It's like the world's Super Bowl, except that the commercials won't be nearly as good.

Breaking with our habit of only live-blogging weekday games, we're live-blogging this one, because it's the final, you know? Kind of important. Who is entrusted with the big-time assignment? None other than That's On Point's Mike Cardillo, who has been one of our very favorite live bloggers and will surely rock it out this time. Besides, we thought it would be nice to save weekend fill-in AJ Daulerio the trouble of making fun of the sport. It's the World Cup Final! It's on!

Follow along in the comments and enjoy the game ... it's four more years until we get to do this again, so try to have a good time.

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Thanks for stopping by. Camoranesi was just sheared by his teammates. I think that means its time to go. Warning shameless plug coming, be sure to stop by my site. We'll recap and have some other fun stuff. Adios.

Man of the Match: Cannavaro. Brilliant on defense. Brilliant throughout the Cup.

I am spent. Phew. My grandfather is smiling somewhere. Enjoy this video, at least the music.

Not the way you want to end it, but Italy claims WM No. 4. Hero is, er, Grosso for making the dramatic shot. Goat is Zidane. Karma comes around for Trezeguet six years later, on a bigger stage.

Italy: Grosso — Good: ITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Oh the drama. If Italy makes this, it is over.

France: Sagnol — Good: Italy leads 4-3.
Italy: Del Piero — Good. Italy leads 4-2
France: Abidal — Good. Italy leads 3-2.
Italy: De Rossi — Good, Italy leads 3-1.
France: Trezeguet — Missed. Hit the inner half of the crossbar. 2-1 Italy.
Italy: Materazzi — Good. 2-1
France: Wiltord — Good. 1-1
Italy: Pirlo — Good. 1-0

The goalies hug. Awwwwww.

I have a bad feeling France wins and damnit, Barhtez is a hero. Merde.

PENALTY KICKS (with the Rocky Balboa theme music....should favor Italy, yes?)

120' — Wiltord breaks free, skies his cross well high of an on-rushing Trezeguet. Looks like kicks. Dammit!

119' — For all the American sportcasting talking heads, you want these guys to play forever? Look at the state of this game. These players are finished. This isn't baseball folks.

117' — Italy is done. They are going to be in trouble for kicks.

114' — Wow. How could Zidane lose his cool there? For all the media ready to diefy him, better hit the delete button. , Still Italy cannot capitalize.

111' — Italy needs to press. If France is able to manage to win without their talisman, I will be shocked. No Zidane, no Henry. Who would have thought.

109' — WOW. Zidane should have been sent off. A WWF headbutt on Matterazzi. Dirty. Unbelievable. Nearly as bad as the Rooney stomp. Blatant. ZIDANE IS OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The ref consulted the linesman and they got it right. Zidane has been prone to blow ups in big games. This is a terrible way for him to end, BUT he should have known better.

107' — Henry comes off for Wiltord. Fresh legs, plain and simple.

This is some tense stuff. I almost can't bear to watch. I really love to see some grayhaired sumbitch walk in and wonder where my Tiger Woods golf is? What's with this sawker crap?

EXTRA TIME 2

Thats it for extra time no. 1. Zidane probably should have scored on that header. Italy did not threaten. Will they have some 119th minute magic again?.... ABC shows a replay of Toni's disallowed goal. Hate to say it, but he looked onside.

104' — What do you know. I just type that and Zidane gets a free header on goal right from the penalty spot. Buffon gets his left hand on it to knock it away. Wow. .... on the CK Buffon comes off the line to punch it away. Brilliant stuff form the Italy No. 1.

102' — We can kill the ABC guys for their mispeaks and errors, but they are totally missing the point here. All DOB wants to yammer about is Zidane. The real story is how France has been able get forward on the wings to create chances. And lesso how Itlay has lost all its form.

100' — Wooooow. Ribery JUST wide of the right stick. France looks tres dangerous. .... France sub: Trezeguet for Ribery. Interesting. Will lightning strike twice for the Juventus-man?

99' — What is going on with Italy...they are just stading around in the midfield. Dig deep fellas.

97' — Toni cannot hold up the ball for Italy, his second bad turnover of extra time.

95' — Malouda collides with Gattuso. Leaves his feet before contact looking for a call. Still, Malouda has been awful dangerous tonight. ... and dammit, where's my Cialis. ...Golf tournament that is.

93' — France CK.....cleared easily by Italy.

91' — Can we all collectively pray that this doesn't go to kicks? yes?

EXTRA TIME.

92' — Ribery chips, Buffon handles. .... and that's it. Extra time.

89' — Italy playing, of all things, long balls. Not a good sign. Looks like were getting "overtimes" according to Davey Boy.

88' — Here it is, the Celo standby, "Italy looks tired." (They do...what happened to their midfield?)

86' — Del Piero on for Italy. Camoranesi comes off. Can he be the hero? (With his freshly shaved head, he looks a little bit too much like Vin Diesel for my liking.)

85' — Henry with another snaking run. Sends in the middle for Zidane....nothing doing.

83' — Long attempt from Sagnol. ... Zambrotta clears akwardly. ... France still controlling the run of play.

80' — Zidane sitting on the turf. He looks ok. Pointing to his shoulder. ... the stretcher comes out. Collison with Cannavaro. Zidane looks like he is really hurt. He walks off the field. Interesting turn of events. ... He's back on quickly. (Marcelo inferred that Zidance asked to be subbed. He knows all.)

78' — My brother with a great Marcelo impression. "You know its great whoever gets the trophy, because they won the game."

76' — Diarra with a yellow card. Elbowed Toni, gets the card for a personal favorite, "dissent." ... Italy FK. .... 40 yards, straight on goal. .... Pirlo takes it. ... Ripped it. Just wide of the left post.

75' —Zidane lines up a kick from the left side. ... sails too far for anyone to get a touch on. Yet, to Celo its, "a great ball" despire being five feet over everyone's head.

73' — Marcelo on the "magic spray" — "It's cold, so it numbs it up and numbs the pain." Is there a magic spray for my television volume? ... Let's compare Cannavaro to Marcelo, as a player. Cannavaro is "The Godfather." Marcelo is, "In the Army Now."

72' — A shot of former president Bill Clinton in a luxury box. I really don't know how to respond to that other than, wooooooo pig suey.

71' — Zidane freekick, knocked away with two hands by Buffon.

69' — Celo, "The best teams in the world have a mix between the old players and the young players."

65' — Italy looking better. Toni with a chance that is blocked....later a cross that's blocked. ... Cannavaro wins a ridicolous tackle. He was basically hunched over, best I've seen. ... Malouda's shot is wide.

63' — Henry with another quick strike. Buffon saves and parries the rebound away. Henry showed up tonight. The early headbutt must have woken him up.

62' — Italy looks like it scored, perfect header from Toni...but just offside. CLOSE CALL. Smart move on the quick restart.

61' — Diarra body slams Totti. Meanwhile De Rossi on for Totti (who did nothing) and Iaquinta for Perrotta (who did nothing also).

59' — Zizou chants in the stadium. Stevesie is there?

58' — Zidane winds up for a volley at the top of the box, blocked by Italy. Italy looks totally listless.

56' — Vieira is off. Big loss for France. Alou Diarra comes on. Didn't look that bad of an injury. This could really change things up.

55' — France is going for it. Malouda is terrorizing the left wing. He threads it across the box, but Ribery is too deep to control. ... Vieira cramping up. I really feel bad for the guy. The stretcher is out. You're a hardman, walk it off!

53' —France breaks out, led by Ribery. Centers to Zidane, feeds to a streaking Malouda. There is contact, Zambrotta clearly clips him and doesn't come near the ball, but no call. So we are even in that department.

52' — Henry open in the box. Cannavaro plucks it off his toe. What a duel these two are engaging in.

50' — Ok, take it back. Henry dances through the box. He slides it over and Italy clears for a corner. Good stuff at both ends. Call me crazy, but Italy is looking a little shaky again.

49' — Italy AGAIN threatens off a corner. Cannavaro with a flying header, blocked by Gallas. Toni lets the rebound fall, instead of going for the header. Odd.

48' — Malouda shoves down Zambrotta. To borrow an old UCB line, 'wouldn't you like to shove Henry Truman?" Man, I miss that show. At least we still have Crank Yankers.

46' — Henry breaksthrough, somehow keeps his balance and fires a shot right at Buffon. Henry's work is done for the night. Buffon taps Henry on the shoulder in a friendly gesture. MAYBE on ABC they'd like to mention they both played at Juventus together briefly. (Ok, they do eventually.)

Saw the Malouda "penalty" again. Get the man an Oscar. To borrow a wrestling term, great sell. The anti-Hulk Hogan.

Oh baby....Calista Flockhart returns to tv this fall. ... Jim McKay...is this the Johnny Cash, "Hurt" video. Yikes.

If you don't give my football back......

Halftime: Good stuff so far, even with the rather bogus France PK. We get a Jim McKay essay at halftime. Wheeeeeeeeee. I need to break. Hit the WC and get something to nosh on. Be back soon.

45+' — Informative. Placido Dominguez will perform during halftime. He must have a heavy heart with the health of fellow tenor Pavoratti. I guess eating ten plates of fetticini alfredo per week isn't good for the ol' ticker.

45' — Italy with a FK from 45+...nothing happening. Italy losing a little bit of its sharpness. ... and Vieira just called for a throw-in violation. Ha. .... We should have at least four minutes of stoppage time.

44' — Materazzi picks the ball clean off Ribery's toe on the touchline. Man, these Italians can tackle. ... Am I going to type this? I agree with Celo, where is Totti?

42' — Great line from a German newspaper on Toni, "He's built like a truck with a Ferrari engine."

41' — Shot of the crowd doing the wave. Damn Euros...they still love that stupid shit.

39' — Poor back pass from France. Toni almost sneaks in. Barthez kicks out of bounds.

36' — End-to-end stuff. Henry gets down in the box, but Cannavaro slides in to block it for a corner.

35' — Toni with a shot. ... leads to CK. ... Off the corner Toni with ANOTHER free header. Hits the crossbar. Should be 2-1. France cannot mark Italy on this set plays. They are living dangerously.

34' — Quick line on Ribery. French right wing leader Jean-Marie Le Pen, called out Domenech for including too many players of color on the French team. Thuram responded and shot him down. Long story short, Le Pen must be conflicted on Ribery, while he is white. he is also Muslim. Wait a second why am I wasting time talking about right wing assholes?

33' —Perrotta looks like he's been shot. Ribery with a side sweep, light attack button style from Street Fighter II. Ribery does have a scar like Sagat, afterall.

31' — Soft shot skies into the grip of Buffon. ... Wow. They showed Franz Beckenbauer on the screen and ACTUALLY idenitfied him. Cash in your life insurance policies.

30' — Just had to post this quote from Gattuso on guarding Zidane. "If you want to limit his effect you need a lot of luck and need to make the sign of the cross."

29' — Italy FK — blocked.

28' — Wow, Materazzi with another form header. It's blocked. A foul anyway.

27' — Game has settled down a little bit. Hard to say which team is fitter as the game progresses.

25' — Ribery gets behind the defense and centers. Tapped out by Italy. Henry, btw, trucked an Italian with no call. And Zidane has gone down twice without getting a call.

24' — Wow. Did you know that Jesse Owens won Olympic gold medals at this stadium. Way to earn your paycheck Dave O'Brien.

23' — Jesus, Materazzi has about as many tattoos as Allen Iverson. In the NBA we have neck tats. In world football, massive forearm tats. Again, Barthez just flapped at the header. France has gotten by with this goon this far, but he might just coast them in the end game.

21' — This game is turning into the "cracker." How is France going to generate any offense? Their last three goals have come from penalty kicks and set pieces. Meanwhile Italy is dominating possession.

19' — WE ARE TIED. Materazzi with a header off the corner. Belisma. Great service from Samuari Camoranesi. Vieira totally burned on the defense. Barthez no where to be found. 1-1. Goals. Who'd have thunk it John Feinstein?

18' — It's worth nothing Italy hasn't trailed in this tournament until now. France seems content to sit back and defend like they did against Portugal.

16' — First shot of Italian manager Marcello Lippi. Didn't he play Det. Frank Drebin?

14' — Italy free kick...Pirlo curls in. Thuram heads wide. Barthez was caught looking.

12' — Sagnol a yellow for a hard challenge. Quoth Celo, "It's a final. It's going to be a physical game." Brilliant.

11' — Celo raving over Zidane's near shank of a PK. This guy comes from another planet. He almost talks more than Hubie Brown, if that's possible.

9' — Ooooh. Italy looks rattled. Materazzi nearly headed it backward into the net. Buffon forced to stretch.

6' — Malouda takes a tumble in the box. Total flop. France gets a penalty. —— Zidane to take it. Hits the crossbar, rattles in, barely. Almost paid for the chip. 1-0 France. Drats. Considering the amount of flipping and flopping during this Cup its only fitting the first goal of the Final is a PK. Italy's check to the refs must not have cleared yet.

5' — Zambrotta yellow card for running into Vieira.

4' — Henry is back after some smelling salts.

2' — Henry is hurt. They have one of those old-timey ice bags. Cannavaro with the collision. Inadverent. Henry looks like he definitely got his bell rung rung rung. Henry comes off for the time being.
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PREGAME

Hello Internet.

You're looking (live) at the 73,000 seat Olympiastadion, the site of today's WM final between France and Italy. Upwards of one billion eyes may be trained on this game of all games in a sleepy Western Berlin neighborhood. (And upwards of dozens should be tuned into this live blog.)

Today's game brings an end to what will probably be considered a mediocore, to sub-par World Cup. Yes, the Group Stages provided plenty of exciting games, but few surprises aside from Ghana. The Knockout Phase has been a display of hunker-down, defensive 1-0 football. Fun for everyone!

Meanwhile, no individual player has jumped up and taken this Cup over by the short-and-curlies. Yes, Zidane's inspired run is a story most with a heart can get behind. (The legend riding off into the Marseille sunset with the Jules Rimet trophy.)

But let's be honest, he played great against Brasil and that's about it. Due to the lack of a dominant, driving force (Ronaldihno, how's life?) all the media is just eager to annoit him. Don't forget, he picked up his second yellow card way back against Korea and didn't play in Les Bleus' do-or-die match vs. Togo.

If we were to award the Golden Ball at this very moment my vote goes to Fabio Cannavaro. The pint-sized Caesar owns the penalty area and fortified a defense that has conceeded only one goal. Plus he's been paired with a revolving door of centre-backs, losing no quality in the process. (Although if Italy wins, watch Buffon win it.)

Despite what I wrote a few graphs ago, don't count out Zidane though, the man is probably the best player since Maradona and has a knack for coming up huge in the big game, both internationally and on the club level. (Let's see he's done the header and the left-foot volley thing. Perhaps he can score with his eyes closed.)

On paper this looks like a pure defensive struggle, but for some reason I think Italy should be able to score in a variety of different ways, while France is going to be hard pressed to breakdown the Italian "Senators" on the backline. Read more of my brilliant analysis here.

And most importantly, today is our last chance to mock Marcelo Balboa for his mangling of both the English language and the beautiful game.

Also of note, both teams wear a shade of blue — Italy, "The Azzurri"; France, "Les Bleus" — but today it will be Italy in blue. For today at least, France will have to be Les Blancs.

THE NITTY GRITTY

PREVIOUS FINALS: Italy — 1934 beat Czechslovakia 2-1 a.e.t.; 1938 beat Hungary 4-2; 1970 lost to Brasil 4-1; 1982 beat West Germany 3-1; 1994 lost to Brasil in PKs; France: 1998 beat Brasil 3-0

LEADING SCORERS: Italy — Luca Toni, 2 (nine other Italians have scored); France: Thierry Henry 3

GOALS ALLOWED: Italy 1, France 2

ROAD TO FINAL: Italy: Group E 1st: Beat Ghana 2-0; Drew USA 1-1; Beat Czech Republic 2-0; Round of 16: Beat Austraila 1-0; QF: Beat Ukraine 3-0; Semi: Beat Germany 2-0 a.e.t; France: Group G 2nd: Drew Switzerland 0-0; Drew Korea 1-1; Beat Togo 2-0; Round of 16: Beat Spain 3-1; QF: Beat Brasil 1-0; Semi: Beat Portugal 1-0

PREVIOUS MATCHUPS OF NOTE: France eliminated Italy in in the Quarterfinals of 1998 in penalty kicks. Two years later they struck a blow that might be the turning point in Italian football at the Euro 2000 Final. Italy led 1-0 at Rotterdam, only to see Wiltord tie it in the 90th minute, followed by a 103rd minute Golden Goal by Trezeguet. Watch it right here.

LINEUPS:

Leftback: Willy Sagnol
Centreback: William Gallas, Lilliam Thuram
Rightback: Eric Abidal

Leftwing: Franck Ribery
Defensive midfielder: Patrick Vieira, Claude Makelele
Rightwing: Flourent Malouda
Attacking midfielder: Zinadine Zidane

Forward: Thierry Henry

Goalkeeper: Gigi Buffon

Leftback: Fabio Grosso
Centrebacks: Fabio Cannavaro, Marco Materazzi
Rightback: Gianluca Zambrotta

Defensive midfielder: Gennaro Gattuso
Central midfielders: Simone Perotta, Andrea Pirlo
Attacking midfielders: Francesco Totti, Mauro Camoranesi

Forward: Luca Toni

PREDICTION: Italy 2, France 0

THE LAST WORD: "I have found myself appreciating this sport more than ever, during this tournament." — Mike Lupica, ESPN Sports Reporters. (Beware children, the end is nigh. He actually defended soccer againt John Feinstein's nonsensical argument. Yeah John, golf is sooooooooo action-packed and exciting.)

Oh, finally, if you want to pretend you're inside the stadium. Enjoy these these two videos.

It's France — a team that at one point was in danger of not even making the Round of 16 — vs. Portugal, a team that knocked out the English and got a Wayne Rooney ballstomp for its troubles. It should be a fiery crew; could we actually have an Italy-France final? What happens then?

Your live blogger today is Robert Weintraub, from Slate, and he should be rocking it out and having a grand time. This is our final weekday World Cup live blog, so bring your A-game, people, after the jump.

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That will do it for me—Around The Horn has appeared on screen, which is everyone's cue to exit. Thanks again to Will for the sitespace, and enjoy the Final everyone!!! (See you at tennis, Lorie).

For Portugal, Figo showed his age, Deco was taken out by Makelele, Pauleta was atrocious, and only Ronaldo was consistently dangerous, but there were no finishing touches. Off to the 3-4 match against the Germans, that should be fun to watch. I may finish weedwhacking instead.

To quote the immortal Henri (not Henry, but the cad from "Cheers"), "France Has Won!" To which Cliff replies, "There's something you don't hear everyday." Not the most exciting of games, frankly—felt at times like a March clash between mid-table squads. But all credit to Zidane—he scores the game's lone goal, and will play for his second Jules Rimet trophy on Sunday. It's Les Bleus against the Azzuri—my bet is on the team that wears blue. Italy has been the best team by far this tourney, but France has the look of destiny about them. My guess—Zidane scores the winner in extra time for the first real goal off Buffon, and walks off the pitch as a champeen—until he is talked into playing for Francais in South Africa 2010

Figo and Zidane unsurprisingly trade jerseys. Look for the ebay firesale tomorrow.

FRANCE HAS WON 1-0!!!! FRANCE V ITALY IN THE WORLD CUP FINAL.

94' Another Saha giveaway results in a through ball to Ronaldo, who is offsides, on the last play of the game.

94' Barthez out to snatch a good cross.

93' Corner punched out, to Ricardo, who is waaaaaaay up. he regains and wins another corner.

92' Superb play from Figo, leaves one for Deco, who sends one tantalizingly through the box, but no one at the far post.

91' Postiga nicely wins the ball in air and leaves for Meira, who has plenty of space but blasts well over. Best chance since Figo's botch.

91' Saha gives it away, and sulkily walks back on defense—he's been a nightmare in his few minutes of action. Fortunately for him Figo can't find Postiga.

90' Four minutes of stoppage time—can Portugal even get a shot away?

89' Not much urgency from the Portuguese—even Brazil turned it up in the last 10 minutes. Figo and Ronaldo seem out of gas. And Deco has been marked out of this one by the great Makelele.

88' More nice ZZ touches to keep the pressure off his goal.

88' The crowd lustily sings La Marsellaise—just like in Victory!!! Of course the announcers were yapping through it.

87' That was quick—Saha gets booked for a two leg pincer on Figo—Henry won't have to worry about subbed out in the final, as Saha won't be playing.

86' Zidane hasn't done much this half but now does some nice holding and possession.

85' Yep, Henry is off for Saha. Hope for Domenech's sake this doesn't go to extra time. Let's say it all together anyway—WHO IS ON FIRE?? HENRY IS ON FIRE!!! That's what this game is missing, some Cantona craziness.

84' Nice French buildup, but Sagnol mindlessly lumps one right at Ricardo. He in turn gives it away on the boot.

84' Figo just realized his World Cup career is done in about 10 minutes unless he does something, so he makes a nice run down the right and wins a corner. But guess what—it's a shitty one.

82' Carvalho gets a yellow for hacking down Wiltord—guess he did NOT get one earlier. Thought he did. Now he's out for the final, though that looks rather moot as the clock ticks.

82' Saha is up, does Domenech dare replace Henry?

80' Thuram fouls, setting up a free kick in a dangerous spot on the left. Figo's bender is cleared by Veiera's head. Carvalho collects and sends one way over.

77' Ronaldo gets taken down by Veiera for a free kick. He crushes it at Barthez, who volleyballs it up in the air for a gift rebound to Figo, who botches the sitting header. What a golden chance for the last remnant of the golden generation. But he blew it. It walloped off Barthez's chest before he could get his hands up, to be fair, that's how hard it was struck.

76' Big Phil is doing his best "C'mon lads!!" but to no effect. A nice cross sees some synchronized diving by Ronaldo and Postiga.

75' Postiga replaces Costinha, who struggled to check Zidane and Ribery. Postiga plays in the French league, for what it's worth.

73' Simao strips Zidane but can't find anyone on his cross. Ronaldo gets a nice flick and turn but no one gets it to him on the give and go.

72' Another sub, Govou replaces Ribery for defensive purposes, so long scarface, you had a decent game.

71' Ronaldo another run down the left, drawing three defenders, winning a corner. But again the service on the set piece is wanting.

71' Nuno Valente tries a speculative shot from the left that swerves on Barthez but he grabs it.

70' Wiltord comes in for Malouda, maybe he will jumpstart the French attack, but I doubt he'll make too many runs and leave gaps for Ronaldo and Figo to counter into.

69' Simao immediately tries a run but Sagnol won't have it—he has had a strong game.

67' Simao is up, likely in for Pauleta. Simao has had some nice moments, and going to more 4-4-2 seems mandatory right now—there is just no contact up front.

66' Pauleta ruins a nice switch of field by giving it the full scuba—barely breathed on and he flops like Vlade Divac.

64' JP acknowledges Ribery's mercurial behavior at club level—he's been on 6 different clubs. He's getting the full tonguebath from the media this month, and he has been excellent, but now you know why he isn't a bigger name.

63' France definitely has pulled it in a bit, looking for counterattacks. A long cross is picked off by Barthez, perfect opportunity for a runout and throw to Ribery, but Fabien doesn't go for it.

61' Now Abidal goes down from a Figo cross that catches him full in the mush. Meanwhile, Paulo Ferreira comes in for Miguel, another Chelsea man who can't get a game at the club but is here in the World Cup.

60' An hour in and Miguel can't continue—looks like he pulled something on that awkward end to a good run. Portugal wanted the foul, but I don't think so. They're playing with ten until a sub can get ready. Shocked he didn't go down and at least stop the game.

58' Pauleta backheels for cutting Miguel, put he had stumbled after a strong run. He looks very good, though—Valencia may not be able to keep him.

57' Cutaway of Aime Jacquet in the house, manager in '98 when France won the Cup. Probably rooting for Portugal—those guys are all egomaniacs.

56' Dangerous corner just headed away by Meira with Veiera lurking. Meira and Veiera—that rhymes! Alert your favorite Eurorapper.

54' Ronaldo another nice run earns a corner. Nothing in it and Ribery sprints down the left on a counter, gets it too Zidane, and he leaves it for Henry—who thought ZZ Top would shoot. So much for putting aside the differences—nice call Rob.

53' Pauleta gets it from Figo with his back to the goal, turns quickly, and fires—hits the side netting, but his first bit of positivity tonight.

52' Seeing Veiera make a nice tackle reminds me that the match-fixing scandal in Italy, harped on endlessly yesterday, is a factor here. Patrick made a timely move from Arsenal to Juve, what? Trezeguet and Thuram will likely be moving too.

49' Not much talk lately about how Zidane and Henry can't work together—they have worked out their differences (pitch and personal) for the good of le Rupublique. France has another goal in them, you can feel it. Portugal needs a break or some fab individual play to turn the tide.

47' Tentative start to the half broken by a turnover and a bit of magic from Henry, who gets a left-footer off that Ricardo just manages to parry for a corner. Veiera can't get to the corner but France regains, Zidane throws in a series of stepovers, and Ribery gets off a crack that stuns Ricardo but he manages to pop it up in the air and recover to grab it.

And we're back. Portugal needs to make some runs to link off Ronaldo and get something tangible going in the box. Maniche may need to drop back and work with Ronaldo in tandem.

Here comes Zidane, taking the stairs two at a time. He looks 20 again! Or is it 18! The final will feature a holographic image of Zizou, like that endlessly aired Adidas ad with the shimmering young Beckenbauer.

I despise the Home Run Derby as the worst the confluence of American culture and ESPN propaganda can generate, but any excuse to play the 1812 Overture is a good one. Seek out Peter O'Toole in "My Favorite Year", he sings it drunkenly in a classic moment from a great flick. Wait, this isn't Cinematical, it's Deadspin? My bad.

Ahhh, Big Game Brent, thank you so for gracing us with your golden pipes! Now I know this game is worth watching.

Did you know Zidane wanted to play for Algeria, but his genius coach at the time said he was too slow? Right there with the deep mind who cut Michael Jordan from his high school team. That Algerian coach is now listening to "Shema Yisrael" on an endless loop in a dungeon in Algiers.

Miami Vice movie ad—can't wait! I like how Michael Mann is promo'd as the "director of Collateral" and not the man behind the original TV series. Man, I'm old...

Say it together—ZIZOU!! He has the lone goal on a penalty earned by Henry. Looks like he wants the storybook win the World Cup and walk away finish to his brilliant career. Top 5 all-time, with Pele, Maradona, De Stefano, and Alexi Lalas? I think so. Good to see an Algerian getting some love in the west, post-September 11th. My friend Beth has fallen for the Galactico Primero Uno, putting his gleaming dome as her wallpaper, even though her husband properly identified him as an extra from the dock scenes in French Connection II.

By the way, it's Champs Elysees, not the retarded way I spelled it earlier.

HALFTIME 1-0 FRANCE

46' Again Harkes says Portugal doesn't need to complain—ever hear of the Scorpion and the Frog, John?

45' Ribery assaulted again with no call—he pops up like Gumby but can't make anything happen.

45' Solid Ribery turn, but his shot is blocked.

44' Well, Ronaldo has no confidence in his teammates—his run down the right draws a troika of Frenchmen, and Cristiano just blasts ineffectively wide.

43' Pauleta has been invisible—given the strength of Ronaldo's runs he needs to make himself available.

42' Figo comes over and clatters Zidane down just because he's jealous of Zizou's Jean-Luc Picard look.

41' Ribery splits two men on the right and gets taken down, but Gorgeous Jorge waves him up. Bad no call there.

39' Brilliant Ronaldo run results in a left footed shot that deflects out for a corner. See, he can be so dangerous when not bitching and moaning. Costinha fouls Barthez on the corner.

38' Thuram again a cool clearance—he heard my lashing about their weakness earlier.

37' Figo with a pair of crosses—good Thuram clearance, than Ronaldo with a spectacular two and a half with a twist, looking for a makeup penalty. No dice. Someone on the Portugal bench hurled a water bottle on the field. This is what I was talking about in the intro—their plaers are so gifted but they are just such babies.

34' Maniche tries a low skipper from 40 yards out that Barthez fumbles but collects.

33' Zidane will take it—-GOALGOALGOALGOALGOALGOALGOAL!!! Ricardo of course got a piece, but not enough as Zizou tucks it with power into the left corner. 1-0 Les Bleus, and they're going wild on the Champs D'Elysee and fancy hair salons across the globe.

32' HENRY GOES DOWN IN THE AREA—PENALTY IS CALLED!!! He tried to flick past Carvalho, who just barely clips him, but it was a foul. Carvalho now out for the final, if...

31' Miguel starts a nice counter attack, but Pauleta lets everyone in red down with an errant pass toward Maniche.

30' Harkes says no one likes to see diving—doesn't he know that Portugal practices it as much or more than free kicks?

29' Nice closeout by Fernando Meira to prevent an Henry shot but France has taken control of the action through Zizou and Ribery.

28' Henry abuses Miguel but can't get any power on a tight angle shot, and Ricardo swallows it easily.

27' Zidane taken down at the edge of the area, ref says he dove! Looked a little dubious, frankly. Jorge has been OK thus far—Sepp must have his family locked up in a Montevideo basement as insurance.

25' Shot of large throng at FanFest in Munich—nice to see Ze Germans are still into it after yesterday. By the way, don't you wish they showed the huge mob at the Berlin Fan Mile after the loss? Surely there was some classic German sentimentality going on, probably involving truncheons.

24' Good Portugal possession but Valente's ball into the box isn't good.

23' Harkes just seemed to confuse Arsenal with Man United, saying Veiera knows Ronaldo well from his prior home in North London. C'mon, don't get Balboan on us.

22' Sagnol looking crafty for a defender (converted midfielder I believe), makes some nice touches but then remembers who he is and loses it out of bounds.

21' Nuno Valente facetraps an Henry blast after a couple of nice moves.

20' France looks a little misshapen at the back, especially susceptible to runs from the wing across the middle. Take control, Makelele!

18' First Big Phil cutaway—thnk he knows the camera will find him? No bad words about him, though—anyone with that kind of whammy on the English deserves 'spect.

16' Barthez stops a Figo strike with a nice stretch. Speaking of stretch, on the follow through Figo crashes heavily into Veiera, and needs the ole stretcher. Natch, he's right back on his feet.

15' Portugal wins a corner but it goes over everyone, At least JP didn't call it an outswinger, which souunds vaguely camp.

14' Zidane's first bit of brilliance, a stepover gets the ball to Ribery, a cross comes in for Henry who can't reach it. He looks a step behind early here, but as all Arsenal fans know, he can look that way for 85 minutes than break the enemy's heart with a sniper strike.

12' Figo with a nice step by but Amidal recovers and tackles him with the toe from behind.

11' Nice start to this one, much better than England-Portugal. Not the relentless pace of yesterday's furious action but not bad.

10' Veiera giveaway results in a good cross by Figo. Sliding clearance by Thuram.

9' Maniche unleashes a cannon off a magical Ronaldo backheel. Just glances over the crossbar. Maniche has been consistently dangerous in the Cup, looks it again.

8' Mystifying clearance gives France the game's first corner—Zizou looks for Henry but too tall for him.

7' Already Portugal looks much brighter in attack with Deco running the show.

6' Ribery's first action—he's gotten a lot of positive notices due to his super pace. This cross finds no one home, though.

4' Ronaldo sets up Deco who tests Barthez with a grounder to the far post. Good save and a good walloff by Sagnol to prevent Ronaldo from banging in the rebound.

3' Ronaldo booed lustily the first time he touchs the rock.

2' Our referee tonight is the infamous Jorge Larrionda of Uruguay, whom might have last seen tossing out red cards like they were Junior Mints in the Italy-USA match.

1' Malouda with an early chance after a long ball to the left side of the box. Wide.

It's quite jarring to see Henry wearing number 12. His nickname is TH14, for Pierre's sake! Like seeing Gretzky wear 91 while playing in the Olympics. Can't he at least work one of those trades, like you see from time to time in the pros, wear a player deals some steaks or a nice watch or a couple of groupies in exchange for a favorite number? C'mon Saha, give up jersey!

Anthems for each side. Surely we can agree Le Marseillaise is the greatest one out there, non? Can't you just picture Claude Rains signing it at Rick's? Too bad the Germans lost—we could have replayed that great scene in our heads in entirety.

Since Brent Musberger (what the hell is HE doing there?) just compared Zidane to John Stockton on the pre-game show (because us igna'nt Americans can't appreciate anything unless it's related to a sport we understand), I'll do a reach of my own. Cristiano Ronaldo reminds me off—Ruy Faleiro. Who? He was a colleague of fabled Portugal native Ferdinand Magellan (original name—Fernao de Magelhaes). A brilliant astronomer and mapmaker who went a little bonzo before Magellan took off, and missed out on the famous voyage (probably saving his life). Today, he would just take meds for being bipolar. He reminds me of Ronaldo—ingenius but troubled.

Forgive me—I'm reading a book about the famous voyage called Over The Edge Of The World (highly recommended), so I may have a few 16th century references today.

Walkout time. Uh-oh, Ronaldo just winked at Zidane. Trouble brewing?

Portugal is officially wearing port red shirts and port red socks. Yet Les Bleus is wearing white. Confusing times.

Still catching a buzz from yesterday's Italy-Germany all-Axis thriller? Well, shake it off, because it's time for the second semifinal. The resurgent Frenchies, in the rare position of being more manly than their opponents, against Portugal, featuring a forward line of Louganis and Cousteau. Have I tipped my hand? Truth is, I was quite happy to witness the Portuguese see the Twits off, thanks to Don Logan, ah, I mean Wayne Rooney ("Sexy Beast", anyone?). "Yes, Roundtree!!!" he screamed, as he buried his boot in Carvalho's calvalhos. But now, any thinking fan will be pulling for the magical Zizou and the elegant Henry and the hideous Barthez to make it to Berlin, and a date with fellow battlefield pushovers Italy.

It's temptingly easy to crib the match down to Figo versus Zidane, midfield partners in Madrid for years, talismanic presences, two of the richest players ever. But the real key could be Deco, returned from suspension against England and playing superbly as playmaker in the middle, against Claude Makelele, defensive midfielder deluxe, who easily crushed Brazil's "Magic Circle" and made the tournament favorites look like a weekend rec league side. If Deco can succeed where Ronaldinho failed, Portugal has an excellent chance.

If it comes down to coaches, take "Big Phil" Scolari over Raymond "Rolaids" Domenech, if only for Scolari's Bill Parcells-like charismatic force.

Figo, Maniche, Ricardo, Nuno Valente, and Carvalho all carry yellows into the game, and with their cynical approach—diving, cheap shots, grabbing the ball, time wasting, anything to break the rhythm of the opponent—one and all are in jeopardy of missing the final even if they get past France. The Frogs can't be all casual-like—Thuram, Sagno, Saha, Veiera, the electric Ribery, and Zidane himself are all in yellowland. Wouldn't it be so sadly ironic if Zizou were to lead his team to the final in his last Cup, then miss it due to a pileup of yellows?

These two nations don't have much of a history against one another, save two European Championship clashes, also in the semis. Both went down to the end—in 2000, Zidane struck a penalty three minutes from a shootout to put France into the final (which they would win). Then there was Michel Platini's famous winner in extra time in 1984, again sending the French to the final, and victory (go watch it on youtube quickly before the game starts). Zidane was a ballboy during that match, amazingly enough.

So, it's the notorious floppers from Italy vs. the scrappy underdogs of Ukraine. The second of the four quarterfinals matches, and the one that's supposedly the biggest "on paper" mismatch of the quarterfinals. We won't lie: We're rooting for Ukraine. We suspect some of you are too.

