Tested the brains of Spain with the corner kick, and despite its sweet intent of the centers, not the thing came out. Picó smart ball over the heads Yanquis (m. 21) and the goal was announced in limbo for over a misuse of Riera. Xavi proposed from a strewn with obstacles, but who arranged Altidore. His goal (m. 27) cracked the water line in Spain. The team is currently in the pinned Xavi, which claimed more weight in the party. Of his left foot twice, neither Torres or Villa advantage.

— Xavi became entangled in the web, ABC.es

For its part, in 'The New York Post' the news of the victory the U.S. shares the stage with devaneos lovers Lindsay Lohan.

— The 'soccer' comes into the U.S. headlines, El Mundo

MADRID .- Spain Everything is gone in Bloemfontein, 'fountain of flowers' in Dutch, the largest source of displeasure that recalls the European Champion, powerless in the most unexpected moment, a star on the wall of a perfect selection in U.S. defense, large style. Yes, Spain bitten the dust after 35 games invicta (2-0) and must conform to share their record with Brazil.

Nobody, not even the most ashen could predict a similar outcome, with a rival ranked carambola, which had only signs of life in Egypt before the last day. But is that the Americans signed the most of its history, with self-assurance of the elect. Bossy and poise to the top then the firm innkeepers in their area and a little luck of addition.

— United States overthrew the legend of Spain, El Mundo

Once again, football was not clear that anyone who respects their codes, which strictly does not meet its unwritten rules, it pays. Spaniards may complain of bad luck from the referee, a lawn in poor condition and even the icy cold, but no excuses worth. Although Iniesta is missing and the team came to South Africa to the limit, you can never lose a shock like that. Del Bosque, flawless so far, will begin to be questioned. The shadow Luis Aragones, the memory of the Championship, are now more present than ever.

— Surprise given the United States and Spain to APEA of Confederations Cup, ABC.es

Previously: El mejor Malestar En La Historia de los deportes (esta semana) [El Deadspin]

At this point, seeing a Spanish athlete in blackface just isn't that shocking. Sad, but totally par for the course. It's called the Cabalgata de los Reyes Magos, or Parade of the Three Wise Men, held all over Spain each Jan. 5 to celebrate the biblical trip to Bethlehem by Melchor, Gaspar and Baltasar. And Real Madrid star Sergio Ramos really gets into the act.

From The Spoiler:

As part of their continuing quest to maintain ambivalence towards overt racism in society, Real Madrid’s Sergio Ramos was invited to take part in the most recent Reyes Magos Eve procession, where he donned blackface, a turban and a pimp ring. Oh dear.

So Spain, what's wrong with you guys? Was it all the mid-20th Century fascism, or is it that your athletes are just nuts? Please get back to me.

Real Madrid Star Upholds Spain's Commitment To Racism [The Spoiler]

Of course Spain's recent history with the slant-eye gesture has been well-documented here, having started in Beijing, where the men's and women's hoops teams both got in on the act.

And suddenly it was everywhere on the Iberian Peninsula (sorry, Portugal, you're apparently innocent). The big surprise is that Europe looked at this and gave a large collective yawn. But then, Europe is weird.

In addition to insulting an entire race, Tevez may have gotten a coach fired on Wednesday. Nice combo.

Is Carlos Tevez Awakening Old Spanish Ghosts? [Machochip]
Carlos Tevez Hat-Trick Leaves Blackburn Manager Paul Ince On The Brink [Times Online]

Yes, Spain has a problem. First there was this. Then this. And now this thing with Hamilton ... things are so bad on the Iberian Peninsula that FIA this year launched an anti-racism campaign, after Spanish fans taunted Hamilton during testing in Spain. The web site also features a message board replete with racist taunts and threats against Hamilton. Here's the site, which seems to be down.

Formula One's governing body condemned the website, according to Brazilian media, saying that it is against any act of "discrimination and prejudice."

Hamilton enters the final race of the year with a chance to win his first title and become F1's youngest champion at age 23. He has a seven-point advantage over Ferrari's Brazilian driver Felipe Massa, and can win the championship by finishing fifth or better on Sunday.

Deuce of Davenport has a better closeup of the screen capture. This differs slightly from the video game I invented, in which you guide the 15th century Spanish armada across the Atlantic toward England, and immediately sink it with a small storm.

Motorsport: Racists Target Hamilton On Website [NZ Herald]

UEFA, the sport’s European governing body, levied its heaviest punishment to date in banning Atletico Madrid from playing at the Vicente Calderon Stadium because of the club’s fans’ racist actions during last month’s match between Atletico and Marseille, of France’s Ligue 1. Monkey chants were aimed at Marseille’s black players, insults were directed toward black journalists inside the press box and the team bus was attacked by Madrid supporters following the match. Atletico Madrid’s coach Javier Aguirre also received a two-game ban for repeatedly swearing at Marseille midfielder Mathieu Valbuena, calling him a “son of a whore.”

The Spanish club was fined 150,000 euros and will have to play games against Liverpool (Oct. 22) and PSV Eindhoven (Nov. 26) at least 300 kilometers outside of Madrid.

Unruly soccer fan behavior is nothing new; it wouldn't be the same sport without a few smoke bombs going off in the stands, and the destruction of an ambulance or three. But this is the first I've ever heard of a sport's governing body levying sanctions specifically due to racism. That's amazing; a damning indictment of a team's suuporters, a region, heck, an entire culture. Kudos to the UEFA for taking a stand; one reason that they call soccer the beautiful game, I suppose.

I just got back from seeing The Express, so as an American I'm not throwing stones. But last I checked, this is the 21st Century. It is, isn't it?

The photo above, by the way, shows Spanish F1 Formula fans mocking driver Lewis Hamilton, who is black, at a race this past February. Jesus. A thing like that makes you long for the enlightened tolerance of the NASCAR circuit.

Atletico Madrid's Home-Game Ban By Uefa For Fans' Racism Causes Uproar In Spain [The Guardian]
The Inquisition, What A Show (Take 2) [Rumors & Rants]

“We would’ve been already thrown out of the Olympics,” he told Yahoo! Sports. “At least, we wouldn’t have been able to come back to the U.S. …There would be suspensions.”

And for his European peers, well, Kidd suggested, “They won’t do anything to them. It’s a double standard.”

Think Jason Kidd is the only person associated with the NBA who believes there's a two-tier system at work here? Well, at least one NBA GM agrees. “The simple question is, ‘Would Stern and the league hold the American players accountable?’ And I think the answer to that is yes...So why wouldn’t he hold the ‘other’ NBA players accountable – unless the rules only apply to the American players.”

Because in David Stern's globalized NBA it's not just Americans who his players have to avoid offending.

Spanish news site, Soitu's article suggests that the international media are making too big of a deal of the "slit-eye" photo. Their article commences: "What began as a simple graceful photo to wish luck to the Spanish basketball team in the Olympic Games has finished with accusations of racism and discrimination in the foreign press."

Yes, of course, a simple, graceful photo.

The fact that this photo exists isn't a huge surprise. Basketball players aren't renowned for their worldly perspective. What's unique about this photograph is that it ran in two of Spain's biggest newspapers. As an advertisement for a courier service, no less. And not one single person in Spain thought it was the least bit offensive. Only when other countries saw the photograph did it become an issue. Put it this way, what would have happened in America if the U.S. Basketball team posed for these photos on behalf of Fed Ex? Yeah, thought so. The Spanish press doesn't think these photos are a big deal, but the rest of the world disagrees.

¿Te parece ofensiva esta foto? [Soitu]
Spain basketball team add victory to insult against China [The Guardian]

Spain, patron saint of the New World, land of low-priced cerveza, Sergio Garcia's homeland, and where slant-eyed jokes by the Spanish national basketball team leave the entire country rolling on the floor with laughter. Those were the fourth grade days. Just imagine what would have happened if they'd followed up this team photo with bunny ears behind every player's head.

The above photo was actually included in a Spanish newspaper according to The Guardian: "Spain's Basketball Federation has published a good luck advert for their men's team, the world champions, in which they stand pulling at the sides of their eyes in a slit-eyed gesture."

The Spoiler reports that this photo ran on a full page in the Spanish sports daily, Marca. Yep, this ad ran in Spain and not a single person had an issue with it.

Wait, is it slit-eye or slant-eye? I've always gone with slant-eye. Am I wrong? Regardless this will really help Spain's quest to host the Olympics in 2016 and 2020.

Spain basketball team pictured in controversial pose [The Guardian]
Spain brings racism to the Olympic games [The Spoiler]

After 44 years, Espana picks up their second Euro title and, for now, sheds their underachieving reputation. And it was a dominant run by the Spanish, not losing a game in the tournament and dispatching a tough Germany team in the final without the services of their best player.

What was expected to be a pretty wide open game proved to conclusively owned by Spain. The Germans had few real chances on goal and this could've easily been far more lop-sided than it was.

