One side of the bracket held the dazzling freshmen, the other side was about upperclassmen. The meeting of the West Champs and the South Champs had the Eye of the Tiger. And the meeting of East Champs vs. Midwest Champs had the Wig of the Jayhawk. Or something like that.

Memphis 78, UCLA 63

I'm sure a headline writer with a schmaltzier sense of humor will make something vomit-inducing out of this one, but I'm just going to say Rose > Love in San Antonio. Memphis guard Derrick Rose is from Chicago, and he pulled out moves reminiscent of a certain Bull in this one. The high-flyer put in 25 points to go with nine rebounds and four assists. Oh, and that included 11-12 FREE THROWS. In fact, the Tigers hit 87 percent last night, but according to the box score, only two players even shot FTs for Memphis.

Chris Douglas-Roberts has the Magna Carta* tattooed on his arm, and he laid down the law in this one with 28 points. Next game, it might behoove the Tigers to get a couple more players involved in the game.

*This is a lie, but I hope my High School History teacher is reading this.

Kansas 84, North Carolina 66

The Jayhawks built a lead in the first half that was so huge even they couldn't choke it away. Still: Give them credit for trying. A 2-2 tie in the opening minute was the closest North Carolina came to a lead, but a flurry of points from Danny Green cut holes in what was once a 40-12 gap. With 11 minutes left in the second half, the Kansas lead was cut to four, but the Tar Heels didn't have enough gas in the tank to seal the deal.

Davidson-killer Sasha Kaun spent much of the game on the bench with foul trouble, allowing Bill Self to introduce his latest hulking white man to the world; freshman Cole Aldrich was impressively cool, scoring eight and grabbing seven rebounds, as well as hitting all four of his free throws. Throw on one of those pencil-thin beards and you got yerself the poor man's Kevin Love.

So, your NCAA Championship game is set. If there were underdogs in this Final Four, these are they; Kansas vs. Memphis for the title. I'll make my official predictions closer to game time, but for now, I think I can confidently say two things. One, John Calipari can get you in a nice Hyundai for no money down, and nobody beats his prices. Two, Bill Self may actually say "Golly!" in a live televised interview. Meanwhile, Roy Williams and Ben Howland will have some time to visit the Alamo.

Getty Images Photo

Joey Dorsey has to play down his embarrassing domination at the hands of Greg Oden last year and Darren Collison needs to shake the specter of last year's performance in the title game. Each will have their hands full dealing with the likes of Kevin Love and Derrick Rose.

I'll be blogging the game from a bar in Adams Morgan in D.C., celebrating the [undisclosed] birthday of some blogger woman. (I hope she enjoys the glass ceiling I got her!) But, anyway, yeah, Adams Morgan. If there's a delay, it just means I've tripped over the mounds of douchebags.

Here's what the kids are predicting on the series of tubes:

Kansas Vs. North Carolina
Jay Bilas: North Carolina.
Seth Davis: Kansas.
Stuart Mandel: North Carolina.
Storming The Floor: North Carolina.
Deadspin: Kansas. Call it a hunch. We're not ready to see Bill Self in a national championship game though.

Memphis vs. UCLA
Jay Bilas: Memphis.
Seth Davis: UCLA.
Stuart Mandel: UCLA.
Storming The Floor: UCLA.
Deadspin: Memphis. No one has looked better the last week. And we were wrong.

So, light 'em up, people.

STF Final Four Capsules

Team: Kansas Jayhawks

How they got here: Beat #16 Portland State, #8 UNLV, #12 Villanova, #10 Davidson

Key player: Pick 'em. Brandon Rush led the scoring against Portland State. Mario Chalmers took over against UNLV. Then it was Rush again vs. Villanova. Sasha Kaun, of all people, saved the Jayhawks' bacon against Davidson. UNC's all-everything Forward Tyler Hansbrough is better individually than any Jayhawk who will check him, so the 'Hawks will have to throw big bodies at him. That means the perimeter defense of Brandon Rush on Danny Green will be crucial. If Rush can limit the long-distance shots and hit a few of his own, Kansas might be able to pull this one off.

Rooting interest: There are no underdogs in this Final Four, so we'll be looking for other reasons to root for these dominant teams. For Kansas players, basketball has been a refuge from personal pain, as illnesses, murdered relatives, car accidents and other difficulties have beset many of the players all season long. It would be nice to see a ray of sunshine. In addition, it's been 20 years since Danny and the Miracles claimed the 1988 crown, and now Mr. Manning is on the Kansas sideline as an assistant coach. That may be just the edge this star-crossed squad needs to get over the hump.

Final Four History: KU's last Final Four appearance came in 2003, when they defeated Marquette by more than 30 points before falling to Syracuse in the championship game. The coach who pulled that off, Roy Williams, is currently sitting on the other sideline. This is the first time Kansas coach Bill Self has made the final weekend with any team.

Team: North Carolina Tar Heels

How they got here: Beat #16 Mount St. Mary's, #9 Arkansas, #4 Washington State, #3 Louisville.

Key Player: Tyler Hansbrough. The Naismith Award winner for player of the year in college basketball has made even the haters give a little grudging respect. He never takes a play off, and he is capable of turning to the jumper when his inside game struggles. However, getting his hand on every rebound in the vicinity gives him ample chances to score, and when he scores, the Tar Heels win.

Rooting Interest: UNC went through a difficult stretch in the mid-season to get here. When guard Bobby Frasor went down with a torn ACL, that was a harsh blow. Then Ty Lawson, who was taking some of Frasor's minutes, was out for seven games with a sprained ankle. Magical leprechaun Roy Williams used all of his pixie dust to keep the dadgum Tar Heels in it, and even a home loss to Duke didn't faze his club. They just went back out and returned the favor in Cameron to end the season. Plus, it's just difficult to root against a head coach who says "Doggone."

Final Four History: Carolina's last Final Four was in 2005, the year they won it all. That was Roy Williams' first championship game win, but he had the benefit of four trips to the final weekend with Kansas before he ever took the Carolina job, including two Championship game losses. And lest we think that Coach Roy owns his opponent, it was Bill Self and the Illini that knocked Williams out in the Sweet 16 in 2001.

PREDICTION: CAROLINA. If this were all about runnin', gunnin' guard play, Kansas might have the edge. But Sasha Kaun, Darnell Jackson, and Darrell Arthur will have their collective hands full trying to pin down Hansbrough. Rush or Chalmers will have to have an out-of-body experience from behind the arc to pull this one off.

Team: Memphis Tigers

How they got here: Beat #16 Texas-Arlington, #8 Mississippi State, #5 Michigan State, #2 Texas

Key player: We love the old-school style of first team All-American CDR as much as the next guy, but point guard Derrick Rose is difference between this team and the two Memphis teams that were stopped in the Elite Eight. Rose has elevated his game late in the season in the scoring department and gives the Tigers not only an elite point guard to control the tempo, but a go-to man down the stretch when the game is on the line.

Rooting interest: Memphis has to be the Cinderella (or Rumpelstiltzkin ) team of the Final Four, right? Well, actually no, any team that goes 37-1 and spends five weeks at #1 can't seriously be considered a Cinderella. The only reason that they are even considered an underdog is fact that everyone and their brother had the Tigers crapping out two weeks ago and that the other three teams in the Final Four have a combined 48 Final Four appearances between them. Want a better reason to root for Memphis? Seeing the reaction of old, white sports reporters having a collective heart-attack while watching a Memphis team that couldn't give two shits about fundamentals or free throws cutting the nets down will be well worth it.

