"They said, 'You've got no chance,' they told me," Clemens said. "I said, 'I'm going to get it tomorrow, right?' And then she goes, 'No chance, we're going to the game.' So we couldn't get dry cleaning done out there, but I guess the neatest thing about them was there were about 50,000 of them at Anaheim Stadium, Korea and Japan.

We imagine Clemens having a similar discussion last season, after reaching on a single against the Dodgers, with first baseman Hee Seop Choi.

"So, hoss, I'm glad I've got you here. Listen, my guy is charging me $25 for a shirt and $40 for a suit. Doesn't that seem insane to ya'll? Forty bucks? Is that what you charge? You surely charge less than that, right?"

Clemens Gets NL Ring [ESPN]

According to the Wall Street Journal, the WBC will ultimately turn a profit of about "$10 million to $15 million," which is impressive, though player salaries tend not to spiral out of control when the players are from Cuba.

It is pleasing to note that an event that spread the word of baseball throughout the planet also brought in plenty of cold, hard cash. Expect this to end up like many baseball promotions; a fat cow that is ultimately milked until it is gaunt, Iggy Pop-esque. Who's up for a World Baseball Classic next year?! Who's with us?!

After a Few Foul Balls, World Tournament Ends Up Being a Hit [WSJ.com]

Two excellent on site reports from two Padres bloggers: Gas Lamp Ball and Ducksnorts. It's a night of overenthused Cuban fans, people smoking in the stands and an inexplicable Tommy Lasorda. It sounds like our kind of night.

World Baseball Classic Finals Photos [Gas Lamp Ball]
World Baseball Classic Photos: Japan Vs. Cuba [Ducksnorts]

Since leaving Major League Baseball to manage in Japan, Bobby V has become sort of our unofficial Japanese baseball ambassador ... to the detriment of everyone, including himself. Valentine's protestations that American baseball does everything wrong that Japanese baseball does right, that he appreciates managing "devoted team players," that the sun shines brighter over there, that everybody in Japan just toots rainbows. Valentine notoriously protests too much; no matter how much fun he's having in Japan, the famed self-promoter still nurses a seriously bruised ego after being run off from Major League Baseball. Therefore, everything they do in MLB is wrong, and everything they do in Japanese baseball is right (including — primarily — worshipping Bobby Valentine). Because hey, if they love Bobby, they must play baseball the right way!

Congratulations, Japan [Off Wing Opinion]

We don't understand this. It's clear that the team was trying and took the loss hard. It's difficult to call anything as random as a single series of baseball games a "debacle;" this is pretty far removed from the basketball and hockey embarrassments. (We also don't get why it's somehow more humiliating to lose the game you "invented," though we suspect 1800s cricket fans might have some say in that. It's not like England is expected to win the World Cup every year.)

The World Baseball Classic has been a fun experiment that will only improve as they work out the kinks. That Team USA isn't in the semifinals is probably for the best; of all the countries who had a chance, we're the ones who will surely handle the disappointment the easiest. Besides: If this just gave us the chance for one last run of Roger Clemens Retirement stories, jeez, isn't it worth it?

New World Order [Yahoo Sports]
Deflated Team [Baseball Musings]
World Baseball Conspiracy Theory [Sports Media Watch]

(Note: A reader who was in Anaheim last night writes in with an upsetting report: "Between innings on the Kiss Cam, the camera pans to the regular cliches; the elderly, a brother lip-locking his sister, etc. ... and then ... Tom Cruise dipping Katie Holmes and planting one on the lips. It was sort of like seeing Don Nelson at the Oscars, impossible but everyone saw it. I think.")

