South Florida's Maikon Bonani was probably hoping his summer job at Busch Gardens would be like something out of the movie Adventureland. Instead it turned out like Final Destination 3; you know, a laughable failure featuring no one you've heard of.

Yesterday, the Bulls' starting kicker was working at the Skyride, a tram that ferries customers over the tiger and orangutan habitats. From the park's statement, Bonani appears to have ignored all instincts of self-preservation:

It said that after sending a gondola out of the station, the Skyride attendant thought the door might be unlocked and held onto the door to check it. He held on for about 50 feet as the gondola took off, and he let go over the Jungala attraction - a 35 foot fall, the release said.

Where is Spider-Man when you need him?

Bonani was not immediately set upon by the tigers, only to be rescued by the orangutans and accepted and raised as one of their own. Instead he was taken to the hospital with a injured vertebra, and is listed in fair condition.

USF Football Players Injured In Busch Gardens Accident [St. Pete Times]

Someone has to win the Big East. We know this. There's a BCS spot at stake. But with miles to go before we sleep only Syracuse at 0-3 has completely eliminated themselves from contention. Fans of the other 7 teams in the conference (all 14 of you) can still lay awake at night and dream about the riches and glory that could be yours if only your team could string together a few wins and snag the coveted prize. Tonight the Big East's only ranked team in the Coaches' Poll, South Florida, tries to become the only team in the Big East not named Syracuse to have three conference losses, and Cincinnati tries to avoid adding on their second consecutive conference loss. Yep, like 7th grade girls competing to avoid being the slut of the pre-algebra classroom, it's a battle not to suck.

Cincinnati is 5-2. Prior to getting trounced 40-16 by UConn last week their only loss was at Oklahoma. Now they have to beat South Florida to avoid dropping to 1-2 in conference. Which would be bad. What's worse than this? The next two games are on the road at West Virginia and at Louisiville. So, really, Cincinnati is probably already eliminated from Big East contention. But that's okay. Because their final game of the season, on December 6, is at Hawaii. Which is awesome for the team but will kill their bowl crowd. If you have a choice between following Cincinnati to Hawaii in early December or to Birmingham's PapaJohn's Bowl in late December which are you choosing?

Cincinnati's starting quarterback, Tony Pike, is also tougher than you. Not that there was really any doubt after you pulled yourself from an intramural flag football game with turf toe, but still, it's important to establish these things. Pike started last week's game against UConn and played with a broken left (non-throwing) arm. He was pulled from the game after he lost feeling in the broken arm. Jesus.

On the other side of the field South Florida is trying to avoid another Big East collapse. (Perhaps Jim Leavitt can recruit Jenn Sterger to provide the necessary support to the team since she attended USF for two years before transferring to FSU.) After being ranked as high as #10 in the country, the Bulls have lost 2 of 3 conference games. Losing at home on Thursday night to Pitt and on the road to Louisville. It's a battle for the Big East ages, and who are you kidding, you'll be watching. Unless College Invasion 12 just arrived in your mailbox too. Then? Screw college football.

Pittsburgh at South Florida (-13.5) - Friday night’s game on September 12 between South Florida and Kansas has already been forgotten. But if Kansas wins that game they’re inside the top 10 with four other Big 12 teams. Instead South Florida is #10 in the AP and will be favored in every game remaining on their schedule with the possible exception of an away game in Morgantown/Deadwood on December 6. But how good is South Florida? They’re 5-0 with one overtime win over a mediocre team (Central Florida), one last second field goal win over a good team (Kansas) and a near disaster against Florida Atlantic (17-8)? Last season things were also going smoothly for South Florida, they rolled to #2 in the country before losing three straight in conference games and plummeting out of the polls. This season their rise hasn’t been meteoric but their position is similar. Win their final 7 games and it’s hard to believe they won’t be in the BCS Title Game at 12-0. Even still, you’re reading this and thinking, there’s no way South Florida runs the table. They’re not a top 5 caliber team. And I’m writing this and thinking the same thing. Even though I have nothing to base this on.