Final Four History: Memphis doesn't have nearly the pedigree of a UCLA or North Carolina, but it has made appearances in two other Final Fours, which is alot more than many teams can claim. In 1985, the Tigers ran into Rollie Massimino's miracle Nova squad and fell in the semifinals. In 1973, the Tigers advanced all the way to the championship game, where they were defeated by the Bill Walton-led Bruins.

Team: UCLA Bruins

How they got here: Beat #16 Mississippi Valley State, #9 Texas A&M, #12 Western Kentucky, #3 Xavier.

Key player: The easy choice here would be to go with Mr. Chest Pass Kevin Love as the key player for the Final Four, as he has no doubt been in first four games, leading the Bruins in scoring each time Thing is, Love is going to get the Bruins at least 20 and 10 as long as he steps on the floor. The key to UCLA advancing to the championship game will whether or not anyone in the recently inconsistent supporting cast steps on the offensive end to help him out. In particular, Josh Shipp can't play with his head inside his ass like he did against Texas A&M and Xavier, scoring a combined five points in those two games. The Bruins will need Shipp to be a viable outside threat if they hope to beat Memphis and UNC/Kansas.

Rooting interest: Sure, UCLA has more champions and Final Four appearances than any team in college basketball, but this UCLA team is fast on its way to becoming the Buffalo Bills of college basketball if they don't win the NCAA Championship this season. The past two seasons, UCLA's season ended after facing the Florida Gators. With Joakim Noah and the rest of that Gators squad scattered around the NBA, the Bruins have no excuses this season. So unless you want Berman picking UCLA to win the national championship for the next 12 seasons like he did with the Bills and the Super Bowl, root for the Bruins to get it done this year.

Final Four History: The Bruins under John Wooden kind of owned the 1960s and 70s, making the Final Four in all but one season from 1962 to 1977, and winning the whole thing 10 times in the process. Want to know the team that stopped that UCLA run? Idaho State, which knocked off the Bruins 76-75 in the Round of 32 in 1977. Bet you didn't see that coming? Bruins also reached the Final Four in 1980, 1995, 2006 and 2007, so you can guess that they Bruins are pretty used to this whole thing by now.

PREDICTION: UCLA. This one is probably going down to the wire thanks to the athleticism of Memphis, but the Bruins are way overdue for a complete game on both offensive and defensive ends, so we'll go with them in a tight one. The Bruins defense will not allow the same kind of easy shots that the Tigers got against Texas and Josh Shipp can't stay in a shooting slump forever. Also give the Bruins the edge in the hunger factor, as the Tigers' season was probably made when they advanced to the Final Four, while the Bruins will be viewed as a colossal failure if they don't cut down the nets this season.

Anyway, we don't understand how any team with Kevin Love could possibly be considered the most hated anything. We don't know what happened after this picture was taken, but we suspect he grabbed the net and rifled it down the court, outlet-style.

It's the third consecutive Final Four for UCLA, but because they haven't won a title yet in that span, they're not necessarily considered that much of a recent powerhouse. Still: They're UCLA. We love Bruins Nation, but already they're touting the "no one believes in us!" card. It is amazing the lengths people will go to in order to still consider themselves underdogs. Somehow we imagine that if Davidson had beat Kansas and gone on to play North Carolina in the Final Four, someone in Chapel Hill would have screamed, "No one thinks we have a chance! Prove 'em wrong, boys!"

Calling Out The Chicken Littles [Bruins Nation]

Naturally, this means we're getting the media ordained championship game we deserve, with Psycho T and KevLuv giving hope to all the big white people who really, really try on every possession.

Guuuuhhhhhh

East Region (Charlotte) Champion: North Carolina
Regional Most Outstanding Player - Tyler Hansbrough
North Carolina 83, Louisville 73

Louisville had this one tied with 10:21 left, and then UNC cranked up the defense again and started to inch ahead until it was all over. Say what you want about the excessive white-boy love (and Bilas love) of Hansbrough, but the guy does what it takes to get Carolina in the win column, and this tournament has been pretty much the same story. Hansbrough had 28 points and 13 rebounds, which included hitting jumpers from the top of the key as well as his usual flailing inside garbage points. Roy Williams now gets to sit back and wonder if he'll be facing fellow Carolinians Davidson in the Final Four, or his old team Kansas.

West Region Champion: UCLA
Regional Most Outstanding Player - Kevin Love
UCLA 76, Xavier 57

The Bruins are in the Final Four for the third straight season, which any perceptive basketball fan knows is a dicey proposition, because it means "shouldn't you have, like, won a championship by now?" This season, Florida no longer stands in their way, so Ben Howland might never have to hear that talk. If the Bruins are going to do it, they might want to hurry up. Phoenix MOP, Kevin Love had 19 points and 10 rebounds, and is making himself a hell of a lot of money right now. He seems completely unfazed by the pressure of this tournament and was seen goofing around shooting (and making) half- and full-court shots during a practice. Xavier was able to trade buckets in the first few minutes, but after that it was all UCLA.

SUNDAY PREVIEW

#2 Texas vs. #1 Memphis 2:40 pm
This is a tough one to call. Both teams will be facing the perception that they come from the weakest bracket if they make the Final Four, but I imagine that provides a lot of motivation. I will say one thing for Memphis - even if they lose this one, at least they avoided the ugly upset most of us predicted for them. Losing to the #2 team in your region is not an embarrassment. Texas relies pretty heavily on D.J. Augustin, but he seems equal to the task, and I'm sure he'd love to play a Final Four in the state of Texas. Memphis saw a lot of production from their big dogs in a rout of Michigan State, and may be ready to make it three #1 seeds in San Antonio.

#10 Davidson vs. #1 Kansas 5:50 pm
You know Davidson's story: Curry shoots the lights out, Richards gets him the ball, and the undersized Lovedale grabs the crucial boards. For Kansas, it's the usual talent and the recent streak of being unable to reach the Final Four under Bill Self. Here's what Self is facing, pressure-wise:

• Facing a hugely popular Cinderella team
• Could get beat by a #10 seed
• Two #1 seeds are in San Antonio already, Memphis could make it three
• He plays the last game of the weekend
• If he wins, he gets to play his predecessor, Roy Williams
• If Mark Mangino can win an Orange Bowl, what's your problem?

That about sums it up. And you wonder why the guy's going bald.

The first of our the regional finals pits the seemingly charmed - sometimes suspiciously so - UCLA Bruins against those nutty Jesuit Musketeers. Is the dunking process of Derrick Brown enough to hold off KevLuv and Co., or is UCLA just an inevitable tournament runner-up? Let's just stay out of the Sports Gods way as they elevate the Bruins to the Final Four.