Fernando Torres is owning shit so far and Spain could be running away with this thing if Torres' first big opportunity didn't go off the goalpost. Jens Lehmann looks overmatched, which is a shocker, and right now Germany's best chances are coming on ticky tack free kicks.

The majority of the first half was pretty sluggish but things have started to pick up. If Germany wants to do anything, it'll stay that way. YES, I KNOW THEY'RE COMPOSED! THEY'RE GERMANS!

• WHAT'S THAT ON ABC'S THE OUTSIDERS? PEOPLE TREATING MONKEYS AS CHILDREN!? Rise, fellow simians, rise!
• Whew. Excuse me there.
• Germans making a good-faith effort to advance the ball at the opening of the half, but Spain maintaining good containment on passing lanes.
• Silva might just want to leave the shooting to Torres.
• Best chance for the Germans so far in the 60th minutes goes wide. And Angela Merkel could use a George W. Bush backrub.
• And Silva comes out at the 66th minute. 'bout time.
• Casillas punches a shot off to somewhere near Madrid.
• Somehow Torres gets a yellow card for colliding on a header. The officiating in this game is horrible.
• That's a big whiff by Marcos Senna right there. However, we've down to the final 10 minutes and the German's aren't coming out with much in the way of a response.
• 
  

So join me, won't you, for some uninformed commentary as the Uefa title is decided in Vienna in a former World War II prison. Fun!

• Julie Foudy continues to make me regret getting an HD TV.
  
• Big T-shirt bad sandwich covers for some shuffling people symbolizing something. A lot of drugs preparation went into this intro.
• Hey, Enrique Iglesias. Apparently Europe is at the pop culture equivalent of 1999 in America. Good to know.
• A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK! THEY'RE GONNA RIP IT OFF...
• Kent Brockman on Spain early on: "Halfback passes to center. Center passes to wing, back to center. Center holds it. Holds it. [Sighs] Holds it."
• Germany getting some good early pressure. Klose has set up some opportunities but no great shots as of yet.
• Yikes. Nearly an own-goal by Germany on the best chance from Spain of either team thus far.
• Spain finally applying some consistent pressure at the 20-minute mark. Torres knocks a header over the goal on a corner.
• Ouf. Torres comes back with a great header two minutes later that caroms off the goalpost.
• And Torres scares the bejesus out of the German keeper, who has to boot it out to avoid getting stripped.
• "Torres has the Midas touch and it's a Spanish treasure!" Torres has been shredding the German defense as he bulled his way past, well, everyone. 1-0 Spain
• Spain comes right back with another great chance but Silva launches a cross pass way over the goal.
• Ballack is bloodied, possibly bowed.
• First half winding down. And Spain has taken control after a few timid charges by the Germans early on. Second half post coming up in a few.

Spanish competitors hug, hum or gaze mutely at the sky while their national anthem, known as the Royal March, is played, leaving them at a disadvantage compared to other sporting nations whose anthems have lyrics. Following a suggestion by the Spanish Olympic Committee, the conservative opposition on Monday said it would present a bill calling for a committee to provide lyrics in three months.

So there isn't much time! To get the ball rolling, we've composed a wonderful set of lyrics, which we shall submit after we get the coffee stains out. Click on the music to the Spanish National Anthem here, and sing along. King Juan Carlos I, you're welcome!

A country that is found right there in southern Europe
Hail to Spain, a land so free
Leading exports are fruit, wine, flamenco dancing
Rafael Nadal, we hail to thee

When they drew up the map of what's known as the Iberian Peninsula
Port-u-gal got a small piece of the pie
I see you have six fingers, my name is Inigo Montoya
You killed my father, now prepare to die

(Short interlude for napping)

(Repeat)

Anthem To Get Words So Sportsmen Can Sing [Reuters]
National Anthem Of Spain [The Tropics]

Ah, those were the days, mes amis footballeurs, and for one brief glorious moment (actually, seven memorable minutes), Les Bleus reached across the years and conjured up the cunning and ebullience that made them World Champions in 1998 and Kings of Europe in 2000.
Imagine the odds you could have gotten if you had turned to the guy in the seat next to you, just before kickoff, and said something like, "I know Spain has been on a roll, playing some of the most stylish and exciting soccer of the tournament, and that they're young and fast, and that France barely scraped into the second round, and that they're old and bald and hate their coach, and that Zidane is a sad shadow of his once great self, and Vieira hasn't been the same since he left Arsenal, and that Barthez hasn't been the same since all those supermodels figured out that without a World Cup medal around his neck he was just another ugly Frenchman ... I still like Les Bleus to beat La Furia Roja. Wanna bet?" And then just to make sure your seatmate thought you were totally insane, you add "And not only are they going to beat Spain, they are going to do it without Thierry Henry scoring."

OK, I'll admit it. I've been pimping for France since '98 — what with several of their stars playing their club ball for a certain North London team — but even a homer like me never imagined what transpired yesterday in Hanover. After all, not only had the French struggled to qualify for the World Cup after going winless and scoreless in 2002, they had descended into turmoil since arriving in Germany with many of their players in open revolt against their eccentric, astrology-loving coach Raymond Domantech. The stars had particularly not aligned for Zidane, who had been lured out of international retirement for one last World Cup hurrah and had looked slow and unhappy since the tournament began.

But you don't become the three-time World Player of the Year unless you possess the kind of preternatural football gifts that transcend age and reason. So yesterday Spain and the rest of the world got to see the Zidane of old rather than an old Zidane. From the 5th minute on, when he sent in the first of his in-swinging corners that had Spain scrambling to clear, Zizou stamped his authority on the match. Every French attack — from the slashing runs of Ribery that led to the first French goal to his venomously swerving free kick that deflected off a Spanish defender's head for Vieira to nod home the second — flowed from Zidane. And yet, as clever and perfectly weighted as his passes were, it was a piece of individual brilliance in stoppage time that will linger in memory alongside his gravity-defying volley in the 2005 Champions League final.

After Vieira (come back, Patrick, all is forgiven) dug out the ball with one of his shuddering tackles, Zidane took off up the left flank, his 34 year old legs betraying none of the exhaustion and wear of 90 will-sapping minutes. Receiving a pass at the edge of the box, he dipped his shoulder to avoid the onrushing Spanish defender and shuffled the ball from his left to his right foot. As he cocked his leg to shoot, the Spanish keeper Casillas guessed right — when the correct answer was left — and France had a quarterfinal date with Brazil.

Soccer historians (both of us ) will note that the last time those two soccer superpowers met in the World Cup, Zidane scored two goals with his head to give Les Bleus a shocking victory. Of course that was eight years ago, and France is older, balder and no longer playing in front of millions of their foie-gras eating surrender monkeys. But with the Brazilians, even after dispatching Ghana 3-0 yesterday, still not bringing their A game, it is tempting to think that Zizou could pull off one more miracle before retiring to the Riviera.

Over the hill? Mon derriere!

Anyway, it's Spain vs. France, in the final quarterfinals matchup and last World Cup game until Friday. (Whew.) Group G has already lost Switzerland; will France be the next to go?

Your live-blogger is Martha Fischer, from the exemplary movie blog Cinematical. (We're hoping by having her live blog here, we'll be able to talk her into letting us review the new Woody Allen movie for her site.) Play with us in the comments, and see how Flamenco does against Joe.

————————————————————————-
Thanks for reading/watching with me folks — East Coasters, it's happy hour time! The rest of you? Back to work! And go see Once in a Lifetime.

And there it is — France 3, Spain 1. That second half was impressive enough to make everyone suddenly eager for a Brazil-France matchup. Wow, what a freaking goal by France at the end. Oh yeah — so that's what they used to do.

Stoppage time: We're seconds from the whistle now.

Stoppage time: OH MY LOVELY ZIZOU! GOOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!! Now that was fucking gorgeous football, like France of 1998. Jesus. Ball picked up farside by Makelele (?), played to Wiltord in the middle, one touch out wide to Zidane who is in alone. He slows down, cuts inside to beat Puyol, and slots it home between Casillas and the on-rushing Spanish defender. Gor. Fucking. Geous.

Stoppage time: Zidane randomly gets a card for pretty much no reason, but it's near midfield so the kick is harmless. 2 minutes. Long Spanish passes headed back out; France looks strong at the back.

90th minute: Ball being knocked back and forth in the midfield; no one can get possession, so Barthez just kicks it out of bounds. It's nice how some things never change. Long pass in by Spain, but Luis Garcias smacks Thuram on the way out, and it's a French kick out. Spain need to get upfield now; 2:30 left in stoppage time.

89th minute: Spanish corner headed out by Zidane; here comes another. That one went deep and was headed back in by Torres. Barthez, for once, was brave in a non-stupid way and got both the ball and fouled; France coming out.

88th minute: Wiltord for Henry. Spanish free kick from straight on, punched 80 miles by Barthez. Spain keep it and are putting a hell of a lot of pressure on France, who look frantic right now.