Meanwhile Pittsburgh has won three in a row since a home-opening loss to mighty Bowling Green. Dave Wannstedt, who has been on the verge of perpetually turning the corner with Pittsburgh football for the past three seasons, needs to prove his team has actually improved. So far Wanndstedt has gone 5-6, 6-6, and 5-7. Is there any coach in America that’s lived on a perpetual hot seat longer than Wannstedt? Since 2002 he’s been on the verge of being fired for some offense or another.

Oregon State at Utah (-14)- Demonstrating the respect that Oregon State garnered by upsetting USC as 25 point underdogs last week, Utah opened as 12 point favorites. The line immediately moved to 14. Last week everyone expected for USC’s turn on Thursday night football to be an audition for the nation’s accolades. This week, the same holds true for Utah. Especially since the Mountain West is 5-1 against the Pac-10 this year.

Utah is averaging 38 points a game and is 5-0 including their opening game win at Michigan. If they can get past Oregon State, Utah looks to be in solid shape for a match-up of undefeated teams in their November 22nd game at BYU. Such a game could be a play-in between top ten teams (you’ve got to figure that the #15 Utah team would be in the top 25 by then) and could provide the necessary juice to propel whichever Utah team wins that game into the BCS Title Game. Against, you guessed it, South Florida.

If that happened, we could end up with a split national champion. Something the BCS was devised to keep from ever happening. So if you’re a college football fan who believes that a playoff would be a gift from God (and who doesn’t believe this?) then you might want to root for the winner of BYU/Utah to go undefeated and play South Florida for all the marbles. Because the indignation would be at an all-time high and just maybe, maybe, the low ratings and anger would finally mean something would have to change.

Meanwhile, Oregon State has already been passed over as the flavor of the week. Just seven days ago they shocked the college football universe by beating the best team in college football history. Now they’re going on the road for another Thursday night game and no one is giving them a shot in hell. Which seems odd. Unless you consider how much sex Jacquizz Rodgers has had since he went for 186 yards against USC. The oddsmakers clearly have to be factoring in his leg fatigue.

So I guess what I'm saying by way of these previews is, watch both teams if you can because it might be your only chance to develop an opinion about two national title contenders. Seriously. Or don't and watch Sarah Palin, all the while thinking that you're really watching Tina Fey playing Sarah Palin in a skit.

8. UVa at UConn (-12.5)- Remember how Al Groh was supposed to revitalize Cavs football? Yeah, those dreams have long since passed. Now dontfirealgroh.com gets more and more frustrating each week. Already Cavs fans are rooting for the good ole days when their players were being arrested at gay bars to return. But has it really gotten to the point where a UConn team that scored 12 points on Temple, Temple!, opens as a favorite by more than 12 over Virginia? Yep, that time has come. UVa beat UConn last year 17-16. But you have to take UVa with that spread, right?

7. Oregon (-8) at Purdue- This game will take 5 hours to play and end with a score of something like 56-49. The new college football rules designed to shorten the game have no prayer of helping here. Joe Tiller is the most reliably average of all Big Ten coaches. He's good for 7 or 8 wins a year (10 bowl games in 11 seasons) and will inevitably have at least a single game in September that makes you think Purdue might be a factor. Then, they aren't. Unless it's sleeting and his mustache freezes. Then, you have to watch.

Oregon is probably USC's most legit challenger in the Pac-10 and no one has mentioned them all season. Why? Because as much as the Pac-10 complains about a lack of media attention on the East Coast, the only Pac-10 teams that get any West Coast media attention are in major markets in California.

The most interesting thing about this game? Both teams had a bye coming in. Why? (Note, evidently this is not true. Both teams actually played games; Purdue-Northern Colorado and Oregon-Utah State. Even still, I stand by my bye week statement.) The second most interesting thing about this game, Oregon is traveling to Indiana for a football game. Again, why? This is one of those cross-regional games that makes no sense. Does Purdue bring in northwest recruits? No. Does Oregon hit up Indiana for players? No. Have Purdue and Oregon fans been clamoring for this match-up? No. So, why play? Just so the Pac-10 and the Big 10 can play another game on the same day as USC-Ohio State that no one on earth will remember? Brilliant.