West (Phoenix) Region

UCLA 88, Western Kentucky 78

When Darren Collison fouled out with 5:30 left, a whole lot of people started to believe that the Hilltoppers could win this thing. Of course, thereafter, the Bruins put a foot on WKU's neck and ended that talk with a quickness. In the moral victory column, the Hilltoppers gutted out a big comeback and had a chance to win at the end. Tyrone Brazelton had 31 for the Toppers, while Kevin Love and Russell Westbrook both notched points/rebounds double-doubles for the Bruins.
Xavier 79, West Virginia 75

Incredible game. WVU was behind by double figures in the first half and gritted its way back into it in the second. Bodies were hitting the ground like a Sopranos marathon. And when regulation ended with a tie and the extra period started, it was perfect March basketball. A shockingly wide-open shot when X inbounded the ball with just two seconds left on the shot clock sealed the deal, but for good measure, the Mountaineers started bricking free throws. Josh Duncan was Xavier's rock once again, scoring 26 and hitting nine of his ten free-throw attempts.

East (Charlotte) Region

North Carolina 68, Washington State 47

I have cast this as Unstoppable Force vs. Immovable Object for several days now, but I conveniently forgot that Roy Williams' teams are always capable of playing some D themselves, and that tipped the balance in this one. That and three-pointers. Not that UNC's 33 percent from the arc was mind-blowing, but in the early going, Tyler Hansbrough couldn't get untracked. As soon as the outside shots started to fall (Danny Green 3-5), Psycho T started doing his thing, and ended up leading the Tar Heels with 18 points and 9 rebounds.

Louisville 77, Tennessee 60

David Padgett is everything that is right about College Basketball, people. At least, that's what Jay Bilas would have us believe. What I can't figure out is, when he meets our other dorky white savior in the next round, who do we root for/genuflect in awe of? Anyway. Bruce Pearl threw Smiths at the Cards all night long, and it didn't make much difference in the outcome. Louisville's Jerry Smith had 13, as did Andre McGee. And Terrence Williams brought the oohs and aaahs with his athletic 12. By the way, Derrick Caracter (9 points, 5 rebounds) says he's going pro. Good luck with that, Chief.

Western Kentucky tried to sneak up on UCLA last night and darned near pulled it off, but the real news was Louisville, which blasted Tennessee and looked like a team that couldn't possibly have lost to Seton Hall. The only team that looked better than them was ... well, North Carolina, which, by their standards in this tournament, slacked off by only winning by 21.

We are sad, however, to see Joe Alexander and West Virginia gone. With a little more eccentricity and Jamiroquai style, he coulda been the next Pittsnogle.

UCLA Bruins

1. Worst Case Scenario already happened. When three of your top five players each have the worst offensive game of their UCLA career on the same night, and you still pull off the W, it's a pretty damn good sign. Against Texas A&M, Josh Shipp was scoreless for the first time since 2004, Luc Richard M'bah a Moute had eight turnovers and blew countless layups, and Russell Westbrook was out of control playing at 800 miles per hour. Still, Kevin Love and Darren Collison held it down and trademark Howlandesque lockdown defense over the last 10 minutes won the game. There's no way UCLA can play worse than that. All you Alfred Aboya groupies better start making San Antonio travel plans today.

2. Wild Accusations! Yeah, so over the past couple weeks, some whiny vaginas people have claimed that UCLA has received favorable calls in the waning seconds of close games. These expert analysts accurately point out that the referees have been paid off by UCLA, and that they are favorable to the Bruins because John Wooden is recovering from an unfortunate fall, and a UCLA championship would be a feel-good story. While most UCLA fans have provided thoughtful rebuttals to these accusations, I'll just go ahead and admit that yes, we paid the referees off. That's really the only legitimate explanation. Expect calls to go our way throughout the remainder of the tournament. Sorry. Maybe your favorite team should have thought of that first.

3. No Joak. As I now live in Gainesville, let me be the first to congratulate the Florida Gators in making their third straight final four appearance. What a feat! Here in Titletown, USA, the atmosphere is electric! The weather is heating up, pool parties are in full swing, and scantily clad UF co-eds are expecting nothing less than back to back to back National Basketball Championships! Fortunately for UCLA fans, the Gators are not on our side of the bracket in our tournament, so we will avoid the Billy D kryptonite that has destroyed us over the past two years. You can't spell NIT without Nick Calathes! — Trevor Gribble

WESTERN KENTUCKY HILLTOPPERS

1. Soapbox Moment. We've beaten Drake and San Diego to get to this point. Sounds like we're participating in The Waffle House Invitational over Christmas, rather than the NCAA tournament. I did find it odd that no one gave us a chance against Drake. And then I figured out why...we didn't participate in the ESPN Bracket Buster. You see, this is the only point of reference for the talking heads regarding mid-majors. Yet, the best mid-majors do not participate (West Coast Conference and Atlantic-10). WKU elected not to play along after two years ago drawing a home game against Northern Arizona. The Lumberjacks came to Kentucky on a February Saturday for an afternoon tilt, after playing a league (Big Sky) game on Thursday Night. Needless to say, there are no direct flights from Flagstaff to Bowling Green, KY. Well, we returned the game this season and it proved to be our worst loss of the season. What does all this mean for us against UCLA? Absolutely nothing, but hopefully it proves that the Bracketbuster is a sham event that does more harm than good for mid-majors.

2. Ellis Island, Kentucky. You might think that the WKU roster would be full of slow kids who need four picks to get a shot off. But you would be so wrong! We are doing our best to diversify the Commonwealth of Kentucky. Our backup point guard is named Orlando Mendez-Valdez. We have two players hailing from Africa (Desiree Gabou - Ivory Coast, Boris Siakam -Cameroon) and one from Asia (Japeth Aguilar - Philippines). Japeth was the only Filipino-born player in the NCAA this season. At WKU? Who'da thunk it?

3. Random Facts. Courtney Lee needs 16 points to become the all-time leading scorer in WKU history. Coach Darrin Horn and assistant Cypheus Bunton were a part of the last WKU team to reach the Sweet 16, in 1993. Another assistant, Scott Cherry, won a title as a player at North Carolina and was an assistant on George Mason's Final Four team. Although the Hilltoppers might have snuck up on you this season, we do have a solid basketball tradition. This will be our seventh appearance in the Sweet 16, advancing to the Final Four in 1971. UCLA has tradition too, a little bit, but it should be noted they have never defeated WKU. — Drew Hensley

Meanwhile, Awful Officiating asks the musical question, why do refs love LA teams so much? It even seems to extend to the NBA, as Golden State of Mind points out, where the Lakers beat the Warriors on Monday on a questionable call at the end.

4 Seconds Left: Inbound pass set in Faker territory. This is it. The last play of the game. Nellie's timeout prepped the team to tie it or shoot a 3 for the win. As the whistle blew and the players wrestled for position ... the unthinkable happened. Fisher fell to the ground grabbing Monta with him, and the ref Delaney, blew the whistle calling an offensive foul.

For those claiming that it's all a vast conspiracy, I ask, why would anyone go to all that trouble? I'm also not a proponent of the "officiating is getting worse" theory. A more likely explanation is that basketball at the upper levels has just become impossible to officiate; players are too fast and too big. I propose a rule change in which coaches can challenge plays like in the NFL. Lose a challenge, lose a time out. Or a scholarship. Whatever.

And consider this: If John Wooden has this much mystical power now, imagine what he's going to be able to do when he's dead.

