So, it's the notorious floppers from Italy vs. the scrappy underdogs of Ukraine. The second of the four quarterfinals matches, and the one that's supposedly the biggest "on paper" mismatch of the quarterfinals. We won't lie: We're rooting for Ukraine. We suspect some of you are too.

Your live-bloggers are the fine folks from F.C. Camena, a soccer site that's much more studied and intelligent about these matters than we are. (It's a very fun site, actually.) It's Eusebio and pjdinho, and they may have "cameos from the other members of the team, weighing in with their observations as well." We are honored they wanted to be a part of this with us. Follow along in the comments, and enjoy all the Italiany-Urkainey goodness.

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And, of course, we want to say thank you to the good people at Deadspin. We're big fans and it was an honor and a privilege to hang out in your neck of the nape this afternoon to talk footy. Please do stop by F.C. Camena if you have moment and say hi. After all, it is the Greatest Football Club In The Entire World, Ever.

Forza Camena!

FULL TIME Italy 3-0 over Ukraine: We've conferred on two (2) coasts, and we agree that the player of the game is Signor Zambrotta — that was the kind of performance that lets the rest of the Italian team shine. Well done. And we will all begrudgingly tip our caps to the Italian side — whom we swore we would root against for the remainder of the tournament/ the rest of our lives after the game in K-Town — for playing impressively and handling themselves well. Maybe they have a little more karma than we all realized.

90'+ Luca Toni has made sure Ukraine sleeps with the fishes.

90': Ukraine can't be too disappointed about how the World Cup went. Sheva got to play on the big stage, officially checking himself out of the Ryan Giggs club, and they lost to a team that was clearly their superior (though we'll admit they did have their chances). Plenty to be proud of. I'm sure they'll be toasting their moral victory in Kiev!

89': One last bit of magic from Sheva in this World Cup... and it's called a dive. Good to see the ref is still taking this game seriously.

88': Did ESPN just show us the Telemundo feed of that friendly?

87': I'm pretty sure the last time the President of Ukraine attended a sporting event he suffered an assassination attempt. Let's hope he gets out of the AOL OK with nothing more than a few scrapes and bruises.

86': A header by Ukraine. BLAH.

84': Worst Ukraine meltdown since Chernobyl?

82': As a fan of whoever's playing Italy, I'll be supporting Germany in the semifinal matchup Tuesday. California Klinsy!!!!

79':Let's hope Sheva is involved with this set piece . . . and a solid blast punched away by Buffon. It hasn't hurt that Buffon is having an outstanding game

78': In case I forget to say it, this Italian team has been total class. The operatic gesticulations have been minimized, and they've actually played a free-flowing game.

75': Time for more fun facts. Did you know that the Bill James of football is Ukrainian? Professor Anatoly Zelentsov developed a complicated statistical system for both tactics and evaluation of footballers. This is the sort of thing I need to know a LOT more about.

75': Ukraine deserve at least a consolation goal.

71': And that was definitely the most Camena-like goal scored in the World Cup thus far.

70': Heckuva run from Zambrotta. That was well earned. I guess there's plenty of time for ill-advised tackles and spiteful cards from Ukraine.

69' Goal Italy 3-0.Zambrotta was covered by two defenders but Shovkovskiy still comes out unnecessarily and leaving his goal wide open for Toni to slot home.

69' And while the chances dwindle for Ukraine, the bottom line reminds me how much the Phils suck this year.

68': So lockdown mode means that Totti is going to have to keep running. Well well well. Mea culpa.

67': Oooh! Oooh! They're doing the White Stripes thing!

65' "Two knees collide." Samauri Camoranesi goes down _very_ easily at the top of the Ukraine box. No stretcher needed... as soon as play stops he's fine.

64' The Ukraine manager looks like he should be coaching the Red Army gymnastics team. Is that a tag hanging out the back of his tracksuit?

61': So we'll say that lockdown mode officially begins when they take Totti off the field?

60' Gusin with another header... off the crossbar! Maybe Ukraine are not finished yet!

60': Uh oh. The Italians grab another, off the dread short corner (note: short corner is typically only "dread" for the team taking it. But the Italians make it work, helped by a bit of confusion in the back for Ukraine. And by "confusion" I mean "they forgot to get goal-side of the 6'4" dude."

59' Sorry Ukraine. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL Italy. 2-0. Perhaps that great chance was still on their minds as they let the guard down for a quick, skillful header from Luca Toni.

58': Okay, Buffon is officially standing on his head. Ukraine probably should have finished one of those, but, well, if Buffon is going use his ninja skillz like that, there's not much to be done.

58' It's hotting up. Sheva is sent through on the right and unloads a shot which Buffon saves, bounces off Cannavaro's face, another shot from Ukraine, saved off the line from Zambrotta, and then finally cleared. That should give Ukraine a jump. Just a lucky bounce away from equalizing.

56' Tricky lob from Totti on a free kick just outside the Ukraine goal. Comes to nothing, but still draws praise from JP and C4L (Captain for Life Harkes)

55' Sheva & Ukraine are to Italy as LeBron & the Cavs are to the Pistons?

54': Just when you think that Ukraine and Sheva have a head of steam, Gattuso busts them up and send Italy the other way. Tighty-whiteys or not, Gattuso is exactly the sort of player who tends to be on successful teams.

53' Far better effort from Ukraine this half. Just need sharper timing on the runs in the box.

50' And unlike hockey, these nets do NOT come off their moorings. Ouch.

50' Off the corner kick, ball eventually finds its way to the back post where Gusin heads towards goal - and Buffon makes an amazing fingertip save and knocks his head into the post. That looks painful.

49' Ukraine run down the right wing, cross and a dangerous deflection for a corner kick

47' Right in the jacobs for Cannavaro. For once he has every reason to be down for a break. Very humble indeed, Harksey

According to the CIA Factbook: the sex trafficking of Ukrainian women is a serious problem that has only recently been addressed. So they've got that going for them, which is nice.

HALFTIME: pjdinho says: Ukraine are in big trouble. Expect a lot of falling down, time wasting and 10-men-behind-the-ball from Italy in the second half. Nothing plays into Italy's hands like an early goal. But... if anyone knows how to score against the Italians it's Sheva.

HALFTIME: Eusebio says: I guess we could say the game has gone to form, in that the heavy favorites are winning. The large swaths of ground in the Ukraine half do not bode well for keeping the Italians to one goal, but Italy have politely agreed to ease back on final passes and shots. The Italians have yet to go to lockdown mode, which is at least keeping it lively. (But we have to assume lockdown mode looms.)

45'+: Yes yes! The magic spray! Spray that ankle! Spray! The spray is good! The spray cures all! How come we've never seen this magical product on an American field? Is there some sort of FDA holdup? How is it that the MySpace generation hasn't made a party drug out of it? These are the things we need to know.

45' Ukraine not getting a ton of pressure down the middle. Looking for long balls to the wing but not getting on the end of them.

42':The singing in the stadium sounds great. I was extremely jealous of the Italian fans' songs during the USA-ITA game, especially when they did the White Stripes thing (the first couple bars from "Seven Nation Army"). We really should have thought of that first. On the flip side, we did do an excellent job deploying "America, $%&#; Yeah!" from Team America.

41' Little stumble from Buffon after a seemingly weak strike from Sheva. More where that came from.

40': Lovely through-ball from Totti...and then...errr...nothing. Wasteful. Still, those acres of space on the Ukraine side of the field do not bode well. This is exactly what Italy wants.

39' Officials doing a good job in this half. Not letting any crap dictate the flow.

36' Ukraine kits have a Wolverine from the 80s look. Or perhaps even LaSalle College High School. Dig it.

36': Did it really take until the 36th minute to mention the match fixing scandal? JP and Harkesey are not nearly as annoying (or erroneous) as Celo and O'Brien.

33': Tymoschuk with a shot from distance. "First real chance for Ukraine." But it was no more than a half-chance, as they say.

32': Someone needs to tells the Ukraine that they should play someone at the "defensive midfield" position.

32' Another nifty diagonal ball from Totti. Perotta receives, gets tackled and falls down. He's hurt. (Remember, he's Italian)

29' Extremely nifty flick from Totti. Generally speaking, it was a bummer he wasn't in form for this World Cup, if only because he's probably the most gifted Italian playmaker since the pony-tailed one.

28': Gattuso's back. For the avoidance of doubt, that was Gattuso in his underwear that was all over the billboards in Germany?

21'Ukraine 0 cards until tonight, and now 2 in the half. The Italian style of play rubbing off perhaps?

20' - A tactical substitution for the Ukraine. Striker Vorobey comes on for defender Sviderskiy, who just picked up a yellow. This seems a bit of a hasty change to announcers JP and Captain For Life John Harkes. But really, what has Ukraine done so far?