But look at all the pretty touchdowns.

6. Auburn (-10.5) at Miss. State- Last year Miss. State and Sylvestor Croom found a way to beat Auburn at Auburn. Now, Auburn has a new quarterback, a new offensive coordinator, a new defensive coordinator, has looked mediocre in two wins thus far and they are favored by two scores in a road game. This makes zero sense to me. Granted State has looked horrible, but even when State wins they look horrible. How could you not take MSU here? I'll tell you, if Croom makes the mistake of scheduling the team fieldtrip to the only escalator in Starkville on the Friday before this game. Last year three starters were injured trying to walk the "magic stairs."

5. Oklahoma (-20) at Washington- Can you imagine what will happen if the officials, feeling sorry for Washington's excessive celebration penalty last week, blow another call on the west coast in favor of a Pac-10 school against Oklahoma. I'm rooting for this to happen just to see Bob Stoops storm the field and choke the head ref to death with his headset cord. Otherwise the Ty Willingham death march is likely to continue.

4. Michigan (-2) at Notre Dame- The fact that Michigan is favored in this game speaks volumes about Jimmy Clausen's hair. Because if you've watched Michigan's offense thus far they look like Australian aboriginees being instructed in how to build websites without first learning to read. Yet, amazingly, the over/under on this game is 37. How? The score of this game is going to be 13-10 Michigan and after it's over, Charlie Weis's amazingly invisible crotch is going to be soiled. But not for long. Immediately after he soils himself, Notre Dame fans will arrive to lick up his mess. All the while exclaiming, "Oh, yeah, Ty Willingham's the one who really blows. This isn't a blow job, this is just a European crotch cleaning."

3. Kansas at South Florida (-3.5)- This game is actually being played on Friday which means 99% of college football fans are going to think, man that sounds like a good game. Only the game will already have been played before we realize it's going on. Which is a shame because Kansas's Mark Mangino and USF's Jim Leavitt are the two angriest coaches on the sideline not named Mike Gundy. Kansas hasn't lost since John Brown's Raid but South Florida is favored at home. Anyone who tells you they have any idea what's going to happen in this game is a fool. USF is the moderately attractive girl of college football. Except she's bipolar. One party she's ski-polling two guys while sitting on the drier, the next weekend she's worn a navy pantsuit to the party and is crying into her Cranberry Diet Mike's Hard Lemonade. I'm sure this is tough to take for USF fans.

Hopefully for Mark Mangino's sake he'll avoid having his picture taken alongside oranges this time.

2. Georgia (-7.5) at South Carolina- Steve Spurrier is reverting to 1994 and plans on alternating between his two quarterbacks, Smelley and Beecher. Neither of them is any good and they're probably not going to be able to throw bubble screens to wide receiver Kenny McKinley, who has an injured hamstring. Meanwhile, Georgia comes into town incensed because Mark May didn't invite Knowshon Moreno onto the set and let him demonstrate his great leaping ability by tea-bagging Lou Holtz. Also, former Georgia defensive end David Pollack is now a member of the CBS announcing team. In what capacity, I'm not sure. There's a strong part of me that wants his only role to be high-skipping into the press box while barking with Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson walking calmly behind him.

This game may be the last chance Steve Spurrier has to prove he's still relevant. Otherwise he sinks to 1-7 in his last 8. It's also one of two early SEC East games (the other is Florida-UT) where every other SEC East fanbase needs to be rooting for the underdog to win so chaos rules in the SEC East.

1. Ohio State (-11.5) at USC- Too much has been said about this game already. And the most interesting question, hasn't even been answered. How much does USC have to beat Ohio State (sans Beanie) by to guarantee that Ohio State has no chance to play in the BCS title game? 30? 40? I'm interested in the number because I really have no idea.