RECAP: Warriors 119, Lakers 123: Revenge Of The Fakers [Golden State Of Mind]
The Officials Love LA! [Awful Officiating]
Those Bruins Are A Charmed Bunch [Deadspin]

West Virginia vs. Xavier, Thursday 7:10 pm

#7 West Virginia Mountaineers

Last Weekend: Defeated #10 Arizona 75-65 , defeated #2 Duke 73-67

How WVU Got Here: In pretty impressive fashion, actually. No first-round patsies for a #7 seed, but Bob Huggins and his 'Eers didn't flinch. Alex Ruoff shot the lights out in the first round, and his team followed suit, hitting 58% percent of their three-point tries. Four starters ended up in double figures in that game, as a talented but directionless Wildcat team was sent packing. Against Duke, it was a somewhat different story, as Joe Alexander took advantage of the soft Blue Devils to the tune of 22 points and 11 rebounds. All that was missing was the sound of dueling banjos.

What the Sweet 16 means to the Mountaineers: It's time to throw out the "NIT Champs" T-shirts. It also means that the Morgantown faithful will feel completely justified in doing whatever it took to hire Bob Huggins, with all of the attendant slime. When Huggins uses this exposure to recruit his own guys, look out. That creep can roll, man.

Chances to Reach San Antonio: Assuming they get past X, it still seems incredibly unlikely, with UCLA looming as a possibility. If the superior talent doesn't get them, the referee malfeasance will.

#3 Xavier Musketeers

Last Weekend: Defeated #14 Georgia 73-61, defeated #6 Purdue 75-68

How Xavier got here: The play of Josh Duncan and a balanced scoring attack that hit its stride at the right time. It appeared as if the Muskies were going to be the first high seed to flame-out of the NCAA Tournament on Thursday afternoon when The Muskies trailed Georgia by 11 in the second half of the Thursday game. Behind Duncan's 20 points (my pick for the most valuable player on Xavier), the Muskies mounted a 22-6 run to end the Bulldogs' miracle run. In the second round, Xavier's offensive attack was clicking on all cylinders, with Drew Lavender and C.J. Anderson each scoring 18 points, Duncan adding 16, and Stanley Burrell scoring 11 for the victory over a talented Purdue squad.

What the Sweet 16 means to the Musketeers: Since the Muskies have been in the Top 25 nearly all season and have done everything possible to dis their mid-major status and conference, a Sweet 16 appearance will no longer suffice. If Xavier really wants to be a big boy school, only an Elite 8 appearance will legitimize a season which saw Xavier attain the most wins in school history.

Chances to Reach San Antonio: Chances of reaching the Elite 8 are at 50%, with a tough upcoming match-up with a surging and very similar West Virginia squad. There is, however, a giant roadblock in the way of the Final Four called UCLA.

Western Kentucky vs. UCLA, Thursday 9:40pm

#12 Western Kentucky Hilltoppers

Last Weekend: Defeated #5 Drake 101-99 (OT), defeated #13 San Diego 72-63.

How WKU Got Here: By dominating their weight class. Some small part of the Hilltoppers probably balked at having to knock out brother mids, but then again, not that much. Passing the ball off to Ty Rogers for the last-millisecond shot on Friday was a gamble that electrified Hoops Nation, and the defeat of fellow upstarts San Diego was the Courtney Lee show, as the pro prospect scored 29 points with 7 rebounds.

What the Sweet 16 means to the Hilltoppers: Everything. The Hilltoppers have a proud history, but in the modern era of the tournament, the last time they made the grade was 1993. It's impossible to calculate what this means to the program and the Sun Belt conference, but we can guess it feels damn good, and that nobody will hang their heads too far if the ride ends here.

Chances to Reach San Antonio: Slim. Beating very good mids is nothing to sneeze at, but UCLA has multiple pro prospects vs. the Hilltoppers' one. The best WKU can realistically hope for is a close result that validates their run thus far. Their heart and hoops IQ have never been in doubt.

#1 UCLA Bruins

Last Weekend: Defeated #16 Mississippi Valley State 70-29, defeated #9 Texas A&M 51-49.

How UCLA Got Here: It started with the holding of Mississippi Valley State to a tourney record 29 points in round one, but got it a bit rocky in the round of 32. It took a late game rally for the Bruins to overcome a double-digit deficit and escape Anaheim alive. Albeit with many a questionable call and a bit of luck, but they escaped nonetheless. A big part of that escape was the play of their two biggest stars in Darren Collison and Kevin Love, while the role players seem to have forgotten what time of year it is. Josh Shipp has averaged just 3 points thus far and Luc Richard Mbah a Moute's still nursing his injured ankle. The defense, however, remains as strong as ever.

What the Sweet 16 Means to the Bruins: Nothing. The Bruins have reached two consecutive Final Fours only to be sent packing by the eventual champion Florida Gators. Sure, it's nice that they can tack up a third straight Sweet 16 banner, but it means almost nothing to these two-time bridesmaids. Nothing short of a Final Four will meet expectations, and a championship is almost necessary for a group that could be remembered for coming up short on the biggest of stages without it.

Chances to Reach San Antonio: Great. They're arguably the tourney's best defensive squad remaining, and anytime you play defense like the Bruins, your odds increase. Add that to their superstar tandem of Collison and Love, and it looks like the Bruins will be dancing to the tourneys final song for a third strait year. That said, if the trio of Shipp, Mbah a Moute and Russell Westbrook fail to show up on the offensive end the Bruins could head home shocked as early as Thursday.

A letter in the March 24 edition of Sports Illustrated reads:

"I was shocked to see, in a photo of the Oregon student section, my son partaking in the harassment of UCLA's Kevin Love. When he came home the following weekend, his car was taken away and he headed back to school on a bus. I am embarrassed and wish to apologize to Kevin and his family." — Armando Navarro, Clackamas, Ore.

And they say that print media is dead.

Here's the SI story in question.

And, following below are some other potential bus customers that SI missed. You kids should be ashamed of yourselves!

Thanks For The Bus Ride, Sports Illustrated! [theWhammy]

Of course, guessing what would have happened if a foul would have been called, and how that would have all went down, is one of those empty games we all play with ourselves to pretend there's some sort of order to the chaos. But man, imagine if Texas A&M would have pulled this game out: Xavier, Texas A&M, West Virginia and Western Kentucky, battling for a shot at the final four. Billy Packer would never stop crying.

For all the Kevin Love, uh, love, we think the most compelling character left in the West Regional has to be West Virginia coach Bob Huggins. This guy has had an active few years; surely, you haven't forgotten the epic DUI video. In a way, West Virginia and Huggins have always been a perfect fit, and not just because he went to school there. We're not sure what kind of message it would send about academics in college basketball of Bob Huggins led WVU to the Final Four ... probably an extremely honest one, actually.

But hey: Cincinnati's athletic grade point average is up a tick or two, so there's that.