87th minute: Not much time left for Spain now. Apart from Gallas' emergency balls treatment, there's not going to be much stoppage time. Yellow card to Ribery for time-wasting.

85th minute: Dangerous-ass cross from Joaquin from the far side, headed out for a Spanish corner that comes to nothing. Jesus this is stressful, and I don't even care who wins.

84th minute: It actually went off Ramos' thigh — he was flying over the deflect it out and it went off him into the side netting (the inside, this time). Certainly not an own goal, though — that was all Vieira.

84th minute: GOOOOOAAAAAAALLL!!!!! GOAL GOAL GOAL! Off the dubious free kick won by Henry's acting! Zidane lifts it up nicely, laying it into the box from about 40 yards out on the near side. The first touch knocked it up, and it fell to Vieria on the far side post, who headed it right into the goal. GOAL GOAL GOAL! His teammate then dive on him and try to crush him to death. And we see a French fan in a pink bunny suit.

82nd minute: Freaking wow. Ribery sneaks the ball off the Spanish foot and plays it into space on the right for Henry, who runs his legs off to get close enough to Puyol to act like he got elbowed in the nose, thus winning a free kick and a card for Puyol. I love Ribery, rat-like though he may be.

81st minute: Another freaking piece of brilliance by Ribery. He beats two men and then lays it off to Govou for a shot (which goes over).

80th minute: Joaquin cuts it back to his right foot on the far side and rips a shot into the side netting. The outside of it, I mean. Ouch. Gallas took a ripped shot RIGHT off the balls. He's being strapped to the stretcher, guys. I think they might have been pushed back inside by the force of that shot.

77th minute: Sagnol kicks a Spaniard with much cynical glee; Spain free kick on the nearside, albeit from about 50 yards out. Damn, Alonso whipped that in — Barthez, you know they're testing your ass. Cleared out for a Spanish corner. Again with the flapping by Barthez, he's on the ground, but the ball is somehow cleared out. It ends up at Spain's feet, though. Sergio Ramos pulls a serious dive, and is actually NOT rewarded with a free kick. Go Italy!

75th minute: Govou for Malouda for France. Aragones still whining about that non-foul on Torres. Perhaps there's a misunderstanding, and he's trying to tell Torres to dive better.

75th minute: Italy just went over and told Aragones to shutthefuckup, albeit not in those words. No lie. They actually made him sit down. Ha ha.

73rd minute: Makelele just dribbled away from Torres who, virtually untouched, falls down, clutching his nose. Where has that guy been all game, anyway? Quit your whining and play, Mr. Spikey Hair.

72nd minute: Spain makes their final change, subbing Senna for Xavi. No Reyes for me. Sniff.

71st minute: Better from Spain. They're keeping it, albeit entirely in their own end. Finally it's knocked long, which results in a throw-in. Whoa. Given away to Malouda who's off, flying down the right side of the field with Henry making a run in the middle for him. There's a nice trailing run from someone — Vieria? — but the ball is played waaaaay too late, and Casillas heads it out. Still France's ball.

69th minute: Henry is in his deck chair, just hanging out offside. JP informs us that's his 402th offense of the tournament.

68th minute: Vieria Vieria Veiria whacks Febregas and gets the game's first card. That's more like it, Patrick. Luis Garcis gets his head on a cross and knocks it down; the dangrous bounce is "deflected over the bar" for a corner. (It should be a goal kick out.) GREAT, spot-bound corner from Xavi, Barthez flops at it, but someone else clears the danger.

67th minute: Steal by Abidal; another good sustained attack by France, ended by a giveaway — but Makelele won it right back. France are now pushed much further up, pressuring the ball at midfield, with their backs also stepping way up the field. Everything about them is attack-minded and confident. Be afraid, Spain. Be very afraid.

64th minute: This is really good from France. They're trapping out wide, and Spain's midfielders never have clear looks, or the space they need to find feet. Most of the French counter attacks now lead to shots (albeit optimistic ones); they're not longer just lumping it for Henry.

63rd minute: France are getting tougher and more confident by the minute; it feels like Spain needs a goal soon, or they're just not going to get another one.

62nd minute: Sergio Ramos maybe lucky not to get a card there; Zidane's corner is headed for Henry at the top of the box, but it's deflected away. No worries, though, here comes another one. That's better — whipped in by Zidane, punched away pretty confidently by Casillas, but the pace on that one alone made it dangerous.

61st minute: France are pressuring Spain more now; it's much harder for them to keep possession, and the passes are harder to find. Could the ancient French be shaking off a bit of rust?

58th minute: Uh oh, it's getting testy. A Spanish player went down easily, and no foul was called; seconds later France got a call, which resulted in much rueful finger-wagging on the part of the Spaniards. OHH Ribery just effortlessly turned the corner on Pernia and his cross was just barely deflected out. I don't know about you people, but I'm very impressed by this Ribery fellow, 8-Miler though he is.

57th minute: Here come Spain again, foiled by a dodgy offside call by the far official. Aragones is trying to remember the Spanish for "Greasy-haired, sister-buggering linesman."

56th minute: Harkes to Zidane: "Fill me with your little babies!" (Points and much respect to anyone who gets the movie reference.)

55th minute: Whoa. Pernia just had a Red Bull, he's all over the place, shooting from everywhere and launching himself through the air at assorted frightened Frenchmen. Eventually Italy regains control; French kick coming out.

54th minute: Joaquin for David Villa; Luis Garcia for Raul.

53rd minute: Now it's Spain's turn to scramble, France has it deep and Spain is unsettled, but they clear it all the way out and eventually get it to Barthez, which is always always good for the opposition. He kicks it out.

52nd minute: I have no idea how that wasn't off, but Zidane just chipped it over the top to Malouda who timed his run perfectly and sort of lobbed it from the top of the box towards goal; Casillas dove and tipped it away. Spain countered right away but got nothing.

49th minute: Spain's had the better of the play for the first 5 minutes here, keeping it well. When France breaks up their possession, it tends to be with clearing balls rather than passes. And, just as I type that, France put together an attack down the near side, but Henry ends up giving it away harmlessly.

49th minute: I love Puyol's hair. Put that guy in a 1970s keeper jersey, and he's a sitcom all by himself.

48th minute: Now it's Pablo's turn to lie on the ground. Though he's not Italian either, he's pretending. A cleated foot came near his side and he decided to take a little rest because of it.

47th minute: Henry, offside again. In other news, the Pope is Catholic.

46th minute: Doesn't look like there were any changes to either team. Makelele was just surrounded by 3 Spanish players and managed to commit a foul. That right there is a badass, my friends. Plus, he has the best name in creation — say it with me. "Makelele."

Finally: Game time. Hey, racist turd — I want my Reyes. Please.

So, do Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp finally confess their love in the new POTC movie? Is gay love what's in the Dead Man's Chest?

I suck at this halftime entertainment thing — and today I don't even have Julie Foudy to make fun of. Perhaps I'll take this time to talk about the rest of the tournament: I would like to say that the Portugal-Holland game was the most horrific, awful, awesome thing I've ever seen. I became a Portugal fan when I was over there for the Euros in 2004, and during that whole second half I couldn't decide if I wanted to shoot myself at the horror of the cynicism on display or kiss them all for being so heroic. Well, that's not true. I always want to kiss Figo, but that's my own issue and has nothing to do with the game.

Also, England are going to start playing, and I fear it will be against Portugal. Of course, if that means we get another classic that ends in sudden death PKs, I suppose I'll be ok with that.

Here it is, the Skinny Ronaldo ad! Check out the quickness in the Inter shot — goddamn. Who is that guy?

And the misspelling "Vieria"? Totally intentional, silver lining. We got a memo. For you, though, I'll disobey and try to get it "right" for the whole second half.

AND Half. Well, that was exciting. France seem to have decided to play, at least a little bit. If by "play" you mean "emulate England and blast the ball long, looking for that one dude up top who is getting more and more angry at our inability to get the ball to his feet."

45th minute: Well, that woke the game up. It's end-to-end now, with France still blasting everything long, looking for Henry and Spain keeping busy around the French box, but rarely threatening.

42nd minute: Weak penalty call from Spain. Stop that nonsense whistling.

42nd minute: Wow, this is Ribery's seventh game ever for France? Jesus. He can't possibly always be this good.

41st minute: GOOOOAAAAALLL FRANCE! Guess who: Ribery, in alone beats Casillas and then slots it between the keeper and the two trailing defenders. Off a great ball from Viera (there he is!) who ignored the wildly offside Henry and played it back to his right for Ribery. Mmm ... passive offside.

40th minute: Another good build-up from Spain. When they attack, it's always with numbers. France, meanwhile, are consistently hitting it long, expecting Henry to a)stay on, b)get the ball, and c)go 1 on many to score. There's no support and no build-up.