Your live-bloggers are the fine folks from F.C. Camena, a soccer site that's much more studied and intelligent about these matters than we are. (It's a very fun site, actually.) It's Eusebio and pjdinho, and they may have "cameos from the other members of the team, weighing in with their observations as well." We are honored they wanted to be a part of this with us. Follow along in the comments, and enjoy all the Italiany-Urkainey goodness.

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And, of course, we want to say thank you to the good people at Deadspin. We're big fans and it was an honor and a privilege to hang out in your neck of the nape this afternoon to talk footy. Please do stop by F.C. Camena if you have moment and say hi. After all, it is the Greatest Football Club In The Entire World, Ever.

Forza Camena!

FULL TIME Italy 3-0 over Ukraine: We've conferred on two (2) coasts, and we agree that the player of the game is Signor Zambrotta — that was the kind of performance that lets the rest of the Italian team shine. Well done. And we will all begrudgingly tip our caps to the Italian side — whom we swore we would root against for the remainder of the tournament/ the rest of our lives after the game in K-Town — for playing impressively and handling themselves well. Maybe they have a little more karma than we all realized.

90'+ Luca Toni has made sure Ukraine sleeps with the fishes.

90': Ukraine can't be too disappointed about how the World Cup went. Sheva got to play on the big stage, officially checking himself out of the Ryan Giggs club, and they lost to a team that was clearly their superior (though we'll admit they did have their chances). Plenty to be proud of. I'm sure they'll be toasting their moral victory in Kiev!

89': One last bit of magic from Sheva in this World Cup... and it's called a dive. Good to see the ref is still taking this game seriously.

88': Did ESPN just show us the Telemundo feed of that friendly?

87': I'm pretty sure the last time the President of Ukraine attended a sporting event he suffered an assassination attempt. Let's hope he gets out of the AOL OK with nothing more than a few scrapes and bruises.

86': A header by Ukraine. BLAH.

84': Worst Ukraine meltdown since Chernobyl?

82': As a fan of whoever's playing Italy, I'll be supporting Germany in the semifinal matchup Tuesday. California Klinsy!!!!

79':Let's hope Sheva is involved with this set piece . . . and a solid blast punched away by Buffon. It hasn't hurt that Buffon is having an outstanding game

78': In case I forget to say it, this Italian team has been total class. The operatic gesticulations have been minimized, and they've actually played a free-flowing game.

75': Time for more fun facts. Did you know that the Bill James of football is Ukrainian? Professor Anatoly Zelentsov developed a complicated statistical system for both tactics and evaluation of footballers. This is the sort of thing I need to know a LOT more about.

75': Ukraine deserve at least a consolation goal.

71': And that was definitely the most Camena-like goal scored in the World Cup thus far.

70': Heckuva run from Zambrotta. That was well earned. I guess there's plenty of time for ill-advised tackles and spiteful cards from Ukraine.

69' Goal Italy 3-0.Zambrotta was covered by two defenders but Shovkovskiy still comes out unnecessarily and leaving his goal wide open for Toni to slot home.

69' And while the chances dwindle for Ukraine, the bottom line reminds me how much the Phils suck this year.

68': So lockdown mode means that Totti is going to have to keep running. Well well well. Mea culpa.

67': Oooh! Oooh! They're doing the White Stripes thing!

65' "Two knees collide." Samauri Camoranesi goes down _very_ easily at the top of the Ukraine box. No stretcher needed... as soon as play stops he's fine.

64' The Ukraine manager looks like he should be coaching the Red Army gymnastics team. Is that a tag hanging out the back of his tracksuit?

61': So we'll say that lockdown mode officially begins when they take Totti off the field?

60' Gusin with another header... off the crossbar! Maybe Ukraine are not finished yet!

60': Uh oh. The Italians grab another, off the dread short corner (note: short corner is typically only "dread" for the team taking it. But the Italians make it work, helped by a bit of confusion in the back for Ukraine. And by "confusion" I mean "they forgot to get goal-side of the 6'4" dude."

59' Sorry Ukraine. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL Italy. 2-0. Perhaps that great chance was still on their minds as they let the guard down for a quick, skillful header from Luca Toni.

58': Okay, Buffon is officially standing on his head. Ukraine probably should have finished one of those, but, well, if Buffon is going use his ninja skillz like that, there's not much to be done.

58' It's hotting up. Sheva is sent through on the right and unloads a shot which Buffon saves, bounces off Cannavaro's face, another shot from Ukraine, saved off the line from Zambrotta, and then finally cleared. That should give Ukraine a jump. Just a lucky bounce away from equalizing.

56' Tricky lob from Totti on a free kick just outside the Ukraine goal. Comes to nothing, but still draws praise from JP and C4L (Captain for Life Harkes)

55' Sheva & Ukraine are to Italy as LeBron & the Cavs are to the Pistons?

54': Just when you think that Ukraine and Sheva have a head of steam, Gattuso busts them up and send Italy the other way. Tighty-whiteys or not, Gattuso is exactly the sort of player who tends to be on successful teams.

53' Far better effort from Ukraine this half. Just need sharper timing on the runs in the box.

50' And unlike hockey, these nets do NOT come off their moorings. Ouch.

50' Off the corner kick, ball eventually finds its way to the back post where Gusin heads towards goal - and Buffon makes an amazing fingertip save and knocks his head into the post. That looks painful.

49' Ukraine run down the right wing, cross and a dangerous deflection for a corner kick

47' Right in the jacobs for Cannavaro. For once he has every reason to be down for a break. Very humble indeed, Harksey

According to the CIA Factbook: the sex trafficking of Ukrainian women is a serious problem that has only recently been addressed. So they've got that going for them, which is nice.

HALFTIME: pjdinho says: Ukraine are in big trouble. Expect a lot of falling down, time wasting and 10-men-behind-the-ball from Italy in the second half. Nothing plays into Italy's hands like an early goal. But... if anyone knows how to score against the Italians it's Sheva.

HALFTIME: Eusebio says: I guess we could say the game has gone to form, in that the heavy favorites are winning. The large swaths of ground in the Ukraine half do not bode well for keeping the Italians to one goal, but Italy have politely agreed to ease back on final passes and shots. The Italians have yet to go to lockdown mode, which is at least keeping it lively. (But we have to assume lockdown mode looms.)

45'+: Yes yes! The magic spray! Spray that ankle! Spray! The spray is good! The spray cures all! How come we've never seen this magical product on an American field? Is there some sort of FDA holdup? How is it that the MySpace generation hasn't made a party drug out of it? These are the things we need to know.

45' Ukraine not getting a ton of pressure down the middle. Looking for long balls to the wing but not getting on the end of them.

42':The singing in the stadium sounds great. I was extremely jealous of the Italian fans' songs during the USA-ITA game, especially when they did the White Stripes thing (the first couple bars from "Seven Nation Army"). We really should have thought of that first. On the flip side, we did do an excellent job deploying "America, $%&#; Yeah!" from Team America.

41' Little stumble from Buffon after a seemingly weak strike from Sheva. More where that came from.

40': Lovely through-ball from Totti...and then...errr...nothing. Wasteful. Still, those acres of space on the Ukraine side of the field do not bode well. This is exactly what Italy wants.

39' Officials doing a good job in this half. Not letting any crap dictate the flow.

36' Ukraine kits have a Wolverine from the 80s look. Or perhaps even LaSalle College High School. Dig it.

36': Did it really take until the 36th minute to mention the match fixing scandal? JP and Harkesey are not nearly as annoying (or erroneous) as Celo and O'Brien.

33': Tymoschuk with a shot from distance. "First real chance for Ukraine." But it was no more than a half-chance, as they say.

32': Someone needs to tells the Ukraine that they should play someone at the "defensive midfield" position.

32' Another nifty diagonal ball from Totti. Perotta receives, gets tackled and falls down. He's hurt. (Remember, he's Italian)

29' Extremely nifty flick from Totti. Generally speaking, it was a bummer he wasn't in form for this World Cup, if only because he's probably the most gifted Italian playmaker since the pony-tailed one.

28': Gattuso's back. For the avoidance of doubt, that was Gattuso in his underwear that was all over the billboards in Germany?

21'Ukraine 0 cards until tonight, and now 2 in the half. The Italian style of play rubbing off perhaps?

20' - A tactical substitution for the Ukraine. Striker Vorobey comes on for defender Sviderskiy, who just picked up a yellow. This seems a bit of a hasty change to announcers JP and Captain For Life John Harkes. But really, what has Ukraine done so far?

17' Free kick to Italy, 35-yard low line-drive shot by Totti is easily saved by Shovkovskiy

16': And we have our first card. I feel a lot better now.

14' - Nice ponytail Camoranesi

14'Gattuso is first in anguish. "My achin' back!"

13': First mention of legendary club Dynamo Kiev, which was essentially the Ukraine national team when the Soviets were running things. Fun fact: when the iron curtain fell, Dynamo Kiev secured a license to export nuclear weapons parts! Seriously. I read it in a book (Soccer Against the Enemy by Simon Kuper).

11': Someone tell Kalinichenko he stole Pavel Nedved's hair.

9':: Nifty cut through the center of the field by Perrotta, though he doesn't get the shot through. Errr, Ukraine really need to be closing down space in the center of the field.

6': Whoa. That was a TON of space 35 yards from the goal, well taken by Zambrotta. We'd like to believe that this won't rattle the Ukraine. Really, we would. But, errr, this isn't a good sign. Still, there's plenty of time to settle the match down. Let's see that fighting spirit, Sheva!

4' Camoranesi and his free-flowing locks with a run from midfield and a shot just wide. Goal kick.

2' First dive for the Italians, throw in for Italy

PREGAME: Pregame speeches about why discrimination is "bad" in "society." Charming. Though I would have preferred Mr. Cannavaro to share his thoughts on drunken Italian fans spitting their blood at otherwise charming Americans who happened to be sitting in the Italian section during Group Play. Not that we would know anything about that. Not at all. A time to make friends(tm)!

PREGAME: Ukraine's glory has not perished!

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Quarterfinal matchup from the AOL Arena ("You've Got Football!") in Hamburg. Italy (winners in Group E) vs. Ukraine (runners-up in Group H).

The most recent encounter between the two nations was a 0-0 June 2 draw in a friendly match in Switzerland as part of the build-up to Germany 2006. We'd like to promise this match will end up with something other than a scoreless draw and penalty kicks. But when Italian teams and Sheva are involved in big matches (2003 Champions Leagues final we're looking in your direction), it isn't always a free-flowing affair.

So far, Italy lead the tournament in disgraceful play. Italy manager Marcelo Lippi claim they will "aim to entertain." Note to Signor Lippi: Diving and faking injuries are NOT entertaining. Also, Signor Lippi has been going increasingly bonkers in his press conferences of late, but you really can't blame him when higher-ups in Italian soccer are mysteriously plummeting from windows in the midst of the tournament. Italy reached the quarters by beating Australia 1-0 on dubious penalty call in 94th minute. Today, three defenders are out of the lineup: Alessandro Nesta injured, Marco Materazzi and Daniele DeRossi meaning a start for Palermo's Andrea Barzagli. In fact, Italy seems to be fielding a defensive lineup of five midfielders and Luca Toni as a lone forward.

Ukraine are this tournament's surprise entry in the QFs - and not just because they have not received a card in any of their four matches (and good luck keeping up that streak this evening). They are led by captain and new Chelsea striker Andriy Shevchenko who has owned Italian defenders for the last 7 years while playing at AC Milan. Critics paint Ukraine as a one-man team, taking an overly defensive posture in their round-of-16 overtime session with Switzerland. Sheva dismisses such talk, and says they'll be taking the underdog approach: "We must try and play as a team, summing up all our reserves of fighting spirit to make up for our lack of technical ability." Hmmm, that sounds suspiciously like the F.C. Camena motto ("Camena: A tactical system of football/ soccer characterized by extreme fighting spirit, impassioned defense, opportunistic attacking, and a proclivity for petty revenge"); perhaps Sheva would like us to arrange a swap!

Therefore, we have Germany vs. Argentina, and it really should be a rockin' good time, yes.

Your live blogger, back from Germany, is Mike Cardillo of That's On Point, and you know that he knows his stuff. So swim the rivers of the comments, follow along after the jump, and let's try to keep it clean out there. If by "clean," you mean "FILTHY."

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That's it. Auf Wiedersehen.

Schwarz und Weiss!!!!!!!!!! (Check out that video. Here's the link again. )

It's getting ugly. A pushing match has broken out. Tears for Cambiasso. Too bad.

Argentina clammed up after thier goal. Credit Germany for grinding it out. The agony and the ectasy.

Time to "Stand Up for the Champions."

Wowzers. A tip of the cap Herr Lehmann.

Penalty Kicks....

Argentina: Cambiasso (SAVED) Germany wins 4-2 on PKs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Germany: Borowski (made) 4-2 ... Germany on the brink !!!!!! (Celo: He has to make this or its over....Duh)
Argentina: M. Rodriguez (made) 3-2
Germany: Podolski (made) 3-1
Argentina: Ayala (SAVED) 2-1
Germany: Ballack (made) 2-1
Argentina: Cruz (made) 1-1
Germany: Nueville (made) 1-0

(Hate to toot my own horn, but I did predict Germany wins 4-2 in kicks....which is good for absolutely nothing.)

My nerves are racing and I really don't care who wins....gotta love the World Cup.

PENALTY KICKS (Brough to you by AIG, official shirt sponsor of the Manchester Bucaneers.) — ....First some U2...odd......OH BABY —- I CAN HEAR IT. FOOTBALL'S COMING HOME. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Germany can't lose.

END EXTRA TIME: that's it. We're going to kicks. Both teams are 3-0 in WC history in PKs. Oh baby.

120' — Argetina with a good FK from Max-Rod...headed out by Ballack.

118' — Tevez roofs another shot. ... Ballack returns after a nice groin rubdown. (Marcelo said it, not me.)

116' — GErman with its best chance. Decent 1-2 with Borowski and Odonkor, Odonkor's shot is right at Franco. ... Ballack is down and out on the sideline getting treatment. He's done-zo. Get the man some fluids!

115' — Yellow on Friedrich for foul on Tevez at midfield. ... Wooooh....a long ranger from Sideshow Coloccini....nearly sneaks under the bar. In fact it hit the top of the bar.

114' — Sideshow Coloccini with a crack from 25....curves wide. Decent attempt.

113' — Should this go to kicks, big edge to Germany and Arsenal-man Lehman...eve with his Hasselhoff perm.

111' — Dave O' Brien seems to really be enjoying Extra Innings....er Extra Time. .... Argentina with a corner. ... over Lehman's net.

109' — Argie corner...headed out by Ballack.

108' — Don't forget the winner of this game is guaranteed two more games with the Third Place game going to the losers of the semifinals.

106' — I'll say again — Where is Diego Maradona? ... Tevez with a crack off the restart, saved easily by Lehman. .... For those three of you here to watch Paintball...you have to wait until 9 p.m. tonight. Ratfarts.

105' — Gonzalez with a blast wide, Argentina's best chance in OT....and we are done with the first half of extra time. Not much happening here. Both sides looked gassed.

103' — For a guy that lives in SoCal, Klinsmann's sideline attaire looks rather....accountant-like. Oh man...how could I forget the US Women's Open is this weekend. Best...event....ever....

102' — Corner for Germany....header by Metzelder sails high, after a collision.

101' — Germany's subs: Odonkor, Nueville and Borowski have certainly made a bigger impact than Cruz, Cambiasso and Franco, thus far.

99' — Ballack fakes getting elbowed in the face, but escapes getting carded.

96' — Yellow to Cruz on an elbow on Lahm. ... Odonkow with some slick work on the sideline. Klinsmann made a wise choice including the young Borussia Dortmund-man.

94' — The neck gash on Tevez is absolutely terrifying. It probably helps give him his edge...but he hasn't done anything since the first half. ... DOB: 'Why haven't we seen Messi yet?" MB: "Because they used all their subs." Brilliant.

91' — I'll say this, I'm glad they dumped the Golden Goal. Not exactly the fairest way to determine things in a game this important. .. Germany looks the stronger going forward, but they have to respect the Argetina counter attack. [I made a mistake, Argetina has used all its subs and we won't see Messi.]

END REGULATION — No matter how this one ends (PKs), you have the feeling both sides are going to be talking about it for quite some time. Not the greatest game, persay, but factor in the pedigree's on the teams in involved it should be an epic finish. How much gas will Argentina have left? Ayala and Maschero have each now played close to 480 minutes of football at the Cup.

90+' — Yellow to Odonkor for a challenge on Cambiasso. ... Argie FK from 40+, probably the last chance in regulation. Ballack heads out and that's it. EXXXTRA TIME.

90+' — Danger for Germany ... but Max-Rod's corner is harmless.

90' — Germany needs to hold some possession, otherwise Argentina might just snatch one up at the last second. ... We have FOUR minutes of stoppage time.

88' — Max-Rod picks up a yellow for diving in the box. ... You can hear the the collective gasp from the crowd each time the Argies break toward the box.

87' — Both teams are trying to go for it in regulation. ... Nueville comes on for Klose. Final change for Germany. Argentina has one in the bank.... Messi? Anyone?

83' — This ought to be some great stuff in the last knockings. It cannot be overstated, when Ballack is on point, the Germans are one of the world's best. .... Meanwhile Peckerman may come to rue those subs he made.

80' — GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALLLLLLLLLL. Great work from the Germans. Ballack sends in from the left, flicked by Borowski to Miroslav Klose, who buries the header. Fifth goal for Klose. GREAT STUFF. Borowski has really made a difference. Klinsmann pulls the strings. 1-1.

79' — Klose with a chance in the box but can't handle cleanly. .. . The Deutschland chants are getting louder.

78 ' — Where is Diego. Where? The bathroom? ... Crespo off, Inter's Julio Cruz in.

77' — Borowski with a shot. Franco saves cleanly. "He needs time to get into the game."

75' — Tevez commits a foul at the top of the box. Germany with ANOTHER chance. 20+ yards....Ballack lines up over it, along with Podolski. Blasted into the wall.

74' — Bifi off, Werner Bremen's Tim Borowski on for Germany.

73' — Maxi Rodriguez with a chance......wide of the net, barely. Balboa says Rodriguez (with about 1 second to think MUST go far post.)

72' — Riquelme comes off for Cambiasso. Purely defensive move. Could come back to hurt the Argies if Germany is able to equalize. Peckerman knows how to pull the strings, though.

69' — Germany lines up a freekick, yet Abbondanzieri is in major pain after a collision with Klose. He just collasped to the ground. Looks like Leo Franco has to come in. Franco playes for Athletico Madrid. Could be a huge break for Germany. ... Btw...Bifi takes the kick well high.

67' — Germany wins another corner. ... Nothing doing once again. There might be 20+ minutes left, but they arn't playing with much of a sense of urgency.

64' — CHANCE BLOWN! Abbondezieri whiffs coming out on a corner. The ball rolls loose right to Ballack. His attempt is blocked by Ayala's chest. Germany will rune that miss.

63' — The way Ballack is paying its like he's being bogged down by whatever grease he puts into that lush black mane of his.

61' — David Odonko is readying to come in. Remember he had an assist in the 1-0 win over Poland two weeks ago. Will will see Oliver Nueville too? The Germans could use his craftiness. ... SCHNEIDER off ODONKOR on.

60' — Yellow to Maschero. Germans with a great oppurtunity right outside the box on the rightside. Podolski takes it ... skies it well wide and high. Landon Donovan would be proud.

59' — If this result holds up, I would not want to be Jurgen Klinsmann. The knives will be out. The Germans want to keep the party going another week. (Although I would take the Bakers Son to coach the USA.)

57' — Ballack with a chance, but loses the ball again.

50' — Germany trails for the first time in this tournament. The classic German atrribute is that they never stop working and can come back at any time. Considering how Argentina plays, the Germans still have a chance here. The game HAS to open up now. Paging Herr Ballack.

49' — Argentina corner...GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL., Roberto Ayala. Header off the coner. (Dave O'Brien said it was Lucho Gonzalez. Well done.) Lehman, no chance. Perfect ball from Riquelme.

47' — Podolski takes a free kick, that the Argentine keeper comes out to catch.

46' — Man, I could go for a nice plate of Currywurst or a Donner Kebab right now. The players look like they are bogged some with pig intestines. ... Sorin booked on a challenge of Friedrich. He'll miss the next match, should Argentina win.

Pre-second half: Will Germany be content to let this go to penalty kicks? They have to try something offensively. ... When will Argentina unleash Messi? But with Crespo and Tevez do they even have to?

(Hate the way ESPN is covering the Cup? Well everyone's favorite Ombudesman, George Soloman checks in.)

HALFTIME — Want some entertainment from the Germans? Click here. I need to collect myself, maybe eat a sandwich and take an advil after 'Celo's work.

45+ — Schweinsteiger takes a free kick. Argentina clears it. And thankfully that puts an end to this underwhelming display.

43' — Again, 'Celo is from another planet, calling the Argentina/Holland game one of the best he's seen. Personally I thought it was pretty dull, especially at the end since neither team really seemed to care if they won or lost. ... I don't mean to pile on, but it's painful to listen to. And I think O'Brien mixed up the Argentine schdule, saying they played Serbia first. Whatever. Maybe I'm just ranting here because this game has been so dull. We need a goal quick to make the teams come out of their shell.

42' — Wow, it took this long before O'Brien mentioned the weather. Shocking.

39' — FOUR Germans are needed to strip Tevez at the top of the penalty box. Its only a matter of time before I squeaks past one of the German oaks in the back.

37' — You think O'Brien would like to take back saying that, "German came out blitzing Sweden the first 20 minutes.'"

35' — Typical for soccer. Build up a game to be a classic and of course it turns out to be schizer. (Though as I learned in Germany, shit is shit.)

34' — Argentina free kick, nothing happening.

33' — 'Celo is giving a lecture to Lahm on how to cross the ball. Yep, I distinctly remember you 'Celo, as a defender making numerous crosses during your tenure with the USMNT. ... Lahm, it should be noted is wearing a Lex Luther (the wrestler) style wrapping on his 'bionic' elbow.

30' — A quick word on Bastian 'Bifi' Schweinsteiger. First, his name means, 'pig climber.' Second, his haircut is nothing short of awful. Basically taking a razor and zig-zagging it across, sort of like a mohawk, but not. However this makes him fashionable in German. Last, he endorsed the German version of Slim Jim, 'Bifi.' However instead of a indescriminant brown mish-mash of processed pork endtrails, the Bibi looks like a shriveled up....figure it out.

28' — Podolski with another dumb foul, though it's not going to hurt his 'Q' rating with the German teenie population, who simply can't get enough of 'Poldi'.

26' — Not much going on here. Nerves seem to be at play, both teams appear to be playing not to lose, rather than to win. Of course there are still 65 minutes (plus ET) of football to go.

23' — Our first mention of hte 1936 Olympics. ... Also, we haven't seen a shot of Diego Maradon yet. I would have set the bar at at least four shots of the Argentine icon.

21' — Maybe it's me (or the ESPN mics) but the German crowd sounds very subdued. I guess that old stereotype of Germans being joyless and stern has found its way into Berlin. It's odd because when I was in Germany, the hosts were very jubliant. Flags everywhere. Even the cops got into the fun. ... However in a game this important, its understanble that the crowd is a little tense. Still, seems quiet.

18' — Mertesacker with a shot (after a free kick) that sails well high. ... Tevez nutmegs a German defender and sends it into Sorin. Argies get a corner. Nothing comes from the corner, though Sorin had a free header.

16' — Ballack with a patented run into the box. Takes the flick from Schneider, but puts the header wide. Great chance missed.

15' — Tevez, though just 5-foot-8, is a beast. And in what no doubt rankles many Brasilains, is the best player in their league now with Corithnians. You just wonder, do they pay him enough so it doesn't look like he just spent the night sleeping under a bridge.

13' — Balboa has just talked for about a minute without taking a breath. Something about Argentina players doing the tango. ... Is it just me or does Argentina not nearly look as intimidating in the dark blue kit?

9' — I will conceed that Dave O'Brien has gotten marginally better as the tournament has progressed. Yet Balboa just won't shut up. He takes eons to get his point across. Each play doesn't need a two-minute rambling, incoherent babble. Trying to stay calm.

7' — Germany lines up a FK from 35. Podolski puts it on target, Abbondazieri muffs, but quickly covers up the rebound.

6' — Lahm sneaks up and sets up Ballack from 25 yards. Ballack, who stars in a commerical that airs during each and every Cup game in Deutschland, where he hails a cab for tourists — is stripped of the ball before he can muster a crack.

4' — Our first, of what should be many yellow cards. Lucas Podolski on a silly challenge. Over/under on yellow cards today is eight.

2' — Argentina gets its first chance, a free kick from about 45 yards. Riquelme takes it. And......foul on Argentina.

Disclaimer: We are going to try to lay off the ESPN announcers. Emphasis on try. I rewatched USA.Italy last night any Davey Boy O'Brien said that Italy defeated the hosts to win the 1982 World Cup in Spain. Um no Dave, West Germany did not host the tournament in Espana. (I set the over under on 15 minutes before I go over to Univision.)

Pregame: We just had the captains — Michael Ballack and Juan Pablo Sorin — read something to the crowd. As expected ESPN didn't bother to translate the German or Spanish or offer any idea to what they said. Maybe something about a discount at 'OBI' the German equal of Home Depot , with used match ticket.

Scanning the German team during their National Anthem, I notice neary a moustache resting on the lips on Der Mannschaft, which was the calling card of Rudi Voeller, et al in 1990. Oh right, bad perms too.

Guten tag Internet.

You're looking (live) at the 73,000 seat Olympiastadion in Berlin. Opened in 1936, it hosted the summer Olympics that year.

Most famously Jesse Owens won a ton of gold medals, sticking a great big American up-yours to Hitler. (Expect ESPN's Dave O'Brien to mention this fact at least three times today, likely during a goal.)

Today's first quarterfinal is a whopper of a match-up, pitting three-time winners Germany, the hosts, vs. two-time winners Argentina. The sides met in consecutive World Cup finals in 1986 and 1990. Argentina prevailed 3-2 in front of 114,570 in Mexico City. Der Mannschaft earned revenge, Tuetonic style four years later when they ousted the Albicelestes 1-0 in Rome. The 1990 affair will be remembered for two things — 1. it is widely regarded as the worst WC final, as the lone goal in a foul-filled affair came via a Andreas Brehme 84th minute spot kick. 2. it is the first WC cup I can remember watching.

Overall Germany (and as West Germany) owns a 2-1-1 edge vs. Argentina in World Cup play.

The squads last met in the group stage of the 2005 Confederations Cup, drawing 2-2.

That's enough of a history lesson for today. Regardless of the combantant's pedigree's, this is a mouth watering matchup, worthy of a final let alone a quarterfinal.

Consider:

* Although they haven't played anyone you'd necessarily classify as 'good' or even 'slightly mediocore' Germany is 4-0-0 thus far. Argentina is 3-0-1, with their tie coming a rather meaningless Group C encounter with the Netherlands, after each team had already booked passage into the second round.

* Each team has scored 10 goals, conceeding just two.

* German striker Miroslav Klose leads all scores with four tallies. Meanwhile Hernan Crespo and Maxi Rodriguez each have three, as does Lucas Podolski for Germany.

* Argentine playmaker Juan Roman Riquelme and German midfielder Bastian 'Bifi' Schweinsteiger each have three assists to co-lead the tournament. (Riquelme also has the most touches at the tournament.)

* Both teams are hated by the English, for varying reasons.

Lineups:

Germany

GK: Jens Lehman
Def: Philip Lahm/Christoph Metzelder/Per Mertesacker/Arne Friedrich
Mid: Bernd Schneider/Torsten Frings/Michael Ballack/Bastian Schweinsteiger
For: Miroslav Klose/Lucas Podolski

Argentina

GK: Roberto Abbondanzieri
Def: Juan Pablo Sorin/Fabricio Coloccini/Gabriel Hinze/Roberto Ayala
Mid: Javier Mascherano/Juan Roman Riquelme/Maxi Rodriguez/Luis Gonzalez
For: Hernan Crespo/Carlos Tevez

Players to watch:

Germany — Metzelder/Mertesacker (will be under constant pressure from skilled attackers all day); Ballack (Germany's best player has yet to leave his stamp on the tournament); Frings (battle vs. Riquelme is worth keeping an eye on)

Argentina — Crespo (scored in his last four WC games); Tevez (gets the start over Javier Saviola and Lionel Messi)

That's enough of my yapping.

Get comfortable, this one has penalty kicks written all over it.

Prediction: Germany 2, Argentina 2 (Germany wins 4-2 in PKs)

Anyway, it's Spain vs. France, in the final quarterfinals matchup and last World Cup game until Friday. (Whew.) Group G has already lost Switzerland; will France be the next to go?

Your live-blogger is Martha Fischer, from the exemplary movie blog Cinematical. (We're hoping by having her live blog here, we'll be able to talk her into letting us review the new Woody Allen movie for her site.) Play with us in the comments, and see how Flamenco does against Joe.

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Thanks for reading/watching with me folks — East Coasters, it's happy hour time! The rest of you? Back to work! And go see Once in a Lifetime.

And there it is — France 3, Spain 1. That second half was impressive enough to make everyone suddenly eager for a Brazil-France matchup. Wow, what a freaking goal by France at the end. Oh yeah — so that's what they used to do.

Stoppage time: We're seconds from the whistle now.

Stoppage time: OH MY LOVELY ZIZOU! GOOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!! Now that was fucking gorgeous football, like France of 1998. Jesus. Ball picked up farside by Makelele (?), played to Wiltord in the middle, one touch out wide to Zidane who is in alone. He slows down, cuts inside to beat Puyol, and slots it home between Casillas and the on-rushing Spanish defender. Gor. Fucking. Geous.

Stoppage time: Zidane randomly gets a card for pretty much no reason, but it's near midfield so the kick is harmless. 2 minutes. Long Spanish passes headed back out; France looks strong at the back.

90th minute: Ball being knocked back and forth in the midfield; no one can get possession, so Barthez just kicks it out of bounds. It's nice how some things never change. Long pass in by Spain, but Luis Garcias smacks Thuram on the way out, and it's a French kick out. Spain need to get upfield now; 2:30 left in stoppage time.

89th minute: Spanish corner headed out by Zidane; here comes another. That one went deep and was headed back in by Torres. Barthez, for once, was brave in a non-stupid way and got both the ball and fouled; France coming out.

88th minute: Wiltord for Henry. Spanish free kick from straight on, punched 80 miles by Barthez. Spain keep it and are putting a hell of a lot of pressure on France, who look frantic right now.

87th minute: Not much time left for Spain now. Apart from Gallas' emergency balls treatment, there's not going to be much stoppage time. Yellow card to Ribery for time-wasting.

85th minute: Dangerous-ass cross from Joaquin from the far side, headed out for a Spanish corner that comes to nothing. Jesus this is stressful, and I don't even care who wins.

84th minute: It actually went off Ramos' thigh — he was flying over the deflect it out and it went off him into the side netting (the inside, this time). Certainly not an own goal, though — that was all Vieira.

84th minute: GOOOOOAAAAAAALLL!!!!! GOAL GOAL GOAL! Off the dubious free kick won by Henry's acting! Zidane lifts it up nicely, laying it into the box from about 40 yards out on the near side. The first touch knocked it up, and it fell to Vieria on the far side post, who headed it right into the goal. GOAL GOAL GOAL! His teammate then dive on him and try to crush him to death. And we see a French fan in a pink bunny suit.

82nd minute: Freaking wow. Ribery sneaks the ball off the Spanish foot and plays it into space on the right for Henry, who runs his legs off to get close enough to Puyol to act like he got elbowed in the nose, thus winning a free kick and a card for Puyol. I love Ribery, rat-like though he may be.

81st minute: Another freaking piece of brilliance by Ribery. He beats two men and then lays it off to Govou for a shot (which goes over).

80th minute: Joaquin cuts it back to his right foot on the far side and rips a shot into the side netting. The outside of it, I mean. Ouch. Gallas took a ripped shot RIGHT off the balls. He's being strapped to the stretcher, guys. I think they might have been pushed back inside by the force of that shot.

77th minute: Sagnol kicks a Spaniard with much cynical glee; Spain free kick on the nearside, albeit from about 50 yards out. Damn, Alonso whipped that in — Barthez, you know they're testing your ass. Cleared out for a Spanish corner. Again with the flapping by Barthez, he's on the ground, but the ball is somehow cleared out. It ends up at Spain's feet, though. Sergio Ramos pulls a serious dive, and is actually NOT rewarded with a free kick. Go Italy!

75th minute: Govou for Malouda for France. Aragones still whining about that non-foul on Torres. Perhaps there's a misunderstanding, and he's trying to tell Torres to dive better.

75th minute: Italy just went over and told Aragones to shutthefuckup, albeit not in those words. No lie. They actually made him sit down. Ha ha.

73rd minute: Makelele just dribbled away from Torres who, virtually untouched, falls down, clutching his nose. Where has that guy been all game, anyway? Quit your whining and play, Mr. Spikey Hair.

72nd minute: Spain makes their final change, subbing Senna for Xavi. No Reyes for me. Sniff.

71st minute: Better from Spain. They're keeping it, albeit entirely in their own end. Finally it's knocked long, which results in a throw-in. Whoa. Given away to Malouda who's off, flying down the right side of the field with Henry making a run in the middle for him. There's a nice trailing run from someone — Vieria? — but the ball is played waaaaay too late, and Casillas heads it out. Still France's ball.

69th minute: Henry is in his deck chair, just hanging out offside. JP informs us that's his 402th offense of the tournament.

68th minute: Vieria Vieria Veiria whacks Febregas and gets the game's first card. That's more like it, Patrick. Luis Garcis gets his head on a cross and knocks it down; the dangrous bounce is "deflected over the bar" for a corner. (It should be a goal kick out.) GREAT, spot-bound corner from Xavi, Barthez flops at it, but someone else clears the danger.

67th minute: Steal by Abidal; another good sustained attack by France, ended by a giveaway — but Makelele won it right back. France are now pushed much further up, pressuring the ball at midfield, with their backs also stepping way up the field. Everything about them is attack-minded and confident. Be afraid, Spain. Be very afraid.

64th minute: This is really good from France. They're trapping out wide, and Spain's midfielders never have clear looks, or the space they need to find feet. Most of the French counter attacks now lead to shots (albeit optimistic ones); they're not longer just lumping it for Henry.

63rd minute: France are getting tougher and more confident by the minute; it feels like Spain needs a goal soon, or they're just not going to get another one.

62nd minute: Sergio Ramos maybe lucky not to get a card there; Zidane's corner is headed for Henry at the top of the box, but it's deflected away. No worries, though, here comes another one. That's better — whipped in by Zidane, punched away pretty confidently by Casillas, but the pace on that one alone made it dangerous.

61st minute: France are pressuring Spain more now; it's much harder for them to keep possession, and the passes are harder to find. Could the ancient French be shaking off a bit of rust?

58th minute: Uh oh, it's getting testy. A Spanish player went down easily, and no foul was called; seconds later France got a call, which resulted in much rueful finger-wagging on the part of the Spaniards. OHH Ribery just effortlessly turned the corner on Pernia and his cross was just barely deflected out. I don't know about you people, but I'm very impressed by this Ribery fellow, 8-Miler though he is.

57th minute: Here come Spain again, foiled by a dodgy offside call by the far official. Aragones is trying to remember the Spanish for "Greasy-haired, sister-buggering linesman."

56th minute: Harkes to Zidane: "Fill me with your little babies!" (Points and much respect to anyone who gets the movie reference.)

55th minute: Whoa. Pernia just had a Red Bull, he's all over the place, shooting from everywhere and launching himself through the air at assorted frightened Frenchmen. Eventually Italy regains control; French kick coming out.