Pics Of The Night [Rush The Court]
Bob Huggins Suspended [Cincinnati Enquirer]

1 UCLA vs. 16 Mississippi Valley State (Anaheim)
If the 16 over 1 is ever going to happen this would be the most shocking one possible as the Delta Devils boast a 17-15 overall record and five 30-plus point losses to teams that either reached the dance or just missed. That includes a 71-26 point drubbing in Pullman to Washington State, a team the Bruins beat twice this season in the Pac-10.
The Pick: UCLA

8 BYU vs. 9 Texas A&M (Anaheim)
The player to see here is BYU big man Trent Plaisted. He's shown this year he can get the job done against prime competition, averaging a double-double against this year's field (MSU, L'Ville, and UNC). On the other side it's a bit of a tossup as the Aggies still lack the go-to threat they lost when Acie Law graduated after last season. Donald Sloan tries to fill the role, but his inability to do so has been a big part of the Aggies' inconsistency as a whole. If he's not hitting from the perimeter, the Cougar defense will key inside and make it almost impossible for A&M to win.
The Pick: BYU

5 Drake vs. 12 Western Kentucky (Tampa)
The Hilltoppers can play with anyone. Courtney Lee is one of the nation's top seniors and he can do it all, be it shoot from outside, rebound, or break down the defense off the dribble and get to the rim. The team as a whole can score in bunches, but it's that all-too-necessary defense that seems to get in the way. I think most people know what Drake can do at this point. They're one of the country's best three-point shooting squads, yet their most valuable player - Adam Emmenecker - attempted only two all season (he missed them both). He's a bit of a poor man's Steve Nash, as he makes the engine go while Josh Young and Jonathan Cox light up the scoreboard. WKU can certainly beat Drake if their shots aren't falling, but I think the Bulldogs will be ready to play.
The Pick: Drake

4 Connecticut vs. 13 San Diego (Tampa)
If you're searching hard for that upset special out west this may be the one. The Toreros' Brandon Johnson is a do-it-all guard who handles the ball at all times and possesses a smooth stroke from all over the court. The problem is a lack of consistent help as Freshmen Rob Jones and Trumaine Johnson aren't ready for prime time just yet, a fact that makes their WCC Tourney win that much more impressive. UConn has an enormous defensive presence in supreme shot blocker Hasheem Thabeet alongside Jeff Adrien. A.J. Price has been fantastic running the point. Add to that a continuously improving Stanley Robinson and San Diego looks like a real long shot. But hey, it's a shot.
The Pick: UConn

6 Purdue vs. 11 Baylor (Washington D.C.)
Despite their success this year in the sloth-styled Big Ten, many don't seem to think Purdue is a real threat to make some noise this year. Part of that is the four freshmen they rely heavily on to get the job done. In addition, none of their players jump out at you defensively. They're a polar opposite to their opponent across the board. While certainly not tourney experienced, the Bears (last appeared in 1988) start four juniors including work horse guard Curtis Jerrells. Jerrells can score with the best guards in the country and he's got super frosh LaceDarius Dunn to help out off the bench. Factor in the pair of seven-footers the Bears rotate and the defense starts to look good as well. It's a very balanced squad that goes 10 deep and relies heavily on upperclassmen. Hmm... smells like an upset doesn't it?
The Pick: Baylor

3 Xavier vs. 14 Georgia (Washington D.C.)
As fun as Georgia's run through the SEC tourney was to watch, I'm not sure it'll translate to the big dance with Xavier sitting on the other bench. The Musketeers are loaded and just about everyone can shoot the three and play in your face defense. The big question is the teams engine Drew Lavender, who's been slowed by injury recently. Leading to a pair of losses to St. Joe's over the last week, but all indications point to the semifinal tourney loss being a good thing, as it gave him time to rest. If he's good to go I have little reservation about Xavier reaching the Elite 8. Remember this team gave Ohio State their toughest test of the tournament last season and they're even better this year. Stanley Burrell, the teams best defender, should give Georgia's top player Sundiata Gaines fits all day and with Gaines' tendency to force shots it doesn't look good. All that said I think this could be a tougher game for Xavier than the possible Duke match up, despite Georgia's 4 SEC regular season wins.
The Pick: Xavier

7 West Virginia vs. 10 Arizona (Washington D.C.)
While Arizona's final profile doesn't look overly spectacular they can get the job done on both ends of the floor. In large part due to the defensive emphasis interim coach Kevin O'Neil has brought to the team. Their also tested as they played the nations 2nd toughest schedule. Nearly knocking off UCLA, Memphis and Kansas (in Lawrence) this season. The biggest of their offensive cogs is freshman Jerryd Bayless who may finally get the national recognition he deserves if the 'Cats can advance. He's dropped thirty multiple times this season and looks a lot like Arizona alums Gilbert Arenas and Mike Bibby (more Bibby). With West Virginia it all starts and ends with Joe Alexander. If he gets hot their may not be anyone in the country who can slow down the versatile big man. If he can't get going though it could be a long afternoon for West Virginia as they lack a second option as strong as Arizona's Chase Budinger. All in all it looks like the definition of a pick 'em.
The Pick: Arizona

2 Duke vs. 15 Belmont (Washington D.C.)
Belmont does one thing well and that's shoot, but so Duke and they have a solid frontcourt that Belmont can't compete with. If Belmont to pull the upset they'll need a shoot day for the ages and with Duke's defense I just don't think it happens. But expect Duke to have all kinds of trouble with teams like Xavier and Arizona should they advance as the Blue Devils struggle quite a bit against athletic point guards.
The Pick: Duke

Some West Region Superlatives...

Dark Horse for Final Four: Xavier
Dark Horse for Sweet 16: Arizona
Best First Round Upset: Baylor over Purdue
Best Opening Round Game: Arizona-West Virginia
Best Potential Game: UCLA-Xavier
Round of 32: UCLA over BYU, Drake over UCONN, Xavier over Baylor, Duke over Arizona
Sweet 16: UCLA over Drake, Xavier over Duke
Elite Eight: UCLA over Xavier
Regional Champ: UCLA

UCLA BRUINS

1. "Well, Jack Likes It." Remember when Dukie V and the state of Tennessee blew their collective load when "big time celebrities" Peyton Manning and Priscila Presley showed up at the Memphis-Tennessee game? Yawn. As the greatest basketball program in NCAA history, situated in the heart of LA between Beverly Hills and Bel Air, it's commonplace for celebs to catch a game at Pauley. It's nice, but we could really care less. However, I'll gladly admit that we were a little star-struck in the Pac-10 Clincher vs Stanford. After Russell Westbrook's offensive rebound and score with 49 seconds to go in the 2nd half, the camera cut to Jack Nicholson enthusiastically throwing out 13 fist-pumps in celebration of the Bruin comeback. Jack doesn't mess around, kids. He only shows up for the best. UCLA is as good as it gets!

2. 57 North - 10 East. UCLA has a pretty simple path this year to our 12th banner. Just like the last two years, we will again have ridiculous home court advantage in the Anaheim and Phoenix regionals. And ever since the Kingdome blew up, San Antonio is as West as it gets for the final 4. Bruin fans have been booking their flights to SAT ever since Kevin Love picked up his UCLA hat in July 2006.

3. K Love and Russell Youtube. All of UCLA's players are awesome. That being said, these two guys have just been ridiculous this year. Love's All-American low post domination and Westbrook's consistent teabagging of opposing defenders have earned them a special place in the hearts of every UCLA fan. — Trevor Gribble

MISSISSIPPI VALLEY STATE DELTA DEVILS

1. Nine in a Row. The Delta Devils haven't lost a March game this season. In fact, they were sporting a dreadful 8-15 record on February 16, and they have won every game since to get to 17-15. Their overall record didn't get above .500 until their SWAC semifinal win over Arkansas-Pine Bluff.

