It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Texas Lawyers Love To Send Letters

LEGAL DEMAND NOTICE -

Mr. Daulerio & Mr. Bennett;

This email is from the Texas Rangers Baseball Club legal department. It has come to our attention that your website has posted a photograph of our family-friendly Texas Rangers "Six-Shooters" female group with the headline "Whores Are Coming To Dallas " as the immediately preceding caption, at: here

We hereby demand that you promptly remove the photograph of our group. Placing our group's photograph by the word "whore" is libel and implies an association between our family-friendly group and that highly offensive word. Failure to remove the photograph promptly may result in legal action. Please let me know if you have questions. Thank you.

Lindsay Caldwell

Legal Department

Texas Rangers Baseball Club

And This Is Why Drew Sticks To Dick Jokes

•

Just out of curiosity, why do random nobodies at ESPN who allegedly had affairs get named on Deadspin, but someone who voluntarily and admittedly lies about their treatment at a charity event remains nameless? Honestly, they all seem like assholes and I could give a fuck about any of them, but it seems unfair.

•

The guy who claimed he got tossed around while seeking Ali's autograph is indeed an asshole. But wouldn't the whole problem have been avoided if you'd sought confirmation of some sort from ASU and Murphy before slapping the guy's accusations on the Internet?

I love your site, but it might be a good idea to tread with just a little more care.

CTW

•

I hope you reach out to him and personally apologize. In fact, I think you owe an apology to the entire ASU family.

Pat Murphy has not only been a great coach, but an outstanding human in his almost 20 years coaching at ASU. When I read your posting earlier today it made me sick. Not because of the alleged behavior, but because I knew that the story was obviously BS and that Murph's reputation was being unfairly through the mud. The only saving grace was that the commenters seemed to see through the story, that fact speaks volumes.

I like most of your stuff Drew, but you f#$cked up big on this.

BTW, if you give me the clown's name that sent in that story, I'll be glad to pay him a visit.

•

Drew,

The least you can do for Coach Murphy is offer an apology and provide contact information for his charity. The story may have been fabricated, but you were the one who posted it without fact checking it or following up in any way. In fact, it would still be up right now if not for the thoughtful words of Mr. Policar, who demonstrated tremendous reserve in his response. I cannot even imagine what I would do if someone posted such egregious lies about a close friend of mine. Your non-apology of a post makes you this biggest asshole out of this whole situation.

But WHITE IS RIGHT

Barry:

I read your excerpt regading Sammy Sosa's lightened complexion and agree with you until you say: "He just wants to be beautiful."

Sammy Sosa wants to be WHITE. It is unclear what his motivation is behind turning white. Being BEAUTIFUL is a totally different motivation and one would NOT need to be white in order to be beautiful. Naomi Campbell is beautiful, Denzel Washington is beautiful, Iman is beautiful, Michelle Obama is beautiful, Tyson Beckford is beautiful, Halle Berry is beautiful, and the list of beautiful black people goes on and on.

Your wording continues to perpetuate the illogical conclusion that White = Beautiful. Its illogical because all Colors are beautiful, including white. Not just white in and of itself.

Now, This Is More Like It

Hey, how you doin'?

Just ran across your piece of shit website.
Sent this e-mail because there is no way I would register on your site
I am 50 years old, a life time steeler fan. Born in Jersey Shore, PA. (west of Williamsport, Home of little league world series. check a map, if you know how to read one!)

The only thing I agree with you on is band wagon jumpers are fucking ass holes. That's why I hate COWBOY fans.
I have been a steeler fan through good AND bad.

Quit your sniveling cry baby.

Have nice day.......

There Are Drawbacks To Being Number One On The New York Times Bestseller List

Hi,

Would you pay money for an exclusive picture of Bill Simmons' wife? If so, how much?

Thank you,
Ed

Josh Hamilton spoke to ESPN Radio in Dallas and after giving his usual props to J.C., points out that the jeers have not really gotten worse since the naughty pictures came out. Mostly because the kind of folks who come to a stadium to yell things like "where's the whipped cream!?" would have probably been screaming about his smack addiction anyway.

So yeah, there are some jeers, but there also cheers and he's still pretty much the hero he's always been. Maybe better. He's been on a tear this month, going hitless in only three games since this website posted the pictures and raising his average nearly 40 points in the process.

