Continuing with the Round of 16, it's Switzerland vs. , a team that's in its first World Cup and one we've decided to make the scrappy underdogs that we're rooting for, at least in this game.

Your live-blogger today is John Bolster, who has been around these parts before and is, as mentioned repeatedly, the sports editor of Penthouse. He's been great every time, and he'll be great now. Follow along in the comments, enjoy the game and, you know, mock a Swiss or something.

That's it for me. Thanks a lot to all, and enjoy the rest of the games!

I'm sure they're loving it in Kiev, but that was quite possibly the worst game of the tournament. And Switzerland, as we said, gets bounced without giving up a single goal.

Gusev steps up with a chance to book a place in the next round for Ukraine: HE PUTS IT AWAY!!
UKRAINE ADVANCES TO THE QUARTERFINALS ... on penalties.

CABANAS is stopped by SHOVKOVSKIY! 2-0 Ukraine! They win if their next klick is good... and...

Now Rebrov for Ukraine...he buries it! 2-0 Ukraine.

Barnetta for Switzerland now...HE HITS THE BAR! 1-0 Ukraine.

Milevskiy up now for Ukraine... He chips it coolly—and cheekily—into the right side of the goal.

Streller up now for Switzerland. SAVED BY SHOVKOVSKIY. 0-0 after one round of penalties!

First up is Shevchenko for Ukraine. Best foot forward. Lalas says ten francs he misses....And sure enough HE MISSES! Great save by Zuberbuhler, diving to his right. Tomorrow Zuberbuhler gets a day off.

30:00 That's it! We're going to penalties. Oy. Lalas points out that Switzerland could get knocked out of the tournament without losing or giving up a goal. A penalty shootout goes down as 0-0 draw.

29:00 We don't want penalties. It's been avoided the entire tournament so far. Much rather not see it. Lalas says: Penalties are more arbitrary than Swiss porn.

27:00 Substitution for Switzerland: Lustrunelli in for Frei. Frie is fried.

25:00 Streller makes a nice run into the box. Wow, he's got long stork legs. Great tackle/block by Gusin. Then, of course, everyone stays down to get a rest. JP Dellacamara wants a little liquid refreshment.

23:00 Both teams are exhausted. The ref is exhausted. The fans are exhausted. We're exhausted. There's exhaustion all around.

20:00 Absolutely nothing is happening. Substitution for Ukraine: Milevskiy in for Voronin. Are the Ukrainians playing for penalties? Oof.

18:00 Corner kick for Switzerland. But...nothing. Again. Nothing.

17:00 From Lalas's Swiss friend Stefan: "Cheere more please." Lalas promises to cheere.

15:00 Ref whistles the first 15 minutes of OT dead. The crowd whistles too. They're showing highlights now. They have to go way, way back to the first half and the crossbars hit by Shevchenko and Frei for the game's two highlights.

13:00 Has a blog ever been abandoned in mid-.. um, blog? Ukraine just played the ball backward and then knocked it around among their backline. Like they were up 2-0 or something. I guess they'll take the coin-flip of a penalty shootout over settling this with soccer. Like men.

10:00 Switzerland's Streller sends one in to the box. It's headed out and falls for Vogel who hammers a volley right at Shovkovskiy. Save.

9:00 Shevchenko with a surging run up the middle, but he's one v four. He gets taken down...no call.

8:00 Swiss free kick hits the wall, ball gets played out to the wing, chipped to the far post, headed back in to Cabanas, right in front of goal, but he seems to hear footsteps from the keeper and backs off. Threat ended.

6:00 Nice ball into the box by Switzerland's Barnetta...it bounces off a Ukrainian defender and the Swiss call for a handball. The referees ignore their calls.

3:00 Rebrov comes in for Vorobey for Ukraine. Leading scorer for Dynamo Kiev. So where's he been all game? While we're on the topic, here are the subs in this game: Rotan of Ukraine for Kilinichenko in the 75th. Strother of Switzerland for Yakin in the 64th. Grichting of Switzerland for Djourou in the 34th.

Extra Time 1:00: Degen attacks down the right wing, ball goes out for a goal kick. In other words, more of the same.

Okay, take a deep breath, the extra session is under way.

Man, where is the Golden Goal rule when you need it?

That's it for regulation as the ref blows the whistle. Normally that would be a welcome sound after a dud like this. But now it only means we've 30 more minutes of these two drab teams. Can't we just eliminate them both?

91:00 Switzerland swings two crosses across the front of Ukraine's goal. Barnetta hits the first one, which whistles through untouched. Frei (I think) hits the second. It's punched out by Shovkovskiy.

89:00 Another Ukraine attack goes for naught. They do win a corner, though. And waste it. "This is like a game of Stratego played by seven-year-olds," says Lalas.

87:00 We realized ten minutes ago that we are staring overtime—30 more minutes of this thin gruel—right in the face. All exclamation points from the 70th minute onward, by the way, have been ironic.

85:00 Ukraine's Voronin is mugged in the box by Magnin and Grichting! Amazingly, the ref lets it go. Swiss player stretchered off. The stretcher-bearers have the Swiss logo on their bibs: short white cross thing. Is that a conflict of interest?

82:00 Switzerland wins a corner! Their crowd wakes up at the urging of Magnin. Literally, he waves his arms and tells them to look alive. They start waving their flags, cheering. The corner is punched away. Oh well.

79:00 Cabanas passes up a chance to shoot for Switzerland, lays it off and Switzerland loses possession. Then Barnetta, already carrying a yellow, comes in studs-up on Vaschuk. Ref opts not to bring out a second yellow. At this point, we'll take anything to spark this one up. Even the 3,210th card of the tournament.

74:00 Kalinichenko corner kick skimmed just wide by Gusin! We thought that was in. We wished that was in. We just had a 30 second conversation to figure out that there was a "Gusin" and a "Gusev" on the Ukraine team, and not two "Gusins." Or two "Gusevs." Yeah, we're pretty bored. The crowd is too, they're doing the whistling thing that everyone else in the world does instead of the booing.

72:00 The K-Zoo Keeper has just phoned in to tell us that she's so bored with this game she's now reading George Carlin's bit about "stuff" online. ... Okay, Magnin fires over from distance for Switzerland.

71:00 This game is about exciting as a cold bowl of borscht soup. ... Or a Swiss argument: "Hey, I'm pretty neutral on the subject."

67:00 Shevchenko pierces the boredom with a cracking left-footed shot from the top of the box, right side! Just misses the post.

65:00 We are breaking out the toothpicks to keep our eyes open here. Wow.

62:00 Terrible studs-up, over-the-ball challenge from Switzerland's Cabanas on Nesmachniy. What do the Swiss have against Nesmachniy?

61:00 Almost everyone on the Ukraine is named either Andriy or Oleg, says Warren. That's
gotta get confusing.

59:00 Nesmachniy taken down outside the box on the left. Ladies and gentlemen, we have our first yellow card of the evening! To Barnetta of Switzerland. Shevchenko drives the free kick into the wall, then calls for a handball. No such luck.

56:00 Frei just—oof!—misses getting on the end of a ball over the top of the defense. It goes out of bounds. Yes, we're resorting to sound effects to liven this one up a bit.

