Well folks, that about wraps it up for me today. Thanks for stopping by.

And of course, thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Barry Petchesky takes the reins tomorrow to guide you through all of the NFL action. So y'all come back now, ya hear?

I'm fairly confident you don't need me to tell you this, but there is still one whole evening and an entire day left of the Thanksgiving holiday weekend. Please do your best to make the most of it. Or don't. It's up to you. I'm easy like Sunday morning, man.

Best ESPN College GameDay Signs (11/28/09) [That Fan]

The first comes from a young woman named Erin Drewes, who appeared at Tebow's side in this famous photograph and who recently posed for a series of photographs that soon will be even more famous, for the simple reason that His jersey has been body-painted on her chest. Erin spoke with Playboy.com's Girlwatcher about speculation that she is His girlfriend.

Witness: Erin Drewes, via Playboy.com's Girlwatcher (NSFW)

Testimony:

I actually attended a Bucs game with my Dad and somebody said to me, "Hey, I know who you are, you're Tim Tebow's girlfriend." My Dad just laughed. As far as other people thinking it was true, they absolutely did. So let me set the record straight: I was never dating Tim Tebow, nor was I ever his girlfriend!

Pertinent Scripture: From the apocryphal Gospel of Mary Magdalene

[Peter] questioned them about the Savior: Did He really speak privately with a woman and not openly to us? Are we to turn about and all listen to her? Did He prefer her to us?

Then Mary wept and said to Peter, My brother Peter, what do you think? Do you think that I have thought this up myself in my heart, or that I am lying about the Savior?

The second comes via Florida tackle Marcus Gilbert, whose knee memorably betrayed Tebow in an earlier game against Kentucky, colliding with His head and causing a concussion.

Witness: Marcus Gilbert, via the Miami Herald's Mike McCall

Testimony:

UF tackle Marcus Gilbert, whose knee collided with Tebow's head on that play, said Tuesday he still catches grief from friends for the incident.

"I got like three 'How's your knee' and like 100 'Why'd you mess up Tebow,'" Gilbert joked.

Pertinent Scripture: From the apocryphal Gospel of Judas

Judas said to him, "In the vision I saw myself as the twelve disciples were stoning me and persecuting [me severely].

ERIN DREWES IS (STILL!) NOT TIM TEBOW'S GIRLFRIEND-A Girlwatcher Special Report [Playboy]
UF's Urban Meyer makes Heisman Trophy case for Tebow [Miami Herald]

Forbes believes that Tim Tebow's obsession with that Christ fella has sparked a resurgence in Bible messages at sporting events. You know, people holding up signs with the numbers of Bible verses so that viewers could look them up and have an epiphany. Of course, anyone over a certain age knows the signs used to be ubiquitous at major (and minor) sporting events thanks to some dude known as "Rainbow Man," a Jesus freak who was frequently seen on TV wearing a clown wig and carrying a sign that read "John 3:16." So Forbes included a "where are they now" sidebar story on Rainbow Man, a.k.a., Rollen Stewart, because unbeknown to most people (including me) he's been in jail since 1992, when he took a hotel maid hostage at gunpoint.

His personal life was a wreck as well. Stewart claimed he never made any money (his tickets to sporting events were believed to have been bought by sympathetic Christians). By the 1990s, he was homeless and living in his car. His wife and one-time signage partner had left him—she claimed he choked her when she didn't hold her sign in the correct place during a game.

Finally he went over the edge. In September of 1992, Rollen locked himself in a hotel room in a Los Angeles Hyatt and made threats to shoot at airplanes landing and taking off at nearby LAX Airport. He held a Hyatt maid hostage in his room. He plastered religious verses on the windows. After an eight-hour standoff, SWAT teams broke into his room and found a handgun, two ammunition clips and 47 live ammunition rounds.

Um. Wow. Stewart was given three life terms for the incident—yay, California sentencing laws?—and gets denied for parole pretty much once a year. Oh, he still believes in God. Just in more of a vengeful fire and brimstone kind of way, I guess.

Now I'm not saying Tebow's eye black messages are leading him down a similar path of violent insanity, but you know, some people do get a little out of hand with their Gator chomps. I suggest that he sticks to decaf.

John 3:16: Where Is He Now? [Forbes]
The Resurrection Of John 3:16 [Forbes]

Tebow was sacked four times on Saturday, bringing His season total to 21. (He was sacked 15 times in 2008 and 13 times in 2007.) At His Monday press conference, He addressed the matter of His health.

