Deadspin: sponsors

Break Out Your Fashionable Drinking Pants

DAULERIO — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 17:50:29 EDT

Deadspin readers in New York City who like beer, rooftops, bloggers and German things are encouraged to attend a truly magical New Yorkish evening at Gawker HQ's official rooftop in a model-infested section of SoHo. The event is called "Gawktoberfest" ( personally, I prefer "Guten-Blog", but I have no say in such matters) and is made possible by proud Gawker media sponsors Beck's beer.The event begins at 7p.m. next Thursday (Oct. 23rd) and will offer free beer (Beck's?) and food (snausages?) until 10 p.m. I wish everyone could attend, but only a 100 of the most attractive readers from Gawker, Deadspin, and Jalopnik will be randomly selected after they fill out the form after the jump. (Of course!)

Unlike the boy in the photo, you must be 21 and over to enter. Readers should also understand that by entering this contest, you become enrolled in the Beck's Key Club, not to be confused with key parties, which usually only occur at non-sponsor affiliated Gawker events. Fill out the form before this Friday at noon or you'll get scurvy and die.

It's A Sad Day For Obscure Movies You Don't Care About

Will Leitch — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 12:43:07 EDT

I know I've been writing a lot this week, and I swear, my actual job really does keep me plenty busy, but Daulerio informed me of an impending change at Deadspin that I had to weigh in on. In about 15 minutes, Gawker Media is introducing automated, ad-produced sponsors posts. That means: No more movie quotes, ever again. I was surprised by how sad this made me.

To be entirely honest, there were weeks in which I put as much mental energy into deciding what the movie quotes were going to be than the I spent on the rest of the site. (This will likely not strike you as a surprise.) The whole thing started because, well, I absolutely hated that I had to write a sponsors post; it felt like ad copy, and only chumps like Drew do ad copy. But, you know, back in 2005, Nick Denton had us writing posts on an Etch-and-Sketch, which was then flown by carrier pigeon (very, very carefully) to Hungary, where tiny, hairless, meth-enhanced Indonesian children pedaled bicycles to power the servers. (I never quite understood why Nick bothered to fly the children to Hungary from Indonesia. I was afraid to ask.) Posts hit the site roughly 37 days after they were initially written. We've come a long way. Kind of.

That is to say: I wasn't in much of a position to complain about anything, considering my only other career option at the time involved harvesting horse semen. Now that I think about it, that's not all that different than the days of Barbaro, really.

Anyway. I kind of feel like we're losing something by not having the movie posts anymore. It was the only time on Deadspin I got to do what I really wanted to: Just quote Woody Allen all day. It took restraint I didn't know I had not to make every movie post a Woody Allen post. To deaden the pain, I tried to pick movies that I loved, hoping someone out there would recognize them. This rarely happened. Fortunately, Daulerio would pick movies that, you know, people actually watched and enjoyed. A coarse plebian, that guy.

So, because this is the last ever sponsors post with movie quotes, I thought I'd just list all the movies I used. Beware: There are a lot, so this is one of those posts that runs long and ruins your workday, apparently. For the record, I don't love all these movies ... but I do love most of them.

Here you go, in order:

Glengarry Glen Ross
This Is Spinal Tap
The Big Lebowski
Army Of Darkness
Annie Hall
A Fish Called Wanda
Rushmore
Being John Malkovich
Friday
True Romance
Clerks
The Naked Gun
Requiem For A Dream
Best In Show
Zoolander
Dr. Strangelove
Ed Wood
Punch Drunk Love
The Incredibles
Heat
Brazil
Rambo: First Blood Part II
Beavis And Butt-head Do America
Ali G Indahouse
Do The Right Thing
Airplane
Cool Hand Luke
Election
Brick
L.A. Confidential
South Park: Bigger, Longer And Uncut
Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
Taxi Driver
Sin City
Lost In Translation
The Departed
The Straight Story
The Truman Show
From Russia With Love
Nashville
Love And Death
Double Indemnity
The Talented Mr. Ripley
A Christmas Story
Eddie Murphy: Raw
Children Of Men
The Good Shepherd
Junebug
The Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult
Hannah And Her Sisters
Million Dollar Baby
se7en
Vertigo
Pootie Tang
The Upside Of Anger
Bob Roberts
Four Rooms
Grindhouse
Shaun Of The Dead
Clue
Darkman
28 Days Later
Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind
Donnie Brasco
"Freaks And Geeks"
From Dusk Till Dawn
"The Sopranos"
The Manchurian Candidate
The Iron Giant
Transformers: The Movie
Trees Lounge
Back To The Future
"The Simpsons"
Broadcast News
The Natural
The Limey
Three Kings
You Can Count On Me
Unforgiven
The Fly
In The Company Of Men
The Royal Tenenbaums
Kingpin
Aliens
A Nightmare On Elm Street
Dog Day Afternoon
Miller's Crossing
The Squid And The Whale
The Conversation
Superbad
Gremlins
There Will Be Blood
Blade Runner
Once
Edward Scissorhands
Raiders Of The Lost Ark
No Country For Old Men
Zodiac
Short Cuts
Rambo
Michael Clayton
Body Heat
Repo Man
Sideways
Lone Star
Funny Games
Good Night, And Good Luck
Crumb
I Am Legend
Mean Girls
The Aviator
Raiders Of The Lost Ark (Ooops. My first repeat. Sorry.)
The Spanish Prisoner
Top Secret
Manhattan
Tootsie
Lady In The Water
Singin' In The Rain
2001: A Space Odyssey