53:00 Something has to happen here, says Lalas, or I'm going to go back to downloading porn. Yes, we are in the middle of the tournament's biggest snoozer right now. Shot of Franz Beckenbauer and Sepp Blatter in the stands. Possibly more bored than we are.

49:00 Calhoun checks in from the street: "From the sounds of this game, I am almost glad that I'm at work. Just walked by the local pizzeria to see if they had it on but they told me the only watch Italy's games. I told him I haven't seen so many Italians fraudulently hit the deck since Sergio Leone's old spaghetti westerns. I quickly got out of there as he reached for his pizza cutter. "

47:00 Voronin of Ukraine flashes a header just wide of the far post.

Okay game on:

Before we get to the second half, here are our Awards for the Group Stages:

Team We Really Would Have Liked to See Go Through: Ivory Coast.

Cakewalk Award: Tie between Germany and England. Germans, playing at home, get Ecuador and Costa Rica in the first round. England, stacked with talent, gets Trinidad & Tobago (and barely beats them), and just generally looks terrible while reaching the quarterfinals.

Player We Already Miss: Sadly, nobody. This tournament needs a p

So, it's Switzerland vs. Korea Republic, all kinds of important business on the line.

Your live blogger is the always excellent Thomas Moyles from The Middle Foam Finger, who is doing his third live-blog in three days. Impressive. Play along in the comments, and enjoy the game.

FULLTIME: The group stage comes to a close with South Korea, who were semi-finalists in the last World Cup and the last Asian team in the competition, bow out to Switzerland, who use a businesslike 2-0 victory to top Group H.

Korea were victimized late in the second half as an offside call by the linesman was wrongly overruled by the referee; still, the Koreans strugglied mightly with the ball all game and when they did get chances at goal, did very poorly. The Swiss look good, although they might be a paper tiger considering the other teams in their group. That said, they still have a good chance of beating the Ukraine in the next round, which should be a good one.

This has been The Electric Zarko, the laptop's put my legs to sleep and I don't even care. Peace out.

95' Game over as the Swiss win the group. Korea are devastated as they go out in the group stages. A bad call went against them in the second half and they just couldn't get the goal that they desperately needed.

93' Korea continue to throw balls into the box, gaining nothing. They just weren't able to get many clear-cut chances and they haven't taken the half-chances either. Zuberbuehler smothers a long shot for Ahn. Apparently Healy and Smyth won't be doing any more games. Real smart, ABC/ESPN, take out your best (although still not that good) commentary team.

91' Yellow card for Djourou, 4 minutes of stoppage time. Zuberbuehler punches out a Korean cross.

90' Stoppage time looms and Korea are going home. Healy saying the Swiss are going to be dangerous in the knock-outs, has anybody pointed out that Advocaat was the opposing coach in this game?

88' Healy is making a big deal out of the Swiss being the only team that hasn't given up a goal in this tournament. That sounds great; however, it's not like they've faced teams that are known for knocking goals in for fun. We'll see how they do against Shevchenko. Behrami in for Wicky.

87' Frei can't keep his header down and he's missed more chances than the entire Korean team. If he'd been on target, he might have a hat-trick. Ahn takes a quick shot and Zuberbuehler makes the save.

85' Korea are a little stunned here as they've spurned multiple chances and Switzerland have ridden a poor officiating decision to a 2 goal lead. It looks like Asia is going to get shut out of the knockout stages, quite a turn-around from 2002.

83' Yellow card for Spycher and Korea take a corner, the ball falls very well for Korea and Jin Kim Kyu hits the ball off of the crossbar. Healy points out that Korea had the benefit of some very questionable calls in their favor last tournament, so perhaps it's just karma rolling around.

81' Yellow cards for Jin Chul Choi and Chun Soo Lee, who rightly gave the ref a barracking after that decision. Might be the worst call of the tournament and that's saying something when somebody was given three yellow cards yesterday.

80' Yes, it's a goal. Horrible call by the Argentinian ref. Just horrible, and it's probably put the Koreans out of the tournament. Goal is given to Frei.

77' GOOO...AL? AL? GOAAAA? Er? The linesman's flag went up on a through-ball in to Frei, who then rounds the keeper and slots in past Lee Woon Jae. The Koreans are losing it and Dick Advocaat in particular. The referee appears to have overruled the linesman and decided that since the ball deflected off of the defender, it was not actually offside, which would be absolutely incorrect.

76' Tommy and Adrian are talking about the Swiss even though the fact that the Koreans are still being held is more due to their own inability to take advantage of the Swiss frailties than Swiss

75' Dick Advocaat is getting his knickers all twisted on the sidelines. C'mon Dick, why don't you put Bosvelt in for Robben? Chump.

73' Margairaz tries to play the ball in for Frei clear in on goal, the ball won't sit and is put out for a corner, which Lee Woon Jae takes well.

72' The Swiss break, win a corner and are taking their time. I think Tommy Smyth just tried to make a clock joke. The corner almost comes to fruition with a flick-on going across the face of goal. Korea eventually clear.

71' Margairaz comes in for Yakin, who hasn't shown much in the second half and was probably sucking win due to a lack of playing time.

69' Wicky given a yellow card, unclear whether it was for dangerous play or for kicking the ball away after he was called for a foul. The free kick is easily cleared and Korea play it back in, causing more chaos in the backline before the ball is stabbed away by Djourou. The Koreans continue to spurn the chances being gifted to them by the Swiss.

68' Ki-Hyeon Seol is the player that's come on, a forward replacing another one as Park Chu Young did not live up to his hype as "the Asian Rooney".

66' Advocaat takes off Park Chu Young for another attacker, didn't catch his name. A corner for Korea leads to a bouncing header that is tipped over by Zuberbuehler. The following corner is then headed over the bar by Korea.

64' Frei nearly puts the Koreans in the ground as he flashes a drive from the right side of the area past the goalie and it smacks off the crossbar. Senderos has come out of the locker room and sits on the bench, it appears that he has a cast on his arm.

63' An attacker in for a defender as Lee Young Pyo goes off and Ahn Jung Hwan, the hero of World Cup 2002, comes on. Korea must know that time is running out on their World Cup chances.

61' Switzerland are actually getting the better chances on goal, as Korea don't have any answers for the Swiss defensive wall and Barnetta and Yakin continue to find space on the counter-attack. Spycher plays a ball that knocks a passing UFO out of the sky. France scores again in the other game and things are starting to get a little tense here in Hannover.

59' Barnetta sends a stinging half-cross half-shot across the face of the Korean goal, nobody can get a foot onto it and Korea gladly take the goal kick.

58' Frei with a weak shot wide of the far post from a good ball in and he doesn't look sharp at all today.

57' Hakan Yakin gets a yellow a little while back for a yellow card and the news from the other game is that France have gone ahead, meaning that the Koreans must try and get some goals. If things continue as they are, I believe this means that all of the Asian teams will have been eliminated in the group stages (not counting Australia, which won't be in the Asian group until the next World Cup Qualification period).

53' Senderos off, Djourou on as there must be something seriously wrong with Senderos for him to come off for the 19-year-old with a Swiss mother and father from the Ivory Coast.

51' Senderos comes out of the game again, it looked like he might have been holding his hand there, he goes into the locker room, straight down the tunnel, no change as of yet.

48' Lee Chun Soo with a good run down the right side of the Swiss area, Switzerland does well to block his cross and keep it in play. Korea keep the pressure on, looking for that final ball.