54th minute: Joaquin for David Villa; Luis Garcia for Raul.

53rd minute: Now it's Spain's turn to scramble, France has it deep and Spain is unsettled, but they clear it all the way out and eventually get it to Barthez, which is always always good for the opposition. He kicks it out.

52nd minute: I have no idea how that wasn't off, but Zidane just chipped it over the top to Malouda who timed his run perfectly and sort of lobbed it from the top of the box towards goal; Casillas dove and tipped it away. Spain countered right away but got nothing.

49th minute: Spain's had the better of the play for the first 5 minutes here, keeping it well. When France breaks up their possession, it tends to be with clearing balls rather than passes. And, just as I type that, France put together an attack down the near side, but Henry ends up giving it away harmlessly.

49th minute: I love Puyol's hair. Put that guy in a 1970s keeper jersey, and he's a sitcom all by himself.

48th minute: Now it's Pablo's turn to lie on the ground. Though he's not Italian either, he's pretending. A cleated foot came near his side and he decided to take a little rest because of it.

47th minute: Henry, offside again. In other news, the Pope is Catholic.

46th minute: Doesn't look like there were any changes to either team. Makelele was just surrounded by 3 Spanish players and managed to commit a foul. That right there is a badass, my friends. Plus, he has the best name in creation — say it with me. "Makelele."

Finally: Game time. Hey, racist turd — I want my Reyes. Please.

So, do Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp finally confess their love in the new POTC movie? Is gay love what's in the Dead Man's Chest?

I suck at this halftime entertainment thing — and today I don't even have Julie Foudy to make fun of. Perhaps I'll take this time to talk about the rest of the tournament: I would like to say that the Portugal-Holland game was the most horrific, awful, awesome thing I've ever seen. I became a Portugal fan when I was over there for the Euros in 2004, and during that whole second half I couldn't decide if I wanted to shoot myself at the horror of the cynicism on display or kiss them all for being so heroic. Well, that's not true. I always want to kiss Figo, but that's my own issue and has nothing to do with the game.

Also, England are going to start playing, and I fear it will be against Portugal. Of course, if that means we get another classic that ends in sudden death PKs, I suppose I'll be ok with that.

Here it is, the Skinny Ronaldo ad! Check out the quickness in the Inter shot — goddamn. Who is that guy?

And the misspelling "Vieria"? Totally intentional, silver lining. We got a memo. For you, though, I'll disobey and try to get it "right" for the whole second half.

AND Half. Well, that was exciting. France seem to have decided to play, at least a little bit. If by "play" you mean "emulate England and blast the ball long, looking for that one dude up top who is getting more and more angry at our inability to get the ball to his feet."

45th minute: Well, that woke the game up. It's end-to-end now, with France still blasting everything long, looking for Henry and Spain keeping busy around the French box, but rarely threatening.

42nd minute: Weak penalty call from Spain. Stop that nonsense whistling.

42nd minute: Wow, this is Ribery's seventh game ever for France? Jesus. He can't possibly always be this good.

41st minute: GOOOOAAAAALLL FRANCE! Guess who: Ribery, in alone beats Casillas and then slots it between the keeper and the two trailing defenders. Off a great ball from Viera (there he is!) who ignored the wildly offside Henry and played it back to his right for Ribery. Mmm ... passive offside.

40th minute: Another good build-up from Spain. When they attack, it's always with numbers. France, meanwhile, are consistently hitting it long, expecting Henry to a)stay on, b)get the ball, and c)go 1 on many to score. There's no support and no build-up.

38th minute: Zidane bends the kick in nicely, but no one can get a head to it and Casillas grabs it with no problem. France win it right back but the long ball fails, since Henry is like a full yard offside. Harkes reminds us that he's a "world class player." You don't say.

37th minute: Every time France give it away, Spain come flying back into their teeth. I know it's just a style thing and all, but damn France look old. Ooooh dirty. Zidane just kicked Xabi Alonso well after the play and put his hands up so no one would notice. Dude, even Italy saw. Don't try to fool the foolers. No card, though, because he's French. And then Viera dives, and gets a free kick in a dangerous spot, 40 yards out on the near side.

36th minute: If Spain's back four slip even for a second, it won't matter how much control they have, because Henry will be in alone — he was just offside for about the 10th time. Actually, wait. I'm talking about Henry. Ok, if the back four slip for a second, like, five times, they might be in trouble.

34th minute: Great. Now that Ronaldo is scoring, we're talking about the fact that the poor fatty has a sinus infection. He's a hero, not a slug. Get it right, people — didn't you get the memo?

33rd minute: Viera sighting! He touched the ball! Granted, he almost gave it away, but still. Baby steps. Pernia is pretending to be hurt. He's fine. I'd like all of you to notice that he's NOT Italian, and yet is still lying on the ground. Other people do it too, you know.

31st minute: Another Spanish corner. The clearance falls right to Fabregas, but he takes too long and ends up dribbling it at Barthez.

30th minute: Here's a surprise: JP is telling us that teams that score first have won more games in this World Cup. You don't say! Now, where have a I heard that before .... ?

30th minute: HA! Literally 4 French players were just offside. Oops.

28th minute: David Villa to the spot. JP informs us that Spain has "never missed a World Cup Spain." Thanks, JP. He hits it hard and low to Barthez's right and GOOOOAAAAL! It sounded like Barthez got a piece of it, but it wasn't enough. 1-0 Spain, and you can't say it's not deserved. Or rather you can, but I won't.

27th minute: And as soon as I say France is better, Spain get a corner. OOOH PENALTY. PENALTY PENALTY PENALTY. Zidane is calmly talking to Italy, quite sure that his fame and composure will change the man's mind. Dream on, Zizou. Without the replay, it looks like a reasonable call — a push in Pablo's back by Thuram with his left shoulder when the former is going after the ball. I dunno. It's the sort of thing that makes sense when it's your team that goes to the spot, but an outrage when it goes against you.

25th minute: Much better from France. More possession, more sustained attack; Ribery is very involved all of a sudden from the right, both with crosses and a little creative play, trying to free people up. He looks like a street kid from Detroit. Props to pale white guys.

23rd minute: Oh my GOD. Zidane dumps to the far corner for Henry, who crosses it back into the paths of not one but two French players. The first, Ribery, doesn't even try at it. Then Viera wandered in and fell rather than poking it into the goal. If France lose 1-0, it's their fault.

22nd minute: Has anyone seen Viera today? I don't think I've heard his name mentioned once. Where the hell did he go? Oh there he was, he just ran by a Spanish player. What up, Patrick? What, you're busy? Please. Kick someone's ass, then I'll believe you're busy.

21th minute: Zidane has a nice tan. Summer agrees with him.

20th minute: Spain are really untroubled by France in the midfield, but the Frenchies are still strong at the back — any deep attacks are easily denied.

17th minute: Nice almost-attack by France — long ball from Zidane nearly freed Henry on the dead run, but Puyol got a piece of his Go Go Gadget hair in the way to break it up.

15th minute: Another corner for France, despite a sort of half hazard attack. Harmlessly played in by Zidane, right on the near post and played out easily to Barthez, who is out tending to the pitch and has totally abandoned his goal. Aren't crazy people fun?

16th minute: Through ball from Raul that finds lots of space. Unfortunately, no one who isn't a bald French man named Fabien is in the area.

15th minute: Spain are looking much stronger right now, they're starting to take control of the game. They're not completing that last pass yet, but France can't get the ball, and when they do they give it right back to someone in red.

14th minute: And the drooling over Zidane has begun. John, do you understand that your praise only makes us hate a man we used to love? Nice individual work on the right by Sagnol, only to keep it too long and give it back.

14th minute: Oh Jesus, Harkes is speaking French. Shoot me now.

12th minute: Tame shot by Henry from the top of the box. And we wonder, will he bottle it in yet another big game? Pressure = Henry shooting it over from 5 yards.

10th minute: Not a lot of build-up. Both teams keep it in their own end, but can't put together sustained attacks; it's pretty even so far, no one has a good rhythm yet. Dammit.

9th minute: Wow. Nice free kick from Parnia that just missed the upper left of the goal from about 25-30 yards out. Barthez had no chance, but it missed by about a foot.

8th minute: A corner for real, this time. Pretty good ball from Zidane, but close to the goal and Casillas gets a paw on it while kneeing several French players in sensitive parts. Because he's a keeper, Italy says he was fouled.

6th minute: Zidane is wearing hideous shoes. Zizou, brilliant talent can only excuse so much. Uh huh. And the first thing those shoes cost him is a corner for France — Mr. Italy used that thing taped to the side of his head to learn that the ball had, in fact, been handled by the French. And we go the other way.

5th minute: Ooh. Nice long ball by Xavi, looking for Raul's head (huh huh). Barthez came for it and won the ball without screwing up even a little, which was disappointing. France turned around and did the same thing, winning a corner.

3rd minute: So far, Henry is "defending" by standing near Spanish players with his hands up. His first effort led to a nice break for Spain, though they managed to go offside. Good start, Thierry.

2nd minute: The referee is Italian. Insert nasty remark about greasy-haired divers here. You're all just jealous you're not as pretty as Totti, and you know it.

1st minute: Harkes, in his infinite wisdom, has announced that this game will be more creative than the Ukraine-Switzerland snoozefest last night. Thanks, dickhead.

Right. Game at hand.

So, the scuttlebutt leading up to this match was that French manager (and evil evil Zizou hater) Raymond Domenech was refusing to name his lineup ahead of time because Zidane wasn't in it, and he didn't want to hear the whining of a nation for any longer than necessary. Happily, though, it was all a big lie, and the man will get to start what is likely to be his last game in a France shirt (unless national teams have old-timer's days, or France starts playing). Of course, Zidane's presence only means that JP and Harkes will spend 58% of the game's 90 minutes praising him to the stars based on how he played in 2000. (Who is it, exactly, who tracks down videotape for the guys who are broadcasting these games? Because clearly none of them have seen a game played in the last, oh, four years or so. And it's surely not helping them to have that new Jonga Bonita When Ronaldo Was Skinny ad running. I promise you that JP is now irreparably confused.)

In other news, Spain are the new Brazil, only with two-word names and without the Portuguese. And with a balding all-time scoring leader rather than a fat one. Additionally, French defender Eric Abidal (like Zidane, back from a two-yellow suspension) compared the game to war several times during the build-up. Expect those quotes to be used as evidence of aggression when we invade France.

Also, where the hell is Reyes? Damn you, Aragones. it's because he's black, isn't it? Oh, wait.

A few things, before we really get started:

1)Wait a minute. I'm not just doing this because of my vast soccer knowledge and grace under pressure? You want something from me, Will? Well I never.

2)If anyone can hurt John Harkes badly enough between to keep him from talking between now and the start of the game, large payments can be arranged.

3)Forza Italia, haters.

4)You guys asked in the comments about summer movies last time, but I was in too much of a typing/Reyes frenzy to properly reply. Now that I have a few unfrenzied minutes, I will tell you: All of you should go see Once in a Lifetime, about the New York Cosmos. It's easily the best soccer movie ever made, and is also now one of my favorite movies of all time (right up there with obscure French films) Seriously, it's magic. Plus, you get to see Shep Messing's wang AND see Giorgio Chinaglia, before he was a Tony Soprano look-alike bantering with the loathsome Eric Wynalda. Really, what could be better? It opens July 6 in NYC and later in other, soccer-friendly cities across the country. And no, sadly, they're not paying me for this.

Therefore, we get Brazil vs. Ghana, the ultimate favorite vs. underdog matchup. Each team is missing one of its best players, but the loss of Michael Essien should hurt Ghana a lot more than Brazil will miss Robinho. But hey: One never knows.

Your live-blogger today is Robert Weintraub, a freelance writer whom you probably know best from his work at Slate. Follow along in the comments. We like both these teams, so hey, everybody's a winner. But Brazil: They're actually going to be the winner.

Wow, that went super-fast. Thanks again to Will for the opportunity, I had a blast. Off to ice my carpal tunnel. Enjoy the rest of the Mundial!

Ronaldo gets the American Idol version of Man o' the Match—I give it to Dida myself. Honorable mention to the Lion of Ghana, Appiah.

So classic, clinical Brazil—they don't play well for long stretches, but in the end a comfortable victory. Give Ghana all the credit, they played their typical fast, strong, close control game, and got oodles of chances. They clearly missed Essien early, and there will always be the what if? factor. But Brazil sniffed out the Ghana gameplan, knew they would be vulnerable to through balls beating the offside trap, and got the result they needed. Ronaldinho played his best game so far, which isn't saying much, and El Gordo nicked a classic sniper's goal with flair—a worthy one to pass Muller and get the record. It's just a shame Ghana can't be allowed to play a loser's bracket match with Australia—that would be a fun one to watch. it's Africa's misfortune to always wind up with a sympathetic side having to match up against a world giant before they can really make some noise.

How come the fans don't swap their crazy get-ups with opposing fans? I know I wouldn't want to drag some of that costumage on the 14 hour coach flight back to Accra.

AND THERE"S THE WHISTLE! 3-0 BRAZIL. THEY ADVANCE TO THE QUARTERFINALS

92' Brazil wins a corner. C'mon, stop pressing for the rub it in goal! Ghana deserves better. But AGAIN Kingson comes out to save the day, after Juninho gives Juan a gorgeous flick in.

91' Another chance for Appiah, you know what happens.

90' Another superb save by Kingson, as he is single-handedly keeping this one respectable. Ronaldinho was crying for a square pass, to no avail. Balboa is only just coming around to the idea that the Brazilians aren't best buddies. Gee, a bunch of multi-millionaires who all think they're the shite don't sing and samba together? Those Nike ads are BS?? I feel so used.

89' Pentsil gets off a skidding shot that Dida again is on top of, with no rebound off a tricky hop.

88' It's Tachie-Mensah's turn to find space but put one right at Dida. On the counter Ronaldo does a good job holding off the defender, and unleashes a shot that Kingson gets an extended arm on to deny another Ronaldo brace. He'll wind up with the most goals in the tournament, just wait.

87' We're into looking ahead to the quarterfinals mode, as Spain or France awaits the Selecao. Roberto Carlos bangs one from distance, a bit cheeky given Ghana's excellent effort today.

86' Ghana wins a corner as they play for a goal they deserve. But Muntari's corner is over everyone.

84' GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG—I'm a stutterer. But another offsides trap beaten, and Ze Roberto flicks past Kingson brilliantly then taps in for a 3-0 Brazil lead. He's had a tough time in the midfield today against Appiah, but give Ze Roberto credit for a super run and classy finish. If only Ghana could've finished so well.

84' Brazil just slowing it down now, toeing it around, to loud derisive jeers.

83' That will do it for Kaka, he's off, Ricardinho is on. Nice to bring that kind of skill off the bench. I still have Argentina beating them in the final, though.

81'' Yellow card given to Asamoah for diving, which is his second, and his day is over. Pretty obvious dive in the area—can't really fault him at this stage, anything to sneak a goal and give his team a shot. But it's now a ten-man Ghana, and now they are really hard done for.

80' Pantsil almost heads one past his own keeper, with a much too potent header given the space between him and Kingson. The keeper prevents a road gang from taking the machete to Pantsil back home.

79' More nice Ghana play, as Aasmoah is set free after a Ronaldo turnover. But the omnipresent Dida comfortably grabs it.

78' He can't be hurt too bad—a nice Muntari turn results in a shot, but again his long range shot is nowhere close. Ghana simply can't penetrate, and Brazil is like a basketball team zoning up, allowing a bunch of perimeter shots.

76' Balboa opines that the best players show their stuff at the national team level, not at the club, in reference to Ronaldinho. Bet the good folks at Barcelona who pay his enormous salary just spit up their aperitifs. Meanwhile, Dida slides out to grab a loose ball and catches Muntari at an awkward angle. He's up and limping.

75' This is a recording—Appiah builds up some steam and uncorks one, but again much too high. He screams in frustration, which I think they heard on the Gulf of Guinea.

74' Kingson comes scurrying out to head away a speculative ball toward Ronaldo.

73' Asamoah finds yet another small crease and fires, but is way off. They've given a heroic effort but good keeping and some poor finishes have let them down.

69' OOOOOOHHHHH!!!!! Another fab save by Dida to deny Asamoah, and he dives on the rebound. Dida has been called the weak link at times, but he is having a man of the match type game. Last Ghana sub, Alex Tachie-Mensah in for the weary Amoah.

67' Iffy foul goes against Ghana, they look like they might be tiring having to chase the game. The cure—Pimpong! Muntari goes down without a Brazilian influence—looks like more fatigue.

63' Ronaldo wants to put some distance between himself and Herr Muller, and Ronaldinho supplies him with a chance, but the shot is blocked.

62' Ghana needs to get Pimpong in there! If only to provide O'Brien yet more opportunites for corny puns.

61' Cafu long overlap run, but his cross is easily parried.

59' Unconfirmed confirmation from ESPN that Ratomir was indeed booted. Love to see Ghana come back so we can show how useless managers are come gametime. Meanwhile, Ghana continues to press, forcing a corner. Eric Addo is subbed out for Derek Boateng—Addo has taken a beating. The corner gets Pantsil a back of the head flick that sails wide. Now Juninho, who scored against Japan, comes in for Adriano. Oh, how we miss Robinho here...

57' Another perfect Ronaldinho dime to Roberto Carlos, whose toepoke is denied by Kingson. Adriano waves in frustration, alone at the far post. He looked like Ronaldo frantically tryting to flag down the hot dog vendor (OK, enough!)

55' Gorgeous Ronaldinho look is bungled by a clumsy Adriano touch. Looked like a Ghana handball wasn't called. Then Draman hacks down Lucio, who has spent a lot of time grabbing various parts of his leg.

53' A PA announcement worthy of Leni Reifenstahl is blaring over play, to the point where the players are looking up and around in confusion. Probably Beckenbauer left the lights on in his Mercedes.

52' Draman gets an opportunity off a gorgeous couple of touches in the area, but is wide and high again.

51' They're saying Ghana's manager Ratomir Dujkovic of Serbia, may have been tossed for arguing the Adriano goal. On the other hand, the guy used to coach the Rwandan national team, so perhaps he understands the benefits of laying low when behind.

50' Asamoah is Gyan to be a handful all day, it appears—another chance off a nice flick goes wanting wide and high.

49' Ronaldiniho looks for Adriano but it goes right to the keeper instead.

48' Ghana could really use a quick goal for a jumpstart, and they're pressing, but Asamoah just picked up a yellow for a frustrated kick of the ball into the stands. If a Ghana fan came all the way to Dortmund for this clash, he should get to keep the ball, it says here.

46' And we're back! ESPN just flashed a stat that reveals Brazil hasn't lost a halftime lead at the WC since 1950. No problem. Marcelo says a buddy from MLS watching at home says Adriano's goal was indeed offsides, which says it all about MLS, actually.

Halftime sub—Gilberto Silva comes on for the gimpy Emerson, no shocker there.

This scoreline isn't promising for further glimpses of throngs gathered in Ghana watching their heroes go down to expected defeat.

Ghana has outplayed Los Canarinhos for most of the game so far, and all it gets them is 2-0 down, which against Brazil is nearly insurmountable, let's face it. Appiah has regrouped from a shaky start, and he and Amoah are a handful inside. Brazil are content to play the counterattack game, and have beaten offside traps twice for goals. It won't get them many plaudits, but this is how Brazil always approaches World Cup play—build up slow, don't get overextended, and turn it on starting with the quarterfinals. It's a testament to their extreme skill that they can get away with often lifeless play, yet still cruise ahead.

Looking again at the goal, a nice play of advantage ny the ref started it, then Lucio alertly plays wide rather than to the clearly offsides Adriano. He looked onside from the pass from Cafu—actually Shilla the Ghana defender got a piece of it before Adriano kneed it home. That is the sort of flowing open play that makes the game "beautiful"—refs get slagged a lot but his refusal to stop play on a foul in the Brazil half allowed the play to develop.

HALFTIME 2-0 BRAZIL.

46' Correction—that was Cafu on the cross to Adriano, Kaka gave it to him on the overlap.

46' GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—you know the rest. Adriano on a classic counterstrike, a tap-in from Kaka's cross that might have gone in on its own. Ghana is screaming for offsides—and Adriano was definitely in an offsides position but Lucio I believe played it wide, making it passive offsides, so it looked legal at first blush.

44' Juan picks up a yellow for a severe challenge on poor Eric Addo. Free kick from 25 yards, golden chance for Ghana—but Appiah is well high on his attempt. But Ghana is dominating the action!

42' OOOOOOHHHHH! Somehow Dida gets a foot on a powerhouse Mensah header looking for the equalizer off a corner. Kick save and a beauty as Marv Albert would say. Best pure reaction save—you know he'll be claiming credit for working on that sort of save since boyhood in the post-game interviews. But it was pure luck—could just as easly gone through his legs.

41' Longest span of time without announcer commentary—:07. Hey, I said I would lay off, sorry.

40' Eric Addo gets used as a stepladder by Ronaldinho, who should have been booked but he's Ronaldinho. So Addo writhes around without a hint of sympathy.

37' Lucio returns to a chorus of whistles from the Ghanaian ER interns. Adriano hauled down, Eric Addo (in for Essien) whistled. No reaction from the Ghanaian supporters, although it looked like a dive. Free kick by Ronaldinho well off the mark, standard for his WC so far. The canary jersey is like Kryptonite for him.

35' Juan makes a hash of a clearance, after getting away with a handball in the box. Asamoah almost gets free but Emerson clamps him down. Now Lucio is down grabbing at a thigh. Ghana is very strong, they are winning the collisions, if not the game.

33' Ronaldo (Deadspin login: JennyCraig9) has been invisible since his goal. Maybe he's looking for Kingson's dropped 'T'?

32' Dida fouled as he leaps for Pensil's cross—good call, Amoah led with the 'bow.

30' Ronaldinho's first good shot gets a lot of curve, good stop by Kingson. Corner then results in a near post chance stuffed again. Quick counter by Ghana, excellent pace results in a shot for Draman, who skies it high. Emerson down on the pitch, allowing everyone to catch a breath. Great action!

28' Dangerous ball into the Brazilian box results in a loose change attempt but Amoah right at Dida. Ensuing counterattack results in a yellow on Pensil for getting too much lead into Kaka.

27' Good one-touch passing enables Muntari to break free but offside flag is up. Ghana is having free rein between the center line and the box—Kaka and Ronaldinho will always allow the opposition some space as they are always thinking attack. Emerson and Ze Roberto need to clamp down a little further upfield.

25' Muntari slide tackles Kaka after a 30 yard run. Brazil gets it back and Ronaldinho sends Roberto Carlos on a long sprint down the right—but RC sends into the stands.

24' Amoah gets a ball right at the top of the box all alone, but duffs a grounder wide of the net. Ghana has controlled the action the last 5-7 minutes.

22' Emerson stuffs an attack on the left—Brazil's D looks open but comfortable they can dispossess anyone before trouble strikes.

20' Mensah with a scary back pass to Kingson that almost gets picked off by Kaka—shades of the Kaffour gaffe against Italy.

19' Ghana's best sustained attack results in an offsides on Asamoah, after a bicycle kick duel won by Lucio inside.

18' A Cafu foul gives Ghana a free kick for Muntari from the left—easily cleared but Draman recollects and lashes one that Dida puts over the bar for a corner.

17' Ghana looks real shaky—a quick Brazil goal was like sugar in their collective gas tank. C'mon Appiah, rally the boys, for the sake of the continent!

16' Cafu called for a shove as he tries a long run toward goal.

13' And another yellow, this one on Adriano for diving. A square to Ronaldo would have been 2-nil. Adriano looking to deny Ronaldo another goal? Rumors Adriano is headed to Real may be in the back of their minds? Nah—too cynical. Give Kingson credit for aggressive play there, but where is the back 4? Playing way too forward.

11' Another yellow as ref Lubos Michel from Slovakia looks to seek control, unlike some other (Russian) refs we could name.

10' O'Brien relates that several Brazilians tried to cheer up a disconsolate Essien on the bench. Hey, the Brazilians want him out there—their ultra-cynical press will be sure to note his absence regardless of how well they play.

7' Another look at the goal shows where Essien will be missed—an acre of open space in the midfield for Kaka to operate. How did we ever liveblog before the advent of the DVR? Oh, that's right....

7' Yellow for Muntari—he must have dug the view from the stands.

5' Oh man! Ronaldo must have known we wanted early goals after yesterday's debacle, and he get's it done—a perfect thru ball in from Kaka to El Fenomeno, who leaves Kingson grasping at broken dreams with a sick move. Bye bye Muller!

4' Darman with a nice overlap, but his cross goes to a wide open space. That's the key—getting in behind the fullbacks and look for the box.

3' Muntari works his back into the swing of things by fouling right off the bat, Ze Roberto milking it.

1' Ronaldo quickly offside by about a slab of ribs. He's up front in the standard Brazil starting XI, with Adriano.

0' I was going to make a joke about live pictures from the ESPNZone in Accra, but there are live shots from a dusty looking village.

0' So we got Dave "Here's the 2-2 pitch" O'Brien and Marcelo "That's not a card!" Balboa on the call. Pity, I prefer JP Dellacamera and John Harkes, even though Harkes sounds disconcertingly like Anderson Cooper. Plenty has been said (all of it bad) about ESPN's lead announcers, so I'll refrain from piling on.

These two teams met several times in Under-17 and Under-20 tournaments over the last several years, including in 2001, when nearly a dozen players between the rosters were on the pitch. Ghana won that quarterfinal game 2-1, on a goal by John Mensah. Will history repeat itself? Did Santayanna get a bet down? Thanks to Will for the opportunity, and let's do this—Brazil-Ghana, it's on-ah! (I gotta calm down)

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PREVIEW: The final day of the Sweet 16 round and what a mouthwatering contest we have on tap! Everyone's second favorite team, Brazil, against the tournament darlings of Ghana. The defending champs against a nation making its World Cup debut.
Gimme a Hoo-hah two times Tuesday!! Let's take a closer look...

BRAZIL: The Selecao buried Japan 4-1 in their last Group F match, which got a lot of Brazilians to drop the butcher knives aimed at the team and brandish them instead at tourists foolish enough to venture into the flavelas. A lot was made of "Who Ate All The Pies?" Ronaldo breaking out of his stupor to bang home two goals, tying him for the all-time WC lead with Gerd Muller, who wasn't exactly playing with a sprinter's physique himself. Key to El Fenomeno's resurgence was the insertion of Robinho into the lineup, both for his sublime skillz and his not being Adriano, who meshes with Ronaldo like tunafish meshes with gravy. Sadly for everyone, Robinho strained a thigh in training and is unavailable. So the "Magic Square"—as the quartet of Ronaldo, Ronaldinho, Adriano, and Kaka are called—will have to stop making fluid offense disappear, as they did in the first two matches.

Meanwhile, the leaky-looking Brazil defense will be under heavy pressure from what promises to be a go-for-broke Ghana attack. Forward-thinking wingbacks Cafu and Roberto Carlos will need to be aware of counterattacks catching them upfield.

GHANA: Ironically, the team called the Black Stars list as their official colors white shirts, white shorts, and white socks. Sadly, the African debutantes' bid for a monumental though definitely conceivable upset will have to be done without talisman Michael Essien. The Chelsea midfielder fell victim to the Weisser Engel, Markus Merk, the German dentist who didn't even ask Essien "Is it safe?" before handing him a harsh yellow against the red, white and blue (this entire World Cup has been one long Marathon Man reference). Essien came in carrying a yellow, so he'll be watching the game in the finest tracksuit $47 million can buy.

But Africa's lone remaining hope will have Sulley Muntari and Asamoah Gyan back from their suspensions. Muntari in particular is key, as he needs to hold possession and build the attack while simultaneously ensuring Kaka doesn't go off. Ghana took the game to both Italy and the Czechs (not so much against the US—we were kind enough to hand it over to them). Should they do so against Brazil, figuring they need to get some goals to have a shot, the defense—in particular the "Rock of Gibraltar" John Mensah, will be key.

So yeah, it's Italy vs. Australia, with the winner cruising on to the quarterfinals. Obviously, Italy's favored here, but may we remind you that this is a team that tied the United States. We can't emphasize that enough.

Your live-blogger today is Brandon who has done this for a few times, including the England-Sweden game. It should be big Monday morning fun. Follow along in the comments, and enjoy, after the jump.

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'94 An easily conversion by Totti, and that's the game. What a horrible way to finish. Australia's hearts are ripped out, after being the better side, and another terrible officiating performance has ruined yet another World Cup game. Someone tell Sepp Blatter that his officiating has ruined this tourney, and it's bound to get worse.

And Marcelo Balboa, I hope someone directs you to these comments, because saying it's the defender's fault for sliding—and not the ref's fault for a bullshit call—is utterly inexcusable. You're a defender yourself! Or at least you were. That comment, compounded with thousands of horrible sayings and phrases you have made over the last month sum up your presence as an awful, terrible commentator. I hope you and Dave O'Brien get jumped by a bunch on renegade Socceroos fans tonight, who will shame you and dress you up like Dutch hookers, then parade you around Kaiserslautern while whipping you with a torque wrench. You are a terrible announcer! You should never say that about defending! You know better, you stupid piece of sh*t.

My heart goes out to the Aussies, who were the better team today, and did not deserve that awful call. Horrid. And now I have to go to work. Peace, CliffX is finito.

93' It's a terrible, horrid penalty call by Corroso, who sells a dive and wins the penalty in the box. Balboa becomes the official anti-Christ by praising Corroso for selling the dive. FUCK YOU MARCELO. FUCK OFF AND DIE.

Totti to take the pk. LOL.

93' NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOO, NOO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!

92' Too many Italians in the box for Australia to penetrate. Ooo, that sounded dirty. But then Australia competely knock out the counter-attack.

89' Aloisi tries a crazy bicycle kick, but misses the ball completely. In a hilarious moment, Viduka cries out for a penalty, although nobody touched his partner! Three minutes stoppage time, then another yellow after that on Zambrotta for dissent. It was probably deserved.

88' Almost a wrestling match on the left side, and no call. That's actually a good thing. Now there's something fighting between Aloisi and Perotta. Gennaro Gattuso ends up with a yellow card, a result of the foul on Bresciano. Very tense, I'm sure. I wish that could be conveyed more on the broadcast.

87' Close-range shot is stopped. The ball is tussle around in the Aussie box, and Italy's eventual shot is right at Schwarzer. Pretty wild.

86' Buffon stops a good cross, and Aloisi is working very hard to create up front. Will it be too little, too late?

84' On a side note, I'd recommend Prozac. Bresciano takes his umpteenth shot, too high. Balboa's right in saying Australia needs to put up more pressure, I worry extra time would be a resurgance for the Italians.

82' Buffon kicks the ball. I'm begging for a goal now.

81' TOO HIGH! A fine Cahill header is too strong. Substitution: Alosi on, Sterjolski off. Atmosphere is quite intense in the stadium.

80' Another great Australian effort gives them a corner. C'mon Aussies!!!

79' Flop, Totti, flop! LOL. He wins a free kick in midfield because I hate him so.

77' Just a word here: if we end up going into extra time, I'll have to leave you in Jason's hands because of work. Don't worry, he's a nice boy. A tad demented, but very nice. The cameras finally show what Guus Hiddink looks like, but still don't identify his name. Another good shot from Bresciano, and yet another save from the world-class Buffon.

76' Aussies control on the ball, but it doesn't matter, Totti's playing. LOL. An Italian guy kicks the ball back to Buffon, and Viduka almost steals it from the mistake. Shot by Italy blocked by those darn Aussies.

74' Dale Chipperfield plays it on the left, but he's well defended. And guess what..........HERE COMES TOTTI. His big frame and nose replace Del Piero, keeping the attacking scheme the same. The Italian fans go crazy. Yay. Totti. LOL.

73' BORING. DAMMIT. PUT IN TOTTI. LOL.

71' I know he's got producers talking in his ear, but Dave: it's not all that important that Australia is ranked 44th in the world. I don't care. Really, and my opinion is the only one that matters, seeing as Maddox probably isn't a fan of soccer. Harsh foul, no card, Aussies control.

69' Cullina (an Italian last name playing for Australia) chips in, too high. The referee easily misses some Italian dude sending the ball into touch. Pathetic. Foul and free kick in midfield, Italy.

68' Oaky, so I realize I've been spelling Sterjolski wrong. It's not "Stoyowski", it's "Sterjolski." Just call me Peter Gammons because I caught my mistake.

66' Del Piero gets a great freekick tipped over by Schwarzer. Bresciano tries to control on the other side, but slips and the attack for Australia is thwarted. I like that word, thwarted.

65' A BUNCH OF HARRIER JETS HAVE JUST FLOWN IN!!!! CLOWNS, TINY MIDGET CLOWNS, ARE PARACHUTING INTO THE STADIUM!!!! OH NOES!!! THE ANIMAL LIBERATION FRONT HAS SHOWN UP!!!! THEY'RE SETTING FIRE TO THE PITCH, JUST BECAUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

63' Jason thinks Paul Konero should be put in, but that might backfire against the Australians. Gattuso has a great break and crosses to Del Piero, but it's over his head and rolls into touch. On the other side, Stoyowlski wins a corner.

60' Great cross by Stoyowlski, but it hits Viduka's hand. Tough break, but I truly feel the Aussies are on the cusp of victory. Meanwhile, Wilkshire gets a yellow card, partly in thanks to Del Piero (the guy he fouled) acting like a huge wuss on the pitch. What a tool.

59' NEAR GOAL! Dale Chipperfield hits an amazing turn-and-shoot, and Buffon stops it AGAIN. It's clash of the titans, baby: Gianluigi Buffon vs. DALE F'N CHIPPERFIELD.

58' Italian free kick is well off. You should've put in Totti, yo. YOU SHOULD'VE PUT IN TOTTI!

56' Substitution: Barzagli on, Toni off. That's a mistake. Toni was your best chance, pal. BRING ON TOTTI! LOL.

53' How many comments has this blog gotten so far? Six? Seven? Severe case of the Mondays. At least we have Unsilent Majority here to protect us from all evil. Faquita (the substitute) tries a shot but it's way off.

52' It's a great kick, but a couple of feet to the right. The stadium is buzzing right now.

50' HOLY COW! UNCALLED FOR RED CARD!!! Materrazzi gets involved in a crazy tackle near the Aussie penalty box, and I'll tell you what, that may not even be a yellow card. Huge decision by the ref. Cahill got a yellow earlier, and now it's a big free kick for Bresciano.

47' Once again, slow, midfield play. Geez. Jason notes that somehow his XM satellite radio feed of this game is about ten seconds slower than the TV feed. Weird as heck. Comment from Jason: I don't know who they have doing the broadcasting, sometimes the crazy British guys from ABC I think, but they do a decent job on some games, although they spend a lot of time talking about random events in the game, a lot of speculating, and a lot of time watching their hands. At least there's no Dave O'Brien.

46' Second half is underway. Substitute for Italy: DI CANIO IS COMING!!!! naw, just kidding, some big buy wearing number 9.

45' I just noticed, Will could neither find a cute Italian nor Australian to pick a favorite for the game. Perhaps that explains the slower first half.

IT'S THE HALF-TIME HAPPY SHOW, WITH JASON!!!!!

BOOOOORINGGGGGGGGG

BOOOOOOORRRRRINGGGGGGGGGGG
DINGO TOOK MY BOOOORRRINNNNNNG
ITALY CANT STOP THE SOCCERROOOOOOOS
AUSTRALIA IS STUCK IN PESTO SAUCE
OCEANIC AIRLINES CRASHES OFF THE ITALIAN COAST AND NO ONE CARES
I wonder if the australians could form a mafia syndicate, perhaps based upon
debtor colonies. They'd have a big following in Georgia.