17' Free kick to Italy, 35-yard low line-drive shot by Totti is easily saved by Shovkovskiy

16': And we have our first card. I feel a lot better now.

14' - Nice ponytail Camoranesi

14'Gattuso is first in anguish. "My achin' back!"

13': First mention of legendary club Dynamo Kiev, which was essentially the Ukraine national team when the Soviets were running things. Fun fact: when the iron curtain fell, Dynamo Kiev secured a license to export nuclear weapons parts! Seriously. I read it in a book (Soccer Against the Enemy by Simon Kuper).

11': Someone tell Kalinichenko he stole Pavel Nedved's hair.

9':: Nifty cut through the center of the field by Perrotta, though he doesn't get the shot through. Errr, Ukraine really need to be closing down space in the center of the field.

6': Whoa. That was a TON of space 35 yards from the goal, well taken by Zambrotta. We'd like to believe that this won't rattle the Ukraine. Really, we would. But, errr, this isn't a good sign. Still, there's plenty of time to settle the match down. Let's see that fighting spirit, Sheva!

4' Camoranesi and his free-flowing locks with a run from midfield and a shot just wide. Goal kick.

2' First dive for the Italians, throw in for Italy

PREGAME: Pregame speeches about why discrimination is "bad" in "society." Charming. Though I would have preferred Mr. Cannavaro to share his thoughts on drunken Italian fans spitting their blood at otherwise charming Americans who happened to be sitting in the Italian section during Group Play. Not that we would know anything about that. Not at all. A time to make friends(tm)!

PREGAME: Ukraine's glory has not perished!

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Quarterfinal matchup from the AOL Arena ("You've Got Football!") in Hamburg. Italy (winners in Group E) vs. Ukraine (runners-up in Group H).

The most recent encounter between the two nations was a 0-0 June 2 draw in a friendly match in Switzerland as part of the build-up to Germany 2006. We'd like to promise this match will end up with something other than a scoreless draw and penalty kicks. But when Italian teams and Sheva are involved in big matches (2003 Champions Leagues final we're looking in your direction), it isn't always a free-flowing affair.

So far, Italy lead the tournament in disgraceful play. Italy manager Marcelo Lippi claim they will "aim to entertain." Note to Signor Lippi: Diving and faking injuries are NOT entertaining. Also, Signor Lippi has been going increasingly bonkers in his press conferences of late, but you really can't blame him when higher-ups in Italian soccer are mysteriously plummeting from windows in the midst of the tournament. Italy reached the quarters by beating Australia 1-0 on dubious penalty call in 94th minute. Today, three defenders are out of the lineup: Alessandro Nesta injured, Marco Materazzi and Daniele DeRossi meaning a start for Palermo's Andrea Barzagli. In fact, Italy seems to be fielding a defensive lineup of five midfielders and Luca Toni as a lone forward.

Ukraine are this tournament's surprise entry in the QFs - and not just because they have not received a card in any of their four matches (and good luck keeping up that streak this evening). They are led by captain and new Chelsea striker Andriy Shevchenko who has owned Italian defenders for the last 7 years while playing at AC Milan. Critics paint Ukraine as a one-man team, taking an overly defensive posture in their round-of-16 overtime session with Switzerland. Sheva dismisses such talk, and says they'll be taking the underdog approach: "We must try and play as a team, summing up all our reserves of fighting spirit to make up for our lack of technical ability." Hmmm, that sounds suspiciously like the F.C. Camena motto ("Camena: A tactical system of football/ soccer characterized by extreme fighting spirit, impassioned defense, opportunistic attacking, and a proclivity for petty revenge"); perhaps Sheva would like us to arrange a swap!

Continuing with the Round of 16, it's Switzerland vs. , a team that's in its first World Cup and one we've decided to make the scrappy underdogs that we're rooting for, at least in this game.

Your live-blogger today is John Bolster, who has been around these parts before and is, as mentioned repeatedly, the sports editor of Penthouse. He's been great every time, and he'll be great now. Follow along in the comments, enjoy the game and, you know, mock a Swiss or something.

That's it for me. Thanks a lot to all, and enjoy the rest of the games!

I'm sure they're loving it in Kiev, but that was quite possibly the worst game of the tournament. And Switzerland, as we said, gets bounced without giving up a single goal.

Gusev steps up with a chance to book a place in the next round for Ukraine: HE PUTS IT AWAY!!
UKRAINE ADVANCES TO THE QUARTERFINALS ... on penalties.

CABANAS is stopped by SHOVKOVSKIY! 2-0 Ukraine! They win if their next klick is good... and...

Now Rebrov for Ukraine...he buries it! 2-0 Ukraine.

Barnetta for Switzerland now...HE HITS THE BAR! 1-0 Ukraine.

Milevskiy up now for Ukraine... He chips it coolly—and cheekily—into the right side of the goal.

Streller up now for Switzerland. SAVED BY SHOVKOVSKIY. 0-0 after one round of penalties!

First up is Shevchenko for Ukraine. Best foot forward. Lalas says ten francs he misses....And sure enough HE MISSES! Great save by Zuberbuhler, diving to his right. Tomorrow Zuberbuhler gets a day off.

30:00 That's it! We're going to penalties. Oy. Lalas points out that Switzerland could get knocked out of the tournament without losing or giving up a goal. A penalty shootout goes down as 0-0 draw.

29:00 We don't want penalties. It's been avoided the entire tournament so far. Much rather not see it. Lalas says: Penalties are more arbitrary than Swiss porn.

27:00 Substitution for Switzerland: Lustrunelli in for Frei. Frie is fried.

25:00 Streller makes a nice run into the box. Wow, he's got long stork legs. Great tackle/block by Gusin. Then, of course, everyone stays down to get a rest. JP Dellacamara wants a little liquid refreshment.

23:00 Both teams are exhausted. The ref is exhausted. The fans are exhausted. We're exhausted. There's exhaustion all around.

20:00 Absolutely nothing is happening. Substitution for Ukraine: Milevskiy in for Voronin. Are the Ukrainians playing for penalties? Oof.

18:00 Corner kick for Switzerland. But...nothing. Again. Nothing.

17:00 From Lalas's Swiss friend Stefan: "Cheere more please." Lalas promises to cheere.

15:00 Ref whistles the first 15 minutes of OT dead. The crowd whistles too. They're showing highlights now. They have to go way, way back to the first half and the crossbars hit by Shevchenko and Frei for the game's two highlights.

13:00 Has a blog ever been abandoned in mid-.. um, blog? Ukraine just played the ball backward and then knocked it around among their backline. Like they were up 2-0 or something. I guess they'll take the coin-flip of a penalty shootout over settling this with soccer. Like men.

10:00 Switzerland's Streller sends one in to the box. It's headed out and falls for Vogel who hammers a volley right at Shovkovskiy. Save.

9:00 Shevchenko with a surging run up the middle, but he's one v four. He gets taken down...no call.

8:00 Swiss free kick hits the wall, ball gets played out to the wing, chipped to the far post, headed back in to Cabanas, right in front of goal, but he seems to hear footsteps from the keeper and backs off. Threat ended.

6:00 Nice ball into the box by Switzerland's Barnetta...it bounces off a Ukrainian defender and the Swiss call for a handball. The referees ignore their calls.

3:00 Rebrov comes in for Vorobey for Ukraine. Leading scorer for Dynamo Kiev. So where's he been all game? While we're on the topic, here are the subs in this game: Rotan of Ukraine for Kilinichenko in the 75th. Strother of Switzerland for Yakin in the 64th. Grichting of Switzerland for Djourou in the 34th.

Extra Time 1:00: Degen attacks down the right wing, ball goes out for a goal kick. In other words, more of the same.

Okay, take a deep breath, the extra session is under way.

Man, where is the Golden Goal rule when you need it?

That's it for regulation as the ref blows the whistle. Normally that would be a welcome sound after a dud like this. But now it only means we've 30 more minutes of these two drab teams. Can't we just eliminate them both?

91:00 Switzerland swings two crosses across the front of Ukraine's goal. Barnetta hits the first one, which whistles through untouched. Frei (I think) hits the second. It's punched out by Shovkovskiy.

89:00 Another Ukraine attack goes for naught. They do win a corner, though. And waste it. "This is like a game of Stratego played by seven-year-olds," says Lalas.

87:00 We realized ten minutes ago that we are staring overtime—30 more minutes of this thin gruel—right in the face. All exclamation points from the 70th minute onward, by the way, have been ironic.

85:00 Ukraine's Voronin is mugged in the box by Magnin and Grichting! Amazingly, the ref lets it go. Swiss player stretchered off. The stretcher-bearers have the Swiss logo on their bibs: short white cross thing. Is that a conflict of interest?

82:00 Switzerland wins a corner! Their crowd wakes up at the urging of Magnin. Literally, he waves his arms and tells them to look alive. They start waving their flags, cheering. The corner is punched away. Oh well.