47' Crisp passing around the Swiss area by the Koreans, only to see Park Ji Sung give up the ball and the Swiss run the ball up field, Korea clear the ball into touch.

46' The Koreans kick off the second half going left to right. The Koreans are in the white while the Swiss are in the red strips. Lee Ho takes a long shot off of a knockdown and it curls wide of the Swiss goal.

HALFTIME: The Swiss go in to the half with a 1-0 lead after Senderos got above everybody else to head in a free kick. Each team finished the half with a handful of good chances, with the Swiss looking good on set pieces and confused on defense, although the Koreans were unable to take advantage of the chaos at the back. With France and Togo tied at the half, both teams in this game would go through if the result stood, with Switzerland playing Ukraine and Korea getting a rematch with Spain.

Advocaat needs to get the Koreans coming out firing in the second half, it's possible that he'll dip into great cinematic moments of the past and recite Orson Welle's famous speech from "The Third Man":

"In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love—they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."

If you haven't seen it, you should. There's some good zither, man.

47' Swiss corner kick deep in injury time and Frei has a wide-open header at the 6-yard box and sends it well wide of the second post. A horrible effort when it seems like it could have been easier to score. The whistle blows for halftime immediately afterward.

46' Korea now with the momentum in the game and Lee Choo Sun takes another hard, dripping shot that is saved excellently by Zuberbuehler. After the corner is cleared, Choo Sun whips in another shot, wide of the far post. The first shot was really well-placed and forced Zuberbuehler to make a great save to keep the ball out of the net.

45' Another ball is allowed to bounce in the box and Park Chu Young sends a great chance just wide of the near post.

44' Yellow card for Senderos and he has to go get himself patched up again because he's bleeding again. The free kick again pinballs around the box without the Koreans getting a telling touch. Looks like another hand-ball in the box, again hard to avoid.

42' Good cross into the Swiss box and they're at sixes and sevens. They do manage to clear it but it goes straight back to Korea and Lee Choo Sun forces a good save from Zuberbuehler. After the first corner goes over the endline, the second corner causes chaos in the area. Nobody goes after the ball after it comes off a Swiss arm and after it bounces around for a bit, the Koreans knock it over the goal. Smyth thinks it should have been a penalty, it does seem a little harsh, as the arm was held across the front of the chest.

39' Yakin almost picks out Frei on the far post with a cross, the clearance comes straight back to him and he hits a wicked shot that deflects past the goal. The corner kick is fisted out by Lee Woon Jae in a dangerous position as the Swiss are really looking dangerous on the set pieces.

38' Yakin hits a left-footed free kick on frame, Lee Woon Jae goes the safe route and palms it out of play. Korea is lost on the corner kick but eventually clear. The second corner is cleared farther upfield.

36' A sideline shot of Dick Advocaat. Tommy Smyth thinks that retaining a Dutch coach was the right decision for Korea. I guess he wasn't watching Europe 2004, where Advocaat did the best that he could to mess up a Dutch team that could have won it all. Yellow card for Kim Jin Kyu.

34' Free kick from a similar position as the goal, Yakin takes it again and Lee Woon Jae gets to the ball just before an onrushing Wicky. More heads get smacked around as the Koreans play the ball upfield.

31' The Swiss look stronger here as Korea are unable to generate a clear chance for a goal while Switzerland look sharp on the counter. Remember that Korea have made a habit of coming from behind in the World Cup though, so the Swiss shouldn't get complacent here.

26' Frei loops a shot over the ball as Senderos and Choi try and get patched up, the Korean wearing a strange-looking white hairnet to hold a bandage onto his temple.

23' GOOOOOOAAAAALLLL for Switzerland! Off of the free kick following the yellow card, Senderos skies above the defense to power a header into the upper right corner of the goal. Senderos and Choi knock heads on the follow-through from the header and both players come off for treatment, Senderos celebrating the goal as he wears the crimson mask.

23' Yellow for Park Chu Young as he takes down Barnetta from behind, who's been the best player on the pitch so far.

21' Barnetta leads another Swiss counter and they are obviously trying to strike quickly while Korea are still upfield. Cabanas does well to set himself up for a left-footed cross that is cleared by the Koreans.

18' Switzerland get a breakout following a poorly-taken Korean free kick, Cabanas is found offside during the buildup and a good chance goes begging.

17' Frei with a looping volley from 23 yards out, not much velocity on the shot and Lee Woon Jae saves.

15' There's nothing funny about the Swiss team Young Boys. Well, maybe a little, especially when you see a headline like "Hakan Yakin accepts offer from Young Boys".

13' Long shot from Korea is blocked and collected by Senderos, who has emerged as one of the top young defenders in the world with his club team, Arsenal.

12' Frei caught offside for the second time, his timing is a little off and the trap catches him.

10' Barnetta with a great run that's rewarded with a good pass. He has a clean shot at goal from 10 yards out on the right side, he takes too long setting up his shot and the defense gets back to block it. Corner is cleared by Korea.

9' Park Ji Sung, AKA The Oxygen Tank, takes a long shot that has some movement but not a lot of velocity and the keeper holds it with relative ease.

8' Nifty through ball from Barnetta almost puts Frei 1-on-1 with the keeper, who does well to come out and smother the ball.

6' The ball falls for Hakan Yakin in the South Korea area; however, he fails to control the ball and the Koreans do well to clear before winning a free kick deep in their own area.

5' Considering that the teams that advance from this group will play Ukraine and Spain, the odds on Smyth making a "My Fair Lady" joke are fairly good. Neither side able to keep possession right now and the game is fairly chippy.

3' Korea make a great move into the Swiss box, a low cross played across goal fails to find any attackers and the Swiss clear their lines.

1' You are looking liiiiiiiiiive at Hannover, Germany. Broadcast courtesy of ESPN, with my friends Adrian Healy and Tommy Smyth (no "e" and oh, purple horseshoes!) providing the commentary.

PREVIEW: This match has tremendous implications, as no team in this group has clinched qualification and only Togo has been outright eliminated from advancing. Although both Switzerland and Korea have 4 points, 2 more than France, they are aware that France will probably beat Togo, who sits on 0 points. If they do, their goal differential will rize from their current position of 0, while Korea have +1 and Switzerland +2.

If France loses or ties, both Korea and Switzerland will go through with the winner of the game finishing top and Switzerland getting the higher seed if they tie. If they tie and France wins, they must hope that France does so with as small a score as possible.

To sum it (and I didn't cover all the possibilities), Switzerland advances with a tie while Korea can't be sure of anything short of a win, so expect the Koreans to come out attacking.

SWITZERLAND: Switzerland, like the country they play for, is made up of a diaspora of Central European ethnicities. Their coach Kobi Kuhn has concentrated on building a sense of team unity, a concept that is reflected in their style of play, which is concentrated around maintaining a compact formation and attacking on the counter.

Danger Men: Alexander Frei was one of the leading scorers in the French league last year, although he's still to get on track in the Cup. Tranquillo Barnetta is as exciting as his name sounds like a combination sleeping pill-sports car. Watch out for Daniel "Gary" Gygax coming off the bench. Johann Vogel is their most important player and will orchestrate from the middle of the field.

