"JP is the founder of Pyle of List, where he toils alongside 3 men that are superior writers, passionate sports lovers and respected friends. He's a USC alum, college football enthusiast and Pac-10 apologist. He also contributes to National Lampoon's Zaz Report but isn't responsible for any of their movies. JP is honored to receive your scorn in the comments."

Orson Swindle is a tough act to follow, even when I’m not following him directly. He’s like the “Hot Fuzz” of college football. He somehow manages to lovingly celebrate whilst cleverly ridiculing the SEC football culture. I’m still struggling not to use “we” when talking about USC. Kudos to you, Orson.

With that out of the way, here’s your USC Trojans 2008 Season Preview:

Strengths

Reputation: If USC were any other school, this team would be ranked in the high ‘teens (unless they played in the SEC where they’d be national title favorites). But in college football, unlike any other sport this side of gymnastics, your rep will play a factor in your rankings. This isn’t going to win games for the men of Troy, but will position them favorably in the polls. Also, the Trojans are very attractive to the BCS because of their high profile and command of a gigantic media market, which gives them an edge for any at-large bids. Sorry haters, fair or not…them’s the facts.

Nobel Prize Winner, George Olah: In 1994, Olah won the Nobel Prize for revolutionizing organic chemistry. 8 years later, Pete Carroll is producing unseemly amounts of talent and has the energy of a toddler with a PCP drip while only sleeping 47 minutes a night. Coincidence? I think not.

Rey Maualuga and his band of Merry Linebackers: Despite his legendary reputation, I was very critical of ol’ Rey through last season (albeit on a far less public forum, my blog) because his enthusiasm for manslaughter on the football field often left him out of position. He’d make spectacular plays, but simple ones would elude him. But, he finally seemed to find the proper balance at the end of last season. Which is bad news for every offense in the country… even his own, considering he’s hurt a few of his teammates in practice. When he’s joined by Brian Cushing, who was a dead ringer for Tim Riggins when he had long hair, and Kaluka Maiava (broke his thumb forcing a fumble by jamming it into the ball in the Rose Bowl) they form a very menacing trio.

Pete Carroll: You cannot list strengths for this football team without mention Pete himself. He is everything good about USC football. As an alum and hardcore fan, I will openly weep the day (God forbid) he ever decides to leave the Trojans.

Weaknesses

Special Teams: Despite a ridiculous stockpile of talent (including Ess-Ee-Cee approved speed), the coverage teams are susceptible to big returns and our kicker is a former linebacker. The reason? Unlike virtually every civilized program in the country, the Trojans do not have a special teams coach. Apparently they decided to use the coaching position for an Assistant Facebook Coach, which to be fair is more relevant in recruiting. Since special teams plays can swing momentum and decide close games, this could catch up to USC this year in one such contest.

Offensive line: After replacing four starters, the Trojans’ experience on the O- line has been well documented. But all I needed to know was expressed by a note from the first scrimmage provided by Scott Wolf: “lineman went the wrong way on two of the first three plays of the scrimmage.” Missing an assignment is one thing, but going in the wrong direction is quite another. Especially at the start of an intra-squad scrimmage, where the plays were probably scripted. These are the kind of mental mistakes that lead to the second string QB frantically putting on his helmet and sprinting into the huddle, while they bust out smelling salts for your starter who’s on a mental journey previously only believed to be possible with heavy doses of peyote.

Depth: General wisdom would trumpet depth as a great strength. Even for USC, this would be true for all non skill positions. But the glut of talented WR’s, RB’s and even QB’s has complicated this whole “offensive juggernaut” thing, which has been stuck in 4th gear since 2005 when Bush-Leinart-White departed. The Trojans don’t have a “go-to guy” within the dearth of playmakers. In their pursuit of the next chosen one, the coaching staff has shuffled so many players around that nobody has established a rhythm and gotten comfortable. I have a scientifically unfounded belief that this also contributes to a higher rate of injury, since guys are literally competing for the starting job each week in practice.