But that wasn't even close to the best game of the night. Cuba beat Puerto Rico 4-2 in a game with so much intensity — from players, from managers, from fans, from the hot dog guys — that we were seriously concerned the stadium was going to rip itself apart. And we'd like to say: Team Cuba is crazed. Where do we start with this team? They do things we've never, ever seen on a diamond. After a close — but correct — call at first base went against them, the first baseman started jumping up and down for a good 15 seconds; he was getting some serious hang time. One batter fouled a pitch straight back and then glared out at the pitcher and jawed, saying the Cuban equivalent of "I'm right on you!" (He grounded to the third baseman next pitch.) During one tense play late, two coaches started running out to the mound while the pitcher was in his windup. Perhaps distracted, perhaps not, Carlos Beltran swung and missed at the pitch.

But the best has to be Cuban manager Higinio Velez. He was thrown out of the game last night, which was incredible to watch, considering he was talking through his interpreter (a heavy-set, obviously beleaguered woman). Velez said something to the umpire that caused him to toss him, but we couldn't figure out; did the interpreter say it? Did the ump know what it was? How bizarre is it for a manager to come out to yell at the ump, bring his stout translator with him and then get run up? It was awesome. We'd never seen that before. We love the WBC.

Korea 2, Japan 1 [MLB.com]
Cuba 4, Puerto Rico 3 [MLB.com]

Henceforth, tomorrow could very well be the last time we ever see Roger Clemens pitch. ... giggle ... mphffft ... oh, fine! We tried to type that with a straight face, but couldn't pull it off. Anyway, Team USA needs to win tomorrow against Mexico and then a whole bunch of other confusing shit to happen. We're rooting for them, since we're, like, an American and all, but, honestly, we're probably gonna watch the semifinals no matter who is in it. See? We're paying attention to stuff this week that has nothing to do with brackets.

An Instant Classic [SI.com]
Untanglinge The Team USA Tiebreaker Scenario [Talking Baseball]

(UPDATE: Earlier, we said the game was tonight. It's not. It's tomorrow night. Sorry.)

Meanwhile, there is Hee Seop Choi. We have always liked him, because we love players who are huge, lumbering, clumsy and still productive; it reminds us that baseball has always been less of an athletic endeavor than other sports. We remember being at Wrigley Field a few years ago, when Choi pinch-hit in the 11th inning of a game against our Cardinals. Wrigley rocked with the sound of "Hee-Seop-CHOI! Hee-Seop-CHOI! Hee-Seop-CHOI!" In the clutch situation, Choi, true to form, walked.

The Joy Of Choi [Baseball Musings]

Of course, the real issue everyone — well, everyone who has a second to peel their eyeballs away from their bracket — is talking about was an absolutely brutal call in the United States' favor in the eighth inning. Basically, a sacrifice fly gave Japan the lead, but manager Buck Martinez ran out to protest the call. And, for whatever insane (or nefarious) reason, the umpires reversed the call.

You can watch the video of the call below, and, hey ... USA! USA!

Different lingerie sets are available for Japanese baseball teams Hanshin Tigers, and Rakuten Eagles. There's also a tremendously creative bra that commemorates horse racing, and I really can't say enough about the bras that are available just in time for World Cup soccer. What would it look like if they did a bra for the Lingerie Bowl?

Anyway, I can't argue with the results, and our hope our cultures can collaborate more often.

Triumph International Theme Undies [Japundit]

And he was in the vicinity when Cuban officials approached another guy who had the "ABAJO FIDEL" sign, but were escorted out of the stadium by Puerto Rican police and then given a stern talking-to about the virtues of free speech. Tournament organizers have agreed to ban such signs in future games. It was fun while it lasted, though.

And speaking of free speech, a reader wrote in yesterday to tell us that the commentators doing the U.S./South Africa game were unaware that the feed at MLB.tv was not going to commercial, and instead, their comments could be heard by everyone listening on-line. One guy wondered aloud if a mountain in the background was actually "Brokeback Mountain." Free speech indeed.