79:00 Cabanas passes up a chance to shoot for Switzerland, lays it off and Switzerland loses possession. Then Barnetta, already carrying a yellow, comes in studs-up on Vaschuk. Ref opts not to bring out a second yellow. At this point, we'll take anything to spark this one up. Even the 3,210th card of the tournament.

74:00 Kalinichenko corner kick skimmed just wide by Gusin! We thought that was in. We wished that was in. We just had a 30 second conversation to figure out that there was a "Gusin" and a "Gusev" on the Ukraine team, and not two "Gusins." Or two "Gusevs." Yeah, we're pretty bored. The crowd is too, they're doing the whistling thing that everyone else in the world does instead of the booing.

72:00 The K-Zoo Keeper has just phoned in to tell us that she's so bored with this game she's now reading George Carlin's bit about "stuff" online. ... Okay, Magnin fires over from distance for Switzerland.

71:00 This game is about exciting as a cold bowl of borscht soup. ... Or a Swiss argument: "Hey, I'm pretty neutral on the subject."

67:00 Shevchenko pierces the boredom with a cracking left-footed shot from the top of the box, right side! Just misses the post.

65:00 We are breaking out the toothpicks to keep our eyes open here. Wow.

62:00 Terrible studs-up, over-the-ball challenge from Switzerland's Cabanas on Nesmachniy. What do the Swiss have against Nesmachniy?

61:00 Almost everyone on the Ukraine is named either Andriy or Oleg, says Warren. That's
gotta get confusing.

59:00 Nesmachniy taken down outside the box on the left. Ladies and gentlemen, we have our first yellow card of the evening! To Barnetta of Switzerland. Shevchenko drives the free kick into the wall, then calls for a handball. No such luck.

56:00 Frei just—oof!—misses getting on the end of a ball over the top of the defense. It goes out of bounds. Yes, we're resorting to sound effects to liven this one up a bit.

53:00 Something has to happen here, says Lalas, or I'm going to go back to downloading porn. Yes, we are in the middle of the tournament's biggest snoozer right now. Shot of Franz Beckenbauer and Sepp Blatter in the stands. Possibly more bored than we are.

49:00 Calhoun checks in from the street: "From the sounds of this game, I am almost glad that I'm at work. Just walked by the local pizzeria to see if they had it on but they told me the only watch Italy's games. I told him I haven't seen so many Italians fraudulently hit the deck since Sergio Leone's old spaghetti westerns. I quickly got out of there as he reached for his pizza cutter. "

47:00 Voronin of Ukraine flashes a header just wide of the far post.

Okay game on:

Before we get to the second half, here are our Awards for the Group Stages:

Team We Really Would Have Liked to See Go Through: Ivory Coast.

Cakewalk Award: Tie between Germany and England. Germans, playing at home, get Ecuador and Costa Rica in the first round. England, stacked with talent, gets Trinidad & Tobago (and barely beats them), and just generally looks terrible while reaching the quarterfinals.

Player We Already Miss: Sadly, nobody. This tournament needs a p

So, it's Ukraine vs. Tunisia. It might not necessarily be the most marquee matchup, but that doesn't mean it's not important. Because it is. It's important. And so are you. Don't ever let anyone make you think otherwise.

Your live-blogger is Craig Barker, who has been around these here live-blogging parts before. He was pretty good then and he'll be pretty good now; follow along in the comments, and enjoy a peppy Friday morning.

End Game:
And that's the final whistle. Ukraine 1, Tunisia 0. The Ukraine advances to the round of 16, the second debutante in this World Cup to make it out of group play, along with the Black Stars of Ghana.

And that's all she wrote. I want to thank all of you who hung out with me as I did these Liveblogs and left your comments. It was a great deal of fun and I want to sincerely thank Will for the oppurtunity. He have me a chance, and I just hope I didn't screw things up too much. Have a great day and enjoy the rest of the tournament. —CDB

Stoppage Time: And now a sub for Tunisia, Nafti out and Ghodhbane in. Three extra minutes. One of my friends is a referee and he likes to say that if no one notices him, he's done his job well. The only guy I have noticed today...oh, so close on a header for Tunisia. That was Planes, Trains and Automobiles close. Now, with just one minute of stoppage time left, everyone decides to pick up the pace. Hmm, Tunisia's attack blunted, and now the Ukrainians with numbers and speed on the counter and a wonderful shot, but well defended by Tunisia. And a corner for Ukraine, played out harmlessly.

90th minute: Sure, another booking...this one to Jaidi. Free kick for Ukraine away from the penalty area, and they try to play a give and go...and nothing.

89th minute: Oh NOW Ukraine decides to try something. Again, second verse same as the first. Oh, wow, the sub has clearly come in with some energy, and a nice save by Boumnijel.

88th minute: Last sub for Ukraine as they get Shevchenko out of the game and Milevskiy comes in. This is a move clearly for protection of your bread and butter.

87th minute: Yeah, you know, I don't know the 40-year old goalkeeper will be back in 2010 Shep. Call it a hunch.

86th minute: A nice shot by Trabelsi that is wide. Hey, it's a shot, it's something.

85th minute: How bad is this? Glenn and Shep are talking about what's coming up on Cold Pizza, beyond just the promo spot. It's that bad.

84th minute: Wow, the Ukrainians almost had something there, like getting six digits of a phone number at a bar.

83rd minute: Again, Sepp Blatter looks, well not pissed, but bored out of his mind. And he's the head of FIFA for crying out loud.

82nd minute: In Fever Pitch, Nick Hornby wrote that one of the criteria for a game being truly memorable is some sort of distasteful incident. While I will do my best to forget this game when it's over, the dubious Tunisian red card, the no call handball and the PK would be a set of distasteful incidents and I would feel horrible if Tunisia is knocked out of the World Cup on that front.

81st minute: The Ukrainians looked like the had something, but the Tunisians quickly closed. The Ukrainians quickly reset, the Tunisians are, again right there.

80th minute: Trabelsi with a header that is easily handled.

79th minute: Shevchenko dribbles in deep, but is met with stern Tunisian defense. And now we have a pair of subs for Tunisia: Bouazizi out, and Ben Sadda in, and Chedli out and the naturalized Brazilian Santos in.

78th minute: The free kick was a good idea whose time hadn't come, like the Tucker.

77th minute: Hmm, Glenn and Shep have jumped back on the Ukrainian bandwagon. It's an odd switch, but you know. Free kick for Ukraine.

76th minute: You know, I love that all soccer announcing uses the phrase "the unfortunate incident" to describe a red card. It's right up there with "the recent unpleasantness."

75th minute: OK, we've got another Ukrainian substitution: Kalinichenko Out and Gusin in.

74th minute: Credit to Tunisia, despite all of the breaks going against them, they look like they are going to go down fighting. Maybe the Tunisians needs to march in straight lines to hide their numbers.

73rd minute: The Berlin crowd is still unhappy with this match, and you can't blame them. Maybe we could airlift them a quality sporting event, like an MLL game or the Booz Allen second round.

72nd minute: OK, here's the thing. I'm not saying diving is right, but if your team is tied 0-0 and needs a spark and you have a feel for the ref, you embellish a little, take the dive in the box and see what happens. The fact that the ref calls it works for you, even if you don't deserve it. As Herm Edwards likes to remind us "You play...to win...the game."

71st minute: Hmm, Glenn and Shep have clearly turned on the Ukrainians. They basically said it was an undeserved PK, on top of the uncalled hand ball for Tunisia.

70th minute: And yep, they have called a penalty kick. Shevchenko was fouled on that last play, and here's the 12th PK of the tournament and as you might expect Shevchenko goes right, the goalie goes left, he finishes and Ukraine takes a 1-0 lead.

69th minute: Shep's still harping on the no call handball, and while I agree, it's a blown call, it's also over. Oh, and bad defense by the Tunisians leads to a chance for Shevchenko.

68th minute: It has been pointed out that no team a man down has scored during the 2006 World Cup. Our friends from Paraguay were the last to do so, scoring a pair in the 2002 WC.

67th minute: You know, I'm trying not to play favorites, but at least Tunisia looks like they care.

66th minute: And the Tunisian corner kick leads to...another Tunisian corner. And the second corner leads to a masssive collision in the box, and a goal kick.

65th minute: OK, something sort of exciting here. A booking of Rusol leads to a dangerous free kick just outside the penalty area for Tunisia. And the kick, goes into the wall and deflects out. And the replay shows that, yeah, that was a hand ball in the box. For sure. But it's a corner kick for Tunisia.

64th minute: Still nothing yet.

63rd minute: I haven't heard this much whistling from Germans outside of a Scorpions song. There's a shot into the penalty area for Ukraine, but nope.