Rivals

After decades of college football excellence, the Trojans have managed to pile up more rivals across this great nation than the Warriors had in the boroughs of New York City. Hence the following Michael Corleone-esque, Godfather christening scene caliber hit list:

UCLA- When other Pac-10 schools mock your apathy, you’re nothing short of a laughingstock. Seriously, the rivalry isn’t fun when you have the school spirit of a 14 year old emo kid that cuts himself. Don’t worry, the morons in the dancing bear costumes will hold up a sign when it’s time for another lifeless “A-Clap”.

Notre Dame- This is all you need to know about the Charlie Weis era at Notre Dame: even Pete Carroll thinks he’s an asshole.

Big 10- What do Pac-10 schools call a mobile QB from the Big 10? A Defensive End.

Texas- Mack Brown’s coaching ability is directly correlated with the presence of Vince Young, or in this case lack thereof. And he sure as hell ain’t walkin’ through that door anytime soon. Enjoy the Colt McCoy era. The success of your team will be determined by a guy that sounds like a rejected cousin from the holdout-era “Dukes of Hazzard.”

SEC- Only a rival because they’ve eluded ‘SC in BCS bowls. Now that they’ve added a game to the schedule, I’m glad to see you’re finally playing quality opponents out of conference without having to compromise your relationship with Louisiana Monroe or the Citadel. At least this didn’t require something as drastic as Sam “Bam” Cunningham running roughshod over Bear’s Tide to bludgeon them into integration… in 1971.

So they hold a special place in out hearts, as they do for you I'm sure. That's why we anticipate the new crop of talent with the same eagerness of the NFL Draft, with the added bonus of there being no booing Jets fans. As the photo here shows, we have a real prospect coming on board this year: Lindsey (on the left), it appears, has all the tools; and she's already one of Busted Coverage's Top 3 USC Song Girls To Watch This Season. With her anchoring the team, it should be a fun year. Aug. 30th at Virginia can't come soon enough.

Early Contender For USC Song Girl Of The Year [Busted Coverage]
World Famous USC Song Girls

I think I speak for everyone when I thank Busted Coverage for their new feature, The 2008 Olympics of Hot College Athletes, which featured Jennifer this week and should be a fine addition to our summer. It's good to see something on another site that I can totally get behind.

I know the question you're asking now is, just how good is Mueller in the sprints? She specializes in the 200 and 400 meter dashes, where it appears that she's never finished higher than fifth in any finals. But her times aren't bad, I suppose. Oh, and this will shock you: She's majoring in public relations.

Enjoy the photos while you can, folks. Only a matter of time before her father removes them.

2008 Olympics Of Hot College Athletes [Busted Coverage]
USC Track & Field Official Site

In what's already been something of a frustrating day for Southern California, a story gaining traction is that UCLA football coach Rick Neuheisel has been using the above video as a way to convince recruits to stear clear of USC, presumably because Brennan Carroll, the son of head coach Pete Carroll and one of the team's assistant coaches, is all screamy and cussy. But doesn't he say he "loves every fucking one of you"? Positively touching, if you ask me.

Scott Wolf, the beat writer for the Trojans at the L.A. Daily News is lending credence to the view that the video, which was displayed on Pete Carroll's official site earlier this week, is a cause for concern for the program.

Q: Was the walk-on football tape that prominently featured Carroll's son sponsored by USC and, if so, why...when it reflects so poorly on the walk-on process at USC?

A: Because there is no editor or safety net to judge the content that gets thrown up on the petecarroll.com website. Everything is viewed as a self-promotion aimed at recruits, parents and lastly, fans. A lot of the content can be interesting but sometimes you need an editor to step in and say, ``this is not worthy of the program.'' And let me add it's not just Rick Neuheisel doing the criticizing. People I respect at USC also criticized it this week not to mention quite a few coaches at other schools across the country.

But if a white privileged douche with a visor can't represent USC, who can?

• The drinking helmet is not only a good sign complement. It's a must. [The Sports Hernia]
  
• At least Eric Gagne is honest. [Fanhouse]
  
• Jay Mariotti, master quote distorter. [Jay the Joke]
  
• Yeah, the Mavs went with Rick Carlisle. But what could have been? [Triviality of Basketball]
  
• A 5-year USC rule infraction retrospecticus [East Coast Bias]
  
• A more positive USC history lesson. [So-Cal Sports Hub]
  
• Derek Jeter has never seen Anchorman. Deadspin commenting account denied. [Big League Stew]
  
• Paaahk the caaah in the high school bawl yaaaaahd. [Josh Q. Public]
  
• The Ballad of Jamar Hornsby [The Arena]

Reached for comment, Scooby Doo said, "Ruh-roh, Raggy."