It kind of lit a fire under my butt as far as proving to people who sold the pictures, who tried to bring me down, tried to bring the team down. They thought it would be devastating to me to put that out there."

Man ... I may be wrong, but I think we just got faced.

Josh Hamilton Will Make A Good Evangelist Some Day [Sports Radio Interviews]

Narron has been at Hamilton's side since their days in Cincinnati (where Narron's brother, Jerry, was the manager). The two bonded over their shared faith, and when Hamilton was traded to the Rangers, Narron followed him. Today, he serves, in Sports Illustrated's words, as a "baseball mentor, personal confidant and chaperone." He is not a babysitter, as Hamilton has pointed out, but he does keep tabs on his charge's whereabouts and stays in an adjoining hotel room on the road.

"I'm with him all the time," Narron says. Which is why Narron doesn't "put a lot of faith" in the photos I've described for him. "He doesn't have to ask me to go anywhere. He tells me where he's going to be."

Narron was with him last spring, during Spring Training in Surprise, Ariz., which lies about 50 miles from Tempe, on the other side of Phoenix. That's where the photos were taken, in March. (UPDATE: The photos were taken in January, according to Hamilton.) I ask if it's possible Hamilton went to any bars there. "Not to my knowledge," Narron says, adding, "He recognizes that addiction to him was all-encompassing — alcohol, drugs." He notes that Hamilton undergoes regular drug tests (he's screened every three days) and "hasn't tested positive."

"I'm sure, in the depths of his drug addiction, he was in a lot of bars," Narron goes on, suggesting that the photos predate Hamilton's recovery or perhaps were doctored. "He was in and out of bars, crackhouses, everything. There are probably photographs of him in all kinds of places."

Narron hasn't seen any evidence of a backslide. We spoke on Friday afternoon. Only the night before, he tells me, Hamilton had gone out with teammates Dustin Nippert, Derek Holland, David Murphy. Upon returning, he popped into Narron's room and announced, "Hey, I'm back."

"I would just be shocked if [the photos] have any validity," Narron says. "He's obviously high-profile. A lot of people are pulling for him, and some people would like to see him fail. There are all types. We deal with the negative comments, take it and move on.

"The young man went through an awful lot. He admitted he made mistakes. He fought his way back from an addiction some people say you cannot overcome. He's tried to do everything he can to work through his faith to do the right thing. He's a very big inspiration to a lot of people. He's attempted to do it the right way, inspire people, be the man, the husband, the father he wants to be. It'd be a shame to see anybody try to tear that down."

His last update from the ceremony:

I've seen 30 different dudes try flirting with the trophy girls, making trophy wives? hahaha

Come on, guy! Flirting with award show trophy girls is the only moment of fun most of these fellas get in a year. (Besides playing children's games for million-dollar salaries, of course.) Why do you gotta call them out on interweb blog sites? That's not being very "bro-like." But one guest in particular received special attention from Wilson.

Those messages were later deleted from Wilson's feed, but helpfully preserved by this website that refuses to let your most embarrassing online moments die a noble death. If you can't even make small talk with a statuesque statue holder without getting called on it, then what's the point of being a superstar?

C.J. Wilson (str8edgeracer) [Twitter]
Chris Berman Finds New Leather, C.J. Wilson Tweets It [Walkoff Walk]

For those of you too young to remember the 1970s (lucky you), on a night much like tonight in 1974, the Indians hosted the Rangers with a special beer promotion that drew 25,000 fans, or roughly three times the average attendance, to the ball yard. Eight ounces of tasty, tasty Stroh's for just one thin dime. Can you paint the picture in your head?

The teams were not the best of friends (they had brawled in Texas a week earlier) and things got a little heated late in the game—a game that featured multiple streakers, mooners, and hot dog throwers. The event even has its own Wikipedia page, which helpfully explains.

The ugliness escalated when Cleveland's Leron Lee hit a line drive into the stomach of Rangers pitcher Ferguson Jenkins, after which Jenkins dropped to the ground. The fans in the upper deck of Municipal Stadium cheered, then chanted "Hit 'em again! Hit 'em again! Harder! Harder!"

As the game progressed, more fans ran onto the field and caused problems. Ranger Mike Hargrove (who would manage the Indians and lead them to the World Series 21 years later) was pelted with hot dogs and spit, and at one point was nearly struck with an empty gallon jug of Thunderbird.