62nd minute: If I didn't have a little bit of integrity, I would just start making up a much more exciting game for you guys. You deserve better.

61st minute: Wow, I think Shep is channeling Donald Ramp, the chess coach played by Jim Belushi in a 1980s SNL sketch. "Oh sure, just give him the yellow card!" In this case it went to Tymoschuk, who apparently has side effects.

60th minute: The late John Spencer was born to an Irish father and Ukrainian mother in New Jersey. Best known for playing attorney Tommy Mullaney on L.A. Law and Chief of Staff Leo McGarry on The West Wing, Spencer's character had one of his finest moments in show history with the story about the guy in the hole (scroll down a little).

59th minute: This space for rent.

58th minute: I knew I should have done more research...Seriously, I wish I could describe the vast nothingness that is happening here. I love this game, and this is very painful.

57th minute: Oooh, bad no call by the ref. Tunisia got a little hosed there. A clear foul that was not called.

56th minute: You know, Glenn's right, HD is beautiful. This game, not so much.

55th minute: As you may have noticed, I haven't been able to drop many "Famous Tunisians" into the blog, but it's not for lack of effort. But, what Tunisia lacks in quantity, they make up for in quality: Hannibal. The "father of military strategy", Hannibal is best known today for being the nicknamesake of a leader of a team of soldiers of fortune that can be found in the Los Angeles underground as well as having a parade held in his honor in Terror Lake.

Or, if you want to be serious about it: Hannibal's legacy extends to the field of military history, as he is universally ranked as one of the greatest military strategists and tacticians of the Western world, alongside Epaminondas, Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Robert E. Lee, Scipio, Gustavus Adolphus, Erwin Rommel, Turenne, The Duke of Marlborough, and Frederick the Great. You beat up the Romans for a couple of years, you make the history books. You use elephants to cross the Alps, everyone remembers you (even if only one elephant survived the journey.)

OK, Ukraine is going to their bench, it's Rebrov, REBROV, out and Vorobey in.

54th minute: Every time they say Tymoschuk, I swear I hear Temocil. I miss Arrested Development.

53rd minute: Tymoschuk...OK, wait, Shep just suggested that Boumnijel may have had a few too many cheeseburgers. Isn't that against the rules of Halal? I mean, I know it's not kosher.

52nd minute: Boumnijel handles a sort of nothing shot with ease.

51st minute: Shot just rolls into Shovkovskiy, nothing big. Tunisia will try and reset. The operative word being try, as they fail and now the Ukrainians look to set up.

50th minute: Fun fact on Tunisia: Tunisia was the site of the first European Tour event outside of Europe, the Tunisian Open.

Shep and Glenn mention that the crowd is disaffected. I can't blame them. I want to start performing percussive maintainence on my television: "Stupid TV, be more funny!"

49th minute: Now a free kick for Tunisia in the Ukrainian zone, and it's headed out harmlessly for a goal kick...no, wait, my bad, it's a Tunisian foul.

48th minute: Fun fact on the joke everyone has made during the last three weeks: In the game of Risk, Tunisia is lumped into "North Africa"

I give credit to the robot that writes the Yahoo! Matchcast summary, he's way better at making nothing sounds like it's something.

47th minute: Ooop, and now Shelayev will earn a booking for the Ukraine. A card to match his jersey.

46th minute: Oh, a half that's very important to the Ukraine? Really. In a World Cup? No!

Ukraine kicks off and let's see if they can do something here, but I'm not hopeful. Hey, congrats to Oregon State for advancing to the CWS finals. That's what you get for stealing Homer Simpson's pants.

Halftime: You know, during World Cup 2002, ESPN's promos used Course of Nature's "Caught in the Sun" to promote the USMNT games. And it wasn't a bad song. I love U2, but it's just seemed very forced. At least when they NFL used the lads to promote the playoffs three seasons ago, they chose the semi-obscure "Until the End of the World".

Hmm, did you know you can vote for the T-Mobile Man of the Match starting in the 75th minute? Why didn't they start doing this sooner.

Better know a World Cup host venue: Berlin's Olympiastadion: Designed by Werner March, the Stadium played host to the 1936 Summer Olympics, best known for American track and field athlete Jesse Owens winning four gold medals in a single games, helping thumb a nose at Hitler's eugenic theories of Nazi superiority. Surviving World War II with little damage beyond machine gun strikes, the complex served as the home of the British military occupation force in Berlin until 1994. Renovated for this World Cup, it is now the second largest football facility in Germany behind Signal Iduna Park in Dortmund.
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Stoppage Time: Oh, thankfully, just one minute of stoppage time. Long shot punched up and over Boumnijel's head. And now, oh WOW, we have a red card! Oh and it's Jaziri being sent off his second yellow of the match. Sure, let's just take away some offensive punch from this SCORELESS match. Tunisia will play the entire second half a man down.

45th minute: Corner kick for Ukraine, but it goes way outside and nothing doing.

44th minute: FIFA head Sepp Blatter has been studying at the school of David Stern facial displeasure. Hmm, I wonder who the football world's Mark Cuban is. Actually, wait, no I don't, I know that one.

43rd minute: Fun fact on Tunisia: Our resident Middle East expert informs us that it has had a total of 2 presidents since 1957. Habib Bourguiba (1957-1987) and current president Zine El Abidin Ben Ali (1987- ). I have nothing to add to this, other than it reminds my L.A. bureau of the old Dennis Miller line about the ever-increasing size of 7-11 beverages: "I'm feeling a little bit parched, Habib, do you have anything in a depth-charge sized drink?"

Oh and Bouazizi gets booked for Tunisia.

42nd minute: Sartre maintained that "Hell is other people." I'm pretty sure this is close to that. Like a charming community garden in suburban Hell.

41st minute: ...

40th minute: Oh and for Title IX purposes, more famous Ukrainians, or at least people of Ukrainian descent:
* American figure skater Sasha Cohen
* Actress Milla Jovovich.
* Indie rock's Neko Case (as a recommendation, Fox Confessor Brings the Flood is quite the album.)
* Actress Mila Kunis (shut up Meg.)

Free kick forward for the Ukrainians and Jaidi comes back on.

39th minute: Now a counter by the Tunisians, let's see what they can do...nothing. OK, at least you're consistent.

38th minute: ZZZZZ...oh, sorry, uh, yeah, now a back spasm for Tunisian defender Jaidi marks the most interesting thing to happen.

37th minute: More famous Ukrainians, or at least people of Ukrainian descent:
* Igor Sikorsky, who invented the helicopter, which is always a good fact to remember.
* Sergey Korolev, who developed Sputnik.
* Carl Sagan, America's foremost pop astronomer.
* Flip Saunders, the most successful regular season coach in Detroit Pistons' history.
* Mike Royko, the legendary Chicago newspaperman.
* George and Ira Gershwin, the famous 20th century musical duo.
* Herb Alpert, of Tijuana Brass fame.
* Randy Bachman, the musical genius behind both the Guess Who and Bachman-Turner Overdrive.
You know, I didn't think I'd be able to work in another BTO reference, but as usual, I'm just takin' care of business.

Goal kick for Ukraine, who are now being told to just get to the locker room with the tie, and really, I can't blame them.

36th minute: Oh look, Spain's scored. That's the most exciting thing that's happened in THIS game. More back and forth in the midfield, and like a photographic dark room with poorly covered windows, nothing's developing.

35th minute: Glenn, seriously, you can concede the first goal to Tunisia, we have proof. Free kick for Ukraine, but it's long and over the top. Goal kick for Tunisia.

34th minute: Chedli gets a counter attack off the left foot and the shot goes wide. You get the feeling if it keeps up like this, it's going to be a night in Tunisia, a long night in Tunisia.

33rd minute: Long ball into the Ukrainian 18, and Shovkovskiy flies to the ball and snags it. Man's got some mad ups in there.

32nd minute: I knew it...32 flavors. Oooh and now Shevchenko with a chance that leads to a corner for Ukraine, which they proceed to waste. Bruce Arena is so proud of them for that.

31st minute: Shovkovskiy easily handles the service and then runs up and throws the ball out to his players. He sort of looks like Steve Nash, so it's a little weird to see him look like he's running the point there. And an offside for Tunisia.

30th minute: Fun fact on Tunisia: Our resident Middle East expert reminds me that Tunis was home of the Arab League between 1979 to 1989 (while Egypt was on time out for working with Israel).

You know, the blue track at the stadium is a lovely color and WOW, we have a corner for Tunisia. Something tangible I can describe!

29th minute: Tunisia is resetting. Can we put a cheat code on this game or something? Ukraine's attack is ill concieved and easily handled.

28th minute: Both teams seem to have picked up on the quick whistle and are now just looking for the calls. I think it's really bad, Mnari of Tunisia just got called for a foul on Dwyane Wade.

27th minute: Oh, in case you're wondering, still tied Spain/Saudis at zeroes. Just back and forth in the midfield.