Witness: Tim Tebow, via The Florida Times-Union's Michael DiRocco

Testimony: "Body feels good. I feel refreshed."

Pertinent Scripture: Acts 1:3

After his suffering, he showed himself to these men and gave many convincing proofs that he was alive.

Please submit any evidence that Tim Tebow is our Redeemer to tips@deadspin.com.

Gators' Tebow refreshed and ready for stretch run [Florida Times-Union]

Witness: 10-year-old Kris Huggins, via The Florida Times-Union's Mark Woods

Testimony:

Practice wrapped up. The rest of the players were off the field. And Tebow was about to leave, too, when the officers said something to Tebow.

He trotted over to where Kris was standing, introduced himself and said, "Do you want to play some ball, buddy?"

Ask Kris if he remembers what his reaction was and he says, "It was like in the movies when someone's jaw falls the ground."

He was wearing sandals. When he left their house on the Southside, he wasn't exactly planning to run routes and catch passes from Tim Tebow. But did he want to play some ball?

[...]

Tebow and Kris started in the south end zone, working their way toward midfield. Tebow telling him where to run. Kris running, catching the ball - he only dropped one - and then throwing it back.

"He said I have a really good arm," Kris said.

His mother has told him that before. But somehow it's not the same as hearing it from a Heisman Trophy winner. Afterward, Tebow grabbed a ball, signed it and gave it to him.

Pertinent Scripture: Mark 10:14-16

He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.

Please submit any evidence that Tim Tebow is our Redeemer to tips@deadspin.com.

You don't have to be a Tebow fan to appreciate this story [Florida Times-Union, via TimTeblog]

Ealey himself came out yesterday and said that Spikes did not deserve to be suspended (an entire half!) for reaching under Ealey's helmet to gouge him in the face. After all, Ealey had his eyes closed! What could possibly have gone wrong? Besides, according to both Florida coach Urban Meyer and Georgia coach Mark Richt, Spikes himself had been the victim of a cheap shot earlier in the game. So he was just taking an eye for an eye, so to speak.

Meyer said he believed Spikes retaliated after getting his helmet ripped off and eye poked earlier in the game.

Georgia coach Mark Richt said Spikes' "helmet went flying off ... and there was one time he got hit with his helmet off."

"It was totally unintentional," Richt said. "They were totally just playing ball. That might have got him bent out of shape. I don't know about all of that."

It also seems that there were other dastardly villains afoot on Saturday. Another video that mysterious did not get passed around as much as the Spikes gouge—it has even been pulled from YouTube—is one of Georgia linebacker Nick Williams leveling the one and only Tim Tebow well after a handoff. Perhaps that's why Tebow himself defended Spikes with a "these things happen" shrug of his world-bearing shoulders. As Gary Danielson aptly put it, "That type of stuff will come back later in the game."

Emotional game ... violence ... just playing football out there ... no love lost, etc. No one seems to care that these guys want to injure someone on every play, so if the SEC lets them rip each others' heads off then who are we to complain? That's what the fans would do to one another if their hands weren't covered in barbecue sauce..

Georgia running back Washaun Ealey says Florida linebacker Brandon Spikes shouldn't be suspended [ESPN]
In addition to Spikes, a Georgia player had a questionable hit on Tebow [USA Today]
Florida Turns Blind Eye to Eye-Gouge [Fanhouse]
[Photo: Getty]

Today, we have Tim Tebow's comments regarding teammate Brandon Spikes, who on Saturday against Georgia apparently tried to gouge out the eyes of a Bulldogs running back.

Witness: Tim Tebow, via Florida Today's David Jones
Testimony: "Very emotional things happened in that game in particular that were not good for either side, but the bottom line is we're Florida and he's Brandon Spikes and we expect certain things. He understands.''
Pertinent Scripture: Matthew 5:38-39 (from Jesus' Sermon on the Mount)

"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also."

Please submit any evidence that Tim Tebow is our Redeemer to tips@deadspin.com.

Tebow: Georgia did same things as Spikes [Florida Today]
Tebow Quote of the Day: Re Spikes [TimTeblog]

Today's piece of evidence comes from Florida's sloppy 29-19 over Mississippi State, against whom Tebow threw two interceptions that were returned for touchdowns.