2. A Head Slap for Old Times Sake. MVSU produced two of the greatest football players ever. Deacon Jones invented the term "sack" to describe the crippling hits he laid on opposing NFL quarterbacks as an old-school Ram, Charger, and Redskin. Jerry Rice was a legendary workout warrior who amassed over 22,000 receiving yards and 200 touchdowns in the NFL. He ended up at Valley because then-head man Archie Cooley was the only coach to pay Rice a recruiting visit.

3. Stanford is in the Tournament. Duh. They've been an at-large lock for weeks. But the first Stanford to officially make this year's Dance was Valley Senior Stanford Speech. With Chief Kickingstallionsims knocked out in the SWAC semis, Stanford will have to carry the all-name honors for the conference. Also on the MVSU roster: Andrew Jackson. Not the dude on the $20 bill, but the seldom-used 6'1" Freshman Forward Andrew Jackson. — Storming The Floor

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2. 57 North - 10 East. UCLA has a pretty simple path this year to our 12th banner. Just like the last two years, we will again have ridiculous home court advantage in the Anaheim and Phoenix regionals. And ever since the Kingdome blew up, San Antonio is as West as it gets for the final 4. Bruin fans have been booking their flights to SAT ever since Kevin Love picked up his UCLA hat in July 2006.

3. K Love and Russell Youtube. All of UCLA's players are awesome. That being said, these two guys have just been ridiculous this year. Love's All-American low post domination and Westbrook's consistent teabagging of opposing defenders have earned them a special place in the hearts of every UCLA fan. — Trevor Gribble

For example, BYU's last-second blocked kick to beat UCLA in the Las Vegas Bowl was rather exciting (are we sure that was blocked? Looked more like the ball just kind of deflated on its own free will). But while some are familiar with the decline of UCLA, few people got to watch a BYU game this year. For one, I was reminded of the fact that BYU players often go on Mormon missions around the world. That has to be tough to recruit through. Can you imagine if ACC players did that? "Yeah, hey coach. I'm... uh ... gonna take a leave from the team for two years. Don't know where I'm goin'. What's that? Yeah, I know I was gonna be your starting running back. I just ... um, have to do this. But hey, I can join the team again when I come back, right? Thanks coach. Oh, one more thing. Can I have some money? I don't plan on getting a job the next two years."

The list goes on. Schnellenberger's Create-A-School endeavors at FAU. Jeff Bower's enigmatic resignation from Southern Miss. Ben Mauk's transfer to Cincinnati. The fact that New Mexico's bowl win makes it one more team that's won one of these silly games since the last time Notre Dame did. So if you can ignore the handful of bad games, BCS soft news and Hannah Montana product placement promos, the early part of bowl season isn't half bad, considering they're the only postseason games in the world that don't factor into the national championship at all.

The Magic Continues For Cougars [Salt Lake Tribune}

So Deadspin picks up on a "story" of an Asian-American Bruin band member named Brian Suksomwong. Evidently this is the funniest name of all time. Well, its not that funny, in my humble opinion. I think the folks at deadspin need to get a life. We all know sc fans will pick up on this.

• "A good friend of mine knew a nice couple — Harry and Rosie Tush. He swears that's true. I don't know if they were Bruins." — Fox 71

• "Here's another one: Phuoc Hu. (Vietnamese I think). I also knew a Harry Cox." — Godblessyyus95

• "I had a root canal done by a Dr Fang in Tustin, California." — whp68

• "If anyone remembers ... the 2003-2004 bball season and the long-haired band member that would wildly jump up and down in front of the opposing team's charity stripe attempt, that was Brian." — bhmt

• "LEAVE SUKSOMWONG ALONE! How f*cking dare anyone out there make fun of Suksomwong after all he has been through.! (sobbing) He graduated, he changed his name! He had two f*cking trumpets! All you people care about is..... readers and making money off of him. HE'S A HUMAN! (sobbing) What you don't realize is that Suksomwong is making you all this money and all you do is write a bunch of crap about him. He hasn't performed on the field in years. He should play "Gimme More" for a reason because all you people want is MORE! MORE-MORE, MORE: MORE!. (sobbing) LEAVE HIM ALONE! You are lucky he even performed for you BASTARDS! LEEEAVE SUKSOMWONG ALLLLLONE!.....Please. (sobbing) Leave Suksomwong Alone Please.... ! (sobbing) Leave Suksomwong alone! Right now! I mean it.! Anyone that has a problem with him you deal with me, because he is not well right now. (sobbing) Leave him alone! (sobbing)" — WhatWouldKornheiserDo

• "Speaking of unfortunate names, though, has anyone else ever seen the sign that hung in the University Research Library commemorating Mr. Hugh G. Dick? I think they might have since taken the sign down, but it was definitely up (albeit hidden) the whole time I was at school." — London

Bruins Nation is right, of course; we should be above making sport of people's names. It won't happen again. Except for this. Dang it! Sorry.

Could This Be, At Long Last, The World's Funniest Name? [Deadspin]
Really Funny ... Not [Bruins Nation]

I think that it's every UCLA coed's dream to one day be Mrs. Suksomwong. Ladies, ladies, please! No pushing! Sheesh, take a number!

[UCLABand.com, via Dave Barry Blog]

The details of McNair's situation seem as bad, if not worse, than Michael Vick's.

In March 1994, police in the New Jersey Borough of Paulsboro shot and killed a pit bull for biting and locking onto a neighborhood dog. They suspected the dog belonged to McNair, and discovered six more chained in his yard. He agreed to move them. On March 30, 1996, McNair was charged with cruelty to animals, failure to obtain licenses and keeping animals for the purpose of fighting on his property in East Greenwich, N.J. Animal control officers found up to 22 pit bulls, including 17 adults and five puppies. "I've never seen anything like it," Gloucester County officer Charles Barone told the Philadelphia Daily News in a story dated April 4, 1996. Police Chief William Giordano told the newspaper: "These conditions are deplorable."

The Rocky Mountain News reported later that year that the dogs were attached to heavy automobile towing chains. Some of the dogs were found in standing water, and many were scarred. Several had fresh wounds and one had a broken leg.

McNair has already paid his fines and served his probation, so we don't quite understand the notion of firing him, as some have called for. But we certainly have a better idea now how that whole USC running back logjam resolved itself: Halfback fights!

Southern Cal Now Engulfed In An Ugly Dog Cruelty Scandal [Bruins Nation]

I'm afraid I won't be with you for tonight's basketball festivities — I decided to try actually watching a game without a keyboard in front of me. I don't know what that's going to be like, but I've heard it's wild.

I wouldn't even know where to start with a preview... there are so many personalities and angles and storylines that this can't help but be a memorable night. Joakim Noah's constant battle against the haters, the stifling defense of UCLA against the immeasurable talent of the Gators, and Hibbert vs. Oden, which I think should be subtitled "The H is O." Also, The Rookie is on ABC.

I'll leave you with two YouTube videos... one Joakim Noah video that's a little mean, but very chuckle-worthy, and then this Billy Packer admission that won't surprise you at all.