26th minute: Hmm, possession has been split evenly at 50-50. Fouls are almost even. And the score is still 0-0.

25th minute: Hockey geek interlude: Due to his Ukrainian heritage, legendary NHL netminder Terry Sawchuk was known as "Uke". Similarly, tragic Maple Leaf player Bill Barilko is thought to also be of Ukrainian-Canadian descent. So, get your Fifty Mission Caps on.

Glenn says that you want to get that Tunisia is definitely a team you want to get the first goal against. Because the 0-1-1 record in this World Cup when getting the first goal means, what exactly?

24th minute: OK, I'll give credit to Ukraine, they have picked it back up again and are amping the pressure back up on Tunisia.

23rd minute: Now alien paratroopers have stormed the stadium and are demanding to meet with our leader, Regis. OK, not really, I just wanted to see if you were still with me. In reality, a decent cross into Shevchenko is easily handled.

22nd minute: Tunisia's counterattacking as I damn the mute graphic on my television covering the seconds on the scorebox (this is why I haven't been more specific. Sorry gang.)

21st minute: OK, here's a free kick for Tunisia, and it's headed out of the box and now here's a counter for the Ukraine and a shot right there, nice effort, and that seems to have brought Ukraine back to life.

20th minute: Wait, NOW the game has dropped a couple of notches? We already had nothing and now we're below that. What's less than square one? Negative bupkis?

19th minute: The shot goes over the wall and is right on. And now the Ukrainian counter attack by Gusev is met by a hard foul, leading to a Ukrainian free kick, and that is easily handled by the 40-year old keeper, Boumnijel.

18th minute: Ooh, a yellow card to Sviderskiy of Ukraine and a free kick Tunisia.

17th minute: This is my third game, I should know how to describe interludes of Seinfeldian nothingness yet, but I guess its the Risk you take.

16th minute: Now we see Ukraine with another free kick deep in the Tunisian zone, but it's headed out by Tunisia for a Ukraine throw-in.

15th minute: History geek interlude: As my Middle East expert reminds me, the Ukraine and Tunisia were both sites of major resistance to Nazi advances during World War II. Tunisia is the site of Kaserine Pass, one of the worst military defeats in American history. It's also the one that General Omar Bradley was surveying the aftermath of during the first scenes of Patton (not the one with the speech, the scene after that.) "Rommel, you magnificent bus stop, I read your book!"

The Ukraine is the site of Kiev, which was designated a "Hero City" of the Soviet Union in 1961 for its efforts in turning back the advances of the Wermarcht. "According to the statute, the hero city is issued the Order of Lenin, the Gold Star medal, and the certificate of the heroic deed (gramota) from the Presidium of the Supreme Soviet of the USSR. Also, the corresponding obelisk is installed in the city."

OK, now Ukraine is in deep, but Tunisia is defending well.

14th minute: A foul gives Tunisia a free kick just over the midfield stripe. Nothing.

13th minute: Offside for the Ukraine, which is nice, just because it's different. Long ball by Tunisia, saved well near the corner by Trabelsi, but nothing doing.

12th minute: In the immortal words of Homer Simpson, "I've seen plays, honest to God PLAYS, that were more exciting than this."

11th minute: You know, in the first 11 minutes, Shep and Glenn have asked questions that have resulted in them not taking anything away from Spain, Saudi Arabia, Ghana, and Germany. Wow, they've already run through 1/8 of the field.

10th minute: Shep thinks that Ukraine needs to dictate a faster pace in this game. I think they need to dictate ANY pace in this game.

9th minute: ...Back and forth

8th minute: In my research, I discovered that legendary comic book artist Steve Ditko is of Ukrainian descent, which is cool, because it means I can work a reference to The Question into this somewhere.

There's really no flow in this game yet, and all ready the German crowd is whistling at the teams on the pitch. It's a warm afternoon in Berlin and now here's a wide run by Jaziri for Tunisia and he goes now and now he'll be booked for taking a dive.

7th minute: A nice long ball by Tunisia, but Ukraine is more than up to the task.

6th minute: This is the first ever meeting between these two sides, which, you'd expect, since Ukraine has only been footballing internationally since 1992. Still just a lot of midfield play.

5th minute: A lot of action in the middle, and now Tunisia plays a long ball in, but the Ukrainians make short work of it.

4th minute: A free kick for Ukraine, let's see what they can do with it. And the answer would be a Donovan-like nothing. Wasted set piece.

3rd minute: A little danger for Tunisia, but now they've pulled it back together and eventually get it clear.

2nd minute: Ukrainian attack does nothing and the Tunisians send it in deep and harmless. Definitely in the feeling out stages, as you might expect. The teams both look a little nervous. Now here'a break for Ukraine, but quick defensive recovery by Tunisia.

1st minute: The Tunisians push deep into the corner, but the Ukrainians get it out. A midfield back and forth sees the Ukrainians get it out and set up.

Pre-Game: Yeah, I knew I couldn't be lucky forever, it's Glenn Davis and Shep Messing on the call. The Ukrainians are in the all yellow, the Tunisians in all red. It's food, folks, and fun.
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Another day, I call and never speak, and you would say, nothing's changed at all.

Hello again ladies and gentlemen, my name's Craig Barker, and I'll be taking you through the next ninety minutes of action from Olympiastadion in Berlin, final match of Group H...Tunisia facing off against Ukraine. Somehow, I've ended up with a game of actual import to liveblog and the stakes are very simple. Tunisia, win or go home. Ukraine, win (or draw) or go home.

Oh, and let's just get this out of the way now:
The opinions and information provided in this entry are for entertainment purposes only and are the sole responsibility of the author. These opinions do not represent the official statements or views of his employer. The author does not condone any illegal behaviors mentioned or hinted at in the entry. Alright, back to the funny.

The Zbirna of the Ukraine are participating in their first World Cup as an independent nation. Zbirna, which, from what NPR tells me, essentially means "Total", are the successors to the backbone of the Soviet Union's footballing prowess, especially Dynamo Kiev, which was the KGB backed club team in the Ukraine's capital. While several Ukrainian-born players chose to player for Russia as the Soviet successor state, the Ukraine has finally emerged into its own as a footballing power. Led by Chelsea striker and 2004 European footballer of the Year Andriy Shevchenko, whom I'm even sick of at this point (oh look, he has a son named for Michael Jordan! Oh look, there he is in a SportsCenter ad! Oh look, he has a hot American wife (SFW, but Google Images can help you out if you're looking for something in an NSFW.)

Meanwhile, Tunisia's Eagles of Carthage are fighting to become the second African side through to the second round. 2004 African Nations Cup hosts (and winners), Tunisia. Coached by Roger Lemerre, you know, the guy who guided France's successful run in the 2002 World Cup, Tunisia has had trouble holding a lead in this tournament, getting the first goal against both the Saudis and the Spanish, but coming away with just one point. We'll see how they do with today's effort.

I've got my research peeps covering my back and we're once more unto the breach, dear friends. If you were with me yesterday morning, you know I sort of do a bit of stream-of-consciousness, free-flowing rundown, so I hope you'll sit back and enjoy and hey, you might learn something.

Referees: It's an all Paraguayan crew headed by Carlos Amarilla. An electrical engineer by trade, you may remember Carlos from his efforts in the U.S./Czech Republic game. (Wait a minute, I swear I've written that before...oh, wow, I did. He was the ref in Monday's Togo/Switzerland tilt. Wow, small world.)

National Anthems: The national anthem of the Ukraine is "Shche ne vmerla Ukraina" (Ukraine's Glory Has Not Perished). With words by Paul Chubynskyi and music by Mikhail Verbytskyi, it served as Ukraine's national anthem from 1917 until 1920, when it was abolished until its post-Soviet restoration. In 1949, like the other non-Russian republics in the Soviet Union, the Ukraine had its own anthem, which it used until the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991.

The Tunisian anthem is "Himat Al Hima", or "Defenders of the Fatherland)". Wow, I take back everything I said about the bombastic nature of other anthems. But, from 1846 until 1958, Tunisia used a piece composed by Giuseppe Verdi, which is pretty cool. OK, it's not, but play along here.

Starting Lineups: Ukraine will be playing a 3-5-2. I would too if I had Shevchenko.
1 (G) Olexandr Shovkovskiy
2 (D) Andriy Nesmachniy
6 (D) Andriy Rusol
22 (D) Viacheslav Sviderskiy
9 (M) Oleg Gusev
19 (M) Maxim Kalinichenko
11 (M) Serhiy Rebrov
8 (M) Oleg Shelayev
4 (M) Anatoliy Tymoschuk
7 (M) Andriy Shevchenko
10 (S) Andriy Voronin

Tunisia will be running a 4-5-1, because that worked out so well for the United States yesterday.
1 (G) Ali Boumnijel
19 (D) Anis Ayari
15 (D) Radhi Jaidi
12 (D) Jaouhar Mnari
6 (D) Hatem Trabelsi
13 (M) Riadh Bouazizi
14 (M) Adel Chedli
3 (M) Karim Haggui
8 (M) Mehdi Nafti
20 (M) Hamed Namouchi
5 (S) Zied Jaziri

The second game of the day is upon us, with Saudi Arabia taking on Ukraine. The Saudis actually could put themselves in excellent position to make the Round of 16 with a win, while the Uks — they call them the Uks, right? — desperately need a victory, or something, anyway.