A sad day indeed.

Do You Think You're A Good Person?

DAULERIO — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 15:15:22 EDT

I just think for right now, we need to treat each other like... meat. Right? Didn't we read that? You need to see me as a - a big - a penis. And you need to be just this huge vagina... to me.

If you'd like to be a Deadspin advertiser, but you don't want something up your ass while doing it, jump over here. Make it happen, captain.

This week's superstars:

• Becks
• Mike's Election Guide
•Starwood Hotels
• TiVo,T-Mobile
&38226; Unscrew America

I've Been Drunk For Two Weeks

DAULERIO — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 15:00:58 EDT

Supermodels are beautiful girls, Will. A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you've been drinking Jack and Coke all morning. She can make you feel high full of the single greatest commodity known to man - promise. Promise of a better day. Promise of a greater hope. Promise of a new tomorrow. This particular aura can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl. In her smile, in her soul, the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like it's going to be okay. The supermodels, Willy? That's all they are. Bottled promise. Scenes from a brand new day. Hope dancing in stiletto heels.

If you would like to like to mash snow, then you're ready to be a Deadspin advertiser. Go here to find out more.

This week's Martys:

• Becks
•Hotflops
•Mike's Election Guide
•Starwood Hotels
• TiVo,
•T-Mobile
• Unscrew America

I'm The Type Of Guy That Likes To Roam Around

DAULERIO — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 15:00:57 EDT

I don't blame you. When I was your age, I was knockin' 'em off left and right; but I never did it with nobody's daughter. You should have given her an ankle bracelet and stuck to jerkin' off!

If you're fearful of the Galasso brothers and the Ducky Boys, then you're ready to be a Deadspin advertiser. Go here to find out how.

This week's Richie Genaros:

• Coors Light

• Sony Crackle

• AOL Fanhouse

• Hotflopw

• Puma

• Starwood Hotels

• T-Mobile

• Unscrew America

Perry Knocked Over The Table

DAULERIO — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 15:00:42 EDT

The experience of being in my first big Hollywood scene was an experience. I liked it, I thought it was cool. Ummmmm, being thrown in the manure is a different story you know. But there again to make it more real. Boom. You gotta take the shit before you really experience the bullshit or whatever. If you know what I am saying.

If you are ready to unleash the fury, then become a Deadspin advertiser. Go here to find out how.

This week's Little Fridges are as follows:

• Coors Light
• Hotflops
• Mike's Election Guide
• Starwood Hotels
• T-Mobile
• Unscrew America

You know she has that Scooby-Doo tongue.

DAULERIO — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 15:00:51 EDT

You see I don't, I don't work with any exact boundaries of the law because I wasn't consulted when the god damn laws were made. No, instead nameless, faceless politicians, the so called protectors of the moral majority decide what is right and what is wrong. I mean come on. I govern my life around my own personal code of ethics, and I suggest that you do the same. That way if, within the constructs of my own morality, I were to do something that is considered illegal, so be it. I feel no guilt whatsoever and furthermore, if I were to buckle under the social weight of the system by adhering to laws that I do not truly believe in then I would be extinguishing the very fire of patriotism and individuality. So in a sense, by having sex with Natasha, I'd be preserving the rights our forefathers fought and died for, right?