Because Saturday's Final Four matchup between Florida and UCLA is a rematch of last year's national championship game, some bad blood is still stewing, or boiling, or whatever bad blood does, and UCLA fans are wanting revenge. And how does today fan fire himself for revenge? Funny PhotoShops!

This Joakim Noah-as-geisha-girl creation is one of many at this Bruins fan site. They got tons of 'em, including Joakim as Michael Jackson, an Osmond and as the Lord of the Dance. PhotoShop is fun.

Florida Fans, Do NOT Read This Thread [BruinReportOnline]

We're not necessarily still swooning over the weekend of basketball we witnessed — there was only one outstanding game, the Georgetown-North Carolina game yesterday, and that was mostly outstanding because the Tar Heels went 1-for-2,239 down the stretch — but it certainly has set up something beautiful next weekend in Atlanta. (Which we will be present for, by the way; we'll talk more about that this week.)

Seriously, though: Georgetown-Ohio State and Florida-UCLA? That's a rather amazing doubleheader. Even though the whole tournament has been predictable and lacked a lot of fevered lunacy — unless you're talking the Division II tournament — it appears to have led up to something that was all worth it. Remember how lousy all three Final Four games were last year? Shouldn't be a problem this time.

For Four Teams, A Season To Remember [TimesSelect]

Quite a little final four we're left with. On one side, an Oden/Hibbert matchup of behemoths, and on the other side, a rematch of last year's championship game. Could it get better than that? I feel very special in my pants right now.

Also, don't forget the other big event of the evening, Peyton Manning hosting Saturday Night Live. I'm kind of excited about it, he'll be about the third-funniest member of the cast. If there's any kind of a Chesney reference, Peyton Manning will have my undying respect.

UCLA

1. Oh, just the two hottest women on the planet are in our corner. Have you ever wanted to have a threesome with Jessica Alba and Brooke Burke? Well, if you're a UCLA fan, now you can! See, Miss Alba currently dates Cash Warren, whose dad, Mike Warren, has two NCAA Championship rings from his basketball days at UCLA. Combine that with her SoCal roots, and you'll find that she's a huge UCLA fan. Next up we have Ms. Burke. Rick Majerus knows her best as the succulent host of E!'s late night series, "Wild On...," where she and other scantily-clad women frolicked around the globe providing ample amounts of spank-bank material. Prior to that, Brooke was a student at UCLA, studying Broadcast Journalism and modeling on the side. Obviously, she also is a huge UCLA fan. So therefore, the next time you see Jessica and Brooke out on the town together, throw on a Bruins hat, start singing "Sons of Westwood," do an 8-clap, and let the m nage-a-trois ensue! Bonus Fact: Brooke's "Wild On..." predecessor, Jules Asner, is also a UCLA alum - make it a m nage-a-quatre!

2. Staying on the topic of incredible breasts. One of the best kept secrets in Westwood is that all Playboy Mansion parties begin and end at UCLA. The mansion is located at 10236 Charing Cross Road in Beverly Hills, about a mile from campus. Google Earth it. You'll see that there is very limited parking on the premises, so whenever Hugh hosts a big event, cars need somewhere to park. The solution: UCLA Lot 7. The guest list is handled in the underground parking lot, and once you get your wristband, you jump on a shuttle and get whisked away to the Mansion. Pretty sweet, huh? I would be remiss if I didn't mention that Pitt & Kansas' parking lots are used for similar awesome events such as tours of abandoned steel factories and the annual Lawrence Barbecue & Hoedown Festival.

3. No. 100. Every college has its own commercial that gets aired once during televised basketball or football games. Most of these suck. The UCLA one always sucked, but a new one started airing about a month ago, and it's pretty badass:

Even though we've got more National Championships than every other school, we're sick of being stuck on 99. Four different sports have come up just shy of trophy #100 since last May. Conveniently, our marquee sport now gets the shot to bring home the century mark. Destiny?? We'll find out soon enough. GO BRUINS!!!

P.S. Attention UCLA Band: If we play Kansas, whatever you do, DO NOT play "Carry on my Wayward Son." You screwed this up in 2002 and you better not do it again! — Trevor Gribble

PITTSBURGH

1. Simply put, Sam Young is a beast. He doesn't start and oftentimes he's not even the first guy off the bench. Regardless he's often the difference between victory and defeat. On a team centered around a stoic inside presence and a heavy dose of outside shooting, Young uses his raw athleticism to catch the defense off guard. Of course this is nothing new to those in the DC area. Young famously promised to do back flips if his Friendly High School team won a second consecutive Maryland state title. That season he averaged 24.6 points and 14 rebounds per game. They won the the championship and Young kept his promise before heading to Pitt. Just another example of Gary Williams' inept recruiting.

2. Ben's Daughter. I attended Pitt and my brother is a UCLA grad, so there's a bit of discord within the family, but we've got nothing on the Howlands. Stuck in the middle is Coach Ben's lovely daughter Meredith. She's currently enrolled at Pitt where she used to be a cheerleader. Since her parents moved to Westwood, she's become even closer with their closest friends, Jamie Dixon's family. When Howland was asked who she was supporting he indicated that she was loyal to her father. Meredith, you're dead to me.

3. Can't Get Here Before. You know glass ceilings aren't just for ball-busting corporate types, Pitt has bumped into the Sweet 16's invisible barrier three times in five years. It all started back in March of 2002. I was a bright eyed freshmen (until I spent six months living in Tower C) when Ben Howland's reconstruction of the basketball program led to a glorious tournament run. The Sweet 16 paired us against Trevor Huffman and his Kent State Golden Flashes. But on this night it was not Huffman that would draw my ire; his name was Antonio Gates. 22 points 8 rebounds and 4 assists. He shot 7/11 from the field and an ultimately devastating 8/9 from the line. I assumed he was going to be a pro, I just never thought he'd be an All Pro. — unsilent majority

First Three UCLA Tidbits [Deadspin]
First Three Pittsburgh Tidbits [Deadspin]

UCLA BRUINS

1. White guys from Orange County, brah! A lot of people make a big deal out of the fact that UCLA has 2 Cameroonians, a Canadian and a Serbian pimp (Facebook pictures don't lie) on the roster. That's just fine and dandy, but in all seriousness, what college team doesn't have a full UN committee on their roster these days? The real void in the college basketball demographic can be found by taking the 405 South about an hour from the UCLA campus. How many kids can you name who just two years ago were busy partying with the cast of Laguna Beach and are now playing D1 ball? If you're a talented high school athlete in the 949, your priorities typically look like this: Surf, girls, surf, girls, volleyball practice brah!, surf, girls, hair gel, water polo practice, surf, girls, girls. High School Basketball in the OC?? Give me a break! Only the most baller of ballers can pull that off, and UCLA has not one, but two of them on the team: Mike Roll and James Keefe. Two OC studs who could have just as easily been majoring in Vagina Acquisition at USC, but instead chose to help lead UCLA to dominance.