Citation needed! Things came to a frosty head in the ninth when a fan tried to steal Texas outfielder Jeff Burroughs' hat. Burroughs tripped and fell down, his teammates thought he was under attack and charged out of the dugout with bats. (Yes, Billy Martin was involved.) A full-fledged riot ensued, players were hit with bottles, chairs, fists, and eventually Cleveland had to forfeit. The local station broadcasting the game showed a tremendous lack of foresight into the coming YouTube age and switched off the live broadcast as soon as it turned ugly. Still, good times all around.

And that's why 35 years later, a local Cleveland watering hole is memorializing the occasion with ... 10-cent drafts of Stroh's. And some wholesome rock music. Please tell me Mike Hargrove will be there.

Cleveland Bar Celebrates 35th Anniversary of Ten Cent Beer Night with Ten Cent Beer [Cleveland Scene]
ModernTube: 'The Ballad Of 10-Cent Beer Night' [Big League Stew]
This Day in Baseball History: June 4th, 1974 [Way Back and Gone]
Page 2: Remembering 10-Cent Beer Night [ESPN, 2008]

Danley was working the plate for last night Rangers-Blue Jays game in Toronto, when Hank Blalock sliced his bat in half on an infield popup. The barrel of the bat came around on the follow through of his swing and plunked Danley on the side of his head, knocking him for a loop. He was taken to the hospital, but reportedly did not lose consciousness.

Ironically, Danley may have been protected by the hockey-style mask that he adopted after getting hit in the face by a pitch last April at Dodger Stadium. (He was wearing the old school catcher's mask back then.) He was out of action for about six weeks as result of that injury and was also knocked out of a game in 2006 when he got hit on the collarbone. So either Danley needs to find a new line of work or he should start calling games from behind a motorcycle helmet and a police riot shield. Or how about the inside of a phone booth?

Home plate umpire Kerwin Danley struck in head by broken bat shard [Canadian Press]
Cruz, Kinsler homer as Rangers beat Blue Jays 5-4 [AP]

Boston took a 10-run lead after one inning. Yep. But it wasn't nearly enough: It took Kevin Youkilis’ go-ahead homer in the eighth — over the Green Monster — to secure the win. David Ortiz had a pair of three-run homers. The teams combined for 36 runs, tying the AL record set on June 29, 1950, when the Red Sox beat the Philadelphia Athletics 22-14. There were a combined 37 hits. The 19 runs were the most scored by the Red Sox this season. The Rangers had 20 hits — just like they did on Monday.

Texas’ Marlon Byrd and Boston’s Dustin Pedroia had five hits each. Marlon Byrd! Ortiz had six RBI, Youkilis had five. And Rangers starter Scott Feldman allowed 12 runs ... and did not get the loss. Beautiful.

Much hilarity on the Sons of Sam Horn message board, as the Sox Faithful sweated out the final two innings. Some highlights:

"Epic squander. And they would have got nothing if not for Vazquez." — templeUsox

"Fucking squander squad. I can't wait to hear what Tito will say after this loss. Can't wait." — WaynehousieHOF

"Hey, shit for brains, instead of letting the hose rip some guy's mustang, pick the fucking thing up." — Norm Seibern

"Is this the Little League World Series?" — The_Powa_of_Seiji_Ozawa

"I blame this suckfest on Zink shaving his head before the game. He was doing exceptionally down in Pawtucket with a full head of hair...doesn't he understand anything about baseball, don't mess with what's working." — The_Powa_of_Seiji_Ozawa

It was also a game the Red Sox really needed; they're 3 games behind the Rays in the East. And all of this without Manny!

Youkilis' Three-Run HR Gives Red Sox Wild, 19-17 Win Over Rangers [NBCSports]

Busted Coverage turned up this video featuring a Rangers fan of [consults euphemism robot he lets sleep on his couch] considerable avoirdupois whose gut plunges a good foot or so below his waistline. That is the tehest of sexy. Incidentally, I'm sure that's the only time he's had something with only one X covering his upper body in some time.

It is, though, my sad duty to report the Rangers lost the July 10 game against the Angels during which this video was shot, so Mr. Blubberbuss won't have to follow through on his Speedo promise, therefore preventing Arlington, Texas from achieving the distinction of being the first all-blind town in America. A shame. They'd already designed the pamphlets and everything.