Baseball Classic [therealcuba.com]
Freedom of speech 1, Fidel Castro 0 [Brownie, you're doin' a heckuva job!]
An international baseball incident [The Sports Frog]
Cubans absorb humiliating defeat [Miami Herald]

Reader Nate Little, who totally gets a backrub anytime if he wants one, went to the Venezuela-Dominican Republic World Baseball Classic game on Tuesday and filed a complete video report, exclusively for us. It's short, but oh-so-sweet, and we're hoping we can talk him into doing some more. It's below. Enjoy.

You settle into your seats, and, lo and behold, you have stumbled across the only instance of rabid Canadian baseball fans ever recorded. (Did they paint their chests? Is that guy wearing a CAPE?) Well, no matter. At least they will be quiet.

Nine innings later, you're the poor bastard in the Cubs hat, in the lower left hand corner, as a bunch of Molson-addled guys scream cheers in French while your baseball team loses to Canada. Damn you, Bud Selig. Damn you straight to Hell.

Canada Holds Off Rallying Team USA [World Baseball Classic]

Anyway, as if the U.S. didn't have enough advantages, Baseball America points out that Team USA has had decidedly better access to scouting reports on other nations.

We find this curious — we think it's probably better for the long-term health of the WBC if someone other than the United States wins — but not all that surprising. What is interesting is wondering what scouting reports other countries have on the U.S. team. Our guess:

Chipper Jones: Spends all his spare time at Hooters.
Roger Clemens: Don't worry; he'll end up switching teams halfway through the Classic anyway.
Alex Rodriguez: Has tendency to cry.

Of course, they'd be in Spanish, but you get the idea.

Classic Controversy [Baseball America]

We had always though of Selig as kind of goofball — sort of like Bill Gates without the brains. But when stuff like this happens, we get a clearer picture. Witness Selig's quote to the Associated Press concerning the sign incident:

I will tell you that I am as confident as ever, that someday, long after I m gone obviously, this will have been the first crucial step in the absolutely tremendous internationalization of this sport. At some point in life, you ve got to rise above your own selfish interest. If this sport is to go to the heights we have to do, you can t let your own myopic interest guide you.

And just then, a huge metal hatch opens above his head and we see a giant missile pointed toward the U.S. Yes, that is evil super genius monologuing if we've ever heard it. If the reporter had let his tape recorder run a little longer, we're certain we would have heard: "We're really not so different, are we Mr. Bond?"

Bud To Yanks: It's a Bad Sign [New York Daily News]

• The second batter of the game sacrifice bunting to move a runner to 2nd for Korea.
• A Korean guy injuring his shoulder on a head-first slide into 1st
• A Chinese shortstop swinging so hard at the ball that his helmet popped off

The rest of the write-up for the Day 1 action is, as they say, after the jump. I'm aware that we're a little behind on this, but the point isn't to actually update you on the outcome of the games, but give you a peek at the atmosphere and feel of the games. It sounds kind of awesome.

—--

So I got home late last night and decided to stay up to catch a little WBC action between Korea and Taiwan on tape delay (1:30 a.m.). Well, I couldn't turn away and it rolled right into the live action of Japan vs. China at 4:30 a.m. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it, so here are 5 quick things about each game.

GAME 1 Korea vs. Taiwan (Chinese-Taipei) Final: Korea 2 Taiwan 0

1. A New Game — Right off the bat (haha), you recognize Asian baseball and how it's played differently from the game over here. The first Korean batter reaches and then the second batter... bunts him to second. The second batter of the game! I think Billy Beane had an aneurysm at that moment. That, my friends, is small ball. Very interesting.

2. It Matters — The enthusiasm and effort of the players was fantastic. Korean clean-up batter Dong Joo Kim, who was noticeably more stout than most Korean players, hit a grounder to short with a man on 2B, and he nearly killed himself trying to beat it out. At full speed, he dove into first base head-first with what is probably one of the worst slides I've ever seen. Or course, he had to leave the game with an injured shoulder, but the effort was there, even if the technique and correct choice wasn't.