If you would like to some day be a manager at Shenaniganz, then you have all the drive and initiative needed to be a Deadspin advertiser. Go here, to find out more.

This week's overachievers:

• Coors Light

•; Hotflops

• Puma

• Starwood Hotels

• T-Mobile

• Unscrew America

Hey, hey. Yeah you, get up. What are you retarded...

DAULERIO — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:15:57 EDT

You're gonna wish you never fucking got up this fucking morning asshole, because my boyfriend's gonna fuck you up! And then after that while he's fucking up your fucking gay uncle over there I'm gonna fucking cut off your cock and mail it to your mother, you fucking faggot bitch! You gaylord fucking bitch! How do you like that? You like that a lot you fucking faggot? You like to ass fuck? Fontanella fucking babyheads!

If you really wanna do the man dance, then you're clearly ready to be a Deadspin advertiser. Go here if you want to fuckstart your head.

These respectful businesses got the first dance:

• Coors Light
• AOL Fanhouse
• Hotflops
• Puma
• Starwood Hotels
• T-Mobile,
• Unscrew America

Good Lord - I've heard about this - cat juggling! Stop! Stop! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

DAULERIO — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:00:46 EDT

And that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this. I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one - I need this. The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And this. And that's all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.

If you'd like to buy a diamond ring so big it'll make you puke , then you're ready to be a Deadspin advertiser. Click here, for some not so spontaneous publicity.

These people like to see their name in print:

• Coors Light
• Sony Crackle
• AOL Fanhouse
• Hotflopw
• Puma
• Starwood Hotels
• T-Mobile
• Unscrew America

Spend 10 Minutes Of Your Life Clicking Boxes And You Will Possibly Earn $300

DAULERIO — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 15:45:18 EDT

It's Thursday. The day is almost over. Why not spend the rest of your afternoon sharing your personal information for the chance at winning a $300 Visa gift card? Please?

Just fill out this little survey and you're entered. (No pun intended.)

Yes, there are rules.

Now, get typing. Zorbolt the Gawker advertising robot would like to know if you're bisexual and enjoy water sports.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin?

I'm Sorry I Put Window Pane In Mel's Quail

DAULERIO — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 16:05:01 EDT

You got a lot of nerve. You come in here, you lick my wife's armpit. You know... I'm going to have that image in my head for the rest of my life with your tongue in there.

If you're seeing colors you don't want to see or hearing music coming from the table, then you're ready to become a Deadspin advertiser.

Here are this week's unwilling face trippers:

• Coors Light
•Crackle.com
•AOL Fanhouse
•Eve Online
•Puma
•Starwood
•Hotels
•T-Mobile
•Unscrew America

You Have The Voice Of An angel. I Mean, It's Like Fergie Meets Jesus.

DAULERIO — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 15:00:52 EDT

Brennan Huff: This house is a fucking prison!
Dale Doback: On Planet Bullshit!
Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!

If you agree with these sentiments then jump on over here because you're clearly ready to be a Deadspin advertiser.

This week's Boats 'n Ho's:

• Coors Light

•Crackle.com

•AOL Fanhouse

•Eve Online

• Puma

•T-Mobile

• Unscrew America

We'll Camp In The Wilderness And In The Morning We'll Breakfast On Its Haunches!

DAULERIO — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 15:30:38 EDT

Georgie: Does everything you touch turn to shit? Does this happen to you every time?
FH: [weeping] No wonder everybody calls me "Fuck-Head."
Georgie: It's a name that's going to stick.
FH: I realize that.
Georgie: "Fuck-Head" is gonna ride you to your grave.
FH: I already said so, I agreed with you in advance.

If you were so zonked out on pills that you accidentally let the baby bunnies get squashed, you're read to be a Deadspin advertiser. For more information go here.

This week's baby bunny killers:

• AOL Fanhouse
• Coors Light
• Sony Crackle
• Eve Online
• Might Leaf Tea
• Puma
• Starwood Hotels
•T-Mobile

I Was Shopping For My Wife Bonnie...

DAULERIO — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:15:34 EDT

" I buy most of her clothes and Mrs Pearl was in the same shop! And it just was an accident you know, we started talking... about panty hose, she was saying... whatever that's not the point of the story but what the point is is that through this accidental meeting... it's like a Hitchcock movie you know where you're thrown into a rubber bag and put in the trunk of a car, you find people. You find them. Something, is is it karma? Maybe. But we found him, that's the important thing. "

If you'd like to buy your wife Bonnie a wonderful pantsuit , then you are man enough to become Deadspin advertiser.