38th minute: Zidane bends the kick in nicely, but no one can get a head to it and Casillas grabs it with no problem. France win it right back but the long ball fails, since Henry is like a full yard offside. Harkes reminds us that he's a "world class player." You don't say.

37th minute: Every time France give it away, Spain come flying back into their teeth. I know it's just a style thing and all, but damn France look old. Ooooh dirty. Zidane just kicked Xabi Alonso well after the play and put his hands up so no one would notice. Dude, even Italy saw. Don't try to fool the foolers. No card, though, because he's French. And then Viera dives, and gets a free kick in a dangerous spot, 40 yards out on the near side.

36th minute: If Spain's back four slip even for a second, it won't matter how much control they have, because Henry will be in alone — he was just offside for about the 10th time. Actually, wait. I'm talking about Henry. Ok, if the back four slip for a second, like, five times, they might be in trouble.

34th minute: Great. Now that Ronaldo is scoring, we're talking about the fact that the poor fatty has a sinus infection. He's a hero, not a slug. Get it right, people — didn't you get the memo?

33rd minute: Viera sighting! He touched the ball! Granted, he almost gave it away, but still. Baby steps. Pernia is pretending to be hurt. He's fine. I'd like all of you to notice that he's NOT Italian, and yet is still lying on the ground. Other people do it too, you know.

31st minute: Another Spanish corner. The clearance falls right to Fabregas, but he takes too long and ends up dribbling it at Barthez.

30th minute: Here's a surprise: JP is telling us that teams that score first have won more games in this World Cup. You don't say! Now, where have a I heard that before .... ?

30th minute: HA! Literally 4 French players were just offside. Oops.

28th minute: David Villa to the spot. JP informs us that Spain has "never missed a World Cup Spain." Thanks, JP. He hits it hard and low to Barthez's right and GOOOOAAAAL! It sounded like Barthez got a piece of it, but it wasn't enough. 1-0 Spain, and you can't say it's not deserved. Or rather you can, but I won't.

27th minute: And as soon as I say France is better, Spain get a corner. OOOH PENALTY. PENALTY PENALTY PENALTY. Zidane is calmly talking to Italy, quite sure that his fame and composure will change the man's mind. Dream on, Zizou. Without the replay, it looks like a reasonable call — a push in Pablo's back by Thuram with his left shoulder when the former is going after the ball. I dunno. It's the sort of thing that makes sense when it's your team that goes to the spot, but an outrage when it goes against you.

25th minute: Much better from France. More possession, more sustained attack; Ribery is very involved all of a sudden from the right, both with crosses and a little creative play, trying to free people up. He looks like a street kid from Detroit. Props to pale white guys.

23rd minute: Oh my GOD. Zidane dumps to the far corner for Henry, who crosses it back into the paths of not one but two French players. The first, Ribery, doesn't even try at it. Then Viera wandered in and fell rather than poking it into the goal. If France lose 1-0, it's their fault.

22nd minute: Has anyone seen Viera today? I don't think I've heard his name mentioned once. Where the hell did he go? Oh there he was, he just ran by a Spanish player. What up, Patrick? What, you're busy? Please. Kick someone's ass, then I'll believe you're busy.

21th minute: Zidane has a nice tan. Summer agrees with him.

20th minute: Spain are really untroubled by France in the midfield, but the Frenchies are still strong at the back — any deep attacks are easily denied.

17th minute: Nice almost-attack by France — long ball from Zidane nearly freed Henry on the dead run, but Puyol got a piece of his Go Go Gadget hair in the way to break it up.

15th minute: Another corner for France, despite a sort of half hazard attack. Harmlessly played in by Zidane, right on the near post and played out easily to Barthez, who is out tending to the pitch and has totally abandoned his goal. Aren't crazy people fun?

16th minute: Through ball from Raul that finds lots of space. Unfortunately, no one who isn't a bald French man named Fabien is in the area.

15th minute: Spain are looking much stronger right now, they're starting to take control of the game. They're not completing that last pass yet, but France can't get the ball, and when they do they give it right back to someone in red.

14th minute: And the drooling over Zidane has begun. John, do you understand that your praise only makes us hate a man we used to love? Nice individual work on the right by Sagnol, only to keep it too long and give it back.

14th minute: Oh Jesus, Harkes is speaking French. Shoot me now.

12th minute: Tame shot by Henry from the top of the box. And we wonder, will he bottle it in yet another big game? Pressure = Henry shooting it over from 5 yards.

10th minute: Not a lot of build-up. Both teams keep it in their own end, but can't put together sustained attacks; it's pretty even so far, no one has a good rhythm yet. Dammit.

9th minute: Wow. Nice free kick from Parnia that just missed the upper left of the goal from about 25-30 yards out. Barthez had no chance, but it missed by about a foot.

8th minute: A corner for real, this time. Pretty good ball from Zidane, but close to the goal and Casillas gets a paw on it while kneeing several French players in sensitive parts. Because he's a keeper, Italy says he was fouled.

6th minute: Zidane is wearing hideous shoes. Zizou, brilliant talent can only excuse so much. Uh huh. And the first thing those shoes cost him is a corner for France — Mr. Italy used that thing taped to the side of his head to learn that the ball had, in fact, been handled by the French. And we go the other way.

5th minute: Ooh. Nice long ball by Xavi, looking for Raul's head (huh huh). Barthez came for it and won the ball without screwing up even a little, which was disappointing. France turned around and did the same thing, winning a corner.

3rd minute: So far, Henry is "defending" by standing near Spanish players with his hands up. His first effort led to a nice break for Spain, though they managed to go offside. Good start, Thierry.

2nd minute: The referee is Italian. Insert nasty remark about greasy-haired divers here. You're all just jealous you're not as pretty as Totti, and you know it.

1st minute: Harkes, in his infinite wisdom, has announced that this game will be more creative than the Ukraine-Switzerland snoozefest last night. Thanks, dickhead.

Right. Game at hand.

So, the scuttlebutt leading up to this match was that French manager (and evil evil Zizou hater) Raymond Domenech was refusing to name his lineup ahead of time because Zidane wasn't in it, and he didn't want to hear the whining of a nation for any longer than necessary. Happily, though, it was all a big lie, and the man will get to start what is likely to be his last game in a France shirt (unless national teams have old-timer's days, or France starts playing). Of course, Zidane's presence only means that JP and Harkes will spend 58% of the game's 90 minutes praising him to the stars based on how he played in 2000. (Who is it, exactly, who tracks down videotape for the guys who are broadcasting these games? Because clearly none of them have seen a game played in the last, oh, four years or so. And it's surely not helping them to have that new Jonga Bonita When Ronaldo Was Skinny ad running. I promise you that JP is now irreparably confused.)

In other news, Spain are the new Brazil, only with two-word names and without the Portuguese. And with a balding all-time scoring leader rather than a fat one. Additionally, French defender Eric Abidal (like Zidane, back from a two-yellow suspension) compared the game to war several times during the build-up. Expect those quotes to be used as evidence of aggression when we invade France.

Also, where the hell is Reyes? Damn you, Aragones. it's because he's black, isn't it? Oh, wait.

A few things, before we really get started:

1)Wait a minute. I'm not just doing this because of my vast soccer knowledge and grace under pressure? You want something from me, Will? Well I never.

2)If anyone can hurt John Harkes badly enough between to keep him from talking between now and the start of the game, large payments can be arranged.

3)Forza Italia, haters.

4)You guys asked in the comments about summer movies last time, but I was in too much of a typing/Reyes frenzy to properly reply. Now that I have a few unfrenzied minutes, I will tell you: All of you should go see Once in a Lifetime, about the New York Cosmos. It's easily the best soccer movie ever made, and is also now one of my favorite movies of all time (right up there with obscure French films) Seriously, it's magic. Plus, you get to see Shep Messing's wang AND see Giorgio Chinaglia, before he was a Tony Soprano look-alike bantering with the loathsome Eric Wynalda. Really, what could be better? It opens July 6 in NYC and later in other, soccer-friendly cities across the country. And no, sadly, they're not paying me for this.

But still: It's Spain vs. Saudi Arabia, your other Friday morning matchup. We found little in common between these teams, or their countries, so we're not going to try to stretch a metaphor here.

The beautiful music that is live-blogging is going to come from the ravishing Martha Fischer, one of the top bloggers at Cinematical, an excellent comprehensive movie blog. She's ready to rock, so join her in the comments, and let's light this candle.

——————-
So, that's it. Spain take a half off and still easily beat KSA. They win the group and go through with the lovely Sheva and his Ukrainian teammates. Though KSA leaves with basically nothing, if there's any justice in the world, Mohammed Noor will be given an oil field or 4 when he gets home.

Sorry, readers, not even KSA will distract you any more. If you're on the east coast, lunch break! If not, back to work. Oh, and Prairie Home Companion? Not so much with the worth seeing. Mostly just really disappointing, because it could have been so much better.