Make no mistake, the Times knows exactly what it's doing. It's only a matter of time before Bradley's famous temper spectacularly erupts, and the paper wants a front-row seat for all the excitement. Which is why they had to be a bit disappointed with the first effort; in which Bradley describes a game of dominoes with Eddie Guardado and Eric Hurley. What?

Ron Washington was standing over my shoulder talking trash like he always does and had everybody laughing hysterically when he asked me to come see him in his office for a minute. I dropped everything and headed to his office wondering: “What have I done now?”

Boooring. Although it's a testament to Bradley's body of work that he thinks he could be in trouble and not even know what he did. I respect that.

Despite the dull start, rest assured that I will be checking in with this blog daily.

Milton Bradley: 'What Have I Done Now?' [New York Times]

From Jason Whitlock's column in the Kansas City Star:

“Here’s a guy, with all the troubles he’s had, has shown that if you work at it, you can get your life back in order,” Lefevbre said on the telecast Wednesday, referring to Hamilton. “And that would be a pretty good role model for Milton Bradley, who clearly has no control over himself, because it’s the same thing year after year. This game, this country, really if you follow baseball, has really embraced Josh Hamilton. I think they’ve wanted to do the same with Milton Bradley, but Milton Bradley has refused to allow himself to be put in that position.”

It's the kind of tortured logic that could only come from Bradley: "How dare you call me an out-of-control hothead! I'll come up to the booth and KILL YOU for that!"

Bradley's next campaign: To rid the city of that wall-crawling menace, Spider-Man.

Bradley, Lefebvre Both Made Harmless Mistakes [The Kansas City Star]
Milton Bradley Would Like A Word If You've Got A Minute [Deadspin]

A Kansas City police officer was posted outside the TV booth after Bradley climbed four flights of stairs and reached the press level at Kauffman Stadium before being brought back to the clubhouse by Daniels. A visibly upset Bradley was fighting back tears in the clubhouse when speaking to teammates. “All I want to do is play baseball and make a better life for my kid,” Bradley said. “I’m strong, but I’m not that strong.”

Bradley was upset by comments made by Lefebvre during Texas' 11-5 win over the Royals. So what exactly was said? Lefebvre says he doesn't remember. “We were complimenting Josh Hamilton on how he’s turned his life around and taken responsibility for his mistakes,” said Lefebvre, who partners with analyst Frank White. “Frank and I were having a conversation on how it’s a shame that it doesn’t appear that Milton Bradley has done the same thing in his life."

Hard to believe that the same mild-mannered player who injured himself going after an umpire and has given us so many other fine wholesome baseball moments would charge a TV booth like that. But like Daniels said, I'm sure it was just to discuss the issue calmly. Pay no attention to the axe he brought along.

• In Case You Were Curious About The Game ... David Murphy had two homers, including a grand slam, to lead the Rangters over the Royals 11-5.

• Prognosis Negative. The test results are in, and it was determined that the Cardinals' Albert Pujols will miss at least three weeks due to a strained calf suffered on Tuesday. Bummer. Meanwhile, Rick Ankiel and Jason LaRue homered in the first to lead St. Louis over Cincinnati 10-0.

• Breaking Even. Jack Cust drove in three runs to lead the Athletics over the Yankees 8-4. Jason Giambi's 15th homer couldn't prevent New York from falling to .500 (33-33).

• Wizard Cat Defensive Player Of The Day. Michael Cuddyer, Minnesota Twins. The first two-time winner of this prestigious honor robbed the Indians in the sixth. Very impressive. Wizard Cat gives this catch: Four wands.

Contact Wizard Cat at Wizardcat@live.com

Moye is partners with former Expos and Cubs pitcher Scott Sanderson, who retired from the majors in 1996. UmpBump found this article, in which Sanderson explained how his faith has driven his career.

It wasn't until his freshman year at Vanderbilt that he trusted in Christ for salvation. When two of his senior teammates invited him to attend a Fellowship of Christian Athletes meeting, he jumped at the chance. "I'm the youngest of five children. I'm not impulsive," he said. "I don't react quickly to things I don't investigate. I did some investigative journalism and found out that the claims Jesus Christ made were correct. Shortly thereafter, I asked Christ to come into my life."

Because you can't just take someone's word for something, even if it's the Son of God. You have to check his file down at the Department of Records.

Also, do you really want a devout Christian agent to be renegotiating your Major League Baseball contract? Seems unwise to me. I would want the most devious, heartless, widow-swindling, puppy-kicking, Girl-Scout-cookie-stealing bastard I could find.

