Since it's very difficult to anthropomorphize wind, the Golden Hurricanes have experimented with various versions of what is now known as "Captain 'Cane." At a press conference today, the latest iteration of the Captain's look was unveiled to a very light smattering of applause. He's blue, he's muscular, he carries some sort of lightning sword (not as cool as it sounds) and he has male pattern baldness. Sadly, this is an improvement on the previous waffle-headed abomination.

Best of all, he has a comic book and a backstory. Behold:

The Captain ‘Cane story goes like this...Colin Cane, a freshman at The University of Tulsa, worked in IT support at night to help pay his way through college. During an electrical storm one night, Colin was called to the TU sports complex to fix a malfunctioning satellite that was broadcasting a live game. Never again would he watch his favorite team in action as a mere mortal. As he adjusted the satellite, the roar of the crowd coursed through the transmitter just as it was zapped with static electricity from the storm. Colin became entangled in a web of cyber-athletic forces. The atmospheric oddity known as a "binary vortex" mutated Colin over the course of several years. He eventually lost his hair but gained super-human powers. Thus he became Captain ‘Cane, a champion athlete and highly educated zealot of all things TU.

I guess Louie The Lightning Bug was booked.

TU's Mascot Gets A New Look [KOTV]

* * * * *

Well, the wolf is hungry so it's time to call it a day. Dolphins-Colts on MNF tonight. Oh, but the "Two and A Half Men" season premiere is also on! Gahhh! Why must you vex me so, TV gods?

Nobody has ever — EVER — lost a bowl game by more than 55 points until Bowling Green laid the most sulfurous of eggs in the GMAC Bowl last night, losing 63-7 to Tulsa. This may shock you, so I hope you're sitting down. T'aint fun to watch when it's your team getting dicktwisted for four quarters.

It didn't help matters that the Tulsa quarterback was going for some kind of passing record (most ulcers created in the state of Ohio). Once he had that record, he was still in there throwing touchdowns. I was half ready for TU to try an onside kick.

As tough as it was to watch — this post was mainly to let you guys know I didn't carve "SUSS WAS HERE" into my ceiling — I have, and always will, love the concept of running up the score, because it makes Xbox games exponentially fun. My third grade baseball coach used to say, "It's not my job to make the other team look good." This of course was a level in athletics when batting lineups could go well beyond nine to accommodate even the slow, fat kids. (I routinely batted thirteenth.)

From what I could tell, the starting defense remained on the field, so the onus was on them to stop Tulsa's offense by any means necessary. Unfortunately, the plan to tire Tulsa's offense out by letting them celebrate incessantly in the end zone backfired.

I'm sure I'll get over it at some point. Until then, could I please have everyone look directly into this light...

Golden Hurricane Dominates Falcons in GMAC Bowl [Toledo Blade]