Witness: Mark Long, Associated Press
Testimony: "[Tebow] is clearly getting disheartened with his team's offensive woes. He blew off his postgame interview session for the first time in three years in Starkville, Miss."
Pertinent Scripture: Matthew 21:12-17

Jesus entered the temple area and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. "It is written," he said to them, "'My house will be called a house of prayer,' but you are making it a 'den of robbers.'"

The blind and the lame came to him at the temple, and he healed them. But when the chief priests and the teachers of the law saw the wonderful things he did and the children shouting in the temple area, "Hosanna to the Son of David," they were indignant.

"Do you hear what these children are saying?" they asked him.

"Yes," replied Jesus, "have you never read, "'From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise'?"

And he left them and went out of the city to Bethany, where he spent the night.

Hosannas to reader Adam

Please submit any evidence that Tim Tebow is our Redeemer to tips@deadspin.com.

Is Florida's Tebow cracking under pressure? [AP]

Usually, it's because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday (except today, because shit went kaplooey on me yesterday and I was out on Friday) until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

At Least He Wasn't Wearing The Tar Heel Mascot Head At The Time

Towards the end of my tenure in Chapel Hill, UNC played NC State down at Ericsson Stadium (now Bank of America Stadium) in Charlotte, in the hopes of a larger stadium getting more fans. It didn't work; we're a basketball school. I forget the exact year (1999, I think) but the game was on a Thursday night and was being called by the Thursday night ESPN crew. Writing for the student newspaper, a couple other writers and photographers and I drove down to cover the game.

Covering a football game is much worse than watching a college football game, because any break you need (food, bathroom, etc.) must be done either really quickly during timeouts (impossible) or during halftime. So, as expected, the bathroom for the press box was a madhouse when the other writers and I went in there during halftime. We were standing in line for the urinals and happened to be right next to a stall. The guy in that stall was taking a dump, and it was not going well for him - all kinds of farts and splashes were coming from there. Then the very forceful grunting started. This guy was really pushing this one out in a hurry. Being the incredible mature college students we were, we all were trying to hold back our laughter. But we each saw that the other was doing the same, and with each successive noise, we all laughed a little harder. Eventually, everyone in the men's room was looking at us with the "Oh grow up" look on their faces.

Well, we heard the toilet paper roll in the stall being used and then the toilet flush. The man walked out and it was none other than Lee Corso. He saw everyone staring at him, waived his hand, and said a loud "Hey guys" to the entire room in a really excited, upbeat tone. Everyone stood frozen and stunned as he washed his hands and then left. As soon as the bathroom door shut, every single person in there burst into hysterical laughter. If only we had known who it was. I'm sure one of us would have tapped on the stall and given a "Not so fast, my friend" to help calm him down in there. I can't watch him on Gameday without that experience being the first thing I think about.

Yes, Viva La Stool

SUBJECT: stool

what fucking state do you homos represent?? what fuckin teams do you represent...i cant even read your SHIT cause it sucks...i can barely see my screen cause i have so many fucking trophys blocking it....suck a dick...viva la stool

Thank You, Sir, May I Have Another

SUBJECT: PS

id rather watch meatspin.com than read deadspin... 8=====D

Now, We're Also Getting Jason Whitlock's Hatemail

Jason,

Up until now, I respected you. However, now that you have come out against Rush Limbaugh on his quest to become a partial owner of an NFL Team, I have to re-think things.

You have repeated things that Rush supposedly said. You DID NOT fact check these things and you now look like a complete FOOL in my eyes! The only racism that exists are from the likes of you and all other liberal sports media that have run with these lies! In the end, you are just another black guy, looking to lampoon the white guy! Yes, that means you are NO DIFFERENT than President Obama (an "OUT & OUT RACIST", and the "INFAMOUS RACE BAITERS", Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton! I REALLY thought you were above this and a better man than this! YOU ARE NO MAN AND I WAS COMPLETELY WRONG ABOUT YOU! I truly hope the U.S. Citizens (especially the Sports World) remember you for what you are (A TRUE "RACIST") and where you came down on this particular situation! I for one, no longer have ANY respect for you!

Regards,

Eric Miklas

P.S. You Have Shown "YOUR TRUE COLORS" And Now Have Been Proven To Be QUITE TYPICAL!

And one more...

Jason,

I checked out your website ("Deadspin") and would now like to add this,....

If Limbaugh and the "white race" are soooooooo bad, why then are their tons
of pictures of you with WHITE girls hanging all over you?

As I said below, you are "TYPICAL" and you are just another sorry RACIST!