Extra time: How on earth has the official gotten 3 minutes of extra time out of this half? Has he lost his whistle? The fans are whistling about the added time, though it's unclear (again) if they're disgusted Spaniards or merciful KSA supporters. Aaaand there's the whistle. Thanks for playing, KSA. Have a good flight home.

Extra time: Here comes Noor, bitches. OH! Al Temyat hits a nice crossing ball from the corner of the box; it's just beyond the reach of the magnificent Noor. That dude has not stopped running for a second, nor is he pausing pout like, say, Nedved likes to do, to make sure we all know just how hard he's trying.

90th minute: Another corner for Spain. Someone is hugging David Villa in the box. So much touching.

89th minute: Noor (who else) takes the ball the Spanish end line and lays it back perfectly for al Harthi, who thanks him by shooting the ball straight up. Noor has every right to mercilessly beat each of his teammates when the game ends. He rocks.

88th minute: Blah blah singing passing blah.

85th minute: The game has deteriorated into a hideous mess. Spain is fouling a lot because they can't be bothered to play, and KSA can't ever do enough with possession to actually threaten goal. Torres gets his shirt pulled in the box, and no one cares, not even him. He's thinking about his hair, and the ladies. Ladies love the giant, semi-dyed mohawk, don't you know.

84th minute: Foul by Noor. Is there an award for busiest player of the tournament?

82nd minute: Dangerous free kick from Massad's foul. It's one of those scary, untouched free kicks that turns into fairly impressive save because the keep is waiting for it to be redirected. Blondie slid over the endline making the save, but he's saved from giving up a corner by a phantom foul somewhere.

81st minute: As punishment for the crummy free kick, Sulimani is taken off and replaced by Massad, who instantly wins a free kick by jumping up the air and screaming when a Spaniard entered his airspace. Well done, sir.

80th minute: Oh for god's sake. Sulimani pounds it well-over the goal. Would you people make blondie make a save, please?

79th minute: I'll give you one guess who drove that last KSA attack. It's all-Noor, all the time around here. And, if it's possible for a team so much better than its opponents to humiliate themselves, Spain are doing a pretty good job of it. The last KSA attack was 2 on 8, and they won a dangerous free kick. Oh boy! Spanish keeper in action! He's telling them what to do with the wall and is being completely ignored. Excellent.

77th minute: Wow, the Spanish fans are seriously pissed. The whistles of disgust are nearly deafening. Well, now the Saudis are whistling too to protest a non-call on a "penalty," so it's hard to tell who is more angry. Just to be contrary, the announcers are saying that al Temyat's card for diving was undeserved. I have no opinion on the matter, because I've ceased to care.

72nd minute: Noor seems to have replicated himself at halftime: He's making every useful midfield touch by the KSA, as well as 90% of the tackles. Why, I may just cast my text message man of the match vote for him, because I want Julie Foudy to know what I think.

71st minute: And, in this game, KSA have their second and third corners, neither of which results in a shot, though the second was somewhat threatening.

71st minute: Sheva! Goal for Ukraine. Awesome.

70th minute: The bad news is that Reyes is off. The good news is that Tores and his mental patient-style haircut has come on to replace him. You've got to give him some points for taking his sartorial tips from Guti.

69th minute: Sulmani runs into a nice through ball from the midfield and hits a good shot at Canizares who flops helpessly but manages to get a fingertip on the ball. Corner #1 for KSA. They do nothing with it.

68th minute: Aw, Al Jaber just came off, mostly likely ending his World Cup career. He did score that one exciting goal against Tunisia, at least he has that to take home.

66th minute: Ah, it's Xavi. And Fabregas escapes the game cardless. Rob Stone is upset he was un-titillated by the lad. Rob, keep your personal life to yourself, please.

65th minute: Wow, even the Spanish fans are bored. If I'm not mistaken, they're wearing those sunglasses to disguise the fact that they're sleeping. Oh, here comes a sub! I can't tell who it is yet, but the racist Spanish coach is busy firing him up with all sorts of anti-Muslim slurs; he'll be on in a minute.

65th minute: You know what ad I really like? The Vonage one with the guy in the lobster suit. I feel no need to get Vonage, but does anyone know where I can get me one of them lobster costumes? Those things are hilarious.

62nd minute: KSA period of threat over. Spain are playing a game of "How Many Passes in a Row Around the Other Team's Box." The total at 45, they take pity and shoot.

60th minute: And, right on cue, he tries to settle a backpass and has it bounce 6 feet away. Canizares, you complete me.

59th minute: I want to see more of Canizares, the ancient Spanish keeper. His peroxided mullet combined with his knee pads and utter inability to settle the ball are making him my favorite clown of the tournament. David Beckham, you've been superseded.

59th minute: The announcers are trying to instill drama in the game by talking about defensive carelessness and pretending that giving up a goal will make any difference at all. To anyone.

57th minute: Whoa — the hideously-coiffed Spanish keeper just had to make a save off a reasonably threatening shot from long range. KSA have spent more time in the attacking half in the past 10 minutes than they did the entire first half. If I cared, I'd say something like "Get in, KSA!"

55th minute: Shit. KSA's decision to put together a coherent attack coincided with a)my unwise decision to accidentally unplug my airport, and b)My computer's decision to shut down due to low power, sending me scrambling for a power source. So I have no idea what happened, but it's still 1-0.

51st minute: KSA really want to attack, but whenever they try to throw numbers forward, they give the ball away and end up exhibiting more desperation than ... people who are really desperate. Uh oh, KSA keeper down. If Zaid goes out, they'll lose the player who has had the most touches today. Noor can't do it all himself, people!

50th minute: Oooooh David Villa (it's a little-known fact that Bob's his uncle) in alone wide, plays it back to Lopez who rips it low; well-saved by the keeper, leading to corner #29 for Spain.

48th minute: More of the same. Really, this is gorgeous football. KSA are standing in for cones, and Spain are just knocking the ball around at will. At the risk of sounding like a posing announcer, their interplay around the box is really wonderful.

47th minute: Whoa, for a second there I thought KSA were attacking. Forgot about that whole changing-ends thing.

46th minute: David Villa will come on for Raul, since they were both supposed to play just a half. It's offical: Soul Patch (or dirty lower-lip) for Bushy Hair.

In non-KSA-Spain news (thank god), the Portugal-Holland game on Monday should be fantastic. Two years ago in the Euros the Portuguese totally humiliated the whining Dutch (it was only bald colossus Jaap Stam that kept the score from being about 6-0) on their way to a second-place finish in the tournament. Actually, the game was sort of like this one — Portugal were that dominating. Really. Of course, if you ask Ruud van Horseface, the loss was entirely due to the officials. Freaking pussy.

Score in reality: 1-0. Score, in practical terms: 7045-0. Spain are toying with KSA, and there's nothing the Saudis can do about it. It actual makes me sad when I stop watching the pretty passing and look instead at the exhausted KSA players running their legs off in a desperate effort to not give up double-digit goals. If a tie meant anything to anyone, there might be SOME interest in the game, because KSA's countering (Read: Win the ball and slam it forward before you can lose it) is always vaguely threatening, in a half-hearted sort of way. But, since they'll only go through with a big win (*snort*) and a loss by the now-a-man-up Ukraine (*giggle*), there's really nothing here to keep us from wandering off.

So, it's the half. Educate us, Julie Foudy and your creepy eyes. (Oh look, the Portuguese flag just drifted by on the silly background screen. Mmm ... Figo.) Goody goody, more whining about the US game — what could be better than that AND Foudy at the same time? Be still my soccer-loving heart. Sigh.

Extra time: The announcers have commenced ignoring the game before them and are instead giving Ronaldo a tongue bath. Dudes, we know he scored twice. He's still fat and slow, and loads of fun to make fun of. Oh, it's halftime. Time to pee, excuse me.

Extra time: Crummy free kick from Reyes. KSA responds by hoofing the ball long and hey, a throw in across midfield! Go KSA! Oh, nevermind. Turnover.

45th minute: I think Stone just called an upcoming game a "tilt." Why is he still speaking?

43rd minute: Joaquin pulls about 4 semi-Cruyffs in the box, resulting in a gift-wrapped pass to Reyes, who has the keeper pretty much at his mercy. So he hits it at his feet, and the keeper gets down well to save it. As a chance of pace, Spain wins a deep throw in rather than a corner.

41st minute: Look, I know I'm taking about Reyes a lot and all, but the thing is that Spain is attacking down the left side about 95% of the time (which is another reason Noor has so much to do). Normally the lack of variety would be bad, but since it works almost every time, there's really no reason to change things.

40th minute: Off another long ball, Al Jaber has a half chance. Unfortunately, I took over his body at just the wrong moment and he tepidly passed the ball the Spanish keeper. Which was good, because he wasn't quite up off his rocking chair yet when the ball was struck.