Lineup:

1 Zuberbuehler, Pascal
4 Senderos, Philippe
6 Vogel, Johann
7 Cabanas, Ricardo
8 Wicky, Raphael
9 Frei, Alexander
16 Barnetta, Tranquillo
17 Spycher, Cristoph
20 Mueller, Patrick
22 Yakin, Hakan
23 Degen, Philipp

SOUTH KOREA: South Korea play what a friend described as "lovably archaic football", which means, to those of us who are not acerbic Scots, that they play a physical game based mainly on speed, closing down the opposition and getting the ball into the next by any means possible. They also have the best fans on the planet, capable of out-singing much larger delegations, which means even though Switzerland is right next to Germany, you might hear more from the Koreans.

Danger Men:

Park Ji Sung is the most well-known Korean player, as he plies his trade with Manchester United of England. He also epitomizes the Korean team, as he's fast and fit, not the player with the most flair; however, he gets the job done and never stops working. We'll also get to see Park Chu Young, a rising Korean star who's managed an incredible strike rate in matches for the national team.

Lineup:

1 Lee, Woon Jae
3 Kim, Dong Jin
4 Choi, Jin Cheul
5 Kim, Nam Il
6 Kim, Jin Kyu
7 Park, Ji Sung
10 Park, Chu Young
12 Lee, Young Pyo
14 Lee, Chun Soo
17 Lee, Ho
19 Cho, Jae Jin

We've tried to come up with two countries more radically different than Switzerland and Togo, which is one of those things that make the World Cup great. It's going to be an absolutely crazy week in the World Cup, and we have to start somewhere. So we're starting here.

Your live-blogger today is Craig Barker, who has his own blog at TFTD, an acronym for something of which we are unawares. Email us with thoughts for him, play along in the comments and hey, you kids be safe out there.

Post Game: Togo will go home with nothing, Switzerland will move to the top of the group, and now it gets very interesting on Friday. The Swiss and Koreans have four points and sit atop the group G, they'll play. France will play Togo on Friday. So, hmmm, you could end up with three teams with five points...Hmmm.

Anyway, I'd like to thank all of you for waking up early with me. I'd like to thank all of my peeps who hooked me up with some of the random knowledge you got during the game, and we'll see you again tomorrow. Have a great day. —CDB

Stoppage Time: We'll have three minutes of stoppage time...The corner is punched out, and then the long shot tipped over the crossbar by Zuberbuehler, corner for Togo, and the header goes high...Swizzle goal kick...It's just sort of there now...throw in Togo....still pressing forward, but Switzerland's having none of it...And now a booking for Vogel...Free kick Togo...taken wide, but no, they'll redo the free kick. By the way, love the refs wearing the headset mikes like Garth Brooks. Zuberbuheler snags it and sends it a long punt...And we must be getting close now...And there's the final whistle and that's the ball game.

90th minute: Barnetta's first name is Tranquillo. I don't know why I like that, but I do. Abassa makes a long goal kick, and Togo, to their credit, is still fighting, but not much doing but a corner.

89th minute: And now it's all over but the shouting, a supersub makes a difference and we'll run out the clock here in Dortmund.

88th minute: Like Derek Bell, the Swiss have gone into Operation Shutdown. Unlike Derek Bell, I know where they are right now. The Swiss counter...a one timer, and Barnetta finds the far post for a 2-0 lead. Elegant, elegant play.

87th minute: Togo sends in a lazy cross, easily defended. The Swiss make their last sub...Frei steps off and Lustrinelli comes in.

86th minute: Togo's staring elimination in the face, and it's like a bucket of truth to them....Togo sends in wide, and again, the Swiss mark amazingly well. Now we'll have a Togolese corner, just their second of the match.

85th minute: The Swiss are ready to sub again. A free kick high for Barnetta. Shouldn't Barnetta be wearing 9mm as his jersey number?

84th minute: You know, I have no other chance to say it. I envy Drew Carey (I also have been told I look like him.) He basically has made enough money that he can do whatever he wants with his life and he has chosen to become the U.S. soccer version of a Deadhead. I wonder if he and Lamar Hunt are hanging out in Germany.

83rd minute: Togo now setting up, and again, they were so close, and the Swiss swarm like the Brettano's security force on a shoplifter.

82nd minute: Possession is now about even, and again, well...Switzerland pushes forward and the pass hits their player in the back of the head. Sorry, it was just kind of funny.

81st minute:A long shot by Frei, and it's over...And off the goal kick, the Swiss go in off sides.

80th minute: The Swiss push up...and Togo resets... Like Admiral Stockdale, it feels like I'm watching a ping-pong match out here. And I am also out of ammo.

79th minute: The Swiss counter, and Togo resets...and Switzerland counters again

78th minute: And a Swiss sub as Cabanas gets somked out, he'll need a little THC from his team, and in comes Streller.

77th minute: You know this game is not very exciting, Dave and Marcelo are now talking about other African teams. And you thought I was riffing on nothing.

76th minute: Did you know Adebayor played for Arsenal? Zuberbuehler punts out and Togo collects it.

75th minute: Free kick nearside near the edge of the box for Togo. Switzerland burns time by not giving the ten yards. And the free kick, nothing, cleared by the Swiss with some nice defende, and now Togo resets. A lot of credit to the Swiss defense. Like a Cable Car, they are not in over their heads, in fact, they are very much in the Fray.

74th minute: Marcelo, I know that Togo needs to score, but as my friend Mike likes to remind me, the other team is trying to win the game too.

73rd minute: A nice bicycle effort, nope...Togo pushes across and attempts to reset. Again, pushing up into traffic, and the Swiss defend.

72nd minute: Sing along with the chorus, Togo counters, nothing. Switzerland counters and the cross in saved by Abassa.

71st minute: Now we'll have another corner, Switzerland's seventh of the game....Will it be lucky.............nope, cleared away by Togo. A shot back in, and a low save by Abassa.

70th minute: Derisive Whistles abound as Frei breaks into a million little pieces after a "hard" foul.

69th minute: Togolese sub...Out Dossevi, in Senaya, David Schwimmer, and iced mocha drinks. Togo's looking for a spark.

68th minute: Togo gets its first corner, but well, not so much. Oh, as a warning, Shep Messing is calling the Ukraine game. Ben Franklin once said that "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." Shep Messing is proof that Bristol hates us and wants to be miserable.

67th minute: Now, the Swiss counter punch wide, but the cross is met with a save. Togo plays it in and is defended by Mueller.

66th minute: Togo is pushing, you can sense that the Swizzle sticks are happy to let the Sparrow Hawks take their shots, because it doesn't seem like anything will happen.

65th minute: Oh, I have been told my soccer grammar is wanting. Sorry about that. Togo pushes deep into the corner, resets, and nothing. Now Togo bats it out and we'll have a throwin.

64th minute: Togo offsides leads to a Swiss reset and now the ref...Oh, beautiful chance by Yakin, and again, Abassa up to the task. As the brother of a former All-American goal keeper, I can tell you, the goalie never gets enough credit when they keep their team in it. It's still 1-0 Switzerland.

63rd minute: A foul leads to another Togolese reset. They're trying the outside now. I think next they may try the upside, but like Soundgarden, I have heard they are down on it.

62nd minute: Togo reset, and a shot wide by Salifou. The Swiss are running a perfect movement.