You have now SUNK to the "land of no return" (where Al Sharpton & Jesse
Jackson reside). You will now sow what you reap! "ALL THINGS COME TO
THOSE WHO WAIT". Yours is coming!

Best Regards,

Eric Miklas

He's Mr. ChoochTober That's Why

I was just sent this. I can't explain it, and I'm not sure I want to.

http://icecream4chooch.com/(viaTheFightins)

Emails You Don't Want To Get From The Gawker Office Manager

Hey AJ,

Just to let you know that we cannot see the frog anywhere in the tank.

We can hear the crickets going all day...gee I hope they did n't eat the frog. LOL

Next time you are in please check it out.

Thanks,

Roxanne

Tebow's Christian Army Revolts

•

I am respectfully writing to say that you should be absolutely embarrassed by your article regarding Tim Tebow being the "Lamb of God". If you had any respect at all for the Bible or Jesus Christ, you would not write such things. I am pretty sure that Tim Tebow himself would also be angry and dismayed by your article and the assertions you are putting forth.

•

Tommy, a little jealous, my friend? Look, if you want to live his life and be Tim Tebow, then give it a try. Writing stuff like that makes you look ever so small. Quoting Luke and John? Yes, you obviously know Jesus as well... er not. Hating Tim Tebow for being either a great quarterback, a great person, or a Christian... I'm thinking it's the last one that's the clincher for you. How's this one. "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first." John 15:18. Jesus knew what he was talking about. You don't.

And Craggs Gets Yelled At By The Guy Who Designed AT&T Park (née Pac Bell)

Tommy

I had designed Pac Bell Park while working at Hok Sport in Kansas City and some other sports facilities. I was too happy about your sensational article and even though it may attract some readers due to its negative spin I don't think it will get everyone to hate Pac Bell once they read the article. I got the impression you don't have a clue of the design intent or even why we used red brick or who design the kid park.

I am not sure if you are a drop out architecture student or a very unhappy person who never got a chance to play baseball in the big leagues. Didn't your mother tell you 'if you don't have anything good to say don't say anything.

Randy

Randy Shear
7027 Gaston Parkway Dallas Texas
75214 USA

Ryan Leaf Used To Be Carried In The Arms Of Cheerleaders, Part 97

While in my local library, I found this carved on a table. It's a heart with RYAN LEAF. I guess some people are into 0.0 QB ratings.

And Then There's This Insanity

AJ, THINK OF THE CONVENIENCE OF HAVING BATHROOM PRIVACY JUST ABOUT ANYWHERE. THE BASSROOM SETS UP ON A BOAT, ON THE GROUND OR THE BACK OF A TRUCK IN ABOUT A MINUTE.

MESQUITE, TX —- Cover Your Bass introduces "The Bassroom" the complete portable privacy system that allows you to spend more time on the water fishing by eliminating those inconvenient moments.

Cover Your Bass is the culmination of research and development from innovators Matt and Kirk Smith, a father/son team of fishermen from Texas, who have created the ultimate portable bathroom for your fishing boat and growing lists of other uses.

Aptly named "The Bassroom" this ingenious product fills the need for a portable bathroom system in a market that has been overlooked and neglected for years. With privacy concerns and today's current "eco-friendly" movements, the Bassroom virtually eliminates the possibility of over-exposure from your boat while providing an environmentally safe alternative to lengthy trips back to the loading dock or using the shoreline as a bathroom.

"We've created this product to fill a void that currently exists in today's fishing arena" said Matt Smith, owner and creator of The Bassroom. "In today's world you never know who has a camera or video phone and would enjoy the 10 minutes of fame by posting a video of you "caught in the act" on YouTube or similar social network websites. The price, privacy, and function of The Bassroom provides security and comfort for much less than the cost of embarrassment or possible legal fees for over-exposure while on the lake. With proper care the Bassroom will provide privacy for only pennies a day. Have one on your boat when you need it." says Smith

The entire Bassroom system is stored in two handy transportation bags that can easily be tucked away in your boat until needed. With a total setup time of approximately 60 seconds, you can quickly construct your Bassroom in times of an emergency and leave the unit assembled while you continue fishing or simply fold down and store. Never have to leave your fishing spot, waste time and gas running around looking for a bathroom.
Although created specifically with fishing in mind, the Bassroom is gaining popularity with hikers, campers, bikers, ATVer's, and tailgaters who find the ease of transport and privacy a welcome addition to their trips. The Bassroom is great on the back of a truck for family picnics and outings

"The feedback we have received from customers has shown a wide demographic range from young adventurers to Pro Anglers. The Bassroom is great for privacy, shade and a rain shield for the entire family, including pets." says Smith.