What Would Jesus Do? Switch Agents [UmpBump]
Former Big Leaguer Sanderson Now Models Christ As Player Agent [BP Sports]

Of course all of this didn't stop the Mariners' scoreless streak from reaching 22 innings in a 5-0 loss. Texas used five pitchers in the shutout, and Ramon Vazquez had four hits, including a run-scoring double. Seattle starter Felix Hernandez had hit both Gerald Laird and Ian Kinsler with pitches earlier in the game.

I'll tell you though, in my opinion Sexson deserves to get brushed back, and here's why. There's nothing lower than someone who taunts fans with the old ball-on-a-string trick.

• Another Webb Gem. It's nice for Diamondbacks fielders to get an extra day off once a week. Brandon Webb is becoming completely monotonous and predictable, now 8-0 after eight starts. His first complete game of the season was an 8-3 win over the Phillies. He hit one batter, Eric Bruntlett, who was not aware that Thursday was Charge the Mound Day, and simply walked to first base.

• It Just Doesn't Matter! It Just Doesn't Matter! Jason Giambi, Johnny Damon, Robinson Cano and Wilson Betemit all hit home runs as the Yankees beat the Indians 6-3. Yet the guys at Camp Mohawk still get all the women.

• Who Lives In A Pineapple Under The Sea? First the good news, Florida Marlins fans. You're still in first, one game ahead of the Phillies. Now the bad news ... a scorpion has just crawled into your pants! Also, you're done playing the Brewers for this year. Matt Treanor had a three-run homer as Florida beat Milwaukee 7-2, completing a three-game sweep. This now frees the Brewers to head home to play the Cardinals, where a Mr. Will Leitch is waiting in the parking lot reviewing the Miller Park alcohol policy.

• Nobody Makes Me Bleed My Own Blood! Boston's Josh Beckett beat Detroit's Justin ZooVerlander in a battle of aces, 5-1, as the former recorded the 1,000th strikeout of his career (huzzah!). Kevin Youkilis had a two-run homer in the fifth and Jason Varitek a two-run single in the second. By the way, when your ace is 1-6, that usually spells big trouble.

This week's tale comes from former Dallas Observer reporter John Gonzalez, who shares this run-in with former Texas Rangers outfielder Carl Everett.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—--

I've never been able to forget what happened to Ryan Leaf when he screamed at that poor slob in San Diego way back when. The reporter tucked-tail and backed down, forever cementing his place among other ignominious, legendary SportsCenter videos.

That's what I was thinking about when Carl Everett squared off, put his fists up and asked if I wanted to box. And that's what I was thinking when I puffed out my chest, squared off and told him he didn't want any part of me. It probably wasn't the brightest idea I've ever had, but I couldn't shake the image of the shamed Chargers reporter, forever doomed to re-watch his impotence like some horrible, ink-stained Bill Buckner. I kept thinking: If you're going to piss yourself, wait until no one is watching.

At the time, Everett was an outfielder with the Texas Rangers, and I was a columnist for the Dallas Observer, a paper owned by Village Voice Media. This was in 2003. My job back then, as with most alt-weekly monkeys, was to merrily fling feces at my targets and maybe eat a banana if there was time. With Everett, though, I was actually trying to play it straight at first. Considering his volatile reputation, and the fact that he had about 65 pounds on me, I approached him gingerly and asked if he might have time to chat. Plus, considering we were at Spring Training in Arizona and most players were more worried about tee times than inquiring journos, I thought things would be fine.

Nope.

Almost immediately, Everett got pissed that I bothered him. In the clubhouse. During media hours.

He claimed to have never heard of my paper. Now, the Observer wasn't the Dallas Morning News, but it wasn't fucking Car Shopper, either. We had been covering the Rangers for years. Plus, we had hooker ads in the back of the paper, which clearly made us better than the Morning News. But Everett wouldn't let it go and made a point of asking the clubhouse attendants if they had ever heard of the paper. Of course, they said no — possibly because, oh I dunno, they were from Arizona and not Texas.

In an attempt to smooth things over, I asked him about Roy Jones Jr. moving up to heavyweight. Everett supposedly loved boxing. That turned out to be another misstep in a day full of them. There's no reaching out to someone that off his nut. So, with that, things went from uncomfortable and testy to flat out heated:

Carl Everett: You don't want to talk boxing. You wanna box me? (Turns to me, squares off, puts fists up by his head.)You don't wanna box me.