61st minute: Give Togo credit, they are fighting the good fight, but there's nothing doing.

60th minute: The partisan Swiss crowd is making themselves heard. They're singing that song, you know, the one you always hear. But not ole. Meanwhile, the U.S. is still trying to develop its soccer anthem culture, but I think our use of Steam's Kiss Him Goodbye in World Cup 2002 was effective.

59th minute: Corner for the Swizzle, but they'll just chill til the next episode. Adebayor makes a run, but the ball goes out of bounds.

58th minute: A foul leads to a Togolese reset short of midfield, now the Swiss steal, counter, and Alexander Frei makes a great shot, if the goal were atop the summit of Mont Blanc.

57th minute: Togo's setting up in the midfield, but the Swiss are having none of it.

56th minute: Switzerland back forward, but a high cross is picked off by Abassa.

55th minute: Hmm, Marcelo, the heart of your team is also known as the middle. Thank you former USMNT captain obvious. Switzerland holds far side of the offensive end, and now a throw in. Nice thought, but Togo defends and counters.

54th minute: Shania Twain and Mutt Lange make their home in Switzerland. What is it with Canadian singers and Switzerland. Hmm, I now have a craving for some chicken. Believe me, this filler is important, because it's just back and forth again.

53rd minute: Off advantage, Yakin makes a great shot, but it's just wide.

52nd minute: It's a fact: Celine Dion represented Switzerland when she won the Eurovision Song Contest.

Shot in, but again, Zuberbuehler gets it. And another booking, this time it's Romao, and he gets his second, so he'll be out for the finale.

51st minute: Barnetta gets a nice shot off his left foot, but Agassa makes a lovely save. The corner is nothing to right how about, and now Togo counters, but earns a foul in the offensive box.

50th minute: Swiss with a free kick just over the midstripe, but Togo resets.

49th minute: The refs are being evaluated. I just want to know how Dick Bavetta ended up at the top of the sheet. Fouls are coming fast and furious now, and Togo has a free kick just over the midfield line. Zuberbuehler is right there, but gets hammered...no, wait, he gets a lovetap and drops like he's been shot by a sniper.

48th minute: Switzerland attacks, and Togo counters. Togo is really trying to reset, but nothing doing.

47th minute: I just heard Marcelo said Togo has nothing to lose here. Which is not really true, they could lose the game. Hmm, you know, that last sequence tells me that if this were a hockey game, we'd say it was getting chippy. Adebayor gets booked, for arguing afterward.

46th minute: OK, so I have grabbed some food. I've got some groceries, some peanut butter to last a couple of days, but I ain't got time for that now. Hey, where did you get a Cobb salad?

Meanwhile, my comedic cruch, Daniel Gygax, rolled boxcars and is now out. Yakin is in, and Gygax will go sulk with his monster manual.

End of Halftime: OK, so let's reset here. Basically, there's been good flow, which I know from watching enough soccer growing up, is the polite way of saying "Not a whole lot is happening at either offensive end." Meanwhile, one of the questions is, can Switzerland hold on? Well, only time Will(iam) Tell. Can Togo level the score? Who knows, but we have 45 more minutes to find out.

Oh, a little Dortmund knowledge for you from Wikipedia: The Christmas market (Weihnachtsmarkt) is one of the largest in Germany, and is host to the largest "christmas tree" in the world, formed by stacking hundreds of trees into the shape of a pyramid.

Then again, anyone could have added that, so please verify your sources.

Halftime: To save you the googling, by the way, it's Jim Noir doing the song in the ubiquitous adidas commercials.

Hmm, Stockard Channing announcing Manchester United games...No, must stop having the crazy thoughts.

Stoppage time: One minute's worth of stoppage time. And it's one minute of my life that I am never getting back. There's the whistle for the Half. A 1-0 lead for Switzerland at the half. I am going to go get a breakfast Hot Pocket, I'll be back in five.

45th minute: A nice shot by Togo, and a diving header by the Swiss to clear. Kader tries to push forward, but nothing doing. Wow, Salifou gets booked after a very very dangerous Ty Cobb esque slide tackle

44th minute: Togo makes one final first half push. I hope they know their timeout situation, and it's a weak effort. Magestic punt by Zuberbuehler, and now it's just sort of back and forth across the midfield line. I like this, it's like the Swiss want to make you think they are working, when really, they aren't.

43rd minute: Throw in for Togo, but Kader sends it out for a goal kick for Switzerland. The implication from Marcelo is that FIFA, much like KAOS, are not an organization to be messed with. Quick, get me Shtarker.

42nd minute: The Swiss are already playing the Dean Smithesque four corners, stalling, but not so much that it's obvious. As annoying as it is, it is the right strategy, it's just annoying as a fan.

41st minute: It's a nice first half, it's a lot of let them play action, and again, Togo pushes hard and can't decide what to do, earning a goal kick for Switzerland.

40th minute: Long shot by Mamam, but easily handled by Zuberbuehler.

39th minute: The physicality of this game has definitely picked up, but the fouls are not always following. The Togolese push up and again, the Swiss counter. Punt by Agassa.

38th minute: Ooh, the Swiss push forward, and Gygax pushes upward but is just a bit late. And Gygax's magic armor didn't help as he pulls up lame. Punt by the Swiss.

37th minute:The Togolese once again quickly counter, but the Swiss get back on defense, and begins the counter rush, but nothing there, so now the Togolese push back but Kader was offsides. It was a nice coast to coast to coast rush there. Offsides even at 4 all.

36th minute: Goal kick for the Swiss. Wow, seriously, the Togolese got robbed there. Again, a lot of back and forth in the midfield,

35th minute: Oooh, Adebayor is moving up into the box and is tripped up clearly, but NO CALL. That's a huge issue. So, yeah, that's fascinating.

34th minute: They're telling the story about how Adebayor had his former coach canned. Since we're all telling stories since I am a hockey geek, I should mention that both Carolina and Edmonton have connections to Switzerland. Carolina's backup netminder is Martin Gerber, who minded the store for Switerland in the 2006 Olympics, shutting out Canada 2-0. Meanwhile back in 1998, Michel Riesen became the first Swiss-born player to sign an NHL contract when Edmonton locked him up. He played 12 games for the Oilers back in 2000-01 and recorded one assist and is now back with Davos in Switzerland. On the plus side, he did excel at enforcing the neutral-zone trap.

33rd minute: If you're wondering, I love soccer, but seriously, it is beginning to resemble the soccer scene in The Simpsons episode, "The Cartridge Family" Togo builds, but a turn over and then quickly back forward. Adebayor shoots, and Zuberbuehler makes the quick harmless save.

32nd minute: The Swiss push up, but Togo is there for the punt, which goes long. Throw in Togo, and they drop it back to mid to reset.

31st minute: Togo with a free kick and it hooks in, but it's too long and too wide, but you know, other than that, a great effort.

30th minute: The Swiss botch it and Togo try to capitalize but shoot wide. The Swiss counter and seem content to hold possession at midfield. I may have to make that phrase a macro, it's going to come up a lot.

29th minute: The Swiss hold at midfield

28th minute: Gygax rolls an 11 and takes a tumble. Free kick at midfield for Switzerland. And like Dominican ball players, apparently Togo's birth certificates are age whatever you want them to be.