38th minute: Rob Stone has stopped talking about the game (good) but replaced that mindless chatter with "witty banter" about the nutty Spanish announcers (bad). I just shot him, though, which should put an end to that nonsense. My own inevitable legal troubles are a small price to pay for temporary relief.

36th minute: GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLL! Jesus, not much doubt about that one. Off a free kick from the left (stemming from a nice dive by Reyes, followed by a perfect ball into the box), Juanito heads a laser into the upper left-hand corner of the goal. The KSA keeper still hasn't moved.

35th minute: Noor, the only KSA player who is doing much that's very effective (most of it involving desperate defending), was just clipped by behind by Reyes, who was pissed to have the ball stolen from him. Noor's actually won the ball from him a couple of times, it's just that Reyes usually gets it back and therefore doesn't feel the need to hurt him.

34th minute: Doh! Al Jaber offside. Again. He can be forgiven for the offense, though — he's only been in the national side for 49 years and is still a little unclear on the rules.

32nd minute: Raul has a weak penalty appeal denied; insert American belly-aching here. Raul's hair is quite long these days — he clearly hopes the length will make us overlook his growing bald spot.

30th minute: Another great long-range shot from Spain results in another lame corner. Spain, those dudes in the box wearing read are on YOUR team. Their heads would be a good place to put these corners, rather than in the other corner of the field.

29th minute: Great strike by Albeda from a bit of in-the-box busy-ness by Fabregas, well-saved by KSA keeper. Yet another corner.

27th minute: You know, KSA actually are often a touch or two from a good chance. Their long balls (huh huh) forward are pretty good, it's just settling them and keeping them that's causing problems. There was just a card, by the way. And yes, it was bascially underserved. As if you had to ask.

24th minute: KSA coach Gabriel Calderon is annoyed by the proceedings. You and me both, Gabriel. He is, however, hiding his tears of humiliation well. It's only a matter of time before Gabe gets on the phone to start lining up his next job as a coaching mercenary (I'm saying it'll happen before the half.) I hear the US may need a gaffer soon ...

22nd minute: To their credit, KSA 5-man backline (a formation frequently implemented by teams that need a whole lot of goals) is working. They can't keep the ball, but they're effectively throwing themselves in the way often enough to keep their keeper from being too seriously challenged. Plus, Spain keep missing the goal.

21st minute: Reyes is pretty much having his way with KSA. Every time the ball ends up at his feet, he beat a defender or six. They're lucky he can't hit the goal.

18th minute: Arg. Reyes just missed a gift. Wide open in the box, he hits it right at the keeper. At least he looked good doing it.

16th minute: Oooooh. Reyes skinned KSA's right back, dumped it to Raul, which freed Joaquin for a great chance at the top of the box. He hit it over, possibly aided by the keeper's figure. Free kick, though.

14th minute: Aziz is done. Poor dude.

12th minute: Oh DIRTY. Raul picked up a floated pass on the endline, at the edge of the 6 yard box and tries to nut the defender. He missed the nut, but did get the ball through, though he was foiled by the keeper.

11th minute: Uh oh. Aziz's hurt, possibly because he tried to be fancy and yanked his hammie. The treatment on the sideline is the most action KSA has enjoyed thus far in the match.

9th minute: I spoke too soon! Noor actually executed an effective tackle and won the ball. Leading to, inevitably, a horrendously-executed free kick by KSA. Aaaand we're going the other way.

9th minute: Ok, seriously. This is already sad. Spain are bossing the midfield, and keeping the ball at will. Is it possible KSA forgot to send on all 11 players?

6th minute: Alert, Rob Stone said something sort of funny — and relevant! "Five minutes and still, no yellow cards!" In other news, Spain hasn't lost since 2004. As if KSA needed another reason to throw in th towel.

5th minute: Ooooh first chance for Spain. Raul lost it up top but things worked out conveniently for pretty Reyes to get in a dangerous cross.

Oh man. KSA are so screwed — it's taken Spain's new 11 all of 5 minutes to start kicking their asses.

3rd minute: For once, KSA's old man striker is not the most ancient player on the field. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Spain's new keeper, Santiago Canizares. He was born in 1902, and keeps a walker behind the goal, just in case.

2nd minute: Hey, first free kick of the game goes to KSA! They won something!

2nd minute: Yes, that's right: 11 new starters for Spain. Do you get the feeling they're taking this lightly? The sad thing, of course, is that KSA are, too.

1st minute: Ah, piss. No Shep Messing. I was praying for Shep to keep us entertained.

Welcome, everyone bored enough at work to read about Spain's b-team mercilessly thrashing the hapless lads from Saudi Arabia! I'll do my best to keep you up to date on the happenings, while simultaneously staring at the upper right-hand corner of the screen for updates on the efforts of my Sheva to make it to the next round. Which won't happen if they lose. Or tie, should KSA manage to beat Spain by roughly 32 goals.

Since he's carrying a yellow, Puyol has joined the masses on the bench. Defying all logic, however, similarly yellow-carded Cesc Fabregas is in the starting lineup. (If things get really boring, there's a chance updates will consist entirely of his proximity to the ball, and if he looks like he's thinking about whacking someone. You've been warned.)

There's also no Casillas, no David Villa, no Xavi and no Xabi Alonso. Yawn. In good news, however, Reyes is starting. Mmm ... cheekbones.

Let me see if I've got this straight.

Spain is the new Brazil (dazzling artists who weave intricate patterns as they scythe through opponents). While we're at it, Argentina is also apparently the new Brazil (24 touches on that third goal against Serbia and Montenegro, which, my neighborhood dominatrix assures me, is a lot of ball play by any S&M standard). Brazil, meanwhile, is the new France (defending champions in search of their trademark ebullience), France is the new Holland (driven by internecine squabbles among its aging stars), Ghana is the new Senegal (the African team that shocks the world with its speed and verve) and, the U.S. is the same ol' U.S. (looking like roadkill, but could still squeeze into the second round with a little help from our Italian friends).

As the World Cup heads into the final round of games before the knockout stage begins, it is tempting to reconfigure the old order based on what we have seen these past two weeks. Tempting, but ultimately futile. Does anyone really believe that Brazil, despite its tepid start, will not find its samba rhythm and play "bew-ti-full" again, as Eric Cantona reminds us hourly in that Nike commercial? Or that Spain, a team that has a history of choking — remember Northern Ireland in '82? — just when they look like they're en fuego, will be in Berlin on July 9?

Certainly, the Spanish fans do. They were dancing in the fountains of Madrid last night, chanting "Campeones, Campeones", happily oblivious to their team's long history of chronic heartbreak. But could you really blame them after yesterday's win made it 24 (wins, not touches) in a row for La Furia Roga and set up a delicious possible second round match with France, who are aging about as well as a piece of two-week-old Gouda. Lest we forget, it was in anticipation of a match against Les Bleus two years ago that Spanish coach Luis Aragones was quoted as calling the great French striker Thierry Henry (and, more important, the talismanic captain of my beloved Arsenal) a "black shit" in a desperate attempt to motivate his players.

But as much as it pains me to admit it, Aragones has certainly pulled all the right strings at this World Cup. The Spaniards' vivisection of the Ukraine in their first game was a masterclass of fluid ball movement and cutting edge finishing, but — given Spain's box office record of opening big, closing quickly — I was not inclined to join the rest of the media in their running of the bulls urgency to proclaim them serious contenders. And for 70 minutes yesterday, I smirked knowingly as the wheels started to come off that bandwagon, and Tunisia held tight to a 1-0 lead and looked for all the world like the new Angola. But Spain has so much talent that it can afford to sit its all-time leading scorer Raul and the teenage prodigy Cesc Fabregas (go, you Gunners!), and no one (ok, maybe Raul) will complain.

Only yesterday, after watching his Ukraine-wreckers David Villa and Luis Garcia prove unable to break down the well-marshaled Tunisian defense, and the specter of past failures all of a sudden hanging in the air, Aragones knew he had to find a way to re-ignite his attack or risk a reprise of Same Old Spain obituaries. On came Raul and Fabregas to link up with Spain's new golden boy Fernando Torres, and Tunisia was rocked back on its heels. First, Raul, the classic goalmouth predator, pounced on the rebound of a Fabregas shot and hammered it into the net. Then Fabregas stabbed a killer ball through the heart of the Tunisian defense for Torres to run onto and finish with cool precision. El Nino (The Kid), as the Spaniards call the big, powerful Torres, was in a torrid mood, and when he was pulled down in the box in stoppage time, he slammed home the penalty with such venom you might have thought he was trying to blow away all of Spain's ghosts. Whether he succeeded or not, it's too soon to tell, but Spain could just be the real deal.

Today's final game, the last of the second set of games, is Spain vs. Tunisia. A win for Spain sends them into the field of 16; Tunisia's still hanging around as well.

