U.S. Speedskating found themselves $300,000 short, after their Dutch bank sponsor declared bankruptcy. With mere months before the Olympics, along came a hero.

With Dan Jansen as his guest on last night's show, Colbert announced that he would step in. Skaters will wear "Colbert Nation" on their hoods, and we should expect some offbeat promotions in the near future.

Notice it's "Colbert Nation" and not the actual show doing the sponsoring. That's because there's no cash in the deal; it'll be fans of the show who provide the material support. There's a fundraising link on his site. Nice, but I'm not sure pay-what-you wish sponsorships are the future of sports. I believe In Rainbows has made about $78.50 so far.

It's not all fun and games for the new philanthropist:

It still tragically involves a lot of Canadians," Colbert said. "It's kind of unseemly how many Canadians I'm going to have to be dealing with."

Speedskaters Get Unlikely Hero: Stephen Colbert [NYTimes]

Zorn, back in February, chided Davis for being such, well, a weirdo during the Olympic Games, and a "writer" at Davis' Web site wrote an "editorial" that called Zorn a Nazi. (The "editorial" is the attached picture.)

More went on after this, but our favorite part of this story is that apparently someone claiming to be Davis' mother actually contacted Zorn's mom to make sure she saw the "editorial."

This is, of course, out of hand, an invasion of privacy, all that. But we still think it's kind of a brilliant idea. You're really not curious to see if Jay Mariotti was actually born of an earthly woman? What in the world is/was Skip Bayless' mom like?

Classy Local Speedskater Shani Davis Responds To Criticism [Chicago Tribune]

You may remember their vicious speedskating beef from the Torino 2006 games. Even 50 Cent and Ja Rule were stepping in to tell them, "Hey, calm down, this is getting serious." Anyway, I suppose this gives Shani Davis the last laugh.

Anyway, in basketball, the late games are just underway, with Georgetown opening up a quick 8-point lead on Ohio State, and Texas leading N.C. State by 3 early in the going. 'Zona and 'Nova have yet to get underway.

From what I can gather here, Davis's mom made friends with a few of the Dutch curlers after she was kicked out of a post-race news conference a few days ago. And yesterday, Dutch curlers in tow, Cherie Davis came to the press conference wearing bright orange Holland gear.

Evidently, Davis is more popular in Holland than he is here, which makes sense, because until a few days ago, no one in America had any idea that Shani Davis existed. I guess they take their speedskating a little more seriously in Holland. And it's easy to see why they would be so quick to admire his speed and grace on the ice, as many of them find it difficult to accomplish such feats while wearing their wooden ice skates.

Feud? What feud? It's a circus on ice [Chicago Tribune]
Memorable Quotes from Austin Powers in Goldmember [imdb.com]

Forget about low ratings, judging controversies, banned substances... full-body lycra should be the #1 concern of organizers of the 2010 Winter Games in Vancouver. Not only is it unsightly, that can't even be healthy.

Just to recap briefly, Hedrick's mad because Davis skipped out on a three-man event and likely cost Hedrick and his lesser teammates a medal. Hedrick was going for five golds in one Olympic games, and that event was to be one of them. Davis skipped out on the race, citing that he wanted to focus solely on the 1000m event and that he didn't want to take a chance to participate in the Olympics away from another skater.

Hedrick has done everything but call Davis a selfish prick, and he's apparently not alone in this belief. Even Dan Jansen and Eric Heiden seem to not like him. Myself, I've never really viewed the Olympics as really team-oriented. Where should one's loyalty ultimately lie? To increasing the United States total medal count? To his fellow American speedskaters? To his own individual accomplishments? I don't have a good answer for that one.

I just have to wonder if Hedrick is really upset because Davis let Team America down, or because he cost Hedrick a shot at his five medals. I'm not sure who, if anyone, is acting selfish here. But on Tuesday, they go head-to-head again in the 1500m, an event in which Hedrick holds the world record. I'm excited about reading about it on the internet at about noon, and then ignoring it later that night on television.

Putting the 'fun' in dysfunction [Yahoo! Sports]

Joey Cheek, the guy who donated all of his prize money from an earlier gold medal win refugees Darfur, finished second, collecting a silver medal and $15,000 more to donate.

Torino Olympic officials were apparently so surprised that a black man won an event that they gave him a teddy bear instead of a gold medal. I hope that's something that they soon rectify, and they better let him keep the teddy bear, too.

Of course, the medal was not awarded without a little bit of drama. Another American skater, Chad Hedrick, was mad at Davis because Davis skipped out on an earlier relay event, leaving Hendrick, who was hoping to challenge Eric Heiden's record of five golds in one Olympics, stuck with a slower skater, and ultimately doomed to lose in the quarterfinals. Someone asked Hedrick afterwards if he was happy for Shani Davis, and he said, "I'm happy for Joey." Dick.

Davis, Cheek go 1-2 in 1000m [NBCOlympics.com]
U.S. Gold Medalist Donates Award to Darfur Refugees [NPR.com]

It's Rosie DiManno, columnist for The Toronto Star, who writes about the 3,000 meter speedskating and German skater Anni Friesinger thusly:

The most astute observation yesterday — gracious, too — came from the glorious Anni Friesinger, she of the extraordinary bosom, cleavage revealed in such eye-popping fashion with a downward yank on the zipper of her skin-suit whilst bending over at the waist to suck air just beyond the finish line at the speed-skating oval.

Man, we've never been more excited about the Olympics than we are right now. They're replaying this later, yes?

Klassen Bronzed At Result [Toronto Star]
Anni Friesinger Photo Gallerie [Anni Friesinger Official Site]