee state last weekend. Yet, get a 12:00 kickoff rolling, get Cal's players out of bed at roughly 4 in their morning their time, and things can fall apart in a hurry. Why don't Pac-10 teams insist on later kickoffs when they travel all the way across the country? This is the only thing I'd be concerned about the contract. Write it in there and then sign. Or set the return game for 1 in the morning east coast time. But even that isn't really effective because college kids would prefer this anyway. So, basically, if you're from the west coast you have to refuse to play in this game.

7. Speaking of MTSU, you probably haven't seen how Kentucky's game against MTSU ended because it was on something called the Big Blue Network and Tim Couch was taking a break from having sex fourteen times on Saturday to call the game. In fact, when you watch the footage below you'll note that the Big Blue Network managed to miss the actual tipped-ball catch. Setting the scene, less than thirty seconds remain and UK is leading 20-14. They've lined up to attempt a field goal that will ice the game. Enjoy.

Kentucky fans still haven't recovered from this. Almost LSU redux. I still have no idea how the Kentucky db reacted so quickly to make this tackle inside the one. Thankfully the camera man wasn't responsible for deep coverage.

8. One note on the UT-UAB game, for the first time in my life the UT crowd booed players. Up until five years ago you didn't hear booing of any sort at the game. No matter what the result was. And there were some bad results. Both Jonathan Cromption and tight end Luke Stocker (whose hands appeared to be made of granite and lack finger extensions were loudly booed during the third quarter). I don't get this at all. Anytime you boo college athletes, I think it's incredibly stupid. But the booing of college athletes in the second game of the season during a game they're winning? That's Florida Gator fan-level cluelessness there. Is it spreading?

9. The Mississippi State-Auburn game finished with a 3-2 score. That's only happened six times in college football hstory and only once in the past 50 years. It was televised on ESPN-2 and redefined the term "slugfest." If you've ever wondered what football in 1932 looked like, you should have watched this game. But here's the deal, Sly Croom made the dumbest decision of the week. Why in the world did he choose to go for a 4th and 15 late? When his offense hadn't even converted a single third down of any distance all game? Especially when he had the opportunity to try and pin Auburn deep and allow his defense to go for either another safety or at least force Auburn to punt from their end zone? This decision was baffling to me. It's fairly rare you see a coach make a decision this dumb. Ever.

10. UCLA gave up 59 points to BYU. Two weeks ago my team lost to UCLA. This week we play Florida. I can't explain how unsettling this is. I know the transitive property doesn't work in sports, but, still, uh oh. By the way, if you're doubting whether or not USC is going to run the table in the Pac-10 this year, Arizona, Arizona State, Washington State, Washington, Stanford, Cal and UCLA all lost non-conference games this weekend. And Oregon needed overtime to beat the 6th or 7th best Big Ten school, Purdue.

11. Vandy is now 3-0. They beat Rice behind the fleet feet of their white running back, Jared Hawkins. The white running back is the story of this year's college football season. Michigan has one, UCLA started one, and I'm sure there are others. Of course two of these three teams looked inept on offense, but I'm sure that's just a coincidence. Yep, 2008 is the year of the white running back. But, lest we all forget, injury to fat men on your football team, are just a play away. And if this happens, college kids will reenact the injury.

“There weren’t any girls from the Big Ten who were hot enough to be on the cover, so they had to pull someone from the SEC."

Carrington/Hemberger is currently lounging in LA, doing the Bunny House-thing, playing with monkeys and posing with other hefty-chested blond floozies in Hef's castle. This is an important time in Carrington's career, and depending on how the tit-showing works out for her, she may have to relocate to the West Coast permanently and transfer to USC. They have a much more challenging public relations program out there.

UF Student makes Playboy Cover [Gainesville Sun]