Really, I got nothing except the Aussies should put in Skoko pronto. At least that way I can hear funny names and laugh at cultures different from my own. LOL SKOKO!!1111.

Don't forget to always buy American. The power of Christ compels you to vote Constitution party.

Here's Brandon.

He better be making me a delicious sandwich.

45'+stoppage: Only some midfield possession for Italy, and that's the first half, very quiet, very encouraging for the Australians. I'm quite surprised they haven't mentioned Guus Hiddink's name in this broadcast.

44' Absolutely nothing happens. The game is vgery competitive, but it's deadlocked in the middle for the most part. There's a good cross by Aussie punched away by Buffon, I suppose there's that. One minute stoppage time.

43' Del Piero taps out! He taps out! That's what Dave O'Brien says. Sorry, channeling my WWF days there.

40' Good free kick by Italy easily stopped by Schwarzer. Toni then tries to bring the ball forward, but he's tackled very harshly, and writhes in pain on the ground. He'll be okay, though, he's Italian.

39' ESPN does well in showing actual Australian fans in Sydney, Australia, instead of going to the Virgin Megastores in LA. Kudos. The Italian fans are getting very frustrated, booing and whistling their team's efforts.

37' Foul on Grosso. Balboa says no, I say shut up.

36' Long ball for Italy is too long, game beginning to slow down again. Although now I'd say both teams are pretty even. PUT IN TOTTI! HE'S A GOD! LOL.

34' TONI DANZA! He gets into the box again and sends a point blank header just over the goal. He's the Azzuri's bright spot thus far. Buffon has played well, too.

32' The Australians are too cautious with their bal handling, and hey give it away. Italy proceeds to do what Australia just did, and then they give it away. Almost a fast-break for Viduka, but it's snuffed out. Then Toni takes another great shot, but Dale Chipperfield, fast becoming a favorite for me, blocks the shot.

31' Italians are putting on a stereotypical defend-and-counter show at this point, and I guarantee you, if they keep it up, they'll pay for it dearly.

29' Gross takes out a player on an Aussie breakaway and gets the yellow for it. Bresciano takes the free kick...and Dale Chipperfield almost scores a goal! Buffon is there to put it away. Douchebag Davey calls the free kick a "Beckham-style" one. I want to kill him, hump him, and eat his fucking costume, just wait.

28' An Aussie cross is too high, and Viduka can't chase it down. He's working very hard so far today.

25' Del Piero surprisinigly easily loses possession, but the Italinas keep fighting. Eventually the Aussies can head back to Schwarzer. ESPN admits wrong intelligence and it was Grella, not Chippefield, who got this mysterious yellow card.

24' Viduka is close again! His header is right at Buffon though. Pace of the game is picking up.

22' Several great displays. Viduka does some fancy footwork in front of the Italian goal, but he's thwarted. On the other side, Toni spins around and fires a cracker at goal, but Schwarzer saves again with his feet. Dale Chipperfiled gets a yellow card in the midst of all the excitement. Dave the douchebag has no comment.

21' GREAT CHANCE! Gilardino (for Italy) cracks a very high kick towards goal, and Schwarzer tips it over the net. Good stuff. Hey, does anyone know of any animals native to Italy? We're trying to find a contrast to the kangeroo.

20' Now the announcers speculate about Totti's fitness. This is why you have a PREGAME SHOW to discuss these kinds of things.

19' Schwarzer comes out of his goalto quell an Azzurri attack. Dave tries to be funny by mentioning how no one's been carded yet. And I almost got twenty minutes in without calling Dave a douchebag. Oh well.

17' Alessandro Del Piero is called offside. You know what? He's one of Juventus' greatest players ever, and we've barely heard a peep out of him in this World Cup. Even in the US game. Interesting. Counterattack for the Aussies bodes well, throw-in coming.

15' I know you're waiting for me to write something fun, but I just can't. It's a very conventional game rigth now. Free kick Australia.

14' Clear foul on the right, but a quick restart for Italy is ill-advised, as a goal kick results. Totti wouldn't have done that. LOL.

11' It's worth mentioning at some time in this match that I have tremendous amounts of respect for the Aussie coach, Guus Hiddink. What he's done for football on a world scale cannot be underestimated. Italians get a good attack into the box, but the final shot is blocked Chipperfield. We're calling him Dale Chipperfield from now on.

9' Foul on Bresciano for Aussies, free kick in the middle. NOW the fans are starting to yell, and they sound like Australian voices. Good stuff.

8' And for your non-shocker, Marcelo informs us that Totti's not starting! I'm not shocked...he's not all that great. Give me Kaka or even Patrick Vieira 9 times out of 10.

6' Of the three games I've blogged, this certainly has the most inauspiscious start. It sounds very quiet in Kaiserslautern today, with neither side being all that aggressive. Jason (my bad and doomed lover) says the Aussies have a player named "Skoko" who needs to be put in immediately so we can cheer for him. I concur.

4' Viduka plays well on the left, another corss, but that Italian defense is tough.

3' Oh, hey, Gattuso did get the start after all! Glad I got that. A near goal from Cattoni...but his header is just wide.

1' Some technical difficulties warp us right into play. The Aussies make some nifty moves on the wing, controlling well to start. A cross finds a striker's head, but the shot is off target.

0' The players come out looking like pedophiles once again, in lieu of the national anthems being played. I get stuck with Dave and Marcy again. Why can't I get the guys that did yesterday's England match? They knew what was up. Anyways, the cable link goes bad for ESPN, so no national anthems, after all.

A final word on the US performance in the World Cup (and after this, no one on Deadspin's allowed to talk about it):

Above all else, we must remember the fact that Group E was meant to be a very challenging group, complete with three world-class goalkeepers and several internationally renowned superstars. Only Group F was more difficult, with Argentina, Holland, and the highly competitive Ivory Coast all lunging at each other's throats. We were supposed to be the Ivory Coast of our group, a clear underdog but still a dangerous team you really didn't want any part of. Unfortunately, that notion fell apart within five minutes against the Czech Republic, browbeating our side from the start and making our attackers highly uncomfortable throughout the match. When the dust settled, and as the Czechs looked something like a juggernaut and Thomas Rosicky seemed destined to become the nation's next Pavel Nedved, our team seemed to become exposed as undersized, timid, and doomed to repeat their 32nd place finish in the '98 World Cup. This is the immediate impression you, I, Eric Wynalda, the News of the World, and President Bush all gained after watching that dreadful game.

So if you expected the USA to even get a result against Italy a couple Saturdays ago, you're kidding yourself. I certainly didn't, writing as much in my live blog of the game. If we couldn't penetrate the Czech's unknown defenders how could we get through Nesta, Zaccardo and Cannavaro? And if Nedved was unlucky not to get a goal himself against us, what would alleged soccer god Totti pull out of his sleeve?

But this was not meant to be; our team felt feistier and hungrier than it had. It played with the sense of urgency fans immediately demand from their teams right from their first game (the Germans pulled this off the best). Keller proved why he's still such a prized teammate at 36 years old, McBride went down as a bloodied hero afterwards, just in time for his birthday. Above all, a renewed sense of faith was restored in American fans, and the next Thursday in Nuremburg would be the final revival of US soccer, one last victory before playing Brazil and getting our asses handed to us in several ways.

This renewed hope became Bruce Arena's biggest enemy, and after the US disappointingly lost 2-1 to a much more passionate Ghana side, Wynalda vehemently lashed out on him, placing the blame squarely on his shoulders and sub-textually calling for his firing.

I'll say this about Eric Wynalda: he's a soccer legend, his goal against Switzerland in '94 was awesome, and it's truly a good thing to see commentators finally speak their minds without censure or hamming it up, a la Stephen A. Smith, Woody Paige or Skip Bayless. But I feel his shaming of Arena was uncalled for. Without Arena there wouldn't have been the expectations the US team was facing in the first place. Arena has found success at every level of competition, his tactics in the 2002 World Cup a display of brilliance. Arena's done too much in terms of organization and training, he's given too much to the national team's cause to receive this kind of treatment.

If there's one thing Arena can definitely be blamed for, it was his insistence of the 4-5-1 formation, which left McBride too often isolated and kept the US in limbo until Eddie Johnson would finally get subbed in after sixty minutes. Even so, I can't fault Arena's plan, considering he expected his midfield not to suck. Landon Donovan's performance at this Cup will go down as one of the great mysteries of life, especially when factoring in all the great goals he's made for the national team, including the one against Mexico in 2002. Maybe he has gone soft; maybe LA and his hot B-actor girlfriend have become too appealing, or maybe he just really can't stomach the food in Germany. But whatever the reason, the man who looks like Michael Ballack in MLS struggles time and again on US soil. Perhaps Arena should have sent a message to him in the Czech game and subbed him out, but that would have been a pretty unbelievable moment in itself. It was sink or swim with #21 all the way, and the coach is not to blame for the player's timidity.

DaMarcus Beasley's work on the wing confounds me even more. This guy plays for PSV Eindhoven! He plays in the Champion's League every season! What the hell happened??? He had one great cross to Clint Dempsey, but otherwise, forget it. Flat-out FORGET IT. Very upsetting performance, especially from a guy who saw him play out of his mind against Mexico in Columbus this past September. There were other culprits too; after reading so much about Oguchi Onyewu, his performance felt like a big letdown, and Eddie Pope never really got comfortable playing out there.

(Although that's not his entire fault, is it, Jorge Larrionda? The officiating of this World Cup is another rant worthy of an investigation by the New York Times. First it was Larrionda disrupting a great game, then it was Onyewu's non-penalty, then it was Graham Poll issuing three yellow cards to a Croatian player, and yesterday it was some Russian guy handing out SIXTEEN YELLOW CARDS, along with four send-offs. I didn't see Portugal play the Netherlands, but it doesn't take a hard-core soccer fan to understand that if the game has a better referee, it's a completely different contest. There are many reasons for the US and Dutch falling short of their goals, and the officiating isn't an insignificant part of that.)

All things considered, however, the US team looked outplayed for the majority of the 270 minutes they shared on the pitch in Germany. The cause, I believe, is because of the weaker competition these guys often face in CONCACAF and MLS. There are two ways we can improve upon this:

#1 Increase the level of difficulty in international friendlies and non-World Cup tournaments (outside of qualifying, of course).
#2 Send our boys over to the big leagues in Europe.

The first point is more difficult to achieve. There is the Gold Cup, but outside of weakened Brazil teams, the only true competition in those games has been Mexico, whom no one can beat in Estadio Azteca. There's also the Confederations Cup, but you have to win the Gold Cup a certain year to be invited to that, and the US missed out on the most recent tourney (in 2005 in Germany). Perhaps if there was some way to hold an intercontinental tournament between the best teams from CONCACAF and CONMEBOL—now that would be interesting. Plus the prospect of the US facing the best from Argentina and Brazil would garner national attention during the non-World Cup intervals.

Of course, the logistics of that are very difficult to pull off, so let's say "the hell with it" and send people to Europe, now. Send Freddy Adu to Newcastle United. Send Dempsey to a London club like West Ham so he can terrorize midfields and have photos of him in drunken make-out sessions appear in the Sun. Send Jimmy Conrad and Onyewu to the Bundesliga so they can toughen up. Send Donovan to Sweden so he'll ditch his girlfriend in lieu of infinitely hotter women and learn to be more creative with the ball. Adu noted on PTI that Europe is his next step, as soon as he's ready, and he's got the right idea, unlike most of the US team. Do that, and in 2010 the US team will emerge stronger, more in tune with the competitiveness of the game, and capable of reaching the knockout phases of the Cup. A better draw would help things, too.

On a final note, if we're this mad about our team, how do you think Czech fans are feeling? There's more than one heartbreak in Group E.

Rant done: ON WITH THE GAME!!

Starting players for the Azzurri:

G Buffon

D Nesta

D Cannavaro

D Not di Rossi

D Felipe

M Gattuso?

M Um, Totti

M Rocky Balboa

M Steven Balboa

S Paulo di Canio (which would be evil and awesome simultaneously if it were true)

S Some very liberal person

Starting players for the Socceroos:

G Paul Hogan

D Nick Hogan

D Ted Hogan

D Hulk Hogan

D Terry Hogan

M Greg Norman

M Nicholas Kidman

M The Tasmanian Devil

M Mark Viduka

S Tim Cahill

S Doesn't matter, Cahill's better

Harry Kewell will probably be used as a sub. Probably.

By the way, I went to bed thinking an upset was imminent, and I have awoken with those same feelings. So we'll see. Email me at CliffX5@gmail.com if you need to complain.

So, it's Switzerland vs. Korea Republic, all kinds of important business on the line.

Your live blogger is the always excellent Thomas Moyles from The Middle Foam Finger, who is doing his third live-blog in three days. Impressive. Play along in the comments, and enjoy the game.

FULLTIME: The group stage comes to a close with South Korea, who were semi-finalists in the last World Cup and the last Asian team in the competition, bow out to Switzerland, who use a businesslike 2-0 victory to top Group H.

Korea were victimized late in the second half as an offside call by the linesman was wrongly overruled by the referee; still, the Koreans strugglied mightly with the ball all game and when they did get chances at goal, did very poorly. The Swiss look good, although they might be a paper tiger considering the other teams in their group. That said, they still have a good chance of beating the Ukraine in the next round, which should be a good one.

This has been The Electric Zarko, the laptop's put my legs to sleep and I don't even care. Peace out.

95' Game over as the Swiss win the group. Korea are devastated as they go out in the group stages. A bad call went against them in the second half and they just couldn't get the goal that they desperately needed.

93' Korea continue to throw balls into the box, gaining nothing. They just weren't able to get many clear-cut chances and they haven't taken the half-chances either. Zuberbuehler smothers a long shot for Ahn. Apparently Healy and Smyth won't be doing any more games. Real smart, ABC/ESPN, take out your best (although still not that good) commentary team.

91' Yellow card for Djourou, 4 minutes of stoppage time. Zuberbuehler punches out a Korean cross.

90' Stoppage time looms and Korea are going home. Healy saying the Swiss are going to be dangerous in the knock-outs, has anybody pointed out that Advocaat was the opposing coach in this game?

88' Healy is making a big deal out of the Swiss being the only team that hasn't given up a goal in this tournament. That sounds great; however, it's not like they've faced teams that are known for knocking goals in for fun. We'll see how they do against Shevchenko. Behrami in for Wicky.

87' Frei can't keep his header down and he's missed more chances than the entire Korean team. If he'd been on target, he might have a hat-trick. Ahn takes a quick shot and Zuberbuehler makes the save.

85' Korea are a little stunned here as they've spurned multiple chances and Switzerland have ridden a poor officiating decision to a 2 goal lead. It looks like Asia is going to get shut out of the knockout stages, quite a turn-around from 2002.

83' Yellow card for Spycher and Korea take a corner, the ball falls very well for Korea and Jin Kim Kyu hits the ball off of the crossbar. Healy points out that Korea had the benefit of some very questionable calls in their favor last tournament, so perhaps it's just karma rolling around.

81' Yellow cards for Jin Chul Choi and Chun Soo Lee, who rightly gave the ref a barracking after that decision. Might be the worst call of the tournament and that's saying something when somebody was given three yellow cards yesterday.

80' Yes, it's a goal. Horrible call by the Argentinian ref. Just horrible, and it's probably put the Koreans out of the tournament. Goal is given to Frei.

77' GOOO...AL? AL? GOAAAA? Er? The linesman's flag went up on a through-ball in to Frei, who then rounds the keeper and slots in past Lee Woon Jae. The Koreans are losing it and Dick Advocaat in particular. The referee appears to have overruled the linesman and decided that since the ball deflected off of the defender, it was not actually offside, which would be absolutely incorrect.

76' Tommy and Adrian are talking about the Swiss even though the fact that the Koreans are still being held is more due to their own inability to take advantage of the Swiss frailties than Swiss

75' Dick Advocaat is getting his knickers all twisted on the sidelines. C'mon Dick, why don't you put Bosvelt in for Robben? Chump.

73' Margairaz tries to play the ball in for Frei clear in on goal, the ball won't sit and is put out for a corner, which Lee Woon Jae takes well.

72' The Swiss break, win a corner and are taking their time. I think Tommy Smyth just tried to make a clock joke. The corner almost comes to fruition with a flick-on going across the face of goal. Korea eventually clear.

71' Margairaz comes in for Yakin, who hasn't shown much in the second half and was probably sucking win due to a lack of playing time.

69' Wicky given a yellow card, unclear whether it was for dangerous play or for kicking the ball away after he was called for a foul. The free kick is easily cleared and Korea play it back in, causing more chaos in the backline before the ball is stabbed away by Djourou. The Koreans continue to spurn the chances being gifted to them by the Swiss.

68' Ki-Hyeon Seol is the player that's come on, a forward replacing another one as Park Chu Young did not live up to his hype as "the Asian Rooney".

66' Advocaat takes off Park Chu Young for another attacker, didn't catch his name. A corner for Korea leads to a bouncing header that is tipped over by Zuberbuehler. The following corner is then headed over the bar by Korea.

64' Frei nearly puts the Koreans in the ground as he flashes a drive from the right side of the area past the goalie and it smacks off the crossbar. Senderos has come out of the locker room and sits on the bench, it appears that he has a cast on his arm.

63' An attacker in for a defender as Lee Young Pyo goes off and Ahn Jung Hwan, the hero of World Cup 2002, comes on. Korea must know that time is running out on their World Cup chances.

61' Switzerland are actually getting the better chances on goal, as Korea don't have any answers for the Swiss defensive wall and Barnetta and Yakin continue to find space on the counter-attack. Spycher plays a ball that knocks a passing UFO out of the sky. France scores again in the other game and things are starting to get a little tense here in Hannover.

59' Barnetta sends a stinging half-cross half-shot across the face of the Korean goal, nobody can get a foot onto it and Korea gladly take the goal kick.

58' Frei with a weak shot wide of the far post from a good ball in and he doesn't look sharp at all today.

57' Hakan Yakin gets a yellow a little while back for a yellow card and the news from the other game is that France have gone ahead, meaning that the Koreans must try and get some goals. If things continue as they are, I believe this means that all of the Asian teams will have been eliminated in the group stages (not counting Australia, which won't be in the Asian group until the next World Cup Qualification period).

53' Senderos off, Djourou on as there must be something seriously wrong with Senderos for him to come off for the 19-year-old with a Swiss mother and father from the Ivory Coast.

51' Senderos comes out of the game again, it looked like he might have been holding his hand there, he goes into the locker room, straight down the tunnel, no change as of yet.

48' Lee Chun Soo with a good run down the right side of the Swiss area, Switzerland does well to block his cross and keep it in play. Korea keep the pressure on, looking for that final ball.

47' Crisp passing around the Swiss area by the Koreans, only to see Park Ji Sung give up the ball and the Swiss run the ball up field, Korea clear the ball into touch.

46' The Koreans kick off the second half going left to right. The Koreans are in the white while the Swiss are in the red strips. Lee Ho takes a long shot off of a knockdown and it curls wide of the Swiss goal.

HALFTIME: The Swiss go in to the half with a 1-0 lead after Senderos got above everybody else to head in a free kick. Each team finished the half with a handful of good chances, with the Swiss looking good on set pieces and confused on defense, although the Koreans were unable to take advantage of the chaos at the back. With France and Togo tied at the half, both teams in this game would go through if the result stood, with Switzerland playing Ukraine and Korea getting a rematch with Spain.

Advocaat needs to get the Koreans coming out firing in the second half, it's possible that he'll dip into great cinematic moments of the past and recite Orson Welle's famous speech from "The Third Man":

"In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love—they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."

If you haven't seen it, you should. There's some good zither, man.

47' Swiss corner kick deep in injury time and Frei has a wide-open header at the 6-yard box and sends it well wide of the second post. A horrible effort when it seems like it could have been easier to score. The whistle blows for halftime immediately afterward.

46' Korea now with the momentum in the game and Lee Choo Sun takes another hard, dripping shot that is saved excellently by Zuberbuehler. After the corner is cleared, Choo Sun whips in another shot, wide of the far post. The first shot was really well-placed and forced Zuberbuehler to make a great save to keep the ball out of the net.

45' Another ball is allowed to bounce in the box and Park Chu Young sends a great chance just wide of the near post.

44' Yellow card for Senderos and he has to go get himself patched up again because he's bleeding again. The free kick again pinballs around the box without the Koreans getting a telling touch. Looks like another hand-ball in the box, again hard to avoid.

42' Good cross into the Swiss box and they're at sixes and sevens. They do manage to clear it but it goes straight back to Korea and Lee Choo Sun forces a good save from Zuberbuehler. After the first corner goes over the endline, the second corner causes chaos in the area. Nobody goes after the ball after it comes off a Swiss arm and after it bounces around for a bit, the Koreans knock it over the goal. Smyth thinks it should have been a penalty, it does seem a little harsh, as the arm was held across the front of the chest.

39' Yakin almost picks out Frei on the far post with a cross, the clearance comes straight back to him and he hits a wicked shot that deflects past the goal. The corner kick is fisted out by Lee Woon Jae in a dangerous position as the Swiss are really looking dangerous on the set pieces.

38' Yakin hits a left-footed free kick on frame, Lee Woon Jae goes the safe route and palms it out of play. Korea is lost on the corner kick but eventually clear. The second corner is cleared farther upfield.

36' A sideline shot of Dick Advocaat. Tommy Smyth thinks that retaining a Dutch coach was the right decision for Korea. I guess he wasn't watching Europe 2004, where Advocaat did the best that he could to mess up a Dutch team that could have won it all. Yellow card for Kim Jin Kyu.

34' Free kick from a similar position as the goal, Yakin takes it again and Lee Woon Jae gets to the ball just before an onrushing Wicky. More heads get smacked around as the Koreans play the ball upfield.

31' The Swiss look stronger here as Korea are unable to generate a clear chance for a goal while Switzerland look sharp on the counter. Remember that Korea have made a habit of coming from behind in the World Cup though, so the Swiss shouldn't get complacent here.

26' Frei loops a shot over the ball as Senderos and Choi try and get patched up, the Korean wearing a strange-looking white hairnet to hold a bandage onto his temple.

23' GOOOOOOAAAAALLLL for Switzerland! Off of the free kick following the yellow card, Senderos skies above the defense to power a header into the upper right corner of the goal. Senderos and Choi knock heads on the follow-through from the header and both players come off for treatment, Senderos celebrating the goal as he wears the crimson mask.

23' Yellow for Park Chu Young as he takes down Barnetta from behind, who's been the best player on the pitch so far.

21' Barnetta leads another Swiss counter and they are obviously trying to strike quickly while Korea are still upfield. Cabanas does well to set himself up for a left-footed cross that is cleared by the Koreans.

18' Switzerland get a breakout following a poorly-taken Korean free kick, Cabanas is found offside during the buildup and a good chance goes begging.

17' Frei with a looping volley from 23 yards out, not much velocity on the shot and Lee Woon Jae saves.

15' There's nothing funny about the Swiss team Young Boys. Well, maybe a little, especially when you see a headline like "Hakan Yakin accepts offer from Young Boys".

13' Long shot from Korea is blocked and collected by Senderos, who has emerged as one of the top young defenders in the world with his club team, Arsenal.

12' Frei caught offside for the second time, his timing is a little off and the trap catches him.

10' Barnetta with a great run that's rewarded with a good pass. He has a clean shot at goal from 10 yards out on the right side, he takes too long setting up his shot and the defense gets back to block it. Corner is cleared by Korea.

9' Park Ji Sung, AKA The Oxygen Tank, takes a long shot that has some movement but not a lot of velocity and the keeper holds it with relative ease.

8' Nifty through ball from Barnetta almost puts Frei 1-on-1 with the keeper, who does well to come out and smother the ball.

6' The ball falls for Hakan Yakin in the South Korea area; however, he fails to control the ball and the Koreans do well to clear before winning a free kick deep in their own area.

5' Considering that the teams that advance from this group will play Ukraine and Spain, the odds on Smyth making a "My Fair Lady" joke are fairly good. Neither side able to keep possession right now and the game is fairly chippy.

3' Korea make a great move into the Swiss box, a low cross played across goal fails to find any attackers and the Swiss clear their lines.

1' You are looking liiiiiiiiiive at Hannover, Germany. Broadcast courtesy of ESPN, with my friends Adrian Healy and Tommy Smyth (no "e" and oh, purple horseshoes!) providing the commentary.

PREVIEW: This match has tremendous implications, as no team in this group has clinched qualification and only Togo has been outright eliminated from advancing. Although both Switzerland and Korea have 4 points, 2 more than France, they are aware that France will probably beat Togo, who sits on 0 points. If they do, their goal differential will rize from their current position of 0, while Korea have +1 and Switzerland +2.

If France loses or ties, both Korea and Switzerland will go through with the winner of the game finishing top and Switzerland getting the higher seed if they tie. If they tie and France wins, they must hope that France does so with as small a score as possible.

To sum it (and I didn't cover all the possibilities), Switzerland advances with a tie while Korea can't be sure of anything short of a win, so expect the Koreans to come out attacking.

SWITZERLAND: Switzerland, like the country they play for, is made up of a diaspora of Central European ethnicities. Their coach Kobi Kuhn has concentrated on building a sense of team unity, a concept that is reflected in their style of play, which is concentrated around maintaining a compact formation and attacking on the counter.

Danger Men: Alexander Frei was one of the leading scorers in the French league last year, although he's still to get on track in the Cup. Tranquillo Barnetta is as exciting as his name sounds like a combination sleeping pill-sports car. Watch out for Daniel "Gary" Gygax coming off the bench. Johann Vogel is their most important player and will orchestrate from the middle of the field.

Lineup:

1 Zuberbuehler, Pascal
4 Senderos, Philippe
6 Vogel, Johann
7 Cabanas, Ricardo
8 Wicky, Raphael
9 Frei, Alexander
16 Barnetta, Tranquillo
17 Spycher, Cristoph
20 Mueller, Patrick
22 Yakin, Hakan
23 Degen, Philipp

SOUTH KOREA: South Korea play what a friend described as "lovably archaic football", which means, to those of us who are not acerbic Scots, that they play a physical game based mainly on speed, closing down the opposition and getting the ball into the next by any means possible. They also have the best fans on the planet, capable of out-singing much larger delegations, which means even though Switzerland is right next to Germany, you might hear more from the Koreans.

Danger Men:

Park Ji Sung is the most well-known Korean player, as he plies his trade with Manchester United of England. He also epitomizes the Korean team, as he's fast and fit, not the player with the most flair; however, he gets the job done and never stops working. We'll also get to see Park Chu Young, a rising Korean star who's managed an incredible strike rate in matches for the national team.

Lineup:

1 Lee, Woon Jae
3 Kim, Dong Jin
4 Choi, Jin Cheul
5 Kim, Nam Il
6 Kim, Jin Kyu
7 Park, Ji Sung
10 Park, Chu Young
12 Lee, Young Pyo
14 Lee, Chun Soo
17 Lee, Ho
19 Cho, Jae Jin

Yep, it's France vs. Togo, with everything on the line for the French. As for Togo ... well, we're hoping their country at least pays them enough money to get home.

Your live blogger's name is Nick Bromberg, an amiable chap (unless you happen to like the Kansas Jayhawks). He'll be typing at you the rest of the afternoon, so drop him a line in the comments and Viva La Togo!

——————————————-

2-0 France is the final. They outshot Togo 17-8 and dominated the game in all aspects. It could have definitely been worse, if not for a few miscues after beautiful passes. I hope you all enjoyed my coverage, as I had a lot of fun doing this. France advances to take on Spain, setting up a very intriguing matchup and, as Dave O'Brien wants you to know, Zidane is going to be back.

89: Togo's best chance of the match is a cross that doesn't get near anyone.

86: Togo has essentially given up. No real offensive effort from them. There's no sense of urgency, but at the same time they don't really have anything to play for.

Now Marcelo is complimenting Jorge. I will agree, after a rocky first half, Jorge was nonexistent in the second, and that's the way it should be.

I think Dave O'Brien has a hard on for Zidane. Yes we know he is out. Get over it.

81: Diarra in for Viera.

80: Offsides by a step. Trezeguet had a break going, but was just offside.

79: Viera gets hit on the head and they bring out the ice and the stretcher. thankfully he walks off on his own. Getting taken off on a stretcher and then running back on five minutes later is so ridiculous.

77: Govou in for Ribery.

75: Cross from Silvestre to Trezeguet who send it wide. Dossevi in for Adebayor. Trezeguet has been silent in the second half while Henry has picked it up a little.

74: Malouda is subbed out for France.

72: Agassa picks off a long cross from Ribery. He's been the lone bright spot for Togo. They have had no offensive pressure on Barthez.

70: Heck of a chance for the French but Agassa is able to kick out a lacksadaisical cross.

68: I take back what I was saying earlier, as France keeps pushing the pace. Now they settle back in. If the chances are there, they're not shying away from them.

68: Agassa comes out and kicks the ball away from Trezeguet.

67: Ribery drills a hard cross, but too hard and it skips out.

66: Looks like France is going to pull back a bit now that they have the cushion. It's going to be up to Togo to push the pace and create a couple of scoring chances.

If I understand it correctly. No matter what happens in the other game and as long as France keeps the 2-0 lead. The French are in the next round.

France does seem fairly content to keep pressing and GOAL FRANCE!!!!!! Nice long cross to Henry, who just had one defender on him, and fired a shot across his body and Agassa was helpless. Great assist from Viera, who headed the longball to Henry. (minute 60)

58: Henry attempts a sliding shot from a longball and misses. Might have been partially deflected by Agassa. Henry would have been much better off on his feet.

We'll see if France stays on the attack; or shoves everyone back and plays defensive for the rest of the game.

55: GOAL FRANCE!!!!!!!! Ribery with some nice moves from just inside the goal box, fires a short groundcross to Viera who twirls and fires a rocket into the top right corner. Agassa had no chance. 1-0 France.

53: Great heel pass from Henry leads to a cross to Ribery who had just 7 yards to goal, and wound up kicking it 10 feet over the crossbar. How many times can France give away point blank looks?

51: Shot by Togo sent wide.

50: France is controlling the ball in the Togo zone again, but just like the first half, they can't get anything substantial. Henry really hasn't had any good chances. They've all been from Trezeguet.

45: Togo kicks to start the second half and promptly loses possession once they get inside the French zone.

HALFTIME: Togo is definitely outmatched, but they're busting ass all over the place. Gotta give them credit. They're not playing like they're out of the World Cup. If Agassa wasn't having the game of his life though, it could be 2-0. (And some help on a couple of iffy offsides.)

Cross by Malouda a shade too high and skips out past the goal line. It was actually touched by a Togo defender, corner ensues that once again was snared by Agassa.

One minute of stoppage time.

45: Corner by Malouda easily snared by Agassa. No real chance.

44: Caution! Mamam with a yellow card. Three cards already in the first half. Jorge is not slowing down for anyone.

43: Cross by France sent way too wide. Henry didn't really have a chance.

Is anything more annoying than "If the scores hold up...." There's 50 minutes of soccer left Dave. Come on! A lot can happen and will.

39: HOLY TOLEDO! Shot deflected by Agassa, Trezeguet shoots again, Agassa trips over the ball and has the presence of mind to cover it up before it sneaks across the line! Trezeguet needed to go two feet to the left, he had plenty of net to work with.

38: Henry with a great chance again that's deflected up in the air and Togo clears and begins a fast break. Henry and Trezeguet have really been noticeable in this match. Ribery has also been involved a lot.

37: Caution! Yellow on Azuowanou for a tackle on Viera. (at least I can spell that right.)

This just in Dave O'Brien and Marcelo Balboa are worse than a Hawk Harrelson-Tim McCarver announcing duo would be.

35: Offside on Henry. He was all alone with just one defender coming at an angle from 20 yards away. Could have and probably would have been a goal or at least a very good chance. Once again, it was a very close call. Marcelo says no. Therefore it must not have been offsides.

33: Trezeguet stopped by Agassa. Agassa was sprawled out on the ground but Trezeguet had no chance to get the ball in the air over his head due to the cluster around the goal.

32: Trezeguet goes head over heels over Agassa. Corner for France which is batted out but France retains possession.

30: Jorge reaches into his pocket for the first time, and it's a yellow. Makelele with a late tackle. If Marcelo doesn't like it, it must not have been a cardable offense.

28: Ribery with a great great chance and tried to hit the Mediterreanean. Bad shot. (I called him Marie earlier, I apologize. These names are killing me)

28: Barthez with a shaky save.

28: After a Togo possession on the France side of the field (shocking!) France goes on the fast break, but Agassa snatches the cross out of the air.

26: Makelele attempts to do the Togoan Samba with a Togo player. That's a foul. I've been meaning to ask is a person from Togo a Togon? Togoan?

25: Corner by France. after about two attempts, finally cleared out by Togo.

24: Henry with a chance, but can't control the pass.

And as I just typed that, awesome chance for France but Trezeguet literally whiffs on the shot, and sends a slow dribbler right to Agassa. Should be 1-0.

21: Cross from Silvestre to Trezeguet; headed, but an easy save for Agassa. I am actually shocked that France hasn't scored by now.

Marcelo went off on a rant against Larrionda, then seemed to give him a backhanded compliment. Dumbass.

On that note, our Mr. Belding for the afternoon (I can't believe I forgot to mention this already) is Jorge Larrionda. I'm surprised there haven't been any red cards. Agassa should be out of this game. Those saves were red cardable.

O'Brien says that Henry doesn't need Trezeguet but Trezeguet needs Henry. So basically Trezeguet is AC Slater to Henry's Zack Morris.

17: Too much dribbling by Ribery. Made about 7 cuts. If he would have tried to thread a cross through, I think he would have had a much better chance.

16: Quick shot by Henry goes horribly wide. Resembled much more of a cross than an actual shot. he was almost at point blank range.

15: Our first nomination for an oscar goes to Kader Toure. He's fine. He cried, they gave him a bottle, and now he's back playing.

15: Nice save Agassa on a laser that might have gone wide.

14: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFSIDE! Very close call. Great pass from Henry leading to a cross to Trezeguet who put it in the back of the net while Agassa was complaining about offside. Trezeguet was *maybe* a half step ahead of the defense.

13: Cross to Trezeguet cleared out partially by Togo. France retains possession on the Togo side of midfield.

12: France keeping the pressure on. Togo steals it, bad cross forces a shot on the side of the net.

9: Barthez punches out a cross by Togo. They're finally off of their heels and don't look like a team of fifth graders. Balboa says Barthez is the weak link for France. All I know is that Coupet is the starting goalie in Fifa World Cup 06, so maybe he's right.

8: Togo with some offense of their own. Couldn't make anything of it. 2 on 5 wasn't going to work.

7: Trezeguet already making an impact. Header deflected just over the bar by Agassa. Nice save.

7: Trezeguet tripped up inside the box. No call.

5: France still in Togo's zone. Although they have only had one real chance, it's only a matter of time until France gets one in the back of the net.

The dude in the picture looks like Leon Carosi from Saved By The Bell. Just saying.

3: France is keeping the ball on the attack. Just wide by Trezeguet. You can already tell that France is the better team. Hell, with all of Togo's money drama, maybe the French gave them a tidy sum to fold up......

2: Henry's cross deflected and cleared downfield by Togo.
Lineups:

Togo
Agassa, Nibombe, Abalo, Tchangai, Aziawonou, Cherif-Toure, Senaya, Salifou, Forson, Mohamed, Adebayor

France
Barthez, Gallas, Silvestre, Thuram, Sagnol, Malouda, Makelele, Vieira, Ribery, Trezeguet, Henry

The game is in Cologne. So maybe the French won't smell bad. (Bad joke.) Trezeguet will be joining Henry on the front line to try to ignite the attack. No Zidane because of his two yellows.