The Bassroom system itself consists of heavy duty 190T polyester material with access doors on both the front and back equipped with over-sized zippers for easy handling. The polyester is waterproof and flame resistant to assure safety and comfort. The waste disposal bags contained in the full Bassroom system are convenient zip-up bags, constructed of a sturdy 2 mil. black plastic material which effectively and safely handle the waste storage and transporting.

Currently priced at only $104.95 plus $15.00 shipping U.S. for the entire system, the Bassroom will provide years of service with proper handling and storage. Visit www.coveryourbass.com for more purchase details, videos, and product reviews from the experts.
PLEASE TAKE A LOOK AT OUR PHOTO GALLERY ONLINE — The Bassroom can be set up on a boat, the back of a truck, or on the ground, providing a private bathroom almost anywhere.

The Bassroom System is a must have for the tradesmen too !! Plumbers, electricians, landscape companies, sprinkler system companies , brick masons and traveling project managers - think of the convenience of having a bathroom on any job-site in just minutes. BUY ONE FOR YOUR BUSINESS and use it on the weekends for the whole family.

Cover Your Bass (www.coveryourbass.com) Home of the Bassroom is located in Mesquite, Texas providing portable privacy for your boat. 972-849-4868.

FREE TSHIRT OFFER ONLINE — for a limited time

CORSO PHOTO COURTESY OF THE SPENCER HALL DANCING ANIMAL SHOW AT EDSBS

The first is from Tim Tebow's press conference a week ago in which He addressed the concussion He sustained against Kentucky.

Witness: Tim Tebow, via the St. Petersburg Times' Antonya English
Testimony: "I think it was very humbling because you know at any moment it can be over."
Pertinent Scripture: Philippians 2:8-9

And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death-
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name

The second concerns Florida's final drive against Arkansas on Saturday, during which Tebow threw for 30 yards and ran for 22, leading to Caleb Sturgis' game-winning 27-yard field goal.

Witnesses: Get The Picture and SEC Corner
Testimony: Via ESPN's play-by-play: "2nd and 9 at ARK 27 Tim Tebow rush for 9 yards to the Ark 18 for a 1ST down," the end of which is pictured here.



Pertinent Scripture No. 1: Matthew 17:1-2

After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light.

Pertinent Scripture No. 2: Matthew 14:25-31

During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

"Come," he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

And lastly, reader Wade M. dips into his Old Testament and submits the following:

Witness: Bob Tebow, father of Tim, via ESPN.com's Pat Forde
Testimony: "I'm not worried."
Pertinent Scripture: Chronicles 28:20

David also said to Solomon his son, "Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished.

Please submit any evidence that Tim Tebow is our Redeemer to tips@deadspin.com.

Florida Gators quarterback Tim Tebow says concussion a lesson in humility [St. Petersburg Times]
The fix is in [Get The Picture]
SEC Officiating [SEC Corner]
Risk not worth the reward for Florida [ESPN]

Today brings us two items, both from the aftermath of top-ranked Florida's 13-3 victory over No. 4 LSU, in which Tebow, in His first game back from a concussion, completed 11 of 16 passes for 134 yards, one touchdown and one interception.

Witness: Urban Meyer, Florida coach
Testimony: "Courageous is a great word. Toughness. Team-first mentality. Competitor. I could go on and on, but it's all of the above. ... He's different. He's different than all of us."
Pertinent Scripture: John 1:10.

He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him.

Witness: Glenn Guilbeau, Shreveport Times
Testimony: "Several LSU players congratulated Tebow after the game. Some LSU players even waited for Tebow to finish some postgame interviews in order to shake his hand and hug him. Tebow routinely checked on injured LSU players throughout the game."
Pertinent Scripture: Luke 8:40-48

Now when Jesus returned, a crowd welcomed him, for they were all expecting him. Then a man named Jairus, a ruler of the synagogue, came and fell at Jesus' feet, pleading with him to come to his house because his only daughter, a girl of about twelve, was dying.

As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.

"Who touched me?" Jesus asked.

When they all denied it, Peter said, "Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you."

But Jesus said, "Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me."

Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. Then he said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace."