Louis Johnson, who was a part of Mayo's inner circle until recently, said Mayo accepted around $30,000 in cash and gifts during the past four years from Rodney Guillory, a 43-year-old Los Angeles event promoter. In addition to cash, the gifts included a flat-screen television for Mayo's dorm room, cell phone service, a hotel room, clothes, meals and airline tickets for Mayo's friends and a relative, according to Johnson, others with knowledge of the gifts and store receipts.

Mayo responded to the report with the following:

In a statement, Mayo said: "I am focusing on the process of making my dream come true, which is to play professional basketball. I will not allow these allegations to become a distraction to me and my family. I have been through investigations by the NCAA, the Pac Ten and USC before I attended school and during the time I have been here. I have not engaged in any wrongdoing. If these claims were true I would suspect they would have been discovered by one of these organizations."

Of Guillory, Mayo said in his statement: "Rodney has been a positive influence on me as well as a strong African-American male presence in my life. Recently, my mother had the opportunity to spend time with Rodney as well, and has shared her appreciation for the way he has always treated me like I was family when I was so far away from home. I have nothing but respect for Rodney."

With an investigation already ongoing with regard to reports that Reggie Bush reaped financial benefits worth more than $100,000 from marketing agents while at USC, it should be interesting to see what sanctions the school might face if both reports bear out.

The As the USC blog All Things Trojan points out, Arizona head coach Kevin O'Neill did everything to try and prevent events like this. He made a video ... he tried everything!

Not only is throwing a water bottle onto the court dumb in a general setting, it's downright suicidal in Tucson, Arizona. Imagine if Minnesota fan chucked a parka toward halfcourt. (This is, of course, imagining that a Minnesotan has the ability to be a dick.) Either way you're gonna need that item to survive in the harsh, unforgiving elements. Which is why you never see Duke fans try and hit the opposing team's players with their trust fund.

..what? Oh, right, the video:

Stay Classy, Tucson [LA Times/All Things Trojan]

"I keep thinking I should be conflicted over all of this, given that Stanford's victory allows Cal to get to No. 2 (almost No. 1 if not for LSU's big comeback)."

Yep, the 24-23 win at USC was so stunning, Cardinal supporters are worried about how it affects their arch-rival. God, they don't even know how to properly celebrate. Having grown up in the Bay Area, this doesn't surprise me at all. Unlike Texas or Oklahoma, where football is religion and one wrong word can get your scrotum ripped, we are by comparison a sleepy backwater. In the great department store of college football, we are the casual wear department.

But that doesn't make Saturday's result any less significant. Even if no one else is saying it, can I call this what it is? The biggest upset in college football history. USC opened as a 41-point favorite, and by game time the line was at 39-40. If the point spead is the standard, then this beats the runnerup, Oregon State (+36) over Washington, 21-20, in 1986. Other fun facts:

• Going into the game, Stanford was 2-14 since the start of last season and had been outscored 72-3 in the previous six quarters.
• It was the first start for quarterback Tavita Pritchard, who had thrown three passes in college.
• Stanford's defense was allowing 47 points per game in Pac-10 play.
• The Cardinal trailed 23-14 in the fourth quarter.

But for the Stanford-didn't-win-it-USC-lost-it crowd, well, things like this just don't happen without being part of some bigger picture. The fact that Stanford was even in a position to win it at the end means that this program has turned some sort of corner. The Cardinal played harder, made the the big plays when they counted and may have had a bit of divine assistance when Mark Bradford pulled down Pritchard's pass in the left corner of the end zone for the winning TD. This caused all sorts of confusion among the Versus announcers, by the way: One of whom boldly predicted — after the TD catch had tied it — that Stanford would go for the one-point conversion instead of two.