Your live-blogger? It's David Banfield, a nice enough fellow and an accomplished typist of great renown. Email us with thoughts for David, chime in in the comments and have a Tunisian great time.

Final - Spain rightfully wins 3-1 and go through to 2nd round, Tunisia will need a win and lots of luck to move on. Great game all around. Now I can leave and drink with impunity.

Injury Time - Torres, the most dangerous man on the pitch, breaks through again but fires wide.

Injury Time - Careless tackle from Tunisia sends Ramos to the ground and a yellow card for goal scorer Mnari

90:00 GOAL!!! Torres calmly slots the ball under Boumnijel. Unfair for Boumnijel who has played well and deserves better

89:00 Great run and cross from Raul, Torres is brough down in the box...PENALTY!!!!!

88:00 Fabregas sends through Torres clear but great save from Tunisian goalkeeper keeps it at 2-1.

87:00 Cormac has given up playing poker and is now heavy into the online porn, its starting to get uncomfortable

85:00 Tunisia push forward but are called for offside, Jaziri recieves yellow card for disent, Tunisia attack again and almost create a chance, Spain clears. Spain have dropped back and hope to weather the storm for last 5 mins. Not always a great strategy.

83:00 Spain are playing "keep away" crowd begins the "ole" chant, Tunisia is enraged and hack down Spainish player

81:00 Tunisia wins a corner, but head well over the bar

80:00 Guemamdia recieves a yellow card for unsportsmanlike play after 15 secs, must be a record

78:00 Tunisia bring on Guemambia, Tunisia are immediatly called offside.

76:00 GOAL!!!!! Spain take a well deserved lead from a great through ball to Torres from Fabregas from inside his own half. Torres pushes the ball wide and chips into an open net. Great substitues for Spain, all three take part in both goals.

74:00 Great run and cross from Joaquin sets up Fabregas who is well saved from 15 yrds

73:00 Spain look to dominate lay and take and pile on pressure looking for a winner, Tunisia actaully look to go forward to their credit

70:00 Score one for the old timers, Raul scores from a rebound. Joaquin does all the work squaring the ball for a shot that is well saved by the Tunisian keeper, Raul pounces on rebound to equalize

69:00 Jahidi earns a yellow card for late tackle

68:00 Tommy Smith just gave this profound statement "one swallow doesn't amke a summer and one win doesn't make a world cup" the possibilities are endless

65:00 Tunisia is caught offside, Coach Lemerre is apoplectic not for player being offside but for Tunisia actually venturing outside their own half

64:00 Great through ball to Torres but one cut back to many sees him loose possession, Spain gain possession from clearance but resulting shot from 30 yrds is over the bar

60:00 Tunisia have decided to never venture out of their own half, Spanish bring waves of pressure to no avail. Joaquin looks dangerous down the right flank

59:00 Game seems to be slowing down as Spain hasn't won a corner in several minutes, just so you know, Spain are unbeaten in 23 games

55:00 Doulble switch for Tunisia, seems to be in response to Joaquin coming on. Yahia for Ayari and Ghodhbane for Bouazizi, I put that in for those of you who have Ghodhbane on your fantasy team.

54:00 Torres wins another free kick on the edge of box, high and wide again, Spain is bringing on their 3rd and last sub, Joaquin coming on for Villa who has had a quiet game

53:00 Cormac has given up watching and is now drinking heavily and playing online poker

50:00 Tunisia seem to be playing a 1-1-8 formation with lone midfielder and striker. Spain attack and Tunisia give up another free kick 50 yrds out. Ball is played wide and Tunisia gives another corner. Great punch clearance from Boumnijel

49:00 Spain has won 3 corners in firt 4 min, Tunisia desperate in defence another free kick for Spain which is cleared from Tunisia defence

47:00 Spain win another corner...wasted. Xavi unleashes another long drive but is well saved by Tunisian keeper Boumnijel, subsequent corner wasted.

45:00 Majr changes for Spain Raul (spain's leading scorer) and Fabregas (Spain's youngest ever World Cup Cap) are on hopefully they can take advantage of the numerous chances Spain is likely to get

Half time - Spain dominate possession, win seven corners and 8 free kicks (mny just outside the box) and squander several quality chances. I envision Tunisia desperatly trying to hang on in 2nd Half

Injury Time - Spain win another header par for the course, half ends 1-0 Tunisia

45:00 Heavy rain, may play a role, Spain corner and Torres wins the header ... wide again, kinda like watching Shaq taking freethrows. I imagine thousands of spainairds screaming at TV

43:00 Torres sends a screamer over the bar, attack again with brilliant header from corner kicked, cleared from the line by defender on the post, wasted chances again. Tunisia praying for half time whistle

40:00 Stat sums up first half... Spain dominate Possession, 4-5 free kicks from dangerous spots all result in ... 1 shot on goal

39:00 Trebelsi makes his first mistake, losses possession in his own third of the field resulting in free kick, Need I say it, Spain wide again

38:00 In the first of ESPN endless stats Spain control possession 65% of the time

36:00 Tunisia seem to be content with 1 goal lead, 11 men behind the ball at all times

34:00 Another free kick for Spain 30 yrds out...went for far post, wide again

31:00 Spain counter from poor free kick... Cormac is disgusted with yet anther blown chance heads to fridge for another beer

30:00 Trebelso flys up the right wing and is taken down on the edge of the 18, great play, Chelsea instantly offers him a contract

27:00 Spain again dominating possession again but fail to capitalize, Tunisian counters are less frequent

25:00 Ramos sends a free header from corner high again, Spain is squandering several early chances, Torres beaten to a dangerous through ball Tunisian keeper recovers

22:00 Spain is coached by Aragones who applies to the David Duke school of motivation, once referred to Tierry Henry by a racial slur when trying to motivate his players

21:00 Fernando Torres is sent through on the wing but shoots wide, Torres is one fo the rising stars of Spanish football, the heir apparent to Raul

20:00 The game is beginning to remind me of my sex life, long periods of inactivity followed by brief moments of excitement

17:00 Full back Trabelsi for Tunisia is showing his class...defending well and starting counter, similar to Roberto Carlos

15:00 antoher counter attack from Tunisia, sprawling save from Spain keeper to keep it 1-0.

14:00 Sergio Ramos heads high from great cross

14:00 Free kick to Spain on the edge of the 18...

12:00 Spain threatens and appeal for penaty, Which Tommy Smith agrees, I think he's hard to understand at times, kinda like the Irish John Madden

9:00 Villa free kick from wing is punched away and Tunisia counter attack again, their strategy seems to be to soak up pressure and then counter

7:00 min - Ignore what I just said, Tunisia score on the counter attack,
Mnari scores on his own rebound

Spain dominating possession, but little to show so far.

David Villa rips a 25 yrd shot just wide, he's one to watch, of course if you are reading this you won't be watching anything

Tunisia starting XI - 10 guys you don't know and full back Trabelsi who played for Ajax in champions league

Spain wins an early corner which Luis Garcia heads wide

Probably lineups for today include for Spain Casilillas, Pernia, Puyol, Ramos, Ibanez, Xavi, Garcia, Alonso, Senna, Torres, Villa

————————————————————————-
Greetings fellow world cup fans, just getting throught the little kids walking out with the players. Always a little creepy if you ask me. Game coming from Stuttgart, which apparently has a great deal of Tunisian support. And now the anthems...

Anyway, today's early morning live blog features Spain taking on Ukraine, the first of our two final openers today. Enjoy the six different Ukrainian players named Andriy. And we're not kidding.

So. Once again, it's The Mighty MJD with you this morning, so email him with your thoughts, and follow along. Enjoy ... it's Spain-Ukraine! Yeah!

————————————————————————————————-

90:00: Enjoy your day.

90:00: And we're done. Can't help but feel a little sympathy for Ukraine, which is an independent nation-state and not a region. But again, wins against Tunisia and Saudi Arabia, which are certainly possible, get them into the knockout round.

90:00: Two minutes of stoppage time... or, as I like to call it, prolonging the Ukranian misery.

90:00: One more chance for Shevchenko... he was open in the box, but the shot was blocked. Some nice moves, though.

89:36: Spanish keeper badly misplays a ball, giving Ukraine a wide open goal, but the Spanish defense recovers and knocks it away from him. I know it's been a boring day for Casillas, but I think he took things a step too far by actually wheeling a tanning bed onto the pitch. That wasn't necessary.

87:51: Nice low shot in by David Albelda. Save made, and it was a good one.

86:21: Raul very nearly gets his foot to another goal... pass was just a touch too heavy, and the keeper got to it first. Tommy Smyth says that Spain is really trying to get Raul a goal, which just seems cruel.

84:50: Is it possible to run up the score in soccer? Because I think Spain is trying. I guess the good news for Ukraine is that they didn't have to spend the day actually in Ukraine.