27th minute: Kader with a shot for Togo, and it's a lot of pretty moves but poor choice of shot, as it's again right on on Zuberbuehler, which is I think a sponsor of Plymouth Whalers' hockey. Oh no, wait, that's Zuber Buick, my bad.

26th minute: Togo's Adebayor pushes in a beautiful cross, but no one is home. Get the man some help! Apparently, by the way, my Closed Captioning wants Togo to get some more men in the Biloxi.

25th minute: And we get our first sub of the game as Agboh goes off and Salifou goes in for Togo. Salifou had started against Korea, so we'll see if this can provide a little more punch for the Sparrow Hawks.

24th minute: The Swiss again push up, but it's very Oakland soccer, there's not a whole lot of there there. Togo resets, but the Swiss defense counters quickly.

23rd minute: Togo with another shot right on.

22nd minute: Togo is looking confused, and the Swiss look like they want to make them pay, which, of course, would go into a private numbered account in Zurich.

21st minute: Gygax rolls a six and it's an offsides. Marcelo just made the point and I am glad I am not the only one, in pushing up so much, the Swiss are opening themselves up to a quick counter attack, but Togo is not able to do anything yet. It's like the Swiss are leaving holes.

20th minute: By the way, for all of you Swiss fans out there, I'd like to apologize that this entry is not written in Helvetica. Offside by the Swiss and Togo will counter. A long ball, out of bounds and a throw in for the Swiss, who play it back.

19th minuteA rare foul and Togo pushes forward, and, nope, offsides. There genuinely is a good flow in this match.

18th minute: Like Roger McDowell, we learn that Alexander Frei is the second spitter. Corner for the Swiss. It's a modified short corner and cleared out by Togo.

17th minute: And Switzerland finds the back of the net as Alexander Frei, their striker, gets a beautiful set up and puts Switzerland up 1-0. So much for my theory on possession meaning very little.

16th minute: Switzerland's running an almost 2:1 possession edge, but as we have seen, that means very little. Togo gets a quick shot, but the keeper is more than up to the task.

15th minute: Our Pittsburgh bureau checks in: "You know, Craig, I hesitate to call it a conspiracy theory, but Togo was believed to be behind the death of Princess Diana. They had released a Princess Diana stamp the week before her death, and the sudden upswing in sentimental purchasing filled the coffers of the Gnassingbé Eyadéma regime. I hesitate to call it a conspiracy theory because I only know one person who thought it, he didn't really believe it, really all they would need is one Togolese driver, so it kind of fails the whole conspiracy definition, so it's more like a lone guy hypothesis."

My friends are insane, but that is why they are my friends.

Oh, and in game action...Togo pushes it forward, but the Swiss defense are sounding the clarion call of the alpenhorn, rallying the troops and push back towards center.

14th minute: Gygax's shot earns Switerland a corner, and the long service is well defended, but the Swiss hold on.

13th minute: Now Togo will reset and push forward. The Swiss steal and counter attack, but nothing comes of it.

12th minute: A Swiss throw-in, and we're back to more possession by the Swiss at midfield.

11th minute:Now, a corner kick chance for the Swiss. It's a short corner, well defended by the Togo defenders.

10th minute: The Swiss are just holding it in midfield, no attack, but they are Swiss, so it sort of figures.

9th minute: In the interests of equal time, I see that Switzerland's coach Jakob "Kobi" Kuhn lead his nation to a pair of World Cups in the 1960s. The Togolese are pushing in hard, crossing it across the six, and a header that misses just wide.

8th minute: The Swiss give it up at midfield, but Togo takes it in off sides.

7th minute: A word about Togo's coach Otto "Price" Pfister. What exactly does your career trajectory look like when you have gone from coaching Rwanda to Burkina Faso to Senegal to Côte d'Ivoire to Zaire (now Democratic Republic of the Congo) to Ghana to Bangladesh to Togo? Goal kick by Togo, nothing major.

6th minute: Togo gets a quick transition shot, but it's right at Bueller.

5th minute:The Swiss are holding deep, and there's a long shot by Cabanas, but no dice.

4th minute: Deep defensive end throw in by Togo, and the Swiss control in the middle of the field. It's very much in the feeling out stages right now.

3rd minute: It's worth noting that the last time the Swiss scored in the World Cup was actually a game that I attended, their 4-1 victory over Romania at the Pontiac Silverdome during the 1994 World Cup. It's a fact, do with it what you will.

Switzerland pushes play up, but again, nothing doing. Gygax rolls a natural 1, but it's a fumble. The Swiss push again, but its cleared out of the box.

2nd minute: Tchangai is wearing the captain's armband for Togo in place of Abalo. Togo's made several changes to their starting lineup for this game, so we'll have to see how well that pays off for them.

Togo takes an early oppurtunity, but nothing comes of it. Foul by Togo's Agboh.

1st minute: The Worldwide Leader smiles upon us, as its Dave O'Brien and Marcelo Balboa. Woo woo.

It's a wet pitch in Dortmund today, a cool afternoon with a light rain and roughly 66 degrees. That would be Fahrenheit. I would really be worried about global warming if that were Celsius.

An early goal kick for Togo

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Check 1...2...3...4..."Thunder Road" baby, "Thunder Road".

Hello ladies and gentlemen, my name's Craig Barker, and I'll be taking you through the next ninety minutes of action from Signal Iduna Park in Dortmund, the Group G blood feud that is...Togo and Switzerland. It goes without saying that an important game for both sides. Of course, I just said it, so, anyway...

The Sparrow Hawks of Togo are trying to rebound from the team's 2-1 loss to the South Koreans, so keep your eye on them, as they will also do this without their captain Jean-Paul Abalo, who was booked in the 53rd minute of the Korea match. The other big news of the weekend is that Togo has been, to steal a line from Neko Case, Maybe Sparrows, as their participation in this game was thrown into doubt after still not having received the bonuses promised them for qualifying for their first World Cup. Reuters states that "Players from the tiny West African country have demanded 155,000 euros ($196,300) each to play and 30,000 euros for each win, half that for each draw. But officials from the country with an average per capita income of well below $1,000 have said those demands are too high." Aim high gentlemen, aim high!

Meanwhile, the Oath Comrades of neutral Switzerland are trying to earn three critical points after their goalless draw with France in the first game. With the 1-1 result in Leipzig yesterday between the French and Korean sides, this is still any team's group. Word out of Bern is that the Swiss consider this game of the utmost importance; I've been told that they've gone so far as to raise their defense condition to the highest level, a beige alert.

I've got my crack research staff (as opposed to my research staff on crack) covering my back and we're hoping to give you a glitch-free rundown of this action. I also realize I am stepping into the time slot that was held down all last week by the Mighty MJD, so that is some major shoes to fill.

Oh, and to start the discussion fodder in the comments, I need your help. I'm building the playlist for my tenth high school reunion, and the only restriction I placed on it was, that in order to capture the proper Zeitgeist, the songs had to be released between 1992 and 1996. So, if you have any suggestions, please throw them in the comments and I'll check them out later. Thank you for your support.

Meanwhile, to save the grousing, since Will didn't do it, here's a picture of female fan of Switzerland, a Swiss Miss if you will. And here is Togo's representative, Miss World Cup 2006, Edwige Madze Badakcu.