(In best Jim Mora voice:) PAINTBALL? We're talking PAINTBALL? Whew. After a few tense minutes, the Worldwide Idiot In Sports finally switched over to the soccer game.

But still: It's Spain vs. Saudi Arabia, your other Friday morning matchup. We found little in common between these teams, or their countries, so we're not going to try to stretch a metaphor here.

The beautiful music that is live-blogging is going to come from the ravishing Martha Fischer, one of the top bloggers at Cinematical, an excellent comprehensive movie blog. She's ready to rock, so join her in the comments, and let's light this candle.

——————-
So, that's it. Spain take a half off and still easily beat KSA. They win the group and go through with the lovely Sheva and his Ukrainian teammates. Though KSA leaves with basically nothing, if there's any justice in the world, Mohammed Noor will be given an oil field or 4 when he gets home.

Sorry, readers, not even KSA will distract you any more. If you're on the east coast, lunch break! If not, back to work. Oh, and Prairie Home Companion? Not so much with the worth seeing. Mostly just really disappointing, because it could have been so much better.

Extra time: How on earth has the official gotten 3 minutes of extra time out of this half? Has he lost his whistle? The fans are whistling about the added time, though it's unclear (again) if they're disgusted Spaniards or merciful KSA supporters. Aaaand there's the whistle. Thanks for playing, KSA. Have a good flight home.

Extra time: Here comes Noor, bitches. OH! Al Temyat hits a nice crossing ball from the corner of the box; it's just beyond the reach of the magnificent Noor. That dude has not stopped running for a second, nor is he pausing pout like, say, Nedved likes to do, to make sure we all know just how hard he's trying.

90th minute: Another corner for Spain. Someone is hugging David Villa in the box. So much touching.

89th minute: Noor (who else) takes the ball the Spanish end line and lays it back perfectly for al Harthi, who thanks him by shooting the ball straight up. Noor has every right to mercilessly beat each of his teammates when the game ends. He rocks.

88th minute: Blah blah singing passing blah.

85th minute: The game has deteriorated into a hideous mess. Spain is fouling a lot because they can't be bothered to play, and KSA can't ever do enough with possession to actually threaten goal. Torres gets his shirt pulled in the box, and no one cares, not even him. He's thinking about his hair, and the ladies. Ladies love the giant, semi-dyed mohawk, don't you know.

84th minute: Foul by Noor. Is there an award for busiest player of the tournament?

82nd minute: Dangerous free kick from Massad's foul. It's one of those scary, untouched free kicks that turns into fairly impressive save because the keep is waiting for it to be redirected. Blondie slid over the endline making the save, but he's saved from giving up a corner by a phantom foul somewhere.

81st minute: As punishment for the crummy free kick, Sulimani is taken off and replaced by Massad, who instantly wins a free kick by jumping up the air and screaming when a Spaniard entered his airspace. Well done, sir.

80th minute: Oh for god's sake. Sulimani pounds it well-over the goal. Would you people make blondie make a save, please?

79th minute: I'll give you one guess who drove that last KSA attack. It's all-Noor, all the time around here. And, if it's possible for a team so much better than its opponents to humiliate themselves, Spain are doing a pretty good job of it. The last KSA attack was 2 on 8, and they won a dangerous free kick. Oh boy! Spanish keeper in action! He's telling them what to do with the wall and is being completely ignored. Excellent.

77th minute: Wow, the Spanish fans are seriously pissed. The whistles of disgust are nearly deafening. Well, now the Saudis are whistling too to protest a non-call on a "penalty," so it's hard to tell who is more angry. Just to be contrary, the announcers are saying that al Temyat's card for diving was undeserved. I have no opinion on the matter, because I've ceased to care.

72nd minute: Noor seems to have replicated himself at halftime: He's making every useful midfield touch by the KSA, as well as 90% of the tackles. Why, I may just cast my text message man of the match vote for him, because I want Julie Foudy to know what I think.

71st minute: And, in this game, KSA have their second and third corners, neither of which results in a shot, though the second was somewhat threatening.

71st minute: Sheva! Goal for Ukraine. Awesome.

70th minute: The bad news is that Reyes is off. The good news is that Tores and his mental patient-style haircut has come on to replace him. You've got to give him some points for taking his sartorial tips from Guti.

69th minute: Sulmani runs into a nice through ball from the midfield and hits a good shot at Canizares who flops helpessly but manages to get a fingertip on the ball. Corner #1 for KSA. They do nothing with it.

68th minute: Aw, Al Jaber just came off, mostly likely ending his World Cup career. He did score that one exciting goal against Tunisia, at least he has that to take home.

66th minute: Ah, it's Xavi. And Fabregas escapes the game cardless. Rob Stone is upset he was un-titillated by the lad. Rob, keep your personal life to yourself, please.

65th minute: Wow, even the Spanish fans are bored. If I'm not mistaken, they're wearing those sunglasses to disguise the fact that they're sleeping. Oh, here comes a sub! I can't tell who it is yet, but the racist Spanish coach is busy firing him up with all sorts of anti-Muslim slurs; he'll be on in a minute.

65th minute: You know what ad I really like? The Vonage one with the guy in the lobster suit. I feel no need to get Vonage, but does anyone know where I can get me one of them lobster costumes? Those things are hilarious.

62nd minute: KSA period of threat over. Spain are playing a game of "How Many Passes in a Row Around the Other Team's Box." The total at 45, they take pity and shoot.

60th minute: And, right on cue, he tries to settle a backpass and has it bounce 6 feet away. Canizares, you complete me.

59th minute: I want to see more of Canizares, the ancient Spanish keeper. His peroxided mullet combined with his knee pads and utter inability to settle the ball are making him my favorite clown of the tournament. David Beckham, you've been superseded.

59th minute: The announcers are trying to instill drama in the game by talking about defensive carelessness and pretending that giving up a goal will make any difference at all. To anyone.

57th minute: Whoa — the hideously-coiffed Spanish keeper just had to make a save off a reasonably threatening shot from long range. KSA have spent more time in the attacking half in the past 10 minutes than they did the entire first half. If I cared, I'd say something like "Get in, KSA!"

55th minute: Shit. KSA's decision to put together a coherent attack coincided with a)my unwise decision to accidentally unplug my airport, and b)My computer's decision to shut down due to low power, sending me scrambling for a power source. So I have no idea what happened, but it's still 1-0.

51st minute: KSA really want to attack, but whenever they try to throw numbers forward, they give the ball away and end up exhibiting more desperation than ... people who are really desperate. Uh oh, KSA keeper down. If Zaid goes out, they'll lose the player who has had the most touches today. Noor can't do it all himself, people!

50th minute: Oooooh David Villa (it's a little-known fact that Bob's his uncle) in alone wide, plays it back to Lopez who rips it low; well-saved by the keeper, leading to corner #29 for Spain.

48th minute: More of the same. Really, this is gorgeous football. KSA are standing in for cones, and Spain are just knocking the ball around at will. At the risk of sounding like a posing announcer, their interplay around the box is really wonderful.

47th minute: Whoa, for a second there I thought KSA were attacking. Forgot about that whole changing-ends thing.

46th minute: David Villa will come on for Raul, since they were both supposed to play just a half. It's offical: Soul Patch (or dirty lower-lip) for Bushy Hair.

In non-KSA-Spain news (thank god), the Portugal-Holland game on Monday should be fantastic. Two years ago in the Euros the Portuguese totally humiliated the whining Dutch (it was only bald colossus Jaap Stam that kept the score from being about 6-0) on their way to a second-place finish in the tournament. Actually, the game was sort of like this one — Portugal were that dominating. Really. Of course, if you ask Ruud van Horseface, the loss was entirely due to the officials. Freaking pussy.

Score in reality: 1-0. Score, in practical terms: 7045-0. Spain are toying with KSA, and there's nothing the Saudis can do about it. It actual makes me sad when I stop watching the pretty passing and look instead at the exhausted KSA players running their legs off in a desperate effort to not give up double-digit goals. If a tie meant anything to anyone, there might be SOME interest in the game, because KSA's countering (Read: Win the ball and slam it forward before you can lose it) is always vaguely threatening, in a half-hearted sort of way. But, since they'll only go through with a big win (*snort*) and a loss by the now-a-man-up Ukraine (*giggle*), there's really nothing here to keep us from wandering off.

So, it's the half. Educate us, Julie Foudy and your creepy eyes. (Oh look, the Portuguese flag just drifted by on the silly background screen. Mmm ... Figo.) Goody goody, more whining about the US game — what could be better than that AND Foudy at the same time? Be still my soccer-loving heart. Sigh.

Extra time: The announcers have commenced ignoring the game before them and are instead giving Ronaldo a tongue bath. Dudes, we know he scored twice. He's still fat and slow, and loads of fun to make fun of. Oh, it's halftime. Time to pee, excuse me.

Extra time: Crummy free kick from Reyes. KSA responds by hoofing the ball long and hey, a throw in across midfield! Go KSA! Oh, nevermind. Turnover.

45th minute: I think Stone just called an upcoming game a "tilt." Why is he still speaking?

43rd minute: Joaquin pulls about 4 semi-Cruyffs in the box, resulting in a gift-wrapped pass to Reyes, who has the keeper pretty much at his mercy. So he hits it at his feet, and the keeper gets down well to save it. As a chance of pace, Spain wins a deep throw in rather than a corner.

41st minute: Look, I know I'm taking about Reyes a lot and all, but the thing is that Spain is attacking down the left side about 95% of the time (which is another reason Noor has so much to do). Normally the lack of variety would be bad, but since it works almost every time, there's really no reason to change things.

40th minute: Off another long ball, Al Jaber has a half chance. Unfortunately, I took over his body at just the wrong moment and he tepidly passed the ball the Spanish keeper. Which was good, because he wasn't quite up off his rocking chair yet when the ball was struck.

38th minute: Rob Stone has stopped talking about the game (good) but replaced that mindless chatter with "witty banter" about the nutty Spanish announcers (bad). I just shot him, though, which should put an end to that nonsense. My own inevitable legal troubles are a small price to pay for temporary relief.

36th minute: GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLL! Jesus, not much doubt about that one. Off a free kick from the left (stemming from a nice dive by Reyes, followed by a perfect ball into the box), Juanito heads a laser into the upper left-hand corner of the goal. The KSA keeper still hasn't moved.

35th minute: Noor, the only KSA player who is doing much that's very effective (most of it involving desperate defending), was just clipped by behind by Reyes, who was pissed to have the ball stolen from him. Noor's actually won the ball from him a couple of times, it's just that Reyes usually gets it back and therefore doesn't feel the need to hurt him.

34th minute: Doh! Al Jaber offside. Again. He can be forgiven for the offense, though — he's only been in the national side for 49 years and is still a little unclear on the rules.

32nd minute: Raul has a weak penalty appeal denied; insert American belly-aching here. Raul's hair is quite long these days — he clearly hopes the length will make us overlook his growing bald spot.

30th minute: Another great long-range shot from Spain results in another lame corner. Spain, those dudes in the box wearing read are on YOUR team. Their heads would be a good place to put these corners, rather than in the other corner of the field.

29th minute: Great strike by Albeda from a bit of in-the-box busy-ness by Fabregas, well-saved by KSA keeper. Yet another corner.

27th minute: You know, KSA actually are often a touch or two from a good chance. Their long balls (huh huh) forward are pretty good, it's just settling them and keeping them that's causing problems. There was just a card, by the way. And yes, it was bascially underserved. As if you had to ask.

24th minute: KSA coach Gabriel Calderon is annoyed by the proceedings. You and me both, Gabriel. He is, however, hiding his tears of humiliation well. It's only a matter of time before Gabe gets on the phone to start lining up his next job as a coaching mercenary (I'm saying it'll happen before the half.) I hear the US may need a gaffer soon ...

22nd minute: To their credit, KSA 5-man backline (a formation frequently implemented by teams that need a whole lot of goals) is working. They can't keep the ball, but they're effectively throwing themselves in the way often enough to keep their keeper from being too seriously challenged. Plus, Spain keep missing the goal.

21st minute: Reyes is pretty much having his way with KSA. Every time the ball ends up at his feet, he beat a defender or six. They're lucky he can't hit the goal.

18th minute: Arg. Reyes just missed a gift. Wide open in the box, he hits it right at the keeper. At least he looked good doing it.

16th minute: Oooooh. Reyes skinned KSA's right back, dumped it to Raul, which freed Joaquin for a great chance at the top of the box. He hit it over, possibly aided by the keeper's figure. Free kick, though.

14th minute: Aziz is done. Poor dude.

12th minute: Oh DIRTY. Raul picked up a floated pass on the endline, at the edge of the 6 yard box and tries to nut the defender. He missed the nut, but did get the ball through, though he was foiled by the keeper.

11th minute: Uh oh. Aziz's hurt, possibly because he tried to be fancy and yanked his hammie. The treatment on the sideline is the most action KSA has enjoyed thus far in the match.

9th minute: I spoke too soon! Noor actually executed an effective tackle and won the ball. Leading to, inevitably, a horrendously-executed free kick by KSA. Aaaand we're going the other way.

9th minute: Ok, seriously. This is already sad. Spain are bossing the midfield, and keeping the ball at will. Is it possible KSA forgot to send on all 11 players?

6th minute: Alert, Rob Stone said something sort of funny — and relevant! "Five minutes and still, no yellow cards!" In other news, Spain hasn't lost since 2004. As if KSA needed another reason to throw in th towel.

5th minute: Ooooh first chance for Spain. Raul lost it up top but things worked out conveniently for pretty Reyes to get in a dangerous cross.

Oh man. KSA are so screwed — it's taken Spain's new 11 all of 5 minutes to start kicking their asses.

3rd minute: For once, KSA's old man striker is not the most ancient player on the field. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Spain's new keeper, Santiago Canizares. He was born in 1902, and keeps a walker behind the goal, just in case.

2nd minute: Hey, first free kick of the game goes to KSA! They won something!

2nd minute: Yes, that's right: 11 new starters for Spain. Do you get the feeling they're taking this lightly? The sad thing, of course, is that KSA are, too.

1st minute: Ah, piss. No Shep Messing. I was praying for Shep to keep us entertained.

Welcome, everyone bored enough at work to read about Spain's b-team mercilessly thrashing the hapless lads from Saudi Arabia! I'll do my best to keep you up to date on the happenings, while simultaneously staring at the upper right-hand corner of the screen for updates on the efforts of my Sheva to make it to the next round. Which won't happen if they lose. Or tie, should KSA manage to beat Spain by roughly 32 goals.

Since he's carrying a yellow, Puyol has joined the masses on the bench. Defying all logic, however, similarly yellow-carded Cesc Fabregas is in the starting lineup. (If things get really boring, there's a chance updates will consist entirely of his proximity to the ball, and if he looks like he's thinking about whacking someone. You've been warned.)

There's also no Casillas, no David Villa, no Xavi and no Xabi Alonso. Yawn. In good news, however, Reyes is starting. Mmm ... cheekbones.

So, it's Ukraine vs. Tunisia. It might not necessarily be the most marquee matchup, but that doesn't mean it's not important. Because it is. It's important. And so are you. Don't ever let anyone make you think otherwise.

Your live-blogger is Craig Barker, who has been around these here live-blogging parts before. He was pretty good then and he'll be pretty good now; follow along in the comments, and enjoy a peppy Friday morning.

End Game:
And that's the final whistle. Ukraine 1, Tunisia 0. The Ukraine advances to the round of 16, the second debutante in this World Cup to make it out of group play, along with the Black Stars of Ghana.

And that's all she wrote. I want to thank all of you who hung out with me as I did these Liveblogs and left your comments. It was a great deal of fun and I want to sincerely thank Will for the oppurtunity. He have me a chance, and I just hope I didn't screw things up too much. Have a great day and enjoy the rest of the tournament. —CDB

Stoppage Time: And now a sub for Tunisia, Nafti out and Ghodhbane in. Three extra minutes. One of my friends is a referee and he likes to say that if no one notices him, he's done his job well. The only guy I have noticed today...oh, so close on a header for Tunisia. That was Planes, Trains and Automobiles close. Now, with just one minute of stoppage time left, everyone decides to pick up the pace. Hmm, Tunisia's attack blunted, and now the Ukrainians with numbers and speed on the counter and a wonderful shot, but well defended by Tunisia. And a corner for Ukraine, played out harmlessly.

90th minute: Sure, another booking...this one to Jaidi. Free kick for Ukraine away from the penalty area, and they try to play a give and go...and nothing.

89th minute: Oh NOW Ukraine decides to try something. Again, second verse same as the first. Oh, wow, the sub has clearly come in with some energy, and a nice save by Boumnijel.

88th minute: Last sub for Ukraine as they get Shevchenko out of the game and Milevskiy comes in. This is a move clearly for protection of your bread and butter.

87th minute: Yeah, you know, I don't know the 40-year old goalkeeper will be back in 2010 Shep. Call it a hunch.

86th minute: A nice shot by Trabelsi that is wide. Hey, it's a shot, it's something.

85th minute: How bad is this? Glenn and Shep are talking about what's coming up on Cold Pizza, beyond just the promo spot. It's that bad.

84th minute: Wow, the Ukrainians almost had something there, like getting six digits of a phone number at a bar.

83rd minute: Again, Sepp Blatter looks, well not pissed, but bored out of his mind. And he's the head of FIFA for crying out loud.

82nd minute: In Fever Pitch, Nick Hornby wrote that one of the criteria for a game being truly memorable is some sort of distasteful incident. While I will do my best to forget this game when it's over, the dubious Tunisian red card, the no call handball and the PK would be a set of distasteful incidents and I would feel horrible if Tunisia is knocked out of the World Cup on that front.

81st minute: The Ukrainians looked like the had something, but the Tunisians quickly closed. The Ukrainians quickly reset, the Tunisians are, again right there.

80th minute: Trabelsi with a header that is easily handled.

79th minute: Shevchenko dribbles in deep, but is met with stern Tunisian defense. And now we have a pair of subs for Tunisia: Bouazizi out, and Ben Sadda in, and Chedli out and the naturalized Brazilian Santos in.

78th minute: The free kick was a good idea whose time hadn't come, like the Tucker.

77th minute: Hmm, Glenn and Shep have jumped back on the Ukrainian bandwagon. It's an odd switch, but you know. Free kick for Ukraine.

76th minute: You know, I love that all soccer announcing uses the phrase "the unfortunate incident" to describe a red card. It's right up there with "the recent unpleasantness."

75th minute: OK, we've got another Ukrainian substitution: Kalinichenko Out and Gusin in.

74th minute: Credit to Tunisia, despite all of the breaks going against them, they look like they are going to go down fighting. Maybe the Tunisians needs to march in straight lines to hide their numbers.

73rd minute: The Berlin crowd is still unhappy with this match, and you can't blame them. Maybe we could airlift them a quality sporting event, like an MLL game or the Booz Allen second round.

72nd minute: OK, here's the thing. I'm not saying diving is right, but if your team is tied 0-0 and needs a spark and you have a feel for the ref, you embellish a little, take the dive in the box and see what happens. The fact that the ref calls it works for you, even if you don't deserve it. As Herm Edwards likes to remind us "You play...to win...the game."

71st minute: Hmm, Glenn and Shep have clearly turned on the Ukrainians. They basically said it was an undeserved PK, on top of the uncalled hand ball for Tunisia.

70th minute: And yep, they have called a penalty kick. Shevchenko was fouled on that last play, and here's the 12th PK of the tournament and as you might expect Shevchenko goes right, the goalie goes left, he finishes and Ukraine takes a 1-0 lead.

69th minute: Shep's still harping on the no call handball, and while I agree, it's a blown call, it's also over. Oh, and bad defense by the Tunisians leads to a chance for Shevchenko.

68th minute: It has been pointed out that no team a man down has scored during the 2006 World Cup. Our friends from Paraguay were the last to do so, scoring a pair in the 2002 WC.

67th minute: You know, I'm trying not to play favorites, but at least Tunisia looks like they care.

66th minute: And the Tunisian corner kick leads to...another Tunisian corner. And the second corner leads to a masssive collision in the box, and a goal kick.

65th minute: OK, something sort of exciting here. A booking of Rusol leads to a dangerous free kick just outside the penalty area for Tunisia. And the kick, goes into the wall and deflects out. And the replay shows that, yeah, that was a hand ball in the box. For sure. But it's a corner kick for Tunisia.

64th minute: Still nothing yet.

63rd minute: I haven't heard this much whistling from Germans outside of a Scorpions song. There's a shot into the penalty area for Ukraine, but nope.

62nd minute: If I didn't have a little bit of integrity, I would just start making up a much more exciting game for you guys. You deserve better.

61st minute: Wow, I think Shep is channeling Donald Ramp, the chess coach played by Jim Belushi in a 1980s SNL sketch. "Oh sure, just give him the yellow card!" In this case it went to Tymoschuk, who apparently has side effects.

60th minute: The late John Spencer was born to an Irish father and Ukrainian mother in New Jersey. Best known for playing attorney Tommy Mullaney on L.A. Law and Chief of Staff Leo McGarry on The West Wing, Spencer's character had one of his finest moments in show history with the story about the guy in the hole (scroll down a little).

59th minute: This space for rent.

58th minute: I knew I should have done more research...Seriously, I wish I could describe the vast nothingness that is happening here. I love this game, and this is very painful.

57th minute: Oooh, bad no call by the ref. Tunisia got a little hosed there. A clear foul that was not called.

56th minute: You know, Glenn's right, HD is beautiful. This game, not so much.

55th minute: As you may have noticed, I haven't been able to drop many "Famous Tunisians" into the blog, but it's not for lack of effort. But, what Tunisia lacks in quantity, they make up for in quality: Hannibal. The "father of military strategy", Hannibal is best known today for being the nicknamesake of a leader of a team of soldiers of fortune that can be found in the Los Angeles underground as well as having a parade held in his honor in Terror Lake.

Or, if you want to be serious about it: Hannibal's legacy extends to the field of military history, as he is universally ranked as one of the greatest military strategists and tacticians of the Western world, alongside Epaminondas, Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Robert E. Lee, Scipio, Gustavus Adolphus, Erwin Rommel, Turenne, The Duke of Marlborough, and Frederick the Great. You beat up the Romans for a couple of years, you make the history books. You use elephants to cross the Alps, everyone remembers you (even if only one elephant survived the journey.)

OK, Ukraine is going to their bench, it's Rebrov, REBROV, out and Vorobey in.

54th minute: Every time they say Tymoschuk, I swear I hear Temocil. I miss Arrested Development.

53rd minute: Tymoschuk...OK, wait, Shep just suggested that Boumnijel may have had a few too many cheeseburgers. Isn't that against the rules of Halal? I mean, I know it's not kosher.

52nd minute: Boumnijel handles a sort of nothing shot with ease.

51st minute: Shot just rolls into Shovkovskiy, nothing big. Tunisia will try and reset. The operative word being try, as they fail and now the Ukrainians look to set up.

50th minute: Fun fact on Tunisia: Tunisia was the site of the first European Tour event outside of Europe, the Tunisian Open.

Shep and Glenn mention that the crowd is disaffected. I can't blame them. I want to start performing percussive maintainence on my television: "Stupid TV, be more funny!"

49th minute: Now a free kick for Tunisia in the Ukrainian zone, and it's headed out harmlessly for a goal kick...no, wait, my bad, it's a Tunisian foul.

48th minute: Fun fact on the joke everyone has made during the last three weeks: In the game of Risk, Tunisia is lumped into "North Africa"

I give credit to the robot that writes the Yahoo! Matchcast summary, he's way better at making nothing sounds like it's something.

47th minute: Ooop, and now Shelayev will earn a booking for the Ukraine. A card to match his jersey.

46th minute: Oh, a half that's very important to the Ukraine? Really. In a World Cup? No!

Ukraine kicks off and let's see if they can do something here, but I'm not hopeful. Hey, congrats to Oregon State for advancing to the CWS finals. That's what you get for stealing Homer Simpson's pants.

Halftime: You know, during World Cup 2002, ESPN's promos used Course of Nature's "Caught in the Sun" to promote the USMNT games. And it wasn't a bad song. I love U2, but it's just seemed very forced. At least when they NFL used the lads to promote the playoffs three seasons ago, they chose the semi-obscure "Until the End of the World".

Hmm, did you know you can vote for the T-Mobile Man of the Match starting in the 75th minute? Why didn't they start doing this sooner.

Better know a World Cup host venue: Berlin's Olympiastadion: Designed by Werner March, the Stadium played host to the 1936 Summer Olympics, best known for American track and field athlete Jesse Owens winning four gold medals in a single games, helping thumb a nose at Hitler's eugenic theories of Nazi superiority. Surviving World War II with little damage beyond machine gun strikes, the complex served as the home of the British military occupation force in Berlin until 1994. Renovated for this World Cup, it is now the second largest football facility in Germany behind Signal Iduna Park in Dortmund.
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Stoppage Time: Oh, thankfully, just one minute of stoppage time. Long shot punched up and over Boumnijel's head. And now, oh WOW, we have a red card! Oh and it's Jaziri being sent off his second yellow of the match. Sure, let's just take away some offensive punch from this SCORELESS match. Tunisia will play the entire second half a man down.

45th minute: Corner kick for Ukraine, but it goes way outside and nothing doing.

44th minute: FIFA head Sepp Blatter has been studying at the school of David Stern facial displeasure. Hmm, I wonder who the football world's Mark Cuban is. Actually, wait, no I don't, I know that one.

43rd minute: Fun fact on Tunisia: Our resident Middle East expert informs us that it has had a total of 2 presidents since 1957. Habib Bourguiba (1957-1987) and current president Zine El Abidin Ben Ali (1987- ). I have nothing to add to this, other than it reminds my L.A. bureau of the old Dennis Miller line about the ever-increasing size of 7-11 beverages: "I'm feeling a little bit parched, Habib, do you have anything in a depth-charge sized drink?"

Oh and Bouazizi gets booked for Tunisia.

42nd minute: Sartre maintained that "Hell is other people." I'm pretty sure this is close to that. Like a charming community garden in suburban Hell.

41st minute: ...

40th minute: Oh and for Title IX purposes, more famous Ukrainians, or at least people of Ukrainian descent:
* American figure skater Sasha Cohen
* Actress Milla Jovovich.
* Indie rock's Neko Case (as a recommendation, Fox Confessor Brings the Flood is quite the album.)
* Actress Mila Kunis (shut up Meg.)

Free kick forward for the Ukrainians and Jaidi comes back on.

39th minute: Now a counter by the Tunisians, let's see what they can do...nothing. OK, at least you're consistent.

38th minute: ZZZZZ...oh, sorry, uh, yeah, now a back spasm for Tunisian defender Jaidi marks the most interesting thing to happen.

37th minute: More famous Ukrainians, or at least people of Ukrainian descent:
* Igor Sikorsky, who invented the helicopter, which is always a good fact to remember.
* Sergey Korolev, who developed Sputnik.
* Carl Sagan, America's foremost pop astronomer.
* Flip Saunders, the most successful regular season coach in Detroit Pistons' history.
* Mike Royko, the legendary Chicago newspaperman.
* George and Ira Gershwin, the famous 20th century musical duo.
* Herb Alpert, of Tijuana Brass fame.
* Randy Bachman, the musical genius behind both the Guess Who and Bachman-Turner Overdrive.
You know, I didn't think I'd be able to work in another BTO reference, but as usual, I'm just takin' care of business.

Goal kick for Ukraine, who are now being told to just get to the locker room with the tie, and really, I can't blame them.

36th minute: Oh look, Spain's scored. That's the most exciting thing that's happened in THIS game. More back and forth in the midfield, and like a photographic dark room with poorly covered windows, nothing's developing.

35th minute: Glenn, seriously, you can concede the first goal to Tunisia, we have proof. Free kick for Ukraine, but it's long and over the top. Goal kick for Tunisia.

34th minute: Chedli gets a counter attack off the left foot and the shot goes wide. You get the feeling if it keeps up like this, it's going to be a night in Tunisia, a long night in Tunisia.

33rd minute: Long ball into the Ukrainian 18, and Shovkovskiy flies to the ball and snags it. Man's got some mad ups in there.

32nd minute: I knew it...32 flavors. Oooh and now Shevchenko with a chance that leads to a corner for Ukraine, which they proceed to waste. Bruce Arena is so proud of them for that.

31st minute: Shovkovskiy easily handles the service and then runs up and throws the ball out to his players. He sort of looks like Steve Nash, so it's a little weird to see him look like he's running the point there. And an offside for Tunisia.

30th minute: Fun fact on Tunisia: Our resident Middle East expert reminds me that Tunis was home of the Arab League between 1979 to 1989 (while Egypt was on time out for working with Israel).

You know, the blue track at the stadium is a lovely color and WOW, we have a corner for Tunisia. Something tangible I can describe!

29th minute: Tunisia is resetting. Can we put a cheat code on this game or something? Ukraine's attack is ill concieved and easily handled.

28th minute: Both teams seem to have picked up on the quick whistle and are now just looking for the calls. I think it's really bad, Mnari of Tunisia just got called for a foul on Dwyane Wade.

27th minute: Oh, in case you're wondering, still tied Spain/Saudis at zeroes. Just back and forth in the midfield.

26th minute: Hmm, possession has been split evenly at 50-50. Fouls are almost even. And the score is still 0-0.

25th minute: Hockey geek interlude: Due to his Ukrainian heritage, legendary NHL netminder Terry Sawchuk was known as "Uke". Similarly, tragic Maple Leaf player Bill Barilko is thought to also be of Ukrainian-Canadian descent. So, get your Fifty Mission Caps on.

Glenn says that you want to get that Tunisia is definitely a team you want to get the first goal against. Because the 0-1-1 record in this World Cup when getting the first goal means, what exactly?

24th minute: OK, I'll give credit to Ukraine, they have picked it back up again and are amping the pressure back up on Tunisia.

23rd minute: Now alien paratroopers have stormed the stadium and are demanding to meet with our leader, Regis. OK, not really, I just wanted to see if you were still with me. In reality, a decent cross into Shevchenko is easily handled.

22nd minute: Tunisia's counterattacking as I damn the mute graphic on my television covering the seconds on the scorebox (this is why I haven't been more specific. Sorry gang.)

21st minute: OK, here's a free kick for Tunisia, and it's headed out of the box and now here's a counter for the Ukraine and a shot right there, nice effort, and that seems to have brought Ukraine back to life.

20th minute: Wait, NOW the game has dropped a couple of notches? We already had nothing and now we're below that. What's less than square one? Negative bupkis?

19th minute: The shot goes over the wall and is right on. And now the Ukrainian counter attack by Gusev is met by a hard foul, leading to a Ukrainian free kick, and that is easily handled by the 40-year old keeper, Boumnijel.

18th minute: Ooh, a yellow card to Sviderskiy of Ukraine and a free kick Tunisia.

17th minute: This is my third game, I should know how to describe interludes of Seinfeldian nothingness yet, but I guess its the Risk you take.

16th minute: Now we see Ukraine with another free kick deep in the Tunisian zone, but it's headed out by Tunisia for a Ukraine throw-in.

15th minute: History geek interlude: As my Middle East expert reminds me, the Ukraine and Tunisia were both sites of major resistance to Nazi advances during World War II. Tunisia is the site of Kaserine Pass, one of the worst military defeats in American history. It's also the one that General Omar Bradley was surveying the aftermath of during the first scenes of Patton (not the one with the speech, the scene after that.) "Rommel, you magnificent bus stop, I read your book!"

The Ukraine is the site of Kiev, which was designated a "Hero City" of the Soviet Union in 1961 for its efforts in turning back the advances of the Wermarcht. "According to the statute, the hero city is issued the Order of Lenin, the Gold Star medal, and the certificate of the heroic deed (gramota) from the Presidium of the Supreme Soviet of the USSR. Also, the corresponding obelisk is installed in the city."

OK, now Ukraine is in deep, but Tunisia is defending well.

14th minute: A foul gives Tunisia a free kick just over the midfield stripe. Nothing.

13th minute: Offside for the Ukraine, which is nice, just because it's different. Long ball by Tunisia, saved well near the corner by Trabelsi, but nothing doing.

12th minute: In the immortal words of Homer Simpson, "I've seen plays, honest to God PLAYS, that were more exciting than this."

11th minute: You know, in the first 11 minutes, Shep and Glenn have asked questions that have resulted in them not taking anything away from Spain, Saudi Arabia, Ghana, and Germany. Wow, they've already run through 1/8 of the field.

10th minute: Shep thinks that Ukraine needs to dictate a faster pace in this game. I think they need to dictate ANY pace in this game.

9th minute: ...Back and forth

8th minute: In my research, I discovered that legendary comic book artist Steve Ditko is of Ukrainian descent, which is cool, because it means I can work a reference to The Question into this somewhere.

There's really no flow in this game yet, and all ready the German crowd is whistling at the teams on the pitch. It's a warm afternoon in Berlin and now here's a wide run by Jaziri for Tunisia and he goes now and now he'll be booked for taking a dive.

7th minute: A nice long ball by Tunisia, but Ukraine is more than up to the task.

6th minute: This is the first ever meeting between these two sides, which, you'd expect, since Ukraine has only been footballing internationally since 1992. Still just a lot of midfield play.

5th minute: A lot of action in the middle, and now Tunisia plays a long ball in, but the Ukrainians make short work of it.

4th minute: A free kick for Ukraine, let's see what they can do with it. And the answer would be a Donovan-like nothing. Wasted set piece.

3rd minute: A little danger for Tunisia, but now they've pulled it back together and eventually get it clear.

2nd minute: Ukrainian attack does nothing and the Tunisians send it in deep and harmless. Definitely in the feeling out stages, as you might expect. The teams both look a little nervous. Now here'a break for Ukraine, but quick defensive recovery by Tunisia.

1st minute: The Tunisians push deep into the corner, but the Ukrainians get it out. A midfield back and forth sees the Ukrainians get it out and set up.

Pre-Game: Yeah, I knew I couldn't be lucky forever, it's Glenn Davis and Shep Messing on the call. The Ukrainians are in the all yellow, the Tunisians in all red. It's food, folks, and fun.
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Another day, I call and never speak, and you would say, nothing's changed at all.

Hello again ladies and gentlemen, my name's Craig Barker, and I'll be taking you through the next ninety minutes of action from Olympiastadion in Berlin, final match of Group H...Tunisia facing off against Ukraine. Somehow, I've ended up with a game of actual import to liveblog and the stakes are very simple. Tunisia, win or go home. Ukraine, win (or draw) or go home.

Oh, and let's just get this out of the way now:
The opinions and information provided in this entry are for entertainment purposes only and are the sole responsibility of the author. These opinions do not represent the official statements or views of his employer. The author does not condone any illegal behaviors mentioned or hinted at in the entry. Alright, back to the funny.

The Zbirna of the Ukraine are participating in their first World Cup as an independent nation. Zbirna, which, from what NPR tells me, essentially means "Total", are the successors to the backbone of the Soviet Union's footballing prowess, especially Dynamo Kiev, which was the KGB backed club team in the Ukraine's capital. While several Ukrainian-born players chose to player for Russia as the Soviet successor state, the Ukraine has finally emerged into its own as a footballing power. Led by Chelsea striker and 2004 European footballer of the Year Andriy Shevchenko, whom I'm even sick of at this point (oh look, he has a son named for Michael Jordan! Oh look, there he is in a SportsCenter ad! Oh look, he has a hot American wife (SFW, but Google Images can help you out if you're looking for something in an NSFW.)

Meanwhile, Tunisia's Eagles of Carthage are fighting to become the second African side through to the second round. 2004 African Nations Cup hosts (and winners), Tunisia. Coached by Roger Lemerre, you know, the guy who guided France's successful run in the 2002 World Cup, Tunisia has had trouble holding a lead in this tournament, getting the first goal against both the Saudis and the Spanish, but coming away with just one point. We'll see how they do with today's effort.