Live-blogging for you today is Matt McNabb, and he's a virgin live-blogger, so bear with him. He'll do great. Send him your thoughts via us, come play in the comments muck and enjoy, yo.

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93:00 - The dogs were never called off, as Ukraine fires off a shot, just high, right before the final whistle.
It's over, Ukraine gets a big result, 4-0 over Saudi Arabia. KSA players rightfully look deflated. And with Spain waiting in a few days, it won't get easier.
Stay tuned for Spain v. Tunisia coming up in about an hour. Hold on ... *mutes Julie Foudy* OK. Thanks for hanging in there. I'm sure I posted too often, but I don't really care. It was my first time, and it was memorable. But I won't quit my day job. I'm off now in quest of a hot Saudi women, because I KNOW they're out there in these here Internets.
Mahalo.
- Matt McNabb.

92:00 - Al Khatani and Al Jabar each put down in the box with the ball on their foot, each with a no call. Had the score and time been different, so might have the referee's actions? We won't know.

91:00 - We'll have a fabulous three minutes of stoppage time, where anything (except four KSA goals) can happen.

90:00 - Kalinichenko was about a foot or two high of making this match 5-0.

89:00 - If ever there was a candidate to just forget about any accumulated stoppage time, this would be it. Yellow card given to Sviderskyi for a hard tackle.

87:00 - Shevchenko comes out for a curtain call. Eh, I would too if I was him. Another SOG for Ukraine, followed soon after by Milevskiy going down in the box on a nice run. No call.

85:00 - I was planning on using, "You're with me, twine," if KSA netted one. Alas, it won't happen.
Shevchenko comes out, with a goal and an assist, to a rousing reception from the Ukrainian fans in Hamburg tonight. Milevskiy in for him.

83:00 - Not much else to say on this one, it's been more of the same. That is to say, not many highlights for KSA.
And, here's one less. It's 4-0, on a goal from the recently carded Kalinichenko. They made it look quite easy. No more goal differential.

80:00 - It's been a "slow, comfortable kill" in the second half for Ukraine, said Glenn Davis. Yeah, but if your KSA, not so much.

79:00 - Sub for Ukraine, Gusin in for Voronin. Andriy for Andriy. You know, of all the teams that SHOULD have players called by only one name, these two are top candidates.

77:00 - Shep just had more enthusiasm in his voice calling Shevchenko's earlier goal then KSA has shown in a long while.
Yellow card against Kalinichenko for a foul.
Finally for KSA, Sami Al Jaber in for Noor. Too little, too late I think. He scored on his second touch against Tunisia. Had they won that game, KSA might have been the darlings of the WC coming in and not Ghana. A great story about Al Jaber that I can't recount here.

75:00 - How are Pittsburgh police going to give Roethlisberger a ticket for not wearing a helmet when Pennsylvania has no helmet law?
Oh, KSA has a near chance, but can't get it on net. It's still 3-nil.

73:00 - Yellow card to Kariri, of KSA. I missed what he did. Maybe sneezed on the ref, based on the officiating of the WC to date.
Save, Zaid. Been saying his name an awful lot. Thankfully it's only four letters.

70:00 - I have not gone to the well for a terrorism joke because I have a minor in ethnic studies and have some cultural awareness of the Middle East. That and I don't know who's reading this ...
Ukraine has done everything they've wanted in the KSA half of the pitch except plant a flag. Maybe in the 80th minute?
Ukraine sub ready to come in, allegedly, and it's Rotan in for Rebrov. His day will end at one goal.

68:00 - Shep again says KSA is not quitting. I agree, to an extent. After all, if they had, they'd be Togo-like. A pair of good chances in the box for Ukraine, but they can't finish.

65:00 - Another collision, between Zaid (KSA keeper), a KSA defender and Andriy Voronin. Zaid and Voronin go down, both appear OK, but Voronin up quicker. Zaid reaching for his back. If needed, they have an experienced (182 caps) keeper in Mohammed Al Deayea. Zaid went down in the opening match too, but did not come out.

64:00 - Two quick chances again for KSA. One punched out by Ukraine keeper, second one put wide left and out of bounds.
Then very nearly the goal differential was eliminated, but KALINICHENKO, I think, puts it off the cross bar. And yes, I had to copy and paste that name. I'm doing it for you.

62:00 - A strange series of events led to almost a wide-open net for a possible KSA goal, but no one was there to take the shot. Keeper tried to keep KSA off the ball and let it go out, but he backheeled it through the box while the keeper was grossly out of position. But no one was in place for KSA to put it home.

61:00 - Soon after posting that, KSA puts one at the keeper. Wait, let me try that again. KSA just is doing terrible, they can't score, won't score. (Waiting for KSA goal ... )

59:00 - I should have had a sandwich at halftime. I snacked on dried apricots during the first half, but I'm still a bit peckish. Oh, soccer? Still 3-0. Just because there are men in green and white on the pitch does not mean KSA has showed up for this match.

57:00 - What on first glance looked like a PK-resulting foul in favor of KSA turns into a yellow card for a KSA player whose name I forgot. Didn't look like a foul, I agree, but not much like a dive either.

55:00 - First substitutions of the match, for KSA. Khathran in for Dokhi, Mouath in for Ameen.

53:00 - Ukraine playing keepaway, with too much success. It looks like KSA is a man down, when they are not. A few shot attempts by Ukraine, but goal kick for Zaid. And it's right back to Ukraine. A KSA foul gives the ball back to the men in yellow.

50:00 - Finally, the Ukraine keeper gets some camera time. Nice green jersey. Might not even have to wash it tonight. His name, by the way, because I don't think I'll be mentioning him at all later, is Oleksander Shovkovskyi.

49:00 - A Hussein Sulimani foul gives Ukraine another free kick, but nothing doing this time. Imagine that.

48:00 - Shep says Americans might be able to spot Shevchenko in the MLS one day, as he's married to an American model. Ha! He'll be here all half, folks.

46:00 - Wow. Shevchenko with a header, and it's 3-0 Ukraine, about 30 seconds in. Started with more of the same, some slipping and whatnot. Goal went in off a free kick. He was marked fairly well, and shoved his defender which was not noticed. They're doing well at making up that goal differential already.

Stll halftime - Just a few more things, kids. Why Julie Foudy? If they had asked any of us here, would she have been on the list? Why no Mia Hamm? Brandi Chastain? I know there are others, but that's all I got right now.
Also, in another McNabb WC memory, I stayed on campus at my college (Wichita State University, Go Shox!) during the summer of 2002. Not many domestic students stay over the summer, but the internationals do. There's nothing like setting your alarm for some ridiculous time to watch the WC with foreigners. I also missed part of a Spanish class that summer to watch the U.S. vs. Mexico. Almost time to play on.

Halftime - Here's some tidbits from around the Web regarding the match: The two sides have never met before. KSA comes in riding an eight-match World Cup winless streak. This is KSA's fourth world cup (1994, 1998, 2002, 2006). I saw them defeat Morocco at Giants Stadium in the 1994 WC. The tickets were way up at the top, an eighth-grade graduation present. I bought a Morocco t-shirt. They did not win. I think my slight wager may have doomed KSA for today. Sorry Saudis.
KSA was blown out in the WC; they were on the wrong side of an 8-0 match with Germany four years ago.

45:00 stoppage time - Ukraine doesn't capitalize on another chance, but no matter. It's halftime, 2-0 Ukraine. Bring out the squeegees. This is a different Ukraine team so far, at least from the half of play I saw against Spain. It's not necessarily a different KSA team however, but they've got a more capable adversary this match. Some key substitutions, like with Sami Al Jaber in the opening match, could help out the Kingdom in Half 2.

45:00 - Shep likes KSA's attitude though they are down 2-0. They keep attacking, etc., he said. And I agree. We'll see how it translates in the early 2nd half. Two minutes of stoppage time.

44:00 - I think ESPN had a graphic that said Ukraine hadn't scored more than two goals in a WC match. Wasn't the first goal of the game their first ever in a WC?
Anyway, it was almost 3-0 going into the half, but alas, shot was off.

