theonion Page index.xml - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Arrested Ex-FIFA VP Cites <i>The Onion</i> In Strange Self-Defense Video
Today in Dumb FIFA Man, arrested ex-VP Jack Warner tried to thank his supporters and clear his name during a strange Facebook video in which he cites a report from The Onion to prove FIFA’s generosity. ...
Let's Go On An NSFW Tour Of The Olympic Village
You thought all those stories you hear every two years about how the Olympic village is just one big fuck den were bullshit, didn't you? Well, you were wrong....
Map: Do You Live In IHOP America Or Waffle House America?
America might be a fast-food nation, but at least it's a rich, greasy tapestry of fast food. In-N-Out Burger is the jewel of the West Coast. Massachusetts seems to breed Dunkin' Donuts franchises the way it used to breed Kennedys. Oklahoma and Wyoming are the only states to have both Hardee's and Ca...
Stephen A. Smith Thought An Article About Him In <i>The Onion</i> Was Real
Earlier today, The Onion posted a rather harmless, totally fictional article entitled, "Stephen A. Smith Thinking Son Is Finally Ready For The Sex Argument." This wouldn't normally be news; but when Stephen A. Smith finds it, thinks it is a real article, and yells about it on Twitter? Yes, then it ...
Yes, Soccer Is Gay
According to this report, from America's finest news source. [Onion Sports Network]...
Onions, Both Peeled And Grabbed, Win The Weekend
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the guy from the NCAA selection committee who peeled his metaphorical onions, and this happy Buccaneer from East Tennessee State, who merely gripped his....
Area Satirical Newspaper Joins Forces With Puppet-Based Humor Channel
In a move I can only pray will cut Jeff Dunham-related programming down to a more manageable 23 hours a day, The Onion and Comedy Central will be doing a sports show together....
Peter King's Onion Doppleganger
It's almost NFL season, which means we're all about to experience a solid five months of Peter King. This is fine; King knows more about football than almost everyone we know. But be prepared: MMQB is about to take up residence in your brain and lay eggs....