Please submit any evidence that Tim Tebow is our Redeemer to tips@deadspin.com.

Tebow and Gators Defense Leave Tigers Dazed [The New York Times]
LSU defense plays well, but Florida's 'D' is better [Shreveport Times]

•Did you hear Lopez Tonight is coming to TBS? Day 1 of the playoffs went just as planned, with the Phillies, Yankees and Dodgers all winning. Wait, back up. The Dodgers? I guess whoever said they have no pitching was mistaken. Getting 3.2 innings from Randy Wolf is more than they could have hoped for.

•Dez Bryant is ruled ineligible not because he met with Deion Sanders, but because he lied about meeting with Deion Sanders. Let this be a lesson to our younger readers: if your parents ever catch you doing something bad, it's best to be honest and tell them you were with Deion Sanders.

•Allen Iverson may miss the Grizzlies' season opener as he recovers from a hamstring injury, but let's get real here: if you're counting on Allen Iverson in 2009 to be a crucial part of your team, you're probably not shooting for the stars anyway.

•Your injured quarterbacks update: Donovan McNabb probably, Tim Tebow maybe, Eli Manning maybe not. JaMarcus Russell isn't injured, but is listed as doubtful to play "football."

•Phoenix pulls out a win and forces the WNBA Finals to a deciding fifth game. This was exactly what the league didn't need; there's no way anyone will be paying attention to the WNBA once the UFL starts up tonight.

•Stars broadcaster Daryl Reaugh predicts Dallas will win their opening game. They don't. Now Reaugh's springing for free tickets for all in attendance. Let's hope he doesn't make the guarantee again; have you seen Marty Turco lately? Reaugh may have to spring for season tickets.

•We close with a link to the top ten hits in youth football. Does it make it sadder or funnier that they're children? We say funnier. A highlight:

A couple Lions fans celebrated their team's historic victory with a spot of lower-bowl grab-ass that ended with the two of them re-enacting the Ned Beatty piggy scene from Deliverance. And Detroit was happy once again.

Jerry Jones sold 30,000 "party passes" for the regular-season debut of his new football palace, where, in a standing-room section, every passholder was treated to great views of 29,999 other passholders. The scene turned briefly into something out of Lord of the Flies. Sucks to your pass mar!

This lass had a message for Jesus Christ Football Star, and she wore it on her shirt. It's tough to see here, but please note the gray-haired lady in back, looking on in slowly dawning horror.

Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman was arrested for allegedly choking his girlfriend, Internet creature Tila Tequila. The case against Merriman was eventually dropped, but he was nonetheless tried and convicted in the high court of Tila Tequila's Twitter account.

A day after LeGarrette Blount decked Byron Hout, Dash made the persuasive argument that the smirking jackass who started it all got exactly what was coming to him.

The bold-face-type enthusiasts of Fire Joe Morgan reunited for one glorious day on our site and, afterward all that was left of poor Allen Barra was a couple mindlessly contrarian opinions and some hair.

Someone dug up an ancient video of a skeevy Cris Collinsworth in which he declared, absurdly: "I like girls that aren't too bright because you can trick 'em a little bit...high school girls love me. Fourteen to eighteen, I'm a big star with them." And then, even more absurdly, he apologized — and not for that Cosby sweater.

Football, as choreographed by Bob Fosse.

In a handicapped stall at Cowboy Stadium, a guy in a Michael Irvin jersey decided to do to a woman what Jerry Jones did to 30,000 fans with Party Passes. We got the video.

And, lastly, there are the Salisbury-Daulerio Letters, a correspondence that stretched across three batshit posts. It was, as AJ noted, the meltiest media meltdown of them all. Sean has not been heard from since. Nor have we heard from his attorneys and "powerful Pr firm .. from NYC." He is out there, though. Somewhere. I like to imagine him on a beach on South Padre, sipping a tall, fruity drink and pecking away at his ESPN tell-all, espn exposed. He nears the end of the book. He thinks for a moment. He considers a passing cloud. And then he taps out the last line, a line to rival them all — Fitzgerald, Hamlet, Bogie to Claude Rains. Sean Salisbury looks at the screen and smiles wryly. "Sent," it reads, "from my iPhone."

Yup, it's a concussion, but don't worry!

Our team will pray for him and he'll be fine," coach Urban Meyer.

Many props to Detroit 4 Lyfe for grabbing this screenshot which pretty much sums up how Gator Nation is feeling tonight.