41:00 - Collision between players, both are on the ground and the ref is waiting for his choice to get up so he can card him. Yellow card goes to Dokhi. Ukraine with a hcance from the corner, headed down by Al Qadi. Corner for Ukraine, from the near side of your screen this time. Knocked away, but Ukraine maintains possession. Shot wide left from Ukraine.

39:00 - KSA player does a little head fake to distract the Ukrainian. Ball on side line, both player look at it. KSA guy looks to ref, Ukraine follows suit. KSA absconds with ball. Tricky. Now let's see that translate into something we can see on the scoarboard, eh?

36:00 - Goal Ukraine, 2-0. Rebrov with the netter, from a good bit out. Any NFL teams need a place kicker next year? It might as well have been on a tee. Zaid was beaten like a, well, he didn't see it coming I don't think. Or he slipped. Something. It was a good strike, but bad goalkeeping.

35:00 - Ukraine seems better able to mount an offense, in terms of establishing possession in the KSA half of the pitch and taking its time finding open players. No wonder I got 6.5-1.

32:00 - Goal kick from KSA after defender keeps a shot from getting on goal. Ball's been in the KSA side of the field for quite some time lately. As I say that KSA crosses over and might be mounting something. First two chances, nothing. Third not a charm either, Ukraine back with possession.

30:00 - Ukraine throw-in leads to another deflection off a defender, this time at the other side of the pitch. Zaid handles it OK, defender put it up more than at the net.
Shep said bad weather levels the playing field, helps keep KSA in the game. He said Ukraine a better team. Sure, on paper. But so far in the WC? I dissent.

29:00 - Dokhi, the KSA defender who kept the game from being 2-0 right now, shoots high of the net. Give him credit for taking the shot though. Throw enough at the wall, some might stick. Or at the goal, some might go in, for those needing help making that connection.

27:00 - Lots of back and forth so far without many sustained possessions. ESPN tells us no team has advanced to the round of 16 after losing by four goals in their opener, or something like that. Sometimes facts get in the way of truth. And the truth is, Ukraine is better right now. The scoreboard sayeth so.

24:00 - Rusol almost puts another one in, but this one would have equalized it. Corner for KSA, and ... it's a bit long, going for back post, but out and now a goal kick. When I get a chance to watch closely, some players seem to look timid about the damp field. I know I would be, but I don't own cleats.

23:00 - If you're on AOL IM and want to chime in to harass, I'm EasyMacWSU on there. But don't hit on me, I'm busy.

21:00 - Shevchenko's third shot of the match is handled easily by Zaid. The only goal of the match so far in the 4th minute was brought to you by Andriy (surprise!) Rusol, a 23-year-old with 24 caps and one goal coming into the match.
First yellow to Ukraine, Nesmachnyi, defender, #2.

20:00 - Hey, I HAVE been spelling Shevchenko right. That journalism degree is good for something, eh? (note to coworkers and bosses: I kid. Really. I love my job and all about it.)

17:00 - Shevchenko, barely onside, can't catch a ball through the box, picked by Zaid. Shevchenko smiles about it. Maybe they do feel comfortable up 1-0.

15:00 - KSA free kick, but a foul sends the ball the other way. Kariri runs under #22 for Ukraine. And the wave is going around the stadium. For shame, football fans. For shame.
Throw in for KSA leads to a Ukraine foul. KSA possesses, slowly trying to set something up. Loses it, recovers and a free kick misses everyone. Ball cleared.

13:00 - another Ukraine corner, head by Shevchenko (not even close to spelled right I think) but out on defender. Another corner, another ball knocked over the net, and a third straight corner for Ukraine.
Third time nearly a charm, another header from Shevchenko, off a defender's chest. Defender on the line, thank you very much. Extra for him.

11:00 - Really Glenn, I can watch this in HD? I didn't know that from the other 985 times I've heard it since 9 June. Thanks.
Save Zaid, and a quick effort the other way for KSA, but nothing. Now we're back in the other end, and Ukraine gives it back. For a team that lost 4-0 (and it really wasn't that close), Ukraine seems content with a 1-0 lead.

9:00 - Despite the rain, the game lacks fluidity at the moment. Zaid, KSA keeper, declined to catch the ball last time and opted for the two-fisted punch. Speaking of which, at least one Klitschko brother is in attendance this evening.
One hand quasi-save by Zaid. And back the other way for KSA. Good opportunity for a second, but a flock of yellow shirt defenders interfere, and goal kick Ukraine.

7:00 - Ukraine looks back on their heels under KSA pressure. Replay of the goal shows it went off the Ukraine guy's (I'll get his name) knee or leg in a bit of organized chaos that usually is a corner kick.
Ukraine has no Vladyslav Vashchuk, a defender, out on red card.

5:00 - Sorry, that goal came in the 4th minute. It is the Ukraine's first WC goal, like, ever. Wowie. They almost gave it right back on a free kick. And on the goal, Noor, the defender, slipped. Mother Nature conspires.

1:00 - KSA goal kick, quickly back to Ukraine, who plays nice and gives it right back. Sharing is caring. KSA keeper Zaid misplays ball, maybe slips on wet pitch, and Ukraine corner kick. Header off to the side, but off defender Noor. Another corner. Take two, and it's 1-0 Ukraine, with a goal in the 3rd minute. A dream start for Ukraine, Messing says. I concede.

Kickoff:
Game on. We've got an English ref, so we'll see who he dislikes more. The slick field is already evident less than a minute in. Let's hope we don't see too many stretcher runs. Or let's, you know, whatever works for you.

Still pre-game:
Much was made by the Deadspin faithful in the first Ukraine matchup of the parade of Andriys for those boys in yellow. However, the Kingdom (heretofore called KSA) has a seven-pack of Mohammeds on their side. So.

Pre-game:
I should now mention I laid a lil bit of $ on Saudi Arabia to win today, on Bodog.com, at 6.5-1. Not that it matters.

Anthem time:
I'm going to have to disagree with ESPN's talking heads in the studio. They're favoring the Ukraine, saying the Kingdom couldn't put their first game away when they had a lead. I disagree. They did not get drubbed 4-0. Go Saudi Arabia.
"The Ukraine got smacked by Spain," says everyone's favorite (ahem), Glenn Davis, retired Houston Astro. He and Shep on this match ... be glad you're following along here.

Welcome, kids, to Hamburg, Germany, the northernmost World Cup city this year. It's been raining, and through the game there's a chance of rain, temps in the low 70s. Who does that favor? *shrug*

Anyway, today's early morning live blog features Spain taking on Ukraine, the first of our two final openers today. Enjoy the six different Ukrainian players named Andriy. And we're not kidding.

So. Once again, it's The Mighty MJD with you this morning, so email him with your thoughts, and follow along. Enjoy ... it's Spain-Ukraine! Yeah!

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90:00: Enjoy your day.

90:00: And we're done. Can't help but feel a little sympathy for Ukraine, which is an independent nation-state and not a region. But again, wins against Tunisia and Saudi Arabia, which are certainly possible, get them into the knockout round.

90:00: Two minutes of stoppage time... or, as I like to call it, prolonging the Ukranian misery.

90:00: One more chance for Shevchenko... he was open in the box, but the shot was blocked. Some nice moves, though.

89:36: Spanish keeper badly misplays a ball, giving Ukraine a wide open goal, but the Spanish defense recovers and knocks it away from him. I know it's been a boring day for Casillas, but I think he took things a step too far by actually wheeling a tanning bed onto the pitch. That wasn't necessary.

87:51: Nice low shot in by David Albelda. Save made, and it was a good one.

86:21: Raul very nearly gets his foot to another goal... pass was just a touch too heavy, and the keeper got to it first. Tommy Smyth says that Spain is really trying to get Raul a goal, which just seems cruel.

84:50: Is it possible to run up the score in soccer? Because I think Spain is trying. I guess the good news for Ukraine is that they didn't have to spend the day actually in Ukraine.

80:50: And it's 4-0. Fernando Torres finished it, but the build-up was truly a thing of beauty. Great ball played in by Puyol, after he won the ball twice, and slid in a perfect header. Just spectacular. Check that one out on SportsCenter later if you can. Rough day for the Ukraine.

77:53: Cesc Fabregas checks into the game for some mop-up time.

75:12: The Spanish goalkeeper forced to make a save on the free kick. His technique was flawless. He put his bookmark in his book, set down his scotch and soda, picked up the ball, made love to a middle-aged Ukranian woman, and then booted the ball down the field.

74:29: Ramos, going after a loose ball, absolutely runs through a Ukranian guy, and then gives the ref the Gary Payton "I know I fouled him, but do you know who I am?" look.

73:37: Raul sets up Sergio Ramos for a shot from a tight angle, and he drills it off the side of the net.

72:22: Ohh, nice look for Ukraine. A guy named Rebrov gets a wide open clean shot, about 8 feet away... and he knocks it over the bar by about 3 feet.

71:58: Yaaaaaawn.