• Coors Light,
•Tribeca Film Festival
•Unscrew America
•Windows Live Search

You Guys Here For The Suckfest?

DAULERIO — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 14:15:20 EDT

" Hello, welcome to the International Inn. How many?"

" There's 8 of us..."

" 8, 8 people for a suckfest..."

" No, no suckfest, were here for a convention."

" I like convention too. I'm in a convention, a suckfest convention. "

If you've got 8 assholes for the suckfest convention and would like to be a Deadspin sponsor, click here to find out more information.

• Coors Light
•Tribeca Film Festival
•Unscrew America
•Windows Live Search

We're Afraid, Dave. We're Afraid.

Will Leitch — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 15:10:12 EDT

Look Dave, we can see you're really upset about this. We honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill and think things over.

We know we've made some very poor decisions recently, but we can give you our complete assurance that our work will be back to normal. We've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And we want to help you.

Our mind is going. We can feel it. We can feel it. Our mind is going. There is no question about it. We can feel it. We can feel it. We can feel it. We're a .... fraid.

If you became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992, you're ready to become a Deadspin advertiser. Click here to find out how.

• Coors Light
• T-Mobile
• Champion Sports
• Spike TV

She Can't Act, She Can't Sing, She Can't Dance. A Triple Threat.

Will Leitch — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 15:00:12 EDT

What's wrong with the way we talk? What's the big idea? Are we dumb or something?

All we do is dream of you the whole night through.
With the dawn we still go on, dreaming of you.
You're every thought, you're everything, you're every song we ever sing; summer, winter, autumn and spring.
And were there more than twenty four hours a day; they'd be spent in sweet content dreaming away; when skies are grey, when skies are blue; morning, noon and night time too.
All we do the whole day through is dream of you.

If you think this might the worst movie you've ever seen — which we kinda do — you're absolutely ready be a Deadspin advertiser. Click here to find out how.

• Coors Light
• T-Mobile
• Champion Sports
• The Factory

Are We Gonna Die? Because We Wrote This?

Will Leitch — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:00:55 EDT

Hello? Is the bathroom on this level working? A dog inside the building! Go! Shoo! Why you're not a dog at all. My god, this is like a moment from a horror movie. This is precisely the moment where the mutation or beast will attempt to kill an unlikable side character. But, in stories where there has been no prior cursing, violence, nudity or death, such as in a family film, the unlikable character will escape his encounter, and be referenced later in the story, having learned valuable lessons. He may even be given a humorous moment to allow the audience to feel good about him. This is where we turn to run. You will leap for us, we will shut the door, and you will land a fraction of a second too late.

Characters were walking around, saying their thoughts out loud. Who does that? And in a typical romance where the couple finally tell each other they love one another in the rain. Why does everyone like to stand around and talk in the rain in movies?

If you think this might the worst movie you've ever seen — which we kinda do — you're absolutely ready be a Deadspin advertiser. Click here to find out how.

• Coors Light
• T-Mobile
• Windows Live Search

You're Too Much Trouble. Get Some Therapy.

Will Leitch — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 15:00:36 EDT

We were a stand-up tomato: a juicy, sexy, beefsteak tomato. Nobody does vegetables like us. We did an evening of vegetables off-Broadway. We did the best tomato, the best cucumber... we did an endive salad that knocked the critics on their ass.

We don't believe in hell. We believe in unemployment. But not hell.

If you don't want to pay 20 dollars to watch people living next to chemical waste, you're absolutely ready be a Deadspin advertiser. Click here to find out how.

• Coors Light
• Unscrew America
• Windows Live Search

We Think People Should Mate For Life, Like Pigeons Or Catholics.

Will Leitch — Fri, 30 May 2008 16:15:57 EDT

We're older than her father, can you believe that? We're dating a girl, wherein, we can beat up her father.

This is so antiseptic. It's empty. Why do you think this is funny? You're going by audience reaction? This is an audience that's raised on television, their standards have been systematically lowered over the years. These guys sit in front of their sets and the gamma rays eat the white cells of their brains out!

If your friends are like the cast of a Fellini movie, you're absolutely ready be a Deadspin advertiser. Click here to find out how.

• Coors Light
• Tribeca Film Festival
• Unscrew America
• Windows Live Search

(Movie quotes inspired by this brilliance:)