3. Prospects on Stage — Taiwanese relief pitcher Po-Hsuan Keng (a Single A Toronto Blue Jays prospect) gave a good account of himself going 2 innings and only giving up 1 walk and getting 1 strikeout. He showcased a plus curve with major bite that was fun to watch. Never would have seen him without the WBC.

4. Old Faces/New Places — Chan Ho Park closed out the 2-0 win for Korea, getting the save for Jae Seo. Maybe that's where Park should land to be worth anything in MLB again. He made it interesting though, getting bailed out by a great defensive play that saved a run and would have put the tying run in scoring position.

5. History — I'm glad I got to see the opening game of World Baseball Classic I. I love the carnival atmosphere of international competitions, and I swear (and it was confirmed on the Braves message board, bravesjournal.com) that there were faint Braves/FSU Tomahawk chants on several occasions. I don't know why. It was tough to make out anyway among the constant horns, drums, clapping and activity of the crowd. Very fun.

GAME 2 Japan vs. China Final: Japan 18 China 2

1. Double Vision — They've done it. The Japanese have cloned Tim Hudson! Japanese starter Koji Uehara has the exact same pitching delivery as the Braves ace. I mean, it was so uncanny that it took me all of one pitch to make the connection. He finished 5 innings with 6Ks and 0 BBs, giving up a 2-run HR and getting the win.

2. David v. Goliath — While the game was eventually called for mercy, it was a competitive 2-2 into the 5th. One of the more amusing early game moments was when Chinese captain SS Yufeng Zhang was so intent on getting the upset that his helmet came flying right off as he swung through a Uehara pitch in the 2nd inning. It went spinning off his head and he whirled around and caught it. I'm sure he had visions of sending that one through the Tokyo Dome roof.

3. Big Play — With two outs and Japan looking to add to a 2-0 lead, Japanese 2B Tsuyoshi Nishioka took a lead off first. Nishioka was a perfect 41 for 41 in stolen base attempts for Bobby Valentine's Japanese League champions. Everyone in the building knew he was going to steal, but China's not the most talented team and catcher is a difficult position for even MLB teams to fill. Sure enough, Nishioka took off. Chinese catcher Wei Wang fired a strike to 2B to nail Nishioka, ending the inning and the threat. Awesome.

4. Wei Wang is Way Right! — Making his bid for Player of the Game, Chinese C Wei Wang takes Uehara deep for a 2-run HR to tie the game at 2-2. It was the first homerun in WBC history (obviously).

5. Tsuyoshi Strikes Back — A half-inning later in the top of the 5th, Japanese 2B Tsuyoshi Nishioka gets redemption for his caught stealing, hitting a 3-run HR to put his team up for good. CF Kosuke Fukudome follows to make it back-to-back HRs and the rout is on. Well, it was fun while it lasted.

Anyway, I figured I'd enjoy seeing the Dominican's and Venezuelas and even the Cubas of the World Baseball Classic, but I was surprised how much I enjoyed watching teams made up largely of players I've never heard of.

The conventional wisdom in the U.S. about the WBC is that it's a waste of time, poorly organized, an injury risk and nothing but a money-making scheme, all of which are probably true but, ultimately, kind of beside the point. It is generally accepted that the event will be a much bigger deal outside the U.S. than it is here, and that makes sense, but we won't lie to you: For all its contrivance and artificial nature, we're still going to watch this and, frankly, we're kind of excited for it.

World Baseball Classic [MLB.com]
World Baseball Classic Is Anything But [Sportszilla]

A-Rod Tale a Classic [NY Post]

Yep, the nifty geometrical device that has made the month of March tolerable for decades can now be transferred to the WBC. It's a little complicated, and you'll probably have to come up with your own weird set of rules if you're going to have any kind of bracket pool, but it's a start. It's certainly more likely to get us to watch than the notion of seeing Roger Clemens throw 30 pitches is.

You can print out your own larger bracket copy after the jump or just by clicking here.