We can all agree that college football’s preseason polls are just ways of making sure the bluebloods and behemoths get pretty numbers before their names and guaranteeing Ohio State and USC will be around at the end of the season, right?
So how the hell is the University of South Florida on the list? The Bulls didn’t start playing football, period, until 1997. Division I football started in 2001. They joined Conference USA in 2003; in 2005, they lucked into a slot in the Big East after the infamous ACC raid.

Put “USF Bulls blog” into Google. Not much there; in fact, I’d wager they’re the only ranked team in the Full of BS Subdivision without a good blog; that first result gives scant coverage.

And all the unknown school with the misplaced name (USF’s in Tampa; if that’s “South Florida,” I’m Janet Reno) did last year is crash the polls more spectacularly than any other team in recent memory. The fourth or fifth most-popular team in Florida, depending on who you ask (remember, George O’Leary is honesty-challenged), was, for one week, the second-ranked squad in the nation.

But that was a different team, one with All-American Mike Jenkins and ballhawk Trae Williams as ace corners who combined for nine interceptions in 2007; Jenkins had a kick return TD, too, and Williams had three pick-sixes.
This one will have to rely more on its offense. Faux-hawked Matt Grothe wasn’t anything but a dark horse candidate for Big East Player of the Year in August of last year; now, he can put “likely” before that title, he’s a Facebook demigod (4,998 friends!), and he’s got a decent shot at the Heisman Trophy if the Bulls should be national contenders late in the year.

Mike Ford’s a potential 1,200-yard back, and the receiving corps will be winning the lion’s share of Grothe’s jump balls, with nine players 6’2” or taller listed as wideouts on the roster. The line was solid last year except for a pathetic performance in Piscataway; seven sacks that night equaled the beginning of USF’s plunge from the polls.

All-American George Selvie was a terror coming around the corner in 2007, but he will have to have a great 2008 to cover up a secondary that’s bound to struggle without two NFL-quality corners. The rest of the defense comes into the year with little to no renown; then again, Selvie came to USF without much fanfare, and wasn’t a national name until a Freshman All-American campaign in 2006.

That’s something Jim Leavitt and his staff have excelled at, plucking gems from the scrap heaps of Florida with a tip jar budget and taking smart risks with other schools’ non-qualifiers. (Ask Nick Saban about that.) Leavitt could probably have left for any number of brand-name schools after the last two years, but he’s instead built a new BCS aspirant.

Really, if USF doesn’t regress this year, they should be national contenders late in the season. The schedule’s set up for them, with the Big East weak in terms of depth, Kansas, Pittsburgh, Rutgers and Connecticut all coming to Tampa, and no major road tests (Cincinnati’s tricky, but Ben Mauk’s appeal for a 19th year of eligibility got turned down) until the showdown in Morgantown against West F. Virginia in December. Plus, the Bulls have derailed the Pat White Experience the last two years, knocking the dynamo himself out of their 2007 showdown.

Grothe, who sometimes resembles a young, Lilliputian Brett Favre with his reckless, at times verging on stupid, style of play, will need to improve on his Favreian penchant for turnovers and bad throws; in USF’s four losses last year, he threw nine picks, and his completion percentage dipped under 60% each time.

USF fans would also appreciate kicker Delbert Alvarado being adopted by the Gramaticas or, at the very least, learning what the definition of “straight” is; his performance against Auburn last year, a nightmarish mélange of misses that would make a Florida State kicker cringe, followed by, of course, the field goal to send the game into overtime, defied explanation.

And Oregon’s a four-letter word among the faithful.

Yet: the Bulls enter the year ranked higher in the USA Today poll than Penn State, Michigan, Alabama and Notre Dame, and only the Fighting Tebows have a loftier number among in-state schools. Yet: there’s a decent chance that USF will find itself in a BCS bowl at year’s end.

And if things go awry, there’s also a decent chance that the tightly-wound Leavitt, who has no love for the media, will make Mike Gundy look like a nun before November.

As a Gators fan, I’m cheering for the latter.