I've got my research peeps covering my back and we're once more unto the breach, dear friends. If you were with me yesterday morning, you know I sort of do a bit of stream-of-consciousness, free-flowing rundown, so I hope you'll sit back and enjoy and hey, you might learn something.

Referees: It's an all Paraguayan crew headed by Carlos Amarilla. An electrical engineer by trade, you may remember Carlos from his efforts in the U.S./Czech Republic game. (Wait a minute, I swear I've written that before...oh, wow, I did. He was the ref in Monday's Togo/Switzerland tilt. Wow, small world.)

National Anthems: The national anthem of the Ukraine is "Shche ne vmerla Ukraina" (Ukraine's Glory Has Not Perished). With words by Paul Chubynskyi and music by Mikhail Verbytskyi, it served as Ukraine's national anthem from 1917 until 1920, when it was abolished until its post-Soviet restoration. In 1949, like the other non-Russian republics in the Soviet Union, the Ukraine had its own anthem, which it used until the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991.

The Tunisian anthem is "Himat Al Hima", or "Defenders of the Fatherland)". Wow, I take back everything I said about the bombastic nature of other anthems. But, from 1846 until 1958, Tunisia used a piece composed by Giuseppe Verdi, which is pretty cool. OK, it's not, but play along here.

Starting Lineups: Ukraine will be playing a 3-5-2. I would too if I had Shevchenko.
1 (G) Olexandr Shovkovskiy
2 (D) Andriy Nesmachniy
6 (D) Andriy Rusol
22 (D) Viacheslav Sviderskiy
9 (M) Oleg Gusev
19 (M) Maxim Kalinichenko
11 (M) Serhiy Rebrov
8 (M) Oleg Shelayev
4 (M) Anatoliy Tymoschuk
7 (M) Andriy Shevchenko
10 (S) Andriy Voronin

Tunisia will be running a 4-5-1, because that worked out so well for the United States yesterday.
1 (G) Ali Boumnijel
19 (D) Anis Ayari
15 (D) Radhi Jaidi
12 (D) Jaouhar Mnari
6 (D) Hatem Trabelsi
13 (M) Riadh Bouazizi
14 (M) Adel Chedli
3 (M) Karim Haggui
8 (M) Mehdi Nafti
20 (M) Hamed Namouchi
5 (S) Zied Jaziri

It's a end-of-day match between Brazil vs. Japan, with the Brazilians getting their last tuneup until everything is all toenail-biting nerve-wracking.

Your live blogger is Thomas Moyles, from The Middle Foam Finger. (He was here yesterday, and he'll be here again tomorrow.) Get all your fun Brazilian comments in, make fun of the fellas in that picture and keep your nose clean, people.

FULLTIME: After taking an early lead and maybe putting a little scare into Brazil, Japan allowed an equalizer just prior to halftime to Ronaldo and then plain got steamrolled in the second half. While Brazil had dominated play in the first half, they had trouble finishing, an issue that was resolved for them in the second as Kawaguchi made a meal of Juninho P.'s long drive and after that, Brazil settled down and killed off the contest with two extremely well-taken goals. Japan is eliminated from the Cup as they needed to win (and get some help, which they wouldn't have gotten anyway) to advance.

A historical note for today's match as Ronaldo scores 2 goals to give him 14 total goals in the 3 World Cups in which he played (although he was on the 1994 Brazil squad, he never got on the field), which ties him for the all-time scoring record with West Germany's Gerd "Der Bomber" Muller. The Phenomenon now has a great chance to own that record outright, especially considering how good he looked today after appearing slow and fat in Brazi's first two games.

(A quick shout-out to Soy Bomb, who correctly predicted the final score in the comments shortly after Japan opened the scoring. Don't awaken the sleeping giant!)

This has been The Electric Zarko. Don't drink and drive and stay safe in your respective neighborhoods.

93' A final spasm from Japan comes to naught as Nakamura forces a save from Ceni and then a corner fizzles out as the ref calls for time. An impressive performance by the ref by the way, as I hardly noticed that he was out there.

92' K. Nakata hits a long drive from outside the box, Rogerio Ceni makes a comfortable save. Ceni is the penalty- and free-kick specialist for his teams in Brazil, the current one being Sau Paulo. He either recently tied or passed the famously crazy Paraguayan keeper Jose Luis Chilavert in terms of goals scored by keepers.

90' The end of normal time comes with Brazil stroking the ball around the pitch, content to kill this game off. As I type this, they wind up winning a corner. 3 minutes of injury time.

87' Offside on Oguro as Japan tries to break Brazil's trap and regain some pride.

85' The second half has been all Brazil, Japan finally getting some offense and Gilberto Silva pulls down Kaji about 35 yards away from goal. Nakamura to take and wide.

83' An odd change as the goalie Dida comes out for Rogerio Ceni, who I believe is the all-time leader in terms of goal-scoring goalkeepers.

82' GOOOOOAAAAALAAAAZZOOOO de Brazil! Ronaldo ties Muller with a great shot from the top of the box. After playing a one-two with Robinho, Ronaldo turns his defender and smacks a stinging volley into the lower right corner of the net, giving him 14 total World Cup goals. 4-1 Brazil.

80' Just switched over to the ESPN team, they're talking about the US result. Of course. It's so relevant!

75' Yup. Time to put the kids to bed on this one, Brazil continuing to take the air out of the ball, even when they turn the ball over, it only takes them a short time to get it back. Cicinho having a great game at right-back tonight.

73' Brazil dominating play now, retaining the ball in the middle third.

71' Ze Roberto in for Kaka, Ricardinho in for Ronaldinho.

70' Inamoto sends a long shot into the photographers, Japan get the ball back and force a corner, which Oguro flicks out for a goal kick.

69' Robinho breaks through and sends a square pass just wide of Ronaldo on the far post with the goal-mouth begging.

68' Brazil, sensing that the game is slipping away from Japan, are starting to get fancy, turning on the flair and looking as good as a team can with yellow jerseys, white shorts and white socks.

67' K. Nakata gets his head on the free-kick; however, he can't direct it on goal and Brazil get the ball back.

66' Japan with pressure and Alex is fouled on the left side of the area. Oguro comes in for Takahara, who played for about a minute before getting hurt.

64' A rasping long drive from Robinho is slapped away from goal by Kawaguchi. The corner is take to Juninho P., who forces Kawaguchi into yet another save. Ronaldinho appears to go for the olympico from the corner and Japan eventually clears.

62' Takahara in for Maki and he almost immediately gets hurt. Stoppage of play and the Japanese fans, once so loud, have been taken out of the game as Brazil have absolutely bossed the game in the second half.

60 GOOOOAAAAALLL de Brasil! Gilberto (not Silva) scores to make it 3-1! Brazil immediately finds space on the break as left-back Gilberto sprints onto a ball over the top into space on the left, cuts into the area and cleanly places the ball into the far post. Great placement on that finish and Brazil look to be killing this one off.

57' Long strike from H. Nakata, easily handled by Dida.

56' K. Nakata in for Ogasawara. For Japan. You probably figured that out.

55' Brazil steams forward again, a cross from the left finds Ronaldo and Kawaguchi gets down to save well. The Univsion announcers are killing Kawaguchi for letting in that second goal, saying that he had made much more difficult saves earlier in the match and should have easily handled that one.

53' GOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAALLL de Brazil! Juninho P. lets go with a thunderbolt from 27 yards out that completely catches Kawaguchi off-guard. A shot that on second glance, looks like he should have been able to save. 2-1 Brazil.

52' A rare spot of possession from Japan ends in an offisde call on Maki.

51' Japan finally get the ball into Brazil's half and promptly turn it over. Brazil goes back on the offense, Ronaldinho and Ronaldo playing a breathtaking one-two with a crisp backhell from Ronaldinho, only for Ronaldo to pull his strike wide of the post.

49' I'm not sure if Japan has gotten the ball across midfield yet. Brazil are just moving the ball around, foul on Japan about 40 yards from goal out on the left side. Juninho P. arcs a harmless ball straight into the arms of Kawaguchi.

48' Brazil hold it. Hold it. HOLD IT!

46' No changes for either side in the second half, Brazil immediately goes on the attack and Kaka has a shot blocked by a defender for a corner kick, which is, all together now: easily cleared by the Japanese defense.

45' Another added bonus of watching on Univision: ads for Mexican TV shows. Mexican TV is still firmly based on the theory that dramas be incredibly overwrought, comedies still feature soundtracks involving slide-whistles and spring sound effects and with both involving truly impressive amounts of cleavage. Folks, it's a winning formula.

HALFTIME: We go into the locker rooms tied as Brazil snatch an equalizer just before the half ends, Ronaldo finally proving that the tail has a stinger after Brazil had failed to convert possession into goals. Japan had been looking good after Tamada latched onto a brilliantly-placed ball from Alex and rifled his side into the lead; now they'll need to hope that they can catch another on the break and that Brazil will continue to have difficulties breaking down their final wall of defense. Ronaldo is now one goal away from tying Gerd "Der Bomber" Muller as the all-time World Cup leading scorer and I wouldn't bet against him getting it in the second half as he looks far better than he did in the first two matches, possibly because of Robinho's ability to drop back into midfield and help keep the ball moving.

46' GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLL de Braziiiiiiiiiiilllllll. Ronaldo with a close-range header on the second post. Ronaldinho had switched fields to Cicinho, who headed across the face of goal, Ronaldo winning Brazil's first header in the box and nods it home. The half ends immediately on the following kickoff.

44' Yellow card for Gilberto (not Silva) for obstruction on a Japanese break. Free-kick from about 40 yards out near the right sideline. Flicked on by Maki and well over the goal. Japan wins another header and this is getting a little weird. Somebody told Brazil that the other team is pretty short, right?

43' Another corner for Brazil, cleared by Japan for a throw. Brazil have had 7 corners today and have looked horrible on all of them.

42' The Japanese fans are in full voice, singing loudly. Ronaldinho motors down field, unleashes a series of step-overs and hits a weak shot easily saved by Kawaguchi.

40' Yellow card for Kaji. Brazil continues to hold the ball, Japan defending desperately at the edge of the area.

39' That Japan goal was given the full GOOOOLAZOOOO treatment by the Univision announcer, complete with the -AZOAZOAZOAZOAZO suffix treatment. A lightning strike by Tamada and Japan has hope, hope that is then dashed by a Craig Moore penalty for Australia, making the other game 1-1.

37' Robinho goes at the Japan goal at pace, laying the ball off to his left to an on-rushing Cicinho, who, when given a chance to cut the ball back across the face of the goal, hits a floating volley well over the crossbar. Goal kick.

35' Kawaguchi goes on a walkabout, leaving the goal open as he fails to take the ball away from Ronaldo on a long ball over the top. Brazil takes too long working the ball around and Ronadinho's eventual shot dribbles pitifully wide.

34' TWAT! That's liquid football! GOOOOAAAAL for Japan! Great through ball slid through by Alex to Tamada on the left side of the area and he does incredibly well, smashing a left shot near-post and high past a stunned Dida.

32' Ronaldo gets the ball at the top of the box and manages to turn and get a shot, which is blocked and easily collected by Kawaguchi.

31' Both teams are getting time on the ball on the offensive end, it's just that nobody's stepped up and played the killer ball, with even Brazil's shots so far all being fairly far away from goal.

30' Brazil continues to search for an opening, moving the ball around well and taking on the Japanese defenders. Japan has space on the break and seems to be hoping that they will be able to sneak a goal on the counter.

27' Slow Brazilian build-up results in a long cross from Cicinho into the box from the right side, a great glancing header from Tsuboi preventing Ronaldo from getting a clean header at cold. Japan clears and Brazil continues to build, eventually winning another corner on a blocked cross, which is then cleared (again) by Japan.

25' Another Japanese quick break results in another player getting too far under the ball and downing a passing zeppelin.

24' Great build-up from Japan and Brazil has to scramble to play a square ball over the end-line. Japan wins the header on the corner but head it wide of goal. Japan has looked like the stronger aerial team to date, having won all the corners at both ends of the field.

22' Ronaldo knocks it back for Juninho P. who hits a laser towards the upper corner, Kawaguchi does very well to tip it over. The corner is cleared and Robinho races into the box before losing the ball to a strong challenge from Alex.

20' Strong shot from Ronaldo tipped around the post by Kawaguchi. Ronaldo is doing much better in this game and it seems likely that he'll get a goal at some point.

18' Great chance for Japan as Kaji gets the ball on the side of the area on the break and somehow sends the ball to one of the 2 Brazilian defenders, rather than the 4 Japanese attackers. Out for a throw.

16' More Brazil as Robinho blasts a shot from the top of the area, tipped over by the Japanese keeper. A corner follows as Brazil step up the pressure.

15' The ball falls well for the Japanese near the Brazilian area, they work it inside and Inamoto does his best Juninho P. impression by making sure the paying customers behind the goal are staying awake.

14' Juninho P. on a strong run into Japanese territory, he's hauled down and Brazil have a free-kick from about 35 yards out from the right side. Juninho P. does his part for public safety, knocking over a guy trying to steal people's purses in Row 54.

11' Brazil continues to attack, Cicinho laying the ball off to Robinho, whose volley from the upper right of the area is blocked out for a corner, which is easily cleared. Robinho looking very lively thus far.

10' Kaka manuevers for a shot at the left top of the area before putting a blast well wide of the upper right corner of the goal. He made two defenders look pretty silly there; the final shot was lacking though.

9' Japan is looking pretty good; they still can't get anything going in the final third, with Brazil doing a good job at staying in front of the ball and forcing the bad pass. Brazil enters into another strong spell of possession.

6' Brazil passing the ball around outside the Japanese box, holding possession easily, even after a Robinho run comes to nothing. The ball is almost lost, then worked to the other side, an incisive pass is put in to Ronaldo, who freezes the defenders with stepovers and launches a left-footed shot that's blocked well by the keeper. Corner comes for nothing.

4' A long cross from Cicinho is just too high for the corpulent Ronaldo and goes out for a goal kick. It will be interesting to see if Brazil play well with a supporting striker (Robinho) as opposed to playing with two center-forwards, as they have in their first two games. Croatia just scored against Australia, which is good news for Japan.

3' Japan break on a counter down the left with loads of space, however, the ball into the box is lacking and Brazil easily clear their lines. The Japanese retain possession and then give it away on a ball to no-one.

2' After a quick Brazilian attack, Japan gain possession and hold it in the middle third. Brazil is closing them down quickly and it will be very tough for the Japanese to get through. A long ball into the box from Nakata is off Tamada's foot and out for a goal kick.

1' Japan kick off attacking from left to right. Today's broadcast courtesy of U-ni-vi-sioooooon. The odds of the play-by-play guy singing the theme from "Brazil" : Pretty Good.

0' You are looking liiiiiiiiiiive at the Westfalenstadion in Dortmund, home of Europe's largest "stand" (section of seats behind one of the goals). Brazil in their traditional yellow kits (although with the odd choice of white shorts and socks), Japan in the blue and black.

PREVIEW: Although this match technically has some possibility of changing who goes through to the next round, chances are slim of that occuring. Japan still has a chance to go through; however, to do so, they most defeat Brazil and Croatia must beat Australia, plus the scores of each game have to work out such that Japan has either higher goal difference or goals scored than Croatia. The easiest way for this to happen is for Croatia to win 1-0 and Japan to win 2-0. This doesn't seem too unlikely on the face of things, that is, until you consider that Japan is playing Brazil. If you hadn't heard, they're supposed to be pretty good. Brazil has already clinched first place in the group.

This should be an exciting and attacking match as Japan must play for the win and Brazil isn't under much pressure having already clinched their position in the knock-out stages.

There's also some interest in the fact that Japan has a decidedly Brazilian slant, with Brazilian legend Zico as their head coach and naturalized Brazilian Alex as their starting left-back.

JAPAN: Japan will be without captain Miyamoto as he is suspended through yellow-card accumulation. The Japanese have been unable to find much goal-scoring in this World Cup, with their only score coming on a very strange goal against Australia. The key men for them will be Nakata and Nakamura in the midfield, as they are their best passers and the players who look most likely to score (Nakamura being the scorer of the aforementioned goal). Japan cannot act like the US and sit back, as they need to play to win and denying Brazil the ball seems to be the best form of defense.

Lineup:

23 Kawaguchi, Yoshikatsu
7 Nakata, Hidetoshi
8 Ogasawara, Mitsuo
10 Nakamura, Shunsuke
11 Maki, Seiichiro
14 Santos, Alessandro
17 Inamoto, Junichi
19 Tsuiboi, Keisuke
20 Tamada, Keiji
21 Kaji, Akira
22 Nakazawa, Yuji

BRAZIL: Although they've stuttered through their first two games, Brazil are still going through and as such are starting a fair amount of players who usually sit on the bench. Most Brazilians and neutrals should be interested in seeing how Robinho does in the starting lineup as he replaces Adriano. Robinho is a live-wire of a player and should provide a couple good moments regardless of whether he scores or not. Ronaldinho has been unusually quiet thus far and it would be nice to see if he can have a good game now that the pressure's off. He's joined in midfield by a couple of new starters in Gilberto Silva, Arenal's defensive destroyer and Juninho Penrambucano (referred to hereafter as Juninho P.), a dead-ball specialist who might be the best free-kick taker in the world.

Lineup:

1 Dida
3 Lucio
4 Juan
8 Kaka
9 Ronaldo
10 Ronaldinho
13 Cicinho
16 Gilberto
17 Gilberto Silva
19 Juninho Penrambucano
23 Robinho

So: It's Australia vs. Croatia. We hope the Croats wear those checkered uniforms. Those are a lot more fun.

Your live blogger with live blogging mostest? It's Jon Shurkin, from SFist.com, a pleasant enough fellow who's rolling up his sleeves and ready to put some shrimps on the Ken doll. Play with us in the comments, and enjoy.

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Okay, all I can say is wow. That was just sheer bedlam at the end. There was the player who should have been called off, an offsides call that wasn't, a handball call that wasn't, and then the just utter confusion at the end. Not to mention shot after desperate shot by Croatia who really played well, but just not well enough.

I'd hate to be in Croatia right now as that loss was just devastating.

Mazel tov to the Aussies, who unlike a certain team who shall reamain nameless, just gave it their all. Just a great effort on their part, especially considering they could have just thrown ten in the box and played for the tie.

As for the game, as Smyth said it wasn't the best technical wise so lots of people will probably criticize it for it's lack of technique, but sweet fancy Moses that was fun. Shot after shot after shot and all that craziness at the end.

Anways, I'm outtie as I gotta go soak my wrists after typing all that.

93: Australia scores!!!! But after the whistle? Who knows. There's a yellow card and a red card and nobody knows what is happening or if the game is over or what the hell is going on.

Wait, it's over. Australia ties and advances, Croatia goes home. It's a 2-2 tie, the goal doesn't count.

92:50 They don't know how much time is left in the game....

92: They lost track of how many cards Siminc has and whether he should be off or not. Australia is just dithering with the ball right now.

91:20: Srna is mauled before getting a kick off. Two mmore minutes left in stoppage time.

91: Kovac just misses

90: We're in stoppage time and there's now announcement about the time. Croatia shot goes wide.

89: That sound you hear is millions of people screaming as the video feed just went out.

87: Emerton sent off for double yellow card-ness. It's now 10 on 10. Could this game be more out of control?

86: How does Croatia miss that? Someone (sorry, I can't remember who it was) had a wide open shot after a beautiful pass but he can't connect. The ball dribbles slowly passed the goalie but there's two Roos there to defend

85: Simic gets a red card. Or is it Srna? Simic did the tacky tackle, but Srna was doing a lot of close talking to the ref to protest the whole thing.

83:After showing the replay, it looks like Kewell was offsides on the goal and it shouldn't have been counted. Also, they showed on the TV the women Will should have used.

Kewell gets a ball knocked around after a free kick and hits a sideways launcher from the right side of the goal to the left side of the goal, right beyond the reach of the Croatian goaltender. The Aussies bust out a rousing rendition of "Ole!"

78: Goal by Kewell. It's 2-2!

75: On a free kick in front of the net, a Croatian defender gets his hand on it, but no call. Croatia isn't just knocking on the door, but trying to blow the mother up with dynamite.

73: A bunch of ic's get switched off for Croatia. The new Croatian player looks like Tommy Shaw of Styx.

72: There's a scrum match in front of the goal. The goalie has it, but where does it land? No goal is the call. Wow! There was like two Aussies right there and the Croatian goalie who gets it and falls pretty much right ON THE LINE.

71: Great play by the Aussies in front of the net. There's one great shot that was right at the goalie, then Kewell almost got a shot off of a corner kick that also misses.

68: Kalac is way off-side. Is it me, bu tin looking at Will's choice of pictures, is he showing that he is rooting for Australia? And does the Croatian dude look like a new wave Braveheart? And does the "slutty" girl in the picture really Australian? I thought Aussie women were all tall, leggy, and blonde. The girl in the picture looks more Croatian actually, or maybe it's because she looks like the girl in the sex video.

65: Leko in for Kranjar, the Croatian coach's son and source of much Croatian hullaballoo. That was Aloisi who came in for Australia.

62: First sub for Australia, Bruce for Bruce (and that's your obscure Monty Python reference for the day)

61: Yellow card on Siminic for stiff arming Kewell. Free kick for Australia.

58: The question has to be asked about why Hiddink started Kalac instead of Schwarzer. Schwarzer is the regular goalie and Kalac has pretty much been fumbling everything. If the 'Roos lose this, poor Guus is going to be hammered for that decision.

57: Goall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Croatia. Kovac hit a little squibber from outside the box and the Australian goalie (Kalac) pretty much pulls a Buckner and let's it get right by him.

52: Nice free kick by Croatia, but Kovac's header goes over the net.

51: One more thing about this game, there doesn't seem to be much in the way of flopping, despite all the hard tackles that are going on. Australia doesn't seem like the team to do stuff like that but Croatia did. They've been playing without the dramatics also.

48: Some 'Roo (couldn't make it out) also made a great run downfield and had a great shot on goal but it was all work and no payoff as he got a weak shot off. Hey, it sounds like Fatso Ronaldo scored for Brazil.

46: And we're back. Neil takes the ball from the Aussie side all the way to the mid-section of the Croatian field, passed it to the left for a good opportunity but once again, Croatia gets back in time.

HALFTIME: Wow, what a half. I hate to use a football(American) analogy, but this is like one of those playoff games where each team just marches back and forth every possession. Except, of course, without as much scoring. Considering Australia had to just tie to advance (presuming Brazil beats Japan, which is iffy at this point), you gotta admire the fact that they came out and attacked and then kept attacking even after equalizing the game. Tommy Smyth even started criticizing the 'Roos for keeping up their frantic pace. Croatia feels a little overwhelmed right now but are holding tight fairly well. Considering they got to win, though, they need to get a move on.

Also of note is that while it's a pretty fast game and a pretty physical game, there hasn't been many fouls called and only one card has been issued. The ref seems to be just letting everyone play which is adding to the fun. For anyone who wonders how a 1-1 game can be any exciting, that half pretty much explained how. It was more foosball game than football game.

Expect things to slow down a bit the next half because, well, it has to. And I hope so because my wrists are hurting so much from having to type up something every thirty seconds. Also Australia has to realize they might be teetering on losing control of things and maybe getting a bit defensive about things. Also look for Croatia to pick things up, but they don't seem like the attacking type, more like the counter-attacking types. Guess that'll have to change.

HALFTIME after two minutes of stoppage time. It's a 1-1 tie.

45: Injury time starts. I think it's a minute, but I completely missed it. Austarlia on the attack once more.

42: Kewell makes a nice header straight on goal that's saved. A few seconds later, Prso on the other end gets a shot off that is also taken by the goalie. Not that they were difficult saves, but I swear, there's at least a shot or two a minute.

41: Once more, from the top of the box, Cahill tries an upside down bicycle kick type thingy and completely misses. Nice try, though.

40: On a Croatian corner, the Aussie goalie gets it, then drops it for a few seconds right in front of the goal before picking it up again. Ooops.

38: Croatia 1- Socceroos 1

36: Penalty kick for Australia for a hand ball on Croatia. Then there's a yellow card for some guy who looks like Joe Rogan (Tudor). Craig Moore hits a low shot to the right side of the goal and SCORES for the equalizer.

35: Viduka gets a nice clearing pass in front of the goal but dives so much going for it that he can't get up to kick it. He tries to get up but by the time he's up, Croatia is there to defend. The Aussies are really making me work.

34: Cahill hits another drive from the far-right of the goal that is also stopped. Viduka is mauled in front of the goal but once again, no call.

33: Aussie Kalina shoots one from the top of the box right over the Croatian goal.

31: Simic of Croatia gets a yellow card for, well, I'm not sure. Some unsportsman-like thing involving the ball and a blown whistle.

30 Cahill outleaps the Croatian goalie and heads it over the goalie, leaving an open shot but a whistle calls Cahill for a foul.

29: Cahill gets a header on goal and there's a save. About thirty seconds later, Kewell kicks a line drive from the left that the goalie also saves. Corner kick goes nowhere.

28: Prso again on the right side, doing some fancy dribbling with the ball but once again is shut down by the Aussie D

27: More attempts by Australia from around the box but nothing much going on. They have been pretty much on the attack since they gave up the first goal, playing with an intensity not seen by a certain team this morning (and yes, I'm still bitter)

24: Team Bob's Big Boy counters as Srna goes down the right-side but is stopped by the Aussie D. The Socceroos back on the attack.

23: Aussies still on the attack with lots of lobs towards the box but Australia can't do anything with it.

22: Corner kick by Australia is once again cleared wide by a Croatian header. They need to work on that.

20: Kewell dribbles clear towards the top of the box, passes to Viduka who is open for a second but Viduka just can't pull the trigger and the ball is passed back to the Croatian goalie by a Croatian defender

19: Neil goes up for a header against Prso and it looks like Neil yanks Prso's hair as they go up for the ball. No foul is called. Again, if this was the U.S. game, that would have been a penalty kick even if it was nowhere near the goal.

18:The Socerrros are definately on the attack and get off a bunch of shots on goal. Some even make it to the goalie. Note to the US team: it's called "shooting."

14: free kick by Australia to the left of the Croatian goal is cleared quickly by a Croatian header. Australia recovers and plays around for a bit in the mid-field.

12: A bunch of Croatian ic's pass it back and forth to the right of the Aussie goal, but finally gets stripped by a defender.

11: Kewell of the 'Roos takes the ball down and gives it up right outside the box, Croatia counters but gets just loses it at midfield.

10 And yes, I realize "fast break" is a basketball term. Sorry.

9: Viduka gets a fast break, trips up on the ball around the line of the box, passes it Cahill rather weakly and the ball is kicked out of bounds.

8:Croatia still on the attack. They are, as they say "stepping up" and "taking it to the next level" this game. They play around in front of the Aussie goal, but get nothing until it's finally cleared out.

6: Viduka is pretty much tackled, American football style, right in front of the Croatian goal, but nothing is called. If it was the US game, the Croatian player would not only have been red carded, but their male, first born son too.

1: Kovac and his Flashdance headband is tackled right outside the box. On the free kick, Croatia scores. Goallll!!!!!!!!!! by Srna on the free kick. All of this right after Smyth is talking about how Australia doesn't have their regular goalie (Schwarzer) in for no particular reason

0: For some reason, this game is on ESPN 2 (interrupting some sort of Domino's Championship- God love ESPN 2). And our announcers are Tommy Smythe (Smith?) and Adrian Healey which makes me feel like I'm watching actual real soccer announcers. Healey tells us to "buckle up" for the game. Australia is in there yellow unis, Croatia are in there Bob's Big Boy unis

We're coming to you liiiiiiive from my apartment on a beautiful San Francisco afternoon, perfect weather to spend the day indoors watching soccer. I hope everyone's not too burnt out and disillusioned after this morning's Matrix-sequels like buzz kill. I hate to say it, but as much as it sucked to see the U.S. lose, you have to be happy at least it was to Ghana. Basically any country that throws national holidays for winning a World Cup match probably deserves it more than we, the country that actually has something called NASCAR Nation, does. And it's not like they have much of anything else going for them and I don't mean that in a snotty kind of way, I just mean that it's not like Bono is running around trying to save our asses.

Anyways, today's Australia/Croatia game might look like one of those random World Cup pairings between two countries that have probably never been put together in the same sentence in like, ever, but it's actually a pretty big game. And not just for the obvious reason that it will decide who advances and who goes home. There's actually a bit of history between the two squads and even though ESPN will probably beat it into your heads by the end of this game, bear with me.

Turns out there are a lot of ethnic Croats living in Australia (Aussies call them "Wogs" and not in a nice way) all of whom seem to breed soccer players. A lot of Croatian Australians are playing today, and not all for the Socceroos. Three players on the Croatian team (Josip Simunic, Joe Didulica and Anthony Seric) were born and live in Australia but decided to play for Croatia thinking they'd have a better chance of World Cup advancement. Australia's captain, Mark Viduka, is also Croatian but decided to stick with the Socceroos out of patriotism. So what this means is that a lot of people are playing not just to advance, but to not look like idiots. If Croatia wins, there's probably going to be three soccer players who will be going to be looking for new homes in a month or so.

As for styles, since you're supposed to discuss soccer teams in terms of national character, the Aussies play a physical, defensive style but with an attacking style usually not seen in teams that play that kind physical football. Exactly what you'd expect from a country mainly descended from English convicts. As for Croatia, I have no idea what Croatians are known for other than fighting nasty little civil wars with their neighbors. So far their style has been sort of Italy-lite: good defense but not so good offense, great skills but not so great smarts, and an amazing array of haircuts.

Now to the game....

But yeah: It's the United States vs. Ghana. We think it would be funny if the winner of this game gets the right to have Freddy Adu on their team from now on.

Your live-blogger today is Adam Baruchowitz, of Heeb Magazine. He's got the marquee role today, and he's up for it: He was in attendance for both of the U.S. games in Germany. Follow along in the comments, and, you know ... U-S-A!

(UPDATE: Hey, the US lost. Did you see that?)

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While I have a public forum i would like to give a bit of a wrap up of the state of US Soccer. This world cup appeared to be over 5 minutes into the first game when Jan Koller nailed home a header against us. The US appeared to be overmatched both on the field and on the coaching side. All the US has to take home from the world cup is a gutsy match against Italy. Arena didn't react to any of the needs of his squad and failed to instill an urgency and confidence that is necessary on the international scale. Not to mention how the US could have had the Mexican draw if Arena played the qualifying matches differently. He is gone in my mind. It is obvious that the US lacks star power. They didn't have anyone who stepped up. Donovan is clearly not the answer. He was dominated in so many ways. Maybe the expectations were too high coming after a remarkable showing in 2002 but the US growth seems stunted. If there is one thing i think we could work on its our theatrics. For a country that prides itself on the entertainment industry you would think our players could take advantage of the poor refereeing the way the other countries had. Maybe it's because we pride ourselves on toughness as well, and don't want to look like pussy cats. The US is out and i feel now i feel bad for the ESPN executives. How will they keep the general population interested? i'll be watching!

[LOST SOME WORDS HERE BECAUSE OF THE BAD BAD GAWKER MEDIA SYSTEM]

Tachie mensah in for Draman

78' Most of the game is being played in the midfield with a lot of back and forth. Not much real action to speak of.

Time is becoming a factor. 15 minutes left.

Convey in for Lewis

72' Appiah gets an opportunity but his shot is blocked by conrad

68' The pressure is on...the invisible man Donovan was offsides.

67' Onyewu heads a corner just over the crossbar. He was wide open.

65' Mcbride hits the post on a great near side cross by Lewis. US is stepping up the offense. I am hearing chants of Oy Vey, Oy Vey, Oy Vey from my neighbors

62' It is a back and forth game right now with no one dominating the ball. The US needs to step up the pressure

Eddie Johnson comes on for Cherundolo—-FINALLY!!!!

59' Olsen gets tripped up in the midfield

Eric Addo comes in for Amoah. Ghana goes on the defensive.

57' Nice long ball from Onyewu to Dempsey but his cross is intercepted by the keeper.

56' Appiah takes a free kick from 40 yards out and sends it wide left of the net.

54' Ghana counters with numbers and Amoah rips one on net. Beautiful save by Keller!

52' US gets a free kick from the left side, cleared for a corner.

49' Arena still apears content with his squad out there. but players are warming up.

47' Essien laying on the ground but no foul called.

Ghana substitutes Addo in for Boateng

The referee's have been way too involved in this world cup. I have said it before both teams seem to be taking the sit back and wait approach to this game. Let the other team come to them and counter. Besides the goals there hasn't been a whole lot of action. Beasley showed the spark needed from him and Dempsey nailed one home but US opportunities have been few and far between. US will have to find a way to put more pressure on the Ghana defense who have not been impressive. I imagine Coach Arena will finally toss away his defensive minded game plan and put in Eddie Johnson and maybe John O' Brien. The US is getting help from the Italian squad now we will see what they are made of in the second half. For the US, this will be one more instance of the Nuremburg trials..

HALFTIME

Extra Time' Goal Ghana...Appiah tucks the penalty kick away upper left side...There goes my breath again.

45' In extra time the referee awards Ghana a penalty Kick off a BS call on Onyewu. Unbelievable!

43' GOOOOOOOOOOOAL USA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Beasley steals the ball from Boateng who gives back the gift that Reyna gave to Ghana. Beasley sends a perfect cross to Dempsey who buries it in the back!! I feel like i can breathe again.

41' Free kick by Appiah but nothing comes from it.

40' Olsen substitutes for Reyna who is obviously hurt. This might be the last match for the long time captain. If it is, Thanks for the memories Claudio!

38' Slow roller across the box from Lewis but no one is there.

38' This has been a game of sitting back and counter, Ghana has been more successful so far.

35' Cherundolo picks up a foul on the right wing. Free kick from outside the box. Hit out of bounds by the goalie.

34' McBride passes it over the top to Donovan who shoots it over the net

31' US playing very sloppy on defense but Ghana doesn't want to take advantage. US doesn't seem to realize the importance of a win. They have still not shown any creativity on offense. Seem to have reverted back to quality of play in the first game against Czech.

28' Reyna back in and gives the ball away again to Pimpong who shoots it wide.

Sidebar—-Italy scores to take the l;ead against Czech.

25' bringing out the stretcher for the Ghana goalie who collides with Bocanegra.

22' GOAL Ghana! Draman picks Reyna's pocket who stupidly tried to dribble out of the back. Draman puts one in the side netting on the breakaway....Reyna down, knee looks hurt but ego probably hurts a lot more.

21' ESPN shows people in Columbus going nuts...that is once they realize the camera is on them

20' Corner for Ghana off a cross by Appiah

19' Donovan called for a very close offsides

Back to the Game

BREAKING NEWS—Knicks fire Larry Brown—-What a shocker! 50 million not bad for one year!

16' Dempsey gets a soft header on net off a corner.

15' Lewis has some blood streaming from his eye....man, are we showing our true blood or what!

14' No dangerous attacks yet for the US but they have made the goalie touch the ball a couple of times at least.

12' US is playing our patented kick and run, hoping to catch the lakadaisical Ghana defense off guard. it worked in 2002.

10' Ghana shows its speed and counters but Pimpong is called for offsides

9' Essien shoots wide off a free kick entry pass

7' Lewis gets a yellow card for an intentional hand ball..these refs are card happy!

6' US is controlling the ball while Ghana appears very tentative

4' Yellow card on Essien for taking out Reyna..he's gonna have to sit out the next match if they advance..

2' Cherundolo crosses to Dempsey but nothing comes of it.