It's kind of a neat moment, too, for Jim Harbaugh, who played high school football across the street from Stanford — at Palo Alto High — before becoming the quarterback at Michigan (after Stanford admissions had turned him down). While at Paly, Harbaugh was so famous for locking his keys in his car during football season that teammates built him a jimmy device in shop class so that they wouldn't have to continually drive him home. It's that singularity of purpose that leads one to believe that he just may have a future in this football business.

On the other hand, you have John David Booty, who the same night his team lost in the biggest upset in college history, was seen doing shooters at Les Deux, an LA nightclub. It could be said that he was drowning his sorrows; if by that you meant "being draped by blondes."

Actually I'm just relieved that the Stanford band didn't march onto the field prematurely and ruin this one. That very easily could have happened.

Biggest Upset In College Football History? [Democratic Underground]
LA Nightclub Gets Booty Shots After Trojan Loss [SportsbyBrooks]
Stanford Upset Of USC Even Shocks Commentators [SportsbyBrooks]
Stanford Shocker [YouTube]

Anyway, if you're still up for it — and by "up for it" I mean lying on the couch with chips — tonight's schedule pits No. 1 USC at No. 14 Nebraska (ABC), No. 21 Boston College at No. 15 Georgia Tech (ESPN 2), Arkansas at Satan's school (ESPN) and whole bunch of other games I'm too lazy to look up. But whatever, I'm sure you'll find a game you like. You're smart like that.

And oh, before I go, you should probably know that I'm considering joining my buddy's birthday golf pub-crawl tonight. It's pretty simple/stupid: one drink equals one stroke, a pint's par is four. So, yeah, if I don't start posting until like 4 pm tomorrow, you'll know I drank a strong back nine. Until tomorrow.

But since this is Every Day Should Be Saturday, you know that the interview doesn't end there. Miles "continues," criticizing a random 11-year-old girl named Hayley Lafontaine:

"Her bicycle lacks streamers. Her birthday parties always turn up the dregs of the sixth grade ... And she plays Avril fucking Lavigne all damn day. Avril Lavigne. As if anyone in the world gave a flying dog turd-shaped airplane made of dog turds about her anymore. Goddammit, how I loathe that brokedick excuse for an 11 year old girl. She keeps going on about how excited she is about the Bratz movie coming up—Omigod bratz bratz bratz weeeEEEEEEE—that I'm thinking of burning down the Regal 5 the night before just to watch her cry."

In Hayley's defense, nobody really uses streamers anymore.

LSU Rates SEC Best [2TheAdvocate]
Les Miles Calls Out USC, Big 12, 11-Year-Old Girl [Every Day Should Be Saturday]

That's right, it's Game Time. Lil' Romeo son of Master P, has committed to play basketball for Tim Floyd at USC. He just finished up his junior year at Beverly Hills High school, averaging 13.9 points and 5.6 assists per game. He also led the league in street cred.

I don't know how good he is. Anyone who gets a basketball scholarship to USC, obviously, can play a little bit. And his dad's a basketball junkie, once having a tryout with the Toronto Raptors (some argue that it was Master P's inspirational performance that spurred this current Raptors resurgence), so it's not impossible to believe that he can play. I wish him the best.

To counter, John Wooden is currently on a plane to Indianapolis to recruit Lil' Ronnie to UCLA. And look at Romeo in that picture up there, just taunting him.

It's a rap: 'Romeo' Miller commits to Trojans [FOXSports.com]

Are we sure that he didn't commit to play for Bob Huggins at Kansas State? For some reason, as I read the news report, it just keeps popping up in the back of my mind, "Bob Huggins, Bob Huggins, Bob Huggins." Is that wrong?

OJ and some pals were pulled over last night in a Cadillac that police deemed suspicious (a Cadillac with at least one tall black man inside in Huntington, WV, seen by police as suspicious? You don't say). The marijuana was found inside of a shoe in the back of the vehicle. Someone really should tell him about these.

Incoming USC PG OJ Mayo Busted for Marijuana Charges [Larry Brown Sports]
Police: O.J. Mayo cited on marijuana charge [WANE-TV]

For whatever reason, the No. 7 Trojans put up a lackluster effort in their final game of the season against No. 10 BYU. USC struggled defensively in giving up five goals and an empty netter. Seniors Chris Dralla and Matt Carter-Tracy both scored in their final game in cardinal and gold.