Me: (Getting pissed now.) No, you don't wanna box me...now can we talk or not?

CE: Go ahead, man. (Rolls his eyes.)

M: OK...are you ready for the center field duties?

CE: Am I ready for the center field duties? (Long pause...clearly irritated.) Yeah, man, I'm ready for the center field duties, that's my job.

M: Some people have talked about your weight. Is it an issue? Does that bother you?

CE: That's just y'all. That's the media. That's you guys. You don't know me.

M: Well, you don't know me, and you were lumping me with the other media and giving me a hard time about my paper.

CE: I don't like the media. I don't like them. I don't like the media.

M:OK...all right...(Searching...backpedaling.) Have you talked to [manager] Buck [Showalter] much? You know, what's it like playing for him?

CE:We haven't played any games for him yet.

M: (Getting more pissed.) OK, then how is he different from the other managers you've been around?

CE: How's he different? (Very sarcastic.) That's what you're gonna ask me?

M: Yeah.

CE:: Everything's OK.

M: OK...What about last year? Was that tough for you?

CE: Nope.

M: The losing wasn't tough?

CE:Nope.

M:(Had enough now.) Why are you being so standoffish?

CE:I'm not.

M:You're not?

CE:Nope. You're just mad because I don't kiss the media's ass. I won't kiss your ass.

M:That's fine because I don't kiss ballplayers' asses...Now, the losing didn't bother you?

CE:Nope...I play hard anyway...that was the first time I ever lost.

M:So then it must have been different at least, right?

CE:(Huffing again.) Man, I said I play hard anyway.

M:All right...do you think you can contend this year?

CE:Did you watch the games last year?

M:Well, I wasn't in Texas, but, yeah, I watched some games...

CE:(Cuts me off.) No, you didn't. You didn't watch any games last year, 'cause if you watched some games last year, you'd know that we were a tough ticket. We didn't lay down for anyone.

M:How can you say that? You guys were 31 games out [of first place in the division]...

CE:(Really mad now.) First you ask me some fucking ridiculous questions, and then you're gonna ask me why I answered the way I did...

M:(Also really mad now.) Yeah, that's what I'm supposed to do; that's my job.

CE: (Screaming now...people watching.) If you're gonna ask some fucking ridiculous questions, then I'm gonna give you some fucking ridiculous answers...I mean, that's just fucking ridiculous.

M:(Also screaming now.) Why, because you don't like the fucking question?

CE: No, because I don't like the fucking media. That's it. Get up on outta here. (Motions toward the door.)

M: So that's it, huh? You're not gonna talk to me anymore?

CE:Yeah, that's right. That's it. Get the hell outta here. Go on, get out.

M:Well, this was productive. So that's it...that's the end?

CE: That's what I said. (Does shooing motion toward the door. Tries to get me to leave. I don't. He walks to other end of clubhouse. I go to middle of clubhouse and lean against a table.)

CE:(Mocking me now; yelling across clubhouse.) Asking me, how do I like Buck? Asking me, can we contend? (Makes grand sweeping motion, stares at me.) That's some stupid fucking shit. That's some shit your editor told you to come down here and ask.

M: (I yell back across the clubhouse.) My editor didn't tell me to ask anything. Those are my questions...you must be really mad at something.

CE: (Walks back toward me.) That's right. I'm mad because I don't like the fucking media. Keep it up. Go head, keep it up. Keep talking back. I'm gonna have you escorted outta here. And you better get up off that fucking table. You're gonna learn to respect us. This is our house. You're gonna learn. Get up off that table. (I don't move.) I said get up off that table. (I still don't move.) You better get up.

John Blake, Rangers PR chief: (Nods at me.) John, please get up. (I stand up, but I don't leave.)

CE: That's right. This is our house. You're gonna learn.

The truly weird part was that, a few weeks later, back in Dallas, I was in the clubhouse when I walked by Everett's locker and he started a spontaneous conversation with me. It was completely cordial. At the time, I had long, shaggy hair, and eventually Everett offered to shave my head — just like his. I wasn't sure if that was his way of making amends, or if he didn't remember me. I'm still not sure.

In the end, I didn't let him cut my hair. Something about letting a guy who doesn't believe in dinosaurs take a razor to the back of my head felt like a bad idea. That's probably just me, though.