1' Lewis dumps a cross in on net

In a moment of despair after the embarrassing Czech loss, I waved my 6th row ticket to this game in the air basically giving it away. To the lucky fan who grabbed it i want to say enjoy the game, and beware of the puking Kennedy boys sitting beside you. I was also able to catch the England-Trinidad game in Nuremburg and i am sure the the American contingent will be in full force rocking the tiny stadium, making this feel like a home game. After reading comments from the Ghana side, they seem to be brimming with confidence to the point of cockiness, looking forward to a match against Brazil in the next round. Yes, that is the reward for advancing to the next round, a chance to get your samba on.

Both coaches have their hands full replacing players who are suspended due to red cards and yellow card accumulation.Ghana will be without it's two goal scorers in the Czech game while USA have lost two of their central defenders. It will be interesting to see how Coach Arena sets his lineup, but one thing's for certain he won't be doing it with a smile. So far in this tournament the USA have been Jekyll and Hyde. (To the tune of Slim Shady) Will the real USA please stand up, please stand up.

USA Lineup:

Keller, Onyewu, Cherundolo, Bocanegra, Conrad, Beasley, Reyna, Lewis, Donovan, Dempsey, McBride

Arena opts for speed in the midfield, basically playing the 4-5-1, hoping to keep Ghana from scoring while taking advantage of the counter-attack

Ghana Lineup:

Kingston, Dramani, Koffour, Mensah, Paintsil, Appiah, Essien, Mohammed, Amoah, Boateng, Pimpong

Dujkovic chooses to keep the pressure on by inserting speedy forwards.

wow, that was a real touching commercial by Gatorade in the pregame, almost made you feel like they are beginning to believe soccer is a real sport with drama and everything.

But you knew that: It's Italy vs. Czech Republic, with the second round and all kinds of business on the line. You'll need to be following along both games here, we're afraid.

Your morning live-blogger is Geoffrey Thomas, who is going to be awesome. Follow along in the comments, have a fun time and, obviously, go Italy.

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Well, its over. A lot of people in the audience look pissed.

It's been a blast blogging this game for you all this morning. I hope you enjoyed it. If you are a disappointed about the USA going out, check out payingsodearly.blogspot.com for my article on who to root for when the US goes out (which I knew was inevitable!)

Italy did their job, but it doesn't look like enough to get the USA through to the next round.

stoppage time: Well, the Italians have booked their passage into the next round. Looks like Ghana gets the monumental task of playing Brazil in the next round. Italy could end up with Australia, who has been spunky so far. The Ghana- Brazil game should be fascinating stuff. As for this game, I'm just killing time until the ref blows the whistle, cause the Czechs haven't been in the game for awhile.

87th- Finally- a 4 man jail break leads to a 2 on Cech situation, with Inzaghi faking the pass and finishing in the empty net. It's 2-0 Italy, and this one is JUST about over.

83rd- Inzaghi nearly puts the game away, after some sketchy defending by Pirlo, but his header flashes wide of the post. The Czechs can't even get their hands on the ball

81th- Totti tries to chip Cech again. His teamates should stop making runs, cause he isn't passing.

80th- Hey, T-Moble is sponsering the man of the match thingy... just in case you didn't know. GET THE &#;^#$ graphic OFF the SCREEN!

80th- The Czechs make a sub. I'm not going to bore you with the details.

77th- I'm trying really, really hard not to rail on the announcers too much. I feel its one of those been there done that things in these live blogs. But just so you know, they are terrible.

74th minute- Camoernesi is off, probably my man of the match for Italy. He and Gattuso have been excellent controlling the midfield. I think Italy could insert me into the game and not be worse for the wear. Complete domination. The Czechs have looked defeated for the last 20 minutes.

72- The Czechs are putting toegether some possesion and looking a little better. Nedved forces Buffon into a nice save to his left.

69- Inzhagi pounces on a defensive mistake by the Czechs, but his effort goes just wide. That was an excellent chance to put the game away.

67- Both Gattuso and Totti have cracks at goal. At some point Cech will get one he can't stop. Just not here

64- Another corner for Italy. Header just wide by Cameronesi

60th- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Gilardino is off in favor of Fellipo Inzagi. Yep. Italy actually brough another striker in. They want the second goal badly

56th- Italy works a great set piece. Italy is completely controlling this game. Only a matter of time before Italy nets another

52- Nedved just gets played through by Steiner. GREAT save by Buffon. For all the people who think Keller is the best in the world, please tune into this game for a minute. Both Cech and Buffon have been outstanding

50th- wow. Perrota just missed an empty net. Great chance for Italy to be 2-0. Baros gets blown for offsides. Hey!

47th- Italy is looking very sharp on the ball, Totti just tried to glory chip the goalkeeper when Gilardino was wide open next to him. That was a very nasty look from Gilardino, but deservedly so.

45th minute- we're rolling again, no apparent changes for either team.

OK, well it's 2-1 Ghana. The result of an Appiah penalty right before the half. Come on boys! The Italians are doing there part!! It's going to be a tense 45 minutes. God, ESPN is going to get its money out of those U2 commercials. I'm pretty sure they loop with the Adidas +10 commercials for every break during the World Cup. Time for food

It's halftime, and what a huge blow for the Czechs who now have to play the rest of the game a man down. Silly foul by Polak, who clearly earned the second yellow. The Czechs have dominated the first half, but have nothing to show for it. I'm sure Italy will be looking to grab a second goal to put things away early in the second half. Gattuso has been all over the place for Italy, really controlling the midfield. The Czechs need to find a way to get Rosicky more involved and get some more space for Nedved to operate in the midfield. Oh, wait. Nevermind.

Stoppage time: It's Red for Polak, who picked up the earlier yellow. Not Koller, my bad. His first yellow was questionable, but the second was not and its 10 on 11

It's USA 1-1 Ghana! Clint Dempsey with the goal and it's all to play for! My day just got a lot better.

43rd- Shep is still railing on the terrible marking by the Czechs on the Italian goal. Apparently they go over these things "on the chalkboard." Univision needs to start broadcasting in HD

40th- Italy is now officially playing hockey. They are hoofing it in and chasing. Just earned themselves a corner. Cleared by the Czechs

37th- as I was typing "if you want to watch a clinic on defensive soccer, turn this game on" the Italians have a terrible giveaway in the defensive third, but alas Nedved decides to shoot from 40 yards even though he was 3 on 2

35th- Card on Koller for his tackle on Camoronesi. Shep thinks it was a harsh decision, and well, I agree with him. But just this once

10:33- Prepare for traditional italian soccer: "Everyone behind the ball!" Terrible to watch, but extremely effective. They are letting the Czechs attempt to get through the wall of blue.

10:31- Terrible free kick from a dangerous spot by Poborski. 1-0 Italy, 1-0 Ghana, and apparently Reyna is hurt.

10:29- Much better play by Italy. They actually look interested in the game now. Azzuri fans are going NUTS in the stadium. Good times.

10:25- It's Materazzi! The sub for the injured great Nesta! What a great goal off the corner by Totti. Cech was left completely stranded on that play. Wide open. The goal comes against the flow of play, but hey we're all Italian today

10:25- GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! Italy!

10:24- Great chance for Italy- Gattuso nearly got his header over Cech, but no dice

10:21- Ball stuck in midfield. Italy is playing like they want the game to end already

10:17- After a great chance from Nedved (saved by Buffon), Coach Lippi has take Nesta off in favor of Materazzi of Inter Milan. Anyone who has played FIFA 06 knows that's a huge blow

2:01: Baros is starting for the Czechs. Good news for Italy!
10:04- Italy is struggling, The Czechs are piling on the pressure
10:05- I hate Fransico Totti. I'm just praying he scores, then breaks his leg
10:06- Italy has a good attack set up by Grosso, couldn't find Totti at the end though.
10:08- Corner for Italy. Grosso is doing a nice job of getting forward from the back to get involved from the left side
10:08- Wow, Baros fails to control a great ball from Nedved. He was alone on Buffon but his first touch failed him. See, I told you Baros being in would be good for Italy. There's no way Koeller misses that chance
10:10- Nedved blast saved by Buffon. Whew... Let Baros take those. Nedved is playing like he's 10 years younger than 35
10:15- The czechs are holding looking like the better team so far.
10:16
So it comes down to this. We actually have to root for Italy. The footy certainly does make odd bedfellows! Anything could happen here, depending on how the teams want to play it. The Czechs certainly looked eviscerating against the U.S., then promptly soiled themselves against the quicker and more organized Ghanians. The Italians will look to play conservatively (read: boring) as they usually do, but Italy isn't safe here either. An Italian loss and a Ghana win could see the Czechs and Ghana advance, which would be a national crisis in Italy, they will be playing to win as well.

I would expect the Czechs to come out strong and try to get an early goal, with the Italians happy to defend for the first 60 minutes or so. After that, anything goes! Hopefully the Italians will get an early goal against Petr Cech, so we can relax and focus on Ghana!

Should be a great morning of soccer!

10:17- After a great chance from Nedved (saved by Buffon), Coach Lippi has take Nesta off in favor of Materazzi of Inter Milan. Anyone who has played FIFA 06 knows that's a huge blow

2:01: Baros is starting for the Czechs. Good news for Italy!
10:04- Italy is struggling, The Czechs are piling on the pressure
10:05- I hate Fransico Totti. I'm just praying he scores, then breaks his leg
10:06- Italy has a good attack set up by Grosso, couldn't find Totti at the end though.
10:08- Corner for Italy. Grosso is doing a nice job of getting forward from the back to get involved from the left side
10:08- Wow, Baros fails to control a great ball from Nedved. He was alone on Buffon but his first touch failed him. See, I told you Baros being in would be good for Italy. There's no way Koeller misses that chance
10:10- Nedved blast saved by Buffon. Whew... Let Baros take those. Nedved is playing like he's 10 years younger than 35
10:15- The czechs are holding looking like the better team so far.
10:16

Argentina has been perhaps the best team in the Cup so far, while the Netherlands have not exactly been shabby themselves.

And with that world class bit of analysis, we present live-blogger Daniel Salama, who will take us home today. Give us your mindset deconstructions, play along in the comments and don't cry for the Dutch, Dutch.

Full Time: No goals, as both teams seemed happy just to have advanced, which makes sense, since the Ivory Coast gave both teams all the could handle last week, and playing Serbia couldn't have been much fun. I had a good time Live-Blogging for you guys, and thanks for reading. Unfortunately, the game was less enthralling than my dramatic 5-3 simulated Argentine victory, as played on Xbox against my good friend Kiesman yesterday, but it had its moments. Except for the moments.

91:45 Tevez sneaks in behind the Dutch defense, but volleys over the net. Last chance there.

91:10 It was the latter.

91:00 Another corner for the Dutch. A dramatic injury time winner, or a header that goes closer to the corner flag than the keeper?

89:00 Mascherano steps on a Dutchmen's heel, picking up a needless yellow card and we are into injury time.

88:00 Babel wins a corner, and after Van Der Vaart's corner is partially cleared, the Dutch win another corner.This time, Argentina gets the ball out.

86:00 The dutch sub in Hedwiges "And The Angry Inch" Maduro for Wesley Sneijder. Apparently, his name means Ultimate Warrior in dutch. Ironically, my parents though about naming me Superfly, but it wasn't deemed "jewish enough".

84:30 Van Der Vaart with a free kick from well out, and he misses high and wide.

83:30 Only 10 minutes left or so, including injury time. Expect the Dutch to try and snatch a goal and the group in these last few minutes. They have nothing tangible to lose.

81:30 The anonymous british announcer describes coach Jose Pekerman (fantastic last name) as unflappable and nervous. I think that's impossible.

81:00 More solid defending. I really thought the Dutch backup defenders would be worse.

78:30 Babel is called for a foul while trying to get open after a De Cler cross. Argentina sub in Aimar, the former golden boy of Argentine football and heir to Maradona's role as a #10, for Riquelme, the man who relegated him to the bench. They appear to be friends, though, which I find surprising.

77:30 Sorry for the sporadic posting, but the game has slowed down again.

75:30 Argentina breaks down the wing, but a dangerous cross from Cufre is cleared by the Dutch.

73:00 Tevez shimmies away from a defender, and gets off a nice low shot from just outside the area, but Van Der Sar dives and makes a fine save.

69:00 Apparently, Dutch defender Andre Oojer's last name is pronounced the same way as the Kool Aid man's expression of joy.

67:30 Messi is subbed off for Cruz, a real powerful striker who mostly serves as Adriano's understudy at Inter Milan. Tough game for the phenom, but you can see why he's so hyped, what with the dribbling and passing and such.

66:30 The Dutch sub off Van Persie for a midfielder, which makes no sense, since a tie does them no good. Cocu gets another chance, this time from much further away, and he fires wide.

65:30 Cocu gets a shot off from a bad angle in the box, after some bad Argentine defending, but Abbondanzieri, the Argentine keeper, gets a hand to it. Close call there.

65:00 Oooh. Tevez beats the offside trap after a chip pass, but the pass is a little slow, and he has to come back for it. He tries to fall down and claim a penalty.

64:30 Riquelme dribbles three men, but ends up too wide to do anything constructive with the ball.

62:00 Cambiasso goes down injured. That's two important role players for Argentina who have been injured. You need someone to play defence when the rest of the team is attacking, and two of Argentina's lunch pail types have now gone down.

61:00 Messi tries to dribble half the dutch team, but it doesn't really work. I like that when you're his age, it's the "exuberance of youth", but when you're Riquelme's age, it's selfishness.

57:30 The Dutch win a free kick from 25-30 yards out. Van Der Vaart fires well wide. If Italy was playing, I would have guessed both teams had been paid not to score, judging by all the missed shots.

55:30 Van Nistelrooy is subbed out, replaced by promising youngster Ryan Babel from Ajax.

54:00 The Dutch don't really look very threatening, even with a lot of possession.

52:00 Messis and Riquelme play a give and go and give and go and give, but Riquleme fires wide after the beautiful setup.

50:00 Team Argentina need a coach solely for corner kicks. And maybe a barber.

49:00 The Dutch move the ball around, and get it into the box, but poor control from Van Persie ruins the play.

45:30 We're back for the second half. Javier Mascherano, who plays in Argentina but will one day soon be sold for a large amount of money to a rich european side, skies a shot well over the Dutch net. Not to be outdone, possible Van Persie promptly fires a free kick with even less accuracy than Mascherano.

Halftime: Hmm, I won't ruin the Serbia-Ivory Coast halftime score for you, but I will say that it sounds like a really good game, so catch that later if you can.

As for this game, it's been a little dissapointing so far. Both teams are resting a couple of players, and that seems to have disrupted the flow of both sides. Argentina looked the stronger of the two teams, especially near the end, but both teams seem content with a draw. Let's hope tthe second half is a little more wide open and offensive, and I think it will be, since these teams are too good not to score.

I'm not sure if Americans get the same commercials we do here, but in Canada, we basically have two commercials for every single game. One is about a goofy guy and his friends who go to Germany, and are shocked that the World Cup game they want to see is sold out. The other is that Adidas ad with the litle kids drafting Zidane, Beckham and others on to their team. They're both perfectly fine commercials, but after watching them 1000 times, i'm ready to boycott Adidas and whatever product the first one is attempting to sell.

45:00 Only one minute of injury time, but Argentina almost make it count. Messi gets a shot on goal (The Audio on TSN is down, but I think it was Messi) but it's right at Van Der Sar.

43:00 The announcer on TSN describes the match as "cagey", which means both teams have been horrible in front of goal.

40:00 Argentina win their 357th corner of the half, but they get nothing out of it.

36:00 Sadly, no shots of Maradona's attractive daughter in the stands. Think it was awkard for her to see her Dad have his watch taken from his arm by Italian police, which happened because of the Capone-esque 31 Million in back taxes he owes that country?

34:00 Dutch win a corner, but it's wasted. Argentina breaks, and Tevez almost beats his man, but it's cleared for another corner, which Van Der Sar is able to punch away.

31:00 In what would have been a nice bit of irony, had he scored, Maxi controls the ball well after a crossfield pass, but is unable to cut inside and score, as Bergkamp did 8 years ago. Seriously, go to Youtube and search for Bergkamp + Argentina. It's really a great goal.

28:00 Argentina damn near scores twice in one minute. The first opportunity is a Riquelme free kick that a Dutch defender slams off his own crossbar. Then, a minute later, Maxi Rodriguez, who netted twice against Serbia, narrowly misses from 25 yards out.

26:00 Wow. Riquelme almost scores on a corner. That was impressive. Van Der Sar just got a hand to that. The ensuing corner is long (bad Demarcus Beasley style crossing so far from both sides), but Argentina win a free kick...

24:00 First sub, as Burdisso is replaced by Coloccini. I guess having Ruud Van Nistelrooy fall on him hurt more than we had previously though.

22:00 Argentina have a chance to counter attack, but choose to slow it down and pass it around a little. They look like they can pass the ball for hours, and pretty much do, until Tevez ruins the whole thing by running offside.

21:00 the Dutch really need to learn to cross.

18:00 This game is really starting to pick up. Looks like the Dutch are trying to slowly break down the Argies, while Riquelme and Co. are happy to counter attack with speed. It started slow, but goals look to be coming.

16:00 Argentina show off their passing game, and Tevez almost curls a left footer in. A close up shows him to be missing several teeth, Mark Messier style. Wow. The Dutch come right back and almost score. Kuyt stole the ball inside the 18 and almost roofed it. Nice save kept it out, though.

14:00 Burdisso comes back on the field, and the Argies gain possession, but Riquelme's hrough pass is uncharacteristically bad, and goes out for a goal kick.

11:30 Kuyt crosses again, and this one is a little better, and forces a corner. It comes to nothing, except an injury for Burdisso, Argentina's right back. Van Nistelrooy fell on him, and since he looks like a horse, that would make Burdisso the jockey in this spill.

10:00 Both teams "feeling each other out", to use a vaguely dirty cliche. The Dutch work the ball down to Dirk Kuyt on the left wing, but his cross is long and goes out for a goal kick.

7:00 Heh. Messi is in the game too (bad job on the starting lineups World Soccer!) and he makes a nice pass to send Cambiasso in on goal, but a last second from one of the Dutch defenders saves the Oranje.

5.00 Argentina win a corner, and it's a nice delivery from Riquelme (who is playing, apparently). Holland clears it, and counter attacks, but it goes nowhere.

3:30: Dutch get a bit of possesion in the Argentina half, and win a free kick. First real opportunity of the match.Van Persie takes it, but it's not very good, and is grabbed by the keeper.

1:40 In the first real action in the game, Van Nistelrooy bowls over Ayala, and the Argies win a free kick.

0:00: Hello Ladies and Gentlemen. As will said, my name is Daniel, and i'll be watching this game on TSN, which is Canada's version of ESPN, except here the marquee show is spelled Sportscentre.

As for the actual game, this could be a great one! The Netherlands played in the best game of Euro 2004 (A 3-2 loss to the Czechs), while in their last game Argentina beat Serbia and Montenegro so convincingly, and with such flair, that the latter country promptly (or retroactively by a week, but that ruins the joke) split in half.

The last time these two teams played each other, in France '98, the Dutch edged out the Argies in injury time, by virtue of a sublime goal from the foot of Dennis Bergkamp.

Both teams are through to the second round, and since Argentina has a huge edge in goal differential, a tie will suffice for them to top the group. The reward for winnning the group? You get to play Mexico, who couldn't score on Angola rather than the Portugese, who finished group play with the maximum 9 points after beating Mexico 2-1 this morning. The Portugese rested half their starting lineup (Foreshadowing people!) and still won the game.

Your probable starting lineups, courtesy of www.Worldsoccer.com

Argentina: Abbondanzieri; Burdisso, Ayala, Milito, Sorin; Rodriguez,
Mascherano, Cambiasso; Aimar; Tevez, Cruz

So, if you were hoping to see Riquelme, Crespo, Heinze or Saviola you're out of
luck. They're resting, either because they have a yellow card (and if they get
a second, that means they miss Argentina's Round of 16 match) or because
they're tired, presumably from running for president,

Leo Messi, should come in off the bench at some point, and he's a real treat to
watch.

Holland: Van der Sar; Kromkamp, Boulaharouz, Jaliens, De Cler; Van der Vaart,
Sneijder, Cocu; Kuyt, Van Nistelrooy, Van Persie

The Netherlands are resting their entire defence, against the highest scoring
team in the tourmanent. Coach Marco Van Basten is either really confident in
his backups, or he bet on Argentina (probably through the Italians, natch).

Strong midfield and forwards though, with Robin "Kobe" Van Persie playing
especially well at the moment, and only Arjen Robben, who possesses a 22 year
old's speed, and a 40 year old's receding hairline, being rested from the
Netherlands' big 3 up front.

Did we hook you there? It's Serbia and Montenegro vs. the Ivory Coast, or whatever the heck we're supposed to call them now. This is officially the Unwieldy Country Name battle of the World Cup so far.

Your live-blogger is Thomas Moyles, who's a heckuva gentleman. We hope you like him, because he's doing two other games this week. Drop us a line with your thoughts on his work, play along in the comments and do try to enjoy this one. Hey, pay attention!

—————————————————————-

FULLTIME: Ivory Coast come away with a deserved victory, having been the team who took the initiative right from the start of the match. After Serbia scored two after mistakes by the Ivorian defense, the Ivory Coast stepped it up and fought their way back into the match, aided by two penalties given by Rodriguez, who also sent two players off and was generally was the very figure of the strutting, preening, over-important ref who does his best to upstage the actual game.

Still, even Count Rodriguez can't take away the 3 points and the elation of their first World Cup win from the Ivory Coast, 3-2 winners and one of the most entertaining teams in the competition. As noted earlier, it's a real pity that they were thrown into such a strong group as they would have been a sure bet to go into the knockout stages had they been placed alongside teams of a lesser caliber. They gave the Dutch and the Argies all they could handle it's great to see them go out on a high.

For Serba (& Montenegro), this was a horrible way to end a horrible tournament. After boasting one of the best defences in Europe during qualifying, they were just ripped apart in this World Cup, giving up 10 goals in 3 matches and generally looking old, slow and without imagination. A terrible performance in their last match as Serba & Montenegro and their fans will surely hope that they'll do better as just Serbia.

This was The Electric Zarko of The Middle Foam Finger, hope you enjoyed the live-blogging and I'll be back tomorrow for Brazil vs. Japan.

93' Dindane with a fine bit of skill, snapping a behind-the-foot pass to B. Kone out on the wing, who then gets shaken up from the tackle.

90' 3 minutes of stoppage time as the Ivorians look to play out the match, Milosevic takes a knock at midfield, looks like the Ivory Coast captian, Domoraud, has been booked and he is sent off for his second yellow card. The game will end with the teams playing 10 on 10.

88' The crowd gives the Ivory Coast the "Ole!" treatment with every touch, as they are toying with the Serbians now.

86' GOOOOOAAAAAL! Kalou takes the kick, puts it right where Dindane put his and the Ivory Coast are on course to win their first World Cup match. The Ivorian keeper couldn't even watch, he was facing toward the crowd on his knees and he reacts with joy when the penalty is converted, cancelling out his mistake that led to the second goal.

84' Another handball in the area! Another penalty! A long shot catches a Serbian on the arm and Rodriguez immediately whistles for the spot-kick. A little harsh on the defender, as the shot came in very sharp.

83' A. Kone is fouled and the Ivory Coast has a free kick from 30 meters out, Boka takes and it's blocked out for a corner by an on-rushing Serbian defender. It leads to a new corner, which is then cleared out.

81' Healy makes the 5th mention of the US game tomorrow. Yes, we get it. It's a big game. Tomorrow. Who was it against? Who has to win again? Oh, good thing you reminded me.

79' Now Ivory Coast with a free header of their own, Y. Toure wide-open on the corner kick and he snaps his header wide of the post. The game is definitely starting to get sloppy with both teams looking very tired and the marking is becoming pretty loose.

77' Free header for Stankovic from 7 yards out from a Serbian free kick; however, he fails to put it on target and Ivory Coast dodges a bullet with just over 10 minutes remaining in normal time.

74' Zokora with a great run down the left side of the ball, plays a ball across the face of the goal and Serbia is lucky not to give up the winner.

73' Keita comes off for Ivory Coast and Bonaventure Kalou comes on for him. B. Kalou can play as a striker or an attacking midfield and has played both for his club team, Paris Saint Germain.

70' IC gets a corner as they have 20 minutes now to get the winner and walk out of the World Cup with a bit of pride. Corner is cleared to midfield.

67' BOUF! Eat my goal! Dindane puts in the equalizer for the Ivory Coast! The score is 2-2. The S&M defense loses Dindane on the second post and he nods in a cross just inside the upright.

66' Milosevic in for Zigic. One lumbering huge guy goes off for uh, another lumbering huge guy. Should be Milosevic's last game for S&M as he's announced his retirement after they were eliminated.

65' S&M is defending for their lives here and the tension is rising as the Ivory Coast relentlessly come forward, hoping to get something out of this game other than another 2-1 defeat.

64' Dindane flashes a header just wide of the far post from just outside the 6-yard box. A great chance there for the Ivory Coast with the keeper again caught completely off-guard by the quick cross from the left side.

62' Oh! 35-meter shot from Kouassi crashes off the crossbar with the keeper bolted to the ground. A thunderbolt of a drive, Ivory Coast unlucky not to equalize.

61' Ball over the top finds A. Kone, whose shot is blocked, he gets back the rebound and sends a bouncing shot just wide of the far post from just inside the area. The Ivory Coast continues to pound the ball down the field, earning a corner, which comes to nothing.

60' B. Kone in for Akale. Dindane makes another good run on the byline; his weak effort goes straight to the keeper though.

59' I think Smythe just referred to the Serbian keeper "earning his corn". Oookay. Of course, since it's Tommy, it sounds like "carn".

57' Dindane brought down just outside the area, offset a bit to the right. Gavrancic is given a yellow card and this is an excellent scoring chance. Shot goes off the wall, Y. Toure gets to the rebound and his shot is stoned by the Serbian keeper, using his feet well again. Rodriguez ignores what appears to be two hard fouls by the Serbians and the crowd is letting him have it.

53' Healy refers to Montenegro as the "beach enclave" of the former Yugoslavia. I guess it makes sense. People on the beach tend to be pretty laid-back and I could see them not getting along well with their overly intense Serbian neighbors. (Also, one of my blogmates used to live in the area and he says that the Serbs are jerks.)

52' Serbia has done well to take the ball out of the air, with Rodriguez seemingly unwilling to make foul calls for either team. B. Kone appears to be warming up for the Ivory Coast, he being the player who scored against the Netherlands with a sensational long shot into the side-netting.

47' As expected, the Ivorians start off the half by pinning the Serbs deep in their own half. S&M are doing well at keeping them at arm's length, blunting their attacks before they can provide the killer ball.

HALFTIME: The half ends as it began, with Ivory Coast threatening the Serbian goal. The Ivorians have had a lion's share of the ball and are undeservedly 2-1 down at the break. However, they also have the advantage of the extra man after Nadj is sent off for his second yellow card in first-half injury time.

We've had one penalty called (and re-taken), two penalties go un-called and generally, this game has been pretty entertaining to date. The Serbs scored twice after taking advantage of the Ivory Coast's inability to clear long balls out of the box, then the Ivorian pressure finally paid off in the form of a penalty for handball. After having to retake it, Aruna Dindane slotted it home and gives the Ivorians a real shot to come away with points from their first World Cup.

46' Back and forth play as both teams are rushing from box to box, Nadj, the substitute, comes in hard on Keita and it's his second yellow card, which means red. Serbia will play the rest of this game down a man. A deserved yellow card as he came in late and from behind.

43' Yellow card for Dindane for diving and it looks like a horrible call. He'd rounded the keeper and had a player on his back and the keeper going at his feet. Clear penalty and Rodriguez should be sent home after this game. His reputation for showboating is certainly coming to the fore, with both teams having clear complaints about his performance so far.

41' Djordjevic fouled, called outside the area when it was clearly inside. Smythe rightly takes Rodriguez to task for wussing out and refusing to call the penalty. 4 Serbs behind the ball. Gavrancic to take, it's partially blocked by the wall and cleared out by the defense.

40' Predrag Djordjevic with a well struck free-kick from around 25 meters out, a great save from the Ivorian keeper, resulting corner comes to nothing, Ivory Coast strike on the break and Dindane has another great chance saved by the Serbian keeper, with the rebound killing some poor old lady in row 60.

38'Yellow card for a Serb, Duljaj I think, the commentators are no help. Resulting free-kick goes into the wall.

37' GOAL for the Ivory Coast! Dindane puts the ball in the same spot; however, the keeper goes the same way that he did last time and Ivory Coast gets a deserved goal. Healy is now making Smythe explain enroachment and he uses the word "peniggity". I think.

36' Dindane converts; unfortunately, Rodriguez is indicating that there was enroachment in the area and is forcing Dindane to retake the penalty.

35' PENALTY! Dudic appeared to handball in the box, ref calls the penalty and he gives the yellow card. Definitely a handball as Dudic had both hands above his head and punched the ball away from Kone.

34' More pressure from Ivory Coast, just lacking the final ball.

33'Yellow card for Keita after a late tackle from behind on Predrag Djordjevic, Stankovic to take the free-kick, wide of the goal by a couple meters.

31' Kone fouled close to the S&M area, Zokora over the ball. Quick ball to Y. Toure, whose shot is blocked, Ivory Coast get the ball back again; however, the defender who blocked the shot is down and injured, Ivory Coast does the sporting thing and plays the ball out of play.

28' Corner for Ivory Coast as Dindane goes on another mazy run by Dindane. Cleared by S&M but not too far away, Ivory Coast continue to pressure and the eventual long shot is smothered by the Serbian keeper.

27' Back to the earlier trend of Ivory Coast holding the ball around the S&M area; yet coming away with nothing.

24' It's raining very heavily right now and Ivory Coast are at sea. Both goals are a direct result of the defenders reacting poorly to Route One buildup by Serbia and after looking so good for long stretches of the game, it must be very demoralizing to go down 2-0.

22' S&M are on the attack again, Stankovic with a short cross to Zigic, who sends his header wide of the second post. Ivory Coast defense is like a wet paper bag right now and the gigantic Serbs are smashing right through it.

20' GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAL again for Serbia. Ivory Coast's defence is completely at sea without Kolo Toure, another long ball into the box deflects off a defender and straight to Sasa Ilic, who freezes the keeper and the defender before bulging the ol' onion bag.

19' Ivory Coast with a great breakthrough, Dindane hits a sitter from 6 yards out off the goalie's foot, then Akale sends the rebound wide of the goal

17' Yellow card for Nadj. Just needed to hear his name again, I guess. Look ma, I'm on TV!

16' Krstajic down for Serbia after a collision with Eboue, looks like he won't be able to continue. Replaced with Nadj. Apparently there's still some vowel shortages in the former Yugoslavia.

11' Horrible defending by both the central defenders and the Ivorian goalie on that goal. Kone picks up the ball at the top of the Serbian box, whiffs and the ball is cleared.

10' GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAL for Serbia. Zigic scores a "ridiculously easy" goal, taking a long cross from Stankovic, knocking it down, rounded the keeper and slots it into the empty net.

10' Ivory Coast looking like the better side so far, having generated a couple of good chances and generally just controlling the flow of the game. I've been very impressed with Y. Toure and Zokora in the middle of the park.

7' Serbia finally with some posession, then they turn the ball over, Ivory Coast on the break, Kone has his shot blocked at the top of the box.

6' Boka takes a long-range shot with his left-foot, about 30 meters out, well wide, never troubling the keeper. Tommy Smythe wants us to know that the game will end in a victory for one team, unless there's a draw. Thanks, Tommy.

5' Corner headed out, Ivory Coast (again) takes possession and is knocking it around the pitch. Serbia appears content to try and hit on the counter attack.

4' Great run by Dindane, run comes to nothing as he cuts it back behind Kone in the box. Ivory Coast regains possession, plays a cross to the second post, put out for a corner.

3' Free kick comes to a waste, Ivory Coast continues to hold the ball. Today's ref is known as "The Mexican Dracula" and had a horrible first game during England vs. Paraguay.

2' Ivory Coast holding possession fairly well, Serba fouls about 35 yards away from goal.

0' Heavy rain here in Munich with Ivory Coast in Orange and Serbia in Blue.

PREVIEW: Unfortunately, this game is meaningless in terms of the competiton as both teams have lost their first two games and as such are both going home after this game, meaning the only thing to play for is pride.

It's also being played at the same time as one of the classic match-ups in World Cup history, Netherlands vs. Argentina. Best-case scenario, people will be watching that match and reading this here live-blogging, right? Otherwise, it's just me and whichever Ivorians and Serbs can't get out of the office/are too depressed to actually watch the game.

And to make it better, the game isn't being broadcast on Univision, meaning that it's ESPN time. I'll try and keep my complaining to a mininum; however, I promise nothing. Announcers for today: Adrian Healy and Tommy Smythe (purple horseshoes!).

I'll also throw in a plug for the blog I write for, The Middle Foam Finger. Check it out as we bring the Haterade.

SERBIA & MONTENEGRO (soon to be just Serbia): After famously only allowing 1 goal in 10 qualifying matches, the S&M squad has given up 7 goals in 2 games, including 6 in their last game against Argentina. Without their defense, they've had to fall back on their second-best talent, ethnic cleansing. This hasn't worked out too well for them either, as they accumulated a bunch of cards and they'll have 4 players unavailable for this match.

Lineup: (according to FIFA)

1. JEVRIC Dragoslav
2. ERGIC Ivan
4. DULJAJ Igor
6. GAVRANCIC Goran
(C)10. STANKOVIC Dejan
11. DJORDJEVIC Predrag
14. DJORDJEVIC Nenad
15. DUDIC Milan
19. ZIGIC Nikola
20. KRSTAJIC Mladen
22. ILIC Sasa

IVORY COAST: The Ivory Coast is the strongest African team in the competition, with a great balance of players at every position and a wealth of options in the attacking third. It's a pity that they were drawn into the Group of Death and after two very close losses, should be looking for the win before they go home. They will be missing their best player, captain Didier Drogba, who picked up two yellow cards in the first two matches. The danger men will be Arouna Kone, Aruna Dindane and Kader Keita.

Lineup: (again, according to FIFA)

23. BARRY Boubacar
2. AKALE Kanga
3. BOKA Arthur
5. ZOKORA Didier
6. KOUASSI Blaise
9. KONE Arouna
15. DINDANE Aruna
17. DOMORAUD Cyrille (C)
18. KEITA Kader
19. TOURE Yaya
21. EBOUE Emmanuel

So, yeah: It's Mexico vs. Portugal, with all kinds of activity going on. Mexico is the U.S.'s big rival, but we're not sure if that means you should root for them now, or not.

Your live-blogger for this one is John Bolster, who has live-blogged with us before. (He's famously the sports editor for Penthouse.) So let us know what you think, play along in the comments and let's try to keep it clean out there.

Thanks a lot, folks. The disrobing has begun here in the Lounge, and I gotta go. See you next week for the quarterfinals!

It's official: Mexico is through as Angola finishes tied with Iran, 1-1. Mexico gets second in the group and will play the winner of the Argentina-Holland group, while Portugal gets the runner-up.

92:00 Beep-beep-beep. That's the sound of Mexico backing into the second round with a loss to a Portugal team resting five starters. On the other hand, it's the fourth straight time El Tri has advanced out of group play in the World Cup. Good for them, and for CONCACAF.

90:00 Camera pans the crowd and settles on a brunette in Mexico red. We'd say she was hot, except for the fact that she looks disturbingly like Brazil midfielder Kaka.

88:00 Boa Morte gets a yellow for a scrappy tackle on Naelson. Eighth yellow of the day, to go with one red.