80:50: And it's 4-0. Fernando Torres finished it, but the build-up was truly a thing of beauty. Great ball played in by Puyol, after he won the ball twice, and slid in a perfect header. Just spectacular. Check that one out on SportsCenter later if you can. Rough day for the Ukraine.

77:53: Cesc Fabregas checks into the game for some mop-up time.

75:12: The Spanish goalkeeper forced to make a save on the free kick. His technique was flawless. He put his bookmark in his book, set down his scotch and soda, picked up the ball, made love to a middle-aged Ukranian woman, and then booted the ball down the field.

74:29: Ramos, going after a loose ball, absolutely runs through a Ukranian guy, and then gives the ref the Gary Payton "I know I fouled him, but do you know who I am?" look.

73:37: Raul sets up Sergio Ramos for a shot from a tight angle, and he drills it off the side of the net.

72:22: Ohh, nice look for Ukraine. A guy named Rebrov gets a wide open clean shot, about 8 feet away... and he knocks it over the bar by about 3 feet.

71:58: Yaaaaaawn.

68:00: The Ukraine's entire strategy appears to be throwing long balls at Shevchenko and hoping that Spain forgets to jump and put him offsides. It has yet to happen.

67:34: A long cross gets Raul a header on goal. Another close call.

66:25: The Spanish goalkeeper has left the field, showered, put on a suit, and returned to goal with a lawn chair and a book. I think it's a Grisham.

64:19: It's headed out, and Senna blasted a beautiful shot into the goal, but the whistle had blown for a foul against Spain... sort of unfortunate, that shot was phenomenal.

63:28: Free kick here for Spain... and it's deflected wide. Corner for Spain. Their sixth. Ukraine has zero.

62:33: Raul has a ball at his feet in the box, but he dummied it, for some reason. He would've had a great shot at goal. Torres, who Raul wanted it to go to, was as surprised as anyone else by his decision.

60:27: A good look for Raul, but the Ukranian keeper gets the save. A quick counter attack for Ukraine... and a shot goes JUST wide. Really, they almost scored there. I'm not kidding. Andriy Voronin on the shot.

58:18: Much midfield play these last few minutes. I think Spain may be calling off the dogs here.

54:27: David Villa is coming off... and with a 3-0 lead, Spain brings in their leading scorer of all-time, Raul. That doesn't seem quite fair. Xavi Alonso is out, too.

53:10: Not that I'm wishing it upon the feeble Ukranians, but... you know, 4-0 would make me feel a little bit better about the United States' plight.

51:00: We were very very close to 4-0. Luis Garcia controlled the ball for what seemed like an hour in the box, with Ukranians all around him. And he got it to a wide open Villa in front of the net, but he pounded it off the goalie's chins.

48:29: Man, that call was terrible. If the Ukranian team wanted to turn into the Seattle Seahawks for a while, I couldn't blame them.

47:30: It's in. 3-0. The keeper guessed right, but a perfect shot goes in off his hands, and off the post, and in.

47:15: It's David Villa taking it.

46:18: Spain counters... red card in the box. Fernando Torres had a breakaway, and he was taken down. Tommy Smyth is questioning the call, and compared to some of the things that haven't been called... I dunno, that one seems weak. Here's he penalty, the first one of the World Cup...

45:52: Hey, good start for the Ukraine. They're pushing ahead a little bit here to open the half.

45:01: Today's ref if Swiss. There can be no doubting his neutrality.

45:00: Hey, no stoppage time. And we're at the half. If this doesn't get better, the second half is going to turn into a live comparison of Ukranian and Spanish internet pornography. I'll keep you posted.

43:44: David Villa... DAVID VILLA... oh, he just misses. A stop by the goalie after a pretty clear shot by Villa. I don't think the keeper even knew he saved it... the ball hit him, and he was still looking for it.

42:02: Hey, a scoring chance for the Ukraine. A ridiculously poor header from Spain (that I believe they learned from Oguchi Onyewu), gives Shevchenko a shot. It was stopped by the goalie, but whistled offside anyway.

41:17: Oh, man. Shep Messing is commentating the Saudi/Tunisia game. I guarantee you that the Deadspin liveblog will be a better option than the actual viewing of the game.

39:00: Another sustained Ukranian possession... though it wasn't threatening in any sort of way. Eventually, they just kick it out of bounds because they were tired of having the ball for so long.

37:17: I can't tell you how easy this game seems for Spain. It doesn't seem like a lot of people are mentioning them as real cup contenders, but... I dunno. It seems like they're at that level to me.

35:40: Spanish guy blocks a long attempted Ukranian pass with his face. I think the Ukraine should just keep trying to kick the ball into the faces of the Spanish, and they should get a goal every time they do it successfully.

34:48: A Spanish guy in a suit has a really hot wife.

33:30: They play it to the near post, and it goes high over the bar.

32:53: Corner from Xabi. Out off a Ukranian noggin. Corner now from the other side. That's five today.

32:17: Man, I feel bad for whatever poor son of a bitch Will conned into doing the Saudi Arabia/Tunisia game at 11:55. I hope he's giving them hazard pay.

31:56: SHOT ON GOAL! SHOT ON GOAL! Handled easily by the Spanish keeper. Of course it was.

29:36: The ball's been on Spain's side of the field for almost a minute here. Huge moral victory for the Ukraine.

28:40: Hey, a cross for the Ukranian team. But safely headed away. I believe they still have 0 shots on goal. I don't know if they've even considered it.

26:55: The Spanish goalie just sent me a text message. "I M SO BORED BUT MAN SHEVCHENKO IS HOTTTT IN PERSON."

25:56: Constant pressure. Fernando Torres and David Villa work it around the box at their leisure, but unable to put another one home. For now.

24:42: They're just pouring it on here. If it's not 3-0 at the half, I'll be very surprised.

22:22: A shot of some Spanish fans, where one big guy with a bass drum was screaming at someone off camera, and his friends were trying to restrain him. It was as if they were saying, "What are you going to do, taunt a Ukranian? His life spent in constant depression isn't enough for you? Let him have his vodka for lunch and leave him alone."

20:41: The onslaught just continues. I think the Spanish goalkeeper is actually napping.

18:20: Yeah, that's not a good way for the Ukraine to open up their first ever World Cup. The Ukraine is an even sadder place this morning.

16:53: Goal. David Villa on the free kick, just blasted it off someone's head in the Ukranian wall.. Not a whole lot of suspense here...

16:06: Ouch. Yellow card on one of the non-Shevchenko Ukranian guys, who came sliding in with his cleats up, Ty Cobb-style. Someone should punch him in his ugly Ukranian face. Free kick.

12:46: GOOOOOAL! A header from Xavi Alonso on the corner bounces off the goalie's hand and slips into the side of the goal. 1-0 Spain.

12:29: Nice long shot off the foot of Senna, forcing the goalie to make a nice save. Corner kick.

11:33: Oh, hey... Shevchenko was the guy in that SportsCenter commercial with Scott Van Pelt, where he's trying to get him to call American football soccer... I wasn't aware.

10:45: I don't think the Ukraine has had the ball for longer than 10 seconds here. The Spanish can be selfish.

7:44: Luis Garcia takes a shot from a tight angle, and sends it wide of the net.

7:08: The Spanish team keeps threatening... they pass well. Fluidity. They're fun.

4:46: A good effort on a free kick sees a ball bounce off of a Ukrainian head in the box. The Spanish counter, and Fernando Torres made a nice run into the box, to be denied there at the last second. Corner kick. Nothing doing.

4:00: It's 95 degrees there today, which makes the warm beer thing all the more confusing to me.

2:50: Some nifty passing gets the Spaniards a shot on goal, but Xavi rolls it wide of the goal. A poor effort there, but a good chance.

1:54: Much midfield play here thus far...

0:10: We're underway... Ukraine is sporting the all-yellow uniforms, with these little blue spikey stripes coming in from all sides. Those are nice.

0:00: Hey, this commercial with the two kids playing soccer, and picking their teams, and then the starts come running out to take the field... why does that one kid take Cisse first? And when he does, why doesn't the other kid just start laughing at him?

0:00: Commentators with accents, baby. That's what I'm talking about.

0:00: Fuckin' waffles are awesome.

0:00: It'll be Ukraine's first appearance in the World Cup, and they're led by Andriy Shevchenko, who just sold his soul and any remaining goodness in his body to Chelsea. Fernando Torres of Spain describes the Ukraine as "Shevchenko plus 10 others." But hey, all they have to do is figure out a way to finish ahead of Tunisia and Saudi Arabia, and they're advancing.

0:00: Here's what you need to know for this one on the Spanish side. Well, they're pretty manly at just about every position. I'm a fan of Carles Puyol, who's hair looks kind of like Dirk Nowitzki's, if Dirk hadn't bathed in three or four months. All but five dudes on their team play in the vaunted Spanish League, but there are also some EPL guys scattered in there, including Xabi Alonso, Cesc Fabregas, and Jose Antonio Reyes.