Lackluster effort?! They're obviously ignoring the glossy, bright heiney of one Mr. Mickey Meyer:

A University of Southern California hockey goalie put on a show, but it had nothing to do with stopping shots. Mickey Meyer rode his stick like a horse, dropped his bulky pants, mooned the crowd and slapped his buttocks during a game against Brigham Young University, police said. He was ejected and ticketed for lewdness, a misdemeanor, after an officer who was working security at the rink said he witnessed the scene Saturday. "I had my fill of these refs," Meyer said on an Internet broadcast of the game, according to The Herald-Journal of Logan.

Of course, Meyer is also the goalie who stopped a puck with his head in a 5-3 win over UCLA on Jan. 19. The Trojans play in the Pac-8 Conference, which they won this year, and from what we understand each player is required to put up more than $1,000 of his own money to participate. So we think Mickey earned his little moment. This is him, front row, second from the right, we presume.

We're still kind of surprised, though, that the incident didn't involve USC's backup goalie, Matt Buttweiler.

(And here's a link to an MP3 play-by-play of the whole thing).

California Goalie Moons BYU Hockey Crowd [KUTV.com]
Flat Finale [University of Southern California Ice Hockey]

Anyway, it looks like they now have Bush on tape accepting a crapload of money and gifts.

According to multiple sources in an ongoing Yahoo! Sports investigation, nearly $280,000 in cash, rent and gifts was allegedly given to Bush and his family. Lake and Michaels both said in August 2006 that they planned to file a lawsuit against Bush. ... If the NCAA rules that Bush received extra benefits during his playing career at USC, he could be ruled retroactively ineligible. Since some of the benefits date to the 2004 season, the Trojans' national championship that season could be rescinded. USC could face further NCAA sanctions and Bush's 2005 Heisman Trophy could be in jeopardy.

This is ultimately more damaging for USC than it is for Bush, who could lose his Heisman Trophy but, uh, kind of has bigger fish to fry right now. Though we think that if they do decide to take away his trophy, it might be funny if they had to chase him for it.

Tale Of The Tapes [Yahoo! Sports]

There are no further details available as of 11:45 pm on Saturday, but his body was found at the bottom of a cliff in San Pedro, California.

Danelo, 21, was a redshirt junior for the Trojans. His father Joe played in the NFL with the Bills and Giants.

USC kicker Danelo found dead at bottom of cliff [ESPNU]

We guarantee you that Johnson is looking at video of this right now, and throwing the red flag. Unfortunately, there must be indesputable video evidence that a proposal was not made in order to overturn the call, and we simply don't see that from this angle.

For drama on Monday, you couldn't beat this game, with the Broncos and Sooners scoring 22 points over the final two minutes of regulation, Boise finishing its season 13-0. Down by one with the conversion pending in overtime, Broncos head coach Chris Petersen opted for the two-point conversion, with Johnson taking a handoff on an apparent pass play and running in untouched for the victory. Begone BCS committee, you have no powers here.

• Rose Bowl: USC 32, Michigan 18. Gerald Ford proved no more help from the beyond than did Bo Schembechler, as the Wolverines were trampled into putty to run their losing streak to two games. Rather than bore you with dry statistics, we think this about sums things up. But this was probably a foregone conclusion: Michigan had to know it was in trouble when USC summoned the power of Lord George Lucas and his Legion of Nerds for the Rose Parade.

• Gator Bowl: West Virginia 38, Ga. Tech 35. Because we know you're keeping track, the Mountaineers and Yellow Jackets set Gator Bowl records for scoring (Tennessee 45, Virginia Tech 23 in 1994), total yardage (928), plays from scrimmage (121) and first downs (40). WV quarterback Patrick White shook off a variety of injuries to throw for 131 yards and two touchdowns and rush for 145 yards and a TD.

• Outback Bowl: Penn State 20, Tennessee 10. They're saying that this gives Joe Paterno his record-setting 22nd bowl victory, but does it count if he spent the game in the press box? Penn State (9-4) forced three turnovers, holding Tennessee (9-4) to a season-low in points.