85:00 Franco controls the ball well in the box, tries to turn, loses it, and then falls in a lame attempt to draw a penalty. Denied.

82:00 Iran presents a gift to Mexico by tying it up against Angola. Mexico can breathe easy for now.

80:00 Boa Morte in for Figo. Mexico brings in Franco and takes off Mendez.

78:00 Shot of Eusebio in the stands! The Black Pearl, star of the 1966 World Cup. Big Phil Scolari says, "We have Eusebio with us. He gave the players the confidence they needed to get to the next round." But can he help them with their chronic underperformance when it matters most?

75:00 Mexico corner headed out...rebound volleyed back in and blocked.

71:00 Mexico's Castro squanders an opportunity from the right flank, mis-hitting his cross into a back-pass to Ricardo.

68:00 Angola's Flavio has just scored his country's first-ever World Cup goal, putting them up 1-0 on Iran. One more from them or from Portugal and Mexico is out of the World Cup.

66:00 Tiago rips one from 25 yards, it bounces wide of the far post.

64:00 Bravo shoots high—way high—from the right flank. That was a chance to make up for the missed PK. Poor Omar. What Would Johnny Do?

62:00 Perez of Mexico is sent off with his second yellow! Apparently for diving in the box, trying to draw a second penalty kick for El Tri. Tough break for Mexico. They'll be down a man from here on out.

60:00 Calhoolio is apoplectic that he is stuck in the office for this one: "I cannot believe I didnt come in for this game. I would have been on my fifth beer already, whipping my shirt around ML-Carr-style over my head."

57:00 BRAVO SKIES IT OVER THE BAR! Choking on a golden opportunity to tie this game up. The Mexico City crowd is non-plussed.

57:00 PENALTY!! Perez cuts back in the box, Miguel slips, lands on the ball, hand-first. Ref points to the spot.

53:00 Shot of the masses in Mexico City watching the game. Maybe they should be watching Angola v Iran. So far the Angolans are cooperating: it's 0-0 over in that one.

50:00 Correction: there were three yellow cards issued in the first half. Pardo skims a free kick wide for Mexico. Calhoolio reports from a remote location: "Good to see Pardo finally in front of the cameras after all of those years doing voiceover work for NBC."

47:00 And we're back: Mexico has made a sub: playmaker Zinha in for defender Rodriguez. Feel free to read this blog in alternating voices: first as an over-excited spanish-accented announcer, then as a bored American-accented announcer. Repeat as often as needed.

46:00 HALFTIME The PH Pets are having coffee, stretching in their robes. Their comments? Fonseca has been man of the match for Mexico so far, and not just for the goal.

Our Man at the Valley: "Excellent first half. Not too much skill, but lots of goals, and lots of violence."

There have been two yellow cards. Surprising for a game in which a draw suits both teams just fine.

Lalas: "Please please please will someone put me in touch with the Portugese girl from "Love Actually"?
.
45:00 Pardo plays a dangerous ball into the box...it pings around dangerously, but no one can corral it. Portugal clears in desperation. Ricardo is hurt. ... Make that "hurt."

44:00 Pardo shoots from distance! Nice diving save by Ricardo, rebound played out for a corner.

41:00 According to an "online survey," two out of three Portugese citizens expect Portugal to win the World Cup this year. According to another online survey, two out of three Portugese citizens are unaware that Portugal will play either Argentina or Holland in the next round.

39:00 Fonseca battles well for a header in the box...just wide.

36:00 Rafa Marquez has been moved up to midfield today. Rob Stone not sure it's working out for El Tri. Greg Lalas surprised Marquez hasn't kicked Figo yet. "It's almost halftime," he says.

33:00 Mexico free kick from the left side...headed over the bar for a corner. Which Mexico wastes.

29:00 GOAL!! Mexico! Fonseca skims the corner off his head just inside the far post! 2-1 Portugal.

29:00 Bravo stopped from point-blank range by Ricardo!

28:00 Portugal forces Sanchez into a great save! Rebound fired over the bar. Simao and Tiago. Hey, when the pressure's off, Portugal can play.

26:00 Our Man at the Valley weighs in from Germany: "Great call! ... I had a fight with a Mexican fan in Dusseldorf last night. He was wearing a Cuahtemoc Blanco shirt. I told him Cobi was better."

23:00 PENALTY!! Mexico called for a handball on a corner kick! Penalty kick to be taken by Simao...HE BURIES IT! 2-0 Portugal!

22:00 Marquez turns it over, Portugal has numbers on the counter...Maniche is fouled at the top of the box.

20:00 Figo with a nice run down the right wing, wins a corner for Portugal. Figo sends it in, poorly, but it comes righ back to him. He beats a defender and sends in a cross...claimed by Sanchez.

16:00 Rob Stone and Robin Fraser are our announcers today, by the way. They are approximately 35 times better than Dave O'brien and Marcelo Balboa, though Fraser's voice may not be ready for prime-time.

11:00 Portugal playing with the house's money right now. Knocking it around effortlessly. Totally relaxed.

9:00 Mexico's Omar Bravo takes down Petit. Greg Lalas weighs in from the road: "Is Omar Bravo Johnny Bravo's long-lost Libyan cousin? And does he want to be a rock star too?"

6:00 GOAL!! Maniche of Portugal— against the run of play. A great counter by Portugal, Simao squares it for Maniche, who finishes from 12 yards!

2:00 Fonseca of Mexico with a nice solo run into the box, he shoots! ... Saved by Ricardo.

Good Morning Folks, and welcome to the final game of Group D for Portugal and Mexico, kicking off at the AufSchalke Arena in Gelsenkirchen (Geusundheit.)

The Penthouse Lounge is a little subdued today (disco ball: off, music: low, Penthouse Pets: robed) because Portugal, already through to the next round, will be fielding mostly reserves for this one.

Mexico needs just a point or an Angola tie or loss v Iran to join them. The only scenario in which Mexico doesnt go through is if they lose and Angola wins big.

Phooey, we say. The Iran vs. Angola matchup has plenty of good subplots. Not least of which: Angola, with a big-but-still-reasonable three-goal differential to catch up with Mexico, could still sneak in the second round. (They need a two-goal win for Portugal and a two-goal win here.) And hey, it's Iran! When else does Iran make news?

Your live-blogger today is Whitney Pastorek, of Whittlz.com and a very active commenter on these here soccer blogs. (Comment often so she knows someone's watching.) So don't forget about this game! Come on in, follow along in the comments, and hey, let's be careful out there.

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FULLTIME So, 1-1. That's how it ends. I'd make some remarks to wrap this up but my boyfriend Eric Wynalda is talking to me right now and I have to pay attention or he'll shoot me with the lasers that dwell in his dreamy, dreamy eyes.

Thanks for the opportunity, kids. Kick ass, and we'll see ya in 2010.

92:12 And it is now the time in the match when Glenn and Shep are just going to natter on about what this all means, you know, in the big picture. Apparently, Angola has inspired us all just by trying— "Just the fact that little Angola was competing with Mexico for a place is remarkable," says Shep— and Iran should be very, very ashamed.

And there's the whistle.

88:52 So Portugal has beaten Mexico, but who cares. Honestly. Now the Angolans are getting ME depressed. I mean, what's the point? All your country has to live for is this one chance, every four years, to not be in a civil war, and now you're getting run into the ground by some jerk Middle-Easterners, your fans are fat, white, mustachioed guys, and Shep Messing likes Iran way better.

Oh! Zandi takes down an Angolan guy right outside the box! Free kick Angola in the 90th minute! Mendonca will take it!... Right at Mirzapour. Boo. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that's about it for Angola's World Cup hopes.

86:00 Seriously: this has gotten as dull as the first half. La la la. Zeke gets fouled, Delgado will have a free kick from just left of the penalty box. Here's the cross... and Mirzapour gets yet another fist, plus a foul from Kali. Kali? Like the goddess? Well, that's certainly macho.

83:00 Shep seems to have settled on "Ay-ran," and Angola have clearly lost their will to live. Which is too bad. They are not giving 110%, they are not running all the way through first base, and they're letting Khatibi just drill shots straight at the goal from the 18. This is sad. Come on, Angola!! Is this how you fight your civil wars??

81:53 A programming note: David Hasselhoff will be crying on Cold Pizza, at the conclusion of this match. I know you'll all want to set your VCRs.

80:27 And now we're all playing a fun game called "Boot it around in the midfield and then send a long ball that no one can possibly catch up with b/c everyone is tired, and then boot it around in the midfield some more." Whee.

76:54 Some Iranian dude is lying face down on the field. Like I care. I'm still trying to figure out what those women were wearing.

So, I have to go see "The Lake House" later with my friend Missy. Maybe there's a way I can use what I learn from that movie to turn back time and help Angola here, but I doubt it.

76:03 And they show two very fetching Iranian women celebrating in the stands, wearing what appear to be modified, full-length aprons. Hott.

74:48 Mahdavikia with a corner... OH SNAP!! He puts it right on the head of the man formerly known as "Bob" but whose name I will now spell out because he just scored: GOAL, BAKHTIARIZADEH!! IRAN SCORES!!

73:54 Iran almost puts together an attack, but the cross just goes harmlessly off to the side...

72:48 Your "It's a Small World" dippy moment of the match: Khatibi helps Angola's new captain, Jamba, put on his armband. Where's Love? Shouldn't he be here for this?

71:54 Alas, it is not to be. Figgy is out, Rui Marques is in! So what does that translate as, like, "Mark Street" or something? I shall call him Mark.

71:39 Figgy gets taken down. Get up, little Angolese white dude! Get up! Shake n' bake!

70:02 Khatibi had a good chance but miffed it so badly that Ricardo didn't even bother to pick it up with his hands, just let it roll to his foot and stepped on it. That's cold, Ricky.

[note: I will be blogging the remainder of this half topless.]

68:19 It occurs to me now that placing one's fate in Portugal's hands— in soccer or otherwise— is just a bad idea. Historically. Meanwhile, Angola gets another chance, very much like the goal they scored, but Mirzapour is there.

66:56 Zeke gets a yellow card for what the slo-mo replay reveals as NOT touching the Iranian player, who actually takes an Olympic-caliber dive and plop, complete with arm flourish. Who was that? #21. Who's #21? I will find you, flopper!

66:24 Iran makes another substitution: Kaabi out, Borhani in. No!

64:43 Free kick Angola, and Figueiredo takes it... rather poorly. He flatly sends it to the top of the 18. That was stupid, leather. No wonder you were playing amateur soccer just a couple years ago.

62:44 Mendonca is just shooting like a madman now. I think Flavio is still in shock. Honestly, I just like typing Flavio. Flavio!

The Angolans in the stands are still going nuts, except for the fat white dude with the mustache. Will! What's your dad doing hanging out with the Angolans?

Shep just said "shake and bake." I'm not sure why.

59 And all of a sudden everything at once! Zeke crosses to Flavio— Flavio!!— who heads it over Mirzapour... AND INTO THE GOAL! ANGOLA SCORES!!!

56:42 Glenn and Shep are just totally bitching out Angola right now. If they're so smart, why don't they coach? Huh?? Oh!! Mahdavikia took a long shot, the ball wiggled, and Ricardo somehow managed to block it with his face! The rebound is cleared! Dang!

And we are informed that Mexico's Luis Perez just got a red card. Angola! Step it up! God may have closed a door, but somewhere he is opening a window! We're in Germany! That analogy worked against the Nazis in "Sound of Music," it'll work now!

54:36 Teymourian from Iran gets a yellow card. I'm not sure why. Oh. He got into a kerfuffle. Neither of these teams are real mature about the free kicks.

53:51 We've just been informed that Mexico missed a penalty kick. Hope stays alive! Hope floats!

I really wish Shep would make up his mind how he wants to pronounced Iran. Is it "Eye-ran"? "Ee-ran"? "Ay-ran"?

51:46 There is so much pride and joy in Angola, says Glenn. As opposed to, say, Canada, where they just sit there, really. Shep follows that with, "It's a country most known for 3 decades of civil war!" So if you're keeping track: Togo = magic, Angola = civil war. I know where I'm vacationing.

49:45 Ouch again: Akwa just limped off the field as Khatibi interferes with a little drop back to the keeper on the part of Angola... and Akwa is out! Flavio is in!! .... Flavio? Really?

48:35 Ouch. Mahdavika just smacked right into Delgado, like the way sometimes I try and walk through closed screen doors. It hardly seems like there should be a foul if he's not looking where he's going.

45:14 Yes, we just went back in time, but stoppage time doesn't count in the second half. Here we go! Hey Angola? How about putting together an attack or two? Very nice! Here they come! And my boy Mendonca slaps one just to the left of the goal!

Note: Angola has neither scored nor allowed a goal in 222 minutes. I'd just like to thank Will one more time for giving me this thrilling game.

HALFTIME Nothing to report. I fast-forwarded right through. Thank you, Tivo!

But seriously, here's what I'd like to see from these two teams in the second half:

Angola: Score.

Iran: Spell out "Go Angola!" on the field with your bodies.

48:09 Delgado on the corner, it's a beaut, right to the back post... but Akwa takes out the Iranian keeper and that's against the rules. Oh yeah. On the slo-mo you can see Akwa all but clothesline the guy. He's having a nice conversation with the ref right now as Mirzapour gets the stretcher.

Note: The ref— Mr. Shield, from Australia— chose to have a chat instead of tossing a yellow. Cringer would like everyone to know that he approves. Additionally, "Mr. Shield" reminds Cringer of the ballroom dancing teacher we had in 7th grade, who forced us all to foxtrot to "Kokomo."

46:38 Can this half be over now? It is dull. DULL, Shep! PS: love the announcers and their total hard-on for Angola's keeper, Ricardo. Meanwhile, Cabungula— AN ANGOLAN PLAYER WHO THE NY TIMES DOES NOT HAVE LISTED ON THEIR FANCY GAME TRACKER AND SO HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HOW TO SPELL HIS NAME, NY TIMES??— has the best shot Angola's taken all day, saved only by Mirzapour's fists.

45 Mendonca— love that name— gets a yellow card b/c he sticks his foot in front of an Iranian free kick like a petulant 12 year old girl. Technically, the "c" in Mendonca has one of those little French things on it but I can't be bothered. Mendonca!!

44:12 A couple notes from the crowd: First of all, it's been brought to my attention that I have some ducklings, as well as kittenfluffs, in the audience today. Hello, my children.

Second: A nice man named PJ just asked, "What's with the microphones on the refs?" I bring you answers. They are part of a communication system between the ref and his linesman. Also, at halftime— and we don't get to see this, thanks to ESPN— they put on a mean performance medley of "Hit Me Baby One More Time" and "Brown Sugar."

41:05 And Mirzapour gets his own chance to fist, on a corner from Angola. He doesn't do it as gracefully, though. Sort of flailed like a hooked bass. Now Iran's coming on the counterattack... and nothing happens. Which is ok, really. Frankly, both of these teams have problems. I think it would be neat if Angola could make it to the knockout round, but the—

Hey! Akwa just almost scored a nice own goal there, but everyone was so confused that he'd kick it straight up in the air in front of his own goal that Ricardo had plenty of time to catch it. Which was dicey, b/c keepers can't catch balls that were kicked to them by the defenders... but I guess we'll call it a deflection and go on with our day—

Anyway, like I was saying, I don't see much about Angola right now that's gonna survive 10 minutes against an actual soccer team. (no offense, Iran.) (I'm sure you're very nice.)

38:35Zeke takes down Madanchi in the corner, Iran's gonna get a free kick... and make a substitution: Hashemian out, Khatabi in! Good. I am in favor of players with less syllables in their names. Because I am a racist.

The kick... FISTED! nice job, Ricardo. OH! After the fist, Iran puts it back in sharply and Ricardo makes a damn nice dive to save the ball, then scrambles and gets his own rebound AND draw the foul. He's like Dwyane Wade in there!!

37:26 Angola gets a couple free kicks in quick succession, but they can't seem to, like, kick the ball in the air, so nothing happens.

36 Ze Kalanga (really? you can be named that?) gets taken down by Iran's "M. Madanchi" (again with the first initial), who gets a yellow card. Cringer approves of this one— Zeke was on a sweet run. It was a good takedown, and good call by the ref.

34:21 Aw. The ball was last touched by Love. That's sweet. Touched by Love. I wish I was. sniff.

31:29 Ok, Angola's waking up. They're gonna get a corner. I like the way the Iranian goalie is "E. Mirzapour," as though there are just thousands of Mirzapours just waiting to get on the field.

The first corner is cleared over the line by Iran. The second corner is cleared over the line by Iran. The third corner is cleared over the line by Iran. Someone call Bill Murray. Ah. The fourth corner is fisted out.

29:17 Mexico just scored. Dang. Now Angola has nothing to live for again.

PS: to the commenters who are shocked I prefer Shep to JP: Remember that woman who had seizures every time she heard Mary Hart's voice? Yeah. It's kind of like that.

28:34 Akwa gets his first real shot on goal, right at the top of the 18. It floats high, but he needs more touches on the ball.

26:45 Bakhtiarizadeh takes a nice corner, and that's the last time I'll be spelling out his name. From now on, he is Bob.

25:14 Cringer's pissed: Shep not only pronounces it "corner KICK," he also says "hand BALL."

23:27 Daei— you're gonna keep hearing his name— shanks a header, while Portugal takes the necessary 2-0 lead over Mexico...

22:41 Daei takes the free kick off the Loco penalty and Ricardo makes another nice save.

21:30 Loco, fyi, is the one with the little patch of dreds on his forehead. And he's in some pain. Meanwhile, Mattais isn't coming back, and is being replaced by Love. The Angolan soccer team is very much like a Beyonce song.

19:27 Stretcher. Stretcher. la la la. I'm sorry this is so slow, btw— I'm blaming TRL for the bandwidth cloggery. You're not missing much. Oh, someone else is down now. Uh. Who is that? Oh, it's Loco, from Angola! Crazy! "When he regains his health," says Glenn, "he's gonna receive a yellow card." Cringer cringes.

18:09 Mattias tries to turn the corner and ends up on his ass thanks to some slimy turf and Kaebi... he's gonna need a stretcher...

13:15 Iran's substitute captain Daei makes a nice feed to Zandi who takes a point-blank shot! Right at the Angolan goalie!

12:51 Nosrati has left the game, replaced by Shojaei. PS WIll, I couldn't blog the game with the guy named Fred? YOU try casually spelling "Bakhtiarizadeh."

9:43 They keep talking about how much the Iranian team has been criticized back home. I may be an asshole for saying this, but I don't want to be on a losing Iranian soccer team...

Holy cow, this Iran/Angola game is so boring they just cut away for a Bonds-style gamebreak. We have yet to see an actual shot on goal here.

7:54 Iran's speedy left back Nosrati is down, clutching his hamstring...

5:30Oh, hello! Portugal just scored. Glenn reminds us that "this can get very, very intriguing." I certainly hope he wasn't planning on having it be dull as bricks before?

4:20Iran gets a free kick and... nothing happens.

2:25 Jamba takes down an Iranian guy and prays to the ref not to get a yellow card. He's got one already. Man do I love these cards. Cringer says there have been too many, but I just told him to shut up because everyone knows that already.

:54 Angola stages the first attack and... nothing happens. But Glenn lets us know they need to change their attitude. Shep reminds us that they need to not give up anything in the back and find a way to score goals. I am so glad our announcers know so much aboutt the sport in question.

:25 So, as Will mentioned, Angola's World Cup is not over— if Portugal can beat Mexico by two goals and Angola can beat Iran here by two, Angola can be the first African nation in the group of 16. This is why they've got the Portugal/Mexico game on at the same time: so no one gives up. Come on, guys! 110% effort! Run THROUGH first base!

Pregame: Howdy, kids. Time to blog this sucker into submission. Iran! Angola! Game on!

Ew, this Stuart Scott / Scott Van Pelt commercial where they rip off their suits is a bit unsettling.

I have no one here to use as a funny sidekick, so we're going to go ahead and anthropomorphize the ceramic tiger that sits next to my TV. Cringer will be commenting throughout as he sees fit. Please respect.

A couple things going right already: We've got Glenn Davis and Shep Messing calling the game. Thank god. If it had been JP "You Will Listen To Me If I Have To Kill You First" Dellacamera, I might have walked.

So, it's England vs. Sweden. Always a fun time. We have a feeling most American sports fans, by the way, could name more England players than American. We think we can, anyway.

Your live-blogger this afternoon is Brandon H., who has live-blogged with us before (and did a damned fine job, if you ask us). Email him with comments, chime in in the comments and, you know, blimey.

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FULL TIME, and the match ends as a 2-2 draw. The commentators make a big deal of England not having beaten Sweden for almost forty years, but an even bigger deal is that England finish first in their group, and that means no Germany in Round 2.

(Another big deal, of course, is the Owen injury. You think Sven regrets not bringing Jermaine Defoe along for the ride now? We'll see.)

Sweden will probably provide the first real test for the Germans in defending, especially if Ibrahimovic is back. But hey, for me it was just great to see Henrik Larsson score a goal in Swedish colors live. Very exciting game, with Joe Cole as the solid choice for man of the match.

I'm CliffX and thanks for reading. We now bring you back to the stunningly good looks and awful speech skills of Julie Foudy.

93' Balboa rails against the England defense, but I think he's being kind of harsh at this point. The defenders had been nearly flawless throughout the group stage up until that moment. Not that bad a thing, Marcelo. Three minutes added time.

91' Just into stoppage time, the England defense completely misses the ball from the throw-in, and Larsson is there to put it in for 2-2. Sweden make one final substitution to see if they can shock the Lions.

90' AND THEN A GOAL FROM LARSSON!

89' Sweden get a corner, then a free cross, then another free cross, then a throw-in...

87' Ljungberg brushes against J. Cole, who sells it as a bid dive...and Freddie's been carded! Ouch, bad call ref.

86' Joe Cole chips it BEAUTIFULLY to Gerard, whose header is world class, as Isaksson is helpless. 2-1 England. The only dampening note is ESPN shoving the freaking Virgin megastores in L.A. down our throats. There doesn't even seem to be that many England fans present. So stupid. Convergence and synergy can bite my ass.

86' GOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!! BLOGGING IS FUN!!!

84' Alexandersson gets Joe Cole in the nuts on a bad tackle and gets a yellow for it. Poor Joe. But he plays for Chelsea, so he'll surely find a cute south London lass to put ice on his lads.

81' England just isn't doing a whole lot, and that's shame. Their tactics are just sitting and trying to hang around the midfield, rather than being aggressive and using Joe Cole or whomever to cross the ball in and give Sweden's defense all sorts of problems. Beckham takes a free kcik from about forty yards out, but that misses and goes out into touch. Beckham hasn't been as sharp today as he was against T&T.

80' Ljungberg makes a trademark breakthrough on the left, and Hargreaves LOL makes a trademark foul. Free kick is cleared, so no harm. Later, a handball for Edman.

78' Note from Jason: Dave O'Brien must be shot, drawn, and quartered as soon as possible for the sake of our humanity. Goddamn does he suck. (end note from Jason) Beckham corners it to Crouch, whose header is excellent but right at Isaksson.

76' Yellow card for Hargreves LOL!!! And it wasn't for an errant handball, but rather for swatting his hand at the ref! The tabloids are going to love that one tomorrow. Free kick is off target, like most free kicks today.

75' Substitution: Elmander for Allback, who gets an ovation from those good-looking Swedes.

73' BECAUSE YOU'RE MINE, I WALK THE LINE. A shot from a corner goes toward goal for Sweden, but Gerard clears off the line. England get a corner on the other side and can't do much with it.

71' Great long ball to Larsson who timed his run perfectly and gets a corner. Meanwhile we see Rooney fuming on the bench, either angry about his performance or coming out. Knowing what most Englishmen think of Eriksson, it's probably the latter!

68'Whoops, spoke too soon. I think Hargreaves LOL just got a foul. Also a substitue: Gerard on...Rooney off. So now it's a possession game for England.

66' A quick complaint about the commentating: they're talking less and doing better than the first two weeks, but they've all been talking way too much about the USA game this Thursday. I'm not watching this game to get info on the US, I'm watching because it's England versus Sweden. Rant over. Hargreves LOL literally boxes out a defender on the right and wins a foul. Hey, he's actually having a pretty good game!

64' It's 1-0 Paraguay over T&T, so Sweden may not need to change much at this rate. Beckham sends a corner to Crouch, who can't lock it on target.

63' Christian Wilhemsson, a substitue we apparently missed, runs down the right and strolls the ball to the strikers. England's defense holds up to the challenge.

60' ANOTHER NEAR GOAL FOR THE SWEDES! Sweden get in the box again (geez!), and Mellberg shoots at that darn crossbar. Babloa mentions how it's important to control the midfield. You know what that means? Time to put in Gerard. Btw, it's probably very obvious I'm cheering for England, but c'est la vie. If you've ever seen Trafalger Square with your own eyes, you'd cheer for England, too.

58' Thus far in this half Crouch and Rooney have been quiet. Cole has made some strong runs, but England are very much defending, which is a shame. Their midfield is too quick to have that kind of a mindset.

56' Substitution: Sol Campbell for Ferdinand. England immediately become more attractive.

55' CROSS-BARRR...and a near goal at that. My man Larsson flicks it off a corner and it hits the bar; Ljungberg argues for a goal, but replays show but's probably not the case. Sween get another corner and are being MUCH more aggressive.

54' The England fans won't be let down, and keep singing and goading their team on. Crouch turns his body for a shot but Isaksson covers.

51' Ibrahimovic's replacement, Allback, gets a head onto the corner and beats Robinson on the right side of the net. Quite startling, but hey, I told you so! 1-1 After the break.

51' GOOOALLLL!

50' Sweden try something, anything, as Ljungberg flicks it back to the right. Ball comes back to him and he gets a shot, but the great defender John Terry places it out of bounds.

48' England chip it about, then play on a theme in sending it to Cole of th eleft. He gets a couple of chances to cross it in, and eventually it ends with a corner. Good sequence.

46' We return, as O'Brien says Owen's headed to the hospital for a likely scan. That injury was absolutely bizarre, and what a shame too. It's almost the story of his life.

And now for the half time special, with my friend and local village idiot, Jason Bolte!!!

Great match so far. If I had to give an MVP, it automatically goes to Joe Cole. Screw Rooney, screw David "Merry Wife of Castle Greyskull" Beckham. This is Joe Cole's team today. Or Union Jack, the thirteenth player, even though this is just the England team.

Despite the incredible shot by my man crush J. Co, Sweden's defense has been playing well. Isaksson had one flub, but everyone else has been in Rooney's, Crouch's, Owen's (for a minute and a half), and Becks' respective faces. Too bad their offense is lingering like Operation Sea Lion.

Of all the overrated people on England's team, Rooney is definitely getting overhyped. I understand his roots and his overcoming adversity with his foot injury, blah blah blah, but his spotlight for the past couple of days has not been justified thus far in the game. Let's hope he steps it up in the second half, or else his billboards will be defaced with "Choke choke choke" by tomorrow morning. He could rival Brett "Choke artist" Favre. I also suspect Rooney to be a part of the British Nationalist Party and possibly the wood block player for either Skrewdriver or Valkyrie. He's definitely some sort of hooligan.

And why the hell is ESPN showing footage of the Virgin store in LA during this match? I know the CEO of Virgin is a tap dancing d-bag from Britain, but why not show London or Liverpool? I'm sure those people are way more excited than some heroin chic aspiring waitress in Hollywood. They're even going to show Death Cab for Cutie and U2 during halftime, because there's no better way of showing British pride than a band from Ireland. I honestly think that Bono, being the eternal causewhore, would play for the Klan if they asked him really nicely.

Good game so far. Let's hope it keeps up. I'm pulling for England, but a Sweden win would be sweet as well. Hell, a tie would even be exciting, although it still baffles me that a tie game can be considered anything other than a buzzkill (although US v. Italy is a notable exception). Take care, here's CliffX.

45' England show great teamwork in getting a shot ready for Lampard, but it meets the 'keeper. HALF TIME, with England up 1-0 over the Swedes. If you're an England fan, you are LOVING your team so far. They're doing everything people expected them to do against T&T and Paraguay. Expect Sweden to be much more urgent in the next half.

45' It's winding down now, and one minute of stoppage time is added. England are making one last play toward goal. Cole is a mastermind tonight, man.

42' Balboa notes that England have been playing in midday, and playing at 9 PM Cologne time is making their bodies more lithe. Meanwhile, ESPN infuriates the shit out of us by showing England fans watching the game at a bar in Hollywood, including fans waiting for a band that opens for U2 to start playing. That is just stupid. Rooney takes a shot, but a tad too high.

40' NEAR GOAL AGAIN! Lampard has plenty of space to send another one over the bar.

39'Ljungberg makes a run inside, but Ferdinand cuts him short. I'm not sure if Sweden have even tested Robinson yet. Larsson tries a cross, but that actually goes TO Robinson. Nothing yet for Sweden.

38' The English fans singing "God Save the Queen" gives me, the players, O'Brien, and all of you severe chills. England are flying, especially Cole and Rooney.

37' I yelled extremely loud at that goal. I'm a singer, so Cole better not score again or I'll get a node. O'Brien annoys me by trying to make a big deal of Gary Neville being hurt for England, but I think Jamie Carragher (his replacement) is just as good. He's been solid thus far in this tournament.

35' And what goal it was! The ball comes down to Joe Cole on the left. He brings it down his CHEST, straight to his right foot, then cracks the shot from over thirty yards away. The ball sails off Isaksson's hand and into the net. Unbelievable goal, the best of the tournament so far. 1-0 England.

34' GOAAAAALL!!!!!!!!

32' Cole fouls Alexandersson on the right side of the box, but Sweden waste that moment. Jason think's that Alexandersson's only wearing long sleeves tonight so that people can read his entire long-ass name.

31' Beckham fouls the heck out of the defender on the left side, although he thinks the guy flopped. Play goes on.

29' BALBOA SPEAKS!!! He says the Joe Cole foul that just happened was like a scissor kick, or something stupid like that. Jason and I liken it to Ryu's Shoruken move in Street Fighter. Beckham then launches an awesome shot straight at Isaksson, and Balboa calls it a "bullet bent by Beckham." He's hot. Not as hot as Julie Foudy, but still.

27' Exchange during a close-up of Rio Ferdinand

Jason: "Who's that ugly dude?"

Me: "That's Rio Ferdinand. He sucks, he's overrated."

Jason: "It's because of his Spanish mullet, isn't it?"

26' ROONEY! He gets alone in the box, but Lucic blocks his shot at the last second. Great defending, once again.

25' ...but that's short, too. England keep possession (Hargreaves LOL even gets a shot in), but Sweden is a solid wall of hot-looking bald men.

24' Get ready for an orgasm, DEAD BALL FOR BECKHAM!!! He's shooting from the left side...

23' ...but Kallstrom hits it a bit too strong. Goal kick, England have it back. Exciting stuff, I know.

22' Sideline official calls a handball on call. Free kick...

21' TOO HIGH! Joe Cole heeds my advice and cracks it from outside, dead center. The ball sails just over the crossbar.

19' Another Swedish corner, very high and coming to Lucic's right foot. He hits is great, but it's for ANOTHER corner. Easy clearance for the Three Lions.

17' Owen Hargreaves LOL features! Kicks the ball away for a corner, which England subsequently clear.

16' Joe Cole does some nifty dribbling, plays it to Crouch in the box, but it's just over the big guy's head. I say just keep firing shots from outside the box.

14'Surprisingly (and somewhat shamefully) ESPN hasn't released the starting lineups for either side. Sweden feed it to the right side and make a cross toward Kallstrom, who can't connect.

12'It's evident early on that England's midfield are working really hard to control this game. Rooney also now makes some beautiful moves with the ball. England cross it to Lampard in center but his header is off. England are dominating possession thus far.

10'"Trinidad & Tobago are zero-zero with Parguay," says O'Brien. It's nil-nil, you ugly American! Meanwhile, Joe Cole makes a great run via a through ball but he's BARELY offside.

8' Kallstrom, who's impressed in this Cup for Sweden, tries a shot, but it's blocked. England's defending has been tremendous in this Cup, it really has. With Owen hurt, it ought to be...

6' The corner gets cleared. England make a couple of good attacks via their midfield. Lampard has another shot, and it's on goal, but Isaakson smothers it easily.

5' Sweden finally get some good possession, crossing the ball in to Larsson, but Carragher is there to clear for a corner.

3' Great shot! Lampard cracks one just outside the box which veerss left of the post. Good chance. Meanwhile, we see a shot of Owen in severe pain, being stretchered out. My bad on the injury, he wasn't tackled, his knee just buckled badly. Crouch comes in for England.

2' And not two minutes in, a horrible-looking injury to Michael Owen on the left side. He got tackled awkwardly and his knee buckled very badly.

0' We're off! Sweden begin, giving the ball to England right away.

0' We finally go live, with crosses on flags. Dave O'Brien and Marcelo Balboa are here to talk a lot.

0' No game, only ESPNews and lots of nervous-looking staff members trying to make sense of Mark Cuban getting another hefty fine. My man Jason has just joined me. I hand him the rosters for the game and he immediately notes how many Swedish names end in "-son". Finally we have an answer to the Polish scourge of player names ending in "-ski"!

CliffX (aka Brandon) is back! And we're looking forward to this one, a European match-up between England and Sweden, two of the world's more high-profile soccer nations. In an perfect world, this match is meaningless, as both sides would already have six points apiece and guaranteed progression to the knockout stages. In reality, Sweden still have yet to lock up advancement as a result of their draw to Trinidad and Tobago, and whomever takes second in this group must face Germany on Saturday. If you saw Germany humble Ecuador this morning, you know that neither side wants any part of the Germans. They did everything right, defending, perfectly timed runs, free kicks, long range attacks, you name it. Only Argentina looks more frightening right now. As a result, this game means much to the long-term prospects of both sides. Ecuador have played valiantly, but like T&T and Tunisia, their lack of stamina and pacing is now starting to show.

Here are the projected starting lineups for today's match, courtesy of worldsoccer.com:

ENGLAND

G Robinson
D Carragher
D Terry
D Ferdinand
D A. Cole
M Beckham
M OWEN HARGREAVES LOL
M Lampard
M J. Cole
S Owen
S Rooney

A note about Hargreaves: if you're English and you see his name listed on the starting XI in a World Cup match, you're laughing and crying all at once. He's a bit of a punchline in his 'native' country (if my facts are right, he's Anglo-German and was born in Canada!), spending the vast majority of his club career at Bayern Munich and never making much of an impact whatsoever for the national team. Critics of Beckham complain about how overrated the England captain is, but as soon as Hargreaves goes on as a sub, they turn their attention elsewhere.

Anyways, coach Sven-Goran Eriksson named Hargreaves as a starter because of his concerns for the yellow-carded Steven Gerrard. That's also the reason why an underperforming Michael Owen is starting ahead of Peter Crouch. England only need a draw to retain the top seed in Group B, but if they're behind in the second half, you can bet the house we'll at least see Gerrard come on.

SWEDEN

G Isaksson
D Linderoth
D Melborg
D Lucic
D Edman
M Ljungberg
M Alexandersson
M Kallstrom
M Wilhelmsson
S Allback
S Larsson

As a Celtic fan I have to love Henrik Larsson making his final world-scale appearance in this World Cup. He's a hero for Swedes and fake Irishmen everywhere. The big story, though, is the absence of the injured Zlatan Ibrahimovic, suffering from groin injury. If you're into Juventus football you know Zlatan's a monster, 6'5" with all the touch and agility in the world. Former Aston Villa striker Marcus Allback will likely take his place, and he's sure to depend on the midfield for assistance, especially from the marvellous Ljungberg.

Which brings up the inevitable question: who'd ya rather, Becks or Ljungberg? Come on, don't be shy. I'd go with Freddie.