World Baseball Classic Office Pool [Game Four]

Seriously. According to the official rules, a game will be stopped after five innings when a team is up by 15 or more runs, and after seven when a team's up by more than 10. And it's not even each-team-bats either; even if it's in the middle of an inning, once that 10-run threshold is hit, game's over.

We're really not sure why they instituted this rule — Talking Baseball thinks it's so teams like The Netherlands don't humiliate themselves, though that still seems unfair for fans who paid full ticket price — but we like the idea that the WBC will have a Bad News Bears feel. We still hold out hope that Alex Rodriguez will join Cuba's team and pull a Kelly Leak. Though prettier.

WBC Now Resembles Little League [Talking Baseball]

As pointed out by XM MLB Chat, apparently David Ortiz told a Dominican newspaper that he's becoming increasingly concerned about the World Baseball Classic. He says — and we're using a Babelfish translator here, so bear with us — that after committing to play for the Dominican in the WBC, he hasn't heard much else about it. He doesn't know when he's supposed to show up, where he's supposed to go, when practice is, any of that. And he's starting to get concerned.

We've wondered about this as well; they just confirmed Thursday week the last of the eight teams. They gonna, like, run drills anytime soon? It's almost February, you know.

David Ortiz Es Electo Jugador Ofensivo Del A o [El Nacional] (via XM MLB Chat)

Fidel Castro: Hello?
Alex Rodriguez: Fidel? Hey, it's A-Rod. Alex Rodriguez. I play for the Yankees.
Castro: Yes, yes, Alex, hello. Did you get the cigars? I left them for you at Tommy's underground poker game. You are in deep to those people, yes?
A-Rod: I can't really talk about it, Fidel. That debt is why I have to carry around this teddy bear filled with heroin.
Castro: Yes. So how can I help you, Alex?
A-Rod: Well, I hear you're going to have a team in the World Baseball Classic.
Castro: Yes, it is an exciting day for my country and a victory over the fascist regime of President Bush.
A-Rod: Uh, yeah, well, anyway, I was kind of wondering if you had any extra roster spots on that team. I did some research, and apparently my great uncle knew a guy who once lived in Cuba for a couple of weeks. I'm thinking of joining your team.
Castro: That would be wonderful, yes; it would strike at the heart of our oppressors.
A-Rod: Sure. Can I play shortstop? I'd really like to play shortstop.
Castro: Yes, of course. You will be our cleanup hitter.
A-Rod: Excellent.
Castro: So, we shall see you in March?
A-Rod: Oh, no, I'm playing for the Dominican team, I think. Maybe. How much can you pay?
Castro: You will make the same as the rest of the team. This cohesiveness is for the greater good.
A-Rod: (click)

U.S. Approves Cuba For World Baseball Event [New York Times]

Newsday says that A-Rod, "after much deliberation," has decided to play for the U.S. team. But "after much deliberation" is being extremely kind. Just to remind you of the trip A-Rod took over the last month.

• December 14: A-Rod says he's "leaning toward" playing for the Dominican Republic.
• December 16: After reading the tea leaves, A-Rod says he won't play in the WBC at all because he doesn't want to disrespect either of his home countries.
• January 4: A-Rod says he's going to play in the WBC after all ... for the United States.
• January 10: A-Rod says again that he's not playing, but if he did, it would probably be for the Dominican.
• Yesterday: After being included on both teams' 60-man rosters — 60 men? Isn't that a lot? — A-Rod finally relents and says he'll play, and it will be for the United States.

You see, this is what happens when you give a professional athlete a choice that doesn't involve money: They just have no idea what to do with themselves.

A-Rod Chooses USA [Newsday]

In case you don't remember, A-Rod originally said he would play for the Dominican Republic team and, after he took some public hits for it, announced he wouldn't play in the Classic at all. Now he has changed his mind again, though at this point, it wouldn't surprise us if he's playing for Japan next month. ("You see, Alex," Scott Boras said, "have you seen that movie 'Lost In Translation?' The marketing opportunities will be tremendous! It's Suntory time!")