Oh, and TFTD is just the shortened form of the blog's original name, Thought for the Day. People looking for actual inspiration kept landing on my site, hence the shortform.

Referees: It's an all Paraguayan crew headed by Carlos Amarilla. An electrical engineer by trade, you may remember Carlos from his efforts in the U.S./Czech Republic game. Sadly, Spanish is not the official language of either nation, so expect a lot of gesturing to explain.

National Anthems: The Swiss national anthem is "Swiss Psalm" a piece written by Alberich Zwyssig which has lyrics in English as well as all four of Switzerland's national languages, French, German, Italian, and Romansch. It replaced the previous anthem because the Swiss were concerned that it was based on a British tune, namely "God Save the King". Wow, replacing your anthem because you're worried it sounds British. Well, I've heard worse reasons.

The Togolese anthem is "Salut à toi, pays de nos aïeux", or "Hail to thee, land of our forefathers" which has served as Togo's anthem from 1960-1979 and again from 1991 to the present. (One party rule led to a different, much peppier anthem during the interim.)

So he should enjoy this one, with France taking on Switzerland in Stuttgart, home of the T-shirt launching Mastercard employees. We still think it might be more fun to watch France and Switzerland try to fight a war against each other, but in lieu of that, we'll take a soccer game, just fine.

Your live-blogger is Alex Churchill, who took us home yesterday during the Italy-Ghana match. Leave us your "Charles In Charge"-esque comments, and if you have any messages for Alex himself, send them to us and we'll make sure he gets them. And enjoy!

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FULL TIME: As Dick Howard again tells us that it was a chess match, we let the sun set on a thoroughly indifferent nil nil draw. The Swiss have to walk away happy from this one as it does open up a slight crack of possibility that they might advance. As for France, they are currently blinded by the sights of both their own nation, as well as London and ladies underpants.

MAN OF THE MATCH: I have to pull for Ribery, even though he just couldn't finish what he started.

THAT'S ALL VOLKS, I can only hope to type at y'all again real soon.

92: The free kick is released, and Alexander Frei, living up to his surname, attempts to cheat by pulling a hand of god. The ref, unimpressed hands the Swiss their 117th yellow card of the match.

91: With 3 minutes added on, a free kick off a near red-cardable tackle in the French end. Before the kick hoes off, Sagnol joins his fullback partner in shame by taking a yellow in the scrum.

89: As the security people tromp into the stadium, Dohlosou, on in substitution for Wiltord (shows what I know) gets the best chance of the match, pipping one to the right of the Swiss goal.

85: Another nice French mid-field move that seems to stall just before getting into range. The Swiss defence has, thus far, proven very much more like old cheddar or a really rhiny Pecorrino than the obvious cheese metaphor.

84: Wiltord is removed from the proceedings, presumably for more pace or something else I'm too non-French to understand.

81: Wiltord streaking down the left side, outside foots the ball to Zidane on the trot who chips it between two defenders juuuuuust at the far end of Wiltord's stretch. Remember when I said that Zidane was like golf? I meant Golden Tee, on an easy level. As you can probably assume, my only exposure to Golden Tee is through Simmons never actually having played the game myself.

80: Switzerland wins a free kick (or, perhaps a Frei kick) in the French half. Before it's taken, Wicky comes on for Margairaz. Which is Wicky, Wicky wack you ask me. The FK gets driven into the French wall.

77: This match is taking second place to the strange drama developing below the big screen in the bar I'm in. There is a gent with not one, not two, but three phones, home phones mind, connected to his lap top and answering them as different businesses. I should ask him for a job. Or jobs.

74: Proving that one one Swiss is sometimes better than another Djourou comes in for Muller — I can only wish I had the technical aptitude to include the oomlats on that name. Or to correctly spell oomlats for that matter. I'll stick with power dots from now on.

71: Cabanas gets booked for a hard tackle, Zidane gets booked by taking the ensuing free kick before the ref whistled it in. In a game of inches, Gallas missed by millimeters on the second free kick after the second yellow card. Got that?

70: Ribery out and Saha in. Now, I realize that this is one of those subs that has a tactical depth that I, a mere colonial, could not possibly understand but why do you take out the one guy who has consistently been giving the opponent fits?

66: We have a real injury! Swiss defender Ludovic Magnin appears to have injured his ankle. He also appears to be attended to by half the staff of the Mayo Clinic

64: FANTASTIC chance on the counter-attack by Frei. Proving his predatory nature in the box, he jumps on a long ball right in front of Barthez and then attempts to jam it down his ugly mug. Both the shot and Frei are repulsed.

63: Eric Abidal takes a yellow card for France, which leads to a Swiss free kick. It curls in and Barthez clears it with one of those clasped hands girly-punchy things that always remind me of grade school athletes too inept even for volleyball.

61: Fantastic run by Barnetta I believe, he tries to slot it into Frei charging up the center, but the play gets broken into a million little pieces by Silvestre. Sorry, I just saw the opportunity to use that gag slipping away.

59: Great full-back play on both sides.

58: Wonderful tackle on Makele by Swiss defender Senderos leads to a French corner. Which sounds like something that might happen at your finer hotels.

56: SWISS SUB: Streller for Gygax

56: Degen takes a yellow card for the aforementioned Swiss finish, but without the customary free kick. Our announcer is incensed. I am not so much incensed as confused.

55: Zidane takes a Swiss finish in the face. Contrary to the joy such a turn of events would lead to at the rub n' tug, he looks rather miffed.

54: Ribery is simply ripping up the Swiss midfield.

50: Henry wins a clever corner off a long ball from the midfield. Nothing comes of it other than Ribery looking disgusted.

47: Zidane and Ribery conspire to give Viera much, much more than he deserves. Thankfully, North London and Roy Keane's favourite asshole slides it wide. Not to worry, I'm sure some of his brother/agents will be there to clean up the mess.

46: French corner won by Makelele. on the ensuing set play, Viera attempts to get the Swiss keeper in Dutch with a bit of play acting.

START OF 2H: Consider me -1 on Jose +10. In other news, TSN (that's like our weirdo Canadian socialized medicine version of ESPN) pundit and all-around joke Dick Howard says this game has thus far been like a chess match. Cheese match is more like it. Second half subs? I don't know. But baseball, been bery bery good to me.

BIG HALF TIME NEWS! Peter Crouch will abandon his robot goal victory unless England wins the World Cup! By the time England wins the World Cup, Peter Crouch won't just do the robot, good parts of him will BE one.

HALF TIME of HALF TIME: The talk is revolving around the disputed handball. Ball to hand? Hand to ball?

HALF TIME: Largely, the tentative match that seemed to be expected from two teams who know one another quite well. Frei had a golden opportunity while Henry and Ribery both had their share. Zidane is still divine, I don't care if he's 86.

45: I'm sorry, but watching Zidane play is like golf: It is that one shot that keeps you coming back. Just before half he essentially scoops the ball over a Swiss defender trying to hit Ribery. Ribery is tied up in the run, but what a magnificent ball from Zizou. If he decided to start foot painting, he would be the best.

44: Another yellow card to the Swiss. This time the French quickly take the free kick, Henry runs it right into the keepers hands

43: That French chance back at 37? Handball for sure. Fine, you try typing and watching at the same time.