2. Finally, 100% Lavin Free. Sure, we all loved the contributions of Cedric Bozeman and Ryan Hollins in last year's championship-game run. They were great and all, but as long as they were wearing 'UCLA' across their chests, the stench of Steve Lavin was still lingering around the locker room. With the graduation of four seniors last year (Bozeman, Hollins, Michael Fey and Janou Rubin), the UCLA program has now completely rid itself of the taint of Steve 16. It's all Ben Howland's program now. No more excuses. Although, I must admit that us UCLA fans miss the days when our star player, TJ Cummings, was allowed time away from practice so that he could make sweet sweet love to Missy Elliot after his cameo in her "Work it" video.

3. Me and Lorenzo, chilling in the Benzo. We've beat up on a lot of teams in the past two years. Fans everywhere realize the only chance their team has of beating us is if they can figure out a way to get under our players skin when we come to town. Some get creative and have been successful, most notably Ryan J. Boyd of West Fuckin' Virginia, who distracted our team by throwing planet earth out of orbit with his pelvic thrusts. However, the vast majority of our opposing fans are not nearly as resourceful as Mr. Boyd. They typically resort to the "Let's talk shit" technique, and usually target the questionable physical appearance of our starting center, Lorenzo Mata. To them I reply, "Let's do the math, shall we?" A simple Google search of 'lorenzo+mata+ugly' yields 28,800 results, while a search of 'lorenzo+mata+bitches' yields 132,000 results. The math is simple ladies and gentlemen ... for every hater out there who tries belittling our legendary big man, there are five ladies ready and willing to service him. Therefore, your attempts at distraction are fruitless. You should have had a fat guy do the YMCA, dumbasses. — Trevor Gribble

WEBER STATE WILDCATS

1. The Original 'Cinderella Team.' You've seen the DirecTV commercial: "Who ever heard of Weber State?" Outside of Utah, the only people who know the name (and that it's pronounced WEE-ber) are NCAA Tournament fans who recognize the Wildcats as the scrappy minor-mid-major team that has managed to win six first-round games since 1969. The team's greatest moment in the spotlight was its 1999 first-round win over North Carolina, followed by an overtime loss to Florida.

2. Who's the Little Guy? The one in the purple-striped tie, who disappears completely in the middle of a players huddle? That's first-year head coach Randy Rahe. And while generous reports put his height at 5-7 or 5-8, he's suddenly a giant in the state and in the Big Sky Conference (which, by the time this is posted, will assuredly have named him coach of the year after the Wildcats' worst-to-first turnaround). Rahe's a no-nonsense guy who put this team together around only three returning players and got everyone to buy into a team-first, hard-work mentality. He's also refreshingly non-clich in interviews: When asked about watching Weber's 21-point lead in the Big Sky title game dwindle to two points in the second half, he replied, "I wanted to throw up."

3. Players to Watch. Senior forward David Patten, the Big Sky player of the year, is the heart of this team. He has great range, shooting almost 40 percent from 3-point land, but was asked to play closer to the basket this season and developed into an inside threat — he'll participate in the dunk contest at the Final Four. He's also tough, suffering a broken cheekbone during a game on February 1, then scoring 22 points against Northern Arizona 48 hours later. Others: Dezmon Harris, the junior point guard who's not really a point guard. You'll recognize him by his ball-handling skills, his fearless drives to the basket and his absolutely gigantic head. A head that size should be on a 7-footer's body; Harris is 6-1. Sophomore guard Juan Pablo (JP) Silveira of Uruguay has scored in double figures eight of his last nine games. He also is smoking hot and has developed a devoted female fan base in Ogden and among the ladies of Deadspin. — Jen Philion

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2. Finally, 100% Lavin Free. Sure, we all loved the contributions of Cedric Bozeman and Ryan Hollins in last year's championship-game run. They were great and all, but as long as they were wearing 'UCLA' across their chests, the stench of Steve Lavin was still lingering around the locker room. With the graduation of four seniors last year (Bozeman, Hollins, Michael Fey and Janou Rubin), the UCLA program has now completely rid itself of the taint of Steve 16. It's all Ben Howland's program now. No more excuses. Although, I must admit that us UCLA fans miss the days when our star player, TJ Cummings, was allowed time away from practice so that he could make sweet sweet love to Missy Elliot after his cameo in her "Work it" video.

3. Me and Lorenzo, chilling in the Benzo. We've beat up on a lot of teams in the past two years. Fans everywhere realize the only chance their team has of beating us is if they can figure out a way to get under our players skin when we come to town. Some get creative and have been successful, most notably Ryan J. Boyd of West Fuckin' Virginia, who distracted our team by throwing planet earth out of orbit with his pelvic thrusts. However, the vast majority of our opposing fans are not nearly as resourceful as Mr. Boyd. They typically resort to the "Let's talk shit" technique, and usually target the questionable physical appearance of our starting center, Lorenzo Mata. To them I reply, "Let's do the math, shall we?" A simple Google search of 'lorenzo+mata+ugly' yields 28,800 results, while a search of 'lorenzo+mata+bitches' yields 132,000 results. The math is simple ladies and gentlemen ... for every hater out there who tries belittling our legendary big man, there are five ladies ready and willing to service him. Therefore, your attempts at distraction are fruitless. You should have had a fat guy do the YMCA, dumbasses. — Trevor Gribble

Just to make sure we end your day on as lowbrow a point as we can possibly muster, here's the reason UCLA lost to West Virginia on Saturday. This guy. Let this be a lesson for all of you: Do not come into this guy's house and expect to escape alive.

The Reason For Our Loss [Bruins Nation]

• (7) Ohio State 82, Iowa 63. Greg Oden registered a career-high 29 points. Iowa coach Steve Alford called him a "super talent." Thad Matta said he was "tremendous." Oden deflected all the praise onto his teammates. He then walked every elderly fan home, pleasured all the young ladies in the crowd, delivered a baby, built OSU a brand new science department brick-by-brick, and got Troy Smith to smile for the first time in a couple of weeks.

• Texas Tech 69, (5) Kansas 64. Darryl Dora, he of the 5.2-point-per-game average, came out of nowhere with a big game against the 5th-ranked Jayhawks. Dora explored the studio space for 19 points, Martin Zeno had 14, and Jarious Jackson had 15, though he failed to register anything in any other statistical category except turnovers. Texas A&M is up next for Texas Tech. Speaking of which...

• (8) Texas A&M 67, (14) Oklahoma State 49. Not a bad day when you can beat the #14 team in the country by 18 points. Acie Law had 16 for the Aggies, while Antanas Kavaliauskas chipped in 14. Kavaliauskus got his nose bloodied in the first half and had a groin issue in the second half, but played through it.

Top 25 Scoreboard

Daniel Crowson, whose face was scraped and bruised, told reporters he lost an eye when he and a friend were set upon by as many as 10 UCLA fans simply they were "convenient" and "had the opposing colors on." "There certainly was no instigation," the Torrance man said.

Crowson said he was taking punches from as many as 10 attackers, then "out of nowhere, I just remember seeing a flash of a bottle come across my face." His wife also recounted seeing her husband's injuries. "I see my husband come around the front of the car, covered in blood and just adrenaline-pumped, and screaming and saying, 'They hit me with a bottle, they hit me with a bottle,'" she said. "The glass that hit his eye went through every layer of eye, severing it all, all the way to the jelly."

"All the way to the jelly." Jeepers. Way to go, UCLA fans; we honestly didn't think you had it in you.

USC Fan Loses Eye After Pro-UCLA Group Attack [CBS]