• Capital One Bowl: Wisconsin 17, Arkansas 14. The Badgers finish 12-1 behind quarterback John Stocco (two first-half TD passes), but a second-quarter pass by Wisconsin punter Ken DeBauche was the big play in this one. Sad, really.

• Cotton Bowl: Auburn 17, Nebraska 14. See above. OK, actually this was a different game, as no punters attempted passes, and Tommy Tuberville was involved. Carl Stewart scored two touchdowns on his only two carries, and the Tigers won despite only 178 yards total offense. — RC

Update: Thanks to reader Kenny Loggins for pointing out this tasty YouTube footage.

USC, on the other hand, probably just stamped their ticket for the BCS Championship game against Ohio State. It was the Dwayne Jarrett Show last night, as he brought down 7 catches for 132 yards, including a nasty one-hander on the sidelines that only a few people on the planet can make. Provided they don't trip up against UCLA (and weird things can happen in such a game), it's USC vs. Ohio State on January 8th.

• South Florida 24, West Virginia 19. West Virginia's leading rusher was a fellow named Darius Reynaud, a fine receiver, but if West Virginia's leading rusher isn't named Pat White or Steve Slaton... that's probably not a good sign for West Virginia. Obviously, that will put to bed any chance WVU had at an at-large BCS berth.

• Wake Forest 38, Maryland 24. At 10-2, Wake Forest will be playing Georgia Tech (who lost to Georgia) next week with the ACC title and a spot in the BCS on the line. If you'd have told me before the season started that that was going to happen, I'd have suggested dropping a "T" between the "W" and the "F" on Wake's helmets, and adding a question mark at the end. Kenneth Moore ran for 165 yards, and QB Riley Skinner was 10-of-13 passing for 125 yards and a touchdown.

The last time Notre Dame played a team that's currently ranked in the Top 25, they lost by nearly four touchdowns. Since then, despite feasting on teams like Stanford, North Carolina, Air Force and Army, they've got themselves back into the national championship picture. On the outside, about-to-be-cropped portion of that picture maybe, but in the picture nonetheless.

USC, meanwhile is in the middle of that picture. They win tonight, and they're probably going back to the national championship game for what feels like the 17th year in a row.

Plenty of reasons to watch and follow along here in the Deadspin comments: Nick Lachey, USC's great receivers against Notre Dame's mediocre secondary, Donald Trump, Jeff Samardzija vs. Terrell Thomas, PAC-10 Porno names, Will Ferrell, the handsome good looks of Brady Quinn, Brent Musberger, cheerleaders in sweaters, and major BCS implications.

Porn Name All-Stars - Pac Ten Edition [The Extrapolator]

I'm sure that USC fans find that not only comforting, but timely and helpful, as well. The replay officials at the time told the world that there was an equipment malfunction, but that wasn't the case. Someone just hooked up a monitor incorrectly.

And not only that, you want to know what kind of a high-tech system they were using? Two televisions displaying ABC's broadcast feed and a TiVo. The NFL uses a $125,000 system called "DVSport," while for the NCAA national championship game, they use something you can pick up at any Wal-Mart for a few hundred bucks. In fact, I suspect that many of you are using that very same high-tech Rose Bowl replay system right now. What did they have at the Independence Bowl, a courtroom sketch artist, and a Polaroid camera?

Rush to judgment [Yahoo! Sports]

Attending a North Carolina State football game is always fun, particularly the part where you're sprayed with urine. According to the campus newspaper The Technician, overcrowding at newly-refurbished Carter-Finley Stadium has led to many colorful activities in the student section, including fights, ticket forgery and wanton urination in the stands. If you're lucky, the guy in the row above you will simply pee into a popcorn bucket. If not, well, what are those lyrics to Singin' in the Rain, again?

Meanwhile, there's another Lord of the Flies scenario going on over at USC home games, apparently. Ah, college. Fat, drunk and taking a leak on your neighbor is no way to go through life, son.

Overcrowding, Urine Dampen Football Game [Technician Online]
Making Football Fun Again [Technician Online]
Even 'SC Media Sells Fear [Daily Trojan]