Lincecum won his second straight Cy Young and became the first pitcher to earn the award in each of his first full seasons. And Ricky Williams took over for an injured Ronnie Brown and ran circles around Carolina, putting up 119 yards and three touchdowns and keeping the Dolphins within reach of the Patriots. As you know, Lincecum and Williams share a taste in mild recreational drugs. In the latter's case we're probably in for a brace of stories about how Ricky has gotten serious and shaved his dreads and redeemed himself and all that. (Look, there goes one now!) For now, though, the lesson is simply this: Winners smoke a shit-ton of weed. Suck it, Bill Bennett.

Honorable Mention: The Baseball Writers' Association of America, which once again got it right with Lincecum, even though his 15 wins represented the smallest total for a Cy Young winner who was a full-time starter in a non-strike year. At this rate, Mauer's MVP is in the bag. We're all statgeeks now. [BBWAA]

Got a candidate for Last Night's Winner? Send it to Dash at dashiell@deadspin.com.

The agreement, which still must be approved by a judge, will basically wipe out any charge involving the 3.3 grams of weed Lincecum had on his person when he was pulled over in his Mercedes for going 74 mph in a 60 mph zone on October 30th in Hazell Dell, Washington, his home state.

Grant Hansen, the Clark County deputy prosecutor, explains:

"We negotiated the case in the manner we do with just about every first-time marijuana-drug paraphernalia case where the individual is cooperative with the officer," Hansen told The Columbian. "We dismissed possession of marijuana and amended the other charge to buying or selling drug paraphernalia, a Class A civil infraction."

But to have a case like this to be resolved this quickly is strange, right? Nope.

"His attorney came to our office Monday. We negotiated the case in the manner we do with just about every first-time marijauana/drug paraphernalia case where the individual is cooperative with the officer," Hansen said Friday.

Right. Every first time offender who is a famous Major League pitcher that has a $500/hour attorney on retainer, correct? Not so fast, so says deputy prosecutor Hansen.

The prosecutor told The Columbian "it could have been the kid next door" getting the same treatment. "The fact it's a celebrity doesn't mean he doesn't get the same deal."

Very true. It is not surprising in the least that anyone busted with a couple grams of bud would get this deal, especially in a state like Washington which has such liberal marijuana laws. What is surprising, however, is how quickly this has gone down and how willing the authorities were to cooperate to resolve this matter as quietly as possible. Perhaps this is a sign of how far we have come with how we perceive recreational marijuana use in this country.

Of course, I completely support how this case was handled (which I assume doesn't come as a surprise to anyone around these here parts). Shit man, have Lincecum pay his measly fine and let him get on with his life. There is a whole bunch of weed to smoke in the Pacific Northwest and times wasting, you dig?

Report: Lincecum has agreement on pot charge [The Associated Press]
Lincecum makes deal with Clark County prosecutors [The Colombian]
(previously on Deadspin) Tim Lincecum Cited In Least Surprising Pot Bust Ever

•Sean Haire, who for some reason went by "Sean O'Haire" while wrestling in WCW, was booked for allegedly hitting and choking his girlfriend. Because he's dating a non-Tila Tequila woman, this is not OK.

•Tim Lincecum misses a start with muscle spasms. The Giants had better hope it's not serious, or they run the risk of getting walloped by the Cardinals in three games instead of four.

•With a court ruling still pending, the NFL says the Vikings' Williamses can play in week one regardless. Keep in mind they tested positive for a banned substance more than nine months ago. And the league claims to have the toughest steroid policy in sports?

•We're reaching serious WTF territory here. Ben Roethlisberger's accuser says she'll drop the lawsuit if Big Ben admits he raped her. I'm no legal expert, but copping to a crime can't help his chances in any future criminal proceedings. Also, she's nuts and has no case.