42: A yellow card is handed out for not having kicked the ball to touch while Henry was acting out his personal drama in the Swiss end.

41: The crowd is raining whistles down on the field after Henry slid at a long ball in the Swiss end and gave himself a boo boo. The Swiss, showing typical pragmatism, do not kick the ball to touch.

39: Zidane takes the ball just his side of half, turning, picking up speed and - seemingly without looking - whips it down field to a streaking Henry who nutmegs the defender on the shot right into the hands of the waiting keeper. Henry is, to my mind, a bit like a French Ian Wright.

37: Ribery is loosed onto the right side by a MAGNIFICENT ball, he gets in alone and chooses to pass to a trailing Zizou coming up the middle. In the nomenclature of the hockey that is in the ascendant in these parts... SHOOT IT!

PS: Elephant ass = high and smelly

32: Henry rifles one wide from the edge of the box. The Swiss keeper saves it despite its wideness. He appears to be very dedicated to performing that task. Soon thereafter, Frei is taken down rather rudely whilst in the process of contemplating a bicycle kick in front of Barthez. FIFA sanctioned officials employ wisdom and experience to determine "no foul"

30: Free kick to France leads to a move through Zidane and Henry to Ribery who elephant asses it up and over the Swiss goal. Good chance, poor finish - like many of my attempts at "losing it"

28: Swiss defender Philipp Degen does a nice job on Ribery on the left side forcing a goal kick. He's going to be busy if the fly boy of football Francais keeps this up.

27: Zidane coughs up the ball in the Swiss end and the ensuing counter attack seems to die like a similar move in a men's beer league. Very strange.

26: That was the first serious opportunity for either side, something tells me the Swiss won't get too many more. That having been said, they seem to be growing in confidence.

23: Free kick to Switzerland - Barnetta takes and THE FRENCH DEFENSE DESINTEGRATES (we've seen that before), Frei rings it off the wood, gets it back and then roofs it. That should have been 1-0 Switzerland.

21: It is pointed out that no fewer than 6 of the Swissies could be eligible to play for other countries. I'm thinking the Pittsburgh Steelers do not front a similar flash of internationalism. With the exception of noted Swiss motorcycle enthusiast BR.

20 MINS: Long ball to Henry who dribbles the ball across the 6 yard area.

18: Nice strike by the wonderfully monikered Swissie Tranquillo Barnetta. I think "tranquillo" is relax in Spanish. I can only imagine hypnotherapy in Spanish would be a confusing event for our man.

17 MINS: In direct contrast to yesterday's cracking Italy Ghana game (I'm sticking with my description of citizens of Ghana as Ghanese BTW), this game has had the thrills of an insurance convention.

14:43 The picture froze here for a moment, leaving me feeling sad and sleepy.

12 MINS: Free kick off a foul on Wiltord just outside the area - Zidane lobs it in in the general direction of Gallas. It is headed away by the Swiss like so many GATT guidelines on banking secrecy. Which lines up a cross, Zizou takes and... nothing.

11 MINS: The aforementioned Cabanas unleashes a worm burner from I'd say, about 35 yards. It slides wide.

10:30 A flash of Zidane of old as he runs over Ricardo Cabanas in the mid-field to win a free kick

9 MINS: We have a cold war stew out there - Russian refs, American SL crew and neutral Switzerland making France look good.

5:22 We enter a time warp for the first two thirds of the best chance so far as Zizou flips onto Wiltord and he crosses (too high) for Henry.

4:30 A nice Swiss movement (wait, let it rest, it'll come to you) yields the first real opportunity of the match.

3:30 Ribery again flashes up, this time on the right side

2 MIN: Ribery shows some of the brilliance that makes him a favourite with ALL the ladies. In the process, he blows by a slightly confused looking ZiZou in the hole.

OPENING WHISTLE: The international feed throws to a shot of the pull-tabs of the Swiss shoes. Cool white crosses on red. Quick, someone call Paul Lukas!

COIN FLIP: Zidane, his bald pate as shiny as the object of his attention at the moment, wins the coin toss. His purposeful stride back to the bench inspires a rousing round of La Marsellais (sp).

PRE-GAME: So, thanks to the raging incompetence of the Republic of Ireland in Group 4 qualifying, both Switzerland and France are invading Germany (for a change). These squads played one another twice over the course of qualifying — with the Swissies picking up a pair of confidence-boosting ties in the process.

Of course, in France, the real story of qualifying was the dream-inspired return of Zizou, the man who controlled French destinies in both 2002 and 1998 — with drastically differing results. Factor in a Euro2000 win and it is easy to see why Zidane is more popular in France than capitulation. It gets the press, but for the purposes of this match, the Zidane story is a sideline. The real story is who will replace the skill and broken leg of Liverpool striker and dye model Djibril Cisse next to the REAL star of this squad, Thierry Henry. The answer, much to the consternation of the ink stained wretches of France, is another oldster, Sylvain Wiltord. Further contributing to their stress level is Raymond Domenech's selection of Mr. Linda Evangelista himself Fabien Barthez between the pipes. Also, watch for the current it boy in the mid-field at the Stade de France, Franck Ribery.

As for the Swiss, a 12-year break from this stage has not only allowed them to further corner the global market on cuckoo clocks and chocolate, but also develop some fine young talent. Foremost amongst it is star striker (and Totti-esque spitter) Alexander Frei. ESPN tells me he is a "natural predator in the box" which, while frightening in the extreme to me, should keep the French fullbacks on their toes. Also, keep an eye on Johann Vogel (#6) in the mid-field as he goes toe to toe with Ribery.

All in all, this group G match is one that France is expected to win and failure to do so would result in a Cantona drop kick to the chest. The Swiss, should they pull out another tie in this one could harbour hopes of advancing. If there is any justice in the world, this banking rich alpine heaven will finally overcome the crushing disappointment of their surroundings and pull this one off.

• 1. Let's Get Ready To Rumble! Benjamin Huggel received a six-match ban for fighting with Turkey's Alpay (the guy in the headlock in the video here), the most infamous moment in this World Cup Qualifiers. Both play professionally in Germany, and apparently were suspended again for fighting in a league game. The Turkish team was punished more severely; they were determined to have started the brawl, along with their projectile hurling fans. The Swiss, of course, maintained neutrality until attacked (we couldn't resist). — (thanks to Eric Race).

• 2. Something For The Ladies. MySwitzerland.com would like to let you women know that, while the men are in Germany watching the World Cup, there are things for you to do, um, just over the border. We wouldn't open this at work, by the way. — (thanks to Sarah J. and wolfie, via Dave Barry).

• 3. We're Getin Hakin. Which country would you think Hakin Yakin plays for? That's right, Switzerland. First, it's impossible to read one of his interviews without giggling at the words: "said Yakin." Also, we don't know what it actually sounds like, but you can get a Hakin Yakin ringtone. The lyrics are: "were getin hakin were getin yakin were getin HAKIN YAKIN." By the way, FIFA president Sepp Blatter is from Switzerland. No word yet if he has a ringtone.

• 4. Longest Of Longshots. If recent history is any indication, we wouldn't bet on the Swiss in June. Its best performances in the World Cup have been reaching the quarterfinals in 1934, 1938 and when the country hosted the event in 1954. Switzerland also won silver at the 1924 Olympics.

(Monday: Serbia and Montenegro)