68:00: The Ukraine's entire strategy appears to be throwing long balls at Shevchenko and hoping that Spain forgets to jump and put him offsides. It has yet to happen.

67:34: A long cross gets Raul a header on goal. Another close call.

66:25: The Spanish goalkeeper has left the field, showered, put on a suit, and returned to goal with a lawn chair and a book. I think it's a Grisham.

64:19: It's headed out, and Senna blasted a beautiful shot into the goal, but the whistle had blown for a foul against Spain... sort of unfortunate, that shot was phenomenal.

63:28: Free kick here for Spain... and it's deflected wide. Corner for Spain. Their sixth. Ukraine has zero.

62:33: Raul has a ball at his feet in the box, but he dummied it, for some reason. He would've had a great shot at goal. Torres, who Raul wanted it to go to, was as surprised as anyone else by his decision.

60:27: A good look for Raul, but the Ukranian keeper gets the save. A quick counter attack for Ukraine... and a shot goes JUST wide. Really, they almost scored there. I'm not kidding. Andriy Voronin on the shot.

58:18: Much midfield play these last few minutes. I think Spain may be calling off the dogs here.

54:27: David Villa is coming off... and with a 3-0 lead, Spain brings in their leading scorer of all-time, Raul. That doesn't seem quite fair. Xavi Alonso is out, too.

53:10: Not that I'm wishing it upon the feeble Ukranians, but... you know, 4-0 would make me feel a little bit better about the United States' plight.

51:00: We were very very close to 4-0. Luis Garcia controlled the ball for what seemed like an hour in the box, with Ukranians all around him. And he got it to a wide open Villa in front of the net, but he pounded it off the goalie's chins.

48:29: Man, that call was terrible. If the Ukranian team wanted to turn into the Seattle Seahawks for a while, I couldn't blame them.

47:30: It's in. 3-0. The keeper guessed right, but a perfect shot goes in off his hands, and off the post, and in.

47:15: It's David Villa taking it.

46:18: Spain counters... red card in the box. Fernando Torres had a breakaway, and he was taken down. Tommy Smyth is questioning the call, and compared to some of the things that haven't been called... I dunno, that one seems weak. Here's he penalty, the first one of the World Cup...

45:52: Hey, good start for the Ukraine. They're pushing ahead a little bit here to open the half.

45:01: Today's ref if Swiss. There can be no doubting his neutrality.

45:00: Hey, no stoppage time. And we're at the half. If this doesn't get better, the second half is going to turn into a live comparison of Ukranian and Spanish internet pornography. I'll keep you posted.

43:44: David Villa... DAVID VILLA... oh, he just misses. A stop by the goalie after a pretty clear shot by Villa. I don't think the keeper even knew he saved it... the ball hit him, and he was still looking for it.

42:02: Hey, a scoring chance for the Ukraine. A ridiculously poor header from Spain (that I believe they learned from Oguchi Onyewu), gives Shevchenko a shot. It was stopped by the goalie, but whistled offside anyway.

41:17: Oh, man. Shep Messing is commentating the Saudi/Tunisia game. I guarantee you that the Deadspin liveblog will be a better option than the actual viewing of the game.

39:00: Another sustained Ukranian possession... though it wasn't threatening in any sort of way. Eventually, they just kick it out of bounds because they were tired of having the ball for so long.

37:17: I can't tell you how easy this game seems for Spain. It doesn't seem like a lot of people are mentioning them as real cup contenders, but... I dunno. It seems like they're at that level to me.

35:40: Spanish guy blocks a long attempted Ukranian pass with his face. I think the Ukraine should just keep trying to kick the ball into the faces of the Spanish, and they should get a goal every time they do it successfully.

34:48: A Spanish guy in a suit has a really hot wife.

33:30: They play it to the near post, and it goes high over the bar.

32:53: Corner from Xabi. Out off a Ukranian noggin. Corner now from the other side. That's five today.

32:17: Man, I feel bad for whatever poor son of a bitch Will conned into doing the Saudi Arabia/Tunisia game at 11:55. I hope he's giving them hazard pay.

31:56: SHOT ON GOAL! SHOT ON GOAL! Handled easily by the Spanish keeper. Of course it was.

29:36: The ball's been on Spain's side of the field for almost a minute here. Huge moral victory for the Ukraine.

28:40: Hey, a cross for the Ukranian team. But safely headed away. I believe they still have 0 shots on goal. I don't know if they've even considered it.

26:55: The Spanish goalie just sent me a text message. "I M SO BORED BUT MAN SHEVCHENKO IS HOTTTT IN PERSON."

25:56: Constant pressure. Fernando Torres and David Villa work it around the box at their leisure, but unable to put another one home. For now.

24:42: They're just pouring it on here. If it's not 3-0 at the half, I'll be very surprised.

22:22: A shot of some Spanish fans, where one big guy with a bass drum was screaming at someone off camera, and his friends were trying to restrain him. It was as if they were saying, "What are you going to do, taunt a Ukranian? His life spent in constant depression isn't enough for you? Let him have his vodka for lunch and leave him alone."

20:41: The onslaught just continues. I think the Spanish goalkeeper is actually napping.

18:20: Yeah, that's not a good way for the Ukraine to open up their first ever World Cup. The Ukraine is an even sadder place this morning.

16:53: Goal. David Villa on the free kick, just blasted it off someone's head in the Ukranian wall.. Not a whole lot of suspense here...

16:06: Ouch. Yellow card on one of the non-Shevchenko Ukranian guys, who came sliding in with his cleats up, Ty Cobb-style. Someone should punch him in his ugly Ukranian face. Free kick.

12:46: GOOOOOAL! A header from Xavi Alonso on the corner bounces off the goalie's hand and slips into the side of the goal. 1-0 Spain.

12:29: Nice long shot off the foot of Senna, forcing the goalie to make a nice save. Corner kick.

11:33: Oh, hey... Shevchenko was the guy in that SportsCenter commercial with Scott Van Pelt, where he's trying to get him to call American football soccer... I wasn't aware.

10:45: I don't think the Ukraine has had the ball for longer than 10 seconds here. The Spanish can be selfish.

7:44: Luis Garcia takes a shot from a tight angle, and sends it wide of the net.

7:08: The Spanish team keeps threatening... they pass well. Fluidity. They're fun.

4:46: A good effort on a free kick sees a ball bounce off of a Ukrainian head in the box. The Spanish counter, and Fernando Torres made a nice run into the box, to be denied there at the last second. Corner kick. Nothing doing.

4:00: It's 95 degrees there today, which makes the warm beer thing all the more confusing to me.

2:50: Some nifty passing gets the Spaniards a shot on goal, but Xavi rolls it wide of the goal. A poor effort there, but a good chance.

1:54: Much midfield play here thus far...

0:10: We're underway... Ukraine is sporting the all-yellow uniforms, with these little blue spikey stripes coming in from all sides. Those are nice.

0:00: Hey, this commercial with the two kids playing soccer, and picking their teams, and then the starts come running out to take the field... why does that one kid take Cisse first? And when he does, why doesn't the other kid just start laughing at him?

0:00: Commentators with accents, baby. That's what I'm talking about.

0:00: Fuckin' waffles are awesome.

0:00: It'll be Ukraine's first appearance in the World Cup, and they're led by Andriy Shevchenko, who just sold his soul and any remaining goodness in his body to Chelsea. Fernando Torres of Spain describes the Ukraine as "Shevchenko plus 10 others." But hey, all they have to do is figure out a way to finish ahead of Tunisia and Saudi Arabia, and they're advancing.

0:00: Here's what you need to know for this one on the Spanish side. Well, they're pretty manly at just about every position. I'm a fan of Carles Puyol, who's hair looks kind of like Dirk Nowitzki's, if Dirk hadn't bathed in three or four months. All but five dudes on their team play in the vaunted Spanish League, but there are also some EPL guys scattered in there, including Xabi Alonso, Cesc Fabregas, and Jose Antonio Reyes.

• 3. We Stink. Ukrainian National Team coach Oleh Blokhin, a Communist who was once an MP in the Ukranian parliament, is not known for his cheerful attitude. Excerpts from his recent newspaper interviews: "The young players do not listen to me for some reason, they are not knocking on the door, they are not pushing into the team. If I'm being honest, I'd take only 20 people to Germany, it is hard for us to find that number. But that wouldn't be right. The squad has to include 23. The lack of serious competition in the team is a terrible thing."

• 4. They Park The Team Bus In Front Of The Goal. Ukraine's big strength is defense; the team allowing just seven goals in 12 qualifying games, including three in the past two games after it had already secured its World Cup berth. Goalkeeper Alexander Shovkovsky of Dynamo Kiev is one of the best in the world at his position. Andrey Rusol, though only 22, is a leader force for the defense.

(Tomorrow: Tunisia)