•Michael Jordan picks David Thompson to introduce him at the Hall of Fame ceremony. Between Jordan, fellow inductee David Robinson, and presenters Isiah Thomas and Larry Brown, apparently it's ruin-the-Knicks'-shit day in Springfield.

•Well, it finally happened. Brad Lidge got yanked after loading the bases in the ninth, perhaps ending his tenure as closer in Philadelphia. Would it be hyping up Albert Pujols legend too much to blame his 2005 home run for Lidge's collapse? Well I'm doing it anyway.

•Nashville Predators part-owner William "Boots" Del Biaggio was sentenced to eight years in prison for bilking investors out of hundreds of millions. The lesson, as always, is don't accept a check from someone nicknamed "Boots."

•Emeritus is trying something a little radical over at New York Magazine. Will Leitch...writing a blog...about sports. Hmmm. Sounds crazy, but what do I know?

•Finally, Ron Artest reaches out to Stephon Marbury, through the magic of Celine:

Seriously, have you seen that thing lately? It's glorious! The 25-year-old already has a Cy Young under his belt, but his 2009 season is shaping up to even better than last year's campaign. What's the difference? Those luxurious cascading locks.

The Haircut mowed down St. Louis last night on just 95 pitches. (Two hits, no walks, 8 Ks) After an incredible 2008, he's on pace for more innings, more strikeouts, fewer runs allowed, and his ERA and WHIP are slowly disappearing.

But back to the hair. You think he uses Prell on that baby, or does only Herbal Essences touch those tresses?

Lincecum clocks Cards [SF Chronicle]
Lincecum adds two-hitter to post-Cy resume [MLB.com]
Giants' Lincecum dominates Cardinals with 2-hitter [AP]

When the Giants broke spring training and set up shop at AT&T Park, Randy Johnson was awarded two lockers in approximately the same spot that Barry Bonds occupied two seasons previous. He's the new team guru: Pretty much just as surly as Bonds toward the outside world, but much friendlier with his teammates. From the San Francisco Chronicle:

Yeah, Lincecum is the ace, but everyone defers to Johnson. Noah Lowry gave him his number (51), Cain gave him his locker (on Barry Bonds' old wall). Heck, Bill Neukom gave him his seats. Thanks to the new managing general partner, Johnson's wife and children will be sitting in prime real estate for the Big Unit's Giants debut.

Fun facts: The previous oldest Giants pitcher: Warren Spahn, who was 44 years and 156 days when he threw his final pitch on Sept. 27, 1965. The previous tallest? Johnny Gee (1944-46) and Terry Bross (1993), both 6-foot-9.

Not-so-fun-fact: Johnson is 45, and had back surgery in 2007, meaning that if he makes it all the way through 2009 it will be somewhat of a miracle. Have fun stormin' the castle!

On Lincecum: He lasted only three innings on Tuesday (after never failing to at least reach the fourth in all of 2008), giving up three runs on 78 pitches. This produced perhaps my favorite Lincecum quote of all time: "I just have to take this effort with a grain of rice." Ha.

Of course the fact that it was raining and he didn't get a chance to warm up may have had something to do with it. Anyway, no one here is panicking, and the great McCovey Chronicles came up with this graphic to explain why.

Big Unit Is Giants' Go-To Guy [San Francisco Chronicle]

How does the man some consider the best pitcher in baseball make less than Jim Calhoun? The answer lies in MLB's wacky salary arbitration rules. Lincecum hasn't yet accumulated enough service time to qualify for arbitration, and the Giants are in no particular hurry to sign him to a multi-year deal. Next season will be a different story: Gavin Newsome will have to sell the naming rights to all of his future children with Jennifer Siebel to keep him in San Francisco.

But for now Lincecum is making 650 grand, which isn't even enough to buy one Lamborghini Reventon.

With or without a long-term deal, Lincecum is not eligible to leave as a free agent until after the 2013 season. Meanwhile, he said he is happy with the $650,000.