Seriously, think about this. Alex Rodriguez is an athlete who is so soulless, so inherently empty at his core, that he is focus grouping his own background.

Alex Rodriguez Now To Play In WBC For United States [Baseball Think Factory](via Baseball Musings)

MLB.com

A-Rod: I think people are going to be mad at me if I don't play for the U.S. team.
Scott Boras: Don't play for either. It'll make George happy anyway.
A-Rod: Yes, sir. Does this look OK?
Scott Boras: Not really. I told you that was a terrible applicator.

— Alex Rodriguez has decided to go back on his original proclamation and will now not be playing in the World Baseball Classic after all. He says he doesn't want to disrespect either one of his adopted countries, so he won't play for anyone (though we think it would be funny if you found a Japanese relative somewhere and played there).

We understand A-Rod's geographical confusion and understand that when you're making $25 million a year, it's important not to offend whole geopolitical regions. But we can't help but wonder if A-Rod (Boras) might have discovered the first loophole that allows a player to get out of reporting a month early for an exhibition event that offers no pay. The NBA players who skip the Olympics are accused of not being patriotic enough; A-Rod's fascinating spin on this is that he's too patriotic. Same result, different tactics. Just a thought.

The Neutral [NY Post]
A-Rod, The World's Free Agent [Deadspin]

[A-Rod] is not the only player who is suddenly displaying national pride none of us ever knew was there. Manny Ramirez is also apparently playing for the D.R. even though he made a huge deal out of becoming an American citizen a few years ago, with running out into left field at Fenway waving an American flag and everything. [Ed. Note: We completely forgot about this.] So I guess Manny just became a citized for the tax benefits? And Barry Zito is playing for Italy - wasn't Zito raised by a couple of hippies in Southern California?

Of course everything A-Rod does is scrutinized more intensely, and to a certian extent I'lla dmit he brings that upon himself (hell, as a lifelong Yankee fan I won't tell you I am completely in love with the guy either). But to be fair the only reason he's getting heat about his comments is because he's the only player so far that has been asked to justify his decision to play for someone else besides the U.S. Go ask Manny or Zito to explain their decisions.

Excellent points, all. We love the idea of Zito hanging out with the rest of the Italian team, with blonde streaks in his hair and a soul patch, asking the other pitchers where he can find some nice spots for surfing. And then they beat his ass.

A-Rod: The World's Free Agent [Deadspin]

(The woman in the picture there with Barry, by the way, is Carolyn Gross, a motivational speaker on issues of office time management and morale boosting techniques. In case you were wondering what those people looked like.)

(Update: Zito has decided to play for the U.S. Which kind of renders this whole post moot. But hey, we like Zito's shirt.)

But is A-Rod's (still not official) decision to play with the Dominican because of national pride, or as a way to honor his parents or his family? Heh. Come on. Did you forget who we were talking about here?

"The Latin teams are going to have a major advantage," Rodriguez told New York's WFAN. "I think that American team might take it more like an exhibition, and these guys are kind of playing for their religion down there, the pride of their country."

So, in other words, A-Rod is, essentially, forcing a trade to the team he perceives as the Yankees. Just out of curiosity: Has A-Rod even been to the Dominican?

A-Rod Has A World Of Choices [The Journal News]

But Sports Illustrated's Tom Verducci points out a pretty serious problem: Not only is FOX not telecasting any of the games — which is hardly a problem, though we like the idea of Tim McCarver trying to pronounce a bunch of Japanese names — but the title games won't get started until about 10 p.m. at night. Not to go all Phil Mushnick on you here, but 10 p.m.? Start time? We're gonna have to take a vacation just so we can watch these games in downtown Tokyo at noon.

Global Warming [SI.com]

(By the way, why are we hearing so much about the World Baseball Classic right now? Because tickets go on sale next week, of course!)