Deadspin: steven jackson

Steven Jackson, Meet Sheldon Brown

AwfulAnnouncing — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 12:45:23 EDT

For a split second, it appeared Steven Jackson's entire head came off.

The Fantasy Impact Of Steven Jackson's Cleansed Colon

DAULERIO — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 17:00:18 EDT

During yesterday's story about Rams running back Steven Jackson and his messy colon cleanse, I questioned the potential fantasy football impact such a procedure would have on the top five running back. Thankfully, some of the wise men from Yahoo!'s Fantasy Football think tank decided it was worthy of a discussion. Please enjoy this "exclusive analysis" from Brad Evans, Andy Behrens, and Brandon Funston.

Brad Evans:

So many different angles to go with this, but here's my take:
Jackson's bowel flush lends a whole new meaning to being "light on your feet." That kind of dedication must be rewarded. Based on his intestinal fart-itude, Jackson supplants Brian Westbrook as the Noise's third-best overall pick this year in standard drafts. Where's your colon at, Tom Brady?

Brandon Funston:

An "oil change" can only be good for the system, and it's nice to know that S-Jax is willing to take one for the team. But I have to question the timing. The season is still more than two months away. It's seems like a late August, early September cleansing would have a more impactful carry over into the season. Unless he's willing to step up to the mic again in a couple months, I see his value as unchanged.

Andy Behrens:

First of all, I don't speak for the Big Board. Only Brandon does.

But if I did, I'd have to wonder how significant the poop-letting was. Was it two pounds? Three? Eight? The guy's listed at 231 lbs., and we might feel differently if he slips to 223. That seems a little light.

Advantage, Westbrook.

Steven Jackson Gives Colonics A Big 'Thumbs Up '

DAULERIO — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 20:35:17 EDT

The St. Louis Rams' Steven Jackson was a colossal bust last season for many fantasy football owners, but he will apparently try anything to not be such a stiff this year. This includes agreeing, per his girlfriend's recommendation, to have a colonic in order to "clean his system out." Not only was his girlfriend, Supriya Harris on hand for the historic poop-letting, but he also shared his experience with Yahoo's Michael Silver.

Via Undrafted Free Agent, we get the messy play-by-play:

My hands were covered in sweat, and the (colon therapist) lady comes in and starts talking my ear off. There's this thin hose-type-thing that you put up there that shoots water into you and sucks everything out, but I had trouble getting it in, and then it kept coming out. The lady had to come back six different times and put it back in there. It was brutal."

Interjected Harris: "When we got done and he walked out to the waiting room, I said, 'Steven, are you OK?' He said, 'I don't want to talk about it.' I swear to God, he looked like a kid who'd been in there with R Kelly."

Jackson laughed at the memory and shook his head in mock disbelief. "I can't believe we're talking about this," he said. "But I will say this: Once you get it all out of you, your body feels great. You get a boost of energy, and you feel like you can accomplish anything."

Does knowing this move him up or down on Brandon Funston's Big Board?

Steven Jackson Brutalized In Colon-Cleansing Procedure [Undrafted Free Agent]