"I think it's fair what I got," he said. "I'm not saying I got gypped at all. I'm happy with what I got. Now I've just to live up to that expectation. You see pay increases and you expect results. That's what happens from the fan standpoint. Now I've just got to push it, I guess."

Maybe he could clean C.C. Sabathia's solid platinum swimming pool to help make ends meet. But I kid: It's actually sort of refreshing to see a top athlete who hasn't been seduced by the Sith Lord Scott Boras.

And at least Lincecum made out a lot better than Albert Haynesworth:

Giants Notebook: Big Raise For Lincecum [San Francisco Chronicle]

Anyway, Jon Heyman of SI breaks the news properly:

San Francisco Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum was taken to a New York City hospital Tuesday afternoon after complaining of not feeling well, a Giants spokesperson said. That same spokesperson said Lincecum was dehydrated and had flu-like symptoms.

Lincecum is in New York for the All-Star Game, but began complaining before the red carpet ride through midtown Manhattan on Tuesday. The Game is tonight in the neighboring borough of the Bronx. Lincecum will be hydrated and monitored at the hospital.

Lincecum, a 24-year-old righty in his second major league season, last pitched on Sunday, going eight innings in Chicago and beating the Cubs to run his record to 11-2 with a 2.57 ERA and 135 strikeouts. This was his first All-Star Game.

More when it happens...on the ominous "flu-like symptoms."

Lincecum Hospitalized [SI]

Lincecum Out Of The All-Star Game? [Bay City Ball]

Lincecum Treated For Flu-Like Symptoms [ESPN]

The Big Merkin responded by throwing two scoreless innings with four strikeouts, before giving way to Jack Taschner for one inning and then Lincecum, who pitched four innings, giving up a run and striking out four to get the win (sitting through an hour rain delay in the process). Lincecum even got a single — and was later driven in by Randy Winn — and is hitting 1.000. I was criticized for not mentioning Lincecum in the Giants preview, and with good reason; according to readers he leaves his home each morning by rolling a giant rock from the entrance. He was brought here to give his life for us, and take upon himself our sins. Hallelujah, the Giants win! Coincidentally, Jesus himself was also 1-2 after his first three games.

Hmmm, Merkin. I've just had an idea for as fantastic new Giants costumed mascot!

• O Brother, Where Art Thou? Mets fans will be shocked to learn that Pedro Martinez is on the disabled list — who had April 2 in the pool? — due to a pulled hamstring. He'll be out 4-6 weeks. New York shrugged at the news and beat the Marlins 13-0, collecting 17 hits, with three doubles by Carlos Beltran. That's 3.3 innings pitched for Pedro this season, folks, to go along with his combined totals for 2006 and '07 of 160 IP and a 12-9 record.

• It's Good To Be Back In The US Of A. Jon Lester threw a three-hitter over 6 2/3 and David Ortiz had a two-run homer as the Boston Ham Fighters defeated the Oakland Toyo Carp 5-0. This is how Boston is bringing in its relief pitchers from the bullpen this season, by the way.

• A-Rod Homers Yet Yankees Lose? What? A.J. Burnett, who very well could be a Cylon, was in command through six innings in the Blue Jays' 5-2 win over the Yankees. Burnett was chased by Alex Rodriguez's totally non-steroid-related two-run homer in the seventh, and Vernon Wells had a two-run homer off Mike Mussina.

• Zim Went The Strings Of My Heart. If you think the Giants are having trouble at the plate this season (and they are), take a look at the Phillies. The Nationals used three pitchers to earn a one-hitter, beating Philadelphia 1-0. The winning hit? You guessed it: A Ryan Zimmerman homer. You get a cookie. Tim Redding took a one-hitter into the eighth for the Ws.

• Who is This Ankiel You Speak Of? Rick Ankiel — with whom you may not be familiar — is doing a pretty decent job of replacing Jim Edmonds in center field for the Cardinals, evidently.

• This Just In ... Putz Placed On 15-Day Disabled List.